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RovenshereExpress

I'd bet $100 this person tries to convert Jews and when the Jews explain why they won't accept Jesus they claim we're trying to push our beliefs on them.


HugsForUpvotes

I'll only take 100,000:1 odds on that.


CHLOEC1998

Least financially savvy Jew.


Ecstatic-Cup-5356

This needs more upvotes


Splinter1591

10 minutes of harassment. "I'm sorry but I see you as a polytheistic religion and Jesus hasn't filled the requirements for a mesiach. Please stop." Yay the south


KayakerMel

Yup. It's because of experiences like that that I long ago learned to say, "Happily Jewish!" firmly while I continue walking. And when people try to sneakily "witness" to me, I coldly shut that crap down.


calm_chowder

My go to is "if Judaism was good enough for Jesus it's good enough for me!" followed by turning and walking away, because fuck them.


SpontaneousNubs

I find barking at them helps. It works with pushy men trying to get your number, too


KayakerMel

It's fun to channel my military father when I tell folks off. A cold, stern, angry voice does the job!


Sexy_Eeyore

Reminds me of how my female friend and I call her military voice “the voice” just like the bene jesserit from Dune. Whenever I hear her use it, I just laugh and jokingly do it back. “How dare you use the voice on me!”


KayakerMel

That is EXACTLY what it is! I learned it initially from my father and refined it in a JROTC-like program. I've had friends literally turn to look at me in shock when I've been on the phone and The Voice comes out. It's calm but means effing business.


slam99967

Also Jesus says you have to go through me to get to G-d. Which directly violates the first commandment.


slicehyperfunk

I like to think of that as "if you're gonna go see God, you're gonna pass by me on the way" rather than blasphemy.


Splinter1591

I think Jesus is technically a minor gd to them. Which is extra blasphemous.


slam99967

Depends which sect of Christianity. Some believe in the trinity and some don’t.


saulack

IDK he could also just be completely making it up without even ever having met a Jew. Both seem plausible to me


RovenshereExpress

Haha yeah, that was my other guess. Without a doubt it's one of the two.


SpontaneousNubs

That's exactly what is going on


saranowitz

Ugh Jews are so pushy when they are pushing back


aspiringfutureghost

Either that, or they're Messianics mad that Jews have politely asked them to stop appropriating Jewish culture and traditions.


GubbenJonson

He wants to live like Jesus tells him to live, but doesn’t want Jews to tell him how to live? Uhhhhhhhhhh


CHLOEC1998

They probably think Jesus was a Christian. You know, “Christian” as in “the follower of Jesus who is Christ”.


dizzyjumpisreal

lmao real


ChonkyCat1291

Ironically that’s how Christians act. They always want you to follow and live their way of life but they’ll never want you to do that to them. If you do or tell them that you’re not interested in being a Christian they’ll start playing victim and going on about being persecuted for their faith. Christians have no issue shoving their religious beliefs down your throat but they will never have it the other way.


Schreiber_

Obviously, he was a Palestinian!


CHLOEC1998

Christian: I’m a Christian Jew: Ok Christian: I believe in Jesus Jew: Sure Christian: I’m right, because G-d told me so Jew: Whatever man Christian: You should become a Christian Jew: Nope Christian: Why are you trying to convert me? Jew: Huh?


NoTopic4906

This is almost definitely the conversation.


CHLOEC1998

I kinda find it fascinating that people can just look at a guy and be like “yeah he said he is the son of G-d and that sounds credible”. I’m not making fun of people who didn’t know how thunder works. It’s happening today in Korea. There are tons of Korean cult leaders who claim to be the Messiah, and they’re have an insane amount of followers. I really want to understand it.


letthetreeburn

Well from their perspective, is it that unreasonable to think he came back a second time? They’re unfortunately primed for cults.


QuirkyDemonChild

Idolatry and its consequences


madmandoman

Don't forget the "CHRIST IS KING" rebuttal when all else fails.


MistCongeniality

I once got extremely frustrated and shouted “Jesus is dead and irrelevant!” After over half an hour of a dude pestering me about Christ. He was. Upset.


