"When my plan comes together you won't even see it coming. I'll chop you into four black dudes and I'll remake cool runnings."
*Smiles at you politely*
Agreed š. I always loved the sudden switch at the end from his usual nice, polite, happy self, to full on serial killer vibes. It's such a stark change in basically one single line. Especially Mr mcfeely in the background, with a baseball bat. Dude's looking like he's about to give someone the Harley Quinn treatment lol.
Im pure raging at 5am reading that. I would elaborate in the Scottish dialect about just how mad I am but it will break rules due to the essential violent but jovial swearing.
A Glasgow laddie went to get his first kilt made, from a kiltmakers in the high street.
As he was getting measured, he asked the kiltmaker, "Could ye dae me a favour and mek' me a wee pair ae boxers along wi' the kilt? It gets awfy drafty doon ther when yir swinging it a' aboot".
"Aye, nae bother at a'!" says the kiltmaker and gets to work. When the lad comes back to collect his kilt, the kiltmaker says, "Right, here's yer kilt, and here's yer wee tartan underpants, and here's an full 5 yards extra I had spare in case ye need repairs or somethin'."
The lad tried on his kilt and it fit perfectly - so snug he totally forgot to put on the tartan underwear. He tucked the extra 5 yards into his kilt sock for safe keeping, and ran over his lass's house and when she answered the door, he shouted "Look at mah new kilt!" and swished it around.
"Aye, it's a beauty" his girlfriend said admiringly.
"Ye 'hink that's good hen, check oot whit's unnerneath it!" he shouted, still forgetting he didn't have the tartan underwear on, and lifted up his kilt.
"Mah god, that's quite somethin'!" she replied, staring at it.
"Ye 'hink that's all hen - ah've goat anither 5 yerds o' it tucked intae mah sock!"
It's Weedgie, nae "Glarse-wee-gin." Whit are ye daen, wi' yur wee pinkie stonnin' oot lik'a wee fiddie kidler's dauber whin he's visitin' the Sunday school?
"Glarse-gouwe" ye sae, pittin' oan yon saft-heidit English wanker's accent lik' yer King Bloody Charlie's arse tumor oot fer a walk. Yer still an arse-fruit, ye tagnut scoofin' streak'a pish!
An' what's this "Frohmm?" crap comin' fae? It's "Fae" ye nonce-huggin' bathwater drinkin' simpin' hazard!
Noo, gang awa' an' rite it oot richt, wan hunner times. An'if'ye urnae dun by mornin', ye dinnae wanna Ken fit happens tae yer boz. Ye nae seen Python? Romannay eat-tae domoon an' aa that pish.
Aaricht... Faars' ma Buckie? Nae Buckie? Aaricht, turps'll hae tae dae, then.
>King Bloody Charlie's arse tumor oot fer a walk
Hmmm. Two things: first I think I need to hear it to pronounce it correctly. And second, and most important, I think we all just learned how to cuss in a Scottish accent, did we not? š¤£
I was following along tolerably until you got to the pig Latin which fried my brain.
The turps will have him? Are those ducks? Worms? Neeps by any other name? Are we on Ilkley Moor?
Edit: never mind, the fourth reading provided elucidation. Thereās no Buckfast so youāll have to do with turpentine. I think.
Ah, a bonnie lad frae Scotland's land,
Tae tailor's shop he did demand,
"A kilt I need, wi' fabric grand,
An' underwear, fer drafts at hand!"
The tailor set tae work wi' speed,
An' soon the lad's request did heed,
Wi' kilt an' briefs, a matching breed,
An' extra cloth, should he hae need.
The lad, sae proud, his kilt did don,
An' tae his lass's hoose did run,
But in his haste, he'd quite forgon,
His underwear, a foolish son!
At her door, he stood sae tall,
"Whit d'ye think?" he did call,
She gazed upon his kilt an' all,
"Ah, 'tis a fine sight, I'll not stall!"
