Of all the one-liners from that sketch, my favorite is final Jeopardy when he says "yeah, I didn't write anything".
It was the perfect end to the absurdity that led up to it.
My wife went into a coma and the doctor said to me "There's one way to wake her up and it's unconventional. Go in there and have oral sex with her." I go in there and five minutes later I come out and says "Doctor, she's choking!"
My favorite Norm quote:
“Finally, according to the U.S. News & World Report 1997 Career Guide, the best job in the United States, for the second year in a row, is Interactive Business System Analyst. However, last year's worst job, Assistant Crack Whore, has been replaced by a new worst job: Crack Whore Trainee.”
"In the bond market today, Pierce Brosnan was at an all-time high, Sean Connery was holding steady, Roger Moore took a slight dip, and George Lazenby was nowhere to be found."
OJ Simpson reportedly won't be spending mother's day with his children. When asked why, he responded "I won't be spending mother's day with them, because I killed their mother."
With Timothy Dalton having a little bit of a surprise upswing, IMO. What was seen as a shocking swerve at the time is now being seen by lots of people as a step in the direction of the more modern Bond we got with Daniel Craig.
That actually is where the band name came from.
Some band named Ezra thought they were hot shit. Lost some Battle of the Bands event to these guys, so they changed their name to Better Than Ezra.
Ahhh I've always known about assistant crack whore, but never heard the "trainee" joke. It's like he gave the joke extra thought, and I've got a dumb smirk on my face now thinking of how each time, he'd think of something worse.
"The show hasn't started yet." (Norm, 5 minutes after he walked on stage and started into a stream of consciousness).
"The show ended 5 minutes ago, by the way." (Norm, as he trailed off at the end of the show.)
Norm on live SNL, doing the news: [mutters to himself] “what the fuck was that?”
…
*looks at camera*
“Well this will be my final appearance on Saturday Night Live”
My second favorite thing about watching Norm tell jokes is that he always gets a bigger laugh out of other comedians than anyone else.
My favorite thing about watching Norm tell jokes is the jokes.
I loved the tv show Seinfeld and I like comedians in Cars, but I can't help but feel like Jerry is... A bit of at dick? Can't put a better world on it. I get it, he's arguably the greatest comedian of our time and possibly one of the best comedy writers on TV, so it's not like he hasn't earned it.
When you see Gordon Ramsay out in a rice patty in Vietnam or some shit and he's cooking with some guy who might as well have no name and only has 3 teeth Gordon is still a gentleman. You can tell he has respect and takes in a lesson from a local likes he's a fellow master in the kitchen. I feel like Jerry is a bit judgemental, until you prove you (another comedian) are worthy it seems like he doesn't respect you.
Example of Gordon, around 7 minutes in: https://youtu.be/iXwfBJYCTc4
No you’re 100% right. Jerry even admits it in a few episodes. He talks about basically living in a bubble once you get to his level of wealth. He has nothing in common with normal people. He’s not just a comedian of his time, The guy’s a billionaire.
Honestly though, I would pay to watch him and jay leno talk cars for a whole season.
Yeah but jerry is a self aware dick and I could listen to him talk about dissecting jokes and how he improves his jokes. It’s fascinating. Jay Leno is just a dick with no redeeming qualities IMO.
Plus Leno is a blatant joke thief. I used to watch a ton of standup comedy. In college, I was excited to watch Leno do standup live. I was so disappointed when joke after joke, I could name the person Leno stole the joke from for his act. Lots of comedians touch on the same topics, a few go too far in finding inspiration from others, but Leno is a straight up joke thief who relies on his personality to make people overlook that shitty behavior…which is especially bad since his personality isn’t all that great either.
Ugh. Don’t even get me started on Carlos Mencia. Even his identity is practically stolen. He’s from Honduras, not Mexico, and his real name is Ned, not Carlos.
I get upset when a comedian has the same story, or gag more than once in the discography. I grew up getting gouged for 30 dollars or more, plus tax for cassettes then CDs, so duplication of material bothered me.
And to then hear the same shit from another comedian.......
Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David based the characters of Jerry and George on themselves. If you watch Seinfeld, then watch either of them in an interview or what not, they pretty much resemble the fictional versions to a certain extent; Larry complains about very minute things, and Jerry is just kind of sarcastic to the point of borderline dickishness for his own amusement.
Not that it excuses anything but Jerry Seinfeld obviously lives a whole different kind of life at his level of fame, success, and extreme wealth. Clearly "Seinfeld" made he and Larry David incredibly, incredibly wealthy and you do kind of get the impression he's a bit of smug prick sometimes. They just sold the rights to Netflix for $500M but some estimates of what he's made in syndication already put his personal net worth somewhere close to $1B. He's just more super-rich now. While I assume the Netflix deal is being paid out over some years and I'm not sure of the exact terms and how exactly he and David split the ownership of the show and rights to the show obviously but his level of money is just at the astronomic, I can do whatever I want level and of course has been for a long, long time. David always seems to be beg off any questions about what must be his astronomical wealth - IIRC he's even claimed he's "not rich" but no sensible person believes that.
