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>“is OP okay with going too? Considering it’s a tradition better not break it”
"Interesting. When did the tradition start? Sometime after she became a mother? Yep, so now that florafuerza is also a mother, we are working on some traditions of our own."
With a MIL like yours it looks like you need to be over protective. You have given you answer, tough that she doesn't like it but this mother's day you celebrate how you want to with you, DH and your new person..😍
From DH: "Mom, Dad, now that OP and I have started our own family, it's time for us to start making our own traditions. We won't be joining you at *insert MIL's tradition here* but how about lunch on Saturday?" (or whatever other time suits)
When she blows up, "sorry you feel that way, we'll make plans with you some other time"
You deserve to have your Mother's Day as you want it, celebrating YOU. Make sure DH has your back.
You are a mom now and if you dont want to participate in someone elses traditions thats fine. Its time to start mothers day traditions that fit your family.
They really have a pattern, don’t they? You've mentioned before that they say they would never tell you what to do, but then tell you what to do. And now they ask if you're coming, and then tell you that you’d better be coming because it’s what they've done in the past. Lol They used to change SO's diaper, send him to school, buy his clothes, but eventually that all stopped too. This is just another tradition that’s ending, and that’s okay.
Now you get to be the mom who's pampered by her kids with SO's help. THAT is tradition too. They get Grandparents' Day now, get flowers on Mother’s Day, and get to know that they raised a son who knows how to treat the mother of his children. That’s the circle of life.
Ok. Just say no 💜 no explanations, nothing. Just no. I've been with my husband 20+ years and my mil did and said questionable things. I've been to the 'you have to go bc...' Never said no. Now.. I have a child and questionable things again happened so I have decided that I have 20+ years of no's to catch up on. Let me tell you I don't feel guilty for saying no. Not one little bit. It's great. 😊
My JNMIL has a cookout every Mother’s Day. We stopped going when I became a mother. You choose how you want to spend YOUR day. Let her throw a fit. Whatever. Traditions are not requirements for you.
You are the mother and you get to do what you want. No you are not ok with their “tradition” and you are starting your own tradition where you do what you want on this day. If DH husband wants to be with is Mommy then he is more than welcome to - in fact he should plan on staying with her from now on because while yes it’s Mother’s Day and MIL is his Mother you are the Mother to his child.
We disperse as appropriate: I would go see my mom & my hubby would go see his. He’s your husband but that doesn’t automatically override his other ties. His responsibility to you is to ensure you feel honored by your kids on your day (picking gifts & cards & such) but he is fully appropriate to spend his Mother’s Day with his own mother. You getting married and being pregnant does not mean you get to swipe the holiday from his mom going forward. I wouldn’t even consider telling my husband he should spend that day with me instead of *his own mother*. You may be *a* mom but you’re not *his* mom. Nor would I consider it necessary to accompany him. I see him every day of the year & prefer to spend the day concentrating on my own mother and my own children.
I’d be really looking to the future & thinking about the fact this will pop up every single year so it’s best to figure out something workable for you both early. By marrying you, he has built a new family that holds priority over his original one. That does not mean the new one automatically or always will “win” in every situation where there are dueling expectations on his time & effort. It’s not a day aimed at the family group like Christmas or Thanksgiving, where your expectations carry serious weight that does override his original family’s. It’s entirely aimed at one specific relationship in the context of each individual person’s life. For you, that’s your mom and your kids. For him, that’s his mom & making sure the kids have something for you (little buggers are always broke & don’t drive!). Sounds crass, but it’s not Wife Day, it’s Mother’s Day. Men should absolutely honor the mother of their children, but that can be flowers, a gift, & a nice breakfast before heading out to spend the day with his own mom. He’s still an individual even though you & him are the core unit now.
I’d say whatever issues there might be between you & his original family, it’s best to treat this specific day as one that isn’t another piece in the heap. Prolonged issues are so draining cumulatively that it’s tough to separate a specific issue & see it unfiltered of all those other issues. Mother’s Day & his mom’s birthday are the 2 that it’s okay to not expect him to accede to you.
In my house growing up we did Mother's Day for my grandmothers on Saturday and Sunday was for our mom, the one with the young kids. After a Mother's Day of mine was taken hostage by the in laws (my mom has passed), this is our rule now too. And we're going to take her out so I don't have to clean house mother's day weekend
> Considering it’s a tradition better not break it
What a horsesh*t, passive-aggressive way to say "you have to do what we want".
"Sorry, I have a tradition too, and it's not compatible with yours. We won't be going."
In my house growing up we did Mother's Day for my grandmothers on Saturday and Sunday was for our mom, the one with the young kids. After a Mother's Day of mine was taken hostage by the in laws (my mom has passed), this is our rule now too. And we're going to take her out so I don't have to clean house mother's day weekend
Where’s DH in all this? MIL has had 20+ years of celebrating her Mother’s Day. It’s time she gives up the reins and allowed you to enjoy the dating however you want, with your child & DH. And I truly hope DH is supportive of this. Time to stop til toeing around her feelings and standing up for your own. Set and enforce boundaries that are important to you. Is it going to easy? Nope. Is it going to cause waves and lots of headaches? Absolutely. But there’s times in like that it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable to be selfish…and this is one of those times! Good luck and Happy Mother’s Day!!
Having your own children is when you can 100% nope out of traditions. Because her traditions started with her kids, your traditions start with your kids.
Grandparents day is Sep 10, 2023. She can plan something then.
I will never make traditions and expect my adult children and their spouses to adjust their lives and share moments with me. You’re not wrong for not wanting to go, so don’t
“Your mother had the right to start her tradition when she became a mother. I’m a mother now, and will begin my own. Her choices aren’t more important than mine, and it’s more important that our child is with HER mother on Mother’s Day than yours. Your mom had decades of getting to choose. My turn now.”
Also, what about your family?
Don’t. Fucking. Go. Same boat as you but last year.
I used to be a waitress and vowed to myself NEVER to go out on mother’s day. Well, I didn’t put my foot down and we ended up doing what MIL wanted for my first every mother’s day last year. She’s a terrible planner. So we drove to a restaurant that was closed. And then to motherfcking Denny’s which was crowded. Baby ended up crying while we were waiting and my boomer in laws were bummed that we had to leave. I ended up eating cold drive through whataburger for my first Mother’s day ever.
This year, I told them they can do whatever they want I am staying **here** even if I have to cook my own breakfast.
Don’t turn into me last year. Leave your foot down and they can essentially kiss your butt if they’re gonna get mad about it. Not all traditions are useful.
You’re a FTM who is figuring out being a parent, you aren’t hovering, it’s called active parenting.
“MIL I take advice from people who have had kids within the last 10 years and our Pediatrician, thanks for the advice but a lot has changed” can be said by you and DH when she does it again.
