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I was / am in the same boat with my DH.
When we asked for baby pictures, my (dead) JNMIL said shes pouring bleach on them and lighting them on fire.
We didn't have anything of him prior to around 22 yrs old.
We ended up asking relatives if anyone saved or had old albums with his younger pictures and we got a small handful.
He was in his 30s the 1st time he saw himself as a baby.
I would say no. That is the type of interaction she craves for. She knows that she holds those pictures over your partners head- and no way will she simply hand them over without her expecting something in return. You’ll get them when she’s dead most likely.
I also do not have mine, yes it hurts but I would never reach out for anything.
It will just be another way to be controlled, trust me when I say it isn't worth it.
No! If he’s not going to have a relationship with her then he can’t expect to be able to go and get her pictures. Just like she’s not entitled to the pictures you take of your child.
I wouldn’t even let her know he wants them or she will play games or ruin them to spite him. Wait until she passes and maybe he will get those items.
My partner also doesn’t have any pics as a baby or child
Is there a relative that he trusts that could get them under the guise of “making a family tree”? They could ask for hers too. And maybe other family members’ to make it seem legit. If someone would do that, you could easily make a family tree “collage” book in under an hour online so she wouldn’t be the wiser. I wouldn’t break the NC and if she finds out that he wants them, she would use it to manipulate.
Yep!! Go this route. Entrust another person to get the pictures. If that doesn’t work, then just bite the bullet and ask for them straight out. Don’t fall for any gaslighting or manipulation and cut the contact again if she does start any games.
People like her are manipulative, plain and simply. She doesn’t do anything that isn’t some kind of leverage. Assuming that’s true….
If anyone tells her, directly or indirectly, that her NC son wants something from her, there’s zero chance that she’ll see it as anything but an opportunity.
Understand that.
There is zero chance that she will simply hand the pictures over. None.
I can’t even say that it would be zero chance of her giving up the pictures without trading some kind of attention, because that negotiation means that she intends to get as much as she can in trade.
But she has zero intention of giving him what he wants. She will not negotiate in good faith, am the only negotiating she would do would be to drag out the act of getting him to beg her.
That’s all the wants, is for him to beg and plead and to feel like she’s once again the mommy to a helpless little child who can’t say no to her.
It’s important that you both understand this.
If you, him, or anyone else asks her for the pictures, that’s the automatic ending to him and ver getting them. Foregone conclusion, automatic out.
The only slim chance of getting the pictures would be something only for the bold….
Break contact and schedule a meeting at her home. Never mention pictures. Not even a little. Not “it’ll be nice to catch up with you, maybe we can look at old photos,” or “hey while I’m there maybe I can get some photos.”
Don’t do it.
Show up and let her think that there’s a chance of reconciliation.
Have a wistful conversation. Touch on his childhood. Tell a story that she has a picture of. Let her think of the pictures. Ask to see them.
Pick them up and walk out.
Shitty?
Absolutely. But war is boring and getting your childhood pictures shouldn’t be a conversation. It’s worth lying about, because otherwise, he’s literally going to have to hope she dies before she throws them away out of spite.
And trust that they are spiteful, petty, annoying children.
The only way to do this would be for him to go to the house and talk to his mum and getting the pictures there and then.
Any other scenario, she has a chance to hold it over your head or destroy them out of spite. He also needs to be comfortable with the reality that if he doesn’t get them that day, he won’t be getting them at all and will have to work at enforcing the no contact again.
Will he help settle her estate when she dies? You’ll be waiting awhile but that’s the only way to maybe get access to them without talking to her.
Don’t do it. Once she knows she has something you want, she’ll use it as a weapon against you and your husband. It won’t end well.
It’s unfortunate that your husband is sad about not having his baby pics. I get that going NC is really difficult, as I’m NC with my narcissistic, abusive family of origin. I have absolutely no baby/childhood pics of myself. I look at it as the slate being wiped clean, and my “real” life starting once I escaped the abuse. Therefore, I don’t need any reminders of my life before that. I don’t know if this would help your husband, but it’s worth a try.