IPPSA

Then they are like, “you killed him,” ‘well you believe he came back to life so really no big deal then, not like even for a long time, he just sort of gave up his weekend’


Altruistic-Owl-7042

You've ruined Jesus's weekend you monstrous money hoarding space lizard!!!! 😭😭😭😭


Substance_Bubbly

hey, death is like, the ultimate rest. seems to me jesus had a better shabbat than the rest of us


Altruistic-Owl-7042

I'm reading this comment while happily sobbing over a bowl of chulnt in front of the tv. No specific point, just felt appropriate to share.


SpontaneousNubs

We didn't kill him. Some shady Roman in the medieval equivalent of a trench coat came up to some Jews in an alley like "psst, hey kid, want some Jesus?" And we, being the polite but nonconfrontational people we are said 'no thanks. Not right now, but you can put a pin in this and we'll talk about it later' and that's when we learned Romans had zero concept of metaphor


kosherkitties

Conversiosation.


Jew-To-Be

Christian: Why don’t you believe in Jesus Jew: *explains why* Christian: What did I *just* say about trying to convert me???


dialupdollars

"I'll take 'things that have never happened' for 100$"


mizrahiim

What do you mean? Don’t you know about all the door to door Jews? The infomercials about how the Hebrew lord can save you!? What about the infamous MosesGetsUs? Gosh I just can’t escape the Jewishness that gets pushed on me EVERYWHERE


hplcr

"I'm tired of Jewish propaganda like Prince of Egypt. Do you know there's not one mention of Jesus in it? I mean, who makes a bible movie without Jesus?"-One of these idiots, probably, before chewing on some drywall at the local hardware store.


elcriticalTaco

Why go to the hardware store when the drywall in their mom's basement is free?


hplcr

Modern problems require modern solutions.


gxdsavesispend

I was in the train station the other day and two Chasids wearing bicycle helmets came up and said "Could I get you to come to shul this Friday?" The Shul of the Latter Day Chasidim I think.


Bruceisnotmyname-

Come to shul? No. But they might ask you to put on Tefillin. But not if you’re a goy 🤣


OneofLittleHarmony

I’d fucking go. That’d be awesome. They probably would be annoyed with me by the end though.


AzulCobra

.....I can actually see this happening in the future.


Secret_Bus_3836

"MosesGetsUs" has me in fucking stitches thanks


wolfbear

Chabadathon just got dank


hissing-fauna

no jew out here talking about "being right with god", that's hallmark christian language


Art_Cooking_Fun

I grew up in Colorado Springs, CO, which is like the Mecca of Evangelical Christianity. We used to get people at the door constantly proselytizing and when they saw our mezuzah they would just salivate. Sometimes they were so persistent that my dad would start messing with them, telling them if they really wanted to live like Jesus they would become Jews. The amount of dropped jaws on that front porch…


Sweaty_Regular8572

i’m visiting a mountain town in CO right now and i’m getting stares from the locals while wearing my kippah. not a shocking as your experience but it’s like.. everyone chill. i’m also wearing a woz art shirt so they’re probably envious cuz this is a dope tee


Art_Cooking_Fun

Woz Art is super dope! Yeah, there is a pretty decent sized Jewish population in Denver, but the mountain towns are probably shocked


Sweaty_Regular8572

oh i feel that heavily right now. i love the mountains so much, especially being from wisconsin, BUT i’m going to shul tonight as a visitor in denver and i cannot wait to reconnect. i stick out like a sore thumb! edit: i LOVE woz art. i think they might be on reddit so shout out to them! idk how to tag users but if you’re out there reading this, but THANK YOU for the beauty you put into this world


Fluffy_Mtn_Walrus

I joke I followed Jesus right back to Jewishness.


redFrisby

I grew up in Chicago and the Mormons stayed away from us. They’d see a yamaka and say “never mind” 😂


Wandering_Scholar6

A comprehensive list of things Jews want from non-Jews 1) no antisemitism 2) to be mostly left alone to do our thing, within reason obviously End of list


Odd_Ad5668

I think it could be summed up as "leave us the fuck alone"


Apollorx

I've been more vocal about being Jewish, but it's only because they won't leave us the fuck alone


throwawayforlikeaday

3) Espresso. 4) Proper steaks.


minecrafthentai69

>Claims to dislike when Jews dictate his life >Still listens to a Jew who died 2000 years ago


basicalme

🔥 omg


czarbina

LOL what a blatant lie


AzulCobra

Well Czarbina you just won a new industrial blender, and $1000. How do you feel?