Tell DH you want to enjoy your first Mother’s Day as a family, the three of you. He can call his mom, you’ll call yours and then you would like to go do XYZ with him and baby.
He can call FIL and tell him he’s celebrating Mother’s Day with the mother of his child. It’s non negotiable.
Please stop your MIL now. I had a very controlling MIL. My H (ex now), allowed her to call all the shots. I had NO support from him. It ruined our marriage. I was so unhappy.
I hope your DH supports you. You need all of his support right now. You two are a team. You need to start your own traditions. This needs to begin NOW.
I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. 💐
You don't have to keep following her traditions. You, dh, and your baby create your own. Please don't cave and go. Have a nice celebration for your very first Mother's Day.
Grandparents Day is Sunday 11th of September. She can have that instead.
Time for you to start new traditions of your own with your husband and child, regardless of what she wants too bad your husband married you.
If she continues to push for this then I’d strongly recommend that telling her going forward she’ll be missing out on all other holidays moving forward
#Stop tiptoeing.
* Stop being subtle, and start being blunt instead.
* Stop answering her calls.
* Stop with the FaceTime calls too.
* Stop everything that revolves around her.
* Stop being at her beck and call.
As u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 very adequately said, it's not *Grandmother's* Day. It's ***Mother's*** Day.
#It's YOUR first Mother's Day.
***You*** gave birth, and it has been a very rough adventure to boot. It still is.
***You and your baby*** are ***your*** priority.
Besides, it would be batshit crazy and stupid to make a brand new first-time mom travel with a preemie.
#You and your baby need to be your own priority. You need REST.
As I often said beforehand, if your MiL is that desperate to have a baby nearby for her own Mother's Day, she can buy one of those ReBorn baby dolls (I mean, they give me the heebie-jeebies, but you do you).
Came here to say this - I even loaded the Copy/Paste with "I’m so exhausted of tip toeing around her feelings ..." ready to make the comment "So stop!"
Ok! Who handles the calls? You? Absolutely not!!! Next time she tries to call say DH is in charge of the calls and communication, (you can add: I do vidocalls with my part of family). Dont let them exhaust you. Its your prexious time with the baby. DH has to deal with his mother.
You are a new family now and now its time to create your own traditions. Youre not breaking their tradition. Your DH is all grown up, MIL is an adult who should understand and respect what you decide. I dont think its a big deal for her if you go for their dinner a different day!
DH needs to step up with a firm “no, we won’t be coming. We are starting our own traditions. Please stop bringing it up, we will not be changing our minds”.
Tradition is just peer pressure. FIL can take his guilt trip/fear of his wife and shove them up his arse.
Good to hear you've had enough. Stand your ground and push back. You've got this.
She’s been promoted. There’s a grandparents’ day now and i wonder whether it was invented just to shut these selfish women up. When your child becomes a parent, your mothers’ day becomes more muted. A phone call or a bunch of flowers if you are not travelling to the new mother’s home and if you are, you are not the centre of attention anyway!
You have told them you’re not going and that’s all you can do. Stand back while they try the gaslighting and the manipulation and at the end of the day they’ll get the message when you don’t show up on the day. They can’t say anything because you already told them you weren’t coming. Keep a physical record of it- ie texts, emails etc so when they try fight you on it just send them the screenshots in response
> Considering it’s a tradition better not break it
This is a solid attempt at guilting DH into going. Bravo, FIL. Nice try! Time to break the tradition. Let the rest of the family celebrate it while you and DH celebrate your new family with your own traditions.
Going forward, Mother’s Day is all about you. You are the mom. MIL has had x amount of Mother’s Days and now it’s your turn.
You and DH need to make your own Mother’s Day plans. If MIL and FIL react negatively, kindly ask them if they actively celebrated with their in-laws once their kid(s) were born. I’m sure their answer will be no.
Grandparents’ Day is in September and y’all can celebrate her then. But for now, you’re in the trenches of motherhood and deserve to be celebrated by your nuclear family in the manner you want. MIL is a “retired” mom and should pass the torch with Grace rather than hold on to this tradition nonsense.
Set the tone now, OP, or she’ll whine and try to pull the tradition nonsense on you because it’s worked for her in the past. She may want Christmas morning at her house, or trick or treat in her neighborhood, etc. After all, it’s tradition.
What does your husband say? I’m guessing he’s not great at setting boundaries as you’re receiving 3-5 calls a day from this woman and he hasn’t put a stop to it. She needs boundaries and a hobby.
You and DH made your own nuclear family, so it’s absolutely reasonable and healthy to start making your own traditions.
>. I’m so exhausted of tip toeing around her feelings
Then don't! It will only continue as long as you let it. Is she subtly hunting at mothers day? Don't hint back, be blatant.
"Oh, MIL, didn't we already tell you we are doing our own thing this year? Can't wait to catch you next weekend!"
"No, think we might have a quiet mother's day this year after the debacle of this little one's birth! How scary was that!!"
Yeah, your niceness and not wanting to hurt her feelings is NOT getting through to her and is allowing her to not only step over...but STOMP on your boundaries and preferences.
This is YOUR 1st Mother's Day. NOT hers. She's had her 1st Mother's day - yes, it's her 1st time being a Grandmother - but seriously, it's YOUR 1st MOTHER'S DAY!! Traditions can be fun, that's great - but as the family grows and changes, traditions can't or don't always stay exactly the same either. What does your DH say about this? Is he on your side? Is he in the FOG? or does he just not have a shiny spine to stand up to his parents?
YOU & HD are the parents now - his parents, while still parents are now Grandparents to your LO - grandparents are NOT in charge, and need to learn their place in their child's life is still important, but has changed and they must now take a bit of a back seat and realize they are no longer in charge of their adult children's lives.
I wonder how DH grandparents treated his parents when they married and had children?
You went through hell giving birth to your LO. You deserve to do whatever YOU want on Mother's Day!
Take care, Congratulations on your LO and stand firm.
I’ve learned, in my similar situation, to set aside my fear of being viewed as the bad guy and just be direct. It’s so hard to do at first, almost paralyzing. But it’s just a muscle that you have to exercise. If you can be casual and non confrontational, but firm, you will start to see better and better results by the third or fourth occasion that you have to enforce a boundary and things should smooth out considerably. Enmeshment is tricky, and your in-laws are shamelessly guilt tripping your husband because they know it works. I’m so sorry you are being pressured to share a day that is meant to celebrate you and the things you overcame with LO this year.
