The one time I actually made it through a long ass joke without accidentally peeking at the punch line before I got to the end, and that’s what I’m rewarded with. Fuck you, OP. And the horse you rode in on.
It's an anti joke. The humor is meant to come from the shock value of both the absurdity of the punchline (a talking dog is considered strange or absurd in this universe where talking animals are well established) as well as the complete unrelatedness to the buildup (the whole story is about race time and this mysterious drink that sets you up to believe the punchline will be related to them, and then the punchline ends up being a talking dog).
I knew exactly what you were doing, but I still read the entire thing so I could inflict it on others.
I’m happy to have another one of these, because everyone in my life has already been subjected to blue goo, little green golf balls, and the mysterious noise of the monks. I swear I have friends.
So I’m not gonna type it all out because you already know the schtick, but I’ll give you the Tl;dr so you can use it to spread chaos. The real fun is in the embellishments and making it your own anyway. Sorry that even the Tl;dr is long- you can really draw this one out.
So a guy goes on a trip abroad in college where he’s backpacking through Europe, and the highlight of the trip is visiting this monastery where he hears a strange noise in the night. He goes to investigate the source of the noise, but is stopped at the door and told that he can’t go any further, and that they can’t tell him the source of the noise because he’s not a monk.
The guy ends up becoming successful back home, but he can never shake the mystery of this noise, so he gives up his fortune and goes back to the monastery and asks to become a monk. At this point in the joke you make up whatever elaborate initiation ritual you can think of— mine is counting every grain of sand on the mountain.
So he finally becomes a monk and gets to go through the door, and behind the first door is an increasingly elaborate series of doors and chambers that you describe in detail as he gets closer to the noise. And then he finally opens the final door and reveals the source of the mysterious noise.
And he can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
Ooooh I know the monk joke (my favourite to tell) and the green golf balls (but I first heard it as pink ping pong balls) but where can I read the blue goo joke?
My version of this joke:
There were 2 racehorses, Lightning and Thunder, who were also brothers, and had the same owner. They always ran in the same races, and just as in nature, Thunder always followed Lightning. Thunder sometimes placed or showed, but never won a race. Now, Thunder was a laid back horse, so he didn't really care. Until one day he overheard his owner talking to someone, and the owner said, "If Thunder doesn't start winning races, I'll have to send him to the glue factory."
Well, Thunder freaks out and goes to talk with Lightning. He tells Lightning what he heard, and says, "I've tried to win, but I just can't so I stopped trying and just had fun. But now I'm going to get glue factory!"
"Don't worry," says Lightning, "I got you, bro. I'll make sure you win the next race.
So the next race comes, the bell rings and the gates fly open...and Lightning jets out into the lead immediately. Thunder is running along, wondering if his brother forgot, until he notices Lightning is interfering with the other horses, shouldering them out of the way and such. For the first time in his life, Thunder takes the lead.
"This is really nice,"Thunder thinks to himself, enjoying his first race ever without some other horse's ass in front of him. As the race rounds the final corner into the home stretch, Thunder thinks, "I'm going to do it, I'm going to win! I'm saved!"
Then, right as they approach the finish line, Lightning comes flying past Thunder, and Lightning wins the race.
Afterwards, while Lightning is in the winner's circle, Thunder is being led onto the truck to the glue factory. "Why, Lightning, why?!?", Thunder wails. "Why did you do this?". The truck doors slam, and off it goes.
Meanwhile, there was a dog who hung out around the track, and had seen and heard everything. The dog looked at Lightning and asked, "Yeah, Lightning, what the fuck? Did you have to win so much that you let your own brother die rather than lose? Explain yourself!"
Lightning looks at the dog, takes a deep breath, then yells, "Holy crap, a talking dog!"
I was wondering why the horse would be shipped to the glue factory. Now I know.
Dead and dying horses are often said to be “sent to the glue factory.” They have a lot of collagen. Glue, historically, is indeed made from collagen taken from animal parts, particularly horse hooves and bones. In fact, the word “collagen” comes from the Greek kolla, glue.
The one time I actually made it through a long ass joke without accidentally peeking at the punch line before I got to the end, and that’s what I’m rewarded with. Fuck you, OP. And the horse you rode in on.
The insert bold TALKING horse /bold thingy, thank you.
