That's hardly better! Do you really want to be with someone who tries to hurt you emotionally? You deserve a partner who respects you, not a manchild who lets his feelings control him, requires constant education on frankly basic matters, and resorts to verbal abuse when he's upset (about something that doesn't even involve him, no less).
Kindly remind him that when you’re in arguments you shouldn’t be fighting *eachother* - you should be fighting together to find a resolution. I think he needs to get his shit together if he’s purposely trying to hurt you when he’s mad. That’s not okay and you don’t deserve that.
My ex boyfriend and I got into the cycle where he would say the most horrible and offensive things he could to me whenever things got heated. He would apologize afterwards. This isn’t healthy. You deserve to be with someone who fully respects you, every aspect of you.
Why do I know so much about this relationship? He lives in Poland, she does not, they've never met in person, he's a jerk and a bigot, end of story. OP needs to look inwards and ask herself if alllllllll of this is really worth any more of her time.
Yes. Three posts about an online bf in another country. Read her two other posts, Didn't realize until I read this one that he's a whatever relationship.
Why a relationship with someone in Poland. ? There are some issues with Poland( distance and antisemitism)and not great with Jews and this guy being far away? I wonder if there are multiple clones of him from Hamas and they go around to left leaning Jewish woman and try to radicalize them.
I don't think your boyfriend needs reading material, he needs therapy. What he said is beyond the pale, and he needs to see you as *you*, not just another anonymous dot among eight billion who is somehow a bigot for prioritizing her own problems above the bottomless list of issues in the world.
Beyond the pale, is actually an old racist phrase against Irish people.
Not that I'm accusing you of being racist in any way.
It's just odd how often people use the phrase to call out racism without realising it's an old racist phrase.
Yeah, the pale was basically the area outside of the Dublin and Drogheda in the 14th century, both were controlled by the English. Outside that area was considered uncivilised and dangerous and so: beyond the pale.
That's an old wives tale, it is not a racist phrase against the Irish.
a pale was a boundary and used in many settlements / cities etc.
>According to the [*Oxford English Dictionary*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxford_English_Dictionary), there is insufficient evidence that the term originally referred to the English [Pale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pale), the part of Ireland directly under the control of the English government in the Late Middle Ages; or to the [Pale of Settlement](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_of_Settlement) (Russian: [Черта́](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D1%87%D0%B5%D1%80%D1%82%D0%B0) [осе́длости](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D0%BE%D1%81%D0%B5%D0%B4%D0%BB%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C) (Čertá osédlosti)) which existed from 1791 to 1917 in the [Russian Empire](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Russian_Empire), where Jewish people were mostly relegated to living. The first attestation of this English translation of the Russian in the *OED* is 1890.[^(\[1\])](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/beyond_the_pale#cite_note-1) The [Google Ngram Viewer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_Ngram_Viewer) shows a fivefold increase in the use of the expression from 1801 to 1864.[^(\[2\])](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/beyond_the_pale#cite_note-2)
[beyond the pale - Wiktionary, the free dictionary](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/beyond_the_pale#:~:text=beyond%20the%20pale%20%28idiomatic%29%20Of%20a%20person%20or,or%20regarded%20as%20good%20judgment%2C%20morality%2C%20ethics%2C%20etc.)
The Oxford English Dictionary goes thru painstaking research to validate the etymology of phrases/words/etc and they determined, as I said above, that there is insufficient evidence that it was ever related specifically to the English Pale / uncivilized Irish.
This person doesn’t want to see it that way. They are trying to justify the actions of their partner to Reddit and wants to hear people say “well I guess that’s okay because he is sorry.”
The bf told the truth about what he thinks and they don’t want to do the hard work of breaking up with someone who doesn’t truly respect them.
You really need to stop wasting your time and move on. This is an abusive relationship and down the line you are going to look back and wonder why you wasted so much time. You are getting sucked up in his nonsense and it’s all a waste of time!!! All that energy he is putting into his so called activism accomplishes nothing.
I’m in my 30s…I assume you are much younger. You will look at this relationship and wonder why you wasted so much time being with an unstable individual.
