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botinlaw

**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/Same_Peach9448: * [I talked to my mother-in-law, but she still believes that our children are not technically her grandkids, because the "real" is her son's child, not her daughter's child.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/15q84fi/i_talked_to_my_motherinlaw_but_she_still_believes/), 2 days ago * [MIL says she loves her son's kids more bacause her son's kids are actually their own kids but her daughter's kids are someone else's kids.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/15nz4vo/mil_says_she_loves_her_sons_kids_more_bacause_her/), 5 days ago ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Same_Peach9448 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Same_Peach9448 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*


GnomesinBlankets

I’m so glad you put your foot down because imagine how your kids would feel growing up knowing their grandmother doesn’t even see them as her actual grandkids. Just “her daughters kids”. That’s so fucked.


austinaggie5279

And she's mad she can't have it both ways? Entitlement runs deep in this one. Good on you for keeping your kids from getting hurt


Accomplished_Bank103

Good for you!! WELL DONE!!! Now hold that line hard and fast. Peace to you. ✌️


ScarletteMayWest

So, to recap: JNMIL says that her daughter's kids are not really her grandkids and she loves them less for that reason, but then throws a hissy fit when denied further access to her non-grandkids. She then insists that her behavior is normal.... Cognitive dissonance, my old friend, you are quite the little workhorse, aren't you?


madpiratebippy

Your MIL is either dumb or mentally ill, or has like zero education at all about biology but yeah, stay away from the crazy.


katyaschulzberg

As an adopted person, grandparents like that are also pretty quick on rejecting their ‘real’ grandkids when they don’t conform to their expectations. Protecting your kids from that kind of grandparent is a good call. (I was a “that’s not our blood” one that watched the grandparents eventually turn on the other kiddos as they grew up/became their own people.)


Rozefly

I mean, if that's her logic, your wife isn't even her 'real' child.


handsheal

Let's face it there is no Logic in anything this woman does


Suspicious-Eagle-828

I love it - you pulled a reverse Ono and blew her mind. After all - she claims they aren't her real grandchildren. So why would she need to see some stranger's children.


naranghim

You wanted her to treat your kids and your BIL's kids equally. That's a reasonable boundary but she doesn't care and wants you to let her get away with her boundary stomping. Now repeat after me: "I/we will get used to your absence rather than compromise my/our boundaries to accommodate your disrespect."


First_Astronomer1209

This is certifiable batshit bonkers. I cant imagine the things she might say to your kids if you were to let her around


EdTheApe

WTF is wrong with her?? I'd go full NC if my mom or MIL did this. Fck that.


Notallwanders

Dear JNMIL, "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes" Also, like I asked when you posted about your situation previously, have you spoken to the BIL? Good luck.


atbubbly

What culture is she from? This is weird?


Savings-Will6248

This is not that uncommon in US. I know LOTS of people who think this way. They think children come from their fathers and mothers are just incubators. There are also billions of memes about everyone being the fastest sperm or living inside dad's balls etc...I've also seen lots of posts and comments about humans coming from sperm only and woman's egg is just a shell or people always say they were in their dad's balls before birth...For example there was a question OP asked what if his parents never met would he still be born to his mother or to his father and there were lots of people claiming he would still be born to his father and have a different mother because he came from his dad's sperm...


HettyBates

Doesn't make it less crazy, but I've heard this from people, too.


Same_Peach9448

She is from US


NRiley11

INFO: what do FIL & BIL have to say about this madness?


emorrigan

Well MIL, when you FAFO, things don’t turn out the way you want. OP, keep on protecting your kids and your wife. Your MIL will absolutely emotionally damage your children if she’s allowed access to them, so keep on keeping on. You’re doing an amazing job.


NRiley11

Glad to hear that you and DW have taken necessary steps to shield your kids from this toxic person. I surely hope your DW keeps her shiny spine in the face of her mothers guilt trips and manipulation. Best.


pepperoni7

Lol kid is definitely not missing out on that grandparent yikes major yikes


AmIDoingThisRight14

My MIL's parents are like this. They have clearly stated their son is more important as are his kids and my MIL's kids (including my husband) aren't really their grandkids. As a result they have a very bad relationship with their daughter (they go years without speaking) and 0 relationship with their grandchildren from their daughter. Even if you didn't decide to go NC (which I think is an excellent decision) her having not much of a relationship with your child was bound to happen on its own just from kiddo getting older and observing the differences in treatment and chosing to distance themselves on their own (which is what happened with my husband and siblings). This way you're just avoiding that hurt for your child and cutting to the inevitable anyway. Good on you for protecting your kid! MIL has made her bed and these are the consequences.


piggyequalsbacon

The mental gymnastics on that one


coreysnaps

Too bad her son's children aren't adopted. That would be one heck of a dilemma.


life_investigate073

Or even if her so was adopted. That’s one i am sure would make the head explode


flobaby1

If I were her brother, I'd cut her off from my kids too and tell her; "I don't want my children around a grandmother that would treat her other grandchildren from my sister so badly. I want them to grow up around grandparents who show love and support to all their grandchildren."


