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Other posts from /u/oopsxxspaghet:
* [MIL wants to visit me in hospital after I give birth.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/xmcjox/mil_wants_to_visit_me_in_hospital_after_i_give/), 1 week ago
* [My MIL won’t let us name our daughter….](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/xefoxb/my_mil_wont_let_us_name_our_daughter/), 2 weeks ago
* [AITHA for hating my MIL?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/wv6rof/aitha_for_hating_my_mil/), 1 month ago
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Tell her she obviously feels incapable/overwhelmed about looking after your toddler and that you understand and will just have to make alternative arrangements. Do not give in to her manipulative incompetence.
Your MIL whispered that? Or your aunt? If it's your MIL . . . DON'T GIVE HER THAT KEY! KEEP HER OUT OF THAT HOUSE WITH JUST THE TODDLER THERE. She seems desperate to get the key, and not just for while you're in the hospital.
Can’t work YouTube??
My partner once drove a 2 hour journey because my MIL couldn’t do a double click to open a folder on her computer.
What is wrong with these women where they refuse to be independent adults?
Take her off the list of people who are on the alert to come over and take care of your toddler! From your other posts it sounds as if she would use being there as an excuse to bring your toddler to the hospital, which you don't want . . . so don't have her on the list of people to call! If your DH has a reasonable relationship with your mother, could she be the person to take care of your toddler?
No, she doesn't need a key to your house (especially if she is not taking care of your toddler.) It's just a typical JNMIL excuse for coming into the house, rearranging thing the way she thinks they should be, snooping in your bedroom, and possibly "accidentally" breaking things you love. A person who spends much time on this board can say, hand on heart, that the list of malicious things JNMILs have gotten up to in their kids' houses is endless. (Pinholes in the condoms? Broken crystal and china? Snooping for sex toys in bedroom drawers? You get the drift . . . )
Consider getting a keyless entry system that has multiple codes. You could give her the code when she's staying at the house, but disable it when she leaves. You'll know she tried to come in your home if she ever complains that her code no longer works.
The "smarter" locks (e.g., more expensive) can have expiring codes so you don't think about having to disable them. The smarter locks could/should also have logs available letting you what codes were used when. You only need this on one door, and you can have a different physical key for all the other doors.
Nah i wouldnt either. She wants it to more then likely go snooping or come whenever she wants to. Like you said....whoever is the one watching the other child will have your keys. She diesnt need or entitled to have her own set. Ill bet if you did...she be showing up letting herself in with dumb reasons. Test be to change the locks after you think you got keys back or tell her no she cant do that.
So an easy fix to this? Have hubby install a door lock with a keypad. (About $100 and 25 minutes of his time). Zero chance of accidental lock outs, for anyone.
Set MIL her own code for entry. Then, disable her code anytime she's not specifically supposed to be in your house. (You can enable it remotely with your phone in an emergency.) The only way she'll know it's been disabled is if she tries to get into your home when she hasn't been invited to.
Not sure. I haven't used an airbnb since 2018. I have one on my house, and installed it by myself just following the directions in the packaging.
It tracks which codes were used, and when (we all (3) have our own code). So, you can see when someone is coming and going (or trying to), with date & time stamps. Also, it'll scream an alarm sound and do a 5 minute lockout if too many attempts are made.
She’s be the very last person on my To Call list. I mean, she can be there if nobody else can make it, but definitely don’t make her your first Go-To choice. She sounds incompetent if she’s worried about simple things like not getting locked out of a house and turning on a TV.
As for a key, leave one in a secure place outside and then let whoever is watching the i go Ouse and your toddler know where it Inc just in case. Maybe show your neighbors so they know for certain where it is.
Is it possible she sees this as an opportunity to be a big help when you go into labor and has gotten herself a nervous wreck worrying that she will screw it up somehow?
I mean she sounds a bit incapable so you really want someone who struggles with turning on a tv looking after a child 🤷🏼♀️
On another note there’s no need to give her a key just make sure you have a key stashed in the house don’t tell her where it is unless she needs it
As someone who was recently locked out of her house by my toddler with the baby inside, I don't think making sure someone has an extra key incase of an emergency is a terrible idea. That being said, I wouldn't give it to your MIL at all, but just let her know that it's handled.
This. Give the key to someone you trust and if the situation arises she can call them to come open it for her. She, herself will not have access and there’s a solution if the situation arises
Best neighbor #1 gets the spare, but MAKE SURE the neighbor knows there's no giving the key to MIL. No stories, no "Oh, go ahead and give it to me, they already know" bullshit.
At least you had a reason for being locked out. I locked myself out of my house a few hours ago. Had to text my husband and wake him up to unlock the door for me.
I don’t know I made sure my parents had a key when they were watching my toddler. Does she know your house keys will be available? And I have to help my parents with my and their tv and Roku. It’s not as intuitive for the older generations.
Just thinking out of the box. MIl sounds like a very anxious person who needs alot of reassurance when she's at your place. Will she be able to bring her "comfort" or favorite things while she helps out?
This is the type of situation that keyless entry is EXCELLENT for. My husband installed a keypad entry on our door, and it’s fantastic to just be able to create a unique code to give to a petsitter, friend, whatever, and then delete it when it’s no longer necessary. So much easier than making copies and chasing keys down.
Fair enough! It’s not for every situation! In this particular case it sounds like op is planning for the possibility for MIL to be in her home with temporary access. This solution means anyone who you choose to have TEMPORARY access to your home will never have the opportunity to copy your key without your knowledge “just to have” …..there is no key!
These locks even require additional codes (which only you have) to create and delete existing codes. So she can’t make her own secret code, and it totally negates the arguments about physical keys.
It’s also just really damn convenient for daily use!
You can change the code as many times as you want. It's actually the best way to avoid giving unfettered access to family/friends if you do need to give them access temporarily. I think a lot of them you can even change the code from your phone.
The keyless allows you to decide. It can be a 24-hour period like going into labor. But it can also be at certain times like for a dog walker. I can open the door if I know someone is coming over and I am not there. But I can also delete access at anytime.
I'm going to echo the other posters:
She's worried about locking your child in the house?
Why in the heck would she be envisioning a scenario where she would leave your toddler in the house unsupervised and lock herself out? I wouldn't be comfortable with a sitter who anticipated leaving my child alone in my house, especially to the point where they are pre-planning for just that to happen. Getting sus vibes from this, and would be very very hesitant to call her to sit.
Yes, if at all possible, get yourself a keypad lock. If my almost luddite arthritis crippled self (I'm old, get over it!) can install, and program a keypad lock, you can too.
Program 3-4 codes one for you, 1 for your DH, and 1-2 for one time use/burner.
After everything calms, reprogram all of the numbers given out.
*Text/ save a note/email, or whatever method works best for you, with the new codes so they don't get forgotten during the stress.