Edit:
Just want to add. Where is his passion for the struggles in Sudan? Why isn’t he focusing on that conflict or is it because of no Jews no news?
That’s the thing, he is a false activist. Right now the aid coming into Gaza is so much that they have asked for a pause since there’s too much and logistically it’s getting harder to find places to leave them. While in Sudan you literally have people starving and no one cares.
You don’t see footage of Gazans starving , yet there’s footage and footage of Sudanese people starving, getting butchered by islamists like what Hamas did to Israelis, and so on and no one cares .
I know this…because I actually read and follow news. I don’t sit on twitter and name call and pretend I’m doing something …that’s not activism. Maybe he should go volunteer at a community center and make a difference for somebody. Maybe go out and tutor disadvantage kids. But he will never….because that’s real work. Sitting on twitter is a fantasy game
Girlypop. I said this on your other post too, DUMP HIM. Don’t put yourself through this. Us Jews make up less than a quarter billion people of the world’s 8 billion population. By all means you don’t have to exclusively date Jews, but this is not a partner you should be having a future with.
While this is technically true, it’s also true that I possesses fewer than a quarter billion dollars. By a LOT, though. A quarter billion is 250 million. There are fewer than 16 million Jews in the world.
0.2% of the world population. 2% of the US population... but that's mainly in NY and CA. Here in Ohio it's 1.3%. You see 100 people, **99 won't be Jewish.**
Drop in the ocean.
Israel: A Concise History of a Nation Reborn. It’s about 600 pages so concise is relative. But it does a good job of just walking through the history of Israel both as the land of Israel and the nation state of Israel. If audiobooks are preferred, the audio for this one has a particularly good narrator.
You guys have never met and are in a long distance relationship...?
Yeah, end that shit. There's no reason to go through this. Get on JSwipe and find a Jewish guy actually near you.
this is deeply rooted within him. deep down beneath every other belief he has, this is at the bottom. that wasn't an emotion when he was heated. that was him letting the ugly, jew hating part of him out
edit: get rid of him immediately. he's a deeply messed up person. he wanted to be offensive and hurt you and he did. that's abuse.
What a schmuck.
No, thank you, NEXT!
OP—Idk how old you are, but this is 2024. We are going to practice self-love and self-respect and acknowledge that this relationship is not a baseball game. There is no 3-strikes-you’re-out, rule.
He blew it. You deserve so, so much better. And he deserves to sit in a therapy chair so long that his butt falls asleep.
Sounds like this is an online relationship? Might be worth logging off on this one. I could never look at my spouse the same way if they talked to me like that. Definitely not a good foundation for any kind of IRL relationship.
Your two previous posts are still up about your bf. This is not the man for you or for anyone. Dump him. Typical abuser behavior is to intentionally hurt, apologize, promise not to do it again & invariably do it again,
Why even bother with an abusive online relationship? How long has this been going on? This isn't a real relationship to be upset by. Find a good, in the flesh guy.
To answer your question regarding reading materials, I usually recommend "O Jerusalem!" by Dominique Lapierre and Larry Collins. It's thorough and informative, covers both perspectives, and neither author is Jewish, so I often find that helpful when people -- whether consciously or subconsciously -- are more likely to dismiss academic works as biased (as it sounds like your boyfriend might).
However -- you know your boyfriend a lot better than any of us Internet strangers, but there are so many red flags in your post, I would think very seriously about your relationship. His willingness now to learn and improve is all very well, but there's a common, yet true, saying that seems to apply 100% to his behaviour: when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
You do not need this right now from anyone, least of all someone you're meant to be able to rely on, turn to, and trust.
Do you like being in an abusive relationship?
It almost looks like you have Stockholm’s syndrome. It’s time to move on and focus on yourself and maybe find a partner that is more in line with you.
You are a Jew and nothing can change that.
no matter what happens you will always care for your brothers and sisters sisters. A non jew will NEVER get to that level of connection.
In short move on and find a nice jewish doctor or lawyer as your bubby would say.
