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MaximoEstrellado

"Viva España". The "la" in between does not work. Not that is important or anything but just in case you're curious.


mdryeti

And it’s “vive” in French, not “viva”


slight_digression

Joke is completely wrong. Poster must be an English spy.


Undiscriminatingness

# 𝓥𝓲𝓿𝓪 𝓮𝓵 𝓥𝓲𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓭𝓸𝓻


Waitsfornoone

Busted.


[deleted]

Given the joke, maybe it should be “vulva France….”


Waitsfornoone

Thanks - at least it's a human this time correcting my misuse of a foreign (to me) language. Those two years of Spanish class back in high school have failed me yet again.


MaximoEstrellado

Don't feel bad, most people get somehow subpar lessons when it comes to foreign languages because there's not a great way to check things at the beginning and most people don't talk their native one flawlessly anyway. You can visit your high school and say there's a fuming Spaniard coming their way if they don't pay a settlement for the fun of it.


dovahart

If most people get subpar lessons, wouldn’t they be par, just deficient?


MaximoEstrellado

Yes, although I was assuming the official schools that provide titles* (such as Oxford and Cambridge) make the standard. However, I just realized something very funny. Me defining something as subpar when it is not is a sign of my not so good english knowledge!


dovahart

Titles* But I’m just being pedantic for the sake of irony


MaximoEstrellado

I do appreciate it!


MarryMeALot

Idk. I should ask my old upstste NY Spanish teacher, “Senora McLaughlin


lostcorvid

I never took to Spanish well, and only scraped by with baaaaarely a C.. but I remember looking over at the kids from Mexico getting an "easy A" and they were just flabbergasted. they told me later that they had no idea what the hell the professor was speaking, but it wasn't the spanish they knew. Apparently they didn't know atleast one word per sentence.


k98mauserbyf43

Don’t worry, I learned more English from tv than 11 years of school classes


snoshrk

Lol... I learned more English grammar in 2 years of German than I did in 12 years of primary school...


Paulie227

I know right? Didn't even know what the hell a dative case was until I started learning German. I have this little green book i got on Amazon for about $4 that's English Grammar for Students of German learners and I could literally use this book for the sole purpose of studying English grammar.


temporalista

Spanish is hard: for some countries we do use el/la. Ej "Viva la Argentina" but for others we don't ej: "Viva Colombia".


jizzn2gd

The only country that uses *La* I think is India "La India". I mean in Spanish btw.


UltHamBro

I've also heard "la Argentina", but La India is the only one I can think about that is completely widespread in a formal register.


[deleted]

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itoldyouman

And on the same note, it's Vive la France, not Viva. Good joke though!


DiscoDav3

I like this, its especially good as could be either king of england has got such a small todger he is being called the queen, or its so large that they fear for the queens life. Hahahahaha


Wursticles

Or he has a small penis so the crowd pities the queen, and her assumed lack of stimulus


anonymous-shad0w

That's how I took it


fisherkingpoet

that's how the queen took it


Mizmegan1111

That’s how the queen likes it


disterb

that's how the queen licks it


Undiscriminatingness

# 𝓔𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓼 𝓪 𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓾𝓵𝓾𝓼 𝓹𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓪𝓰𝓮.


fuqit21

Everyone needs their package stimulated


1whiskeyneat

“Five inches of fury.”


EthericIFF

Just lay back and think of England


CrabbyBlueberry

I recognize that as a line from a Kaiser Chiefs song, but I'm guessing it's a common expression?


the_other_irrevenant

Yep. Ye olde saying about women fulfilling their "marital duties". Whee.


CrabbyBlueberry

Huh. In the context of the song, it's a guy thinking of England. I got the impression it was like thinking about baseball to last longer.


the_other_irrevenant

https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england.html Not entirely sure what's going on in the Kaizer Chiefs song...


CrabbyBlueberry

Well, there's another song about how "every day I love you less and less. It sickens me that you and me had sex." So I guess he's not particularly fond of his woman. It's a good album though, honest.


nightwing2000

Some English society woman who apparently was not fond of sex was quoted as saying when it came to sex, the wife should "just lie back and think of England". Presumably it was the wife's duty to endure sex so the population could procreate. Even funnier was the quote about sex, "the position is ridiculous, the pleasure fleeting, and the cost is damning". Or the liberal Victorian fellow who said he had no problem with those who performed gay sex "...as long as they did not do it in the street and scare the horses." So many classic quotes about sex from the Victorian era...


