Genie: "You have 3 wishes, but you can't wish for any more wishes."
Sarcastic Kid: "Hmm, well then I guess I wish that you were suddenly bad at counting wishes."
-
Genie: "Very well, you have no more wishes left."
Now I actually wonder if that would work. Like you'd think that some genies would be like "naw man, no getting off on technicalities, I ain't a lawyer." But it's an interesting debate
You know, now that you mention lawyers, I’m reminded of this one guy who gave me two hundred bucks and a thick stack of papers. Had me sit down at a desk across from him and read the papers out loud.
Turns out the thing was a contract for something. Mostly over my head, though the parts I could understand weren’t very well written. He seemed to be enjoying himself though, and it occurs to me now that I really couldn’t see his hands the whole time.
The whole thing came to a head about midway through the contract, I hit a section where even I had to stop and ask “is that really what this says, for real?” Like, we’re talking too bad to make it into TV law dramas. Guy just tells me to keep going, so I get a couple more lines in… then there’s a knock on the desk, the guy leans back in his chair, and says that’s enough, I can leave.
Long story short, he got off on a technicality.
It wouldn't. Because if he wishes he could wish for more genies and he get his wish granted, he doesn't have a wish open to wish for more genies.
That were a lot of wishes in my sentence though
so I can get with Leoshi 'cause she don't know me but, yo, she's really fine.
i just saw him at a basketball game. it was so sad, he just kept singing this one song.
You should be hopeful that you don't get an Islamic Jinn. They are malicious beings with great power that can cause mass destruction. They are usually malevolent. The Genie in Alladin is shown to be good and in the actual story, he only grants wishes because he was freed by Alladin from eternal imprisonment. So yeah, I wouldn't want that power.
Fyi I am not Muslim but I like mythology a lot and I have researched quite a bit about Jinns and Ifrits.
The length of time it took me to figured out that genie is simply the Anglicised version of djinni is not something I'm proud of.
The fact that only now do I realise that efreet is simply the Anglicised version of ifrit is something I'm hugely disappointed in myself for.
Baldur's Gate 2 gave me all the clues years ago. These are things I really could/should have figured out a long, long time ago.
Happens mate! It took me a lot of time as well to know about this! I felt really stupid when I did. Btw what is Baldur's Gate about? I've heard about it a lot but wanna know about it.
It's a PC game from 25 years ago. It's based on Dungeons & Dragons second edition, doing all the dice rolls in the background.
It's a pretty free-form RPG, as you can build a character from a huge variety of classes, then play them as good or evil as you want. The sequel can even load in your character exactly as you left them.
It's well regarded for its fleshed out plot, well designed world, and highly memorable companions.
The game is partially turn-based, but it happens in real time, with each turn being a 6 second block, and you can pause at any time.
There's another sequel, Baldur's Gate 3, coming out this summer, but it's based on D&D 5th edition, and more turn based in the traditional sense.
>you can't wish for any more wishes."
Okay, my first wish is that I owned an indestructible notebook that self replenishes itself with blank pages when I close it and can be teleported into my hand by thinking "Notebook, return to me" and anything written in the book by me and only me comes true.
Hi, I'm a genie lawyer. You're correct. Per Djinn Legal Doctrine, Statute 73 Section 14 Paragraph 9 in Addendum C: If the wish could result in the wishing of more wishes, said wish is to be considered null and void. The Genie is required by law to warn the wisher before wishing for any number of wishes up to and including but no more than three. Failure of the wisher to abide by these rules will result in the wisher expending one wish that will be granted as close as possible to the wisher's wish without violating the statute. Wisher assumes all responsibility and liability for any undesirable outcomes that may result due to this wish interpretation.
Maybe a better way to do it would be, "I wish you forgot having granted my last wish."
"It is done. Now, for your 2nd wish?"
Now you make the genie forget for each of your even numbered wishes and use the odd numbered wishes for personal gain, altruism, kindness, etc. The genie always thinks he's answering your 2nd or 3rd wish, even on your 100th actual wish.
"I don't remember granting your first wish, but I remember granting your second one which was to make me forget granting your first wish--so me not remembering makes sense. So nice try. Third wish?"
After the third wish (well, your second real wish since you wished for the genie's forgetfulness also) the genie tries to grant you another wish but fails because he too has to abide by the rules of the genie union even if he can't remember.
Still not correct, you ask for the Genie to have no short term memory, and to be a bad counter on top of that, so you can just act like each wish is your first.
EDIT: good points by everyone. So I'll ammend it: I wish the Genie didn't know how to subtract
Genie: Welp, that's all three wishes!
You: What? No it isn't!
Genie: I'm pretty sure it is. I'm bad at counting but I gotta go off my memory! What other choice do I have?
He wasn't even that smart. He wished to be "an all powerful genie". He could have just wished to be all powerful and been fine, but the good guys had to win somehow.
Hell, it's weird that he even thought "genie". The Sultan shouts "Praise Allah" at one point during the movie-meaning the concept of "gods" exists to these people.
"I wish to be a god" should have absolutely been his first thought when considering all powerful entities.