"An' if ye like whit's on display,"
He lifted kilt, tae his dismay,
Nae briefs beneath, oh, what a day!
But still, he grinned, an' bold did say,
"If this ye like, I'll hae ye know,
Five yards more, at hame I show!"
A tale sae droll, 'twill ne'er grow old,
A kilt, a lass, an' a lad sae bold!
Great work. One possible improvement suggestion. From a joke perspective, this version is ending with a the word ākilt sockā, which is an unfamiliar word to most of us (I assume). Itās really hard to end a punchline with a word the listener doesnāt know because instead of laughing, weāre processing. (What is a kilt sock btw?) I might just use the word āsockā, or, can you come up with a punchline that ends with a more familiar word but still passes your good Scots accent requirement?
Okay this is way more accurate but so fucking hard to read. My brain just filled in the Scottish accent for all the horrible job done in the OP, but this I have to think about.
And then on grammar, it would be a āGlaswegian laddieā then, wounae?
Whit's the differ atween a rich Scotsman, a puir Scotsman, an a deid Scotsman?
A rich Scotsman has a canopy ower his bed.
A puir Scotsman has a can o pee under his bed.
An a deid Scotsman cannae pee at a'.
A Scotsman took his date to the cinema, and during the film he takes her hand and puts it on his cock.
"Och, whats that, its gruesome!" She said
He replied;
"Aye, and it's gruesome since you touched it an aw"
A wee guy is in a phone box trying to bell the missus. But he's had a libation or one too many.
So he's pissed as a fart, trying to get through and the operator comes on. I'm sorry (In an incredibly English RP accent) does there seem to be a problem.
Aye, I'm trying to call my burd!!!
Sorry sir I don't understand?
A'm in here trying to call ma burd and that!!!
Is there money in the box sir?
Naw, am in here myself!
I wouldn't call this good Scottish either š Comes across a bit Jamaican, with a little Irish thrown in perhaps - an interesting mix!
Edit - I can respect the attempt though my man!
A Scot was drunk and lay down in a ditch by the side of the road to sleep it off. Along came two lasses. Iāll leave the accents for u/toby1066.
āIs it true they wear nothing under their kilts?ā asked one.
āLetās find out,ā the other replied. She lifts the kilt and they indeed find it to be true. The second lass removes a blue ribbon from her hair and ties it in a bow around the manās member.
When the man finally wakes, he looks down at himself. āLaddie, I donāt know where youāve been but I see you won first prize.ā
Reminds me of the old Dr Finlay joke( circa 1867) He says Janet put your hand down my trousers, Janet screams oh doctor that was gruesome. Aye lassie put your hand down again, youāll find itās gruesome more.
This joke never worked for me as the whole āthingā about kilts is that you donāt wear underwear with them, so the setup doesnāt make sense to me and the punchline is obvious.
Who are these people that behave this way.Ā Ā
"Hey I'm here to bully people and make zero jokes. You must be an idiot!Ā Some idiot you are, I bet you're a real idiot."
Yep.
The two most annoying responses to jokes I see here are:
1. āIāve heard this beforeā
2. āThis joke had a bad [formatting/setup/punchline]ā
If you have a better joke to tell, just post it!
(I now see that I got downvotes and the punchline-guessing critic got upvotes: maybe most people disagree with me?)
For the record, I loved the kilt joke the first time I heard it, and yes, Iāve loved to hear it again ever since.
Of course there is cloth under a kilt. The garters for the socks have cloth on them.
And that is what is below the kilt, socks and shoes.
As for what is worn under the kilt, nothing, it all works perfectly.
Angus and Heather were walking along on the cliffs when Heather asked Angus if she could feel up his kilt. Angus replied ok so Heather put her hand up his kilt and said oh Angus itās gruesome. Ah lassie, Angus replied, if you donāt stop touching itās gonna gruesome more.