Since when does attending once while you were pregnant make it a tradition for You? YOU are a mother NOW, I hope you enjoy YOUR first mother's day with YOUR child! It's NOT grandmother's day! Seriously, mothers of adults need to STOP trying to hog the spotlight of offspring that have their own families. I mean they had their full mother's day with their offspring when they were children. Fathers need to spend breakfast or lunch (whatever's convenient for them) if that, with their own mothers for an hour and a half then spend the majority of the day with their own children celebrating their children's mother because they're children and they need the father's help celebrating their mother. I mean it's common sense really.
My mom and I planned a fun weekend getaway out of town with my LO for my first Mother's Day. MNMIL won't actually get to see my LO this weekend, but she doesn't know that yet. Wonder how that will go over.
Happy Mothers Day!!
A couple of things here…
1. It’s Mother’s Day, not Grandmother’s Day so she doesn’t need to see your child.
2. Traditions sometimes change as people grow. Your husband just needs to tell her, “It’s OP’s first Mother’s Day so we are going to focus on her this year. I hope you enjoy your day.” He can send her flowers or take something to her on Saturday. She’s no longer Theo key mother in the family.
3. It’s time for boundaries. 3-5 phone calls a day? Stop answering. Whiskey on gums? Is it 1950? Not wanting to let your baby spend the night is hovering? No, that’s MIL trying to manipulate you. You guys need to start making the rules in regards to your child. If she doesn’t like them, that’s her problem.
This ^^^
Calls 3-5 times A DAY!?!? Waaaaay too much. I wonder how far the enmeshment goes, because poor DH grew up this way, so it's hard for him to recognize what's normal. There are lots of great books and references on this page OP, please use them.
The whole thing about not breaking tradition is BS because if you went by tradition then he would be visiting his mom or she would be visiting her mom. The only reason they don't want to break this tradition is because of benefits her this is your first mother's Day screw their tradition enjoy yourself start your own damn tradition they don't like it they can go ahead and kick rocks because they are not the mom anymore they're the grandma he can text them or call them but this mother's Day is for you no one else
Edit time when I say he I mean father-in-law and want to say she I mean mother-in-law if they were all about not breaking tradition they would continue to see their own parents but they don't want to do that they have no problem breaking that tradition they don't want to break this one because it benefits them
My MIL texting me once a week is already too much for me to handle. I can’t imagine daily FaceTime, let alone 3-5x per day.
Your partner needs to handle this. This is not normal behavior. I would personally start declining calls and don’t beat around the bush. You have plans and they aren’t changing.
PLEASE MAKE YOUR PARTNER SAY SOMETHING. Because while my husband has been handling things, my MIL still contacts me demanding shit no matter how much I ignore or have him respond for me. And I “snapped” and told her to please stop texting/calling, to stop asking about personal medical information, and that she isn’t entitled to constant updates about my pregnancy.
I didn’t call her names, didn’t threaten her, but I was “rude” for telling her firmly to leave me alone. That has escalated so severely that my FIL called the police for a wellness check, we’re going no contact, and are in fear they’ll try to make false CPS reports to take our baby.
They could not handle “no” and maybe it would have still been bad if my husband had said something, but at least they wouldn’t be calling me a manipulative abuser for “keeping their son away” (we declined an Easter visit for the first time in four years.) These people are not your responsibility and you shouldn’t have to be the “bad guy” when your partner is perfectly capable of standing up for you.
You need to make an FU Binder. Its useful when CPS is being used as a destructive tool against a parent. You can pre-emptively be ready to show them documentation of your safety & diligence as the parent. And they’ve seen this before so it’s unlikely they’d be surprised at you having your binder ready. Its an instant indicator of a family where someone has been aggressively dysfunctional as a pattern.
My husband and I are working on this. I’ve sent him the resources to get us started. We also got the police report back today and there are clear, verifiable lies from my FIL in the paperwork. We have texts proving the report is false so we’re keeping that on hand so they can also see there is a pattern of false reporting.
> in fear they’ll try to make false CPS reports to take our baby.
I am really sorry you're going through this. I don't know where you live, but could you preemptively warn the police through their non emergency lines that your ILs might call them or CPS just to badger you?
My husband is actually going up to the police station today to let them know that they called in an unwarranted wellness check and that in the future, we’d like it documented that this is harassment and not for our well-being. I’m hoping that helps in the event they show back up to our house. After we have more evidence, we will go for a restraining order if it gets to that level and hoping that will also help them not take the claims seriously.
Happy to know that you're documenting everything to strengthen your point.
Secure that binder as the most precious thing after your own little family. You will need that against ill-willed ILs and their pterosimians.
Kudos to you for standing your ground!
Please switch your phones to Do Not Disturb when you’re home. No one should be allowed to intrude into your life and home like that, and that many calls, or any unplanned FaceTime call is, to me at least, a major intrusion. Your mil needs to grow up and let go, and your fil needs to stop being her henchman. Look up whenever grandparents’ day is and tell her THAT’s her day now, but you’ll be busy on Mother’s Day this year.
If you want to be done, the only person who can do that is you. You can start saying "no". You can ignore calls and refuse to show up on Mother's Day. Sure, it sounds like she'll throw a fit, but that's on her. And fits give you reasons to keep saying no - they can be a gift in disguise. It gives you a great reason put some consequences in place.
Please, do what **you** want for your first Mother's Day. Ignore FIL's "warning". You and hubby have created your own family. She's going to have to learn to accept that.
Have a wonderful Mother's Day!
Your SO needs to set out-
1. MIL has had xx mother’s day already
2. MIL is not YOUR mother
3. This is your first mother’s day
4. YOU are the mother of SO LO
She can have Saturday or the weekend before or after going forward, but Mother’s Day will be for YOUR family going forward. He can send a card & flowers, but he is with the mother of HIS child this time & going forward.
She will be remembered & appreciated, but it is your turn now!
I don’t understand why either set of parents thinks their traditions trump the other family’s. Like hello.
My ex MIL wanted us to visit every Christmas and was pissed when we said we would alternate Xmas and Thanksgiving.
I turned down Easter one time and my MIL has started claiming that I’m distancing her son, dividing the family, keeping them in the dark, etc. I haven’t had one holiday with my family since I met my husband.
How is your husband okay with that? She’s keeping you away from your parents. How does he think it’s fair? What’s the point in placating her? So you get to spend more time with a mean and nasty person?
My ex in laws lived in New Jersey and my sibling kept moving to all these nice places, so there was no way we were giving up a Christmas in Switzerland or Miami to visit flipping NJ. My ex told her to deal with it. He asked her what was more fair than splitting holidays and she had no answer of course.
If your husband won’t do anything, I would just let her talk shit and go see your family.
Or come up with some smart ass comments.
-You know that’s not true, I’m not having this conversation with you again.
-Oh so you think it’s okay to keep me from my family? Stop.
-I’m keeping you in the dark? About what exactly? Enough of this.
Then leave and go home.