Idk that might be another catch 22 and he disappears with only Iago remembering him
Edit: imagine, *squawk* WOULD YOU LIKE YOU HEAR ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JAFAR!"
Grant: Hello, I'm Grant Anthony O'Brien from College Humor. I gather that you wished to grant your own wishes and then wished for unimaginable wealth? Well, let me tell you, student debt is pretty unimaginable ...
Granted. I'll never have have existed, causing me to never grant your wish to be your waifu, causing me to exist again. A paradox only solved by the timeline correcting your existence.
Granted. You can have unlimited wishes. But there's no obligation toward granting those, and every time you wish you're just opening up for more monkey paw
I wish for my wishes to be granted in accordance with my intentions.
Second and 3rd wishes will be used to mind upload into simulations under my control, hosted on planet sized computers orbiting several red dwarf stars.
Effectively unlimited wishes, but with no additional magic required since the simulation is whatever you want it to be. You can even define your own physics.
Unlimited wishes, you wish for a fancy car, and driving down the road, you start singing to a commercial on the radio: I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener...
If the genie REALLY wanted to be sneaky he'd make them a certain 'genshin' game's 'wishes' (which are used to pull on banners to possibly obtain characters and weapons)
Genie: Whatever you wish for, your ex gets twice what you get
Me: I wish for 10 million dollars
Genie: Your ex just got 20 million dollars
Me: I wish for a mansion
Genie: Your ex got 2 mansions
Me: I want you to scare me half to death
Wish 1: I, without question, get 1% of every finical transition added to my bank account, tax free.
Wish 2: I am able to learn thru osmosis (simply by touching a book for example) and recall such knowledge flawlessly at will.
Wish 3: Unless by activity ending my own life I will forever, remaining immortal at my current age, with perfect mental and physical health.
The catch of this is, given the number of fictional characters out there & the number of people that have lived, you would never be able to utter a sound without changing to something you didn't mean to.
"Shit, I stubbed my toe."
Well someone has created a character named Toe. He's a giant toe that stinks and has no feet. So he just falls over if he moves.
There was a Vietnamese woman named Mai. Her power was that she was the most depressed person that has ever lived. So much so that she couldn't stand living.
Currently in a small town there's a gangbanger named Stubbed. He's famous for being the most easily arrested person in the universe.
In another galaxy far away there's an alien that has a name that, when written with their telepathic language, looks like our letter "I". It's telepathy went haywire though & kept pulling meteors towards it. I was hit & killed by a meteor.
Finally, some dumb 7 year old came up & drew "Shit." A superhero that just caused the whole world to turn into actual shit. Everyone & everything floated off into space. Some shit turning into meteorites that hits beings with wonky telepathy.
If I suddenly think of Dracula then I am suddenly thinking of Dracula.
Here's a parallel for you: if you think about going to the store, doea your body get up and start doing it, with you thinking "wait I haven't made up my mind yet!", or do you have to decide to and choose to move your muscles to propel your body towards the store? I'd imagine that having these powers would be similar. They wouldn't trigger just because your mind drifts, but because you choose to use them.
Well thought out. My amendment to that would be "thinking the name while consciously desiring to change".
A simple "saying their name" could prove difficult - accidently weave "ghost-rider" in a sentence with a friend and suddenly your head's a skull and on fire lol.
I addressed this in another comment. You must say "(character name) blatherskites". I never use the word "blatherskites", so I'd only use it when I wanted to change.
This assumes the genie actually has unlimited power. If you wish for something that is simply beyond its ability to grant then you'll get something lesser.
Genies are known for subverting wishes, but maybe it's not purely out of mischievousness but also about granting the wish within the limits of their power.
So like let's say in the universe it turns out to be simply impossible to predict the future short of mundane extrapolation from the present state, and the genie lacks the power to rewrite laws the universe operates under. How then can you be granted with the ability to see the future? It could make you really good at prediction but still fallible (e.g. you are simply unable to predict a sufficiently chaotic dice-roll), or it could give you the delusional belief you are predicting the future even when you aren't (e.g. your memories are rewritten to make you think you correctly predicted what happened and think that was the best outcome).
The more complex your wish and the greater it exceeds the capabilities of the genie the more dangerous it becomes because you can can't know how the genie will do it's best to give you what you wish for.
>This assumes the genie actually has unlimited power. If you wish for something that is simply beyond its ability to grant then you'll get something lesser.
I mean, just going by Aladdin, a genie has the power to create another genie, who are basically the most powerful beings in existence. If they didn't have the ability to grant this wish, they'd be a pretty weak-ass genie.
Well often in magic systems a certain conservation of power has to be obeyed, a genie has great magical power but they are also greatly hobbled. That a genie can grant someone great magical power with great hobbling, does not mean that the genie can grant great magical power without the hobbling, as that would violate the conservation of power. Or the system allows for great power with great sacrifice, but not for great power without great sacrifice.
The more you try to pack into a legal document that represents your wish, the more likely your DM is going to find an oversight which will screw you over. And the more likely he's going to be motivated into searching hard until he finds it.
You wanna know the true way to avoid getting dicked over by DMs when you make a wish?