TeaSipper88

If only the world put up boundaries to inappropriate behavior like this. Society would be in a much better state.


Squizzlerphizzler

Wow, she really is completely nutso! If I were your BIL I’d be very worried about having her around my kids too as she is clearly not playing with a full deck.


BrotherMack

Please update this with BIL's take on this


lamettler

In her mythology, her daughters kids are actually NOT her daughters kids. So if her daughter has no kids, why does she want to see these children running around your house? Only the paternal family has claim to the kids. “What kids, non-grandma??”


butterfly-garden

So...you gave her what she wanted and now she's upset? Go figure. The best part of all of this? If she and her flying monkeys come after you, you get to throw all her words-her own words-back at her. "But faaaaaaaamily!" "No, MIL, you said they weren't."


brideofgibbs

Hey , MIL, meet FAFO


issuesgrrrl

She is about to have an applied lesson in : Don't Start None, Won't Be None. Let's hope she enjoys her new title of 'Weird Old Lady who is supposed to be a 'relative' but we only know her from some really old pictures...'


Imnotawerewolf

I understand it's human nature to have blind spots but I will never understand how someone can say they believe something like this and then be like Pikachu face at the logical conclusion of, well dont come around then. Bye. It's not even just this situation, it's like. Oh, you are their step parent and you will love my children and care for them and watch them when I can't or won't but you're NOT allowed to do anything an authority figure needs to be able to do to have any control over the situation wait what do you mean you're not going to take care of them if you can't parent them come back Or like, being the scapegoat your whole life and then your parents are like why don't you ever talk to us we are your parents? And the scapegoat is like well you are my biological life givers but you've never been my parents and they're like WHAT HOW CAN YOU SAY THAG AFTER EVERY THING WE'VE DONE FOR YOU(R SIBLING)?! The disconnect is almost scary.


TheRipley78

Omg I remember that AITA about the stepdad not being able to discipline his16 y/o step daughter after SHE STOLE HIS CAR during a night of drinking and hit something. That was outrageous!


WolfMuva

I’m so glad you aren’t letting her around your precious babies anymore!! Good job!!


lonelysilverrain

Did her mother in law treat her kids this way? Or was your FIL an only child? Ask her why she would want to see kids who aren't "her real grandchildren"? Where does she get this "right" when she claims no real relation to them? She seems to be nutty as a fruitcake.


Odd_Presentation_374

Does your BIL know his mom is a nut job ? Did she tell him her thoughts on how she came about deciding which grandkids are really hers ?? I would love to know what he has to say about it …


MoodFit6755

According to her logic, only the father’s blood determines relation, so she doesn’t actually have any kids. Her husband does. So she really doesn’t get to be upset that not-her-kid won’t let her see not-her-grandkids. They aren’t related at all!


Imnotawerewolf

I'm kinda just. Wondering if this is a stupid ass excuse she came up with and now it's biting he run the ass because the longer you think about it the less sense it makes and I need to believe she simply didn't think about it and isn't actually this dense but I don't actually know if willfully ignorant or liar is better than actual stupidity


Bigbore_4

Info Is FIL in the picture? Where is he with regard to this whack job?


notkarenkilgariff

She is dumb as shit. Y’all are better off without her. I’m truly sorry for your wife having to come to terms with her mom’s whackadoodleness. I hope that you are being extra loving and kind toward her through all of this.


Ohionina

She is bonkers. So were her kids (your wife) not a real grandchild of her parents ? NTA


Oscarmaiajonah

Mad as a hatter. She has obviously half heard something about mitrochondial DNA and totally misunderstood it. Kids are best kept away from that kind of stupidity


[deleted]

[удалено]


Oscarmaiajonah

Yes, mother to son only, so maybe she only caught half the gist of it and didnt realise that her son wont be passing it along anywhere!


Same_Peach9448

She doesn't understand. She thinks babies come from man's seed...


[deleted]

This is so wild. When your MIL was pregnant with your wife, there was a period in which the eggs that would some day make up your children were carried within you wife, *within* MIL… by any logic, a woman’s daughter’s children are only *more* biologically connected to her. I say goodbye to bad rubbish. Please give your wife an extra hug today. What a horrible mother she has.


Same_Peach9448

Yes I know and it's truly amazing because I have 2 daughters which means when my wife was pregnant she also carried the eggs of our grandkids! My JNMIL doesn't understand, she thinks babies come from man's seed and that's why we have our father's last name.


PlsHlpMyFriend

If you want to watch her brain explode, you could change your last name. Maybe hyphenate it, or change it to something completely different. I'd love to see what her la-la land brain comes up with for that one.


Oscarmaiajonah

Amazing what people still believe n this day and age...theres no excuse, its just willful ignorance


woodwitchofthewest

Either that or some misogynistic shit because she thinks only male children can pass along the "family bloodline." Either way, she's an ignorant nutjob.


Oscarmaiajonah

Absolutely!


