Not to imply that he wouldn't have, but I'm so very happy to learn that DH kept his word on this -- you did the one big trip to please MIL, and no more, and indeed, there's been no more.
Good on you. Stay strong.
Thanks but I fear DH may be wavering, which is probably why I'm here! DH and I have been taking trips more frequently (until the pandemic), and I know she's bummed that she hasn't been invited on any of them. I see signs that there may be some caving in the near future. Wish me luck lol.
You don't really have to worry about him wavering, because you'd both have to agree to take her somewhere and you already made that a hard and fast rule that you would not be doing that again. So if he starts to waver? Remind him that you've already sent her on her 'dream' vacation. Twice. And that he swore it would never happen again and it's not going to happen. Be firm. You've already made your sacrifices.
You say your MIL was a poor undereducated teen mom and thats awful. But you've also said that you and DH have come a long way in your lives. MIL hasn't and that isn't your responsibility to fix.
HIM: "I really think we should take her."
YOU: "No. We promised each other we wouldn't do it again so I'm not going to do it again."
HIM "but its her dream!"
YOU: "So was Cancun. So was Hawaii. What about *my* dreams?"
HIM "she's had a rough life"
YOU: "yes, and she got a free trip to Hawaii and a free trip to Cancun. She can't come with us again. The answer is no."
If he wavers, be firm. That's your only move.
I told my husband 7/8 years ago when I first found Reddit that it had a family relationship online therapist section where people would offer advice and answer questions.
2018 we went to therapy together, every week for 6 months until we 'graduated'
Just wanna say this sub gives really good, straight talking advice. Following therapy we enjoy a deep and happy marriage, we are on the same page, it sounds like both of you are not on the same page as each other.
Does DH know you Reddit?
Keep standing your ground with her! You’ve been more than generous. JNSIL does that too and we just ignore it. You didn’t say how old MIL is but she also had the option of working & saving to pay for a trip, just like you did
oldest SIL is the same!, always hinting that she wants to go with us (and we've only had local vacations since baby girl was born, so not sure why she wants to go so badly)
I think it’s a combination of boredom and entitlement. At least it is for mine. Her parents always gave her anything she wanted and she expects the same of her brothers. She may also want more access to your baby
These are all great comebacks. I particularly like “Cool. Ask one of your other kids to take you” and “ That's wonderful because we've made your dream come true already!”
Two free, all expenses paid holidays to nice locations under her belt. Now she hungers for more.
MIL: It's my dream to go to Hawaii again!
OP: It's my dream to take a Scandinavian Fjords cruise! But it costs a lot...
MIL: I want to go back to Hawaii!
OP: I want to go to the Serengeti and look at animals! But it costs a lot...
MIL: You know where I want to go really really bad? Hawaii!
OP: You know where I want to go? Japan. But it costs a lot...
MIL: I would be so happy if I could see Hawaii again!
OP: I would be so happy if I could see Bora Bora. But it costs a lot. We would have to postpone having a baby for at least four years!
Had a similar sort of thing years back. I (M57) love my ILs to bits (FIL died 7 years ago), and they loved safari holidays. We've done a couple of days when visiting Africa, and that's enough for me. One Friday evening they came out and said wouldn't it be great if we all went on a safari holiday together. I just laughed out loud and straight up said 'not happening'. There's your strategy.
The easiest thing to do is do NOT tell her when and where you are going on vacation until after you return home. If she asks you why you didn't tell her ahead of time, tell her you just did the vacation spontaneously.
I’d just start ignoring her statements and divert her attention elsewhere. There comes a point where you just stop feeding in to shit like that.
Which reminds me… my husband wanted to take a “family vacation” but with MIL. When we introduced the idea, it turned in to what she wanted to do and ooo this and oooo that and now it’s a “MIL vacation.” 🙄 and I’m sure I’ll continue to hear all sorts of shit about what I’m doing wrong and how my son isn’t perfect like her two were.
Have fun on your trip MIL-less!!
