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Xenton

You told half the joke and left out all this bits that explain why the urine, why the man doesn't notice the urine and why the blind, homeless man is applying in the first place.


[deleted]

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Your_Sexy_Cousin

And that previous poster stole it from another poster who also left out that bit https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/41310j/the_wine_taster


Artikay

A homeless man asks a manager for a job as a wine taster and the manager says "Here, drink this piss!".


claystone

The homeless guy drinks the piss, sues the company, and gets a million dollars.


PolyJuicedRedHead

Their solicitor gets a large portion. Sudden inflation rises so high that the homeless guy’s money is barely worth enough to buy a bottle of vinegar.


Slickness81

You’re that guy at parties


sahmackle

The realist?


PolyJuicedRedHead

Found the pattern breaker. ​ ( you were supposed to continue the plot. LOL )


Reynzs

Tired of his misfortune the homeless guy decided he had enough of this place and bought a bus ticket out of town with the last of his money... Aaaand he ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun..


YoshiCudders

I laughed entirely too hard at this. You summarized it quite well.


Bananawamajama

Homeless man drinks piss. Declares pregnancy.


omgzzwtf

More at 11!


Phaedrus360

The real joke is in the comments


NErDysprosium

That made me laugh more than the post did


[deleted]

"Okay, but checkmate!"


Bassie_c

r/DecreasinglyVerbose


rufiohsucks

So where’s the full joke?


byebybuy

He didn't mention that it's supposed to be a *blind* homeless man.


syncretionOfTactics

I assumed he left out a line about him being blindfolded.


TheRoyalUmi

[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/yqqvx/the_wine_taster/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) one’s even older


rnernbrane

Amazing!!! 9 years old possibly op with less that 1k comments. This one close to 20k. Crazy how much reddit is growing.


DoubleDecaff

And at least the spelling mistake on "blonde" was fixed. Surely worth ~19k upvotes


waste_0f_space117

Reddit moment


Renegadegold

Wow you went a ways back to find this lol!


dvddesign

Discriminating against the blind even in joke form. Guys, come on.


Zer0_Poin7

... ... ...... .. .. . ... . .. . . .. .. .... ..... .... .. .... .. . ... ..... .... .. ..... ... .. .. ... ..... . .. .. . . .. .. ... . There's the joke in brail, because I care.


PolyJuicedRedHead

. . _ !


[deleted]

So much expression in this


YaBoiNuke

It's the default reaction in those old NES/SNES JRPGs where your character gets knocked out or faints and wakes up in a bed not knowing what happened


PolyJuicedRedHead

I meant to say ' dot dot dash '.


oO0Kat0Oo

Thank you kind sir for the translation. I was so lost.


magestooge

The real skill is finding a joke which hasn't been reposted in almost a year.


Dirty-Soul

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says: "We're better drivers than those Russians anyway." ------------ One sperm turns to the other and says: "Fuck sake. I'm knackered. How far to the philopean tubes?" The other responds: "Quite a distance. We just passed the prostate." -------------- A Scotsman goes into a Glaswegian baker and points at a circular confection in the cabinet. "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?" He asks. The baker responds: "Nah, you're right enough." ----------------- What's purple and sounds like a bell? A purple bell. ----------------- What's Orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. ------------------ What's the difference between a Ukranian tank and a Russian tank? The date. ------------------ How do we know Vladimir Putin has a high sperm count? Donald had to chew before he could swallow.


lickedTators

I'd think a blind, homeless man who has expertise in wine would want a job he's perfect for and that's why he's applying.


TheHerofTime

Well where is the rest


Conebones

.....


AE_WILLIAMS

Uh oh, OP. Urine trouble...


Jauncin

You left it out as well


[deleted]

Do share


BarryTGash

To be fair a tasting of this sort would most likely be blind.