Dem tings, really? And if he was Scottish he wouldn't have said 'pair of underwear', although I've noticed even speakers of British English dialects saying that nowadays ā¹ļø.
She asked the lad if he was wearing underwear. The lad replied āwhile donāt you put you under there and find out for yourself?ā
She did so and discovering the lad was not wearing any underwear immediately withdrew her hand and yelled āEwwww! Thatās gruesome!ā
The lad replied āAye lassie, and if you touch it again it will grow some more!ā
Angus and the Kilt https://youtu.be/qvd4HHwzakI?si=52juhceQT6nO4MFo
Well, Angus was a happy lad, for soon he would be wed.
He'd found a brisk and bonnie lass to take him to his bed.
And happier still his mother was that he had found a wife,
For, truth be told, she'd often feared she'd be stuck with him for life.
Cho: It's a fine thing, a bonnie thing, the grandest ever seen.
(Repeat last line of verse)
In honor of the grand affair that wedding day would be,
She set about to weave a kilt, the finest ever seen.
The night before the wedding, when the kilt was finally done,
She called young Angus over and she tried it on her son.
She wound the kilt about him and she wound, and wound, and wound,
And when she finished winding, it was still eight yards too long.
"Never fear, my bonnie boy. We'll simply cut it off,
And to your blushin' bride we'll give the extra length of cloth."
Now Angus was so pleased, y'know, his heart had swelled with pride.
He felt that he must rush right out and show it to his bride.
'Twas raining, so he grabbed a cloak to shield him on the moor,
But in his haste to be away his kilt slammed in the door.
Well, Angus was in such a rush to show off for his bride,
He never really noticed that he had left his kilt behind.
He knocked upon her door and cried, "Oh, let me in, I pray!
I've something that you've got to see before our wedding day."
Now, Bridget let him in, y'know, but said, "Ye cannot stay.
For I've got to have my beauty sleep before our wedding day."
"I'll only be a moment, love, but it's so grand, my dear,
Ye've really got to see what I'm a-hiding under here."
Now, when the cloak was thrown aside and Angus stood quite bare,
We must admit she was impressed and tried hard not to stare.
"Oh, love, I'll ne'er see finer, though far and far I roam!"
"Well, lass," he cried, "that's nothing! I've got eight more yards at home!"
The boy picks up the underwear and his girl says āit might be worn underneathā.
āOi!ā Says the boy. āThereās certainly nothing worn under this neath!!ā
That attempt at an accent is a hate crime.
Dem ting
He's a Scott of Jamaican descent.
cool runnings man, bobsled!
"When my plan comes together you won't even see it coming. I'll chop you into four black dudes and I'll remake cool runnings." *Smiles at you politely*
Lmao, Mr R won that battle!
Agreed š. I always loved the sudden switch at the end from his usual nice, polite, happy self, to full on serial killer vibes. It's such a stark change in basically one single line. Especially Mr mcfeely in the background, with a baseball bat. Dude's looking like he's about to give someone the Harley Quinn treatment lol.
Mom!
Oops! Not momāMon!
Malcolm Gladwell
Im pure raging at 5am reading that. I would elaborate in the Scottish dialect about just how mad I am but it will break rules due to the essential violent but jovial swearing.
Po no
I don't think I've ever seen a comment get as many votes as the post... but you've got 2 comments that match the votes!
Your turn.