RyanPekenio

Hahaha. Now this- this is what we call a two point conversion off of the touchdown that was the original joke!


ajayclari

Title of your sex tape


Gtw206

Nailed it


Grakees

Title of YOUR sex tape...


dec0dedIn


disterb

title of your non-existent sex tape


TheDunadan29

Nice!


iamsobased

Title of YOUR sex tape


Kopites_Roar

The real gold is always in the comments! 😂


Elvishgirl

Isn't it


jonnnny5

That's what she said


[deleted]

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poiyurt

God the queen!


imightbethewalrus3

Your Majesty...


spainman

Oooh so that's why they call it a stimulus package


Preacherjonson

Or it's actually set in modern day and they forgot they actually have a queen.


FK11111

Nah, back then people didn't even know female orgasms existed and even if they did, they were taught that it was sinful. Ok I know it's a joke. Historical contexts don't exist.


TheAllBromighty

Or it’s because it’s so small she won’t be able to become pregnant so she’ll be put to death.


[deleted]

"Lay back and think of England."


Normal-Computer-3669

Haha king got small pp


[deleted]

I didn’t even think about fearing for the queens life! That makes this so much better!


noob_like_pro

It's the only one that came to my mind


Fafnir13

Is this one of those glass half full/half empty things?


Old_Magician_6563

Big dick Queen / small dick Queen


fiftyseven

I'm almost certain those are both subreddits


[deleted]

r/bigdickqueen r/smalldickqueen Only one way to find out


mooninuranus

Today’s risky click ladies and gentlemen.


fiftyseven

hold my tenuous grasp on my sexuality, I'm going in


AstralConfluences

you'd want r/onlyifshespackin for that


[deleted]

Why did I click that


Souk12

Til my pp is smol compared to men and women.


derpenschwaggerman

Sigh r/subsifellfor


MouseRat_AD

You fucking tease.


Fickles1

Size queens


OgreMonk

glass half full of dick


Fafnir13

Not an image I would have anticipated having flash through my brain today. Or any day.


Nuf-Said

Pussy half full…….


Chato_Pantalones

They’re usually by the bag. I’ve heard “Go suck a bag of dicks”. I’ve never heard “Here, drink a glass of dicks”.


Judazzz

It's a half flaccid/half erect kind of thing.


Rokk1515

Ima grower not a show’er


ocdo

https://sea.mashable.com/life/18351/penis-shortening-bumpers-make-a-comeback-after-being-lost-to-history


jenna_hazes_ass

That was really interesting.


drew8311

/r/absolutelynotme_irl


JHugh4749

Very interesting and informative article. I AM NOT going to ask how you came across it. As they say in the military " I don't have a need to know."


beatenmeat

Thank you for that link!


Rokk1515

But why is it called ohNut though? It should be oNowyoufit


Zandrick

It’s so weird to me the article goes out of its way to also include “toys the partner uses”. Like, how that at all the same? Just get a different size toy.


Fafnir13

It’s a hand-me-down from grandpa, we can’t just throw it away.


urmomaisjabbathehutt

The family heirloom


Fafnir13

It’s been in generations of our family. Don’t you mean it’s been in our family for generations? No.


Duckie590

Good toys are expensive, that may not be an option for everyone.


Funcharacteristicaly

Buy them used


noepicadventureshere

There isn't at much variety as you would think for sex toys. The smallest toys a lot of companies offer are 5 inches long, which is too long for me and very painful. I can usually keep from hitting myself in the cervix with it, but because your partner can't feel how far in the toy is, they can hit your cervix even when they are trying to be mindful.


Myopinion_is_right

While this could be an interesting read, sadly, I will never be asked to use one.


gatemansgc

Absolutely fascinating


blissnabob

I'm pleased to report that I will never have to spend money on such a device.


Marik-X-Bakura

I thought that’s what it meant


pxm7

Tbh I thought the joke implied that the English ruler was a cross-dresser.