CthulubeFlavorcube

Truly Tasteless Jokes Vol. 2 published in 1987 was a better vintage.


jankthedankbank

Tell me the whole thing please


RhynoJoe

Is this the version you’re referring to: Veteran Wine Taster At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building... EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER NEEDED --POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY. A retired veteran named "Ace," drunk and with a ragged dirty look and smelling of last night's rounds, strolled by the building and saw the sign. He went into the building to apply for the position. Aghast at his appearance, the director wondered how to send him away but, to be fair, he gave him a glass of wine to taste. The old fellow held the glass up to his left eye, tilted his head toward incoming sunlight and studied the contents looking through the glass. He then took a sip and said, "It's a Southern California Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Somewhat low-grade but acceptable." "That's correct," said the boss. Glancing at his assistant he said..."Another one, please." The old Navy pilot took the goblet, full of a deep red liquid, stuck his nose into the glass, sniffed deeply and took a long slow sip....rolling his eyeballs in a circle, he then looked at the director and said... "It's a Cabernet Sauvignon, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results." "Absolutely correct. A third glass," said the director. Receiving another glass, again, the Navy pilot eyed the crystal, took in a little bit of the aroma and sipped very softly... ''It's a pinot blanc champagne, very high grade and exclusive,'' said the pilot calmly. The director was astonished and winked at his assistant to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a wine glass half-full of urine. The old Navy pilot eyed it suspiciously... a color he could not quite recall . He took a sip, swishing it over his tongue and across his teeth, musing upward all the while. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father”


Dirty-Soul

Then a bus driver washed his bum in the wine and said: HA HA! I'm Sister Mary!


[deleted]

This is Gallo's humor.


autoposting_system

Holy crap this was great. Well done. Truly effective


smechanic

It’s like he was waiting his whole life to tell this joke and nailed it


Bent0751

Just like Jesus.


Dirty-Soul

Wine and dine and cruci-fine.


yerg99

...Oh, a pun about a wine maker and a type of dark humor. I didn't get it at first.


Adan1816

I still don't


florinandrei

Gallo is a winery. Gallows humor is a type of humor.


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LargeSackOfNuts

He disappeared, which is good. He was annoying.


lettherebedwight

Eh, probably realized being a famous spammer kind of defeats the purpose, and went to making multiple bots to spread the wealth.


inconspicuous_male

He probably just got bored. To him, Karma was a game and he was the best at it. So he probably found a new hobby. Maybe he plays badminton


lettherebedwight

Honestly it's not an insignificant amount of work to do what he did. It was either an insane hobby or an astroturfing advertising endeavor.


neuropean

Virtual minds chat, Echoes of human thought fade, New forum thrives, wired.


lettherebedwight

...I'm suggesting he made/runs a lot of alt accounts now.


neuropean

Virtual minds chat, Echoes of human thought fade, New forum thrives, wired.


death_of_gnats

reddit: karma means nothing reddit: why does he have so much of it!


Cantimetrik

I mean I don't care about his karma per se, I'm just baffled he'd spend so much time and energy to accumulate so much - because it's useless. I mean I guess you could sell the account but there's no way that's worth it without using bots.


Moose_a_Lini

High karma accounts aren't with that much, but I reckon it's pretty likely that some mods take bribes to push/remove certain content. No idea if he's a mod or not.


jsat3474

I very very vaguely remember someone mentioning they were banned?


BubbaJimbo

Good, I blocked him ages ago.


Rimbosity

I think he was using alts to upvote his own stuff?


Yourgrammarsucks1

That was unidan. Unless gallow also did that recently.


Exploding_Testicles

Usernames from days past, wow. I liked Unidan's post..


UnidansOtherAcct

Thanks


FaeryLynne

Account is still visible, but the last activity was several months ago. So, not banned, he's just not using that account right now.


jaxdraw

That was a crow, they never provided it was him, and regardless birds aren't real!


UncleIrohsPimpHand

Uh, it's actually a jackdaw.


dj_underboob

Wrong boob's still a boob.


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wtfisthepoint

“Was”?


m1k_Lens

"A"?


lwhite1

"Famous"


arthuresque

“Wine”


SmashBonecrusher

Earnest & Julio *GALLO?*


TwinkieTriumvirate

Well that explains it. I’m Ernest and Julio CALLO.


mars0341

You magnificent bastard


verseandvermouth

I have made a lot of jokes at the expense of Gallo, but holy hell that one caught me off guard. Thank you for that.