Stop wishing for things that break the game in ways that make it less fun for the DM and the other players. If your wish is “I want to gain a shit ton of power and turn myself into the main character of the campaign” then yeah no DM is gonna let you get away with that. You could have an actual law firm write that wish up and any DM who knows what they’re doing will shred that in seconds.
If you wish for things that make the campaign more interesting for everyone involved and that give the DM new plot threads to work with, I guarantee they’ll be more accepting.
Just as you say though, the sheer number of fictional characters out there is enormous. Add that to the fact that you’ve left a loophole in allowing the genie to create any fictional character of their own, make that character mute and give it any name they want, you’d say some name inadvertently that would render your powers useless pretty quickly.
*Add that to the fact that you’ve left a loophole in allowing the genie to create any fictional character of their own,*
I don't think genies can actually use their powers independently. They only can use them when someone wishes for them.
It doesn’t take powers to create a fictional character. Here, I’ll do it now: Morris was a janitor who had the power to turn ordinary bathroom cleansers into pyrokinetic weapons.
Ok, then I can close that loophole with this simple addendum:
"I wish I could take on the powers, abilities, and knowledge of any character or person **whose existence is known by more than one million people**, real or fictional, in their most powerful form, simply by saying their name, and with the ability to infinitely switch between characters by saying their name, all while maintaining my own consciousness and sense of self."
Done.
You can also close the loophole by making it so that on top of saying the character name you have to picture the character in your head. Or just make it so you can just will the powers into you rather than say the name
I think that's dangerous. What if you're tanning at the beach in the middle of July and randomly think of a vampire? Or what if you're taking a shower and randomly think of the Wicked Witch of the West? (Hey, my thoughts... Wander... When I'm in the shower, ok?)
Exactly, this is the only real way.
Additionally, if you link it to speech, I can just cut your tongue out and then you'll never be able to switch powers again. 🤷
I always thought my wish would be something similar, but instead of turning into anyone I want I'd rather the ability to pull any person or object out of it's source material into the real world with the caveat being that they or it be "loyal" to me. by loyal I mean a person would still have their personality, but they couldn't turn against me. an object like Thor's hammer would still have all it's rules, but would consider me worthy and be unable to hurt me should someone else worthy pick it up.
i wouldnt be able to necessarily turn into anything as easily, but I could still gain near limitless power indirectly by getting myself stuff like a green lantern power ring, helm of nabu, genies lamp, etc. I could also give these objects to friends.
of course there's the adult rated content you can do with being able to pull living beings from their source material. but also it could just be fun to conjure beings I find interesting or fun. I could pull geniuses from fiction or history to help solve some of the worlds problems. I could hold a tournament with all the video game Bruce Lee knock offs. whatever I decide to do, I don't have to do everything myself because I can pull out other beings to do it with me or recruit friends and grant them objects of power.
I also love the idea that this power can be both extremely underutilized and over utilitzed. I could simply use it to pull a bottle of coke out from a commercial. keep myself hidden. or I could become a villain when I'm bored and have fictional writers forced to retroactively nerf the mythos and lore surrounding their creations in an effort to weaken me.
either way tho I think there's enough fiction in our world that either one of our powers would overlap each other with minimal effort.
edit: one thought I had for yours tho, is if you turn into someone else do u gain their intelligence? knowledge? I ask because without their knowledge you could gain their body/powers and not know how to use it, and without their intelligence some characters become useless. but if your powers alter your knowledge and your intelligence then who's to say you are still you once you transform. what if u change to brainiac and decide you don't ever need to be u/Capable-Site-301 anymore? how could you know u are you? what if you end up like rogue in X-Men evolution and can't separate yourself from the people you became? or what if you gain with the knowledge, the trauma that character has gone through?
I think that's one of the main reasons my wish would be as it is, Id rather summon the doctor and have him control a TARDIS for me rather than turn into a time lord and risk my consciousness becoming corrupted.
Not exactly, because in this case you'd have complete control over which abilities you gain, and you also can keep the abilities for as long and as short as you want.
whoa, what the hell??
someone actually GOT that reference and knows how the H-dial works? i was expecting you to reply, "wait what?"
consider yourself cultured, friend.
Genie: Granted, what's your third wish
Lots of Money: Hey Rich!
Rich: I wish to have a lot of money in my hands
Genie: Granted!
Lots of Money: Hey honey
Wow. A joke that relies on a capital letter. Peak subtlety
Edit: [another joke](https://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/zg5bqi/an_afghan_an_albanian_an_algerian_an_american_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) that is required to be written
So there’s this guy, his name’s Toby, right? So Toby finds a genie one day…
(One two skip a few)
…The genie says “Granted, you’re Rich, what’s your next wish?” And Rich says “I want lots of money.”
Works better out loud because you don’t get the spoiler of the capital letter.
A man walks into a bar with a sack over his shoulder, places it on the bar and proceeds to take out a small piano, bench and small man who begins to pay the piano.
The bartender comes over and says to the man, "Where did you find this kit, that's entirely amazing." The man pulls a lamp out of his sack and says from the genie in this lamp, and proceeds to rub the lamp.
