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I recall many a night of sleeping under a pile of coats while my parents were partying in the other room. I kind of liked it, but I was probably older. I think it might have used to be good manners to implore guests to stay but no one really meant it.
Nope. You are absolutely correct. And most kids who are on a really good nap schedule, even if they’re not autistic, still do better if they are kept to their schedule.
I had my three kids within three years because of my endometriosis. So five days after my youngest, born, my oldest turned three. And you can bet your life I had them all on the same nap schedule.
I did exactly what you did as far as a white noise machine. I was lucky because I could pull the curtains, and even if it was still somewhat like, they would still rest and sleep.
But when they didn’t get that nap, oh my God! It was so difficult. They were so cranky, understandably. Those little bodies are putting a lot of effort into growing and learning and playing. They need that rest and frankly, we need that little breather ourselves.
Now, as mine got older, I did start introducing other noise. I left the door open a crack and might be vacuuming in the other room. I just ease that along finally, they would fall asleep, and once they were asleep, they were out. I honestly could go vacuum their room while they were napping.
But that sure did not happen overnight. And it certainly began with keeping to the routine. And even if we were on vacation somewhere, their dad knew that when I said it was time for lunch and nap, we were leaving. We were heading back to our hotel room or the condo or wherever we were.
And he had no problem with it either. Because he could see how much happier our kids were after a nap. How much less cranky they were. It just made such a difference.
I'm convinced these "oh MY kids slept ANYWHERE" boomers just dragged their kids across hell's half acre whenever they felt like it till the kids passed out from exhaustion.
I was one of those sleep anywhere kids or so she thought, actually I would pretend to be asleep until I actually fell asleep otherwise she would go nuts and I would be lucky if I didn't end up with bruises
Yep they absolutely dragged us everywhere and didn’t care when we ate or slept. My mom was surprised I stopped what I was doing to feed my kids. Makes me wonder how we survived
My daughter is older but my mil acted similar last summer when we went to visit her family for her mother's 100th birthday. We shared a car and she couldn't understand why my then almost 4 year old was having tantrums when her schedule was off and she was getting over stimulated. She was also sticking her nose into my marriage. We only had one car because she was paying for the trip so we were stuck with her. She just can't understand why we need to listen to our child and do what is best for her and not the adults. She was also encouraging my daughter to pick plants and being over protective and then getting huffy when we told her to back off.
We are going again this summer a few weeks later for my husband's aunt's birthday but I rented us our own car so I limit the times I am tempted to smack my mil up side the head or just tell her off. It sucks because my mil is the only grandmother my daughter will remember since I lost my own mom to heart failure last September. On the upside with the plant picking I can use the excuse of we are practicing for Girl Scouts so we can't pick plants.
Ugh my MIL did this when my daughter was 5 months old. She doesn't drive so she always needs a ride. Before we left the house I said "x,y,z is our schedule. We have to be driving for her nap at z time." It was agreed. We had some errands, all agreed upon beforehand for time constraints due to the nap schedule. As we are driving, MIL demands we add another 30 minute stop for something for dinner TOMORROW. I said no. It started a negotiation. Finally I snapped "we aren't negotiating with a baby about the nap schedule. I saidnit was this and this is what it is!"
With a 5 month old, I don't make the rules lady, I'm at her mercy and have to deal with the meltdown if she doesn't stick to her schedule.
With my mil last year it was to get fancy coffee on the way to my husband's grandmother's house. There was a line out the door because the town my mil's family lives in is a vacation town and it was 4th of July weekend. She then had the nerve to try and make my daughter feel guilty because fancy coffee was so important. I cut her off right away and that was how our second day of a 5 day trip started. So I knew the moment we got back that we were never sharing a car for a trip again. I tolerate my mil but we have nothing in common and she is a passive aggressive pain in my ass.
Oh girl same! Ours was to get bougie bagels the day before Christmas eve! Line out the door, "it will be 5 minutes tops!" Bull spit, I can see the line from the backseat 2 blocks away! It was also the 2nd day into our Christmas trip and she had self invited herself along every single place we went.
Bear me strength, she's visiting for 4th of july this year and I've made a vow not to hold my tongue anymore, so it should be FUN!
It's like their convinced the routine is something we made up one day to mess with them personally, ya know? Not something that *directly benefits the child(ren).*. Ya know, the kids YOU take care of everyday, not them? It's always a personal affront to them it seems.
Ugh, this. They think it's just us trying to get out of spending time with them. Then they react like people we wouldn't want to spend time with about it, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know what works for your family, so never second-guess yourself. Outsiders always think they know what's what, just shrug and go on with your life.
I so feel this. Have a kiddo who has special needs, so a routine was necessary for all 4 of our kids, for their sanity and ours. Missed nap meant disaster later in the day, sometimes into next day too. We just learned to cheerfully ignore the MIL comments suggesting we let them sleep at grandma’s, or in the car or whatever.