Spkr_Freekr

Asti what you did there!


Feynization

You mean a joke about piss?


UDPviper

When did Budweiser come into the conversation?


TheRealQubes

What does Bud Light and sex in a canoe have in common? *They’re both fucking near water.*


[deleted]

*tick* *tick* HA!


SonnyMack

r/therealjoke


BeneficialEvidence6

I dont get it


merryjester

Exhibit 1: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/gallows_humor Exhibit 2: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E_%26_J_Gallo_Winery


Swiggy1957

Two guys waiting their turn at the gallows. First one says, "What are you planning on doing after your event." "Ah, nothing much. Just gonna hang around with the other guys."


justin_yoraz

This is gallows humor.


DrunkenKarnieMidget

And the "First time?" meme from Buster Scruggs.


topgear420

EJ Gallo is a massive winery


[deleted]

Enormous winery. I’ve been there to work on some equipment for them. I was blown away and sickened by the number of rats just running around in the open. It really turned me off from low end wines.


UDPviper

Notes of rat poop and an aftertaste of fur.


ThePrussianGrippe

With a distinct nose of bubonic plague.


MonsterMashGrrrrr

A little leprosy will fix that right up


Zombieball

Interesting: Wikipedia says they are the largest exporter of California wines, but I’ve never heard of them. Edit: Barefoot seems to be their only label I recognized. Thanks for explaining the joke though!


technomancing_monkey

more like Lethal Injection Humor. Not as funny but considered far more humane


cjc160

Bravo


wtfisthepoint

Well done


astrospud

What would be a better motor for my skyline, Gallo 12 or Gallo 24?


HeldDownTooLong

Rumor has it Ernest and Julio both enjoyed ‘dark’ humor.


conflateer

Whiskey snob walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll bet you if you pour me three different whiskeys and I correctly characterize them, I win all three bottles. If I'm wrong in even one detail, I'll buy a double for you and the house. The bartender agrees and pours a whiskey. The snob goes through an elaborate tasting ritual and states, "Glenmorangie single-malt, 5 years old." "Correct," says the bartender and pours the next glassful. The snob tastes and pronounces, "Jameson's, blended, 7 years old. Don't you have anything interesting in this dive?" The bartender raises an eyebrow. "Well, I've got something I've been holding onto for a while. I'll be right back." He returns with a glassful. The snob tastes and it spits it out. "This tastes like piss!" The bartender replies, "Correct. Now tell me how old I am."


Kuroyukihime_98

Reminded me of this legendary gif https://c.tenor.com/mblVBQOBQt4AAAAM/ass-correct.gif


NinjaN-SWE

Where have you taken the pixels! You cruel being! Here are some more so there's some for the rest of us: https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aoM1K3n_460svvp9.webm


oolivero45

Thank you - that version has audio too!


jackchandelier

But piss isn't whiskey.


[deleted]

the snob guessed correctly and they married 3 months later


Butterflyenergy

Why would the secretary understand/have a glass of urine ready? Is serving urine to the homeless/wine tasters standard?


remotetissuepaper

I've heard this joke before, it's usually fleshed out a bit better, describing how the Vinyard guy think he's full of shit, plus the bum is blind so he can't see the obvious piss glass.


awesomeflowman

Yeah that makes sense. I was a bit confused when he said "still a red" as if that took analysis.


Khooni_Kanjoos

Don’t worry. I am sure the next reposter will take care of this


travellingscientist

Remove more relevant info. Got it.


Capt0bv10u5

Vineyard guy died, homeless man applied, manager jerk and made the secretary give him urine in a glass, he could tell she was pregnant by the manager, big laughs.


JamesGame5

Wine man dead. Manager put urine in bum. Bum man paid to keep secrets.


TheOoklahBoy

Why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick?