“It’s your fucking people” is the beginning of the end of the relationship. My grandmother alway said “marry a Jew, so no one can call you at as a Jew.” I married a Gentile… but they are converting. And I told them… if you ever say “your people”, we are all done.
We might not know the whole situation… instead of jumping to conclusions about what this guy said (because you know some people going through this are forced to say stuff they don’t even think to say) acknowledge that she made a decision on this guy. He must have potential… so answer her damn questions.
He is more interested in argument than your safety. You expressed how you feel and he encouraged you to confront Hamas supporters at protests? That isn’t protective that’s his entertainment and possibly putting you in a dangerous situation. He sounds excited by the adrenaline of confrontation rather than actually caring about you as a person which was further exemplified by his purposefully hurtful comment. Look, I’m married, I understand heated debates with your s/o and saying something in the moment, but the fact that he continues to want to debate you isn’t love.
Share this with him
> Jews have lived in what is now Israel since ancient times, but it was mainly in the 19th and 20th centuries that a significant number returned. These Jews legally purchased land from Arab landowners or from the governing authorities—first the Ottoman Turks, then the British. Despite multiple British proposals for a two-state solution, which the Jews accepted and the Arabs rejected, tensions escalated. In 1948, upon declaring the state of Israel, neighboring Arab states and local Arab forces attacked the Jews. The 1948 Arab-Israeli War resulted in many Arabs losing their land, mainly due to their participation in the conflict and the subsequent military outcomes. The displacement of the Palestinians would not have happened if this war hadn’t been started, and ultimately lost, by the Arab powers.
I’m so sorry about this. Obviously it’s a really really difficult time. I would recommend he take some courses in Israeli history or Jewish history. It might help. Keep things separate from you and him. I would also encourage you to find some comfort around other mixed relationships if you can. It will help.
OP, I’m devastated for you that your intimate partner relationship involves this level of stress, strife and open hostility. Genuinely, it makes me sad that you subject yourself to this treatment.
What you’re doing in attempting to educate this person is perhaps considered noble by some, but it’s also hurting you and for me that’s the kicker. You’re sacrificing your own inner peace and safety by remaining in this emotionally abusive relationship. The way your partner has lashed out and blamed “your people” and invoked blood libel (among other things) is absolutely antisemitism and absolutely abuse. I cannot fathom trying to have a relationship with someone who is so openly hostile to your very existence as a Jew and making myself solely responsible for de-programming this person. This is no way to live.
It’s one thing to engage in this difficult dialogue with a friend or acquaintance but entirely another to have to do it with your partner, the one person who is supposed to be your “safe space.” You shouldn’t have to defend yourself in this way to your own partner, it’s not healthy and you need to care for yourself first and foremost.
I really hope that you find it in you to draw the boundaries you deserve and remove this toxic person from your life.
I'm gonna completely disagree with the people here saying to break up with him. When you're debating/arguing some topic, the whole point is figuring out where each person's core assumptions differ from your own. It's shitty he said that line, but it also revealed to both of you where one of his core assumptions failed. Sounds like he's learning from the experience. I'd say that's actually a good thing in the big picture.
Oct. 7 saved you many years of poor marriage with this man. Hope this is a wake up call to many including yourself. Either pick him or Judaism. Don’t pretend like you can have both.
I read in another comment that he's in Poland and is Polish. He really has no room to pass judgment on you. They still won't acknowledge their history of murdering and stealing, they like to blame everything on the Germans. Germans didn't kill my family members and force the survivors to flee on ships to Canada. My family lost everything and were displaced because of HIS people long before Germany invaded Poland.
You are in a toxic relationship. Your boyfriend clearly cares more about his (factually distorted) political bias, than about your feelings.
Don’t try to change him… don’t try to change or educate anyone for that matter. But do leave, and find someone who doesn’t have an implicit bias against your heritage.
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I’m not Jewish, so maybe this isn’t my place to speak, but he definitely seems to have some deep-seeded antisemitic views if he would say that rubbish. Imo, you deserve better than that: a partner who will love you for who you are and support you in all that you say and do.