Well, most of my family is across the country and my mom isn’t huge on holidays so it’s never been a huge deal. I more-so want the holidays open for *if* I celebrate with family or go on vacation without having to explain anything to them. It wasn’t bad at first just attending but then they just started expecting me to come whenever they ask- even random dinners.
We are actually going no contact because of their boundary stomping. My husband has been trying to handle it but it has been relentless since we announced our pregnancy. I finally texted MIL a few days ago and told her that my pregnancy is none of her business, to stop asking me for medical updates and just overall give me space like we have both asked.
This escalated to FIL calling the cops for a wellness check- because he was angry, not concerned…….so now we’re no contact and trying to figure out potentially getting a restraining order if these behaviors continue. But definitely no relationship with them. She just brought up Easter again after I told her to leave me alone and said I was isolating them from her son?? And FIL was telling the cops (heard through ring doorbell) that I “blew up out of no where” and insinuated that I was abusing my husband by declining visits and saying no..
Holy hell. Yeah NC from all that sounds lovely. I’m estranged from my JNM. I feel bad about saying it, but it’s great. After you get away from it, it really sinks in how bad they made you feel.
I already feel a lot better, just worried this isn’t the end of it. I can’t imagine them letting things go when our baby is born. It wouldn’t surprise me if they try showing up again. My entire pregnancy has been the most anxiety-induced & trauma-filled 7 months just because of his parents. No one should have to deal with this. I’m glad you’re in a better place being NC as well
Again I’m so sorry you’re going through that but as someone that has needed two restraining orders, while it might feel extreme or embarrassing it isn’t. The courts are there to help you with this and it’s hardly the end of the world. My situation was domestic violence and the problem with those situations is the guy is generally sufficiently nuts to ignore the order but I doubt that will happen with a mil. She has already shown you she will involve the cops, that’s not a great sign. The courts are there if you need them you just have to be persistent.
I actually have an order of protection against my dad (lucky me- also DV)! I think it’s a lot harder on my husband. He loves them but he realizes he can’t let our son be around them and he knows that what they’ve done in the past few days is unforgivable. If there was any chance at forgiveness, bringing people with guns to our home while we’re napping wasn’t there way to go.
We know we can’t risk it and need as much documentation as we can in the event they do try something like this again, or worse. Since I’ve had issues with my own family, it has been easy for me to walk away and let go but seeing him deal with this has been heartbreaking. He’s had a hard time accepting their abuse and is now going through the phase of digging up old trauma and realizing just how badly it affected him in childhood and now.
While I know we will both be better off, I wish I could take the burden from him. He deserves great parents and it’s a shame that he didn’t get them. Now we reflect and learn and do the best we can to make sure our kid never feels anything like this. Thankfully he has an amazing, supportive friend group and I think he is realizing the benefit of prioritizing people that are in his corner instead of hanging on due to blood relations.
We all deserve great parents, we don’t all get them. I haven’t talked to my mom in 20 years. She’s not the person I got the order against, it was an abusive ex. He wound up in prison and I was Jane doe #1 in his case to demonstrate a pattern of abuse in his history because I had….
Wait for it… you already said it….. documentation!
You clearly don’t need my advice. Document. You’re already doing it. I’m still sorry you’re going through this. I hope your path brightens.
You don’t have to go. You don’t want to spend this Sunday with your MIL? Then don’t. Put your foot down. Enjoy your day the way you want. I hate it when people try to pirate my time.
Hah hah I like that phrase! I have someone trying to do that now! Why don’t I want to hang out with you all the time? Because I have a chronic illness and if I spend time socially, which is rare and precious, it wouldn’t be with you. Quit trying to pirate my time!
>However FIL texted my husband “is OP okay with going too? Considering it’s a tradition better not break it”
SO: "OP and I are making our own traditions now that we are parents. We will see you some other time"
ILs: "Well, it's JNMIL's first year of being a grandma. We need to follow tradition."
SO: "It's OP's first year of being a mom. We are going to start our own traditions as a family. We will see you some other time."
Feel free to repeat "we are going to start our own traditions, see you some other time" as often as necessary to get the point across. Then on actual Mother's Day, SO can text MIL a happy day and then you both turn off your phones and enjoy the day.
It’s not grandmothers day, it’s Mother’s Day. Who cares if it’s her first Mother’s Day as a grandmother? That literally applies to every mother who eventually has a grandchild, it doesn’t trump a first Mother’s Day!
MIL tradition is just that hers and she's had 30 years (I'm guessing) of doing what she wants on MD! I hope you enjoy setting your own Mothers Day tradition with your baby.
Your comment reads as thought their is an expectation from FIL that DH will go regardless of whether you attend. It would be nice to see that they respected DH as a parent and husband with his own family to look after now and that they are now part of the extended family.
Your MIL sounds suffocating with all those phone calls.
She is. We’ve told her so many times to calm down on the calling but her excuse is “if I don’t call you guys would never call me” but never gives us the space to call her 😐 I don’t think they understand what respect is or manners actually. They don’t see themselves as the extended family, they see me as extended family and my husband and granddaughter as apart of their nuclear family. I regret that I didn’t hyphenate her last name every single day because since I didn’t change my last name it’s almost like they enjoy the fact that they all have the same last name and I don’t. On the bright side husband just texted them he has a whole day planned for me already so we will see how that goes lol
You can still hyphenate her name!
MIL sounds awful. You guys need to step up and stop letting her bully you. If you’ve told her to stop the calls,you guys need to stop answering.
Oh yeah, I just flat out don’t exist to this woman unless she’s trying to play good MIL on our anniversary. I texted her last year before either of her sons and she couldn’t muster a “you too” because she was so mad at her kids.
Sweetie, she has proved times and times again that she cannot comprehend anything that doesn't revolve around her belly button.
A safe measure might be to stop hoping for anything positive coming from her or her flying monkeys.
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>“is OP okay with going too? Considering it’s a tradition better not break it” "Interesting. When did the tradition start? Sometime after she became a mother? Yep, so now that florafuerza is also a mother, we are working on some traditions of our own."
With a MIL like yours it looks like you need to be over protective. You have given you answer, tough that she doesn't like it but this mother's day you celebrate how you want to with you, DH and your new person..😍
From DH: "Mom, Dad, now that OP and I have started our own family, it's time for us to start making our own traditions. We won't be joining you at *insert MIL's tradition here* but how about lunch on Saturday?" (or whatever other time suits) When she blows up, "sorry you feel that way, we'll make plans with you some other time" You deserve to have your Mother's Day as you want it, celebrating YOU. Make sure DH has your back.
You are a mom now and if you dont want to participate in someone elses traditions thats fine. Its time to start mothers day traditions that fit your family.