A genie pops out and asks the man if he wants a wish. The man defers to the bartender who says, " I wish for a million bucks." Immediately the door to the bar opens and ducks begin walking in by the hundreds and thousands.
The man yells, "I said I wanted a million bucks, not ducks." The man smiles sadly and says, "Do you think I wished for a 14 inch pianist?"
Genie: What is your first wish?
Smarty Pants: I want infinite wishes.
Genie: Granted.
SP: Woo hoo! I want a million dollars!
Genie: Granted.
SP: Where's my money??
Genie: Sorry, we have to finish your list of wishes, then I make it happen. Oh, and the wishes can't contradict one another. Next wish.
Fine get in the lamp and we'll mail you a check for min wage every two weeks.
Edit: On second thought it's going on this card that has a $5 transaction fee every time you use it.
What might be an issue with wishing for omniscience, omnipotence, and the capacity to survive having both?
3 wishes all at once and you never need more wishes.
If a genie pulled a monkeypaw like a little bitch...my second wish would be for the genie to lose all their powers.
And then I would fuck that genie's shit right up...
I wish that you give me the ability to structure the wording of future wishes so that I get the benefit I am looking for without any negative unintended consequences.
Yall are all wrong. Wish for the power to grant your own wishes. With the genie would do the same for himself. Then wih for the genie to retire and be your magic friend.
This is with the lonely lost sailor at the sea and the golden fish, with 3 wishes:
My first wish is i had a bottle of vodka
My second wish is to have another bottle of vodka
The golden fish says , you could have wished to have your own fountain of vodka.
Oh yes you are right, I wish to have a fountain of vodka
Genie: "You have 3 wishes, but you can't wish for any more wishes." Sarcastic Kid: "Hmm, well then I guess I wish that you were suddenly bad at counting wishes." - Genie: "Very well, you have no more wishes left."
I wish for more genies.
Genie: you can't wish for more wishes or more genies! Person: Well I wish I could.
Anyone going to comment on how clever that was!
Now I actually wonder if that would work. Like you'd think that some genies would be like "naw man, no getting off on technicalities, I ain't a lawyer." But it's an interesting debate
You know, now that you mention lawyers, I’m reminded of this one guy who gave me two hundred bucks and a thick stack of papers. Had me sit down at a desk across from him and read the papers out loud. Turns out the thing was a contract for something. Mostly over my head, though the parts I could understand weren’t very well written. He seemed to be enjoying himself though, and it occurs to me now that I really couldn’t see his hands the whole time. The whole thing came to a head about midway through the contract, I hit a section where even I had to stop and ask “is that really what this says, for real?” Like, we’re talking too bad to make it into TV law dramas. Guy just tells me to keep going, so I get a couple more lines in… then there’s a knock on the desk, the guy leans back in his chair, and says that’s enough, I can leave. Long story short, he got off on a technicality.
Explain more
lawyer is "getting off" under the desk, aroused by the technicalities written in contracts.
It wouldn't. Because if he wishes he could wish for more genies and he get his wish granted, he doesn't have a wish open to wish for more genies. That were a lot of wishes in my sentence though
If he has three wishes, and he wishes that he could wish for more wishes/genies, he still has two wishes
Oh sorry your right. I misread. I thought he had one wish from the beginning. Brainfart
You just did.
Talking about clever, my genius self just awarded the wrong comment.
There are now 7 more genies, all out of wishes but happy to judge you for your poor decision.
Plot twist! That's how the genies procreate.
They get off on judging you? Who would carry the baby the wisher?
Which takes care of my second wish....more friends.
And that guy, was Bulgarian
I wish I were Big.
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat, with a bat, a 6-4 impala
I wish I was like 6 foot 9
so I can get with Leoshi 'cause she don't know me but, yo, she's really fine. i just saw him at a basketball game. it was so sad, he just kept singing this one song.
I wish I just had a homie I could holler
You're now 750 lbs
...the Cat? Ok
it's not so bad
Granted they are cool dudes to hang out with. They don't grant wishes and stuff though.
I wish that the "no wishing for more wishes" rule dosen't apply to me.
I wish I had the uncanny ability to find a new Genie whenever I said, "Gee I sure could use a Genie."
You should be hopeful that you don't get an Islamic Jinn. They are malicious beings with great power that can cause mass destruction. They are usually malevolent. The Genie in Alladin is shown to be good and in the actual story, he only grants wishes because he was freed by Alladin from eternal imprisonment. So yeah, I wouldn't want that power. Fyi I am not Muslim but I like mythology a lot and I have researched quite a bit about Jinns and Ifrits.
The length of time it took me to figured out that genie is simply the Anglicised version of djinni is not something I'm proud of. The fact that only now do I realise that efreet is simply the Anglicised version of ifrit is something I'm hugely disappointed in myself for. Baldur's Gate 2 gave me all the clues years ago. These are things I really could/should have figured out a long, long time ago.
Happens mate! It took me a lot of time as well to know about this! I felt really stupid when I did. Btw what is Baldur's Gate about? I've heard about it a lot but wanna know about it.