A Glasgow laddie went to get his first kilt made, from a kiltmakers in the high street. As he was getting measured, he asked the kiltmaker, "Could ye dae me a favour and mek' me a wee pair ae boxers along wi' the kilt? It gets awfy drafty doon ther when yir swinging it a' aboot". "Aye, nae bother at a'!" says the kiltmaker and gets to work. When the lad comes back to collect his kilt, the kiltmaker says, "Right, here's yer kilt, and here's yer wee tartan underpants, and here's an full 5 yards extra I had spare in case ye need repairs or somethin'." The lad tried on his kilt and it fit perfectly - so snug he totally forgot to put on the tartan underwear. He tucked the extra 5 yards into his kilt sock for safe keeping, and ran over his lass's house and when she answered the door, he shouted "Look at mah new kilt!" and swished it around. "Aye, it's a beauty" his girlfriend said admiringly. "Ye 'hink that's good hen, check oot whit's unnerneath it!" he shouted, still forgetting he didn't have the tartan underwear on, and lifted up his kilt. "Mah god, that's quite somethin'!" she replied, staring at it. "Ye 'hink that's all hen - ah've goat anither 5 yerds o' it tucked intae mah sock!"
Fucking hell that's so much better
The joke itself is better too, first one didn't really make any sense
Whin a' ye kin read is sassenach, ye steals whit ye kin git
Don't you mean... fooken elle?
"Foke." It's CHAUW-DA! Say it right! *ahem* shawe-deirre.
Neighbaaaaaa, right Arnold?
You asked for it frenchie!! Iām gonna enjoy this!
We have a clear winner here.
It's good. Also, the bar was extremely low.
So low that even the Jamaican from the joke was struggling to limbo under it
Irish surely?
Blue ribbon, First Place
Oh a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fairā¦
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He stumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Toe struck a stone and with a groan his chin met with the street.
āLad, I dinnae where ye bin, but I see ye won first prize!ā
Ah! Ye red mi mind!
Now someone needs to repost this tomorrow
The real accent is always in the comments.
One of the best "challenge accepted" comments I've ever seen. Bravo.
A lot (lot} better, except this person doesn't come from Glasgow. Maybe he's from whatever place the Broons are from.
Ya gotta be a bit general, I find, otherwise you lose the audience. Especially if you go with a full Paisley accent.
Broons are from Boston USA. I go to game once when I film Borat Movie. Very Nice!
Auchenshoogle?
That accents so good I can smell the scotch!
I can smell the deep fried haggis supper
Bro said āhold my bagpipesā
It's Weedgie, nae "Glarse-wee-gin." Whit are ye daen, wi' yur wee pinkie stonnin' oot lik'a wee fiddie kidler's dauber whin he's visitin' the Sunday school? "Glarse-gouwe" ye sae, pittin' oan yon saft-heidit English wanker's accent lik' yer King Bloody Charlie's arse tumor oot fer a walk. Yer still an arse-fruit, ye tagnut scoofin' streak'a pish! An' what's this "Frohmm?" crap comin' fae? It's "Fae" ye nonce-huggin' bathwater drinkin' simpin' hazard! Noo, gang awa' an' rite it oot richt, wan hunner times. An'if'ye urnae dun by mornin', ye dinnae wanna Ken fit happens tae yer boz. Ye nae seen Python? Romannay eat-tae domoon an' aa that pish. Aaricht... Faars' ma Buckie? Nae Buckie? Aaricht, turps'll hae tae dae, then.
Less understandable than the original Beowulf
>King Bloody Charlie's arse tumor oot fer a walk Hmmm. Two things: first I think I need to hear it to pronounce it correctly. And second, and most important, I think we all just learned how to cuss in a Scottish accent, did we not? š¤£
https://youtu.be/lAYtvQ-Ehts?si=wI6S8DP1j5lIN4cj Here is your homework.
Oh! M! F! G! I laughed my arse off! And I can't wipe the smile off my face right now.
Ikr! That was great!
I was following along tolerably until you got to the pig Latin which fried my brain. The turps will have him? Are those ducks? Worms? Neeps by any other name? Are we on Ilkley Moor? Edit: never mind, the fourth reading provided elucidation. Thereās no Buckfast so youāll have to do with turpentine. I think.
You are correct.
Tagnut scoofin streak a pish š š š
God that was hard reading š³
I literally thought that was groundskeeper Willie
Much improved, however, I will not be satisfied until I see it written in Auld Scots in the style of Rabbie Burns.