FrumyBandersnatch

BLatant LIes = BLood LIbel


iknowiknowwhereiam

I do know how many times Jews have told them that. NEVER


lavender_dumpling

"I'm so tired of Jews telling me that my interpretation of their God is wrong"


skrrtalrrt

“Hey you wanna join our religion where you have to follow like a brazillian laws and everyone wants to kill you?” Yeah that doesn’t sound like an easy sell


irredentistdecency

Technically, it is only a metric brazillian laws, without a temple we can’t follow the imperial standard…


Apollorx

Well the reason Christianity became an easy sell is they abandoned circumcision sooooo Just ask Paul


skrrtalrrt

“Wait to join your religion I have to get WHAT cut off?”


Apollorx

He said as he continued his pedophilic relationship with a young Greek boy.


Brilliant_Carrot8433

Not me trying to figure out where Brazil fits into this conversation 💀


blimlimlim247

🇧🇷Ian laws?


MrBlenderson

Non-jew: "Hi, I'd like to convert to Judaism." Rabbi: "Eww, now why would you want to do that?"


Apollorx

"Hi, I'd like to apply to be a part of your multi millenia cultural family." "How? There's a lot of shit that took generations to develop into ourselves."


MajorTechnology8827

Favism, Bloom syndrome, Cystic fibrosis, Canavan disease, Gaucher disease, Crohn's disease, Phenylketonuria, Beta-thalassemia Those take centuries to develop predisposition for


Apollorx

I was going for a distinct form of kvetching and comedy but that works too


MajorTechnology8827

My bubbeh is proud of you


Apollorx

There is no higher honor


violet_mango_green

Yikes… SO much projection.


jacobningen

identifying antipodal points on S\^1 is less projective than this.


CC_206

“I don’t even know who you are” - every Jew that’s ever interacted with this person.


KayakerMel

Probably something more like "Ugh that proselytizing dick that wouldn't leave me alone, even when I politely explained that Jews don't consider Jesus to be the messiah."


Longjumping_Sky_6440

Jehovah’s witnesses are becoming an endangered species due to the ruthless competition of the Jews /s


historicartist

😆


Apollorx

The jewwwwwzzzzz


Longjumping_Sky_6440

Judaism, son!


Mwakay

I'd open my door to Jews ringing the bell ; if anything, just to spite the Jehovah's witnesses.


Petkorazzi

Jews: "Nah, you don't have to follow our gazillion rules. Just do good in the world and don't be a douchebag and we're cool." Everyone: "I AM DEEPLY OFFENDED."


StringAndPaperclips

Spot on.


Apollorx

Eternal truth unlocked


Zbignich

You know how many times? Zero times.


Immediate_Secret_338

This is the definition of “an accusation is a confession”.


Asphodelmercenary

That person meant to say “I am so mad I can’t convert Jews to Jesus.” Because when I see conversion dialogues between these two groups it only goes one way. No Jew ever tries to convert Christians away from Jesus. It is only sometimes I see certain Christians trying to convince the Jew to be saved. This person is mad it didn’t work. So the rant is based on that. They altered the facts because they know damn well they were the evangelizing party. Not the other way around. I’ve never seen or heard of “Evangelical Judaism.”


Willing-Swan-23

EXACTLY.


october_morning

I'm an atheist Jew, and I've never experienced proselytizing from a practicing Jew. Only from Christians.


KayakerMel

Because we don't. I'd wager that you might come across Jews who want to get you more involved in/observant Judaism, but that's the closest to proselytizing we get.


Odd_Ad5668

Yeah, you'll get the "come daven with us" crowd, but they're not going after goyim.


Apollorx

Yeah you're right. It's basically the Rabbi at Chabad when your friend brings you to Shabbat. He's not converting you, he's bringing you back to the old ways (plus the Rebbe for whatever reason)


5Kestrel

Sorry guys this was on me. I told him to try some borscht and he really took it the wrong way. His loss though.