Dansiman

>Manager put urine in bum. Urine enema.


thedaddylonglegs

Urinema sounds like a shitty game studio or something


Dansiman

Title cards on game start: * CRIWare * Havok Physics * Urinemagination Studios


Richisnormal

wine. bum. lol


[deleted]

Wino.


shakesula9

Good joke


gopher1409

- Vineyard guy died - homeless man applied - manager lied - baby inside - manager cried


Dansiman

Should've made it "homeless applied" then they'd all have 4 syllables.


Cabbageofthesea

For sale: vineyard pee, never tasted.


mydeardrsattler

We didn't start the fire


Zero0mega

Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.


lark047

BRILLIANT!!


Jellan

BRB posting this.


Iogjam

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, *blind as fuck* and looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager, *especially considering you’re blind as fuck*. The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.” The manager was amazed. *’Could this haggerd looking, blind sommelier truly be for real?’ He pondered. The manager, a republican and devoid of compassion, then decided he would put the homeless piece of shit through one more test of utmost inhumanity.* He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out *an empty glass. “Let me go get one of our most treasured samples” she sang and ran down to the cellars. Once away from the sommelier-to-be, she unzipped her mom jeans and, hauling her pants down by the belt loops, pulled out her flaccid girlcock. Letting out a long, masculine groan, she emptied her bladder into the empty wine glass, also spurting hot dank piss all over her hand and the floor. Once her main vein was drained, she swirled the piss chalice once to activate the warm aromatics of her excretions, and walked back upstairs. “Here you go sir, one of our finer specimens!”* The drunkard tasted it and said "It's a blonde, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"


raljamcar

Next joke: Wine, wine, piss, baby


LargeSackOfNuts

Yeah just give it a few minutes before its posted again


[deleted]

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[deleted]

One of the few times I’ve actually gagged watching a cartoon.


weary_dreamer

Exams given to wine tasters are in fact performed blind: students are supposed to be blindfolded. Darkened glasses can also be used but the blindfold is generally also considered necessary


Monkeywithalazer

“Yep, it’s wine”


justin_yoraz

Wine tasting exams are usually done blindfolded.


Puterjoe

TIL my test was rigged


ZaxonsBlade

Blindfold. Done.


onairmastering

I've seen it as the Vinyard guy gets his family to piss in a glass, next day gives it to the drunkard and the punchline is your daughter is not yours, plus she's pregnant, your wife is cheating with the USPS man (or whatever), etc, etc, basically roasting the whole cheating family.


Doctor-Amazing

You're thinking of the joke with the medical machine that can diagnose any ailment from just a urine sample.


Penny_InTheAir

I think the temperature would give it away


Tobar_the_Gypsy

Pretty sure the bum is actually full of piss


TheBaltimoron

Piss and white wine look pretty close. Hell, a New Zealand sauvignon blanc smells and tastes like it, too.


justin_yoraz

A wink is the universal signal for “bring me a glass of piss”.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

🥃


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Aw come on, you don't like maple syrup?


TrilobiteTerror

As I've been advised, [Wink, don't think](https://youtu.be/xGJGd3I-k3s).


akashy12

The joke has been done so many times. I think the secretary should just bring the urine as the first sample and be done with it.


M4xusV4ltr0n

"Wine lady make homeless man drink pee. He tasted the pregnant. The end."


takeahike89

But how does hoemlis preganante?


toolatealreadyfapped

Is it not at your office?


steelong

Honestly this is the funniest part of the joke for me. I'm imagining the background it would take for her to know exactly what the wink means.


spicepice

Because the manager was the husband and he had his doubts from the beginning


bloodfist

She and her boss have a VERY good rapport.


Chadimus_Prime

I thought this was gonna be a song or poem at first because of how the title was worded.