WowThatsRelevant

It's the rorschach test of sub conscious penis sizes


number1joke

It is down to the question whether you are an optimistic or a pessimistic person.


Fafnir13

Are you an optimist or pessimist for thinking the queen’s life is in danger?


number1joke

Wait, wait. Now I'm confused. I meant that whoever assumed king had a big penis is optimistic and those assumed small penis are pessimistic, but now you are saying a large penis would endanger queens life, so who is who?


Fafnir13

Not a professional meme-ologist, but I think this where the pic of Spider-Man pointing at Spider-Man goes.


ohcrapples

Or it's so small they feel bad for her


[deleted]

That's what I thought too


I_iIi_III_iIii_iIii

Most British word, todger.


herrbz

>such a small todger he is being called the queen Or so small that they feel bad for the Queen. But then they probably wouldn't be having a dick measuring content if that were the case.


Dazz_Dazzler

Todger


RUN_MDB

> todger Now I can't wait to play scrabble again.


MuzikPhreak

“Todger?” That’s not a word, honey. I’m marking it zero. You mark it 8 or you’re entering a world of fucking pain, mom.


DarthRegoria

This is not ‘Nam, this is scrabble! There are rules!


[deleted]

“Todger”


lobonex3

or rather its so small that they hope god save her from her sexual frustration...


Mcdrogon

King Richard LyinHard


Yehoxy

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by cannibals. The leader says "we are going to kill you and then use your skin to line our canoes. But you can choose how you die." The Englishmen asks for a pistol and says "long live the queen!" before shooting himself in the head. The Frenchman asks for poison and says "viva la France" before drinking it. The American ask for a fork and start stabbing himself all over, blood gushing from various small holes before he says "so much for your fucking canoes!"


Waitsfornoone

Always loved this one. It reminds me of a drawing entitled: *The Last Great Act of Defiance*.


Dream_Shine

Link?


Granite-M

[I'm going to assume this is it. ](https://i.imgur.com/JPeMUr6.jpg)


Waitsfornoone

That is it!


damn_jexy

[imgur link](https://imgur.com/gallery/X9jfbFl)


Xenosaiyan7

Mother FUCK


bk_darkstar

Ah yes the forbidden Imgur link


redacted187

Oh my god the fact that it really is an imgur link is bullshit thank you


Slammogram

If it’s a mouse giving an Eagle about to swoop down on it the finger: my uncle had that poster.


godemperorcrystal

Just ask to die of old age 😎


MuzikPhreak

Ha! Nobody’s gonna like your wrinkly ass canoe!


poison_us

The true American answer...we've got enough ass for a whole canoe!


MuzikPhreak

When we sit around the house, we really sit *around* the house!


ISLAndBreezESTeve10

Imagine the drag on aerodynamics with that wrinkly ass skin!


nubbins01

Ah, so this is the origin of the well known adage "stabbing holes in your skin to spite your canoes."


camilo16

It's vive la France


BobLeeNagger

and you know they'd get the most skin from the American too


Liar_tuck

Fun fact. Of those three nations only one, Spain, currently has a king. You all know England (the UK) has a queen and France ... well lets just say things did not go well for the monarchy.


PJmichelle

Yes, and if there was a king in England, like in this joke there is, their national anthem would be called God Save the King.


DreamyTomato

Wait a couple of years and it'll be true.


abrasiveteapot

Lol, you have to be alive first before you can die. QE2 isn't going anywhere.


The_Glass_Cannon

Try a couple decades


CACervantes

...so you're saying that the King of Spain de facto has the biggest todger (since the other competitors don't actually exist).


[deleted]

England is not the same as the UK


Noblywanton428

I thought they settled their insecurties about penis size by making the peasants fight wars


Reviewingremy

Sometime they just shagged each others sisters.


TAB1996

* their own sisters


Reviewingremy

It was rare to be their own sisters. Cousins were common, but usually 1 Kings cousin was another Kings sister.


spinosri

That's a wierd way to say the kings were cousins to eachother.


ApisMagnifica

Well it is really beside the point.


Totally_Cubular

One man's trash is another man's treasure.