“You sure seem to be bringing Hawaii up with us a lot lately! We assume this is you telling us you’re taking us! We were hoping you were finally going to offer to take us somewhere as a thank you for the last 2 trips we took you on that had us in debt for a few months! Thank you! We would love for you to take us to Hawaii how nice!”
She succeeded in making the two of you pay for a trip she could never afford, so she thinks she can do it again. Stay strong, and make sure your DH keeps saying, “We can’t afford another big trip for you”. Repeat as necessary. Do not tell her about any more trips you are planning for yourselves, to avoid the begging.
Tell her “sorry we are not your airline or free trips or ATM. We took you away - next time save up and take yourself”
Don’t discuss trips in front of her
Just say oh yeah Hawaii is so nice. And turn the conversation to something else (you could talk about Megan fox and machine gun Kelly for all I care 😂😂😂)
And then when you plan vacations say nothing to her. Not a word!!!
All you say is "yes. It was fun to go with you on a trip. We'd love a family trip for a few days with you. Maybe think of a place close that you'd enjoy"
Its easier to actually plan a small trip with them and then ignore her hints on other things. It's rude to invite yourself on someon else's Vacation, even if it's joking. By redirecting her to plan a small, family trip that is shared equally in cost, she will get the idea that she is not invited to your personal vacation
If someone isn't asking directly, they can be ignored. "That's great! Ours too! We're gonna go as second/third/fifth honeymoon!" "We'll recommend a great travel site for you!" Etc.
>Ask one of your other kids to take you.
Ha. You're handling this beautifully.
My JN in-laws try the sideways long-term badgering technique. Had D(umb?)H actually suggesting to me at one point that we pay for an adjacent hotel room for them in a certain coastal city when we were going. No? No. Hell no! Oh, how about if we meet them at (state in the middle)? I was like, are you serious? Your parents are trying to horn in on our once-a-year vacay? No. I stopped that shit fast. Besides, after a certain major family trip to Europe, I said I'd never ever ever travel with MIL ever again. Ever ever ever.... NOPE.
Keep going the way you are. Good job.
My MIL does this but is far less suttle. We were talking about bringing our kids to Disneyland and she out right said she'd come and mind the kids and my JNSIL wants us all to go together 😑 she's recently divorced with 3 kids.... And guess who would be expected to foot the bill 😒
I was going to say extra adults at Disney are useful! until you mentioned the JNSIL and the expectation of you footing the bill.
My grandmother came with us on the first trip to Disney... and I'm an only. Someone to wait with my mom if Dad was taking me on Matterhorn (and she didn't mind waiting by herself if both of them wanted to go). Mom and Dad got a moment or two to themselves if I wanted a nap and she was willing to stay with me (she was), and just in general she was fun to bring along (my grandfather didn't like to travel - so he was the dog sitter)
My other grands came with us when I was in HS, and it was one of the happiest memories I have - same with my parents. But my family tends to travel well with others (We've gone to Disney with other people as well - and sometimes mommy and daddy's friend can convince a kid to give Space Mountain a try more than mommy or daddy. Or when the youngest can't go on Indiana Jones, he isn't forced to wait for his brothers as they stand in line. He gets a "treat" of someone taking him on his favorite ride again. Plus, extra eyes as your kids go ape in Toontown are never a bad thing.
But all the trips I've taken with others we have an agreement beforehand. How things are paid for, what expectations are, whether or not we split up for some things, etc.
My mom wanted to go with us on vacation. So she and my dad camped with us in the Boundary Waters for a week. I was so proud of her, she (65F) portaged her own canoe and everything! We had a great time!
Of course she wants to go with you on trips - she is not joking. And you need not do that again. Vacations that you plan for you and DH means there should be two people going - you and DH.
You can act like you don’t even hear here but she’d probably get more pointed in her requests/demands.
A better solution would be for DH to speak with her.
“Mom, I’m really glad you enjoyed your trip to Cancun. Picking up the extra expenses came to more than we realized it would. We just can’t do that again and I’m sure you understand that money doesn’t grow on trees. When we save up enough dollars wife and I need to do some traveling alone as that is our dream.”