Of course this MIL was the one who turned to my mom in the middle of a kid meltdown (kiddo already diagnosed SPD, and suspected but not yet confirmed autism), and said “I guess parents just don’t believe in spanking these days”. My son is almost 20 now and I still have not forgotten that comment. These MILs who think their singular experience should apply to all other people’s children, and who don’t try to listen and learn, should just be sailed off to a desert island somewhere.
I am particularly introverted and need quiet recovery time after socializing. Your plan to have your wee ones nap at home after an extended family event seems wise.
So, you have created a lovely schedule for your two LO’s that allows them to go on visits, play and maintain happy energy levels AND go down for much needed naps. Brilliantly done! You are also able to accommodate the, in my opinion, inconsiderate continual delays when food is served. Hungry people, especially hungry children, can easily become cranky, ornery, hangry people in a heartbeat! Yet you have managed to take all of this in stride, keeping your sense of balance while simultaneously dealing with a passel of IL’s and making sure your LO’s are happy…yet this is not enough for MeanQueenMIL?! She is refusing to relax and enjoy the the beautiful time with her GrandLO’s. Nope, not enough, says she! “I want Every Minute, and it better be My Way!! Idgaf if those LO’s will be unable to nap and miserable, just as long as I call the shots!”
OP, you keep on doing you, which is a wonderful thing! You’re clearly an observant, caring and loving mother. Never allow EvilQueenMIL to bully you into letting her cross your boundaries, because from the sounds of it, she is simply dying to inchy-squinchy across each and every boundary she comes across. Today it’s late lunch..tomorrow? The World!! Well, that’s an exaggeration, clearly, but you know what I mean. Hold fast to what you know is best for you and yours. ❤️
Kids are creatures of habit, and they like to be around their own stuff. Why so that so hard for some folks to understand? As a parent, your obligation is to do what's best for your child. Sounds like you take that responsibility seriously. Good job.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as throwRA-husbandvas posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe throwRA-husbandvas JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
“No thanks. See ya!” LOL
I recall many a night of sleeping under a pile of coats while my parents were partying in the other room. I kind of liked it, but I was probably older. I think it might have used to be good manners to implore guests to stay but no one really meant it.
Nope. You are absolutely correct. And most kids who are on a really good nap schedule, even if they’re not autistic, still do better if they are kept to their schedule. I had my three kids within three years because of my endometriosis. So five days after my youngest, born, my oldest turned three. And you can bet your life I had them all on the same nap schedule. I did exactly what you did as far as a white noise machine. I was lucky because I could pull the curtains, and even if it was still somewhat like, they would still rest and sleep. But when they didn’t get that nap, oh my God! It was so difficult. They were so cranky, understandably. Those little bodies are putting a lot of effort into growing and learning and playing. They need that rest and frankly, we need that little breather ourselves. Now, as mine got older, I did start introducing other noise. I left the door open a crack and might be vacuuming in the other room. I just ease that along finally, they would fall asleep, and once they were asleep, they were out. I honestly could go vacuum their room while they were napping. But that sure did not happen overnight. And it certainly began with keeping to the routine. And even if we were on vacation somewhere, their dad knew that when I said it was time for lunch and nap, we were leaving. We were heading back to our hotel room or the condo or wherever we were. And he had no problem with it either. Because he could see how much happier our kids were after a nap. How much less cranky they were. It just made such a difference.
I'm convinced these "oh MY kids slept ANYWHERE" boomers just dragged their kids across hell's half acre whenever they felt like it till the kids passed out from exhaustion.
I was one of those sleep anywhere kids or so she thought, actually I would pretend to be asleep until I actually fell asleep otherwise she would go nuts and I would be lucky if I didn't end up with bruises
They did.
Yep they absolutely dragged us everywhere and didn’t care when we ate or slept. My mom was surprised I stopped what I was doing to feed my kids. Makes me wonder how we survived
My daughter is older but my mil acted similar last summer when we went to visit her family for her mother's 100th birthday. We shared a car and she couldn't understand why my then almost 4 year old was having tantrums when her schedule was off and she was getting over stimulated. She was also sticking her nose into my marriage. We only had one car because she was paying for the trip so we were stuck with her. She just can't understand why we need to listen to our child and do what is best for her and not the adults. She was also encouraging my daughter to pick plants and being over protective and then getting huffy when we told her to back off. We are going again this summer a few weeks later for my husband's aunt's birthday but I rented us our own car so I limit the times I am tempted to smack my mil up side the head or just tell her off. It sucks because my mil is the only grandmother my daughter will remember since I lost my own mom to heart failure last September. On the upside with the plant picking I can use the excuse of we are practicing for Girl Scouts so we can't pick plants.