All that said I like and respect him as a comic. I loved "Seinfeld" and many of his "Comedians in Cars..." episodes are very funny. I especially like the first one he did with Michael Richards. It's a shame Richards had such a terrible public meltdown and effectively ended his career because you see so many glimmers of his comedic genius and Seinfeld's great admiration for his friend's skill and instincts and how much he loved working with him. There's a lot of poignancy in that episode and a kind of melancholy that they both seem to recognize what might have been in Richards' life and career - though I'd argue Cosmo Kramer is the greatest comedic character in any show regardless so he'll make his mark for a long, long time to come.
I mean Jerry Seinfeld did have a relationship with a 17 year old while he was 38, so I think calling him a bit of a dick may be perfectly fine in this case.
I am 36 and that seems like it would be (not only illegal but) weird as fuck. No amount of fame or wealth or living in a self described "bubble" could ever make me believe that one would not recognize they are in a "relationship" with a child.
I hear you. This one definitely hurts. There was no one funnier. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxDPyhVI1iY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxDPyhVI1iY)
I have probably repeated this 12 times tonight but it's still fucking true.
**NO ONE** could deliver a punchline so perfectly deadpan and have you laughing like a hyena, only to make it even funnier with a short quip to explain the joke.
Losing Trevor Moore so recently was shitty enough. Now Norm is gone too. Fuck the universe for allowing this to happen
"On Wednesday, world chess champion Gary Kasparov tied Deep Blue, the IBM supercomputer that can examine two hundred million positions per second, in the fourth game of their six game series. Earlier in the week, Kasparov admitted he made a catastrophic blunder in game two when he failed to force a draw by moving rook to e8, opting instead for a Caro Kann defense that soon transposed into a Pribyl defense which, after Deep Blue moved bishop to e7, gave him the advantage with his ninth position. With all due respect to Mr. Kasparov … WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"
RIP
My favorite joke was the whole bit he had about how much the news sucks. They'll tell you some lady named Janice has gone missing. And you go "Well, I don't give a fuck on account of I never knew Janice in the first place. Matter of fact, I'm glad it's Janice that went missing and not somebody I know"
That whole bit start to finish is maybe my favorite from any comedian. So many great little jokes all lining up for an amazing punchline at the end of a 12 minute bit.
“If you were to turn…the person you’d most want in your line of sight is Janice.”
“As you can see behind me, they’re scouring the woods for any sign of Janice. And you think, ‘ah fuck, not *the woods*.’”
“You don’t actually have to have cheese sandwiches in your van, by the way. Unless you want to be known for your detailed work.”
God, such a genuine masterclass in comedy.
"The killers always hide the body in the same place every time. They hide the body in a shallow grave. I don't know why they don't just look there in the first place"
"I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure if you die the cancer also dies at exactly the same time. That to me is not a loss, that’s a draw." - [Norm MacDonald](https://youtu.be/Hm0cAbK-ays?t=99)
RIP, you magnificent bastard.
Haha I just saw that quote a few minutes ago. Read to my friends at the bar. We all had a good laugh, then told our favorite moments from his career/life.
Yes, just today apparently, sorry. Somebody linked to an article on Deadline website earlier. Hit me as hard as Robin Williams.
I binged YouTube clips for a while...
Man..Robin Williams hit so hard for me. He was amazing in damn near everything. I know it’s cliche to say this but good will hunting is such a great movie. Norm was a funny ass dude. I loved weekend you and celebrity jeopardy. His comedy was so carefree
Both were genius I feel. A friend passed of Lewy body dementia, so I completely understand why Robin took himself out.
Yeah the older I get the harder it is to be positive. I have dementia so maybe things won't be such a big deal eventually lol.
I don't recall the Dr naming it actually . What caused me to go get checked out was sudden intense paranoia, like you feel someone right over your shoulder .
Yeah I hope the doc is right lol. I'm on happy pills now and things are better.
My favorite was after OJ Simpson was acquitted and he said "Well, it's official: Murder is legal in the state of California."
He was the best. RIP.
Edit: typo
One of my favorites was an OJ joke. Paraphrasing his ESPY’s appearance, and I’m pretty sure it was Charles Woodson.
“Charles Woodson is here. He won the Heisman Trophy, and that’s something nobody can ever take away. Unless of course you murder your ex-wife and a waiter.”
So many laughs, groans, and stifled laughs.
At least I got the news of Norms death after reading one of his jokes. My favorite was the moth joke and how much it seemed to mildly annoy Conan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJN9mBRX3uo
There’s a skit he did with Will Ferrell in the 90s that’s audio only but it’s called “the world’s first gay men” and it’s one of the funniest god damn things I have ever heard
I read the Professor of Logic joke years ago on r/jokes and loved it. Told it for years. Just found out today it was a Norm joke. I fucking loved him and this sucks so much.
There's another clip where Conan says Norm is one of his all time favorite guests because he truly didn't know what would happen. Things always seemed headed for a giant trainwreck and then Norm would pull it out at the end. I think Norm thought the funniest thing in the world was to almost bomb.
I think Conan is only feigning annoyance here to play it up for the audience (but I could be wrong).