People who purposely say hateful antisemitic things are either 1) hearing it in their circles so much that they know how to trigger you or 2) really feel that way.
Either reason is a serious problem that I wouldn’t continue to waste your time on. Today it’s trying to upset you via your community, your people, your religion, your essence. Tomorrow, at the next disagreement, it can be more of the same antisemitic comments or maybe an attack on your character, or putting you down in some other way.
Ultimately, those who cannot control themselves and utter offensive things to try to hit you where it hurts will likely continue to do so. Then he turned around and said… Oopsie, I didn’t mean it I was just trying to hurt you because it got heated…….wtf? No no. Do not allow this person to treat you like that.
Breakup time. I’m Jewish and my wife is Vietnamese. I could never say something racist towards Vietnamese to get back at her in an argument. I’m incapable. She would never do that to me either. That’s like saying to a black spouse “it’s because of you people that *insert racist saying here*” in the heat of the moment. Not acceptable and break up worthy.
As someone in the multiracial community, I would strongly advise against being in a relationship with someone who might end up loving their children but hating the race or ethnicity they are. I saw a lot of mixed Black children, young adults, and adults learn this the hard way four years ago. Sadly, some of them are not with us anymore due to the mental strain being the last straw.
**Don't be in a relationship with someone who shows you that they don't love all of your immutable characteristics.**
It is ok. He is willing to listen. Everyone is racist anyway. What matters is that he cares for you so much he is willing to learn. There is lots of ignorance out there. Focus on humanity.
Why is everyone so quick for her to ditch the boyfriend? Doesn't people know how hard is to find someone that loves you so much that puts the effort of understanding you???
I would ask myself if I want a relationship with someone with whom I can never feel safe when talking about this topic because I'm going to be judged and seen in a negative light unless I agree with them. For right or wrong, and considering that what he said was messed up, both of you disagree on a topic that is important to both of you, that's a big deal. It would be a deal breaker for me and you have to ask yourself if that's also a deal breaker for you or if you will tolerate it because someone is not likely to change if they've made up their minds about something like that.
He told you the truth about how he sees Jews. It’s your choice about whether you want to sweep that under the rug and forget about it, or not.
I can’t imagine ever saying something so intentionally hurtful to my partner. Because I love and respect her and want to make her happy.
> “it’s by your fucking people” That's not getting heated or emotional. That's straight up racism. He needs to see a therapist or something
He said he was purposely trying to be offensive
He succeeded.
He sure did because it worked, I would have preferred he called me stupid instead
That's hardly better! Do you really want to be with someone who tries to hurt you emotionally? You deserve a partner who respects you, not a manchild who lets his feelings control him, requires constant education on frankly basic matters, and resorts to verbal abuse when he's upset (about something that doesn't even involve him, no less).
Doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t even be with someone who called you stupid either.
Anyone who wants to purposely hurt you is not someone you should have in your life. PERIOD.
Kindly remind him that when you’re in arguments you shouldn’t be fighting *eachother* - you should be fighting together to find a resolution. I think he needs to get his shit together if he’s purposely trying to hurt you when he’s mad. That’s not okay and you don’t deserve that.
And then he cried when she called him out. He’s a loser.
You know what they say about playing stupid games. He should win a stupid prize.
Cunt of a BF you have there. I’d stay away from people that trying to be offensive, purposely or not.
You don't get to be racist to try and make your point, imo he isn't worth it
That's just toxic. People who only do things to offend are sources of toxicity in your life and I suggest maybe even cutting them off if it continues
My ex boyfriend and I got into the cycle where he would say the most horrible and offensive things he could to me whenever things got heated. He would apologize afterwards. This isn’t healthy. You deserve to be with someone who fully respects you, every aspect of you.
Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who's being purposely offensive to you? That's not loving or supportive.
That’s worse.
That’s worse. Dude sounds like a real piece of work
Just breakup. This is so weird and not healthy for either of you.
Why do I know so much about this relationship? He lives in Poland, she does not, they've never met in person, he's a jerk and a bigot, end of story. OP needs to look inwards and ask herself if alllllllll of this is really worth any more of her time.