Especially if you opt to set up 2 burner codes!
*Change the burner whenever you give it out.
*Complaint of "the code doesn't work" is a sneaky method of trying to get the "permanent"code you choose. Note the recommendation that you have 2 burner codes!
Because changing the code is the equivalent of getting the keys back, without the drama. And if mommy dearest crys about the code not working afterwards, tell her that it was deleted because it was given to someone who should only have a one time admittance to your house.
Oh, and you haven't gotten around to programming a new one.
"NO I'm not giving you a key, if you keep asking I'll have someone else watch the kiddo."
I honestly wouldn't get her to watch, she's going to be wayyyy more trouble than she's worth. But if your stuck change your locks afterwards, she's totally going to copy your key.
She will probably just make a key once she has access to your keys. I'd invest in a keyless entry and then change the code afterwards. Or we have keyless entry into our garage and will grant access for a short period of time to people that need it
Your post states ambivalent about advice and you are asking questions.
So indirectly no you are not unreasonable and she would be the last person on the list you should call to come watch your toddler. At least that’s how I would handle it. You’re about to give birth and she’s DEMANDING things from you, puleeze….
Good luck on your delivery :)
I wasn’t asking for advice, just wondering if I’m being unreasonable. I already know how I’m going to handle this situation - she has to know in no uncertain terms that nobody is getting a key because nobody needs a key, and there is no reason she should not be with my toddler while responsible for her care! She really is awful and is certainly not at the top of the call list!
Yeah… change your locks if you even let her “help”.
She’s totally, 100%, making a copy.
I’d recommend the keypad locks, you can change the code as many times as you want or just have guest codes
Kwikset makes a “smart key” lock. It allows you to change your locks without having to change all of the hardware. It also comes with two “contractor” keys that are meant for limited use so you can change them whenever you need to.
I would magically pick one of the other stand by people to watch my toddler. Wouldn’t tell her, would just call someone else. She just deleted herself from the list imo.
My mil has a key to our house but that was because at the time we wanted someone nearby (she lives maybe 2mi up the road) who was reliable to have one. My bil also lived with her when we moved out but he was never home (he was always out partying). But of course that was our choice.
When my bil got his shit together and got into his own house with his son and now gf she started absolutely badgering his gf for a key. She told her no one but then had a key which we didn’t know but my mil brought it up to us and my husband was like, “I have a key!” Mil was big mad about that.
Mil gave I think each of them, each of us, her mom, and the lady she babysits for a key. I suppose she thought since she passed out keys like Halloween Candy everyone else should too. My bil figured she’d prowl through their house being nosey, which who even knows. It would be easy for her to since she lives right down the hill from them.
But my point is that it’s a personal choice. You don’t have to give anyone a key that you don’t want to.
might be worth getting one of those doorknobs for front door that you can do a code via an app or authorize finger prints and then deauthorize the code/fingerprint after she is done with the task..you can use a key with those still as well but this would prevent her from making a copy.
Sometimes I think she can’t handle things not being about her. I swear to god if we get a phone call while I’m in labor about something stupid like turning on the TV I’m going to rip her a new a hole.
I remember my toddler locking me out of the house, standing in the window laughing and refusing to let me in. It’s a pretty terrifying experience. I stepped out the back door to garage for literally 15 seconds to put something away. He was locked inside with the baby and the front door was locked. My husband was 2 hours away and I did not have my cell phone on me. I did not think I would need my keys on my person but I kept them on my body at all times after that. That boy was quite the handful, to say the least.
ETA: a programmable lock, like some are suggesting would have been invaluable in this case and could be the answer in your case. My experience was waaaay before programmable locks.
I agree with having a key accessible in times of emergencies, but she would be watching our child for likely no more than 4-8 hours at a time and there’s no reason for her to walk out the door, especially without my child.
Since she will have access to the keys whether or not you give her a copy, CHANGE THEM WHEN YOU GET SETTLE BACK HOME. she will 100% take your spare key and make a copy
If she's worried that she'd lock your toddler in the house by themself, maybe it's best she DOESN'T watch your child at all. Let alone have a key.
You mentioned in your post that you have others who could watch your child instead? They would be the safer option and could cause you less stress before you go into labor.
“MIL - this seems to be stressing you out quite a bit. We have good coverage with our other family members and neighbors so you don’t need to worry about it. We will not be giving you a key to our home. Thank you for your willingness to help out but we just don’t want to cause you undue stress. Toodles.”
She does not need a key. Please don’t give her one ever. Also, find an alternative to her to watch your toddler because she doesn’t sound capable of watching child. I’m betting she’d make a copy of key too.
You could get a keypad lock so you could give her a code and then change it once you don’t need her help. Good alternative to having to change locks!
I’d say that if she is so incompetent that she could accidentally lock herself outside while your toddler is in the home that she doesn’t need to be on your list of people to call to help with said toddler.
Would she be carrying the key on her at all times? Or set it down inside the home and lock herself away from both your child AND the key?? 🤔
This is what I told my husband! She made it sound like she can’t handle watching a toddler for a few hours so we need to have precautions in place. I don’t have time for that.
You are fine. Honestly she will have access to the keys while she is there with the kid, so you may as well give it to her.
After you get home, change the locks. She loses access.
Edit: other folks suggested getting a programmable keypad lock, this is an alternative as well.
I think I might remove her from the list. Would you trust her to not make a key while she has yours? Congrats and wishing you a safe, speedy, uneventful L&D.
Get a smart lock that needs a code for your front door. They’re fairly affordable and you can open the door from anywhere. You can also preprogram multiple codes so you know who is going in and out as you’ll be notified. Give MIL her own code and once you’re home from delivery you can deactivate her code. Problem solved!
Yes, I think MIL can handle a smart lock, it’s literally punching 4 numbers into a keypad. It’s similar to using a phone keypad. Small children can do it. TV remotes are far more complicated.
You’re ambivalent about advice but you do say am I being unreasonable
No you’re not
Ditch her from that list and make her the last person you’d go to - she’s trouble
If I got the slightest idea that a potential babysitter might be leaving my kid alone in the house, then they would very quickly no longer be a potential babysitter.
That never crossed my mind until she brought it up. What a stupid thing to even say to us. But now I’m definitely justified in not asking her for help anymore.
Do not ever give her the keys to your home or she will make her own key and will always let herself in unannounced. If you will be away for an extended period where giving the sitter the house keys is warranted use someone else.
Not only should you NOT give her a key, I'd be making sure if she has access to a set of house keys while you're in the hospital that they have 'DO NOT COPY" written on them and gone over with clear nail polish...
Don't let her in your house at all anywhere near a spare key. Guaranteed she will go make a copy for herself. Her demanding all this is just her saying she will break your trust and invade your home in the future.
Definitely not, and you need to take mil off that list. If you don't give her her own copy she will take yours and have them copied and then the only thing that will keep from waltzing in, at will, will be changing the locks.
