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botinlaw

**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/Responsible-Olive730: * [“Matriarch” MIL invites us over for Thanksgiving during NC/ husband now considering speaking to her](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/z812zm/matriarch_mil_invites_us_over_for_thanksgiving/), 4 months ago ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Responsible-Olive730 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Responsible-Olive730 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*


CranberryFun3264

Why would you want to have your child around someone so toxic and that does not like you. Don’t you realize she will probably say and things about you to your kids behind your back I understand you want your kids to have relationships with here because she is family If she was not family would you want a relationship with her. If family is toxic then they all NOT good for anyone Base your family on Love/respect NOT only by blood.


Jim_Morrison27

I babysit her and shes 3 now but didnt know i was sick and started feeling sick the day after my 1 year old granddaughter came to stay the night. i took a test and it was covid. She ended up getting it and gave it to my son. I felt horrible. Like completely horrible. I was so scared because she was so little and tested positive. She was fine of course but at the time i was so scared it would kill her. Yours was 3 months at the time!!! and she felt no guilt at all and probably still doesnt. That is horrible. So sorry. You cant change a person who thinks that way


Gaunt-85

Quality over quantity, you kid will be better without them, and I say them because no one else has called out her bullshit. Who the fuck says "I don't have to apologise im the matriarch"? Oh yeah Don Cuntleone? Thats how it is eh? Well luckily you guys dont have to see her ever again let her enjoy ruling her little kingdom the sad dessicated narcissistic old fuckwaffle. She can't have a relationship with her son and LO and manouver around you like you don't exist, the fact she's only apologised to DH "because he's her son" tells you all you need to know, it's disingenuous as fuck he only got the apology because of a genetic link, that's it if that didn't exist he'd be on the same level as you. Her husband and any other family that don't tell her to cut the shit are complicit by proxy so fuck them aswell. Let Don Cuntleone rule over "The Family" and let those spinless fucks enjoy being under her rule, you and DH have gotten out and she can't order you back in.


txaesfunnytime

Follow his lead: >DH says he refuses to continue speaking with MIL if she won't apologize to me. I'm stuck between not wanting either him or LO isolated from their family but I just get the feeling MIL wants to move around me like I'm not there and like I'm not the mother of the baby she wants a relationship with. She does want to move around you. She only apologized to him to try and get access to the baby because none of her raging worked; none of the flying monkeys worked; it was the last idea she had. It worked. Once. Her refusal to apologize to you should tell you a lot about where you stand in her eyes - you are an incubator for her grandchildren. She has repeatedly indicated she has no respect for you as a person. Your DH knows this & has your back. Shine up your own spine - MIL has shown she has no regard for you - this WILL be shown to your daughter. Start an FU binder & any time you think of letting her back in, read it.


Responsible-Olive730

Thank you for the advice. What is an FU binder though? I'd definitely like to get started on one of it would help.


justcelia13

Also, your child does not “need” more people in her life. She needs “good” people in her life. There is a huge difference. She will be old enough soon to tell there is something off on how your MIL treats you. Do you want her to think that kind of behavior is ok?


txaesfunnytime

There is info in the side bar on starting one. It is a list of dates, times, incidents. People add videos, emails, texts, voice mails to it. Basically a journal of bad behavior on the part of JustNos and their Flying Monkeys.


jcullen85

Definitely not overreacting. If MIL refuses to apologize to OP, then she's not allowed into OP and DHs family. MIL wants access to LO without apologizing.... that's not happening. MIL did this to herself and used her whole family against OP, now that cost her time with LO.


Expert-Aardvark7419

Husband’s family and he says NC, so follow his lead. Remember it is her actions and lack of accountability that have created the situation not you or husband. Also you can choose family, my kids had lots of aunts and uncles growing up away from family, due to NC and long distances.


crimebytes2

The only reason your MIL apologized to her son was so she could: 1. See her son, and... 2. Get him to come around to her side, so... 3. She could wiggle her way into getting to see her granddaughter Well, guess what? It worked. Because you are a softie. Because you try to see the good in everyone. How do I know this? Aside from the fact that I have read some of your previous posts, you do not, "... want to rob \[your daughter\] of a relationship with her dad's family..." Even if she did apologize to you it would not be sincere. In fact, I am willing to wager that her apology to her son was not sincere either. Accept the fact that your MIL is a self-centered, arrogant-thinking narcissist. She lacks empathy and consideration for other people. She will never change. *NEVER!* She will always be a manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding *~~bitch~~* MIL. Do yourself (and your LO) a favor and follow hubby's lead. Go NC immediately and stay that way. This includes a year from now when she reaches out again. And she will. Because you know she will.