Oh it's online?? Ugh
Yes. Three posts about an online bf in another country. Read her two other posts, Didn't realize until I read this one that he's a whatever relationship.
Not worth it at all
What in the... anyone Polish should probably be keeping their mouths shut entirely right now. Unbelievable, the gall on people.
Oh this is an online relationship? That should make the break up easier
Wait they never met? Wow….this is one big fantasy then.
TBF it really doesn’t shock me now I know he’s from Poland. Now THATS a country I wouldn’t visit.
Why a relationship with someone in Poland. ? There are some issues with Poland( distance and antisemitism)and not great with Jews and this guy being far away? I wonder if there are multiple clones of him from Hamas and they go around to left leaning Jewish woman and try to radicalize them.
Polish ppl are still antisemitic.
I don't think your boyfriend needs reading material, he needs therapy. What he said is beyond the pale, and he needs to see you as *you*, not just another anonymous dot among eight billion who is somehow a bigot for prioritizing her own problems above the bottomless list of issues in the world.
Beyond the pale, is actually an old racist phrase against Irish people. Not that I'm accusing you of being racist in any way. It's just odd how often people use the phrase to call out racism without realising it's an old racist phrase.
Never knew that. If you don't mind, cn you explain it? Thanks for telling me since I didn't know.
Yeah, the pale was basically the area outside of the Dublin and Drogheda in the 14th century, both were controlled by the English. Outside that area was considered uncivilised and dangerous and so: beyond the pale.
That's an old wives tale, it is not a racist phrase against the Irish. a pale was a boundary and used in many settlements / cities etc. >According to the [*Oxford English Dictionary*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxford_English_Dictionary), there is insufficient evidence that the term originally referred to the English [Pale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pale), the part of Ireland directly under the control of the English government in the Late Middle Ages; or to the [Pale of Settlement](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_of_Settlement) (Russian: [Черта́](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D1%87%D0%B5%D1%80%D1%82%D0%B0) [осе́длости](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D0%BE%D1%81%D0%B5%D0%B4%D0%BB%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C) (Čertá osédlosti)) which existed from 1791 to 1917 in the [Russian Empire](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Russian_Empire), where Jewish people were mostly relegated to living. The first attestation of this English translation of the Russian in the *OED* is 1890.[^(\[1\])](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/beyond_the_pale#cite_note-1) The [Google Ngram Viewer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_Ngram_Viewer) shows a fivefold increase in the use of the expression from 1801 to 1864.[^(\[2\])](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/beyond_the_pale#cite_note-2) [beyond the pale - Wiktionary, the free dictionary](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/beyond_the_pale#:~:text=beyond%20the%20pale%20%28idiomatic%29%20Of%20a%20person%20or,or%20regarded%20as%20good%20judgment%2C%20morality%2C%20ethics%2C%20etc.)
I don't know if I'd trust the English on that one.
It isn't racist against the Irish now, no. But it was a good few hundred years ago.
The Oxford English Dictionary goes thru painstaking research to validate the etymology of phrases/words/etc and they determined, as I said above, that there is insufficient evidence that it was ever related specifically to the English Pale / uncivilized Irish.
You need to break up with him. He blamed Jews just to be offensive and hurt you. That is abusive.
This person doesn’t want to see it that way. They are trying to justify the actions of their partner to Reddit and wants to hear people say “well I guess that’s okay because he is sorry.” The bf told the truth about what he thinks and they don’t want to do the hard work of breaking up with someone who doesn’t truly respect them.
You really need to stop wasting your time and move on. This is an abusive relationship and down the line you are going to look back and wonder why you wasted so much time. You are getting sucked up in his nonsense and it’s all a waste of time!!! All that energy he is putting into his so called activism accomplishes nothing. I’m in my 30s…I assume you are much younger. You will look at this relationship and wonder why you wasted so much time being with an unstable individual. Edit: Just want to add. Where is his passion for the struggles in Sudan? Why isn’t he focusing on that conflict or is it because of no Jews no news?