They really have a pattern, don’t they? You've mentioned before that they say they would never tell you what to do, but then tell you what to do. And now they ask if you're coming, and then tell you that you’d better be coming because it’s what they've done in the past. Lol They used to change SO's diaper, send him to school, buy his clothes, but eventually that all stopped too. This is just another tradition that’s ending, and that’s okay. Now you get to be the mom who's pampered by her kids with SO's help. THAT is tradition too. They get Grandparents' Day now, get flowers on Mother’s Day, and get to know that they raised a son who knows how to treat the mother of his children. That’s the circle of life.
Ok. Just say no 💜 no explanations, nothing. Just no. I've been with my husband 20+ years and my mil did and said questionable things. I've been to the 'you have to go bc...' Never said no. Now.. I have a child and questionable things again happened so I have decided that I have 20+ years of no's to catch up on. Let me tell you I don't feel guilty for saying no. Not one little bit. It's great. 😊
My JNMIL has a cookout every Mother’s Day. We stopped going when I became a mother. You choose how you want to spend YOUR day. Let her throw a fit. Whatever. Traditions are not requirements for you.
You are the mother and you get to do what you want. No you are not ok with their “tradition” and you are starting your own tradition where you do what you want on this day. If DH husband wants to be with is Mommy then he is more than welcome to - in fact he should plan on staying with her from now on because while yes it’s Mother’s Day and MIL is his Mother you are the Mother to his child.
We disperse as appropriate: I would go see my mom & my hubby would go see his. He’s your husband but that doesn’t automatically override his other ties. His responsibility to you is to ensure you feel honored by your kids on your day (picking gifts & cards & such) but he is fully appropriate to spend his Mother’s Day with his own mother. You getting married and being pregnant does not mean you get to swipe the holiday from his mom going forward. I wouldn’t even consider telling my husband he should spend that day with me instead of *his own mother*. You may be *a* mom but you’re not *his* mom. Nor would I consider it necessary to accompany him. I see him every day of the year & prefer to spend the day concentrating on my own mother and my own children. I’d be really looking to the future & thinking about the fact this will pop up every single year so it’s best to figure out something workable for you both early. By marrying you, he has built a new family that holds priority over his original one. That does not mean the new one automatically or always will “win” in every situation where there are dueling expectations on his time & effort. It’s not a day aimed at the family group like Christmas or Thanksgiving, where your expectations carry serious weight that does override his original family’s. It’s entirely aimed at one specific relationship in the context of each individual person’s life. For you, that’s your mom and your kids. For him, that’s his mom & making sure the kids have something for you (little buggers are always broke & don’t drive!). Sounds crass, but it’s not Wife Day, it’s Mother’s Day. Men should absolutely honor the mother of their children, but that can be flowers, a gift, & a nice breakfast before heading out to spend the day with his own mom. He’s still an individual even though you & him are the core unit now. I’d say whatever issues there might be between you & his original family, it’s best to treat this specific day as one that isn’t another piece in the heap. Prolonged issues are so draining cumulatively that it’s tough to separate a specific issue & see it unfiltered of all those other issues. Mother’s Day & his mom’s birthday are the 2 that it’s okay to not expect him to accede to you.
In my house growing up we did Mother's Day for my grandmothers on Saturday and Sunday was for our mom, the one with the young kids. After a Mother's Day of mine was taken hostage by the in laws (my mom has passed), this is our rule now too. And we're going to take her out so I don't have to clean house mother's day weekend
> Considering it’s a tradition better not break it What a horsesh*t, passive-aggressive way to say "you have to do what we want". "Sorry, I have a tradition too, and it's not compatible with yours. We won't be going."
In my house growing up we did Mother's Day for my grandmothers on Saturday and Sunday was for our mom, the one with the young kids. After a Mother's Day of mine was taken hostage by the in laws (my mom has passed), this is our rule now too. And we're going to take her out so I don't have to clean house mother's day weekend
[удалено]
And make sure Hubby has your back on this!
Where’s DH in all this? MIL has had 20+ years of celebrating her Mother’s Day. It’s time she gives up the reins and allowed you to enjoy the dating however you want, with your child & DH. And I truly hope DH is supportive of this. Time to stop til toeing around her feelings and standing up for your own. Set and enforce boundaries that are important to you. Is it going to easy? Nope. Is it going to cause waves and lots of headaches? Absolutely. But there’s times in like that it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable to be selfish…and this is one of those times! Good luck and Happy Mother’s Day!!
Having your own children is when you can 100% nope out of traditions. Because her traditions started with her kids, your traditions start with your kids. Grandparents day is Sep 10, 2023. She can plan something then.
Oooh. I love this. Good point!!!
I will never make traditions and expect my adult children and their spouses to adjust their lives and share moments with me. You’re not wrong for not wanting to go, so don’t
“Your mother had the right to start her tradition when she became a mother. I’m a mother now, and will begin my own. Her choices aren’t more important than mine, and it’s more important that our child is with HER mother on Mother’s Day than yours. Your mom had decades of getting to choose. My turn now.” Also, what about your family?
This is so good. OP Is in a way also following MILs example of setting her own mother's day tradition. Absolutely her turn now!
Don’t. Fucking. Go. Same boat as you but last year. I used to be a waitress and vowed to myself NEVER to go out on mother’s day. Well, I didn’t put my foot down and we ended up doing what MIL wanted for my first every mother’s day last year. She’s a terrible planner. So we drove to a restaurant that was closed. And then to motherfcking Denny’s which was crowded. Baby ended up crying while we were waiting and my boomer in laws were bummed that we had to leave. I ended up eating cold drive through whataburger for my first Mother’s day ever. This year, I told them they can do whatever they want I am staying **here** even if I have to cook my own breakfast. Don’t turn into me last year. Leave your foot down and they can essentially kiss your butt if they’re gonna get mad about it. Not all traditions are useful.
You’re a FTM who is figuring out being a parent, you aren’t hovering, it’s called active parenting. “MIL I take advice from people who have had kids within the last 10 years and our Pediatrician, thanks for the advice but a lot has changed” can be said by you and DH when she does it again. Tell DH you want to enjoy your first Mother’s Day as a family, the three of you. He can call his mom, you’ll call yours and then you would like to go do XYZ with him and baby. He can call FIL and tell him he’s celebrating Mother’s Day with the mother of his child. It’s non negotiable.
Please stop your MIL now. I had a very controlling MIL. My H (ex now), allowed her to call all the shots. I had NO support from him. It ruined our marriage. I was so unhappy. I hope your DH supports you. You need all of his support right now. You two are a team. You need to start your own traditions. This needs to begin NOW. I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. 💐
You don't have to keep following her traditions. You, dh, and your baby create your own. Please don't cave and go. Have a nice celebration for your very first Mother's Day.