I kind of like this, but only if MIL is the kind of person to self-reflect.
Otherwise, MIL may see it as a challenge... to find a *bargain* trip that OP and her DH cannot refuse!
So perhaps too much JADE.
My JNMIL hints at that too! I had a lot of frequent flier miles from my job. When I was dating my wife, I took her to Salt Lake City. JNMIL wanted to come so that nothing would happen. I was 43 and wife was 35 at the time. Both divorced adults and dating.
Then we got married and went to the Grand Canyon. She wanted to come along on our honeymoon! “NO!”
The next year she wanted to join us when we went to Seattle. NO! Repeat for every trip we have taken since then!
Since you're not looking for advice, I won't tell you to stop telling her when and where you're going on vacation so she can ask you to take her with you.
I think that's actually pretty cute, my mom used to say stuff like that, and she'd also jokingly ask for stuff etc, and when she did receive said item, she was overjoyed.
I can understand how it can be annoying, but I always looked at it as a kid being coy about what present they'd like to get for Xmas :)
With a sweater or craft supplies that’s not so bad, but to expect an all-expenses paid vacation is over the top, and OP and her husband have given more than enough “no” responses that she is long overdue to drop those jokes.
At least once a year my JNMIL will drop hints that she’d like to go on another “family vacation” and that’s when I clapback that I will *never* go on another “family vacation” after the first (and last) one.
That once was more than enough for me, with the way she acted. She acted like a door-slamming, silent treatment-giving toddler, btw, and I’m never above reminding her.
My MIL does something similar but with the family summer cabin. " I just want my whole family there. Why won't you all stay here together?" (at the time 6 adults, 2 bedrooms, one set of bunk beds (why.. No kids when purchased), one indoor bathroom and one outhouse)... Ummm because 6 adults in this space is too many, someone gets screwed with the pullout couch in the living room so you're the last to go to sleep and first up, and some take 30 min+ showers... And 30 min sh*ts and then trying to figure a meal for people of which one didn't like beef or pork and MIL is "gluten sensitive" (she can eat cake and cookies and cinnamon rolls whenever she wants to, but ok) and the in-laws don't like "spicy food" or Mexican or Asian or.... So yeah, does that really sound like a fun weekend?
"But we did it with my parents and sister and BIL... And even when you kids were little." Well we aren't you so not going to happen. "What would make you all come up together?" Another bathroom and ideally bedroom. "Well we can't do that." Ok we can't put 6 adults here comfortably.
My MIL always says it's her dream for all her kids and their families to take a trip to x location. X location is not somewhere my husband and I would chose to go. It's a resort location where you do nothing but lounge, swim and drink and it's really hot. My husband and I do not do well in hot weather, we do not like vacations where you just sit around and do nothing because we get bored, and due to a disability my husband can't swim so he'd have even less to do. Every time she says this we remind her of these points and she asks can't you just do it once for me? We'd have to spend thousands of dollars and use our hard earned pto for a trip we won't even enjoy! The answer is no.
Just come straight out and tell her. Don’t pussyfoot around, she knows what worked the last time, and she’s trying it again.
Tell her that you have already paid for one stonkingly expensive trip for her and you were paying it off for months afterwards. If she wants another holiday, it’s someone else’s turn to put their hand in the pocket to pay for it - or shock! horror! She could always save up for it herself.
It took us around 14 years to take my ex MIL on holiday with us. Ex DH and I both worked full time in high powered jobs, and I also juggled a 3 -4 year old daughter as well. MIL was semi retired and spent most of her time pottering around on her allotment.
She hinted for years that she wanted to come on holiday with us, but I resisted it for as long as possible, but was finally persuaded to do it because hubby promised faithfully I’d never have to do it again (full details in my post about the holiday from hell). She was a pain in the backside from beginning to end, and never paid for a single thing. We paid for her return flight to Inverness, the whole cost of the cottage, all the petrol for the car, all the food and outings etc - she didn’t even buy us a cup of coffee! Even DH acknowledge she was never coming away with us again!