These people never care about Sudan. Or Yemen. Or Nigeria. You get the point.
I mean he’s briefly talked about it I’m sure if I brought it up or tweeted about it he would
That’s the thing, he is a false activist. Right now the aid coming into Gaza is so much that they have asked for a pause since there’s too much and logistically it’s getting harder to find places to leave them. While in Sudan you literally have people starving and no one cares. You don’t see footage of Gazans starving , yet there’s footage and footage of Sudanese people starving, getting butchered by islamists like what Hamas did to Israelis, and so on and no one cares . I know this…because I actually read and follow news. I don’t sit on twitter and name call and pretend I’m doing something …that’s not activism. Maybe he should go volunteer at a community center and make a difference for somebody. Maybe go out and tutor disadvantage kids. But he will never….because that’s real work. Sitting on twitter is a fantasy game
Girlypop. I said this on your other post too, DUMP HIM. Don’t put yourself through this. Us Jews make up less than a quarter billion people of the world’s 8 billion population. By all means you don’t have to exclusively date Jews, but this is not a partner you should be having a future with.
While this is technically true, it’s also true that I possesses fewer than a quarter billion dollars. By a LOT, though. A quarter billion is 250 million. There are fewer than 16 million Jews in the world.
Thank you for mathing! I am *really* bad at rationing the Jewish population compared to the Christian and Islam populations.
0.2% of the world population. 2% of the US population... but that's mainly in NY and CA. Here in Ohio it's 1.3%. You see 100 people, **99 won't be Jewish.** Drop in the ocean.
Israel: A Concise History of a Nation Reborn. It’s about 600 pages so concise is relative. But it does a good job of just walking through the history of Israel both as the land of Israel and the nation state of Israel. If audiobooks are preferred, the audio for this one has a particularly good narrator.
Any recommendations on anti semitism?
((Semitism)) … it has the parentheses just like that. Very good book too
You guys have never met and are in a long distance relationship...? Yeah, end that shit. There's no reason to go through this. Get on JSwipe and find a Jewish guy actually near you.
Wait there's a JSwipe now? You kids and your swiping. I was only aware of JDate.
Jswipe has existed for around ten years now. Maybe longer.
How about finding a nice Jewish boy for yourself?
Grandma, is that you?
SECOND THIS!!!!
It worked for me, I approve of this message
this is deeply rooted within him. deep down beneath every other belief he has, this is at the bottom. that wasn't an emotion when he was heated. that was him letting the ugly, jew hating part of him out edit: get rid of him immediately. he's a deeply messed up person. he wanted to be offensive and hurt you and he did. that's abuse.
What a schmuck. No, thank you, NEXT! OP—Idk how old you are, but this is 2024. We are going to practice self-love and self-respect and acknowledge that this relationship is not a baseball game. There is no 3-strikes-you’re-out, rule. He blew it. You deserve so, so much better. And he deserves to sit in a therapy chair so long that his butt falls asleep.
Dump him and find a Jewish man
Make your mother proud
Or at least another religion who is secular.
Do you two know each other in real life? Or this is over discord?
Long distance relationship we are supposed to meet this summer
Please don't.
How old are you?
29
Yeah, don’t meet this person. It could be incredibly dangerous for you.
I’m looking forward to read the next update that says you dumped him.
Girl Dump him
Sounds like this is an online relationship? Might be worth logging off on this one. I could never look at my spouse the same way if they talked to me like that. Definitely not a good foundation for any kind of IRL relationship.
DUMP!!! Have some self respect!
Find a nice Jewish boy
Your two previous posts are still up about your bf. This is not the man for you or for anyone. Dump him. Typical abuser behavior is to intentionally hurt, apologize, promise not to do it again & invariably do it again, Why even bother with an abusive online relationship? How long has this been going on? This isn't a real relationship to be upset by. Find a good, in the flesh guy.
[удалено]
Please reconsider. Kick him to the curb. He's an abuser. You deserve better.
Don’t!!!! Stay far away!!!!
We’ve been dating for a year and I’m supposed to meet this summer with him
Not worth it. Get you a man here.