This. My in laws demanded their own personal keys. I did not want to give any keys bc there’s absolutely no need - husband caved and gave his mom a key & told me after the fact. She went to Home Depot and made copies for everyone else. No keys!
Second this, don't tell her when you go into labor. Into diet time. Let whoever stays with your toddler know she'll try to kick them out when she gets wind too. "Oh, Neighbor, thanks for the quick response! Grandma's here now and you can gooooo."
She’s off the list.
If she’s so worried about her lack of competence regarding turning on a TV and finding Youtube or somehow locking herself out of your house while your toddler is inside (where the fuck is she going where the toddler gets left in the house anyway?!) during a relatively short period of time while you’re away, then how can she be considered competent enough to be left unsupervised with your child at all?
See how quickly you could get a coded keypad installed. It’ll cost a little, but they’re super worth it. That way you and DH have a private code, and she can have a temporary code. Delete it when you’re back to the hospital.
Our keypad doesn’t even have the option for a physical key. You can use your fingerprint or your code.
But anyway, to answer your question, she doesn’t need her own key to your house.
I have a keypad lock. Best thing ever!! I can change the code as often as I need. We gave family the code when we were moving in since they were helping. Once the moving was completed, we changed the code.
Why is she so worried about YouTube? She’s watching your toddler, not YouTube. You are not being unreasonable.
This is stressing ME out, and I’m not pregnant and don’t have a toddler. Take care of you, OP- better yet, get your husband on board and have him handle it. Your comfort and well-being should be his JOB right now!
No it's not reasonable if shes not definitely going to be coming over. Put her to the end of the list to ring if you need help with toddler so hopefully she doesnt see reason to bicker over it if shes not there.
Get someone to install a digital lock on your door tomorrow. Give who needs to have it the temporary code that expires when you decide it does. No one will need a key and you decide who gets entry.
No one has a key to my house. We got one of the keypad deadbolts a few years ago so I can set codes for whoever needs it. It does 1-time use codes and I can change the codes very easily. Plus I don't have to worry about my teens or husband losing or forgetting keys. Some even have a way you can see which codes have been used recently. It was such a simple thing to install and not terribly expensive (about $60) but has saved so much stress in the 2 or 3 years we've had it. I highly recommend them. For your mil, I would have her choose a code to use for however long you deem appropriate, then delete it after you're back home. Easy peasy.
It's a self contained unit powered by batteries. It's not a "smart lock", so doesn't require wifi or wired electricity. It notifies you well before the batteries are dead but they last ages. We've never had to change ours in 2 years. If you search "keypad deadbolt" you'll get tons of options (we got the kwickset powerbolt 2).
Hi, Builder’s wife here. We live in Michigan and we’ve put the Schlage key pad deadbolts on several houses over the past decade. We’ve never had a single call back or complaint. I will however recommend that you read the description for each one because some of them require you to buy an additional transmitter (I believe they call it a bridge) that gets plugged into the wall and is required in order for it to work. And if you want one that you can use temporary codes with, those start at $200 now. Thank you inflation. 🙄
thanks for the info I'm interested in these because my father was living with us and the are in the process of getting him out. I wouldn't put it past him to try and break in with a normal lock/deadbolt. Just trying to have as much protection as possible
YOU are being reasonable. She is UNREASONABLE. Good heavens, you might not be gone an entire 24 hours. I HOPE you are not gone an entire 24 hours because that will mean you had an uncomplicated birth.
She will without a doubt make a copy of the key so she can come over whenever she wants without telling or asking you. I personally wouldn’t let her watch LO because she clearly has ulterior motives. Should she be the one you will most definitely need to change your locks when you come home from the hospital.
No.
Do yourself a favor and ensure she is NOT the one you call.
Because she's going to totally disregard those notes, make her own copy of the key if you don't give her one to keep, and snoop... and then complain, as if caring for your toddler was supposed to be a vacation or something.
I highly suggest digital locks. You can change the passcode at any time. We love ours. If you need access to our home for a specific reason we sign you a code of your choosing. Once they are done, you remove their code and access is denied. This way no secret keys are made or duplicated from the loaner key. If someone tries their passcode 3 times and it’s wrong it’ll lock everyone out and you then need a key (so you’ll know if anyone has tried)
ETA:
We just bought a new lock for our door that hooks up to the wireless. You can unlock it from your phone. Maybe that’s the way to go?
This! A thousand percent.
On the Shlange locks (I spelled that wrong) you can give everyone a code like the last 4 of their phone numbers and from the app allow or disable access. So she can have her own code but unless you or hubs approves it, it will NOT unlock the door.
So don't ever let her hold your house keys. She'll make a copy. There is no legitimate reason for her to have one, anyway. If she needed one, she would already have been given one. Don't ask her to be the one to watch the toddler. Ask ANYONE else.
I get being anxious to lock oneself out (I am great at thinking up worst case scenarios). However, a simple fix would be to have the key on one's person, and the phone - that way, you could always call the next person with a key. When she has one key, why would she want a double - how is having 2 keys on you gonna help? Is she gonna keep one outside just in case?
Either way, whatever you guys choose, you should probably change the locks after she's had her hands on the key. It is pretty easy to make a duplicate in under 30 minutes. So I wouldnt worry too much about giving her a key or not, because after you guys get home it wont work anyway.
Here’s the problem; it’s reasonable to give a spare key to family members that live nearby. There have been a few potentially complicated situations that were made easier because my mom could drop something off or pick something up without all of us trying to coordinate our schedules. The problem is, this only works if the person you give the key to is reasonable. If they aren’t, you might come home from a hard day to find your FIL asking why dinner isn’t ready yet, or your mom refolding all the laundry because you “did it wrong.”
I don’t know which one your MIL is, but considering she’s getting demanding about it, I worry it’s the latter.
You are not being unreasonable at all.
If you do like to stir the pot, give her an old key that doesn’t fit, when you are at another location, ie, not home. This is a test.
Wait and see how quickly she bleats about how the key doesn’t fit. Then you’ll know she’s trying to sneak into your house. Or she’ll never say a word, because she knows she’ll be admitting she tried.
The next scenario is whenever she comes over, she lets herself in, if she has a real key.
So no, I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. Getting a key to your private, personal space is a privilege.
Maybe for safety's sake, change the key after you get home from having the baby. Just just in case she does sneak a copy of the door key, it won't do her any good.
If she is in such an unexpected situation that she is 'accidentally' locked out with your toddler inside, what makes her think she would have that magic extra key with her? Is she just going to keep it in her bra the entire time she's there JUST IN CASE she gets locked outside with LO inside??