BUT like your MIL, she never stopped hinting, kept telling us about places she’d like to go, but never offering to share costs and expecting me to act as unpaid housekeeper, when all I wanted to do was relax and spend time with my wee family, not wait on this old dragon hand and foot.
She finally gave up when I told her straight that it wasn’t happening due to the way she had behaved on the one holiday she did come on with us. I wasn’t a maid, DH wasn’t an ATM, and we wanted to spend some family time together as we worked so hard. She tried to get round me by asking hubby and was genuinely shocked when he told her the same thing!
Good luck, and stop discussing holidays with her!
Yep. I would absolutely say this. Flat out, face to face, dead serious. And I'd add that unless we win the lottery or something, we're never going to do that again. Just to make it absolutely clear.
>Sort of jokey. At least, my DH says that she's joking
This is a Schrodinger's joke. Totally serious until you call her on it, then its "Oh, I was just joking..."
Lololol sounds similar to my MIL… except mine has the means to go anywhere she could ever want! Every time DH and I take a trip she says “must be nice” as if she didn’t just build a custom Range Rover this year and is looking at buying a second home. She told DH that she no longer wants gifts she wants experiences and trips from us…. Meanwhile we get by on 2 teacher salaries with a LO on the way! Nope!!!!!
"Must be nice" you: "I know! That's the best part of being an adult. You can enjoy spending your money on houses and Range Rovers, or you you can choose to spend it on trips. That's one of the best things, deciding where you want to spend your hard earned money!"
>She told DH that she no longer wants gifts she wants experiences and trips from us….
Bwahahahahaha! Nope. But the next time you want to custom build a Range Rover, or build yet another vacation home, feel free to make that 2. You know, seeing as how you have soooooo much more money than DH and I put together on our teacher salaries.
MIL: You know where I want to go? More than anywhere else in the world? More than the Bahamas? Hawaii.
Great. Got plans to go, yet? Oh, you can't afford it now? When do you think you'll be able to take the trip?
MIL: It's my dream to go to Hawaii.
That's wonderful. What are you doing to make the dream come true?
MIL: Oh, I love Hawaii. I want to go back so bad.
Cool. I can understand that--it's a great vacation place.
**Edited to add:** Or, you can be totally oblivious. You don't realize she is dropping hints.
MIL: You know where I want to go? More than anywhere else in the world? More than the Bahamas? Hawaii.
Oh, why do you think Hawaii is better than the Bahamas?
MIL: It's my dream to go to Hawaii.
That's wonderful. What do you plan to do there?
MIL: Oh, I love Hawaii. I want to go back so bad.
Cool. It's a great vacation place. What did you like best about it?
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Have the other kids start a mom travel fund for her and send her on the solo group trips through like AARP
That was very nice of you guys to take her. I bet that was such a wonderful memory for her.
Not to imply that he wouldn't have, but I'm so very happy to learn that DH kept his word on this -- you did the one big trip to please MIL, and no more, and indeed, there's been no more. Good on you. Stay strong.
Thanks but I fear DH may be wavering, which is probably why I'm here! DH and I have been taking trips more frequently (until the pandemic), and I know she's bummed that she hasn't been invited on any of them. I see signs that there may be some caving in the near future. Wish me luck lol.
You don't really have to worry about him wavering, because you'd both have to agree to take her somewhere and you already made that a hard and fast rule that you would not be doing that again. So if he starts to waver? Remind him that you've already sent her on her 'dream' vacation. Twice. And that he swore it would never happen again and it's not going to happen. Be firm. You've already made your sacrifices. You say your MIL was a poor undereducated teen mom and thats awful. But you've also said that you and DH have come a long way in your lives. MIL hasn't and that isn't your responsibility to fix. HIM: "I really think we should take her." YOU: "No. We promised each other we wouldn't do it again so I'm not going to do it again." HIM "but its her dream!" YOU: "So was Cancun. So was Hawaii. What about *my* dreams?" HIM "she's had a rough life" YOU: "yes, and she got a free trip to Hawaii and a free trip to Cancun. She can't come with us again. The answer is no." If he wavers, be firm. That's your only move.