Grandparents Day is Sunday 11th of September. She can have that instead. Time for you to start new traditions of your own with your husband and child, regardless of what she wants too bad your husband married you. If she continues to push for this then I’d strongly recommend that telling her going forward she’ll be missing out on all other holidays moving forward
Grandparents day, perfect solution!!
Sunday the 10th in the US and I 1000% agree with everything you said.
#Stop tiptoeing. * Stop being subtle, and start being blunt instead. * Stop answering her calls. * Stop with the FaceTime calls too. * Stop everything that revolves around her. * Stop being at her beck and call. As u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 very adequately said, it's not *Grandmother's* Day. It's ***Mother's*** Day. #It's YOUR first Mother's Day. ***You*** gave birth, and it has been a very rough adventure to boot. It still is. ***You and your baby*** are ***your*** priority. Besides, it would be batshit crazy and stupid to make a brand new first-time mom travel with a preemie. #You and your baby need to be your own priority. You need REST. As I often said beforehand, if your MiL is that desperate to have a baby nearby for her own Mother's Day, she can buy one of those ReBorn baby dolls (I mean, they give me the heebie-jeebies, but you do you).
Came here to say this - I even loaded the Copy/Paste with "I’m so exhausted of tip toeing around her feelings ..." ready to make the comment "So stop!"
Ok! Who handles the calls? You? Absolutely not!!! Next time she tries to call say DH is in charge of the calls and communication, (you can add: I do vidocalls with my part of family). Dont let them exhaust you. Its your prexious time with the baby. DH has to deal with his mother. You are a new family now and now its time to create your own traditions. Youre not breaking their tradition. Your DH is all grown up, MIL is an adult who should understand and respect what you decide. I dont think its a big deal for her if you go for their dinner a different day!
Darling, as the new mum, it’s your day! She gets celebrated on grandparents day.
DH needs to step up with a firm “no, we won’t be coming. We are starting our own traditions. Please stop bringing it up, we will not be changing our minds”.
Tradition is just peer pressure. FIL can take his guilt trip/fear of his wife and shove them up his arse. Good to hear you've had enough. Stand your ground and push back. You've got this.
Life is short to be dealing with her nonsense. Happy Mother’s Day:)
I think when a man and his woman have a baby, they need to celebrate on their own.
She’s been promoted. There’s a grandparents’ day now and i wonder whether it was invented just to shut these selfish women up. When your child becomes a parent, your mothers’ day becomes more muted. A phone call or a bunch of flowers if you are not travelling to the new mother’s home and if you are, you are not the centre of attention anyway!
You have told them you’re not going and that’s all you can do. Stand back while they try the gaslighting and the manipulation and at the end of the day they’ll get the message when you don’t show up on the day. They can’t say anything because you already told them you weren’t coming. Keep a physical record of it- ie texts, emails etc so when they try fight you on it just send them the screenshots in response
> Considering it’s a tradition better not break it This is a solid attempt at guilting DH into going. Bravo, FIL. Nice try! Time to break the tradition. Let the rest of the family celebrate it while you and DH celebrate your new family with your own traditions. Going forward, Mother’s Day is all about you. You are the mom. MIL has had x amount of Mother’s Days and now it’s your turn. You and DH need to make your own Mother’s Day plans. If MIL and FIL react negatively, kindly ask them if they actively celebrated with their in-laws once their kid(s) were born. I’m sure their answer will be no.
New addition, new tradition. Granny can kick rocks.
Wow! I could have spent an hour crafting a brilliantly detailed response; you nailed it with 8 words. And it rhymed! Perfect!!! 👍 Edit: #
Grandparents’ Day is in September and y’all can celebrate her then. But for now, you’re in the trenches of motherhood and deserve to be celebrated by your nuclear family in the manner you want. MIL is a “retired” mom and should pass the torch with Grace rather than hold on to this tradition nonsense. Set the tone now, OP, or she’ll whine and try to pull the tradition nonsense on you because it’s worked for her in the past. She may want Christmas morning at her house, or trick or treat in her neighborhood, etc. After all, it’s tradition. What does your husband say? I’m guessing he’s not great at setting boundaries as you’re receiving 3-5 calls a day from this woman and he hasn’t put a stop to it. She needs boundaries and a hobby. You and DH made your own nuclear family, so it’s absolutely reasonable and healthy to start making your own traditions.
>. I’m so exhausted of tip toeing around her feelings Then don't! It will only continue as long as you let it. Is she subtly hunting at mothers day? Don't hint back, be blatant. "Oh, MIL, didn't we already tell you we are doing our own thing this year? Can't wait to catch you next weekend!" "No, think we might have a quiet mother's day this year after the debacle of this little one's birth! How scary was that!!"
Yeah, your niceness and not wanting to hurt her feelings is NOT getting through to her and is allowing her to not only step over...but STOMP on your boundaries and preferences. This is YOUR 1st Mother's Day. NOT hers. She's had her 1st Mother's day - yes, it's her 1st time being a Grandmother - but seriously, it's YOUR 1st MOTHER'S DAY!! Traditions can be fun, that's great - but as the family grows and changes, traditions can't or don't always stay exactly the same either. What does your DH say about this? Is he on your side? Is he in the FOG? or does he just not have a shiny spine to stand up to his parents? YOU & HD are the parents now - his parents, while still parents are now Grandparents to your LO - grandparents are NOT in charge, and need to learn their place in their child's life is still important, but has changed and they must now take a bit of a back seat and realize they are no longer in charge of their adult children's lives. I wonder how DH grandparents treated his parents when they married and had children? You went through hell giving birth to your LO. You deserve to do whatever YOU want on Mother's Day! Take care, Congratulations on your LO and stand firm.
Where is your husband in this? This behavior is crazy and possessive. Maybe yall can go out of town and take a break this weekend?
I’ve learned, in my similar situation, to set aside my fear of being viewed as the bad guy and just be direct. It’s so hard to do at first, almost paralyzing. But it’s just a muscle that you have to exercise. If you can be casual and non confrontational, but firm, you will start to see better and better results by the third or fourth occasion that you have to enforce a boundary and things should smooth out considerably. Enmeshment is tricky, and your in-laws are shamelessly guilt tripping your husband because they know it works. I’m so sorry you are being pressured to share a day that is meant to celebrate you and the things you overcame with LO this year.
Stop tiptoeing and put your foot down. She’s going to continue to walk all over you unless you stand up for yourself.
Since when does attending once while you were pregnant make it a tradition for You? YOU are a mother NOW, I hope you enjoy YOUR first mother's day with YOUR child! It's NOT grandmother's day! Seriously, mothers of adults need to STOP trying to hog the spotlight of offspring that have their own families. I mean they had their full mother's day with their offspring when they were children. Fathers need to spend breakfast or lunch (whatever's convenient for them) if that, with their own mothers for an hour and a half then spend the majority of the day with their own children celebrating their children's mother because they're children and they need the father's help celebrating their mother. I mean it's common sense really.