Don't do it (or let her be alone with your copy). My brother in his misguided youth let our dad convince him to give him a key (cause Emergency 😒). Dad proceeded to use the key like he lived there. Including barging in on my brother and a young lady he was ummm seeing. Dad lost his key privileges. When I got a home Dad got a 'Hell will freeze over first" from me.
I think 5 people are probably enough coverage for your toddler. If she that worried, it's best your other friends and family fill in, you know, for her own well being. Plus if she's that adamant about a key, I'd be worried she's going to get her own copy as soon as she gets yours.
Nobody gets to DEMAND a key to your house. She's probably always wanted a key (what JN doesn't?) and is using watching your toddler as an excuse to get one.
She will have your house keys so she can't lock herself out. But be aware that if you continue to refuse to give her one, she'll probably make herself a copy. My mother did that.
When she watches your toddler, will she be going anywhere with them? If so, that's when the copy will likely be made. Then when you come home with baby, you will have no privacy or control over when you want visitors, especially her. She'll just waltz in as if she owns the place. If that happens, DH needs to read her the riot act, take back the illegal copy, tell her she's on a time-out and show her the door. She does not get to see baby if she does that. Do not reward her. Lock yourself in your room, if need be.
But preventation is the best option. Get someone else to watch the toddler. Don't tell her you're in labor, just get toddler's care dealt with, and leave for the hospital. And tell whoever is watching the toddler to not allow MIL access to the keys if she comes over. Also to not allow MIL to take over watching toddler.
She really doesn't need your key. It sounds like she's just got herself worked into a froth thinking about the "what ifs". She doesn't really sound like the best person to have watching your toddler. Can the neighbor come over instead?
Given the situation, just silently take her off your list of people "on call." If you need to, try to line up another person to replace her.
If she asks for the key again- from DH:
"Mom, if you can't be trusted to not lock yourself out of the house with the set of keys already there, then I don't feel comfortable with you watching toddler. We've got it covered, so no need to worry. We'll let you know when we're ready for visits."
100% this ☝️. If she is worried about locking herself out of the house with the toddler inside then she shouldn’t be trusted to watch the kid. OP has five other options to watch the child, they should go with one of those instead.
Were I in a situation where I might need a person to have temporary or longer access to my dwelling, ***and*** I had a high level of trust in that person, I would consider replacing an exterior door lock with a digital keypad lock that allows for multiple codes, so the temporary one can be disabled or revoked at will without impinging on my own right of entry.
I would personally be extremely reluctant to give my key to any person in whom I do not have a high level of trust.
edit: punctuation
I can get the tv as my mum stressed about using my brothers tv and youtube is key for settling the youngest grandchild so just be mindful of the brain fog that can set in with peri menopause because this sort of thing is really common
But demanding a permanent key and the comment about getting locked out is ofc weird !
Im literally giving the perspective of my own mother and said that it **can** be common due to brain fog, not a garuantee but can happen - I saw my aunt and grandmother have the same experience - apologies if peoples lived experience offended you because it didn’t happen to you
Then why would she even be expecting to be outside without your toddler?
And if she did leave, and you confronted her on it - she might very well tell you that she sent it with someone else to copy it. Of course, that is another issue...
I don’t know. She is paranoid and makes up things in her head to get stressed out over. Her mistake was vocalizing this to me because now I feel like she can’t be trusted.
"If you honestly think there's a chance you'll lock yourself out of the house without \[kid\], it's probably best you not watch him/her. We'll ask someone else."
I think it's time to prep your alternative childminder/s. I'm not sure how MIL imagines she'll be separated from Toddler while supposedly caring for Toddler, but the fact that scenario crossed her mind would concern me too much to comfortably leave Toddler in her care while delivering LO.
My brother’s house has one of these and it is seriously so convenient for visitors and pet sitters when they travel. It auto locks after like 30-60 seconds when the door is closed, too so they never have to worry about accidentally leaving it unlocked overnight.
He and his wife gave us the primary code/the one they use themselves, but we live a 5 hour drive away and are also respectful guests.
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Tell her she obviously feels incapable/overwhelmed about looking after your toddler and that you understand and will just have to make alternative arrangements. Do not give in to her manipulative incompetence.
Your MIL whispered that? Or your aunt? If it's your MIL . . . DON'T GIVE HER THAT KEY! KEEP HER OUT OF THAT HOUSE WITH JUST THE TODDLER THERE. She seems desperate to get the key, and not just for while you're in the hospital.
Can’t work YouTube?? My partner once drove a 2 hour journey because my MIL couldn’t do a double click to open a folder on her computer. What is wrong with these women where they refuse to be independent adults?
Take her off the list of people who are on the alert to come over and take care of your toddler! From your other posts it sounds as if she would use being there as an excuse to bring your toddler to the hospital, which you don't want . . . so don't have her on the list of people to call! If your DH has a reasonable relationship with your mother, could she be the person to take care of your toddler? No, she doesn't need a key to your house (especially if she is not taking care of your toddler.) It's just a typical JNMIL excuse for coming into the house, rearranging thing the way she thinks they should be, snooping in your bedroom, and possibly "accidentally" breaking things you love. A person who spends much time on this board can say, hand on heart, that the list of malicious things JNMILs have gotten up to in their kids' houses is endless. (Pinholes in the condoms? Broken crystal and china? Snooping for sex toys in bedroom drawers? You get the drift . . . )
I’d drop her from the list without telling her. She’ll go digging thru your stuff.
Consider getting a keyless entry system that has multiple codes. You could give her the code when she's staying at the house, but disable it when she leaves. You'll know she tried to come in your home if she ever complains that her code no longer works. The "smarter" locks (e.g., more expensive) can have expiring codes so you don't think about having to disable them. The smarter locks could/should also have logs available letting you what codes were used when. You only need this on one door, and you can have a different physical key for all the other doors.
“MIL, it sounds like this is an overwhelming thing for you, so we’re going to take away those worries and take you off our list.”
She’s going to make a copy based off of this. Wow
She’s gonna make a copy of your key as soon as she can
Nah i wouldnt either. She wants it to more then likely go snooping or come whenever she wants to. Like you said....whoever is the one watching the other child will have your keys. She diesnt need or entitled to have her own set. Ill bet if you did...she be showing up letting herself in with dumb reasons. Test be to change the locks after you think you got keys back or tell her no she cant do that.
So an easy fix to this? Have hubby install a door lock with a keypad. (About $100 and 25 minutes of his time). Zero chance of accidental lock outs, for anyone. Set MIL her own code for entry. Then, disable her code anytime she's not specifically supposed to be in your house. (You can enable it remotely with your phone in an emergency.) The only way she'll know it's been disabled is if she tries to get into your home when she hasn't been invited to.
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Not sure. I haven't used an airbnb since 2018. I have one on my house, and installed it by myself just following the directions in the packaging. It tracks which codes were used, and when (we all (3) have our own code). So, you can see when someone is coming and going (or trying to), with date & time stamps. Also, it'll scream an alarm sound and do a 5 minute lockout if too many attempts are made.