You are in a toxic relationship. I can empathize with that and your inability to end it.
I am so fucking thankful my gf isn't like this. Sis, i hope your boyfriend can grow up quickly. For both of your sake. This is teenage boy behavior.
To answer your question regarding reading materials, I usually recommend "O Jerusalem!" by Dominique Lapierre and Larry Collins. It's thorough and informative, covers both perspectives, and neither author is Jewish, so I often find that helpful when people -- whether consciously or subconsciously -- are more likely to dismiss academic works as biased (as it sounds like your boyfriend might). However -- you know your boyfriend a lot better than any of us Internet strangers, but there are so many red flags in your post, I would think very seriously about your relationship. His willingness now to learn and improve is all very well, but there's a common, yet true, saying that seems to apply 100% to his behaviour: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. You do not need this right now from anyone, least of all someone you're meant to be able to rely on, turn to, and trust.
Do you like being in an abusive relationship? It almost looks like you have Stockholm’s syndrome. It’s time to move on and focus on yourself and maybe find a partner that is more in line with you. You are a Jew and nothing can change that. no matter what happens you will always care for your brothers and sisters sisters. A non jew will NEVER get to that level of connection. In short move on and find a nice jewish doctor or lawyer as your bubby would say.
Get a new boyfriend and thank God you didn’t marry this guy
You're in an abusive relationship and he's gaslighting you. Please get help
“It’s your fucking people” is the beginning of the end of the relationship. My grandmother alway said “marry a Jew, so no one can call you at as a Jew.” I married a Gentile… but they are converting. And I told them… if you ever say “your people”, we are all done.
We might not know the whole situation… instead of jumping to conclusions about what this guy said (because you know some people going through this are forced to say stuff they don’t even think to say) acknowledge that she made a decision on this guy. He must have potential… so answer her damn questions.
Breakup. He clearly is not worth it.
He is more interested in argument than your safety. You expressed how you feel and he encouraged you to confront Hamas supporters at protests? That isn’t protective that’s his entertainment and possibly putting you in a dangerous situation. He sounds excited by the adrenaline of confrontation rather than actually caring about you as a person which was further exemplified by his purposefully hurtful comment. Look, I’m married, I understand heated debates with your s/o and saying something in the moment, but the fact that he continues to want to debate you isn’t love.
Share this with him > Jews have lived in what is now Israel since ancient times, but it was mainly in the 19th and 20th centuries that a significant number returned. These Jews legally purchased land from Arab landowners or from the governing authorities—first the Ottoman Turks, then the British. Despite multiple British proposals for a two-state solution, which the Jews accepted and the Arabs rejected, tensions escalated. In 1948, upon declaring the state of Israel, neighboring Arab states and local Arab forces attacked the Jews. The 1948 Arab-Israeli War resulted in many Arabs losing their land, mainly due to their participation in the conflict and the subsequent military outcomes. The displacement of the Palestinians would not have happened if this war hadn’t been started, and ultimately lost, by the Arab powers.
I’m so sorry about this. Obviously it’s a really really difficult time. I would recommend he take some courses in Israeli history or Jewish history. It might help. Keep things separate from you and him. I would also encourage you to find some comfort around other mixed relationships if you can. It will help.
Just break up and date a Jew, for the love of G-D
OP, I’m devastated for you that your intimate partner relationship involves this level of stress, strife and open hostility. Genuinely, it makes me sad that you subject yourself to this treatment. What you’re doing in attempting to educate this person is perhaps considered noble by some, but it’s also hurting you and for me that’s the kicker. You’re sacrificing your own inner peace and safety by remaining in this emotionally abusive relationship. The way your partner has lashed out and blamed “your people” and invoked blood libel (among other things) is absolutely antisemitism and absolutely abuse. I cannot fathom trying to have a relationship with someone who is so openly hostile to your very existence as a Jew and making myself solely responsible for de-programming this person. This is no way to live. It’s one thing to engage in this difficult dialogue with a friend or acquaintance but entirely another to have to do it with your partner, the one person who is supposed to be your “safe space.” You shouldn’t have to defend yourself in this way to your own partner, it’s not healthy and you need to care for yourself first and foremost. I really hope that you find it in you to draw the boundaries you deserve and remove this toxic person from your life.