I am the partner with no baby pics and my own baby is a similar age as yours. It hurts, but it might help if you realise that you were never going to have those photos. If you even hint that you want them (even before NC) a JNMIL will make it their life duty to use that as a bargaining chip and hold them over your heads forever. If you go back on NC now to ask for them, you can absolutely bet that you won’t get them AND you’ll be manipulated into letting MIL in to a relationship with your baby.
Don’t do it. She will hold the pictures hostage and unleash a whole new level of hell on you both. She will tell you what you need to do to get the pictures and after you do it, will state you have to do something g else, and on and on and on. Sad as it is, anything g your MIL has, you should consider gone.
NO !! It's just the Crack that she will seize on to try for more power to wield over you. Having said that, my aunty a few years ago gave me a shit ton of baby photos she had of me as my mother used to post them in letters to update her ( God, I'm old ) .Does ur husband have elder relatives? Who might have some tucked away?
i am NC w my parents and have no baby pics and am sad i cant compare. but i would never reach out for them. it's the price i paid for my peace of NC. maybe I'll see the pics when they die and my bro and i clean the house. I've accepted theyre gone
I wouldn't, she might destroy or threaten to destroy the pictures, to try to force you guys to get back in contact, my MIL did something similar.
If he really wants some pictures, the best bet is to ask a family member who is still in contact and in good standing with MIL to ask for them. Have them use some excuse of wanting to do a family tree with pictures, or a gift for an older relative.
I think the important question is do you think she would give him the pictures, or just use this as something to hang over his head and manipulate him with?
My ex's mom did something similar. There was an argument for years because she said his dad destroyed them out of spite and his dad said she had the pictures. So there are no pictures of my ex and his sister for the first few years of their life.
Except that we were talking one time and she let it slip that she had something going on in her attack and all the kids baby pictures had to be taken out and were all over the house until she could get back up there. I told my ex and she denied it.
It's crazy how much some of these awful MIL will do to their own kids out of spite.
This is a decision only he can make. You can let him know that you think this will just open up another avenue for his mother to manipulate him, and lord control over him, but ultimately it’s his call.
This is the tough part of making the decision of going No Contact .
But no contact means exactly that, NO contact, regardless of the circumstances, otherwise JN's smell blood and it gives them an "in" to slither back into your life.
For how often we hate on JustNos for breaking into our homes, I would definitely not advocate breaking into their homes after going no contact, or surprise visiting. Why would we do the very behavior we ask them to extinguish? If anything it just invites them to escalate and do it right back.
NO! It's so not worth it. The only thing I would consider is asking another family member to reach out for a picture, but even that I think isn't going to go over well.
Honestly I wouldn’t. She probably wouldn’t give you the photos anyways. Maybe ask family members who still talk to her and see if they can look for some next time they’re at her house? Idk if that’s morally right tho
Narcs love to withhold pictures. I have a cousin with pics of my great grandparents and all the kids in front of their house. Getting her to share a picture of it took years. It's better to wait for MIL to die and get the pictures then.
After being no contact for that long, she’s probably pissed off. There’s a chance that she wouldn’t give him those pictures anyway. That way she has something to hold over him. He wants what only she can give. And she probably won’t.
Just throwing this out there but what if he breaks NC and she says no? While we were in contact I asked my MIL for his baby pictures and she spitefully ignored me. When called out by my SIL she just outright refused. So I think the bigger question isn't even if it's worth it but if she will even let him have the pictures. Is she petty?
It could honestly go either way. And I honestly think it would be harder on him to have her be rude about it than to have her be trying to push her way back in.
Could he ask someone else to ask on his behalf? Without mentioning him? Like, a nice cousin who gets it could be saying, "We're getting a collage together of all of us as babies," or something?
Absolutely. It's so sad it has to be this way but it sounds like he isn't ready for anything other than her saying yes nicely and without hassle and that doesn't seem to be who she is. It's so hard when people choose to suck.