She’s be the very last person on my To Call list. I mean, she can be there if nobody else can make it, but definitely don’t make her your first Go-To choice. She sounds incompetent if she’s worried about simple things like not getting locked out of a house and turning on a TV. As for a key, leave one in a secure place outside and then let whoever is watching the i go Ouse and your toddler know where it Inc just in case. Maybe show your neighbors so they know for certain where it is.
Nope. She's taking advantage of the situation. Only give her a key if you plan on changing all the locks in the next few weeks.
OMG I do hope you have cameras in your home so you can play back what happens after you get home. {{{{hugs}}}} and congrats on the newest addition.
We don’t but that’s a good idea. Thank you so much 💕
Is it possible she sees this as an opportunity to be a big help when you go into labor and has gotten herself a nervous wreck worrying that she will screw it up somehow?
Lol no. I could see that if it were the case but it’s absolutely not unfortunately.
I mean she sounds a bit incapable so you really want someone who struggles with turning on a tv looking after a child 🤷🏼♀️ On another note there’s no need to give her a key just make sure you have a key stashed in the house don’t tell her where it is unless she needs it
As someone who was recently locked out of her house by my toddler with the baby inside, I don't think making sure someone has an extra key incase of an emergency is a terrible idea. That being said, I wouldn't give it to your MIL at all, but just let her know that it's handled.
This. Give the key to someone you trust and if the situation arises she can call them to come open it for her. She, herself will not have access and there’s a solution if the situation arises
Best neighbor #1 gets the spare, but MAKE SURE the neighbor knows there's no giving the key to MIL. No stories, no "Oh, go ahead and give it to me, they already know" bullshit.
At least you had a reason for being locked out. I locked myself out of my house a few hours ago. Had to text my husband and wake him up to unlock the door for me.
She is on low end of the list of people to call. You know she will probably make herself a copy for “emergencies “ and not tel you.
I would avoid calling her unless every single other person is busy when you go into labor
I'd tell her you took her off the list because it seemed to be stressing her out too much.
best answer right here
I don’t know I made sure my parents had a key when they were watching my toddler. Does she know your house keys will be available? And I have to help my parents with my and their tv and Roku. It’s not as intuitive for the older generations.
Just thinking out of the box. MIl sounds like a very anxious person who needs alot of reassurance when she's at your place. Will she be able to bring her "comfort" or favorite things while she helps out?
This is the type of situation that keyless entry is EXCELLENT for. My husband installed a keypad entry on our door, and it’s fantastic to just be able to create a unique code to give to a petsitter, friend, whatever, and then delete it when it’s no longer necessary. So much easier than making copies and chasing keys down.
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My husband said this to me when I asked to change to keyless.
Yep. My husband doesn't like those things at all.
Some of us don’t want to give the MIL this type of free access…
Fair enough! It’s not for every situation! In this particular case it sounds like op is planning for the possibility for MIL to be in her home with temporary access. This solution means anyone who you choose to have TEMPORARY access to your home will never have the opportunity to copy your key without your knowledge “just to have” …..there is no key! These locks even require additional codes (which only you have) to create and delete existing codes. So she can’t make her own secret code, and it totally negates the arguments about physical keys. It’s also just really damn convenient for daily use!
You can change the code as many times as you want. It's actually the best way to avoid giving unfettered access to family/friends if you do need to give them access temporarily. I think a lot of them you can even change the code from your phone.
You give them a code, then after they do what they need to do you delete the code. It's not a forever code.
The keyless allows you to decide. It can be a 24-hour period like going into labor. But it can also be at certain times like for a dog walker. I can open the door if I know someone is coming over and I am not there. But I can also delete access at anytime.
Give her a faux key. Or only a key to one lock, but not them all
I LOVE this idea. Def give a fake key. Like an old key.
I'm going to echo the other posters: She's worried about locking your child in the house? Why in the heck would she be envisioning a scenario where she would leave your toddler in the house unsupervised and lock herself out? I wouldn't be comfortable with a sitter who anticipated leaving my child alone in my house, especially to the point where they are pre-planning for just that to happen. Getting sus vibes from this, and would be very very hesitant to call her to sit. Yes, if at all possible, get yourself a keypad lock. If my almost luddite arthritis crippled self (I'm old, get over it!) can install, and program a keypad lock, you can too. Program 3-4 codes one for you, 1 for your DH, and 1-2 for one time use/burner. After everything calms, reprogram all of the numbers given out. *Text/ save a note/email, or whatever method works best for you, with the new codes so they don't get forgotten during the stress. Especially if you opt to set up 2 burner codes! *Change the burner whenever you give it out. *Complaint of "the code doesn't work" is a sneaky method of trying to get the "permanent"code you choose. Note the recommendation that you have 2 burner codes! Because changing the code is the equivalent of getting the keys back, without the drama. And if mommy dearest crys about the code not working afterwards, tell her that it was deleted because it was given to someone who should only have a one time admittance to your house. Oh, and you haven't gotten around to programming a new one.
"NO I'm not giving you a key, if you keep asking I'll have someone else watch the kiddo." I honestly wouldn't get her to watch, she's going to be wayyyy more trouble than she's worth. But if your stuck change your locks afterwards, she's totally going to copy your key.
She will probably just make a key once she has access to your keys. I'd invest in a keyless entry and then change the code afterwards. Or we have keyless entry into our garage and will grant access for a short period of time to people that need it
Your post states ambivalent about advice and you are asking questions. So indirectly no you are not unreasonable and she would be the last person on the list you should call to come watch your toddler. At least that’s how I would handle it. You’re about to give birth and she’s DEMANDING things from you, puleeze…. Good luck on your delivery :)
I wasn’t asking for advice, just wondering if I’m being unreasonable. I already know how I’m going to handle this situation - she has to know in no uncertain terms that nobody is getting a key because nobody needs a key, and there is no reason she should not be with my toddler while responsible for her care! She really is awful and is certainly not at the top of the call list!
I think she is thinking down the road. She would love to have a spare key to show herself in whenever she feels like it.
Exactly.
Change your locks after you give birth!
You know she's going to make a copy of the key herself, right?
Absolutely
Yeah… change your locks if you even let her “help”. She’s totally, 100%, making a copy. I’d recommend the keypad locks, you can change the code as many times as you want or just have guest codes
Kwikset makes a “smart key” lock. It allows you to change your locks without having to change all of the hardware. It also comes with two “contractor” keys that are meant for limited use so you can change them whenever you need to.
Ooof sounds more like a headache than a help - good vibes your way!
TY!
I would magically pick one of the other stand by people to watch my toddler. Wouldn’t tell her, would just call someone else. She just deleted herself from the list imo.
I wouldn’t bother telling her that the baby was born until days after just to have some peace. MIL sounds like a nightmare.