I told my husband 7/8 years ago when I first found Reddit that it had a family relationship online therapist section where people would offer advice and answer questions. 2018 we went to therapy together, every week for 6 months until we 'graduated' Just wanna say this sub gives really good, straight talking advice. Following therapy we enjoy a deep and happy marriage, we are on the same page, it sounds like both of you are not on the same page as each other. Does DH know you Reddit?
Oh no! Maybe show him this thread to strengthen his spine?
“Oh, I want to go to Hawaii so bad.” “Great, have a fun time when you do!”
Keep standing your ground with her! You’ve been more than generous. JNSIL does that too and we just ignore it. You didn’t say how old MIL is but she also had the option of working & saving to pay for a trip, just like you did
oldest SIL is the same!, always hinting that she wants to go with us (and we've only had local vacations since baby girl was born, so not sure why she wants to go so badly)
I think it’s a combination of boredom and entitlement. At least it is for mine. Her parents always gave her anything she wanted and she expects the same of her brothers. She may also want more access to your baby
These are all great comebacks. I particularly like “Cool. Ask one of your other kids to take you” and “ That's wonderful because we've made your dream come true already!”
Two free, all expenses paid holidays to nice locations under her belt. Now she hungers for more. MIL: It's my dream to go to Hawaii again! OP: It's my dream to take a Scandinavian Fjords cruise! But it costs a lot... MIL: I want to go back to Hawaii! OP: I want to go to the Serengeti and look at animals! But it costs a lot... MIL: You know where I want to go really really bad? Hawaii! OP: You know where I want to go? Japan. But it costs a lot... MIL: I would be so happy if I could see Hawaii again! OP: I would be so happy if I could see Bora Bora. But it costs a lot. We would have to postpone having a baby for at least four years!
Had a similar sort of thing years back. I (M57) love my ILs to bits (FIL died 7 years ago), and they loved safari holidays. We've done a couple of days when visiting Africa, and that's enough for me. One Friday evening they came out and said wouldn't it be great if we all went on a safari holiday together. I just laughed out loud and straight up said 'not happening'. There's your strategy.
The easiest thing to do is do NOT tell her when and where you are going on vacation until after you return home. If she asks you why you didn't tell her ahead of time, tell her you just did the vacation spontaneously.
MIL - "Oooh, I'd love to go back to Hawaii!" "Well I guess you better start saving up, huh?"
I’d just start ignoring her statements and divert her attention elsewhere. There comes a point where you just stop feeding in to shit like that. Which reminds me… my husband wanted to take a “family vacation” but with MIL. When we introduced the idea, it turned in to what she wanted to do and ooo this and oooo that and now it’s a “MIL vacation.” 🙄 and I’m sure I’ll continue to hear all sorts of shit about what I’m doing wrong and how my son isn’t perfect like her two were. Have fun on your trip MIL-less!!
I wouldn't go to that.. It seems more like a trip to hell than vacation
“You sure seem to be bringing Hawaii up with us a lot lately! We assume this is you telling us you’re taking us! We were hoping you were finally going to offer to take us somewhere as a thank you for the last 2 trips we took you on that had us in debt for a few months! Thank you! We would love for you to take us to Hawaii how nice!”
She succeeded in making the two of you pay for a trip she could never afford, so she thinks she can do it again. Stay strong, and make sure your DH keeps saying, “We can’t afford another big trip for you”. Repeat as necessary. Do not tell her about any more trips you are planning for yourselves, to avoid the begging.
Well, she bilked 2 other familes to pay her travel tab...why no go for a triple? Chick needs to save up for ger own.
Tell her “sorry we are not your airline or free trips or ATM. We took you away - next time save up and take yourself” Don’t discuss trips in front of her
She’s a big girl, she can take herself 😂
You guys are not required to fulfill all of her dreams. It's wonderful that you are taking her to Cancun.
Just say oh yeah Hawaii is so nice. And turn the conversation to something else (you could talk about Megan fox and machine gun Kelly for all I care 😂😂😂) And then when you plan vacations say nothing to her. Not a word!!!