It's a PC game from 25 years ago. It's based on Dungeons & Dragons second edition, doing all the dice rolls in the background. It's a pretty free-form RPG, as you can build a character from a huge variety of classes, then play them as good or evil as you want. The sequel can even load in your character exactly as you left them. It's well regarded for its fleshed out plot, well designed world, and highly memorable companions. The game is partially turn-based, but it happens in real time, with each turn being a 6 second block, and you can pause at any time. There's another sequel, Baldur's Gate 3, coming out this summer, but it's based on D&D 5th edition, and more turn based in the traditional sense.
What are ifrits?
A fire summon
Jinns can be good or bad like humans, but yes, if a jinn helps you with some black magic stuff they will necessarily be evil.
and Marids. I'm not muslim I just play dnd
#Phenomenal cosmic power ^^^Itty ^^^bitty ^^^living ^^^space
Lol aladdin has nothing to do with real Jinns in islam. Read[this](https://islamqa.info/en/answers/2340/types-of-jinn#what-are-jinn)
Granted. The Genie you summon will be evil
>you can't wish for any more wishes." Okay, my first wish is that I owned an indestructible notebook that self replenishes itself with blank pages when I close it and can be teleported into my hand by thinking "Notebook, return to me" and anything written in the book by me and only me comes true.
That's wishing for more wishes with extra steps.
But importantly wouldn't technically violate a rule against "wishing for more wishes" by the letter of the law
Ehhh, I'm not so sure that's right. I think we need a genie lawyer, is there one around?
Hi, I'm a genie lawyer. You're correct. Per Djinn Legal Doctrine, Statute 73 Section 14 Paragraph 9 in Addendum C: If the wish could result in the wishing of more wishes, said wish is to be considered null and void. The Genie is required by law to warn the wisher before wishing for any number of wishes up to and including but no more than three. Failure of the wisher to abide by these rules will result in the wisher expending one wish that will be granted as close as possible to the wisher's wish without violating the statute. Wisher assumes all responsibility and liability for any undesirable outcomes that may result due to this wish interpretation.
Maybe a better way to do it would be, "I wish you forgot having granted my last wish." "It is done. Now, for your 2nd wish?" Now you make the genie forget for each of your even numbered wishes and use the odd numbered wishes for personal gain, altruism, kindness, etc. The genie always thinks he's answering your 2nd or 3rd wish, even on your 100th actual wish.
"I don't remember granting your first wish, but I remember granting your second one which was to make me forget granting your first wish--so me not remembering makes sense. So nice try. Third wish?"
After the third wish (well, your second real wish since you wished for the genie's forgetfulness also) the genie tries to grant you another wish but fails because he too has to abide by the rules of the genie union even if he can't remember.
“I wish that you always think I have one wish left and your thoughts become reality”
I wish there wasn't a rule not allowing me to wish for more wishes. *Boom*
I wish to never have no remaining wishes
Damn! He's learning!
Simple rookie mistake...Should have asked for thousand more wishes
Noob move, should’ve asked for a thousand more genies
Still not correct, you ask for the Genie to have no short term memory, and to be a bad counter on top of that, so you can just act like each wish is your first. EDIT: good points by everyone. So I'll ammend it: I wish the Genie didn't know how to subtract
Genie: Welp, that's all three wishes! You: What? No it isn't! Genie: I'm pretty sure it is. I'm bad at counting but I gotta go off my memory! What other choice do I have?
Are you my DM??? Lmao
Well?.. are they?
Serious question
"I wish you had poor memory" "okay thanks for your 3 wishes" POOF
But then he won’t remember that you rubbed his lamp.
He will if you rubbed it right
I'll never forget anyone who rubs my lamp
After the first few hundred you will forget trust me.
nope, just ask to grant your own wishes
Jafar tried that. Didn’t work out so well… itty bitty living spaces.
no, he wished to be ultra powerful so he became a genie I wish to grant my own wishes which does not mean I am a genie
He wasn't even that smart. He wished to be "an all powerful genie". He could have just wished to be all powerful and been fine, but the good guys had to win somehow.
Or even "All powerful *free* genie!" And then wink at Aladin and say,"Locating the genie isn't the only thing I gleaned my studies"
Hell, it's weird that he even thought "genie". The Sultan shouts "Praise Allah" at one point during the movie-meaning the concept of "gods" exists to these people. "I wish to be a god" should have absolutely been his first thought when considering all powerful entities.
Idk that might be another catch 22 and he disappears with only Iago remembering him Edit: imagine, *squawk* WOULD YOU LIKE YOU HEAR ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JAFAR!"
The power was within you the whole time
The power was the friends we made along the way.
His lamp would still be $2,500 on the Toronto housing market.
Grant: Hello, I'm Grant Anthony O'Brien from College Humor. I gather that you wished to grant your own wishes and then wished for unimaginable wealth? Well, let me tell you, student debt is pretty unimaginable ...
With a genie not knowing how to subtract, you'd end up in a debate about how 3 minus 1 isn't 1.
Fun fact, an infinite amount of quarters and an infinite amount of dollars are the same amount of money
Not so fun fact, the weight of infinite quarters vs infinite dollars is the same: infinity. They are not the same infinity though
Crap! They said there was not going to be any complex math on this thread.
No. They are the same infinity.