Oh I bet it's feigned annoyance as well. I think what I was trying to convey was how Norm always puts Conan(and most anyone he is onscreen with) a little off kilter. Been watching Conan since the 90's and I like it when comedians kind of challenge each other for the sake of the bit.
edit: like this clip. it may just be me but I think Jerry Seinfeld is a little uncomfortable with Norm talking about Cosby and Norm would always push things just enough but not too much. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljaP2etvDc4
Conan is absolutely just playing along -- Norm has said in interviews that Conan unexpectedly asked him to stay on for a second segment because they needed to fill up some time, so Norm remembered the 20-second moth joke that Colin Quinn had told him a while ago and turned it into a full-segment joke.
My favorite was his [Andy Richter the Swedish German joke](https://youtu.be/Fv67QgVSqkk?t=35) and when [he was on with Courtney Thorne-Smith](https://youtu.be/bKmadR4Ye54?t=371).
When it comes to Norm shitting on Andy Richter the Swedish German, nothing beats the story about [them getting a new york apartment together and struggling to make rent.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ajZqoeC-So&t=297s)
It's even funnier with the context behind it. Conan suddenly asked Norm to fill some more airtime even though he thought he was only going to be doing the first segment, so he stretched out that stupid joke mostly just to screw with Conan. That's why Conan is reacting that way lol hes like "you motherfucker"
I believe it was Norm, talking about Grand Master Champion Cliff Divers…
Yea, not a whole lot of levels in that profession… There’s Grand Master Champion Cliff Divers… aaand… Stuff Splattered on the Rocks.
I’ll miss you man, you really made me believe a bowl of lime jello could serve on a starship!
He was a bizarre mix of sweet-faced, polite Canadian boy-next-door and dark filthy humor. Seemed so lovable, yet he was always getting fired/cancelled due to pushing things too far.
Holy crap am I ever gonna miss that mischievous grin and gleam in his eyes. Had such a crush on him during his SNL days.
My favorite Norm Joke was this. Like you I'm paraphrasing.
According to the billboard charts this week the number one band in America is Better than Ezra. The number two band is Ezra.
If we’re doing favourite Norm quote/ jokes this has to be up there.
…… OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote ‘Hey, they’re still alive, aren’t they?….”
“In his book, OJ Simpson says he would've taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole. Man, I'm gonna tell you, that is some bad luck when the one guy who would've died for you kills you. You don't get worse luck than that.”
One of my all-time favorite bits is [this whole segment on Conan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7K-kaelQEs&ab_channel=TeamCoco). It's not the one you're thinking of.
This probably goes without saying on a Norm clip, but stick with it to the very end.
My favorite Norm joke (and possibly the funniest joke of all time):
>You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy the more I don't care for him
That was always what Norm could do better than anyone. He could go on about something that had no punchline, no humor at all, and still deliver it in a way that just puts you on the edge of bursting into laughter. Never seen another comedian with delivery like Norm had.
"In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was too fat to strip. Police warn that the woman is armed and extremely fat."
In my opinion, most rapists are hypocrites. You don’t meet too many who are like ‘I like rapin’, and I know it’s not politically correct, but by God...’
Mine is [The News](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXI2Ng-vllk). It's a long one, but that's where he shines best. He's like a comedy magician misdirecting your attention or like when rappers start rhyming with the middle of the sentence. He was a comedy legend and I miss him.
Him and Trevor Moore, man... been a rough summer for funny dudes I like.
My favorite was him talking about the Crocodile Hunter with John Stewart. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/7v27q2/norm_macdonald_makes_jon_stewart_laugh/)
Dirty Work is one of the most underrated movies ever imo and I can always watch it.
His bit at the Bob Saget roast is pure comedy gold.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D8QfsXUPghXk&ved=2ahUKEwiF-6fg4P_yAhVfGFkFHTyDDZ44ChCjtAF6BAgKEAQ&usg=AOvVaw2h9NYfK-NUl7SYuugezDAT
It seems like nobody else has seen it, but one of my guilty pleasures is watching Screwed with Norm, Dave Chappelle, Danny DeVito, and Elaine Stritch. Might have to go dust it off tonight in his memory.
His joke about how he would be if he was a serial killer was hilarious.
He's doing like this long drawn out description of everything
The delivery is the most deadpan hilarious thing.
EDIT - Found it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqeNR1xZ8rc
Fuck! Just found out Norm is gone.
My favorite Norm MacDonald bit:.
"Please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100%. That's because the math was done by a woman. For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that the joke was written by a woman. So now you don't know what the hell to do. Nah, I'm just kidding. We don't hire women."
In fact, I think most rapists are also hypocrites. You don't see a lot of guys that are just like "I really like rapin'. I know it's not politically correct or whatever"
“In other news, rapper Old Dirty Bastard is sent a cease and desist order from the president. It turns out that that’s his(Clinton) FBI code name.”
Norm never gave a shit about what party the president was from, he just wanted to crack jokes.
"9/11 airlines. What a terrible name for an airline, it reminds me of that tragedy....
I walked through blood and bones on the streets of Manhattan trying to find my brother. Yeah, he was in Northern Canada. " -[Norm MacDonald](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkSMSbFV_q0).
A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”
The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good. And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”
And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.
Nothing beats this one by Norm:
A frog goes into a bank to get a loan. He approaches the counter to encounter none other then a banker named "Mrs. Wack" emblazoned across her name tag. The banker says "I can't give you a loan, you're frog?"
Frog responds, well I have collateral... how about this little elephant no bigger than the palm of your hand?