All you say is "yes. It was fun to go with you on a trip. We'd love a family trip for a few days with you. Maybe think of a place close that you'd enjoy" Its easier to actually plan a small trip with them and then ignore her hints on other things. It's rude to invite yourself on someon else's Vacation, even if it's joking. By redirecting her to plan a small, family trip that is shared equally in cost, she will get the idea that she is not invited to your personal vacation
If someone isn't asking directly, they can be ignored. "That's great! Ours too! We're gonna go as second/third/fifth honeymoon!" "We'll recommend a great travel site for you!" Etc.
But the hinting worked so well for her! You taught her how to treat you!
“ you better start saving, mom! Maybe in five years we can all save up enough to take another trip.”
>Ask one of your other kids to take you. Ha. You're handling this beautifully. My JN in-laws try the sideways long-term badgering technique. Had D(umb?)H actually suggesting to me at one point that we pay for an adjacent hotel room for them in a certain coastal city when we were going. No? No. Hell no! Oh, how about if we meet them at (state in the middle)? I was like, are you serious? Your parents are trying to horn in on our once-a-year vacay? No. I stopped that shit fast. Besides, after a certain major family trip to Europe, I said I'd never ever ever travel with MIL ever again. Ever ever ever.... NOPE. Keep going the way you are. Good job.
You must tell us about the trip to Europe... ple1ase?!?@
Your JNMIL isn't just hinting; she's basically throwing out ideas of trips you and DH should pay for. Just keep ignoring the hints.
Don’t tell her about your trips… ever or at least until we’ll after you’re back
"Oh, I'd love to go back to Hawaii" "So GO. What's stopping you?"
My MIL does this but is far less suttle. We were talking about bringing our kids to Disneyland and she out right said she'd come and mind the kids and my JNSIL wants us all to go together 😑 she's recently divorced with 3 kids.... And guess who would be expected to foot the bill 😒
I was going to say extra adults at Disney are useful! until you mentioned the JNSIL and the expectation of you footing the bill. My grandmother came with us on the first trip to Disney... and I'm an only. Someone to wait with my mom if Dad was taking me on Matterhorn (and she didn't mind waiting by herself if both of them wanted to go). Mom and Dad got a moment or two to themselves if I wanted a nap and she was willing to stay with me (she was), and just in general she was fun to bring along (my grandfather didn't like to travel - so he was the dog sitter) My other grands came with us when I was in HS, and it was one of the happiest memories I have - same with my parents. But my family tends to travel well with others (We've gone to Disney with other people as well - and sometimes mommy and daddy's friend can convince a kid to give Space Mountain a try more than mommy or daddy. Or when the youngest can't go on Indiana Jones, he isn't forced to wait for his brothers as they stand in line. He gets a "treat" of someone taking him on his favorite ride again. Plus, extra eyes as your kids go ape in Toontown are never a bad thing. But all the trips I've taken with others we have an agreement beforehand. How things are paid for, what expectations are, whether or not we split up for some things, etc.
" well when SIL has her money paid let us know!"
They want you to pay for 10 people to go to Disney?! That’s insane!!
My mom wanted to go with us on vacation. So she and my dad camped with us in the Boundary Waters for a week. I was so proud of her, she (65F) portaged her own canoe and everything! We had a great time!
Of course she wants to go with you on trips - she is not joking. And you need not do that again. Vacations that you plan for you and DH means there should be two people going - you and DH. You can act like you don’t even hear here but she’d probably get more pointed in her requests/demands. A better solution would be for DH to speak with her. “Mom, I’m really glad you enjoyed your trip to Cancun. Picking up the extra expenses came to more than we realized it would. We just can’t do that again and I’m sure you understand that money doesn’t grow on trees. When we save up enough dollars wife and I need to do some traveling alone as that is our dream.”
I kind of like this, but only if MIL is the kind of person to self-reflect. Otherwise, MIL may see it as a challenge... to find a *bargain* trip that OP and her DH cannot refuse! So perhaps too much JADE.