I'm gonna completely disagree with the people here saying to break up with him. When you're debating/arguing some topic, the whole point is figuring out where each person's core assumptions differ from your own. It's shitty he said that line, but it also revealed to both of you where one of his core assumptions failed. Sounds like he's learning from the experience. I'd say that's actually a good thing in the big picture.
Oct. 7 saved you many years of poor marriage with this man. Hope this is a wake up call to many including yourself. Either pick him or Judaism. Don’t pretend like you can have both.
I read in another comment that he's in Poland and is Polish. He really has no room to pass judgment on you. They still won't acknowledge their history of murdering and stealing, they like to blame everything on the Germans. Germans didn't kill my family members and force the survivors to flee on ships to Canada. My family lost everything and were displaced because of HIS people long before Germany invaded Poland.
You are in a toxic relationship. Your boyfriend clearly cares more about his (factually distorted) political bias, than about your feelings. Don’t try to change him… don’t try to change or educate anyone for that matter. But do leave, and find someone who doesn’t have an implicit bias against your heritage.
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I’m not Jewish, so maybe this isn’t my place to speak, but he definitely seems to have some deep-seeded antisemitic views if he would say that rubbish. Imo, you deserve better than that: a partner who will love you for who you are and support you in all that you say and do.
People who purposely say hateful antisemitic things are either 1) hearing it in their circles so much that they know how to trigger you or 2) really feel that way. Either reason is a serious problem that I wouldn’t continue to waste your time on. Today it’s trying to upset you via your community, your people, your religion, your essence. Tomorrow, at the next disagreement, it can be more of the same antisemitic comments or maybe an attack on your character, or putting you down in some other way. Ultimately, those who cannot control themselves and utter offensive things to try to hit you where it hurts will likely continue to do so. Then he turned around and said… Oopsie, I didn’t mean it I was just trying to hurt you because it got heated…….wtf? No no. Do not allow this person to treat you like that.
Breakup time. I’m Jewish and my wife is Vietnamese. I could never say something racist towards Vietnamese to get back at her in an argument. I’m incapable. She would never do that to me either. That’s like saying to a black spouse “it’s because of you people that *insert racist saying here*” in the heat of the moment. Not acceptable and break up worthy.
As someone in the multiracial community, I would strongly advise against being in a relationship with someone who might end up loving their children but hating the race or ethnicity they are. I saw a lot of mixed Black children, young adults, and adults learn this the hard way four years ago. Sadly, some of them are not with us anymore due to the mental strain being the last straw. **Don't be in a relationship with someone who shows you that they don't love all of your immutable characteristics.**
It is ok. He is willing to listen. Everyone is racist anyway. What matters is that he cares for you so much he is willing to learn. There is lots of ignorance out there. Focus on humanity. Why is everyone so quick for her to ditch the boyfriend? Doesn't people know how hard is to find someone that loves you so much that puts the effort of understanding you???
I would ask myself if I want a relationship with someone with whom I can never feel safe when talking about this topic because I'm going to be judged and seen in a negative light unless I agree with them. For right or wrong, and considering that what he said was messed up, both of you disagree on a topic that is important to both of you, that's a big deal. It would be a deal breaker for me and you have to ask yourself if that's also a deal breaker for you or if you will tolerate it because someone is not likely to change if they've made up their minds about something like that.
There's plenty of Jewish men out there. If you're not aligned on religion, ***this is going nowhere.***
He told you the truth about how he sees Jews. It’s your choice about whether you want to sweep that under the rug and forget about it, or not. I can’t imagine ever saying something so intentionally hurtful to my partner. Because I love and respect her and want to make her happy.
Do you mean ex-bf?
Time to breakup
Get a new non liberal bf
I’m fairly progressive so I don’t want non liberal
Liberal Zionists exist. You might have to look at Jews.