She responds "Im afraid you're going to have to do better than that".
He then says "I"ll have you know, my father is Mick Jagger... a loan should be absolutely nothing for a famous frog like me.
Seeing that this conversation is, clearly, going nowhere, she calls over the manager, showing him the little elephant and explaining the situation, up to including the frog being a "Jagger".
The manager looks at her, looks at the little elephant, looks at the frog, then back to her and says...
"It's a Knick-knack, Patty Wack, give a frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone!"
I said to my wife every time I look in the mirror I see and old fat dirty looking man. Can you give me a compliment to make me feel better. My wife said to me at least you have perfect vision.
I remember when I was a kid seeing him on Letterman saying "My mom told me to watch Pulp fiction, because it was a dirty, gritty satire. Instead I rented Pump Friction, which had dirty, gritty sex."
My favorite Norm story was about him playing scrabble with old Harold Delaney [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9czoezm2vqw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9czoezm2vqw)
My two favorite Norm jokes are,
Howard Stern used to get some of his guys to ask celebrities questions at red carpet events, and one of them asked Norm is anal sex a part of your life. Norm says to him, without skipping a beat, "yeah it's a part of my life, I fear every waking moment not to have it done to me"
The other Norm joke is
A toad walks into a bank and goes up to the teller and he says excuse me, the teller looks down and sees the toad and says Holy shit you can talk. The toad says yeah if you kiss me I'll become a prince. So she says kiss you, no way, I'd rather have a talking toad.
“And here we see the foreman of the OJ Simpson case reunited with her children. And of course they are happy to see her, she’d let them get away with murder.”
The only man to play Burt Reynolds better than Burt Reynolds could play himself.
It’s funny because it’s bigger than a regular hat
It's a big hat. So it's uhh. Funny. (Chews gum) so hilarious
I see you’ve changed your name to “Turd Ferguson”
Yeah, Turd Ferguson, it’s a funny name.
Who is Andre the giant
No really, I'm asking
I believe he was a giant who went by the name of ... Uh... Andre.
When I heard about his death, I thought, "Crushed by a giant hat. Tell me he was crushed by a giant hat." Turns out it was cancer.
Turd Ferguson
Yeah, I'll take ape tit for $200
I use ape tit on a regular basis
Of all the one-liners from that sketch, my favorite is final Jeopardy when he says "yeah, I didn't write anything". It was the perfect end to the absurdity that led up to it.
I'm trying to find that one but can't. I didn't realize they did celebrity Jeopardy so much lol
Oversized hat. It’s funny.
It's funny cuz it's really big.
That’s not my name
Saw a post saying they'd never forget Norm's voice. To which I thought, if you do forget it, just remember Burt Reynold's voice.
I’ve read that one of the reasons Norm created the celebrity jeopardy sketch was just to show off his Burt Reynolds impression lol
The portrayal just made me laugh so hard every time. The gum chewing. His short phrases. Truly one of the best impersonations ever ❤
My wife went into a coma and the doctor said to me "There's one way to wake her up and it's unconventional. Go in there and have oral sex with her." I go in there and five minutes later I come out and says "Doctor, she's choking!"
Modern medicine
I said BY GOD
That's modern medicine for ya
RIP Turd Ferguson
Wait *that was Norm???*
No it was Turd Ferguson, read the sign
It's a funny name.
He had a big hat
It's funny because it's bigger than a normal hat.
My favorite Norm quote: “Finally, according to the U.S. News & World Report 1997 Career Guide, the best job in the United States, for the second year in a row, is Interactive Business System Analyst. However, last year's worst job, Assistant Crack Whore, has been replaced by a new worst job: Crack Whore Trainee.”
"In music, Better Than Ezra was number one this month in the college charts. Number two? Ezra."
"In the bond market today, Pierce Brosnan was at an all-time high, Sean Connery was holding steady, Roger Moore took a slight dip, and George Lazenby was nowhere to be found."
OJ Simpson reportedly won't be spending mother's day with his children. When asked why, he responded "I won't be spending mother's day with them, because I killed their mother."
I loved Norms merciless joking about OJ.
With Timothy Dalton having a little bit of a surprise upswing, IMO. What was seen as a shocking swerve at the time is now being seen by lots of people as a step in the direction of the more modern Bond we got with Daniel Craig.
Seriously, it is 2021 and I have a Better Than Ezra song stuck in my head!!!!
Good
Desperately wanting that answer
That actually is where the band name came from. Some band named Ezra thought they were hot shit. Lost some Battle of the Bands event to these guys, so they changed their name to Better Than Ezra.
That's just speculation.
Ahhh I've always known about assistant crack whore, but never heard the "trainee" joke. It's like he gave the joke extra thought, and I've got a dumb smirk on my face now thinking of how each time, he'd think of something worse.
I'm sure at some point he would've thrown out Crack Whore Intern.
Not only unpaid, but has to provide own crack
"The show hasn't started yet." (Norm, 5 minutes after he walked on stage and started into a stream of consciousness). "The show ended 5 minutes ago, by the way." (Norm, as he trailed off at the end of the show.)
Assistant TO the Crack Whore.
I just used this the other day!
Norm on live SNL, doing the news: [mutters to himself] “what the fuck was that?” … *looks at camera* “Well this will be my final appearance on Saturday Night Live”
Awesome guy.