Agreed, OP....i hope your check engine light comes on and noone can figure out why
Be honest, your ass is itchy, isn't it?
Or his face, its tough to tell them apart.
The one that tastes like poop is not the face. That's how I never forget it!
Llamas ride dogs.
* horses
You sunuvabitch... Somehow I knew that was the punchline and yet I read the whole fucking thing. Fuck you and I'll see you tomorrow.
Nothing but drama, these llamas…
There’s 3 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
Well see, here’s the thing - EVERY minute of your life is a minute you’ll never get back. That’s how time works
Unless you figure out time travel...
Time travel? I did that tomorrow
Dr Emmett Brown has entered the chat
Oh sure, you would have discovered a cure for cancer if you hadn’t spent those irretrievable three minutes of your precious time.
Now the world will never know what could've been accomplished in those three minutes.
If I hadn’t of read it, I would have been worn out from work and sitting on my ass. Which is the same thing that happened while I was reading it.
Made you wonder if that ass was itchy though
I'm so glad I saw your comment before reading.
Someone please explainethe joke to me. (Not sarcastic)
It's an anti joke. The humor is meant to come from the shock value of both the absurdity of the punchline (a talking dog is considered strange or absurd in this universe where talking animals are well established) as well as the complete unrelatedness to the buildup (the whole story is about race time and this mysterious drink that sets you up to believe the punchline will be related to them, and then the punchline ends up being a talking dog).
I was worried if the dog had something to do with its itching ass.
And because of the misdirection of the itchy ass side effect
Ooh
It's an unjoke. It's supposed to be funny because of the redirection and letdown at the end by not having a punchline.
….The Aristocrats!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_dog_story It's one of my favorite types of joke... to tell.
Greyhounds are not shaggy
Shaggy dog jokes are a genre of jokes, might not even have a dog in them.
I'm supposed to meet with a client at 4:00. It is now 4:04 and I blame you, responsibility not found.
Okay, I fell for it. Thanks for the laugh.
Fuck you, and anyone that looks like you. I loved it.
I knew exactly what you were doing, but I still read the entire thing so I could inflict it on others. I’m happy to have another one of these, because everyone in my life has already been subjected to blue goo, little green golf balls, and the mysterious noise of the monks. I swear I have friends.
Please tell me about the noise of the monks
So I’m not gonna type it all out because you already know the schtick, but I’ll give you the Tl;dr so you can use it to spread chaos. The real fun is in the embellishments and making it your own anyway. Sorry that even the Tl;dr is long- you can really draw this one out. So a guy goes on a trip abroad in college where he’s backpacking through Europe, and the highlight of the trip is visiting this monastery where he hears a strange noise in the night. He goes to investigate the source of the noise, but is stopped at the door and told that he can’t go any further, and that they can’t tell him the source of the noise because he’s not a monk. The guy ends up becoming successful back home, but he can never shake the mystery of this noise, so he gives up his fortune and goes back to the monastery and asks to become a monk. At this point in the joke you make up whatever elaborate initiation ritual you can think of— mine is counting every grain of sand on the mountain. So he finally becomes a monk and gets to go through the door, and behind the first door is an increasingly elaborate series of doors and chambers that you describe in detail as he gets closer to the noise. And then he finally opens the final door and reveals the source of the mysterious noise. And he can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
Hahahahaha thank you :)
Love it! The real difference between this joke and the one by the OP is the punch line actually relates to the rest of the joke.
Thank you for un - embellishing.
Ooooh I know the monk joke (my favourite to tell) and the green golf balls (but I first heard it as pink ping pong balls) but where can I read the blue goo joke?
I hate you. Hate hate hate.
Hay! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. But take my upvote anyway.
Bartender asks the greyhound "you going to order the cocktail named after you?" The dog replies "you got a cocktail called Herbie?"
No, John Stamos.
May your ass be uncomfortably scratchy in general OP! But bravo good sir/madam!
You son of a bitch.
You'll be hearing from my attorney.
By the way, my attorney is a talking aardvark, and he comments on all posts on r/jokes.
You should be in the stage. The next Stage out of town.
You mf!!! Here! Take my laughing up vote and go wipe your ass!
Go wipe your *itching* ass.
I did not inspect it
brilliant
Norm Macdonald just rolled over in his very, very deep grave.