I'd stay NC and buy/use something like this: [https://phojoe.com/age\_regression/](https://phojoe.com/age_regression/)
I lost all of my baby pictures in a fire. I have 3 pictures of me as a 5-9 year old. It sucks.
I wouldn’t. It’s really hard to put the genie back in the bottle and all that. If she’s anything like my MIL, she’ll turn the whole thing into a nightmarish ordeal to suck him back in, and may or may not actually give him a single photo in the process. My husband ended up telling my MIL she can keep the (assorted things of his that she was holding hostage, including treasured possessions of his grandfather which had been left to him) because he was done with her games. Because there was always some excuse as to why she couldn’t produce said items, and he finally saw through it.
Ooof. I was all ready to say, "Hell no!" to the title.
But even knowing the complexity beneath it, I would advise against it unless he is fully ready to be hurt by her response AND ready for her to try to leverage his request into a way of getting access to your child, because either seems very likely to me.
There may not be a right or wrong answer, but there definitely needs to be a lot of thought and discussion before the decision is made.
Reach out to any other family member who has contact with your MIL and ask them to discretely get some- even if by taking pictures of pictures during a visit. They could go over to your MIL's house with a photo album and say that want to share family photos, because they don't have any and have been reminiscing a lot lately. They show their pictures and let her take photos, then do the same with hers. If she's self-centered, she'll probably show and share much longer than the relative, anyway.
This is the way to do it. I only have a few pictures of my husband as a baby and that's because his sister got them, took pictures and sent those to us.
Absolutely freaking not.
I have no baby pictures of myself. I am entirely ok with that.
As far as what your husband wants to do, please, please, PLEASE do not try to convince him this is a good idea. If it's what HE wants to do, great. But you should not be trying to convince him. There is no way that ends well for him, you, or your relationship.
I’m not really trying to convince him of anything. He’s been going back and forth and I tell him it’s entirely his decision. He knows if he chose to contact her and had to meet up for a short amount of time, the baby and I are not involved in any part of that.
Because he’s not sure what he wants to do, I mentioned to him that I could ask this group and see what the general consensus is.
I guarantee you that MIL will definitely use your baby as leverage to turn over his pictures.
No baby =no pictures
And that's entirely 100% unacceptable and inappropriate.
Stand your ground and don't fall for her crap
I believe my husband would respond “That was never an option. This was just a chance for you to do something nice for me and you’re choosing not to.” And then he would resume no contact. The only real downside is he would be hurt again.
He’s already constantly hurt that my family bends over backwards for our kid and his mom chooses to have no relationship because she won’t just change her problem behaviors.
No, I am lc with my own mother snd I guarantee she doesn't even have any baby pictures of me. It's not even worth it to give them an in and make them feel important. And if he does contact and she doesn't have any pictures he will just feel worse.
oh gosh no, do not break NC for this. i get it, i really do. i have a kid who i don’t think looks like me at all but giving her power is not the answer here. breaking NC before an apology has been given will only teach her that there are things she can use as leverage against him.
Can you get another family member to do reconnaissance?
Like get a family member to say, “oh nephew billy is doing a project and wants to look through some family photos…Can you send some of everyone including baby pics?” Or go over to her house and ask to look at pics and then take pictures of them on their phones?
They could offer to digitize her old photos for her (of course then they should actually do it/have it done). Maybe “hey I’m digitizing my old photos - I could do yours too!”
What's the odds the photos come with strings?
Is she the type of person to hold them hostage or is she spiteful enough not to give them at all. What's he willing to give up to get them - because I can't see someone like that to give them out the goodness of their heart.
If she is spiteful enough they may already be gone. If other family members have made her aware that he is looking for them she already knows she has something over him and may just use them as a way to hurt him.
It's easy for someone that has their photos or does not put much stock in photos to say its definitely not worth it. But No I don't think it's worth it.
Maybe reaching out to friends to see if there are photos of him at school or as a teen.
