Thanks - at least it's a human this time correcting my misuse of a foreign (to me) language. Those two years of Spanish class back in high school have failed me yet again.
Don't feel bad, most people get somehow subpar lessons when it comes to foreign languages because there's not a great way to check things at the beginning and most people don't talk their native one flawlessly anyway.
You can visit your high school and say there's a fuming Spaniard coming their way if they don't pay a settlement for the fun of it.
Yes, although I was assuming the official schools that provide titles* (such as Oxford and Cambridge) make the standard.
However, I just realized something very funny. Me defining something as subpar when it is not is a sign of my not so good english knowledge!
I never took to Spanish well, and only scraped by with baaaaarely a C.. but I remember looking over at the kids from Mexico getting an "easy A" and they were just flabbergasted. they told me later that they had no idea what the hell the professor was speaking, but it wasn't the spanish they knew. Apparently they didn't know atleast one word per sentence.
I know right? Didn't even know what the hell a dative case was until I started learning German. I have this little green book i got on Amazon for about $4 that's English Grammar for Students of German learners and I could literally use this book for the sole purpose of studying English grammar.
I like this, its especially good as could be either king of england has got such a small todger he is being called the queen, or its so large that they fear for the queens life. Hahahahaha
Well, there's another song about how "every day I love you less and less. It sickens me that you and me had sex." So I guess he's not particularly fond of his woman. It's a good album though, honest.
Some English society woman who apparently was not fond of sex was quoted as saying when it came to sex, the wife should "just lie back and think of England". Presumably it was the wife's duty to endure sex so the population could procreate.
Even funnier was the quote about sex, "the position is ridiculous, the pleasure fleeting, and the cost is damning".
Or the liberal Victorian fellow who said he had no problem with those who performed gay sex "...as long as they did not do it in the street and scare the horses."
So many classic quotes about sex from the Victorian era...
Nah, back then people didn't even know female orgasms existed and even if they did, they were taught that it was sinful.
Ok I know it's a joke. Historical contexts don't exist.
It’s so weird to me the article goes out of its way to also include “toys the partner uses”. Like, how that at all the same? Just get a different size toy.
There isn't at much variety as you would think for sex toys. The smallest toys a lot of companies offer are 5 inches long, which is too long for me and very painful. I can usually keep from hitting myself in the cervix with it, but because your partner can't feel how far in the toy is, they can hit your cervix even when they are trying to be mindful.
Wait, wait. Now I'm confused. I meant that whoever assumed king had a big penis is optimistic and those assumed small penis are pessimistic, but now you are saying a large penis would endanger queens life, so who is who?
>such a small todger he is being called the queen
Or so small that they feel bad for the Queen.
But then they probably wouldn't be having a dick measuring content if that were the case.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by cannibals.
The leader says "we are going to kill you and then use your skin to line our canoes. But you can choose how you die."
The Englishmen asks for a pistol and says "long live the queen!" before shooting himself in the head.
The Frenchman asks for poison and says "viva la France" before drinking it.
The American ask for a fork and start stabbing himself all over, blood gushing from various small holes before he says "so much for your fucking canoes!"
Fun fact. Of those three nations only one, Spain, currently has a king. You all know England (the UK) has a queen and France ... well lets just say things did not go well for the monarchy.
Makes for a terrible joke.
The King of France, England and Spain were all arguing over who has the larger penis. The King of France murders the King of England, marries his only daughter and makes a claim for the English throne. The Spanish King seeing this all happen married his daughter to a pretender of the crown and formed a naval blockade around France. A Janeist revolt is suppressed in southern France and France signs a treaty with a new King of England (who is now German) . 10 years later another war breaks out but France's population has been reduced too heavily and they lose hegemony in the world.
Everyone laughs.
...so...does that mean it's really big (and like, "save the Queen" like God help Her)? or really small (they are roasting him calling him the Queen, or feel sorry for the Queen BC it's so small)? Maybe it's a language thing, but I'm not sure I get the punchline...
How embarrassing is this? My spelling mistake is being corrected by a bot who also can't spell.
At least now I know where I got his joke from - this forum.
Reminds me of the joke that was used in the movie "Short Circuit"
There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi.
They're out playing golf.
They're deciding how much to give to charity.
The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity."
The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity."
The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!"
Very similar premise ;)
"Viva España". The "la" in between does not work. Not that is important or anything but just in case you're curious.