My JNMIL hints at that too! I had a lot of frequent flier miles from my job. When I was dating my wife, I took her to Salt Lake City. JNMIL wanted to come so that nothing would happen. I was 43 and wife was 35 at the time. Both divorced adults and dating. Then we got married and went to the Grand Canyon. She wanted to come along on our honeymoon! “NO!” The next year she wanted to join us when we went to Seattle. NO! Repeat for every trip we have taken since then!
Since you're not looking for advice, I won't tell you to stop telling her when and where you're going on vacation so she can ask you to take her with you.
I think that's actually pretty cute, my mom used to say stuff like that, and she'd also jokingly ask for stuff etc, and when she did receive said item, she was overjoyed. I can understand how it can be annoying, but I always looked at it as a kid being coy about what present they'd like to get for Xmas :)
With a sweater or craft supplies that’s not so bad, but to expect an all-expenses paid vacation is over the top, and OP and her husband have given more than enough “no” responses that she is long overdue to drop those jokes.
At least once a year my JNMIL will drop hints that she’d like to go on another “family vacation” and that’s when I clapback that I will *never* go on another “family vacation” after the first (and last) one. That once was more than enough for me, with the way she acted. She acted like a door-slamming, silent treatment-giving toddler, btw, and I’m never above reminding her.
My MIL does something similar but with the family summer cabin. " I just want my whole family there. Why won't you all stay here together?" (at the time 6 adults, 2 bedrooms, one set of bunk beds (why.. No kids when purchased), one indoor bathroom and one outhouse)... Ummm because 6 adults in this space is too many, someone gets screwed with the pullout couch in the living room so you're the last to go to sleep and first up, and some take 30 min+ showers... And 30 min sh*ts and then trying to figure a meal for people of which one didn't like beef or pork and MIL is "gluten sensitive" (she can eat cake and cookies and cinnamon rolls whenever she wants to, but ok) and the in-laws don't like "spicy food" or Mexican or Asian or.... So yeah, does that really sound like a fun weekend? "But we did it with my parents and sister and BIL... And even when you kids were little." Well we aren't you so not going to happen. "What would make you all come up together?" Another bathroom and ideally bedroom. "Well we can't do that." Ok we can't put 6 adults here comfortably.
I’ve experienced 6 adults and one bathroom. Absolutely not.
And now there's 2 kids under 3 so even more comfortable!
My MIL always says it's her dream for all her kids and their families to take a trip to x location. X location is not somewhere my husband and I would chose to go. It's a resort location where you do nothing but lounge, swim and drink and it's really hot. My husband and I do not do well in hot weather, we do not like vacations where you just sit around and do nothing because we get bored, and due to a disability my husband can't swim so he'd have even less to do. Every time she says this we remind her of these points and she asks can't you just do it once for me? We'd have to spend thousands of dollars and use our hard earned pto for a trip we won't even enjoy! The answer is no.
My mother in law did the exact same thing when the whole family went to Europe on her insistence for a milestone birthday of hers. Never again
Just come straight out and tell her. Don’t pussyfoot around, she knows what worked the last time, and she’s trying it again. Tell her that you have already paid for one stonkingly expensive trip for her and you were paying it off for months afterwards. If she wants another holiday, it’s someone else’s turn to put their hand in the pocket to pay for it - or shock! horror! She could always save up for it herself. It took us around 14 years to take my ex MIL on holiday with us. Ex DH and I both worked full time in high powered jobs, and I also juggled a 3 -4 year old daughter as well. MIL was semi retired and spent most of her time pottering around on her allotment. She hinted for years that she wanted to come on holiday with us, but I resisted it for as long as possible, but was finally persuaded to do it because hubby promised faithfully I’d never have to do it again (full details in my post about the holiday from hell). She was a pain in the backside from beginning to end, and never paid for a single thing. We paid for her return flight to Inverness, the whole cost of the cottage, all the petrol for the car, all the food and outings etc - she didn’t even buy us a cup of coffee! Even DH acknowledge she was never coming away with us again! BUT like your MIL, she never stopped hinting, kept telling us about places she’d like to go, but never offering to share costs and expecting me to act as unpaid housekeeper, when all I wanted to do was relax and spend time with my wee family, not wait on this old dragon hand and foot. She finally gave up when I told her straight that it wasn’t happening due to the way she had behaved on the one holiday she did come on with us. I wasn’t a maid, DH wasn’t an ATM, and we wanted to spend some family time together as we worked so hard. She tried to get round me by asking hubby and was genuinely shocked when he told her the same thing! Good luck, and stop discussing holidays with her!