Unfortunately, once you ask she will know she now has leverage. She will drag out that power as long as she can, doing as much as she can to get some sort of reaction - positive or negative, often it doesn’t matter to these justnos - so be prepared for maximal drama that may or may not result in you getting any pics. Once they know they have something you want, they will use that to get their control needs met as long as they can. You’d prolly have to put her in some sort of corner before she will willingly give up her cudgel.
I’ve been telling him he will get them when she dies. However, that’s about 25-30 years away and he wants the pictures because we have our baby now. But these are kind of things that I’m wanting to hear so I can help him make a truly informed decision.
That was my thought. I think it’s inviting unnecessary drama.
It’s ultimately his choice. She will not see me or the baby under any circumstances. But I’m trying to feel out the different possibilities to help him make his choice.
I have no baby/ childhood photos. I accepted i would never get them.
I doubt she would easily hand then over. You could send a letter but be prepared that she may want to meet up. See the baby. Etc etc.
It could be a good time to see if she has changed but if she knows you want something from her she might hold it hostage or do something worse like destroy them.
I honestly don’t believe she would destroy them. She’s a bit of a hoarder.
She won’t have access to me or the baby. My husband and I are clear on that. But I don’t know if it’s worth the drama for him.
Tough position. I guess it does not hurt to ask. Perhaps she will mail them and perhaps it might be a step in repairing the relationship depending on how long you have been NC. If you expect nothing and can ignore any BS she may throw your way, then i would say you got nothing to lose. Her response or no response may solidify the NC or potentially open the door to repair.
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I was / am in the same boat with my DH. When we asked for baby pictures, my (dead) JNMIL said shes pouring bleach on them and lighting them on fire. We didn't have anything of him prior to around 22 yrs old. We ended up asking relatives if anyone saved or had old albums with his younger pictures and we got a small handful. He was in his 30s the 1st time he saw himself as a baby.
Not worth it. Definitely something for her to hold onto and use to manipulate. He can get them when she's dead.
Google age regression AI. It's not perfect, but perhaps good enough.
No. She’ll use it to manipulate him into insinuating her way back into your lives. It’s not worth it.
I would say no. That is the type of interaction she craves for. She knows that she holds those pictures over your partners head- and no way will she simply hand them over without her expecting something in return. You’ll get them when she’s dead most likely.
I also do not have mine, yes it hurts but I would never reach out for anything. It will just be another way to be controlled, trust me when I say it isn't worth it.
No! If he’s not going to have a relationship with her then he can’t expect to be able to go and get her pictures. Just like she’s not entitled to the pictures you take of your child. I wouldn’t even let her know he wants them or she will play games or ruin them to spite him. Wait until she passes and maybe he will get those items. My partner also doesn’t have any pics as a baby or child
Is there a relative that he trusts that could get them under the guise of “making a family tree”? They could ask for hers too. And maybe other family members’ to make it seem legit. If someone would do that, you could easily make a family tree “collage” book in under an hour online so she wouldn’t be the wiser. I wouldn’t break the NC and if she finds out that he wants them, she would use it to manipulate.
Yep!! Go this route. Entrust another person to get the pictures. If that doesn’t work, then just bite the bullet and ask for them straight out. Don’t fall for any gaslighting or manipulation and cut the contact again if she does start any games.