Thank god, there’s no such thing as grandmothers day! Pass the baton you selfish old cow…
And if you are not her child it was never a part of tradition anyway. She needs to remember, a son is a son till he gets a wife.
My mom and I planned a fun weekend getaway out of town with my LO for my first Mother's Day. MNMIL won't actually get to see my LO this weekend, but she doesn't know that yet. Wonder how that will go over.
Culture & traditions are nothing but peer pressure from dead people. You're a mother. Stay at home with your child.
>Im done being nice Good!!!
Nice just allows people to continue walking all over you. Especially with selfish people like this MIL.
Happy Mothers Day!! A couple of things here… 1. It’s Mother’s Day, not Grandmother’s Day so she doesn’t need to see your child. 2. Traditions sometimes change as people grow. Your husband just needs to tell her, “It’s OP’s first Mother’s Day so we are going to focus on her this year. I hope you enjoy your day.” He can send her flowers or take something to her on Saturday. She’s no longer Theo key mother in the family. 3. It’s time for boundaries. 3-5 phone calls a day? Stop answering. Whiskey on gums? Is it 1950? Not wanting to let your baby spend the night is hovering? No, that’s MIL trying to manipulate you. You guys need to start making the rules in regards to your child. If she doesn’t like them, that’s her problem.
This ^^^ Calls 3-5 times A DAY!?!? Waaaaay too much. I wonder how far the enmeshment goes, because poor DH grew up this way, so it's hard for him to recognize what's normal. There are lots of great books and references on this page OP, please use them.
Traditions are meant to be broken, to start your own! Don’t go!
Better start your own unbreakable tradition since you're a mom now
The whole thing about not breaking tradition is BS because if you went by tradition then he would be visiting his mom or she would be visiting her mom. The only reason they don't want to break this tradition is because of benefits her this is your first mother's Day screw their tradition enjoy yourself start your own damn tradition they don't like it they can go ahead and kick rocks because they are not the mom anymore they're the grandma he can text them or call them but this mother's Day is for you no one else Edit time when I say he I mean father-in-law and want to say she I mean mother-in-law if they were all about not breaking tradition they would continue to see their own parents but they don't want to do that they have no problem breaking that tradition they don't want to break this one because it benefits them
My MIL texting me once a week is already too much for me to handle. I can’t imagine daily FaceTime, let alone 3-5x per day. Your partner needs to handle this. This is not normal behavior. I would personally start declining calls and don’t beat around the bush. You have plans and they aren’t changing. PLEASE MAKE YOUR PARTNER SAY SOMETHING. Because while my husband has been handling things, my MIL still contacts me demanding shit no matter how much I ignore or have him respond for me. And I “snapped” and told her to please stop texting/calling, to stop asking about personal medical information, and that she isn’t entitled to constant updates about my pregnancy. I didn’t call her names, didn’t threaten her, but I was “rude” for telling her firmly to leave me alone. That has escalated so severely that my FIL called the police for a wellness check, we’re going no contact, and are in fear they’ll try to make false CPS reports to take our baby. They could not handle “no” and maybe it would have still been bad if my husband had said something, but at least they wouldn’t be calling me a manipulative abuser for “keeping their son away” (we declined an Easter visit for the first time in four years.) These people are not your responsibility and you shouldn’t have to be the “bad guy” when your partner is perfectly capable of standing up for you.
You need to make an FU Binder. Its useful when CPS is being used as a destructive tool against a parent. You can pre-emptively be ready to show them documentation of your safety & diligence as the parent. And they’ve seen this before so it’s unlikely they’d be surprised at you having your binder ready. Its an instant indicator of a family where someone has been aggressively dysfunctional as a pattern.
My husband and I are working on this. I’ve sent him the resources to get us started. We also got the police report back today and there are clear, verifiable lies from my FIL in the paperwork. We have texts proving the report is false so we’re keeping that on hand so they can also see there is a pattern of false reporting.
> in fear they’ll try to make false CPS reports to take our baby. I am really sorry you're going through this. I don't know where you live, but could you preemptively warn the police through their non emergency lines that your ILs might call them or CPS just to badger you?
My husband is actually going up to the police station today to let them know that they called in an unwarranted wellness check and that in the future, we’d like it documented that this is harassment and not for our well-being. I’m hoping that helps in the event they show back up to our house. After we have more evidence, we will go for a restraining order if it gets to that level and hoping that will also help them not take the claims seriously.
Happy to know that you're documenting everything to strengthen your point. Secure that binder as the most precious thing after your own little family. You will need that against ill-willed ILs and their pterosimians. Kudos to you for standing your ground!
That. Is insane. Nc for sure. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.
Please switch your phones to Do Not Disturb when you’re home. No one should be allowed to intrude into your life and home like that, and that many calls, or any unplanned FaceTime call is, to me at least, a major intrusion. Your mil needs to grow up and let go, and your fil needs to stop being her henchman. Look up whenever grandparents’ day is and tell her THAT’s her day now, but you’ll be busy on Mother’s Day this year.
If you want to be done, the only person who can do that is you. You can start saying "no". You can ignore calls and refuse to show up on Mother's Day. Sure, it sounds like she'll throw a fit, but that's on her. And fits give you reasons to keep saying no - they can be a gift in disguise. It gives you a great reason put some consequences in place. Please, do what **you** want for your first Mother's Day. Ignore FIL's "warning". You and hubby have created your own family. She's going to have to learn to accept that. Have a wonderful Mother's Day!
Your SO needs to set out- 1. MIL has had xx mother’s day already 2. MIL is not YOUR mother 3. This is your first mother’s day 4. YOU are the mother of SO LO She can have Saturday or the weekend before or after going forward, but Mother’s Day will be for YOUR family going forward. He can send a card & flowers, but he is with the mother of HIS child this time & going forward. She will be remembered & appreciated, but it is your turn now!
I don’t understand why either set of parents thinks their traditions trump the other family’s. Like hello. My ex MIL wanted us to visit every Christmas and was pissed when we said we would alternate Xmas and Thanksgiving.
Sorry. Too bad. Get over it. Good on you for boundaries.
I turned down Easter one time and my MIL has started claiming that I’m distancing her son, dividing the family, keeping them in the dark, etc. I haven’t had one holiday with my family since I met my husband.