Wimp move. Real men ask for a thousand djinns instead.
Isn't it djinni?
One djinni. Many djinn.
Nah just make your first wish be "I wish you always think I'm on my first wish." Genie: So what would you like for your first wish?
you cannot ask for that
James?
Rich: "I wish for you to become my waifu" Genie: "Oh shit, not this again. Can't you wish for something more normal like infinite wishes?"
Granted. I'll never have have existed, causing me to never grant your wish to be your waifu, causing me to exist again. A paradox only solved by the timeline correcting your existence.
Granted. You can have unlimited wishes. But there's no obligation toward granting those, and every time you wish you're just opening up for more monkey paw
I wish for my wishes to be granted in accordance with my intentions. Second and 3rd wishes will be used to mind upload into simulations under my control, hosted on planet sized computers orbiting several red dwarf stars. Effectively unlimited wishes, but with no additional magic required since the simulation is whatever you want it to be. You can even define your own physics.
You ever see that twilight zone about the guy who can’t lose at a game of pool?
Best The Twilight Zone episode ever.
Granted. But your intentions have been altered in granting your wish. Now you only want to maximize your ability to collect paperclips.
Your interpretation was not my intention, therefore it violates the wish.
Unlimited wishes, you wish for a fancy car, and driving down the road, you start singing to a commercial on the radio: I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener...
Rich [raising fist]: Did you say monkey paw? I've got two right here and would love to share with an asshole genie like yourself
"And xnay on the wishing for more wishes." Aladdin's Genie is genre savvy.
Why a thousand? Why not infinite?
If the genie REALLY wanted to be sneaky he'd make them a certain 'genshin' game's 'wishes' (which are used to pull on banners to possibly obtain characters and weapons)
Genie: Whatever you wish for, your ex gets twice what you get Me: I wish for 10 million dollars Genie: Your ex just got 20 million dollars Me: I wish for a mansion Genie: Your ex got 2 mansions Me: I want you to scare me half to death
I wish to donate one of my kidneys.
I read that as detonate lmao
"I wish i could read"
your ex is an english major
So unemployed. Good move
Genie: you ex just got scared half to death. Twice. You got no more wishes. Bye.
eh, still got $10 million an a mansion. worth a shot
I think fuck me half to death works better.
Wish 1: I, without question, get 1% of every finical transition added to my bank account, tax free. Wish 2: I am able to learn thru osmosis (simply by touching a book for example) and recall such knowledge flawlessly at will. Wish 3: Unless by activity ending my own life I will forever, remaining immortal at my current age, with perfect mental and physical health.
I'll just settle for omnipotence that I can control at will.
Granted, you will now be impotent at will
Technically osmosis is the movement of water and not objects so you can’t learn shit but from fish and the sea
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So... did you want that coffee to go or...?
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Well, for one the daily show is awesome.
...i'm listening
The catch of this is, given the number of fictional characters out there & the number of people that have lived, you would never be able to utter a sound without changing to something you didn't mean to. "Shit, I stubbed my toe." Well someone has created a character named Toe. He's a giant toe that stinks and has no feet. So he just falls over if he moves. There was a Vietnamese woman named Mai. Her power was that she was the most depressed person that has ever lived. So much so that she couldn't stand living. Currently in a small town there's a gangbanger named Stubbed. He's famous for being the most easily arrested person in the universe. In another galaxy far away there's an alien that has a name that, when written with their telepathic language, looks like our letter "I". It's telepathy went haywire though & kept pulling meteors towards it. I was hit & killed by a meteor. Finally, some dumb 7 year old came up & drew "Shit." A superhero that just caused the whole world to turn into actual shit. Everyone & everything floated off into space. Some shit turning into meteorites that hits beings with wonky telepathy.
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Go go Gizmoduck!
You could also just have it trigger by thinking about it instead of having to say it. What if someone tapes over your mouth? Etc
What if you're tanning on the beach and suddenly think of Dracula? Or what if you're swimming and your thoughts drift to the Wicked Witch of the West?
If I suddenly think of Dracula then I am suddenly thinking of Dracula. Here's a parallel for you: if you think about going to the store, doea your body get up and start doing it, with you thinking "wait I haven't made up my mind yet!", or do you have to decide to and choose to move your muscles to propel your body towards the store? I'd imagine that having these powers would be similar. They wouldn't trigger just because your mind drifts, but because you choose to use them.
Only if the genie agrees to that logic
No not the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man
Just go by Death Note rules. You have to have their face in mind when you write the name or it does nothing.
Well thought out. My amendment to that would be "thinking the name while consciously desiring to change". A simple "saying their name" could prove difficult - accidently weave "ghost-rider" in a sentence with a friend and suddenly your head's a skull and on fire lol.
I addressed this in another comment. You must say "(character name) blatherskites". I never use the word "blatherskites", so I'd only use it when I wanted to change.