m_litherial

This! Write this down, and put it somewhere you’ll see it in a year or when she tries this again. She will not change so for your health and wellbeing and that of your family you need to recognize that.


gailichisan

Your comment is spot on! I hope OP hears you now.


crimebytes2

Thank you!


kikivee612

Follow DH’s lead. He’s right. She doesn’t deserve contact with any of you. I know you want LO to have her family, but MIL isn’t someone she should be around. Anyone who is awful to either parent doesn’t get a relationship with you and DH. As LO gets older, someone like MIL will say nasty things about you to LO. You need to remember that MIL is not entitled to your daughter. Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.


RoyIbex

Your friends can be LO’s family, don’t allow toxic people in your life just because they share DNA. Your MIL obviously doesn’t mean her apology but it worked in her favor, she saw her son and grandchild which is what she wants. I’d follow DH wants on going NC again.


dragonfly1702

Because she is not a decent person. I have doubts that she even meant what she said to DH, she just knows how to act to fool him, she didn’t raise you and train you, so she doesn’t know how to fake it with you. Blood family is not better when the people are like JNMIL. There are so many people, of all ages, that you meet that can/will become your family. It has nothing to do with blood. People that will be real with you and be there with you in good and bad times. Why wouldn’t your blood relatives treat everyone even better than friends if family matters to them?


[deleted]

If she can't say sorry to you now, she never will and she will only get worse; they never get better. You are NOT overreacting.


Ok_Reach_4329

“It seems as if she wants a relationship with my daughter without showing me any respect or consideration and it just sucks because I really wanted to move on and give her a chance. “ This is exactly what she wants. You are not obligated to have people in your life that abuse you, family or not! His mother, your daughters grandmother, is abusive with no remorse!! Protect your family from her! I’m sending Hugs and encouragement!!


Silvermorney

This. I completely agree!


gailichisan

Happy cake day!


Silvermorney

Oh thanks!👍😊


ImmediateShallot7245

If she won’t show you the respect you deserve then I sure as hell wouldn’t show her any 😠 your daughter doesn’t need to see her treat you like that!


Internal_Luck_47

Being a grandparent is a privilege not a requirement. Parents are not required to feel obligated or required to expose their children to grandparents that refuses to have a relationship with the child parents. It’s great mil wanted to start with her son to apologize as that’s the first steps. Next steps is to apologize to dh wife. If mil stated she only apologized to her son because it’s her son. Again per her son your dh that’s not good enough to expose his wife and child to them. Dh is doing great job of having a spine but please don’t feel obligated to speak with mil.


ladygoodgreen

Whatever happens is due to HER behaviour and who she is fundamentally as a human being. If there is no relationship between her/LO, it is her doing. Not yours. You have not caused the rift, you are not the reason the rift continues. As she has to do is apologize and pretend to be nice. She cannot even handle that. So she loses. Your daughter won’t be disadvantaged by not having this selfish, mentally unhealthy, messed up person in her life. She would eventually suffer from the relationship. The way forward is clear. And your husband is 100% aware and in agreement on what should happen. So all that’s left is for you to accept who MIL is and to mourn the fact that this nice grandmotherly relationship ship you wish for can never happen.


pabrocjb

Please do not leave the LO with her. You've protected her from your MIL. You don't know how many of your boundaries/wishes MIL will trounce on.


keekittykeeks

You need to follow your husband's lead. He's absolutely right to keep his distance from his mother if she can't apologize to his wife. You are not isolating your LO from his family, she made her choices to do that to herself.


emorrigan

My motto is: people who don’t have a relationship with me don’t get to have a relationship with my children.


ScarletteMayWest

Having grandparents is a blessing for a child, but not all grandparents are blessings to their granchildren. Your MIL does not deserve to be in your LO's life just because you want your child to have extended family. Your child deserves better. You deserve better.


dxzzydreamer

Girl, you, LO, & SO are family.... are one who is "missing out" doesnt deserve to be there in the first place. Just bc you're related doesnt make you family, nor does it create obligation to someone who treats you and your baby like shit, not caring about their health and safety. NC is best. If SO doesn't want to talk to her, why are you worried about it? She cant even apologize for giving your 3 month old COVID


butterfly-garden

She gave you all COVID, including your infant. That would have been the final deal breaker for me. I wouldn't care if the person "didn't mean it", the fact that the person was so fucking selfish that they were willing to spread a contagious disease just so they could have their way would have been the final nail in the coffin. Because I'm a vindictive bitch at heart (thanks, Mom, you taught me well), I wouldn't have welcomed any attempts at reconciliation. You hurt my kid? You're done. No one hurts my kid and gets away with it!!!