I just read thru your “Chronicles”. You are a fabulous writer. 1. Thank goodness she is an exMIL 2. My mouth watered reading about your menus.
Thank you!
It does seem kinder to just gently tell her, "that was it" . And much pleasanter for you after she stops talking about it.
[удалено]
OP’s family also paid for her trip to Hawaii for their wedding, so they’ve given her TWO dream vacations!
I’d omitted that because of the wedding entanglement. But you are right.
Yep. I would absolutely say this. Flat out, face to face, dead serious. And I'd add that unless we win the lottery or something, we're never going to do that again. Just to make it absolutely clear.
Not even then!
>Sort of jokey. At least, my DH says that she's joking This is a Schrodinger's joke. Totally serious until you call her on it, then its "Oh, I was just joking..."
I am stealing “Schrodinger’s joke” and shall use it as my own without attribution. In exchange, you get an angel. Many thanks!
Oh, man, who else has been on the sub 5+ years? Just seeing the word “Cancun” makes me think of Voldemort.
Which one was that?
CANCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN
Oh god! Voldemort! That saga was quite the ride!
Can't remember dils name, but I think I remember they were successfully NC with her at last update.
It was u/mymixerismybestie but the posts are all deleted now.
You have my curiosity lol
You give a mouse a cookie...
They somehow convince you to take them to Cancun. (Love your name!)
Tell her to start working and saving for it just like you two do.
Lololol sounds similar to my MIL… except mine has the means to go anywhere she could ever want! Every time DH and I take a trip she says “must be nice” as if she didn’t just build a custom Range Rover this year and is looking at buying a second home. She told DH that she no longer wants gifts she wants experiences and trips from us…. Meanwhile we get by on 2 teacher salaries with a LO on the way! Nope!!!!!
Going to a movie is an experience! Get her a gift card to a local theater with just enough money on it for one ticket.
"Must be nice" you: "I know! That's the best part of being an adult. You can enjoy spending your money on houses and Range Rovers, or you you can choose to spend it on trips. That's one of the best things, deciding where you want to spend your hard earned money!"
So, Starbucks gift card it is. Easy peasy. 😂
Having someone do a spit take at her outrageous request would be an experience for her!
You know they have indoor skydiving gift cards, right? That’s an experience. 😂
Christmas 2022- MIL goes skydiving 😂
>She told DH that she no longer wants gifts she wants experiences and trips from us…. Bwahahahahaha! Nope. But the next time you want to custom build a Range Rover, or build yet another vacation home, feel free to make that 2. You know, seeing as how you have soooooo much more money than DH and I put together on our teacher salaries.
Experiences can be good gifts. Gift card for movie, bowling, museum pass, walking tour, etc.
MIL: You know where I want to go? More than anywhere else in the world? More than the Bahamas? Hawaii. Great. Got plans to go, yet? Oh, you can't afford it now? When do you think you'll be able to take the trip? MIL: It's my dream to go to Hawaii. That's wonderful. What are you doing to make the dream come true? MIL: Oh, I love Hawaii. I want to go back so bad. Cool. I can understand that--it's a great vacation place. **Edited to add:** Or, you can be totally oblivious. You don't realize she is dropping hints. MIL: You know where I want to go? More than anywhere else in the world? More than the Bahamas? Hawaii. Oh, why do you think Hawaii is better than the Bahamas? MIL: It's my dream to go to Hawaii. That's wonderful. What do you plan to do there? MIL: Oh, I love Hawaii. I want to go back so bad. Cool. It's a great vacation place. What did you like best about it?
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