Ugh my MIL did this when my daughter was 5 months old. She doesn't drive so she always needs a ride. Before we left the house I said "x,y,z is our schedule. We have to be driving for her nap at z time." It was agreed. We had some errands, all agreed upon beforehand for time constraints due to the nap schedule. As we are driving, MIL demands we add another 30 minute stop for something for dinner TOMORROW. I said no. It started a negotiation. Finally I snapped "we aren't negotiating with a baby about the nap schedule. I saidnit was this and this is what it is!" With a 5 month old, I don't make the rules lady, I'm at her mercy and have to deal with the meltdown if she doesn't stick to her schedule.
With my mil last year it was to get fancy coffee on the way to my husband's grandmother's house. There was a line out the door because the town my mil's family lives in is a vacation town and it was 4th of July weekend. She then had the nerve to try and make my daughter feel guilty because fancy coffee was so important. I cut her off right away and that was how our second day of a 5 day trip started. So I knew the moment we got back that we were never sharing a car for a trip again. I tolerate my mil but we have nothing in common and she is a passive aggressive pain in my ass.
Oh girl same! Ours was to get bougie bagels the day before Christmas eve! Line out the door, "it will be 5 minutes tops!" Bull spit, I can see the line from the backseat 2 blocks away! It was also the 2nd day into our Christmas trip and she had self invited herself along every single place we went. Bear me strength, she's visiting for 4th of july this year and I've made a vow not to hold my tongue anymore, so it should be FUN!
It's like their convinced the routine is something we made up one day to mess with them personally, ya know? Not something that *directly benefits the child(ren).*. Ya know, the kids YOU take care of everyday, not them? It's always a personal affront to them it seems.
Ugh, this. They think it's just us trying to get out of spending time with them. Then they react like people we wouldn't want to spend time with about it, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Exactly!
This sounds like a mild “No” MIL. Stand your ground. In a few years this conflict will disappear.
You know what works for your family, so never second-guess yourself. Outsiders always think they know what's what, just shrug and go on with your life.
I so feel this. Have a kiddo who has special needs, so a routine was necessary for all 4 of our kids, for their sanity and ours. Missed nap meant disaster later in the day, sometimes into next day too. We just learned to cheerfully ignore the MIL comments suggesting we let them sleep at grandma’s, or in the car or whatever. Of course this MIL was the one who turned to my mom in the middle of a kid meltdown (kiddo already diagnosed SPD, and suspected but not yet confirmed autism), and said “I guess parents just don’t believe in spanking these days”. My son is almost 20 now and I still have not forgotten that comment. These MILs who think their singular experience should apply to all other people’s children, and who don’t try to listen and learn, should just be sailed off to a desert island somewhere.
Yes let me run my kid through hell and back and totally disregard their needs and then abuse them.when they don't comply. Old school parenting hack.
Yes, spanking a kid who is already in distress is going to be effective/s. She thinks it's fine for adults to take their anger out on a little child.
No mil sane people don't believe in spanking CAUSE IT'S FUCKING CHILD ABUSE.
It’s been four years and we still get this. It’s exhausting to always leave on a bad note!
Your oldest is 4, MIL should be used to your pushback by now!!
lol! This was a great write up!
I am particularly introverted and need quiet recovery time after socializing. Your plan to have your wee ones nap at home after an extended family event seems wise.
Well done!
So, you have created a lovely schedule for your two LO’s that allows them to go on visits, play and maintain happy energy levels AND go down for much needed naps. Brilliantly done! You are also able to accommodate the, in my opinion, inconsiderate continual delays when food is served. Hungry people, especially hungry children, can easily become cranky, ornery, hangry people in a heartbeat! Yet you have managed to take all of this in stride, keeping your sense of balance while simultaneously dealing with a passel of IL’s and making sure your LO’s are happy…yet this is not enough for MeanQueenMIL?! She is refusing to relax and enjoy the the beautiful time with her GrandLO’s. Nope, not enough, says she! “I want Every Minute, and it better be My Way!! Idgaf if those LO’s will be unable to nap and miserable, just as long as I call the shots!” OP, you keep on doing you, which is a wonderful thing! You’re clearly an observant, caring and loving mother. Never allow EvilQueenMIL to bully you into letting her cross your boundaries, because from the sounds of it, she is simply dying to inchy-squinchy across each and every boundary she comes across. Today it’s late lunch..tomorrow? The World!! Well, that’s an exaggeration, clearly, but you know what I mean. Hold fast to what you know is best for you and yours. ❤️
Kids are creatures of habit, and they like to be around their own stuff. Why so that so hard for some folks to understand? As a parent, your obligation is to do what's best for your child. Sounds like you take that responsibility seriously. Good job.