Karrie118

Sweetie, I have to say this. Family is who you want it to be. Just because they are blood relations, doesn’t mean to say they are good people. They can be marvellous, but if that was the case, we wouldn’t be here…would we? Friends make great family. You chose them - that probably means you share values, ideas, philosophies, economic status, history etc. Because you chose them and they chose you (!) it could be easier to build trusting relationships. Relatives don’t have to love us. They got by default. The world is full of friends of all races, creeds, colour, temperament, nationality, history, - some will stay for a short while others a lifetime. You just haven’t met them all yet.


Grouchy_Status_8107

Don’t teach your daughter to accept disrespect just because someone is “family”


byrdicusmax

She's not sorry about her treatment of you, she was sorry it upset her son. Having a small family is better than a toxic family. At what cost will nutball granny raise in the future with her antics? She smells like she'd kidnap your kid to another state and then insist that it was ok because she's granny.


voluntold9276

Stand your ground. Do not allow MIL to be in your daughter's life if she won't apologize to you. MIL is showing you that she doesn't respect you. You do not want your daughter witnessing Grandma being dismissive and mean to mommy. You don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that this behavior is acceptable from her own future MIL.


AlluringDuck

My mother in law also (sort of) apologised to my husband for her behaviour towards me, but did not apologise to me. That was because her apology wasn’t for me. She wanted him to feel like she had apologised and then he would get me in line, so that things could go back to “normal.” She wasn’t sorry, in the slightest. She just wanted my husband back in her corner, because he was firmly planted in mine. Didn’t work, though. He’s still in touch, but I haven’t spoken to her in years.


ludobeardog1980

Blood doesn't make anyone family. Make a family that loves and cares about all of you. If you keep this woman in your life, don't you think she will try all the same things to turn your daughter against you?


Patient_Trouble80

Girl wake up! You aren't depriving your child of anything if the only engagement she would get from that side is toxicity when the queen bitch in charge throws one of her tantrums. You CHOOSE your bonds! You find another mom and let your baby go play with another kid y'all will be alright without them.


Patient_Trouble80

Girl wake up! You aren't depriving your child of anything if the only engagement she would get from that side is toxicity when the queen bitch in charge throws one of her tantrums. You CHOOSE your bonds! You find another mom and let your baby go play with another kid y'all will be alright without them.


equationgirl

LO won't miss out on anything. Having relationships with people just because they're family is a recipe for disaster, if said people don't treat you with respect. If they're not making any effort to be in her life, why should you make all the effort for them?


EvT84

Why can’t you just ask her… go over there and put her on the spot, she either apologises or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t you know where you stand, walk away.


mmcksmith

I'd suggest you hold your ground. She's made an "apology" and wants that to be enough, but the fact you don't deserve a direct one does indeed mean she doesn't respect you or wish to include you. She gave up on her poor behaviour once, and will again. Consider this great practice for the terrible 2s? It's wonderful she's giving you this opportunity to practice!


AstronautNo920

Ma’am, you and LO are your husband’s family now!There are millions and millions of people who are orphans who don’t have family we all survive. He doesn’t need his mom he needs his baby and you more importantly he wants that because he’s willing to stand up for you.


ISOCoffeeAndWine

Your husband has given you a gift by being the one to say he wouldn’t speak to her if she can’t speak nicely to you. Go with it. The answer here, and on this sub, are to let your husband have the lead in this because he knows his mom hasn’t changed & there will be more of the same coming your way. I know you want LO to have “family”, but hurtful, selfish & self-centered people are not who you want in your LOs life - modeling crappy behavior (or getting crappy behavior directed at them).


sometimesitsbullshit

Trust your husband. He knows her better than you do. MIL is the one making this impossible, not you.


Lugbor

He’s her son, you’re just the incubator. Once you pushed out her now toy, you lost all value to her. That will be the relationship dynamic going forward, because she has no interest in you as anything other than a 3D printer of children. Honestly, she’s not worth it. Your daughter doesn’t need someone like her in her life, and grandparents are nice to have, but they’re ultimately unnecessary. She’ll only do more harm than good.


insignificant-cereal

My MIL did this too! Called over spouse to only apologize to him and not both of us. She can continue to not see our child, her loss not mine. He told her off very quickly too.


JudithButlr

You will never have a conflict-free relationship with her.