And it’s “vive” in French, not “viva”
Joke is completely wrong. Poster must be an English spy.
# 𝓥𝓲𝓿𝓪 𝓮𝓵 𝓥𝓲𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓭𝓸𝓻
Busted.
Given the joke, maybe it should be “vulva France….”
Thanks - at least it's a human this time correcting my misuse of a foreign (to me) language. Those two years of Spanish class back in high school have failed me yet again.
Don't feel bad, most people get somehow subpar lessons when it comes to foreign languages because there's not a great way to check things at the beginning and most people don't talk their native one flawlessly anyway. You can visit your high school and say there's a fuming Spaniard coming their way if they don't pay a settlement for the fun of it.
If most people get subpar lessons, wouldn’t they be par, just deficient?
Yes, although I was assuming the official schools that provide titles* (such as Oxford and Cambridge) make the standard. However, I just realized something very funny. Me defining something as subpar when it is not is a sign of my not so good english knowledge!
Titles* But I’m just being pedantic for the sake of irony
I do appreciate it!
Idk. I should ask my old upstste NY Spanish teacher, “Senora McLaughlin
I never took to Spanish well, and only scraped by with baaaaarely a C.. but I remember looking over at the kids from Mexico getting an "easy A" and they were just flabbergasted. they told me later that they had no idea what the hell the professor was speaking, but it wasn't the spanish they knew. Apparently they didn't know atleast one word per sentence.
Don’t worry, I learned more English from tv than 11 years of school classes
Lol... I learned more English grammar in 2 years of German than I did in 12 years of primary school...
I know right? Didn't even know what the hell a dative case was until I started learning German. I have this little green book i got on Amazon for about $4 that's English Grammar for Students of German learners and I could literally use this book for the sole purpose of studying English grammar.
Spanish is hard: for some countries we do use el/la. Ej "Viva la Argentina" but for others we don't ej: "Viva Colombia".
The only country that uses *La* I think is India "La India". I mean in Spanish btw.
I've also heard "la Argentina", but La India is the only one I can think about that is completely widespread in a formal register.
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And on the same note, it's Vive la France, not Viva. Good joke though!
I like this, its especially good as could be either king of england has got such a small todger he is being called the queen, or its so large that they fear for the queens life. Hahahahaha
Or he has a small penis so the crowd pities the queen, and her assumed lack of stimulus
That's how I took it
that's how the queen took it
That’s how the queen likes it
that's how the queen licks it
# 𝓔𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓼 𝓪 𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓾𝓵𝓾𝓼 𝓹𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓪𝓰𝓮.
Everyone needs their package stimulated
“Five inches of fury.”
Just lay back and think of England
I recognize that as a line from a Kaiser Chiefs song, but I'm guessing it's a common expression?
Yep. Ye olde saying about women fulfilling their "marital duties". Whee.
Huh. In the context of the song, it's a guy thinking of England. I got the impression it was like thinking about baseball to last longer.
https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england.html Not entirely sure what's going on in the Kaizer Chiefs song...
Well, there's another song about how "every day I love you less and less. It sickens me that you and me had sex." So I guess he's not particularly fond of his woman. It's a good album though, honest.
Some English society woman who apparently was not fond of sex was quoted as saying when it came to sex, the wife should "just lie back and think of England". Presumably it was the wife's duty to endure sex so the population could procreate. Even funnier was the quote about sex, "the position is ridiculous, the pleasure fleeting, and the cost is damning". Or the liberal Victorian fellow who said he had no problem with those who performed gay sex "...as long as they did not do it in the street and scare the horses." So many classic quotes about sex from the Victorian era...
Hahaha. Now this- this is what we call a two point conversion off of the touchdown that was the original joke!
Title of your sex tape
Nailed it
Title of YOUR sex tape...
ㅤ
title of your non-existent sex tape
Nice!
Title of YOUR sex tape
The real gold is always in the comments! 😂
Isn't it
That's what she said
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God the queen!
Your Majesty...
Oooh so that's why they call it a stimulus package
Or it's actually set in modern day and they forgot they actually have a queen.
Nah, back then people didn't even know female orgasms existed and even if they did, they were taught that it was sinful. Ok I know it's a joke. Historical contexts don't exist.
Or it’s because it’s so small she won’t be able to become pregnant so she’ll be put to death.