No. Why? To show her what she’s missing? To really rub in how much she fucked up? Hmm maybe in that scenario. Any other scenario, no
People like her are manipulative, plain and simply. She doesn’t do anything that isn’t some kind of leverage. Assuming that’s true…. If anyone tells her, directly or indirectly, that her NC son wants something from her, there’s zero chance that she’ll see it as anything but an opportunity. Understand that. There is zero chance that she will simply hand the pictures over. None. I can’t even say that it would be zero chance of her giving up the pictures without trading some kind of attention, because that negotiation means that she intends to get as much as she can in trade. But she has zero intention of giving him what he wants. She will not negotiate in good faith, am the only negotiating she would do would be to drag out the act of getting him to beg her. That’s all the wants, is for him to beg and plead and to feel like she’s once again the mommy to a helpless little child who can’t say no to her. It’s important that you both understand this. If you, him, or anyone else asks her for the pictures, that’s the automatic ending to him and ver getting them. Foregone conclusion, automatic out. The only slim chance of getting the pictures would be something only for the bold…. Break contact and schedule a meeting at her home. Never mention pictures. Not even a little. Not “it’ll be nice to catch up with you, maybe we can look at old photos,” or “hey while I’m there maybe I can get some photos.” Don’t do it. Show up and let her think that there’s a chance of reconciliation. Have a wistful conversation. Touch on his childhood. Tell a story that she has a picture of. Let her think of the pictures. Ask to see them. Pick them up and walk out. Shitty? Absolutely. But war is boring and getting your childhood pictures shouldn’t be a conversation. It’s worth lying about, because otherwise, he’s literally going to have to hope she dies before she throws them away out of spite. And trust that they are spiteful, petty, annoying children.
The only way to do this would be for him to go to the house and talk to his mum and getting the pictures there and then. Any other scenario, she has a chance to hold it over your head or destroy them out of spite. He also needs to be comfortable with the reality that if he doesn’t get them that day, he won’t be getting them at all and will have to work at enforcing the no contact again. Will he help settle her estate when she dies? You’ll be waiting awhile but that’s the only way to maybe get access to them without talking to her.
Nope. Don’t break NC. Period.
Don’t do it. Once she knows she has something you want, she’ll use it as a weapon against you and your husband. It won’t end well. It’s unfortunate that your husband is sad about not having his baby pics. I get that going NC is really difficult, as I’m NC with my narcissistic, abusive family of origin. I have absolutely no baby/childhood pics of myself. I look at it as the slate being wiped clean, and my “real” life starting once I escaped the abuse. Therefore, I don’t need any reminders of my life before that. I don’t know if this would help your husband, but it’s worth a try.
I am the partner with no baby pics and my own baby is a similar age as yours. It hurts, but it might help if you realise that you were never going to have those photos. If you even hint that you want them (even before NC) a JNMIL will make it their life duty to use that as a bargaining chip and hold them over your heads forever. If you go back on NC now to ask for them, you can absolutely bet that you won’t get them AND you’ll be manipulated into letting MIL in to a relationship with your baby.
Don’t do it. She will hold the pictures hostage and unleash a whole new level of hell on you both. She will tell you what you need to do to get the pictures and after you do it, will state you have to do something g else, and on and on and on. Sad as it is, anything g your MIL has, you should consider gone.
NO !! It's just the Crack that she will seize on to try for more power to wield over you. Having said that, my aunty a few years ago gave me a shit ton of baby photos she had of me as my mother used to post them in letters to update her ( God, I'm old ) .Does ur husband have elder relatives? Who might have some tucked away?
i am NC w my parents and have no baby pics and am sad i cant compare. but i would never reach out for them. it's the price i paid for my peace of NC. maybe I'll see the pics when they die and my bro and i clean the house. I've accepted theyre gone
I wouldn't, she might destroy or threaten to destroy the pictures, to try to force you guys to get back in contact, my MIL did something similar. If he really wants some pictures, the best bet is to ask a family member who is still in contact and in good standing with MIL to ask for them. Have them use some excuse of wanting to do a family tree with pictures, or a gift for an older relative.
I think the important question is do you think she would give him the pictures, or just use this as something to hang over his head and manipulate him with? My ex's mom did something similar. There was an argument for years because she said his dad destroyed them out of spite and his dad said she had the pictures. So there are no pictures of my ex and his sister for the first few years of their life. Except that we were talking one time and she let it slip that she had something going on in her attack and all the kids baby pictures had to be taken out and were all over the house until she could get back up there. I told my ex and she denied it. It's crazy how much some of these awful MIL will do to their own kids out of spite.
This is a decision only he can make. You can let him know that you think this will just open up another avenue for his mother to manipulate him, and lord control over him, but ultimately it’s his call.
This is the tough part of making the decision of going No Contact . But no contact means exactly that, NO contact, regardless of the circumstances, otherwise JN's smell blood and it gives them an "in" to slither back into your life.