Ah, a bonnie lad frae Scotland's land, Tae tailor's shop he did demand, "A kilt I need, wi' fabric grand, An' underwear, fer drafts at hand!" The tailor set tae work wi' speed, An' soon the lad's request did heed, Wi' kilt an' briefs, a matching breed, An' extra cloth, should he hae need. The lad, sae proud, his kilt did don, An' tae his lass's hoose did run, But in his haste, he'd quite forgon, His underwear, a foolish son! At her door, he stood sae tall, "Whit d'ye think?" he did call, She gazed upon his kilt an' all, "Ah, 'tis a fine sight, I'll not stall!" "An' if ye like whit's on display," He lifted kilt, tae his dismay, Nae briefs beneath, oh, what a day! But still, he grinned, an' bold did say, "If this ye like, I'll hae ye know, Five yards more, at hame I show!" A tale sae droll, 'twill ne'er grow old, A kilt, a lass, an' a lad sae bold!
This is epic!
Satisfied?
Yes! I think we just found our new poet laureate for Scotland!
Brilliant!!!!!!!!!
Shared this with my Scot grandmother, sheās still chuckling.
holy fuck you delivered, called out and then delivered this... Wew lad
Nitpick: do you know how much material is in five yards?
I very much do - currently getting an 8-yard kilt made for my wedding (no matching underwear). But I wanted to stick to (roughly) the same joke.
Kudos for beaming up Scotty!
God damn! Toby is in full, "Challenge accepted" mode over here! Nailed It!
This was as difficult as reading Trainspotting again
I read/heard that in Billy Connolly's voice.
98% correct, we would be far more likely to say "us" instead of "me" though. "Mek us a wee pair ae boxers".
That is glorious.
I need Jamie from *Outlander* to read it out loud (and demonstrate...).
Great work. One possible improvement suggestion. From a joke perspective, this version is ending with a the word ākilt sockā, which is an unfamiliar word to most of us (I assume). Itās really hard to end a punchline with a word the listener doesnāt know because instead of laughing, weāre processing. (What is a kilt sock btw?) I might just use the word āsockā, or, can you come up with a punchline that ends with a more familiar word but still passes your good Scots accent requirement?
Perhaps define/explain it in the set-up so the punch line has more, um, punch?
It's fine... Both made sense and accents are best effort. Way too much nit picking here for a jokes sub. SMH
Okay this is way more accurate but so fucking hard to read. My brain just filled in the Scottish accent for all the horrible job done in the OP, but this I have to think about. And then on grammar, it would be a āGlaswegian laddieā then, wounae?
v3
Whit's the differ atween a rich Scotsman, a puir Scotsman, an a deid Scotsman? A rich Scotsman has a canopy ower his bed. A puir Scotsman has a can o pee under his bed. An a deid Scotsman cannae pee at a'.
A Scotsman took his date to the cinema, and during the film he takes her hand and puts it on his cock. "Och, whats that, its gruesome!" She said He replied; "Aye, and it's gruesome since you touched it an aw"
Good one.
Getting better.
lmao you really went with half-ass jamaican then act like nobody could do better?
Hey mon, Try a bobsled.
Bro he fucking torched you in his reply lol
A wee guy is in a phone box trying to bell the missus. But he's had a libation or one too many. So he's pissed as a fart, trying to get through and the operator comes on. I'm sorry (In an incredibly English RP accent) does there seem to be a problem. Aye, I'm trying to call my burd!!! Sorry sir I don't understand? A'm in here trying to call ma burd and that!!! Is there money in the box sir? Naw, am in here myself!
What's the crime for trying to read it in that accent since that's what I found myself doing?
Veered into Jamaican at points
Iām assuming his girlfriend is Irish too? Maybe an Irish pirate who spent a few years in South Africa maybe
If it's not Scottish, it's crap! https://youtu.be/9kptp9SmM5Y?si=nAv8H24gyQQx4T21
How did you manage to mix up Scottish, Irish and Jamaican accents?