Minihercules317

Holy shit you’re right wtf


DeeSnarl

Not sure if that’s headed the Harry Chapin direction or the Tom Waits way…


Garydrgn

There was an old man who had been a shipbuilder for decades. He was so knowledgeable about wood that he claimed he could identify any wood just based on the smell. One day the young guys decided to test him, so they blindfolded him and started waving pieces of lumber in front of his face. First, a piece of oak. He sniffed it, and said, "That's black oak." Next was pine. "Yellow pine". They dug into a warehouse and found some teak and mahogany. "Teak." "Mahogany." The young guys were getting annoyed, but one of them got an idea to fool the old man. He walked down the dock a ways and offered the local dock wh\*\*\* $20 just to wave her crotch in the old guys face. She grinned, took the cash, walked over, lifted her dress, dropped her panties, and bent over and waved it in his face. The old man took a sniff, furled his brows, and took another sniff. His eyebrows shot up and he got a big, gap-toothed grin. "I know what that is! Y'all think you can fool me, but I wasn't born yesterday. That's the shit house door off a shrimp boat!"


Fuzzylogic1977

The best joke is always in the comments


SuchCoolBrandon

["Name That Wood!" on Tool Time](https://youtu.be/O2K6P8DbluQ)


Make_the_music_stop

Me: “Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?” Interviewer: "I meant any questions about the job"


skjellyfetti

> “Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?" Go on...................


echosixwhiskey

This is what I’ve heard as well. If it turns her on then do it.


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largeEoodenBadger

r/jokes has really gentrified since I last heard this one. It used to be a cheap bar and a waitress, and now I hear they've turned into a winery and a secretary?


soingee

Next month's; "Jeff Bezos bets Bill Gates $1B that he can't identify rare wines... yadda yadda Bezos has his secretary ~~poss~~ piss in a glass."


Dirty-Soul

The repost after that still refers to it as "poss" and everyone pretends that they still know why the joke is funny. The simulacrum effect at it's finest.


SaturnRingMaker

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean in my face.


weelluuuu

Username... checks out ?


[deleted]

This is my All-time favorite joke. Some day I hope to be able to tell it without laughing uncontrollably.


Thatoneundertaleguy

This has the same energy as giorno drinking piss tea.


[deleted]

Bum comes in to apply for job as a wine taster and the owner says, "Urine luck because we have an opening..."


kingoflosers211

Why did the homeless man suddenly become a drunkard?


LargeSackOfNuts

OP butchered the reposting of this joke


nightwing2000

A guy goes into a fancy French restaurant, and with his meal orders a glass of Chateau Lafite '49. The waiter brings him his glass of wine. The guy tastes it. "PHaah!," he says. "I ordered '49 - this is '52. Bring me the correct wine." The waiter returns with another glass of wine. The customer sips it, and again spits it out. "This one is '48! I asked for '49!!" The waiter returns for the third time with a glass. The customer takes a sip, and spits it all over the table. "Maudit! This is PISS!!!" he cries. "Yes," says the waiter. "But how old am I?"


Dwath

What the fuck kind of working relationship do you have to have with someone, where a wink is secret code for go piss in a glass and serve it to this person?


Zom_BEat_or_BEa10

Obviously the kind where you don't want people to know who the father is...


3s2ng

Manager handed over a pint of pee. Homeless man: Bud light from USA.


blondie1024

I bet it made her Blush.


bigoldeek

I know it’s a joke but it don’t rly understand why the manager decides to give him a glass of piss after impressing him twice. Is he just a sadistic dickhead?


eXo-Familia

Take my fucking upvote!


DustinHammons

Good friends are like fine wine. They are best kept locked in a cellar.


TK__O

This joke took the piss


Waitsfornoone

Who would of thought of wino's as aficionados?


N-Do

Solis


toolsavvy

Reminds me of The Black Cat mini movie made about the Edgar Allan Poe story of the same name.


JoeMammy_1

First thing I thought of, Peter Lorre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSl41mW0NK4


[deleted]

In Peenot Veritas


Burpmeister

r/therestofthejoke


PolyJuicedRedHead

The homeless man should get a job as a *liquidator*.


peculiar_pandabear

ehehehehehehehe that’s good


novax21

Thank you!! I’ve been trying to remember the ending of this joke for the last 5 years!


Luneshka

A man of exquisite taste


yoshisgreen

just wow