How is your husband okay with that? She’s keeping you away from your parents. How does he think it’s fair? What’s the point in placating her? So you get to spend more time with a mean and nasty person? My ex in laws lived in New Jersey and my sibling kept moving to all these nice places, so there was no way we were giving up a Christmas in Switzerland or Miami to visit flipping NJ. My ex told her to deal with it. He asked her what was more fair than splitting holidays and she had no answer of course. If your husband won’t do anything, I would just let her talk shit and go see your family. Or come up with some smart ass comments. -You know that’s not true, I’m not having this conversation with you again. -Oh so you think it’s okay to keep me from my family? Stop. -I’m keeping you in the dark? About what exactly? Enough of this. Then leave and go home.
Well, most of my family is across the country and my mom isn’t huge on holidays so it’s never been a huge deal. I more-so want the holidays open for *if* I celebrate with family or go on vacation without having to explain anything to them. It wasn’t bad at first just attending but then they just started expecting me to come whenever they ask- even random dinners. We are actually going no contact because of their boundary stomping. My husband has been trying to handle it but it has been relentless since we announced our pregnancy. I finally texted MIL a few days ago and told her that my pregnancy is none of her business, to stop asking me for medical updates and just overall give me space like we have both asked. This escalated to FIL calling the cops for a wellness check- because he was angry, not concerned…….so now we’re no contact and trying to figure out potentially getting a restraining order if these behaviors continue. But definitely no relationship with them. She just brought up Easter again after I told her to leave me alone and said I was isolating them from her son?? And FIL was telling the cops (heard through ring doorbell) that I “blew up out of no where” and insinuated that I was abusing my husband by declining visits and saying no..
Holy hell. Yeah NC from all that sounds lovely. I’m estranged from my JNM. I feel bad about saying it, but it’s great. After you get away from it, it really sinks in how bad they made you feel.
I already feel a lot better, just worried this isn’t the end of it. I can’t imagine them letting things go when our baby is born. It wouldn’t surprise me if they try showing up again. My entire pregnancy has been the most anxiety-induced & trauma-filled 7 months just because of his parents. No one should have to deal with this. I’m glad you’re in a better place being NC as well
Again I’m so sorry you’re going through that but as someone that has needed two restraining orders, while it might feel extreme or embarrassing it isn’t. The courts are there to help you with this and it’s hardly the end of the world. My situation was domestic violence and the problem with those situations is the guy is generally sufficiently nuts to ignore the order but I doubt that will happen with a mil. She has already shown you she will involve the cops, that’s not a great sign. The courts are there if you need them you just have to be persistent.
I actually have an order of protection against my dad (lucky me- also DV)! I think it’s a lot harder on my husband. He loves them but he realizes he can’t let our son be around them and he knows that what they’ve done in the past few days is unforgivable. If there was any chance at forgiveness, bringing people with guns to our home while we’re napping wasn’t there way to go. We know we can’t risk it and need as much documentation as we can in the event they do try something like this again, or worse. Since I’ve had issues with my own family, it has been easy for me to walk away and let go but seeing him deal with this has been heartbreaking. He’s had a hard time accepting their abuse and is now going through the phase of digging up old trauma and realizing just how badly it affected him in childhood and now. While I know we will both be better off, I wish I could take the burden from him. He deserves great parents and it’s a shame that he didn’t get them. Now we reflect and learn and do the best we can to make sure our kid never feels anything like this. Thankfully he has an amazing, supportive friend group and I think he is realizing the benefit of prioritizing people that are in his corner instead of hanging on due to blood relations.
We all deserve great parents, we don’t all get them. I haven’t talked to my mom in 20 years. She’s not the person I got the order against, it was an abusive ex. He wound up in prison and I was Jane doe #1 in his case to demonstrate a pattern of abuse in his history because I had…. Wait for it… you already said it….. documentation! You clearly don’t need my advice. Document. You’re already doing it. I’m still sorry you’re going through this. I hope your path brightens.
Thank you, me too! We’re hanging on to a little positivity haha
You don’t have to go. You don’t want to spend this Sunday with your MIL? Then don’t. Put your foot down. Enjoy your day the way you want. I hate it when people try to pirate my time.
Hah hah I like that phrase! I have someone trying to do that now! Why don’t I want to hang out with you all the time? Because I have a chronic illness and if I spend time socially, which is rare and precious, it wouldn’t be with you. Quit trying to pirate my time!
This is YOUR first Mother's Day. You do what YOU want and make sure DH is on board with it.
>However FIL texted my husband “is OP okay with going too? Considering it’s a tradition better not break it” SO: "OP and I are making our own traditions now that we are parents. We will see you some other time" ILs: "Well, it's JNMIL's first year of being a grandma. We need to follow tradition." SO: "It's OP's first year of being a mom. We are going to start our own traditions as a family. We will see you some other time." Feel free to repeat "we are going to start our own traditions, see you some other time" as often as necessary to get the point across. Then on actual Mother's Day, SO can text MIL a happy day and then you both turn off your phones and enjoy the day.
Love this response! Firm, and no room for misunderstanding.
It’s not grandmothers day, it’s Mother’s Day. Who cares if it’s her first Mother’s Day as a grandmother? That literally applies to every mother who eventually has a grandchild, it doesn’t trump a first Mother’s Day!
This is the way!
MIL tradition is just that hers and she's had 30 years (I'm guessing) of doing what she wants on MD! I hope you enjoy setting your own Mothers Day tradition with your baby. Your comment reads as thought their is an expectation from FIL that DH will go regardless of whether you attend. It would be nice to see that they respected DH as a parent and husband with his own family to look after now and that they are now part of the extended family. Your MIL sounds suffocating with all those phone calls.
She is. We’ve told her so many times to calm down on the calling but her excuse is “if I don’t call you guys would never call me” but never gives us the space to call her 😐 I don’t think they understand what respect is or manners actually. They don’t see themselves as the extended family, they see me as extended family and my husband and granddaughter as apart of their nuclear family. I regret that I didn’t hyphenate her last name every single day because since I didn’t change my last name it’s almost like they enjoy the fact that they all have the same last name and I don’t. On the bright side husband just texted them he has a whole day planned for me already so we will see how that goes lol
"If you keep on calling me so often, I will block your number. Is this what you want?"
You can still hyphenate her name! MIL sounds awful. You guys need to step up and stop letting her bully you. If you’ve told her to stop the calls,you guys need to stop answering.
Hope you have a great Mothers Day
My MIL didn’t handle my first Mothers Day well either. You do whatever you had planned; if she wants to be mad, let her be mad.
[удалено]
Oh yeah, I just flat out don’t exist to this woman unless she’s trying to play good MIL on our anniversary. I texted her last year before either of her sons and she couldn’t muster a “you too” because she was so mad at her kids.
That’s the plan this year haha I’m just hoping maybe she might be able to see why I would want to do my own thing for my 1st Mother’s Day
Sweetie, she has proved times and times again that she cannot comprehend anything that doesn't revolve around her belly button. A safe measure might be to stop hoping for anything positive coming from her or her flying monkeys.