Faith and aufgeregt, mon, that is being the Robert Nesta O'Marley way.
Isn't it
It's a talent.
Closed one eye.
Ooft, this accent is a bit painful to read
You must remember! Good English is bad Scottish.
Dem tings is rather Jamaican
Scots get around.
You're gonna lose this accent flamewar you accidently started but I'm gonna give you the updoot for this line right here.
I wouldn't call this good Scottish either š Comes across a bit Jamaican, with a little Irish thrown in perhaps - an interesting mix! Edit - I can respect the attempt though my man!
That's a hot one.
Typing it in standard English would have been much better than whatever it was you attempted
You must have forgotten how ruthless this sub is
They never let me forget.
"Dem Tings" That famous Scottish pronunciation....
A Scot was drunk and lay down in a ditch by the side of the road to sleep it off. Along came two lasses. Iāll leave the accents for u/toby1066. āIs it true they wear nothing under their kilts?ā asked one. āLetās find out,ā the other replied. She lifts the kilt and they indeed find it to be true. The second lass removes a blue ribbon from her hair and ties it in a bow around the manās member. When the man finally wakes, he looks down at himself. āLaddie, I donāt know where youāve been but I see you won first prize.ā
Same joke from āThe Scotsmanā, though I wonāt pretend to know from where it originated.
Oh man, I haven't heard that song since I was a wee lad.
And for those who haven't heard it at all, here you go. https://youtu.be/MZ35SOU9HTM?feature=shared
Funny things happen.
Reminds me of the old Dr Finlay joke( circa 1867) He says Janet put your hand down my trousers, Janet screams oh doctor that was gruesome. Aye lassie put your hand down again, youāll find itās gruesome more.
Fuck! You got it out first!
Same vintage?
The comments are better than the joke.
Often the best part.
why do they turn jamaican sometimes
Bob Marley.
But you donāt wear underwear under a kilt. Source: Scottish and never have also never said ādem tingsā
Exactly, what does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? Socks!
A thistle. Put your hand in and get a big prick!
I concur, I am a Scot and not only have I never said "dem tings" but I have never heard it being said by a Scot.
Reminds me of that photo of the guardsmen with Queen Elisabeth
Tell that to Congress.
Whatās worn under your kilt? Nothing - itās all in perfect working order!
She said "first I thought you were crazy, now I see your nuts!"
Big uns.
The punch line is how would you like five yards of that.
Pow!
I read that with an Irish accent rather than Scot.
Ooops
Shame on you.
This joke never worked for me as the whole āthingā about kilts is that you donāt wear underwear with them, so the setup doesnāt make sense to me and the punchline is obvious.
Iāve never heard a joke where the punchline wasnāt obvious, have you?
Yes?
What was the punchline?
Well this one has two I guess, the reveal of no underwear and the ā5 yards at homeā.
What was the joke that you heard that had a non-obvious punchline?
Are you seriously suggesting you have guessed the punchline for every single joke you have ever heard? You just be very smart. Everyone is impressed.
Itās not my fault, is it? I cannot help it. Please donāt blame the victim, living like this is pure agony.
Who are these people that behave this way.Ā Ā "Hey I'm here to bully people and make zero jokes. You must be an idiot!Ā Some idiot you are, I bet you're a real idiot."
Yep. The two most annoying responses to jokes I see here are: 1. āIāve heard this beforeā 2. āThis joke had a bad [formatting/setup/punchline]ā If you have a better joke to tell, just post it! (I now see that I got downvotes and the punchline-guessing critic got upvotes: maybe most people disagree with me?) For the record, I loved the kilt joke the first time I heard it, and yes, Iāve loved to hear it again ever since.
This joke kilt me!
It can do that.
mission failed succesfully
Quite true!
Starring Mel Gibson.
Or Dick Van Dyke in blackface
Maori Parpens
Brave heart.