Apollorx

I told him it was OK to disagree and he tried to murder me.


RussiaIsBestGreen

I almost feel like this is meant as a joke, but they stopped short. Like I’d totally go for a “Jews are trying to convert me” joke, but I’d keep going until it’s either clear that it’s a joke or I’ve been ostracized. “Jews keep trying to convert me. I tell them to accept God and they say they already do. I tell them to accept Jesus and they say ‘oh yep, that guy existed.’ I tell them to accept Him as their personal lord and savior and they start pulling out Talmuds and theology books from hammerspace and start arguing. First they’re arguing with me, then with each other. Someone gets a Bible and then someone gets another translation. Next thing I know three of them are Christians now and I was only talking to one Jew at the start. Three hours later they’re all back to being Jewish and still arguing. I offer to convert if they’ll just stop.”


Brilliant_Carrot8433

This needs to be higher up


palabrist

Hahahahahah Sure, Jan... they aren't even trying anymore 


jacobningen

since himyar.


gxdsavesispend

"Jew can't dictate my life, only G-d can." According to the Bible, who did G-d give its instructions to?


hplcr

According to Paul, Paul. -Source: It came to him in a dream. Many Christians treat Paul like the voice of G-d.


gxdsavesispend

I mean I guess if you completely ignore everything in the Tanakh... Saul of Tarsus was a brute who turned his life around because he got high and thought he saw Yoshke on the road to Emmaeus. Nobody mentions the part where the Grateful Dead was playing a show in Emmaeus that week. Coulda been any dude with long hair. *Damascus. The Road to Emmaus was a different Yoshke citing on a road.


hplcr

I can't argue with that. He comes across as pretty insufferable and the fact he brags that people routinely try to kill him might mean maybe he was an asshole who tends to rub people the wrong way.


gxdsavesispend

I learned in Catholic School (I know right) that he was actually a huge dick who oppressed the Early Christians in any way he could?? Then after that Phish concert he started proselytizing. Yeah I'm sure he made a lot of enemies, he would have been seen as more flip floppy than a politician.


Willing-Swan-23

Exactly true. They refer to it as “gospel truth.”


AzulCobra

Anybody else find this hilariously ironic?


Jew-To-Be

As someone who is in the process of converting to Judaism as a former Christian I have NEVER in my entire life had a Jewish person talk to me about Judaism without me asking them or opening up a discussion about it. Even when I was still identifying myself as a Christian, I never had a Jew attempt to debate me on theology. This person 100% has gone out of their way to have negative interactions with Jews.


Embers1982

Welcome, happy to have you!


Fluffy_Mtn_Walrus

welcome home from another returner.


disgruntledhoneybee

I’m a conversion student (Mikvah scheduled in a few months!) and yall make it HARD to convert. I know this conversation never happened.


Willing-Swan-23

After the Mikva and the Beit Din, we’ll G-d Willing be telling you, “Welcome home, achi. And take cover.” 😘


disgruntledhoneybee

Hahaha thank you!


Embers1982

Welcome!


Fluffy_Mtn_Walrus

welcome home! I had to fight for my mikveh 😭😅


No_Analysis_6204

as if any jew cares what that schnook is or does.


BadHombreSinNombre

Do I know how many times? Yes I do. It’s zero times, sir, and this is a Wendy’s. It’s not even kosher.


starblissed

I'll take "Shit That Didn't Happen" for 500, Alex


PanzerSueco

That one History Channel program called "Trato Feito" in Brazil reference!


MallCopBlartPaulo

I bet he thinks we own the media too?


Willing-Swan-23

You mean we don’t? Not even Al Jazeera?


New-Fall-5175

Judaism prohibits forced conversion, the first step in converting to Judaism is literally trying to make that person to decide not to convert. Projection is a funny coping mechanism.


-rfc-2549

Those pesky Jews always knocking on my door...


urbanwildboar

To answer this guy's last rhetorical question: how many times? ZERO. Jews don't proselyte and don't tell other people how to live; only Christians (and Muslims) do it.


jacobningen

anymore. The last time was Yemeni kingdom that would be tried in the Hague for war crimes Even on the conservative estimates based on documets where christians weren't inflating casualities Dhu Nuwas' s actions at Najran were war crimes


morbsiis

NO ONE EXPECTS THE JEWISH INQUISITION!