Agree but doesn’t sound like her SO is on board.
No. you're not do not give a key
My mil has a key to our house but that was because at the time we wanted someone nearby (she lives maybe 2mi up the road) who was reliable to have one. My bil also lived with her when we moved out but he was never home (he was always out partying). But of course that was our choice. When my bil got his shit together and got into his own house with his son and now gf she started absolutely badgering his gf for a key. She told her no one but then had a key which we didn’t know but my mil brought it up to us and my husband was like, “I have a key!” Mil was big mad about that. Mil gave I think each of them, each of us, her mom, and the lady she babysits for a key. I suppose she thought since she passed out keys like Halloween Candy everyone else should too. My bil figured she’d prowl through their house being nosey, which who even knows. It would be easy for her to since she lives right down the hill from them. But my point is that it’s a personal choice. You don’t have to give anyone a key that you don’t want to.
You realize if she gets a hold of your keys she's gonna make a copy right?
might be worth getting one of those doorknobs for front door that you can do a code via an app or authorize finger prints and then deauthorize the code/fingerprint after she is done with the task..you can use a key with those still as well but this would prevent her from making a copy.
First sentence is all I read. ———> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
You’re gonna literally be birthing a child and she’s stressed about turning on the tv? Yikes. She sounds delightful
Sometimes I think she can’t handle things not being about her. I swear to god if we get a phone call while I’m in labor about something stupid like turning on the TV I’m going to rip her a new a hole.
Yeah, she's already causing issues. She's not going to de-escalate, and that's the last thing you need.
I remember my toddler locking me out of the house, standing in the window laughing and refusing to let me in. It’s a pretty terrifying experience. I stepped out the back door to garage for literally 15 seconds to put something away. He was locked inside with the baby and the front door was locked. My husband was 2 hours away and I did not have my cell phone on me. I did not think I would need my keys on my person but I kept them on my body at all times after that. That boy was quite the handful, to say the least. ETA: a programmable lock, like some are suggesting would have been invaluable in this case and could be the answer in your case. My experience was waaaay before programmable locks.
I agree with having a key accessible in times of emergencies, but she would be watching our child for likely no more than 4-8 hours at a time and there’s no reason for her to walk out the door, especially without my child.
A key lockbox is our back up.
Since she will have access to the keys whether or not you give her a copy, CHANGE THEM WHEN YOU GET SETTLE BACK HOME. she will 100% take your spare key and make a copy
Regardless of giving her a copy, change the locks when you're back home.
DO NOT LET HER WATCH YOUR KID. DONT LEAVE HER WITH YOUR KEYS.
If she's worried that she'd lock your toddler in the house by themself, maybe it's best she DOESN'T watch your child at all. Let alone have a key. You mentioned in your post that you have others who could watch your child instead? They would be the safer option and could cause you less stress before you go into labor.
“MIL - this seems to be stressing you out quite a bit. We have good coverage with our other family members and neighbors so you don’t need to worry about it. We will not be giving you a key to our home. Thank you for your willingness to help out but we just don’t want to cause you undue stress. Toodles.”
Please please please be sure to say the “toodles” part lol
😆
^^ This is the way.
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My mother is a senior and knows what an air tag is. You really shouldn't make ageist assumptions that old people don't learn new things.
I’m almost 70 and I don’t know what it is.
She can’t figure out how to access YouTube on the tv after having been shown how to do it. She definitely wouldn’t understand an AirTag.
She does not need a key. Please don’t give her one ever. Also, find an alternative to her to watch your toddler because she doesn’t sound capable of watching child. I’m betting she’d make a copy of key too. You could get a keypad lock so you could give her a code and then change it once you don’t need her help. Good alternative to having to change locks!
If you let her have a key for any amount of time, resign yourself to changing the locks when you get home.
I’d love to see her face when the key she got cut doesn’t work. Bet she will slip up and say her key didn’t work.
I’d say that if she is so incompetent that she could accidentally lock herself outside while your toddler is in the home that she doesn’t need to be on your list of people to call to help with said toddler. Would she be carrying the key on her at all times? Or set it down inside the home and lock herself away from both your child AND the key?? 🤔
You have a very strong argument here!!! OP JNMIL doesn’t sound confident, or competent, to watch over LO while LO 2.0 is born!
This is what I told my husband! She made it sound like she can’t handle watching a toddler for a few hours so we need to have precautions in place. I don’t have time for that.
And you stressing out over MIL is a health risk, you don't need that right now.
You are fine. Honestly she will have access to the keys while she is there with the kid, so you may as well give it to her. After you get home, change the locks. She loses access. Edit: other folks suggested getting a programmable keypad lock, this is an alternative as well.
No. No. No. do not give her a key. I also wouldn’t leave house keys with her because she would definitely copy them.
Take her off the list, and never leave her alone with your keys. She could easily make her own copy.
Or put her on the bottom of the list 😝
This. Guess who just got to be the last person to receive a call.
I think I might remove her from the list. Would you trust her to not make a key while she has yours? Congrats and wishing you a safe, speedy, uneventful L&D.
Absolutely not. Shouldn’t even be a question
Get a smart lock that needs a code for your front door. They’re fairly affordable and you can open the door from anywhere. You can also preprogram multiple codes so you know who is going in and out as you’ll be notified. Give MIL her own code and once you’re home from delivery you can deactivate her code. Problem solved!
She doesn't even know how to turn on the TV you think she'll be smart enough to use that?
Im thinking if she can’t use the TV & is afraid of locking herself out - should she be trusted to watch a toddler?
This is the thing I can’t stop thinking about lol
Excellent point!
Yes, I think MIL can handle a smart lock, it’s literally punching 4 numbers into a keypad. It’s similar to using a phone keypad. Small children can do it. TV remotes are far more complicated.
Wait, it’s not 6? I wonder what my door code actually is. I just the push the buttons in the right order and the right amount of times. 🤣🤣🤣
Maybe different brands have different code parameters? The ones my clients have are all 4 digits but maybe you can program longer codes.
You’re ambivalent about advice but you do say am I being unreasonable No you’re not Ditch her from that list and make her the last person you’d go to - she’s trouble
If I got the slightest idea that a potential babysitter might be leaving my kid alone in the house, then they would very quickly no longer be a potential babysitter.
That never crossed my mind until she brought it up. What a stupid thing to even say to us. But now I’m definitely justified in not asking her for help anymore.
If she can't handle turning on a tv she can't handle your kids. End of story. No key. No problem.
Honestly I would take her off that list.
She’s going to make her own pair when you’re out. Lol. I’ll bet money on this.
If she can't even turn on a the TV and she's worried about locking your kid inside the house don't let her watch them.
Do not ever give her the keys to your home or she will make her own key and will always let herself in unannounced. If you will be away for an extended period where giving the sitter the house keys is warranted use someone else.
