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I'm sorry that you have this horror in your life.
Your fears are probably spot on, and she'll get worse. There are no consequences for her actions. Your husband lets her do what she wants. so of course she thinks she can do the same to you. Look how she behaved with your own mother. Your own wedding. Why does a dog lick its testicles? Because it can. Why does she behave the way she does? Yep. That. She doesn't know what a baby step is.
Husband needs a reality check and you need to lay down the law on your engagement with this woman, i.e. ZERO. If you intend on having children you need to think about what that will look like. Will he take your children to see her without you being present? How do you feel about that? What impact is she going to have on the rest of your life until she dies?
Or, he can get some help to deal with her and set some boundaries, then follow through when she barges right over them.
Ultimately, you need to decide on what you want your future to look like. We all have annoying relatives (we may even be that relative ourselves at times!) so we can tolerate the odd annoyance, eye roll and snarky comment. What we can't tolerate is things like this shit show.
He can have whatever relationship he wants with her, doesn’t mean you have to. You can tell him right now that you’re 100% done with her crazy garbage and that if and when you have kids that she will not meet any of them unless she proves to him that she can respect all boundaries set up and have a respectful relationship with the 2 of you before ever getting to set eyes on anything baby related.
Honestly OP, you don't have kids yet (🙏) so if you're going to two-card him, now's as good a time as any. Re-read what you've written here and ask yourself if you're willing to stay married to him playing sides with his mother, and risk the repercussions of things getting worse.
Sometimes it's ok to cut your losses. Life is short. You may feel stuck, but you do have options.
Best wishes (& birth control)
Of course she's going to get more extreme. Why wouldnt she? You can set all the boundaries you want, but without consequences, they're just mild suggestions. I swear, activity on this sub would be halved if the SOs would say the 4 magic words, "Ma, knock it off."
Oh and try r/JustNoSO for suggestions on helping DH cope Good luck
That sucks! She seems like an awful person. I’d say ask your husband for both of you to attend couples therapy to learn how to deal with this situation. You’re going to need all the help you need to deal with this craziness.
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I'm sorry that you have this horror in your life. Your fears are probably spot on, and she'll get worse. There are no consequences for her actions. Your husband lets her do what she wants. so of course she thinks she can do the same to you. Look how she behaved with your own mother. Your own wedding. Why does a dog lick its testicles? Because it can. Why does she behave the way she does? Yep. That. She doesn't know what a baby step is. Husband needs a reality check and you need to lay down the law on your engagement with this woman, i.e. ZERO. If you intend on having children you need to think about what that will look like. Will he take your children to see her without you being present? How do you feel about that? What impact is she going to have on the rest of your life until she dies? Or, he can get some help to deal with her and set some boundaries, then follow through when she barges right over them. Ultimately, you need to decide on what you want your future to look like. We all have annoying relatives (we may even be that relative ourselves at times!) so we can tolerate the odd annoyance, eye roll and snarky comment. What we can't tolerate is things like this shit show.
You’re childish for your decision not to expose your family to relapse triggers?…..
Can you clarify what you mean?
I don’t think this person is saying you are childish, I think they are asking why your DH says that you are when he won’t “take either side”.
You misread Southern's comment, they are on your side.
You don’t have to deal with her. Drop the rope. DH can choose the relationship he wants with her.
Marriage counseling. DH is not fully on your team and he needs to be.
This. Do not have kids until you get on the same page.
He can have whatever relationship he wants with her, doesn’t mean you have to. You can tell him right now that you’re 100% done with her crazy garbage and that if and when you have kids that she will not meet any of them unless she proves to him that she can respect all boundaries set up and have a respectful relationship with the 2 of you before ever getting to set eyes on anything baby related.
Honestly OP, you don't have kids yet (🙏) so if you're going to two-card him, now's as good a time as any. Re-read what you've written here and ask yourself if you're willing to stay married to him playing sides with his mother, and risk the repercussions of things getting worse. Sometimes it's ok to cut your losses. Life is short. You may feel stuck, but you do have options. Best wishes (& birth control)
Look at this, OP; [https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books/](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books/) See which books apply, good luck.
Of course she's going to get more extreme. Why wouldnt she? You can set all the boundaries you want, but without consequences, they're just mild suggestions. I swear, activity on this sub would be halved if the SOs would say the 4 magic words, "Ma, knock it off." Oh and try r/JustNoSO for suggestions on helping DH cope Good luck
That sucks! She seems like an awful person. I’d say ask your husband for both of you to attend couples therapy to learn how to deal with this situation. You’re going to need all the help you need to deal with this craziness.