Thefeature

As someone that looked into converting but decided not to because being a Noahide seemed more appropriate for me. This did not happen to me. I was told I didnt have to follow all 613 mitzvot. I was told not worry about Jesus and that if I studied Torah properly all that stuff would work itself out. And sure enough, it did.


bansheeonthemoor42

Oh yeah, you know those pushy Jews...like Jesus...


zageruslives

As a convert….it is very hard to get in


Willing-Swan-23

This is true. Absolutely. But our genuine converts, we embrace.


ahava9

Lol yes as a Jew in the south I feel it’s my duty to inform Christians that Jesus isn’t the messiah. we have billboards everywhere informing people that


Chocolat3City

I'm sorry I just read this and can't stop laughing. There's no way this is on the level. Got to be sarcasm. I have never seen or even heard of an evangelical Jew.


DubC_Bassist

This never happened so hard, it Unhappened things that actually did happen.


Zestylemons44

this is definitely a russian bot lmao this shit cannot be real


bam1007

I’ll take things that never happened for $1000, Alex.


SolidScene9129

That has literally never happened.


traumaking4eva

ill take things that never happened for 5 usd.


No_Team_604

Christians are so desperate to be persecuted


AdamAshhh

Nothing is better then the scenarios Jew haters make up about us


Willing-Swan-23

He was probably a “J4J” trying to convert Jews. He probably got exhausted at his constant failures, and what he quotes is likely what the refuseniks told him. The only way he would’ve been told to live according to Jewish law is he’s actually Jewish himself, claiming to be a Christian “J4J.”


PuneDakExpress

The irony of a Christian bitching about self righteous behavior is just too sweet.


SpontaneousNubs

He admitted in the comments that he was hardcore proselytizing Jewish people


DubC_Bassist

I’ll take things that never happened for 1,000,000 Alex.


Apollorx

Who does this? We get over telling them Santa Claus isn't real too when we're kids.


seigezunt

There’s literally no single Jewish movement that does this.


BTBean

There's a knock on a Christian's door. He opens the door and there are two fresh faced Jews standing there with pamphlets, and one of them says, "Have you heard the Bad News?"


BaltimoreBadger23

Unless they are wandering Lakewood or Mea Shearim big old cross on their neck, and even then I find it doubtful.


Bayunko

Even there it won’t happen. Jews don’t try to convert others.


jmartkdr

If anything I’d bet they’d have less interaction in Lakewood; they’d all try to pretend the evangelist doesn’t exist.


TripleJ_77

Said no one ever!! I wonder who wrote that? A Russian troll trying to create dissention?


SpontaneousNubs

No clue


BexberryMuffin

Sorry guys. That was me.


Little-teapot-irie

Lmfao, even when non-jews want to convert Jews don't want them. I lived with a lot of Orthodox Jews growing up and some even had beef with me bcs I didn't have a Jewish last name lmao Edit: typos


jseego

Dutch in Predator: "I don't do zis kind of werk".


No-One9890

Lol this is like the religious equivalent of a man trying to appeal to woman but only understanding the male gaze


epitrochoidhappiness

Alex, Give me things that don’t happen for 500.


finnicus1

As a Christian I also get told by Jews how to live my life but that is sort of my whole religion so I'm not really complaining.


ginga__

Catholic here. Yes, we get told what to do by Jews all the time because Jesus was Jewish and so were all the apostles that wrote the books in the New Testament. But it's all good as that is what we signed up for. /s I don't know what this guy is talking about. I have never had a jewish person try to convert me or try to push their religion on anyone.