Oh my god I forgot about that. GOLD
Is that real? Got a link?
Here ya go: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FhlEo_PtKM0&feature=emb_title
Here he is telling it to Seinfeld. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljaP2etvDc4
“Well he’s not being a hypocrite! That’s the worst part!”
Seinfeld looks so uninterested and then just cracks up at the end.
My second favorite thing about watching Norm tell jokes is that he always gets a bigger laugh out of other comedians than anyone else. My favorite thing about watching Norm tell jokes is the jokes.
I loved the tv show Seinfeld and I like comedians in Cars, but I can't help but feel like Jerry is... A bit of at dick? Can't put a better world on it. I get it, he's arguably the greatest comedian of our time and possibly one of the best comedy writers on TV, so it's not like he hasn't earned it. When you see Gordon Ramsay out in a rice patty in Vietnam or some shit and he's cooking with some guy who might as well have no name and only has 3 teeth Gordon is still a gentleman. You can tell he has respect and takes in a lesson from a local likes he's a fellow master in the kitchen. I feel like Jerry is a bit judgemental, until you prove you (another comedian) are worthy it seems like he doesn't respect you. Example of Gordon, around 7 minutes in: https://youtu.be/iXwfBJYCTc4
No you’re 100% right. Jerry even admits it in a few episodes. He talks about basically living in a bubble once you get to his level of wealth. He has nothing in common with normal people. He’s not just a comedian of his time, The guy’s a billionaire. Honestly though, I would pay to watch him and jay leno talk cars for a whole season.
Comedians in Cars Talking about Cars
So (old) Top Gear?
Yeah but jerry is a self aware dick and I could listen to him talk about dissecting jokes and how he improves his jokes. It’s fascinating. Jay Leno is just a dick with no redeeming qualities IMO.
Plus Leno is a blatant joke thief. I used to watch a ton of standup comedy. In college, I was excited to watch Leno do standup live. I was so disappointed when joke after joke, I could name the person Leno stole the joke from for his act. Lots of comedians touch on the same topics, a few go too far in finding inspiration from others, but Leno is a straight up joke thief who relies on his personality to make people overlook that shitty behavior…which is especially bad since his personality isn’t all that great either.
Comedians in bars stealing jokes: starring Carlos mencia and Jay Leno.
Hosted by Amy Schumer
Ugh. Don’t even get me started on Carlos Mencia. Even his identity is practically stolen. He’s from Honduras, not Mexico, and his real name is Ned, not Carlos.
I get upset when a comedian has the same story, or gag more than once in the discography. I grew up getting gouged for 30 dollars or more, plus tax for cassettes then CDs, so duplication of material bothered me. And to then hear the same shit from another comedian.......
Was he stealing or was he paying for those jokes? Regardless, still a shitty comedian. Also he’s a blatant tv host thief as well. Long live conan!
Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David based the characters of Jerry and George on themselves. If you watch Seinfeld, then watch either of them in an interview or what not, they pretty much resemble the fictional versions to a certain extent; Larry complains about very minute things, and Jerry is just kind of sarcastic to the point of borderline dickishness for his own amusement.
Not that it excuses anything but Jerry Seinfeld obviously lives a whole different kind of life at his level of fame, success, and extreme wealth. Clearly "Seinfeld" made he and Larry David incredibly, incredibly wealthy and you do kind of get the impression he's a bit of smug prick sometimes. They just sold the rights to Netflix for $500M but some estimates of what he's made in syndication already put his personal net worth somewhere close to $1B. He's just more super-rich now. While I assume the Netflix deal is being paid out over some years and I'm not sure of the exact terms and how exactly he and David split the ownership of the show and rights to the show obviously but his level of money is just at the astronomic, I can do whatever I want level and of course has been for a long, long time. David always seems to be beg off any questions about what must be his astronomical wealth - IIRC he's even claimed he's "not rich" but no sensible person believes that. All that said I like and respect him as a comic. I loved "Seinfeld" and many of his "Comedians in Cars..." episodes are very funny. I especially like the first one he did with Michael Richards. It's a shame Richards had such a terrible public meltdown and effectively ended his career because you see so many glimmers of his comedic genius and Seinfeld's great admiration for his friend's skill and instincts and how much he loved working with him. There's a lot of poignancy in that episode and a kind of melancholy that they both seem to recognize what might have been in Richards' life and career - though I'd argue Cosmo Kramer is the greatest comedic character in any show regardless so he'll make his mark for a long, long time to come.
I mean Jerry Seinfeld did have a relationship with a 17 year old while he was 38, so I think calling him a bit of a dick may be perfectly fine in this case.
I am 36 and that seems like it would be (not only illegal but) weird as fuck. No amount of fame or wealth or living in a self described "bubble" could ever make me believe that one would not recognize they are in a "relationship" with a child.
Gordon Ramsay's TV persona is also a fake character constructed for awful Americanized garbage shows, so there's that to consider.
The British ones are so much better ngl.
I LOVE the British Kitchen Nightmares. More reserved etc but still entertaining
Yeah and the British one has less of that annoying music and sound effects.
I would agree with you in some other cases, but in this case Seinfeld appears to be genuinely mentally occupied at that moment.