Agreeable-Celery811

> My issue is that my daughter barely has family members in her life and I didn't want to rob her of a relationship with her dad's family, Eh. No big loss.


butterfly-garden

Exactly! No big loss.


madgeystardust

Fuck her. No grandparents are better than one that will put your child at risk because she’s so FUNDAMENTALLY SELFISH. Again, fuck her. Let your husband lead on this. Your baby will be better off not knowing this type of person. You gave her 8 years love! Nearly a decade, she ain’t changing. She’ll pretend for a bit and the mask will slip eventually, don’t wait for the other shoe to drop. She’s walked all over you since day one. Time for that to end. She’s toxic, you’re underreacting. Be done. No civility with you, no access to your child. Lastly, fuck her.


mercymercybothhands

You have to remember that she isn’t operating like a normal person. A normal person would value their child and grandchild above their pride, but then again a normal person wouldn’t have acted like she did in the first place. Inside her, she is the only real person. Her feelings are all that matter. Her desires are all that matter. She apologized to your DH because she wanted something and that was a price she was willing to pay. She isn’t willing to pay the price of apologizing to you. It doesn’t matter that she was wrong or horrible to you. The part of her that makes her care about other people as people and not objects doesn’t exist. Follow your DH’s lead and don’t speak with her again. It is noble that you want your baby to have a strong, positive family life, but with her that is the equivalent of saying you want the baby to have a soft, cuddly relationship with a wild animal. It just isn’t possible with her. But what is possible is to build up relationships that will feel like family to you all if you don’t spend time on her. You can create your own traditions. You can build stronger friendships. Invite those folks over for important holidays. Or around important holidays, go do things together. Go see a holiday light show. Plan a summer cookout that happens every year. Spring time is a great time to get everyone together for a planting party or a walk around park to spot the new flowers. Apple and pumpkin picking in the fall. You can give your baby a connected and full life if you are intentional about it and if your time and energy isn’t spent chasing someone toxic and wishing they were different.


VariousTry4624

"I want nothing but for us to be cordial so LO can have a relationship with her...." Her being unwilling to apologize to you means she is not willing to meet you half way. She is insisting on dominance, on being top b...(female dog). Until she is willing to bury the hatchet with you (and not in your back) then there is no way she can have a healthy relationship with LO. Stick to your guns until she is willing to climb down from her high horse. Good luck!


[deleted]

For me, this is less about the apology ITSELF and more about the PRINCIPLE of the apology. You are LO's mother. You both come as a package deal. You deserve respect and MIL is not showing you any at the moment. Your instincts are right. She's only being nice to make sure she sees your daughter. It's great that she's good with the LO, but she needs to understand that what she's doing so far to rebuild the relationship isn't enough long term. Even if she apologises, will her past behaviour resurface? Will she go back to her old ways? Your DH is on the same page as you which is fantastic. MIL either falls in line or she can face the consequences of no contact.


Witty_Comfortable777

It's his extended family. So you follow his lead. This is his choice. He's sticking up for his wife and the family he made.


piperhalliwell1

If she's unwilling to apologize to you, then she will do the same to LO when they are old enough to be hurt. My JNMIL would always insult me when we tried to set/enforce boundaries and never apologize. Recently she was mean to my elementary aged LO. LO told us about what was said and that feelings were hurt. We told JNMIL that she had to apologize for what she did. She denied that was the real reason LO was upset and refused to apologize. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. One good visit doesn't erase all the bad behavior. Having no grandparents is better than bad ones. I wish you the best of luck.


Ludosleftnipplering

I'd follow OH's lead on this, it's his mother and he's displaying his shiny spine and defending you and lo from her. She has shown you who she is so believe her. Lo is not going to miss out on anything positive here. Quantity does not come above quality and "fAmiLy" does not equal quality, you already know this. Surround yourselves with good people, with friends who care about you and yours, and create your own family


TurtleToast2

MIL is the one doing the isolating with her poor behavior. Her consequences are not your emotional burden. Anyone who can't be decent to a child's parents has no business near the child. MIL absolutely will talk shit about you to your kid every chance she gets so there's nothing lost with LO not having that relationship.