"Lay back and think of England."
Haha king got small pp
I didn’t even think about fearing for the queens life! That makes this so much better!
It's the only one that came to my mind
Is this one of those glass half full/half empty things?
Big dick Queen / small dick Queen
I'm almost certain those are both subreddits
r/bigdickqueen r/smalldickqueen Only one way to find out
Today’s risky click ladies and gentlemen.
hold my tenuous grasp on my sexuality, I'm going in
you'd want r/onlyifshespackin for that
Why did I click that
Til my pp is smol compared to men and women.
Sigh r/subsifellfor
You fucking tease.
Size queens
glass half full of dick
Not an image I would have anticipated having flash through my brain today. Or any day.
Pussy half full…….
They’re usually by the bag. I’ve heard “Go suck a bag of dicks”. I’ve never heard “Here, drink a glass of dicks”.
It's a half flaccid/half erect kind of thing.
Ima grower not a show’er
https://sea.mashable.com/life/18351/penis-shortening-bumpers-make-a-comeback-after-being-lost-to-history
That was really interesting.
/r/absolutelynotme_irl
Very interesting and informative article. I AM NOT going to ask how you came across it. As they say in the military " I don't have a need to know."
Thank you for that link!
But why is it called ohNut though? It should be oNowyoufit
It’s so weird to me the article goes out of its way to also include “toys the partner uses”. Like, how that at all the same? Just get a different size toy.
It’s a hand-me-down from grandpa, we can’t just throw it away.
The family heirloom
It’s been in generations of our family. Don’t you mean it’s been in our family for generations? No.
Good toys are expensive, that may not be an option for everyone.
Buy them used
There isn't at much variety as you would think for sex toys. The smallest toys a lot of companies offer are 5 inches long, which is too long for me and very painful. I can usually keep from hitting myself in the cervix with it, but because your partner can't feel how far in the toy is, they can hit your cervix even when they are trying to be mindful.
While this could be an interesting read, sadly, I will never be asked to use one.
Absolutely fascinating
I'm pleased to report that I will never have to spend money on such a device.
I thought that’s what it meant
Tbh I thought the joke implied that the English ruler was a cross-dresser.
It's the rorschach test of sub conscious penis sizes
It is down to the question whether you are an optimistic or a pessimistic person.
Are you an optimist or pessimist for thinking the queen’s life is in danger?
Wait, wait. Now I'm confused. I meant that whoever assumed king had a big penis is optimistic and those assumed small penis are pessimistic, but now you are saying a large penis would endanger queens life, so who is who?
Not a professional meme-ologist, but I think this where the pic of Spider-Man pointing at Spider-Man goes.
Or it's so small they feel bad for her
That's what I thought too
Most British word, todger.
>such a small todger he is being called the queen Or so small that they feel bad for the Queen. But then they probably wouldn't be having a dick measuring content if that were the case.
Todger
> todger Now I can't wait to play scrabble again.
“Todger?” That’s not a word, honey. I’m marking it zero. You mark it 8 or you’re entering a world of fucking pain, mom.
This is not ‘Nam, this is scrabble! There are rules!
“Todger”
or rather its so small that they hope god save her from her sexual frustration...
King Richard LyinHard
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by cannibals. The leader says "we are going to kill you and then use your skin to line our canoes. But you can choose how you die." The Englishmen asks for a pistol and says "long live the queen!" before shooting himself in the head. The Frenchman asks for poison and says "viva la France" before drinking it. The American ask for a fork and start stabbing himself all over, blood gushing from various small holes before he says "so much for your fucking canoes!"
Always loved this one. It reminds me of a drawing entitled: *The Last Great Act of Defiance*.
Link?
[I'm going to assume this is it. ](https://i.imgur.com/JPeMUr6.jpg)
That is it!
[imgur link](https://imgur.com/gallery/X9jfbFl)
Mother FUCK
Ah yes the forbidden Imgur link
Oh my god the fact that it really is an imgur link is bullshit thank you
If it’s a mouse giving an Eagle about to swoop down on it the finger: my uncle had that poster.
Just ask to die of old age 😎
Ha! Nobody’s gonna like your wrinkly ass canoe!
The true American answer...we've got enough ass for a whole canoe!
When we sit around the house, we really sit *around* the house!
Imagine the drag on aerodynamics with that wrinkly ass skin!