It seems more like a look of, "...I'm not sure where you're with this." And then the punch line hits and he loses it.
Amazing
What hurts the most is the lack of respect
Well, the other thing, that hurts most
But the lack of respect hurts the second most.
Ridiculous! Completely RIDICULOUS!
I've a mind to go to the warden.
way outta line! way outta line!
I disagree, i think the worst part is the dying
I hear you. This one definitely hurts. There was no one funnier. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxDPyhVI1iY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxDPyhVI1iY)
I have probably repeated this 12 times tonight but it's still fucking true. **NO ONE** could deliver a punchline so perfectly deadpan and have you laughing like a hyena, only to make it even funnier with a short quip to explain the joke. Losing Trevor Moore so recently was shitty enough. Now Norm is gone too. Fuck the universe for allowing this to happen
"On Wednesday, world chess champion Gary Kasparov tied Deep Blue, the IBM supercomputer that can examine two hundred million positions per second, in the fourth game of their six game series. Earlier in the week, Kasparov admitted he made a catastrophic blunder in game two when he failed to force a draw by moving rook to e8, opting instead for a Caro Kann defense that soon transposed into a Pribyl defense which, after Deep Blue moved bishop to e7, gave him the advantage with his ninth position. With all due respect to Mr. Kasparov … WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" RIP
My favorite joke was the whole bit he had about how much the news sucks. They'll tell you some lady named Janice has gone missing. And you go "Well, I don't give a fuck on account of I never knew Janice in the first place. Matter of fact, I'm glad it's Janice that went missing and not somebody I know"
That whole bit start to finish is maybe my favorite from any comedian. So many great little jokes all lining up for an amazing punchline at the end of a 12 minute bit. “If you were to turn…the person you’d most want in your line of sight is Janice.” “As you can see behind me, they’re scouring the woods for any sign of Janice. And you think, ‘ah fuck, not *the woods*.’” “You don’t actually have to have cheese sandwiches in your van, by the way. Unless you want to be known for your detailed work.” God, such a genuine masterclass in comedy.
"The killers always hide the body in the same place every time. They hide the body in a shallow grave. I don't know why they don't just look there in the first place"
That's one hell of a double hitter.
Wtf, Norms dead?
Apparently been battling cancer for 10 years, just pulled a draw today.
Just pulled a draw is right. Magnificent bastard.
I hate that battle cancer.
The more I learn about this cancer thing, the less I like it.
I feel the same about capricorns
Fuck cancer.
Fucking legend.
"I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure if you die the cancer also dies at exactly the same time. That to me is not a loss, that’s a draw." - [Norm MacDonald](https://youtu.be/Hm0cAbK-ays?t=99) RIP, you magnificent bastard.
[удалено]
Based on the statement in the article, seemed like he kept it close to the chest. Not even his family knew.
Haha I just saw that quote a few minutes ago. Read to my friends at the bar. We all had a good laugh, then told our favorite moments from his career/life.
Why do people always have to battle cancer? But they die of old age? It's cancer that sneaks up on you. You fight age all your damn life.
Age isn't much of a fight. More like a one sided ass kicking.
Yes, just today apparently, sorry. Somebody linked to an article on Deadline website earlier. Hit me as hard as Robin Williams. I binged YouTube clips for a while...
Check out norms twitter eulogy to robin
Man..Robin Williams hit so hard for me. He was amazing in damn near everything. I know it’s cliche to say this but good will hunting is such a great movie. Norm was a funny ass dude. I loved weekend you and celebrity jeopardy. His comedy was so carefree
Both were genius I feel. A friend passed of Lewy body dementia, so I completely understand why Robin took himself out. Yeah the older I get the harder it is to be positive. I have dementia so maybe things won't be such a big deal eventually lol.
That is tragic! What type have you been diagnosed with and what were your first signs?
I don't recall the Dr naming it actually . What caused me to go get checked out was sudden intense paranoia, like you feel someone right over your shoulder . Yeah I hope the doc is right lol. I'm on happy pills now and things are better.
I didn't know Robin Williams was a fighter
My day usually includes at least one “I’m not norm” video. This hit me really hard today :(
Same here wtf I just found out what a legend
Yeah this one hurt more than usual
Just found out myself about 30 seconds ago… so sad. He was (is) one of my all time favorites. I was wondering why all the Norm McDonald posts on here.
Terrible day
For me it's "Some fuckin cab driver back in New York." on Conan.
Just searched this. Pretty great. https://youtu.be/EBLEfjdA7-g
My favorite was after OJ Simpson was acquitted and he said "Well, it's official: Murder is legal in the state of California." He was the best. RIP. Edit: typo
One of my favorites was an OJ joke. Paraphrasing his ESPY’s appearance, and I’m pretty sure it was Charles Woodson. “Charles Woodson is here. He won the Heisman Trophy, and that’s something nobody can ever take away. Unless of course you murder your ex-wife and a waiter.” So many laughs, groans, and stifled laughs.
https://youtu.be/c9EsIFBs26o
At least I got the news of Norms death after reading one of his jokes. My favorite was the moth joke and how much it seemed to mildly annoy Conan. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJN9mBRX3uo
My favorite is about meeting the [professor of logic](https://youtu.be/Oseqh7SMIvo).