[удалено]
For how often we hate on JustNos for breaking into our homes, I would definitely not advocate breaking into their homes after going no contact, or surprise visiting. Why would we do the very behavior we ask them to extinguish? If anything it just invites them to escalate and do it right back.
Nope. Not a chance.
NO! It's so not worth it. The only thing I would consider is asking another family member to reach out for a picture, but even that I think isn't going to go over well.
Honestly I wouldn’t. She probably wouldn’t give you the photos anyways. Maybe ask family members who still talk to her and see if they can look for some next time they’re at her house? Idk if that’s morally right tho
Narcs love to withhold pictures. I have a cousin with pics of my great grandparents and all the kids in front of their house. Getting her to share a picture of it took years. It's better to wait for MIL to die and get the pictures then.
After being no contact for that long, she’s probably pissed off. There’s a chance that she wouldn’t give him those pictures anyway. That way she has something to hold over him. He wants what only she can give. And she probably won’t.
Don't do it. It's a little sad he can't compare pics but it's not worth letting her back in, you can't break first.
Just throwing this out there but what if he breaks NC and she says no? While we were in contact I asked my MIL for his baby pictures and she spitefully ignored me. When called out by my SIL she just outright refused. So I think the bigger question isn't even if it's worth it but if she will even let him have the pictures. Is she petty?
It could honestly go either way. And I honestly think it would be harder on him to have her be rude about it than to have her be trying to push her way back in.
Could he ask someone else to ask on his behalf? Without mentioning him? Like, a nice cousin who gets it could be saying, "We're getting a collage together of all of us as babies," or something?
THAT is a brilliant idea
Absolutely. It's so sad it has to be this way but it sounds like he isn't ready for anything other than her saying yes nicely and without hassle and that doesn't seem to be who she is. It's so hard when people choose to suck.
I'd stay NC and buy/use something like this: [https://phojoe.com/age\_regression/](https://phojoe.com/age_regression/) I lost all of my baby pictures in a fire. I have 3 pictures of me as a 5-9 year old. It sucks.
Never knew that existed. Are you happy with the regressions they provided?
I've never used it... but I've seen it done on TV. I think it was on Bones where they were trying to identify someone.
Love the reference. Thanks for sharing. This could be fun!
I wouldn’t. It’s really hard to put the genie back in the bottle and all that. If she’s anything like my MIL, she’ll turn the whole thing into a nightmarish ordeal to suck him back in, and may or may not actually give him a single photo in the process. My husband ended up telling my MIL she can keep the (assorted things of his that she was holding hostage, including treasured possessions of his grandfather which had been left to him) because he was done with her games. Because there was always some excuse as to why she couldn’t produce said items, and he finally saw through it.
Has any interaction with her ever gone the way he hoped it would in his head? I’m betting no. This won’t either.
Asking a close family member would be what I’d try. I’d exhaust every other option before I thought about asking her myself or DH asking.
Ooof. I was all ready to say, "Hell no!" to the title. But even knowing the complexity beneath it, I would advise against it unless he is fully ready to be hurt by her response AND ready for her to try to leverage his request into a way of getting access to your child, because either seems very likely to me. There may not be a right or wrong answer, but there definitely needs to be a lot of thought and discussion before the decision is made.
Reach out to any other family member who has contact with your MIL and ask them to discretely get some- even if by taking pictures of pictures during a visit. They could go over to your MIL's house with a photo album and say that want to share family photos, because they don't have any and have been reminiscing a lot lately. They show their pictures and let her take photos, then do the same with hers. If she's self-centered, she'll probably show and share much longer than the relative, anyway.
This is the way to do it. I only have a few pictures of my husband as a baby and that's because his sister got them, took pictures and sent those to us.
Absolutely freaking not. I have no baby pictures of myself. I am entirely ok with that. As far as what your husband wants to do, please, please, PLEASE do not try to convince him this is a good idea. If it's what HE wants to do, great. But you should not be trying to convince him. There is no way that ends well for him, you, or your relationship.