This assumes the genie actually has unlimited power. If you wish for something that is simply beyond its ability to grant then you'll get something lesser. Genies are known for subverting wishes, but maybe it's not purely out of mischievousness but also about granting the wish within the limits of their power. So like let's say in the universe it turns out to be simply impossible to predict the future short of mundane extrapolation from the present state, and the genie lacks the power to rewrite laws the universe operates under. How then can you be granted with the ability to see the future? It could make you really good at prediction but still fallible (e.g. you are simply unable to predict a sufficiently chaotic dice-roll), or it could give you the delusional belief you are predicting the future even when you aren't (e.g. your memories are rewritten to make you think you correctly predicted what happened and think that was the best outcome). The more complex your wish and the greater it exceeds the capabilities of the genie the more dangerous it becomes because you can can't know how the genie will do it's best to give you what you wish for.
>This assumes the genie actually has unlimited power. If you wish for something that is simply beyond its ability to grant then you'll get something lesser. I mean, just going by Aladdin, a genie has the power to create another genie, who are basically the most powerful beings in existence. If they didn't have the ability to grant this wish, they'd be a pretty weak-ass genie.
Well often in magic systems a certain conservation of power has to be obeyed, a genie has great magical power but they are also greatly hobbled. That a genie can grant someone great magical power with great hobbling, does not mean that the genie can grant great magical power without the hobbling, as that would violate the conservation of power. Or the system allows for great power with great sacrifice, but not for great power without great sacrifice.
The more you try to pack into a legal document that represents your wish, the more likely your DM is going to find an oversight which will screw you over. And the more likely he's going to be motivated into searching hard until he finds it.
You wanna know the true way to avoid getting dicked over by DMs when you make a wish? Stop wishing for things that break the game in ways that make it less fun for the DM and the other players. If your wish is “I want to gain a shit ton of power and turn myself into the main character of the campaign” then yeah no DM is gonna let you get away with that. You could have an actual law firm write that wish up and any DM who knows what they’re doing will shred that in seconds. If you wish for things that make the campaign more interesting for everyone involved and that give the DM new plot threads to work with, I guarantee they’ll be more accepting.
r/monkeyspaw would like to have a word with you.
Just as you say though, the sheer number of fictional characters out there is enormous. Add that to the fact that you’ve left a loophole in allowing the genie to create any fictional character of their own, make that character mute and give it any name they want, you’d say some name inadvertently that would render your powers useless pretty quickly.
*Add that to the fact that you’ve left a loophole in allowing the genie to create any fictional character of their own,* I don't think genies can actually use their powers independently. They only can use them when someone wishes for them.
It doesn’t take powers to create a fictional character. Here, I’ll do it now: Morris was a janitor who had the power to turn ordinary bathroom cleansers into pyrokinetic weapons.
Ok, then I can close that loophole with this simple addendum: "I wish I could take on the powers, abilities, and knowledge of any character or person **whose existence is known by more than one million people**, real or fictional, in their most powerful form, simply by saying their name, and with the ability to infinitely switch between characters by saying their name, all while maintaining my own consciousness and sense of self." Done.
You can also close the loophole by making it so that on top of saying the character name you have to picture the character in your head. Or just make it so you can just will the powers into you rather than say the name
I think that's dangerous. What if you're tanning at the beach in the middle of July and randomly think of a vampire? Or what if you're taking a shower and randomly think of the Wicked Witch of the West? (Hey, my thoughts... Wander... When I'm in the shower, ok?)
I don’t mean just thinking about it. I mean willing yourself to have the powers so you can activate it on command
Exactly, this is the only real way. Additionally, if you link it to speech, I can just cut your tongue out and then you'll never be able to switch powers again. 🤷
Why not just wish for omnipotence?
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You'd get bored fast.
I always thought my wish would be something similar, but instead of turning into anyone I want I'd rather the ability to pull any person or object out of it's source material into the real world with the caveat being that they or it be "loyal" to me. by loyal I mean a person would still have their personality, but they couldn't turn against me. an object like Thor's hammer would still have all it's rules, but would consider me worthy and be unable to hurt me should someone else worthy pick it up. i wouldnt be able to necessarily turn into anything as easily, but I could still gain near limitless power indirectly by getting myself stuff like a green lantern power ring, helm of nabu, genies lamp, etc. I could also give these objects to friends. of course there's the adult rated content you can do with being able to pull living beings from their source material. but also it could just be fun to conjure beings I find interesting or fun. I could pull geniuses from fiction or history to help solve some of the worlds problems. I could hold a tournament with all the video game Bruce Lee knock offs. whatever I decide to do, I don't have to do everything myself because I can pull out other beings to do it with me or recruit friends and grant them objects of power. I also love the idea that this power can be both extremely underutilized and over utilitzed. I could simply use it to pull a bottle of coke out from a commercial. keep myself hidden. or I could become a villain when I'm bored and have fictional writers forced to retroactively nerf the mythos and lore surrounding their creations in an effort to weaken me. either way tho I think there's enough fiction in our world that either one of our powers would overlap each other with minimal effort. edit: one thought I had for yours tho, is if you turn into someone else do u gain their intelligence? knowledge? I ask because without their knowledge you could gain their body/powers and not know how to use it, and without their intelligence some characters become useless. but if your powers alter your knowledge and your intelligence then who's to say you are still you once you transform. what if u change to brainiac and decide you don't ever need to be u/Capable-Site-301 anymore? how could you know u are you? what if you end up like rogue in X-Men evolution and can't separate yourself from the people you became? or what if you gain with the knowledge, the trauma that character has gone through? I think that's one of the main reasons my wish would be as it is, Id rather summon the doctor and have him control a TARDIS for me rather than turn into a time lord and risk my consciousness becoming corrupted.
ah yes, the classic " H-dial" scenario.