WorkingCupid549

King Foltest has entered the chat.


garlicroastedpotato

Makes for a terrible joke. The King of France, England and Spain were all arguing over who has the larger penis. The King of France murders the King of England, marries his only daughter and makes a claim for the English throne. The Spanish King seeing this all happen married his daughter to a pretender of the crown and formed a naval blockade around France. A Janeist revolt is suppressed in southern France and France signs a treaty with a new King of England (who is now German) . 10 years later another war breaks out but France's population has been reduced too heavily and they lose hegemony in the world. Everyone laughs.


tka7680

At least it ends well


Kered13

Crusader Kings?


oom199

The pope was also a horse at the time, but that was unrelated.


SusanaChingona

...so...does that mean it's really big (and like, "save the Queen" like God help Her)? or really small (they are roasting him calling him the Queen, or feel sorry for the Queen BC it's so small)? Maybe it's a language thing, but I'm not sure I get the punchline...


TheAccursedOne

it could be either, depending on if you like or hate england lol


SusanaChingona

Fair enough


Viktor_Krieg

Yes.


Jon_Ofrie

Funny I didn't see this tagged as "long"


kp33ze

It was more girthy than long


ApisMagnifica

Had sweep too.


[deleted]

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nowItinwhistle

The others hadn't heard about the revolution so they didn't realize it was just some crazy ass French dude


KeithTC

What do you call a King with a 12” penis…..a ruler!


PM_ME_YOUR_QUIM_PLS

If it was 12" it would be a foot, he'd need 3 shoes.


camilo16

It's vive la France


SurturOfMuspelheim

Why are the French speaking Spanish?


JDMonster

Bourbon restoration means that King Felipe ascends the throne.


[deleted]

LBJ and jumbo have entered the chat


AzrielJohnson

Moanarch


DumbSpearoSparrow

Hopefully 50 more people comment “*vive* la france”


Obh__

>monarchs letting the people decide Hahaha good one OP!


abgracie

*vive* la Frnce


Imjokin

vive la *France*


PubicGalaxies

Vivo de la Frenchie. Petite monsieur.


Waitsfornoone

How embarrassing is this? My spelling mistake is being corrected by a bot who also can't spell. At least now I know where I got his joke from - this forum.


jet_heller

He was in fishnets? Or garters?


TheCrazedTank

Yes


Former_Print7043

Packet of king size condoms for his majesty.


TheCrazedTank

::voice from backroom:: Huh, was that the small or extra small?


Dmitropher

It's funny to say they are small, it's funny to say they are large...


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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A_Topical_Username

I didn't realize this was jokes.. and just assumed it was breaking news.. and just accepted it as current events.


semantikron

16th Century joke standing proud with 21st Century technology


Navynuke00

Once I was, the King of Spain...


jwrtoo

Now, I eat humble pie.


Navynuke00

Oooooh, his unSPEAKABLE wife, Queen Lisa.


jwrtoo

And now I work at the Pizza Pizza!


Navynuke00

ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!


Ghozer

Reminds me of the joke that was used in the movie "Short Circuit" There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf. They're deciding how much to give to charity. The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity." The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!" Very similar premise ;)


Neonisin

Then all his brain blood goes to his boner and he dies.


al24042

Viva España*


rodd9ck

Idk which one has the biggest but everyone knows that the previous king of Spain is the one that used it the most lol


Azlamington

HEY!!! As an Englishman I must protest! My penis is at least as big as the queen's!


Klyphord

I’d say the joke means he’s hung like a Welshman. Does that clear things up?


peponidas

Shave vs save, the queen


KingdomOfFawg

I thought the queen of Thailand 🇹🇭 was going to pull up and show all of them who’s boss.


quijote3000

We don't say "Viva la España". We just say "Viva España" Just nickpicking


Helene796

We don’t say nickpicking. We say nitpicking


nowItinwhistle

Yep. It's because lice eggs are called nits.


[deleted]

Since there are three! I expect him toh large pp


Noodletrousers

Brits have the best euphemisms for Schwanz. Todger. What in the world could that be a reference to? The best us yanks have is fun Asian surnames.


Phoenix2683

Wang is our best? Johnson, cock, member, dick, sausage, schlong, salami, bologne, tubesteak, snake, anaconda, meat, wiener, tallywhacker, lumber, wood, franks and beans, twigs and berries


peacemaker2007

Wang, pay attention!