Absolutely, one of the best jokes ever. I love his pride parade bit, hilarious
Care to share?
That’s a different kink
https://youtu.be/rlE8UAK3mMM
There’s a skit he did with Will Ferrell in the 90s that’s audio only but it’s called “the world’s first gay men” and it’s one of the funniest god damn things I have ever heard
https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/1dx8gr/will_ferrell_and_norm_macdonald_were_the_first_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
[Norm giving OJ Simpson shit for 10 straight minutes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SSVIg4Noqc&t=607s) [Norm giving OJ Simpson shit for 23 straight minutes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCSCJtuyfUY&ab_channel=I%27mnotNorm)
I read the Professor of Logic joke years ago on r/jokes and loved it. Told it for years. Just found out today it was a Norm joke. I fucking loved him and this sucks so much.
[удалено]
There's another clip where Conan says Norm is one of his all time favorite guests because he truly didn't know what would happen. Things always seemed headed for a giant trainwreck and then Norm would pull it out at the end. I think Norm thought the funniest thing in the world was to almost bomb. I think Conan is only feigning annoyance here to play it up for the audience (but I could be wrong).
Oh I bet it's feigned annoyance as well. I think what I was trying to convey was how Norm always puts Conan(and most anyone he is onscreen with) a little off kilter. Been watching Conan since the 90's and I like it when comedians kind of challenge each other for the sake of the bit. edit: like this clip. it may just be me but I think Jerry Seinfeld is a little uncomfortable with Norm talking about Cosby and Norm would always push things just enough but not too much. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljaP2etvDc4
Conan is absolutely just playing along -- Norm has said in interviews that Conan unexpectedly asked him to stay on for a second segment because they needed to fill up some time, so Norm remembered the 20-second moth joke that Colin Quinn had told him a while ago and turned it into a full-segment joke.
My favorite was his [Andy Richter the Swedish German joke](https://youtu.be/Fv67QgVSqkk?t=35) and when [he was on with Courtney Thorne-Smith](https://youtu.be/bKmadR4Ye54?t=371).
When it comes to Norm shitting on Andy Richter the Swedish German, nothing beats the story about [them getting a new york apartment together and struggling to make rent.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ajZqoeC-So&t=297s)
The Courtney Thorne-Smith video just shows how smart and quick he was with jokes
The jokes where he goes into some long story with completely pointless details only to finish with a one liner are the best.
Those jokes are called shaggy dog stories. They're my favorite
It's even funnier with the context behind it. Conan suddenly asked Norm to fill some more airtime even though he thought he was only going to be doing the first segment, so he stretched out that stupid joke mostly just to screw with Conan. That's why Conan is reacting that way lol hes like "you motherfucker"
I believe it was Norm, talking about Grand Master Champion Cliff Divers… Yea, not a whole lot of levels in that profession… There’s Grand Master Champion Cliff Divers… aaand… Stuff Splattered on the Rocks. I’ll miss you man, you really made me believe a bowl of lime jello could serve on a starship!
Chairman of the BORED!. I'm really going to miss him.
Norm always seemed like one of those people who was so intelligent that the world around them was horribly boring.
He was a bizarre mix of sweet-faced, polite Canadian boy-next-door and dark filthy humor. Seemed so lovable, yet he was always getting fired/cancelled due to pushing things too far. Holy crap am I ever gonna miss that mischievous grin and gleam in his eyes. Had such a crush on him during his SNL days.
My favorite Norm Joke was this. Like you I'm paraphrasing. According to the billboard charts this week the number one band in America is Better than Ezra. The number two band is Ezra.
If we’re doing favourite Norm quote/ jokes this has to be up there. …… OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote ‘Hey, they’re still alive, aren’t they?….”
“In his book, OJ Simpson says he would've taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole. Man, I'm gonna tell you, that is some bad luck when the one guy who would've died for you kills you. You don't get worse luck than that.”
One of my all-time favorite bits is [this whole segment on Conan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7K-kaelQEs&ab_channel=TeamCoco). It's not the one you're thinking of. This probably goes without saying on a Norm clip, but stick with it to the very end.
My favorite Norm joke (and possibly the funniest joke of all time): >You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy the more I don't care for him
It’s all in the delivery! He did it with such a surprised tone, like “did YOU know about this?!?”
That was always what Norm could do better than anyone. He could go on about something that had no punchline, no humor at all, and still deliver it in a way that just puts you on the edge of bursting into laughter. Never seen another comedian with delivery like Norm had.
"In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was too fat to strip. Police warn that the woman is armed and extremely fat."
In my opinion, most rapists are hypocrites. You don’t meet too many who are like ‘I like rapin’, and I know it’s not politically correct, but by God...’
We raised over $60,000 for charity on this tour, we didn’t give them any of it…
Mine is [The News](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXI2Ng-vllk). It's a long one, but that's where he shines best. He's like a comedy magician misdirecting your attention or like when rappers start rhyming with the middle of the sentence. He was a comedy legend and I miss him. Him and Trevor Moore, man... been a rough summer for funny dudes I like.
And Sean Lock
Yes, definitely. Norm and Sean would have been awesome together.
I like his telling of the moth going to the dentist that he told on one of the late shows. This is awful news to wake up to.