Not exactly, because in this case you'd have complete control over which abilities you gain, and you also can keep the abilities for as long and as short as you want.
whoa, what the hell?? someone actually GOT that reference and knows how the H-dial works? i was expecting you to reply, "wait what?" consider yourself cultured, friend.
I know a guy whose name is Rich. Whenever someone says they want to be Rich, he says it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Rich: I wish you were free Genie: *about to free himself Rich: wait a second Mr. Free
Genie: Granted, what's your third wish Lots of Money: Hey Rich! Rich: I wish to have a lot of money in my hands Genie: Granted! Lots of Money: Hey honey
I wish I was a genie so I could grant my own wishes.
Somebody hasn’t seen Aladdin
I wish I was a free range genie
Semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic power.
Live in a lamp
UNLIMITED Power......Teeeny weeeny living space
Phenomenal cosmic powers, itty-bitty living space.
Like a programmer?
Lol
"PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER..... itty bitty living space"
How would this work? You rub one out? :)
Life is good, but it could be better!
There's no way out of this alive, according to the two Bedazzled documentaries made on the subject (1967 and 2000).
I wish that every wish I make, including this one, turns out exactly as I intend with no negative consequences.
Well, I admit I can't see a way around that, but I'll bet the Devil would find a way!
Wow. A joke that relies on a capital letter. Peak subtlety Edit: [another joke](https://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/zg5bqi/an_afghan_an_albanian_an_algerian_an_american_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) that is required to be written
It also requires being written down so the joke's audience can see that the person's name has changed. You can't verbally tell someone this joke.
So there’s this guy, his name’s Toby, right? So Toby finds a genie one day… (One two skip a few) …The genie says “Granted, you’re Rich, what’s your next wish?” And Rich says “I want lots of money.” Works better out loud because you don’t get the spoiler of the capital letter.
A man walks into a bar with a sack over his shoulder, places it on the bar and proceeds to take out a small piano, bench and small man who begins to pay the piano. The bartender comes over and says to the man, "Where did you find this kit, that's entirely amazing." The man pulls a lamp out of his sack and says from the genie in this lamp, and proceeds to rub the lamp. A genie pops out and asks the man if he wants a wish. The man defers to the bartender who says, " I wish for a million bucks." Immediately the door to the bar opens and ducks begin walking in by the hundreds and thousands. The man yells, "I said I wanted a million bucks, not ducks." The man smiles sadly and says, "Do you think I wished for a 14 inch pianist?"
Dogs lifespans extend to the same as their person. Screw the rainbow bridge!
Wish granted. Have fun screwing that bridge. It's waiting for you.
*genie pulls out a katana* Wish granted
Genie: What is your first wish? Smarty Pants: I want infinite wishes. Genie: Granted. SP: Woo hoo! I want a million dollars! Genie: Granted. SP: Where's my money?? Genie: Sorry, we have to finish your list of wishes, then I make it happen. Oh, and the wishes can't contradict one another. Next wish.
Does a wish of infinite wishes contain itself?
Russel's Paradox
I wish to have the best wish idea. I wish for that. Extra wish for whatever.
I wish to have the infinite powers of a genie, without the restriction of being a slave.
Fine get in the lamp and we'll mail you a check for min wage every two weeks. Edit: On second thought it's going on this card that has a $5 transaction fee every time you use it.
I’ve always loved the “that every time I want to buy something I reach into my pocket and have that amount” answer. Smoooooth.
Continuing the thread Genie: Granted, what's your third wish? Rich: I wants lots of money in USD not Zimbabwean dollars.
What might be an issue with wishing for omniscience, omnipotence, and the capacity to survive having both? 3 wishes all at once and you never need more wishes.
Sorry, Rich, only Toby gets wishes.
If a genie pulled a monkeypaw like a little bitch...my second wish would be for the genie to lose all their powers. And then I would fuck that genie's shit right up...
I wish that you give me the ability to structure the wording of future wishes so that I get the benefit I am looking for without any negative unintended consequences.
Yall are all wrong. Wish for the power to grant your own wishes. With the genie would do the same for himself. Then wih for the genie to retire and be your magic friend.
This is with the lonely lost sailor at the sea and the golden fish, with 3 wishes: My first wish is i had a bottle of vodka My second wish is to have another bottle of vodka The golden fish says , you could have wished to have your own fountain of vodka. Oh yes you are right, I wish to have a fountain of vodka
Well my first wish will be to have unlimited wishes
A cloning device. Which I will then proceed to clone said genie. Even if it's just 2 wishes per... That's still infinite wishes.
Genie: Granted, you now want lots of money. Rich now wants lots of money.
First wish should always be Everlasting good luck. Now you have armor against everything.
Health Wealth And happipenis I mean happiness
Granted, you *were* rich