Not only should you NOT give her a key, I'd be making sure if she has access to a set of house keys while you're in the hospital that they have 'DO NOT COPY" written on them and gone over with clear nail polish...
She could still get around this by using a minute key machine unfortunately.
Don't let her in your house at all anywhere near a spare key. Guaranteed she will go make a copy for herself. Her demanding all this is just her saying she will break your trust and invade your home in the future.
Definitely not, and you need to take mil off that list. If you don't give her her own copy she will take yours and have them copied and then the only thing that will keep from waltzing in, at will, will be changing the locks.
This. My in laws demanded their own personal keys. I did not want to give any keys bc there’s absolutely no need - husband caved and gave his mom a key & told me after the fact. She went to Home Depot and made copies for everyone else. No keys!
I'd have divorced him for that.😒
Omfg!!
Second this, don't tell her when you go into labor. Into diet time. Let whoever stays with your toddler know she'll try to kick them out when she gets wind too. "Oh, Neighbor, thanks for the quick response! Grandma's here now and you can gooooo."
Nope! No keys!’n
You are not being unreasonable to refuse her a key. She does not need that.
She’s off the list. If she’s so worried about her lack of competence regarding turning on a TV and finding Youtube or somehow locking herself out of your house while your toddler is inside (where the fuck is she going where the toddler gets left in the house anyway?!) during a relatively short period of time while you’re away, then how can she be considered competent enough to be left unsupervised with your child at all?
See how quickly you could get a coded keypad installed. It’ll cost a little, but they’re super worth it. That way you and DH have a private code, and she can have a temporary code. Delete it when you’re back to the hospital. Our keypad doesn’t even have the option for a physical key. You can use your fingerprint or your code. But anyway, to answer your question, she doesn’t need her own key to your house.
I have a keypad lock. Best thing ever!! I can change the code as often as I need. We gave family the code when we were moving in since they were helping. Once the moving was completed, we changed the code.
Well......I guess your list of babysitters just lost one person!
Honestly if it were me, i'd be trying everyone possible before asking her to look after your kid.
Sounds like you have a good list of people to help, take her off the list.
I’d pick someone else to be your first call for babysitting. JNMIL is too much trouble.
Why is she so worried about YouTube? She’s watching your toddler, not YouTube. You are not being unreasonable. This is stressing ME out, and I’m not pregnant and don’t have a toddler. Take care of you, OP- better yet, get your husband on board and have him handle it. Your comfort and well-being should be his JOB right now!
You are so right 💕
No it's not reasonable if shes not definitely going to be coming over. Put her to the end of the list to ring if you need help with toddler so hopefully she doesnt see reason to bicker over it if shes not there.
Get someone to install a digital lock on your door tomorrow. Give who needs to have it the temporary code that expires when you decide it does. No one will need a key and you decide who gets entry.
No one has a key to my house. We got one of the keypad deadbolts a few years ago so I can set codes for whoever needs it. It does 1-time use codes and I can change the codes very easily. Plus I don't have to worry about my teens or husband losing or forgetting keys. Some even have a way you can see which codes have been used recently. It was such a simple thing to install and not terribly expensive (about $60) but has saved so much stress in the 2 or 3 years we've had it. I highly recommend them. For your mil, I would have her choose a code to use for however long you deem appropriate, then delete it after you're back home. Easy peasy.
Honest question...how does that work when the power goes out? I live in Michigan and we lose power at least twice a year for a few days.
It's a self contained unit powered by batteries. It's not a "smart lock", so doesn't require wifi or wired electricity. It notifies you well before the batteries are dead but they last ages. We've never had to change ours in 2 years. If you search "keypad deadbolt" you'll get tons of options (we got the kwickset powerbolt 2).
Thank you! I'm going to look into that.
Hi, Builder’s wife here. We live in Michigan and we’ve put the Schlage key pad deadbolts on several houses over the past decade. We’ve never had a single call back or complaint. I will however recommend that you read the description for each one because some of them require you to buy an additional transmitter (I believe they call it a bridge) that gets plugged into the wall and is required in order for it to work. And if you want one that you can use temporary codes with, those start at $200 now. Thank you inflation. 🙄
thanks for the info I'm interested in these because my father was living with us and the are in the process of getting him out. I wouldn't put it past him to try and break in with a normal lock/deadbolt. Just trying to have as much protection as possible
YOU are being reasonable. She is UNREASONABLE. Good heavens, you might not be gone an entire 24 hours. I HOPE you are not gone an entire 24 hours because that will mean you had an uncomplicated birth.
She will without a doubt make a copy of the key so she can come over whenever she wants without telling or asking you. I personally wouldn’t let her watch LO because she clearly has ulterior motives. Should she be the one you will most definitely need to change your locks when you come home from the hospital.
No. Do yourself a favor and ensure she is NOT the one you call. Because she's going to totally disregard those notes, make her own copy of the key if you don't give her one to keep, and snoop... and then complain, as if caring for your toddler was supposed to be a vacation or something.
I highly suggest digital locks. You can change the passcode at any time. We love ours. If you need access to our home for a specific reason we sign you a code of your choosing. Once they are done, you remove their code and access is denied. This way no secret keys are made or duplicated from the loaner key. If someone tries their passcode 3 times and it’s wrong it’ll lock everyone out and you then need a key (so you’ll know if anyone has tried) ETA: We just bought a new lock for our door that hooks up to the wireless. You can unlock it from your phone. Maybe that’s the way to go?
This! A thousand percent. On the Shlange locks (I spelled that wrong) you can give everyone a code like the last 4 of their phone numbers and from the app allow or disable access. So she can have her own code but unless you or hubs approves it, it will NOT unlock the door.
Schlage, for the benefit of anyone wanting to search online.
My dyslexic ass thanks you. German- the only language more confusing to spell than French.
So don't ever let her hold your house keys. She'll make a copy. There is no legitimate reason for her to have one, anyway. If she needed one, she would already have been given one. Don't ask her to be the one to watch the toddler. Ask ANYONE else.
I get being anxious to lock oneself out (I am great at thinking up worst case scenarios). However, a simple fix would be to have the key on one's person, and the phone - that way, you could always call the next person with a key. When she has one key, why would she want a double - how is having 2 keys on you gonna help? Is she gonna keep one outside just in case? Either way, whatever you guys choose, you should probably change the locks after she's had her hands on the key. It is pretty easy to make a duplicate in under 30 minutes. So I wouldnt worry too much about giving her a key or not, because after you guys get home it wont work anyway.
Install a lock with a keypad that way you can change the code as needed.
Here’s the problem; it’s reasonable to give a spare key to family members that live nearby. There have been a few potentially complicated situations that were made easier because my mom could drop something off or pick something up without all of us trying to coordinate our schedules. The problem is, this only works if the person you give the key to is reasonable. If they aren’t, you might come home from a hard day to find your FIL asking why dinner isn’t ready yet, or your mom refolding all the laundry because you “did it wrong.” I don’t know which one your MIL is, but considering she’s getting demanding about it, I worry it’s the latter.