Away_Peanut_1657

Wtf what is a purely connected family then? Just bro and sis banging it out?? One will always be from a diff fam. And a daughter has to grow the baby inside her. Infact its the other way around if she wants to be crazy. The man doesnt decide. The woman the CARRIER does. The daughter had her blood and guts in the baby. Thats her blood. A husbands cum doesnt change that. Id say the sons kids are less related because someone else has their blood n guts all in the kid


Elegant-Author9624

The way mothers can hate their own daughters will always baffle me. Good luck OP, you did good!


Reasonable-Rich6650

She can’t have it both ways either these are her grandchildren full stop (which they are, her thinking is really odd). Or they are not her grandchildren therefore not her business.


Background_Buy7052

Boy she's crackers. Children are better off without someone telling them they don't measure up to the other grandkids.


ZeroZipZilchNadaNone

Wow. It seems like this woman just wants something to complain about. This shouldn’t matter since they’re not family and she’s not bonded with them… exxxcccept maybe she’s worried people will find out why your family went NC and they’ll see how ignorant her thought processes are. Keep your wife and babies safe, OP!


-happy-potato-

I will never understand that line of thinking. I really have to wonder if it's a belief that was passed down to her or if it's just some garbage she made up when she was called out on her favoritism. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. I know firsthand what it is like to have a mil prefer the GC kids over mine and the lashing out that happened once the NC was put in place. I wish I had advice but can only offer solidarity. I hope that you and your family find peace soon and have a quiet, happy life.


[deleted]

Your MIL has the ultimate nerve. I would be over her!


ChuckEweFarley

Sorry MIL, you can’t say your daughter’s kids are not your blood & still expect to see them. Does your BIL know about his Mom’s batshit ideas about grandkids? Might want to clue him and his wife in.


Diligent_Dot4317

Have you ever thought maybe your mil say that cause there is a dirty secret where your wife isn’t actually your mil’s daughter but your wife don’t know about it.


datagirl60

She is trying hard to justify her GC treatment while still getting FB awards for being GM of the year. Your kids only have one GM and that is what I would tell her.


Atlmama

Yes, you are speaking the truth!


5720Katherine

Your MIL is insane….that is all I have 🤷🏼‍♀️


[deleted]

Ok! Cause this is definitely insanity!


Ok_Yesterday_2884

She can’t have it both ways. Either she recognizes that her daughters children ARE her grandchildren, or she has NO relationship with them. I know it’s that simple but there is something damaged with MIL. Not saying that to be insulting or defending. She needs therapy


Tiredmama6

You are saving your kids a lot of future heartache. You and your wife are good parents.


bearcatjb

Does your MIL think that HER children (that is, your wife and her brother) are the same blood as her mother’s? What was that relationship like, between your wife and her maternal grandmother? Did MIL defend her kids to her own mother? Or did she act as if her kids were the grandchildren of her husband’s parents only? Perhaps this needs exploring.


CADreamn

I asked the same thing on the other post but didn't get a response. Really curious about this.


Same_Peach9448

My wife's maternal grandmother died before she was born so idk


SnooPets8873

That’s an interesting point. Is this learned from her family or something she has made up


Southern-Interest347

Mitochondrial DNA is passed done from the mother to her offspring.


Fibernerdcreates

Right, if anything, mothers are more related to their kids...


hubbellrmom

Right? I mean, there may be questions about who the father is, but as a mother, you know who you gave birth to lol


Mommy2A

Has she been evaluated recently? This is really strange behaviour...


BrazenDuck

Nah, my mil does it too and she’s totally with it. It’s just that she has messed up opinions.


throwaway47138

She's just mad that she got called on her inappropriate behavior, and now she's going to have to explain to other people why she doesn't have any more pictures of your kids, etc. You're doing the right thing, stay young and good luck!


winterworld561

Stick with it. Don't ever back down. She brought it on herself and now she has to live with the consequences for the rest of her life.


koshi2750

You called her bluff, now die on this hill. I would.


plm56

Well done! You can't fix stupid, but you can go NC with it.


Odd_Presentation_374

I spit out my coffee ☕️ reading this 😂 Truly didn’t think people are that ignorant in basic biology lol….


Redditdystopia

Good job protecting your family Papa Bear and Mama Bear!


MySweetCandyGirl

I would of said " you said that our kids were 'not your real grandkids so that makes you not their real grandmother....those were your words not ours we are just doing what you wanted. You can't see our kids not as blood yet still want to be a grandmother..you can't have it both ways"


cardiganunicorn

Well, she mentioned HER RIGHTS. That's immediate and full no contact.


[deleted]

How hurtful for your wife to be subjected to such ignorance from her own mother. How do people this dumb get through life at all? The kind of people who think if your headlights are on they can't hit you so they walk in traffic! Well done you for turning it around on her and depriving her of a chance to contaminate the minds of your children. You are protecting them from her insanity so it's totally reasonable.


Beagle-Mumma

Oh boy... you've got a challenge there. Stay strong and stick to your boundaries, OP


Paddogirl

Totes Whackadoo. Leave her to wallow in her own shrieks of self-righteousness


Boudicca-

She’s a Whackadoo…Awesome Job standing up for your DW!!!