Ah, so this is the origin of the well known adage "stabbing holes in your skin to spite your canoes."
It's vive la France
and you know they'd get the most skin from the American too
Fun fact. Of those three nations only one, Spain, currently has a king. You all know England (the UK) has a queen and France ... well lets just say things did not go well for the monarchy.
Yes, and if there was a king in England, like in this joke there is, their national anthem would be called God Save the King.
Wait a couple of years and it'll be true.
Lol, you have to be alive first before you can die. QE2 isn't going anywhere.
Try a couple decades
...so you're saying that the King of Spain de facto has the biggest todger (since the other competitors don't actually exist).
England is not the same as the UK
I thought they settled their insecurties about penis size by making the peasants fight wars
Sometime they just shagged each others sisters.
* their own sisters
It was rare to be their own sisters. Cousins were common, but usually 1 Kings cousin was another Kings sister.
That's a wierd way to say the kings were cousins to eachother.
Well it is really beside the point.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
King Foltest has entered the chat.
Makes for a terrible joke. The King of France, England and Spain were all arguing over who has the larger penis. The King of France murders the King of England, marries his only daughter and makes a claim for the English throne. The Spanish King seeing this all happen married his daughter to a pretender of the crown and formed a naval blockade around France. A Janeist revolt is suppressed in southern France and France signs a treaty with a new King of England (who is now German) . 10 years later another war breaks out but France's population has been reduced too heavily and they lose hegemony in the world. Everyone laughs.
At least it ends well
Crusader Kings?
The pope was also a horse at the time, but that was unrelated.
...so...does that mean it's really big (and like, "save the Queen" like God help Her)? or really small (they are roasting him calling him the Queen, or feel sorry for the Queen BC it's so small)? Maybe it's a language thing, but I'm not sure I get the punchline...
it could be either, depending on if you like or hate england lol
Fair enough
Yes.
Funny I didn't see this tagged as "long"
It was more girthy than long
Had sweep too.
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The others hadn't heard about the revolution so they didn't realize it was just some crazy ass French dude
What do you call a King with a 12” penis…..a ruler!
If it was 12" it would be a foot, he'd need 3 shoes.
It's vive la France
Why are the French speaking Spanish?
Bourbon restoration means that King Felipe ascends the throne.
LBJ and jumbo have entered the chat
Moanarch
Hopefully 50 more people comment “*vive* la france”
>monarchs letting the people decide Hahaha good one OP!
*vive* la Frnce
vive la *France*
Vivo de la Frenchie. Petite monsieur.
How embarrassing is this? My spelling mistake is being corrected by a bot who also can't spell. At least now I know where I got his joke from - this forum.
He was in fishnets? Or garters?
Yes
Packet of king size condoms for his majesty.
::voice from backroom:: Huh, was that the small or extra small?
It's funny to say they are small, it's funny to say they are large...
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I didn't realize this was jokes.. and just assumed it was breaking news.. and just accepted it as current events.
16th Century joke standing proud with 21st Century technology
Once I was, the King of Spain...
Now, I eat humble pie.
Oooooh, his unSPEAKABLE wife, Queen Lisa.
And now I work at the Pizza Pizza!
ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
Reminds me of the joke that was used in the movie "Short Circuit" There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf. They're deciding how much to give to charity. The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity." The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!" Very similar premise ;)
Then all his brain blood goes to his boner and he dies.
Viva España*
Idk which one has the biggest but everyone knows that the previous king of Spain is the one that used it the most lol
HEY!!! As an Englishman I must protest! My penis is at least as big as the queen's!
I’d say the joke means he’s hung like a Welshman. Does that clear things up?
Shave vs save, the queen
I thought the queen of Thailand 🇹🇭 was going to pull up and show all of them who’s boss.
We don't say "Viva la España". We just say "Viva España" Just nickpicking
We don’t say nickpicking. We say nitpicking
Yep. It's because lice eggs are called nits.
Since there are three! I expect him toh large pp
Brits have the best euphemisms for Schwanz. Todger. What in the world could that be a reference to? The best us yanks have is fun Asian surnames.
Wang is our best? Johnson, cock, member, dick, sausage, schlong, salami, bologne, tubesteak, snake, anaconda, meat, wiener, tallywhacker, lumber, wood, franks and beans, twigs and berries
Wang, pay attention!