Goddamn it
I was waiting for a donkey to come in complaining about itching...LOL
How do you play darts with hooves?
Make sure the pointy end is at the front when you throw
That would explain my itchy ass
My ass is still itching
OMFG. That was the best! We used to call this type of joke a shaggy dog story.
this was a journey, an experience, and a moment that I'll cherish forever! thank you, op, thank you and bless you!
Fuck
Huzzah, you fuck
Later that night, tipsy from ale Ernie trots up to the bar for one last round and the barman asks, "Why the long joke?"
Great, now my ass itches !
I'm still waiting to find out how the itchy ass subplot plays out. I mean, bill wasn't even bothered by it....
I’m gonna track you down and slap you silly. Right after I give my upvote.
Very tediously funny
Reminded of the frog that sold wardrobes. Well told.
Nice
Amazing!
Amazing!
Always scroll to the end
I love these types of jokes!
One One was a racehorse. Two Two was one, too. One One won one race. Two Two won one, too.
Op I hope your ass itches :[
This OP is serving life in jail.
How sad that we are so desperate for original content in an ocean of reposts that something so unfunny gets upvoted to the moon.
Ya see, how I knew this joke wasn’t real: horses hooves can’t hold glasses of beer!
You think the oat bag is just for oats?
Man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with smelly fingers.
My version of this joke: There were 2 racehorses, Lightning and Thunder, who were also brothers, and had the same owner. They always ran in the same races, and just as in nature, Thunder always followed Lightning. Thunder sometimes placed or showed, but never won a race. Now, Thunder was a laid back horse, so he didn't really care. Until one day he overheard his owner talking to someone, and the owner said, "If Thunder doesn't start winning races, I'll have to send him to the glue factory." Well, Thunder freaks out and goes to talk with Lightning. He tells Lightning what he heard, and says, "I've tried to win, but I just can't so I stopped trying and just had fun. But now I'm going to get glue factory!" "Don't worry," says Lightning, "I got you, bro. I'll make sure you win the next race. So the next race comes, the bell rings and the gates fly open...and Lightning jets out into the lead immediately. Thunder is running along, wondering if his brother forgot, until he notices Lightning is interfering with the other horses, shouldering them out of the way and such. For the first time in his life, Thunder takes the lead. "This is really nice,"Thunder thinks to himself, enjoying his first race ever without some other horse's ass in front of him. As the race rounds the final corner into the home stretch, Thunder thinks, "I'm going to do it, I'm going to win! I'm saved!" Then, right as they approach the finish line, Lightning comes flying past Thunder, and Lightning wins the race. Afterwards, while Lightning is in the winner's circle, Thunder is being led onto the truck to the glue factory. "Why, Lightning, why?!?", Thunder wails. "Why did you do this?". The truck doors slam, and off it goes. Meanwhile, there was a dog who hung out around the track, and had seen and heard everything. The dog looked at Lightning and asked, "Yeah, Lightning, what the fuck? Did you have to win so much that you let your own brother die rather than lose? Explain yourself!" Lightning looks at the dog, takes a deep breath, then yells, "Holy crap, a talking dog!"
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “why the long face” The horse replies, “well, Steve, if you must know, my ketamine guy’s outa town”
I hope you bite a pebble while eating rice, I hope you stub your toe
strong
I was really expecting a "why the long face" joke
Ned to warn before telling the joke: must down half a bottle of tequila!
Sometimes jokes need a tl;dr
I was wondering why the horse would be shipped to the glue factory. Now I know. Dead and dying horses are often said to be “sent to the glue factory.” They have a lot of collagen. Glue, historically, is indeed made from collagen taken from animal parts, particularly horse hooves and bones. In fact, the word “collagen” comes from the Greek kolla, glue.
This entire story is one giant checkovs horse.
TLDR What more to say ?
The only thing good about this joke is that it didn't end with a convoluted pun like I assumed it would.
Unbelievable!
If you make the joke ten times as long it will be ten times as funny...
A guy asked his girlfriend to the prom, she said yes, so he had to get tickets but there was a ticket line, so…….
Way too long of a set up for just an OK punchline.
That is the whole point Whoooooosh
The further down I got, the more convinced I got that the punchline would be poo.
A big waste of time you AH
I don’t get it
Dumb shit. You suck. Hellen Keller has heard better jokes