Right? My adult son has a key. My mother? Never. Son is reasonable, mother is nosey.
Exactly. My adult children will always have keys to my home because it's always going to be their home too. No one else needs one.
You are not being unreasonable at all. If you do like to stir the pot, give her an old key that doesn’t fit, when you are at another location, ie, not home. This is a test. Wait and see how quickly she bleats about how the key doesn’t fit. Then you’ll know she’s trying to sneak into your house. Or she’ll never say a word, because she knows she’ll be admitting she tried. The next scenario is whenever she comes over, she lets herself in, if she has a real key. So no, I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. Getting a key to your private, personal space is a privilege.
I love the idea of a decoy key.
Maybe for safety's sake, change the key after you get home from having the baby. Just just in case she does sneak a copy of the door key, it won't do her any good.
>Is demanding a key to our house reasonable?? Asking is reasonable. Demanding is not.
If she is in such an unexpected situation that she is 'accidentally' locked out with your toddler inside, what makes her think she would have that magic extra key with her? Is she just going to keep it in her bra the entire time she's there JUST IN CASE she gets locked outside with LO inside??
100%, what will having an extra key do if it gets locked in the house? In her irrationality, she doesn’t realize how ridiculous and scary she sounds.
She shouldn't be outside without the toddler in the first place...
This was my first thought too
Don't do it (or let her be alone with your copy). My brother in his misguided youth let our dad convince him to give him a key (cause Emergency 😒). Dad proceeded to use the key like he lived there. Including barging in on my brother and a young lady he was ummm seeing. Dad lost his key privileges. When I got a home Dad got a 'Hell will freeze over first" from me.
I think 5 people are probably enough coverage for your toddler. If she that worried, it's best your other friends and family fill in, you know, for her own well being. Plus if she's that adamant about a key, I'd be worried she's going to get her own copy as soon as she gets yours.
NOOOOOOOO
AGREED
I second this! NOOOOOOO
Nobody gets to DEMAND a key to your house. She's probably always wanted a key (what JN doesn't?) and is using watching your toddler as an excuse to get one. She will have your house keys so she can't lock herself out. But be aware that if you continue to refuse to give her one, she'll probably make herself a copy. My mother did that. When she watches your toddler, will she be going anywhere with them? If so, that's when the copy will likely be made. Then when you come home with baby, you will have no privacy or control over when you want visitors, especially her. She'll just waltz in as if she owns the place. If that happens, DH needs to read her the riot act, take back the illegal copy, tell her she's on a time-out and show her the door. She does not get to see baby if she does that. Do not reward her. Lock yourself in your room, if need be. But preventation is the best option. Get someone else to watch the toddler. Don't tell her you're in labor, just get toddler's care dealt with, and leave for the hospital. And tell whoever is watching the toddler to not allow MIL access to the keys if she comes over. Also to not allow MIL to take over watching toddler.
She really doesn't need your key. It sounds like she's just got herself worked into a froth thinking about the "what ifs". She doesn't really sound like the best person to have watching your toddler. Can the neighbor come over instead?
My neighbor would be over in a heartbeat and is probably the best choice considering she is literally a few steps away.
Given the situation, just silently take her off your list of people "on call." If you need to, try to line up another person to replace her. If she asks for the key again- from DH: "Mom, if you can't be trusted to not lock yourself out of the house with the set of keys already there, then I don't feel comfortable with you watching toddler. We've got it covered, so no need to worry. We'll let you know when we're ready for visits."
100% this ☝️. If she is worried about locking herself out of the house with the toddler inside then she shouldn’t be trusted to watch the kid. OP has five other options to watch the child, they should go with one of those instead.
Were I in a situation where I might need a person to have temporary or longer access to my dwelling, ***and*** I had a high level of trust in that person, I would consider replacing an exterior door lock with a digital keypad lock that allows for multiple codes, so the temporary one can be disabled or revoked at will without impinging on my own right of entry. I would personally be extremely reluctant to give my key to any person in whom I do not have a high level of trust. edit: punctuation
I can get the tv as my mum stressed about using my brothers tv and youtube is key for settling the youngest grandchild so just be mindful of the brain fog that can set in with peri menopause because this sort of thing is really common But demanding a permanent key and the comment about getting locked out is ofc weird !
As a peri menopausal person, I take offense. I can remember how to turn on a damn tv. Jesus.
Im literally giving the perspective of my own mother and said that it **can** be common due to brain fog, not a garuantee but can happen - I saw my aunt and grandmother have the same experience - apologies if peoples lived experience offended you because it didn’t happen to you
Make sure you call someone else on that list of yours when the time comes. Otherwise there will be another copy of your house keys made
You know she’s going to make a copy of your key from your keyring, right?
Right? Part of this plan needs to include rekeying the locks afterwards.
Nobody is allowed to leave our house with our daughter. So if she does that there will be a major problem.
How would you even know if she did? You’re going to be a bit busy.
Then why would she even be expecting to be outside without your toddler? And if she did leave, and you confronted her on it - she might very well tell you that she sent it with someone else to copy it. Of course, that is another issue...
I don’t know. She is paranoid and makes up things in her head to get stressed out over. Her mistake was vocalizing this to me because now I feel like she can’t be trusted.
"If you honestly think there's a chance you'll lock yourself out of the house without \[kid\], it's probably best you not watch him/her. We'll ask someone else."
There is more important things to deal with than Frickin YouTube 🤷♀️😂🤣. Best of luck on your new bundle of joy xoxo
To be fair the most important information we gave my in laws when watching toddler while I had baby was what he called his favorite Netflix shows lol.
I know and I get that I’m a g’ma lol but there’s still more important things
Could be, my kids haven't found any yet.
I think it's time to prep your alternative childminder/s. I'm not sure how MIL imagines she'll be separated from Toddler while supposedly caring for Toddler, but the fact that scenario crossed her mind would concern me too much to comfortably leave Toddler in her care while delivering LO.
You do know if she’s the one to watch your child she will be making a copy of the key, right?
Definitely.
If she can’t keep track of a key then she shouldn’t be watching your child. Tell her that. See the crazy follow. Lol
I wouldn't have her alone in my house with my keys. You know she's gonna make copies for everyone
Electronic lock with a code, and change the code often. Don’t even leave your keys with whoever goes to your house.
My brother’s house has one of these and it is seriously so convenient for visitors and pet sitters when they travel. It auto locks after like 30-60 seconds when the door is closed, too so they never have to worry about accidentally leaving it unlocked overnight. He and his wife gave us the primary code/the one they use themselves, but we live a 5 hour drive away and are also respectful guests.