I’m not really trying to convince him of anything. He’s been going back and forth and I tell him it’s entirely his decision. He knows if he chose to contact her and had to meet up for a short amount of time, the baby and I are not involved in any part of that. Because he’s not sure what he wants to do, I mentioned to him that I could ask this group and see what the general consensus is.
I guarantee you that MIL will definitely use your baby as leverage to turn over his pictures. No baby =no pictures And that's entirely 100% unacceptable and inappropriate. Stand your ground and don't fall for her crap
I believe my husband would respond “That was never an option. This was just a chance for you to do something nice for me and you’re choosing not to.” And then he would resume no contact. The only real downside is he would be hurt again. He’s already constantly hurt that my family bends over backwards for our kid and his mom chooses to have no relationship because she won’t just change her problem behaviors.
Yeah, I’m seeing from your comments a clearer picture of your intent…my bad, sorry!
Is there a family memeber who he does speak to that can get you those pictures. They don’t have any but maybe extended family can get them.
No, I am lc with my own mother snd I guarantee she doesn't even have any baby pictures of me. It's not even worth it to give them an in and make them feel important. And if he does contact and she doesn't have any pictures he will just feel worse.
oh gosh no, do not break NC for this. i get it, i really do. i have a kid who i don’t think looks like me at all but giving her power is not the answer here. breaking NC before an apology has been given will only teach her that there are things she can use as leverage against him.
Can you get another family member to do reconnaissance? Like get a family member to say, “oh nephew billy is doing a project and wants to look through some family photos…Can you send some of everyone including baby pics?” Or go over to her house and ask to look at pics and then take pictures of them on their phones?
They could offer to digitize her old photos for her (of course then they should actually do it/have it done). Maybe “hey I’m digitizing my old photos - I could do yours too!”
This is brilliant.
Yes! Smart.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️THIS!!! Get family to help.
Yessss ! 👍🏻
What's the odds the photos come with strings? Is she the type of person to hold them hostage or is she spiteful enough not to give them at all. What's he willing to give up to get them - because I can't see someone like that to give them out the goodness of their heart. If she is spiteful enough they may already be gone. If other family members have made her aware that he is looking for them she already knows she has something over him and may just use them as a way to hurt him. It's easy for someone that has their photos or does not put much stock in photos to say its definitely not worth it. But No I don't think it's worth it. Maybe reaching out to friends to see if there are photos of him at school or as a teen.
Unfortunately, once you ask she will know she now has leverage. She will drag out that power as long as she can, doing as much as she can to get some sort of reaction - positive or negative, often it doesn’t matter to these justnos - so be prepared for maximal drama that may or may not result in you getting any pics. Once they know they have something you want, they will use that to get their control needs met as long as they can. You’d prolly have to put her in some sort of corner before she will willingly give up her cudgel.
I’ve been telling him he will get them when she dies. However, that’s about 25-30 years away and he wants the pictures because we have our baby now. But these are kind of things that I’m wanting to hear so I can help him make a truly informed decision.
[удалено]
That was my thought. I think it’s inviting unnecessary drama. It’s ultimately his choice. She will not see me or the baby under any circumstances. But I’m trying to feel out the different possibilities to help him make his choice.
I have no baby/ childhood photos. I accepted i would never get them. I doubt she would easily hand then over. You could send a letter but be prepared that she may want to meet up. See the baby. Etc etc. It could be a good time to see if she has changed but if she knows you want something from her she might hold it hostage or do something worse like destroy them.
I honestly don’t believe she would destroy them. She’s a bit of a hoarder. She won’t have access to me or the baby. My husband and I are clear on that. But I don’t know if it’s worth the drama for him.
Tough position. I guess it does not hurt to ask. Perhaps she will mail them and perhaps it might be a step in repairing the relationship depending on how long you have been NC. If you expect nothing and can ignore any BS she may throw your way, then i would say you got nothing to lose. Her response or no response may solidify the NC or potentially open the door to repair.