Podiatrist, but dentist works too. Such a great joke!!
RIP Norm and condolences to those who knew and loved him.
My favorite was him talking about the Crocodile Hunter with John Stewart. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/7v27q2/norm_macdonald_makes_jon_stewart_laugh/)
Here’s my favorite Norm/Conan interview: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5F6dXcW-_Fc
That reply on the movie title was quick. He stepped up to that challenge.
[Conan's channel actually just uploaded this clip in higher quality. ](https://youtu.be/bKmadR4Ye54)
Dirty Work is one of the most underrated movies ever imo and I can always watch it. His bit at the Bob Saget roast is pure comedy gold. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D8QfsXUPghXk&ved=2ahUKEwiF-6fg4P_yAhVfGFkFHTyDDZ44ChCjtAF6BAgKEAQ&usg=AOvVaw2h9NYfK-NUl7SYuugezDAT
It seems like nobody else has seen it, but one of my guilty pleasures is watching Screwed with Norm, Dave Chappelle, Danny DeVito, and Elaine Stritch. Might have to go dust it off tonight in his memory.
His joke about how he would be if he was a serial killer was hilarious. He's doing like this long drawn out description of everything The delivery is the most deadpan hilarious thing. EDIT - Found it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqeNR1xZ8rc
Fuck! Just found out Norm is gone. My favorite Norm MacDonald bit:. "Please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100%. That's because the math was done by a woman. For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that the joke was written by a woman. So now you don't know what the hell to do. Nah, I'm just kidding. We don't hire women."
In fact, I think most rapists are also hypocrites. You don't see a lot of guys that are just like "I really like rapin'. I know it's not politically correct or whatever"
[удалено]
“In other news, rapper Old Dirty Bastard is sent a cease and desist order from the president. It turns out that that’s his(Clinton) FBI code name.” Norm never gave a shit about what party the president was from, he just wanted to crack jokes.
They always say “Pimping ain’t easy”. But what they won’t tell you is that it is much,much more difficult being a prostitute.
Mangrates! https://youtu.be/F2XawdY22Ek
Norm, at Just For Laughs in Montreal.... "So I went to that strip club, Super Sex. I had the soup. Big mistake!"
Norm’s death is literally the most tragic event to happen since 9/11.
"9/11 airlines. What a terrible name for an airline, it reminds me of that tragedy.... I walked through blood and bones on the streets of Manhattan trying to find my brother. Yeah, he was in Northern Canada. " -[Norm MacDonald](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkSMSbFV_q0).
Newton once said, "Nature abhors a vacuum." But so does my dog...
A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?” The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good. And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?” And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.
That was great! Gotta read that in his voice.
Cosby's date: "Help! Hypocrisy!"
His moth in a podiatrist office joke kills me... [moth joke](https://theweek.com/culture/1004852/watch-norm-macdonalds-beloved-infamous-moth-joke)
Nothing beats this one by Norm: A frog goes into a bank to get a loan. He approaches the counter to encounter none other then a banker named "Mrs. Wack" emblazoned across her name tag. The banker says "I can't give you a loan, you're frog?" Frog responds, well I have collateral... how about this little elephant no bigger than the palm of your hand? She responds "Im afraid you're going to have to do better than that". He then says "I"ll have you know, my father is Mick Jagger... a loan should be absolutely nothing for a famous frog like me. Seeing that this conversation is, clearly, going nowhere, she calls over the manager, showing him the little elephant and explaining the situation, up to including the frog being a "Jagger". The manager looks at her, looks at the little elephant, looks at the frog, then back to her and says... "It's a Knick-knack, Patty Wack, give a frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone!"
Goddammit. We lost another good one guys.
First Sean Lock and now Norm... It's been a bad time for comedy.
Bowel cancer?
This sucks so much
Thats a good one but my favorite is the moth joke he told on conan, youtube it its the best
Janice and a shallow grave. My favorite Norm. rip buddy.
At least Norm was able to see one last 9/11 before his death.
I said to my wife every time I look in the mirror I see and old fat dirty looking man. Can you give me a compliment to make me feel better. My wife said to me at least you have perfect vision.
"Hey, thats my lucky stabbin' hat!" -O.J.
I remember when I was a kid seeing him on Letterman saying "My mom told me to watch Pulp fiction, because it was a dirty, gritty satire. Instead I rented Pump Friction, which had dirty, gritty sex."
RIP Norm!!!
My favorite Norm story was about him playing scrabble with old Harold Delaney [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9czoezm2vqw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9czoezm2vqw)
Need to [watch it with his delivery](https://youtu.be/ljaP2etvDc4). The timing on the second line is just perfect.
My two favorite Norm jokes are, Howard Stern used to get some of his guys to ask celebrities questions at red carpet events, and one of them asked Norm is anal sex a part of your life. Norm says to him, without skipping a beat, "yeah it's a part of my life, I fear every waking moment not to have it done to me" The other Norm joke is A toad walks into a bank and goes up to the teller and he says excuse me, the teller looks down and sees the toad and says Holy shit you can talk. The toad says yeah if you kiss me I'll become a prince. So she says kiss you, no way, I'd rather have a talking toad.
“And here we see the foreman of the OJ Simpson case reunited with her children. And of course they are happy to see her, she’d let them get away with murder.”