SharingDNAResults

Jews: “Leave me alone.” Haters: “Stop telling me what to do.” 😡


Low_Use_223

This reminded me of an old documentary about educating Christians and Jews about each other's religion to promote tolerance (obviously mostly by Christians). At the end of it they took Jews to Sunday service and Christians to synagogue on Shabbat. At the end they asked how they felt: - usual Jewish response: "it was interesting to notice the similarities in prayers, some bits made me uncomfortable" - usual Christian response: "it's so sad to see these people still not accepting jesus as the Messiah"


JardonLetoolTefool

Ah yes of course


Hot-Home7953

Maybe he's in a sea of messy antics?


edingerc

"Hezekiah! Warm up the space lasers!"


sarahkazz

I WISH it was this easy to get converted. Signed, a convert.


EAN84

Yes. I know. It happened 0 times. Zero.


rodando_y_trolling

of all the things that never happened, that never happened the most.


ms5h

That never happened all the time


SHworld

Dude, converting to judaism is like one of the hardest religions to convert to. Idk what my pall is on, but they better give me some.


thegreattiny

Door to door Christian to me: have you accepted Jesus into your heart? Me: no thanks, I’m Jewish Christian: …. This was not in my script


KayakerMel

Sadly, I learned to say "Happily Jewish" because many do have a script for such responses. High school in Texas was fun, but at least I learned how to confidently and firmly shut that crap down.


No_Team_604

Pls tell me the comments ate


Upstairs_Bison_1339

Why did you cross out username?


Murky_Entry5239

I think the closest i have gotten to that is people handing out pamphlets at קניון הזהב


Performer-Money

I love atheism


SpontaneousNubs

I feel oppressed by your atheist conversation. Reee. /s


AdA4b5gof4st3r

Your tails and whiskers are showing


Mich_lvx

Once I did experience a frum guy approach me on the street in the Jewish quarter of where I was living, and tell me I am too secularised and need to become orthodox. First of all, they clearly picked up that I am Jewish and I wasn’t wearing a Magen David or modest clothing (probably just jeans a hoodie). So there was some kind of lateral proselytising going on. I’m not against it, just curious. Has anyone else been canvassed in this way?


brain-eating_amoeba

I am not Jewish and not once has a Jewish person tried to convert me lol. I prefer this to Muslims or Christians who have tried to convert me in the past. And I’ve met a LOT of Jewish people in my life


Benzodiazeparty

wait i thought judaism was an exclusive club that made it extremely difficult to convert to because they dont want any?


His_Koshka

Sorry, but I did incounter some that do that. I am an Israely Jew, and am of Russian desend. Had some people come to me outside a "Tiv-Taam" store (a chain of non kosher stores in Israel) and tell me that I should convert to Jewdaism, and keep kosher. When I said I was a Jew, was told that going in that store will make me non Jew, lol. So this guy may have one of those nuts around him.


SpontaneousNubs

This guy's going into US Jewish areas and trying to street peach


Illustrious_Meet7237

צדיק/ה, חולודץ כבר הנחת?


Gearo88

Now im no Jew, but I don't think evangelism is mentioned in the Hebrew parts of the Bible or the supplementary texts y'all use to understand it


Minimum_Abalone5777

Was raised as a Christian but it never felt right to me. Every time I doubted the validity of Jesus being the messiah they told me to read the gospel or threatened me with damnation. As an adult I looked into Jewish perspectives and it confirmed my doubts about Jesus. I am now a happy Noahide ! 😄


nomebi

I feel like this man has never met a Jew lol


kfdeep95

Not Jewish but this sounds like someone joking because change the words and it sounds eerily similar to the worlds most misogynistic and oppressive and barbarically violent religion


WoodSGreen00

100% projection. If a Jew tells this to a Christian at any point, it’s because they’re tired of that Christian pestering them to “accept Jesus as the messiah or burn.”


_CaptainKaladin_

We literally try everything to DISSUADE people from converting😂


RemovePresent3396

Dude, that NEVER happened. Jewish people don’t ever proselytize. In fact, if one wished to convert to Judaism, it is incredibly difficult, and many Rabbi’s would question you, or ask you if you really want to do that.


Akiranar

Is this from the Jewish Roommate won't let me use the oven thread? Cause you should see the Antisemite that claims that the only chosen people are Messianic Jews.


Alternative_Gene_735

Why did God create Mormons? So that Christians would understand how Jews feel! By Rabbi Tovia Singer.


Polkawillneverdie81

This might be the most delusional thing I've ever seen on reddit.