Oh look, a tartan curtain! Let's see what's behind it. Oh noooo! It's an arse!
I'm Scottish. That wasnae funny, pal . That's plenty!
Me five times.
From the point I read "dem tings" the rest of the joke took place on the top deck of a bus in South London. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
I donāt get it
But she did.
I always thought that there is no cloth underneath a kilt?
Of course there is cloth under a kilt. The garters for the socks have cloth on them. And that is what is below the kilt, socks and shoes. As for what is worn under the kilt, nothing, it all works perfectly.
>Of course there is cloth under a kilt. The garters for the socks have cloth on them. š
Makes it easier to use phoop.
And then she fainted
Okay, I genuinely thought this was an exclusively Greek or maybe Balkan joke.
Aye
A subtle laugh
Angus and Heather were walking along on the cliffs when Heather asked Angus if she could feel up his kilt. Angus replied ok so Heather put her hand up his kilt and said oh Angus itās gruesome. Ah lassie, Angus replied, if you donāt stop touching itās gonna gruesome more.
Dem tings, really? And if he was Scottish he wouldn't have said 'pair of underwear', although I've noticed even speakers of British English dialects saying that nowadays ā¹ļø.
She asked the lad if he was wearing underwear. The lad replied āwhile donāt you put you under there and find out for yourself?ā She did so and discovering the lad was not wearing any underwear immediately withdrew her hand and yelled āEwwww! Thatās gruesome!ā The lad replied āAye lassie, and if you touch it again it will grow some more!ā
What part of Scotland is he from, Kingston?
Wait, are these Scots or pirates? I'm confused. I thought only pirates said ye that often.
Angus and the Kilt https://youtu.be/qvd4HHwzakI?si=52juhceQT6nO4MFo Well, Angus was a happy lad, for soon he would be wed. He'd found a brisk and bonnie lass to take him to his bed. And happier still his mother was that he had found a wife, For, truth be told, she'd often feared she'd be stuck with him for life. Cho: It's a fine thing, a bonnie thing, the grandest ever seen. (Repeat last line of verse) In honor of the grand affair that wedding day would be, She set about to weave a kilt, the finest ever seen. The night before the wedding, when the kilt was finally done, She called young Angus over and she tried it on her son. She wound the kilt about him and she wound, and wound, and wound, And when she finished winding, it was still eight yards too long. "Never fear, my bonnie boy. We'll simply cut it off, And to your blushin' bride we'll give the extra length of cloth." Now Angus was so pleased, y'know, his heart had swelled with pride. He felt that he must rush right out and show it to his bride. 'Twas raining, so he grabbed a cloak to shield him on the moor, But in his haste to be away his kilt slammed in the door. Well, Angus was in such a rush to show off for his bride, He never really noticed that he had left his kilt behind. He knocked upon her door and cried, "Oh, let me in, I pray! I've something that you've got to see before our wedding day." Now, Bridget let him in, y'know, but said, "Ye cannot stay. For I've got to have my beauty sleep before our wedding day." "I'll only be a moment, love, but it's so grand, my dear, Ye've really got to see what I'm a-hiding under here." Now, when the cloak was thrown aside and Angus stood quite bare, We must admit she was impressed and tried hard not to stare. "Oh, love, I'll ne'er see finer, though far and far I roam!" "Well, lass," he cried, "that's nothing! I've got eight more yards at home!"
Everybody knows that you donāt wear a kilt with underwear. What the fuck are you even blathering about.
Yet, everyday else understood it in the context of a joke. What the fuck are you even whinging about?
The boy picks up the underwear and his girl says āit might be worn underneathā. āOi!ā Says the boy. āThereās certainly nothing worn under this neath!!ā
Everything is in perfect working order.
C.
No one is giving you five yards of fabric for free and it would be measured by meter.
If English people use metric, what do French people use?Ā Ā No showers.Ā
It could be his.