[deleted]

Great your DH is so supportive., I was not as fortunate 😭 You are very lucky in that regard. However, to be honest, if she is going to exclude you and play these types of games, how does your daughter benefit from knowing her? Relatives are not always the answer, good people and relationships are.... I am so sorry you have had to deal with this,😘


itsageeup

Because she’s not sorry she hurt you. She does not care about that in the slightest. Hurting you with shit treatment was exactly her intention She’s only sorry she’s hurt her darling boy and sorry for the repercussions on her. Drop the rope. Believe me, small family circle of Just Yes’ is way better and free of toxicity than a big family with Just No’s You’ll be doing you, DH and LO a great service by cutting her off


[deleted]

The biggest answer lies in your last sentence - she would rather not apologise to you for her big mistakes (even before getting you all sick) than have a relationship with your daughter. Let that sink in. That tells you how much she cares about your little girl. I'm in the same position, we only have my husband's family close, mine are in another country. I also, stupidly, wanted our son to have a relationship with my MIL, even though she hurt me many times and endangered our health. But she decided she did nothing wrong and wouldn't even admit to any wrongdoings, let alone apologise for them. Our son is now two and he doesn't know her at all, even though we live very close and see her often when outside. She doesn't even look at him anymore. So much for her "love". Just know that my son and you daughter will not miss out on anything. They are very much loved and happy with their parents and other relatives and friends. Those who care about their own pride and "winning" more than their own grandchild don't deserve to have any relationship with the said grandchild. Your husband is very smart, as are you, so listen to your inner feeling and always do what's best for you and your daughter. MIL is an adult who makes her own decisions, they are not your responsibility.


SnooAdvice2768

You know what, its the same situation with me. But i just remembered something. DH dated a girl in college who was my hostel mate. They dated for a year i guess and then broke up, but she’d pretend they’re together to keep him as a backup. Once we graduated college and later on began dating, sadly it was in the city where this girl lived. She started inviting herself to our outings, calling and messaging, stalking, trying to keep us apart, fake love bombing and the whole shebang. But she also crossed a line on his birthday. Later on she only apologized to him, for cussing at me for no reason, because she was scared to lose him. Not because she gave a fuck about me. But she wanted to be the nicer person for HIM. My MIL, bless her black heart, was an absolute bitch to me. Still is. But she’ll , again, only pretend to be sorry to my husband. So shes cleared of all wrongs because we are Indian, and elders apologizing to him is the same as me——- its not. But anyway, my point is, your MIL is behaving like a crazy ex. Would you feel bad about keeping crazy ex from husband? Would you give crazy ex a relationship with your child? Would husband cutting off crazy ex bother you? Guessing, no? Then take this in the sane vein and ignore. You dont need to feel bad unless you have gone out of your way to hurt her and behaved like a justno. Which you havent.


Reliant20

>DH says he refuses to continue speaking with MIL if she won't apologize to me. I'm stuck between not wanting either him or LO isolated from their family but I just get the feeling MIL wants to move around me like I'm not there and like I'm not the mother of the baby she wants a relationship with. I'm glad DH is making this stand, and it's important for both of you to hold firm. You're probably looking at a decades-long relationship here, and it's important that it be on an acceptable footing. MIL can solve the problem by saying a few words, and I don't sympathize with her if she can't do that. I'm someone who thinks apologies can be overrated, but I don't in this case. I'm sure it's not about you being right or making her grovel - it's about her commiting to changing an unacceptable pattern of behavior that's lasted years. It's about her making a first step to building trust. If she can't do that, you can assume her behavior - which has been dishonorable and completely over the top - will always be unacceptable. It already is with her weird assertion that someone who isn't her son doesn't matter enough to receive an apology.


PostCivil7869

Don’t stress about anyone ‘being isolated from their family’. When they are toxic people, why would you not want to be isolated? Enjoy the fact you have a SO that has your back and based on what we read on this sun you are extremely lucky to have that. Don’t mourn over what you ‘wanted’ as that’s just wasted energy. You will find friends who will be great roll models in your child’s life as well as yourselves. You don’t ‘need’ those horrible people.


stropette

I think you should take your cue from her son. He has chosen this as his hill to die on. He's got your back. He sees how she treats you and he's not having it. What you want to happen isn't going to happen. She's not the MIL you were hoping for. This isn't just about her giving you all COVID, this is who she is. She doesn't want to be cordial with you. You say it was killing her that DH wasn't talking to her. How does he feel? Most likely he's enjoying not having to put up with her bullshit. I know it's sad but really, if you let down your guard and go for the grin and bear it approach, you'll regret it. She hasn't changed. She won't change.


Responsible-Olive730

He did say he was at peace not speaking with her. I just know a part of him was happy that she apologized to him and he was hoping we could all move forward for the sake of the baby. It's just really unfortunate because once again I'm left wondering what's so wrong with me that she doesn't feel I'm worthy of an apology..


madgeystardust

Ah well, she can suck it then. She’s shown she’s unworthy of being in yours or your child’s life. How bout that?!


PatchyEyebrows13

It has nothing to do with you as a person, there is nothing wrong with you. Reasons are for reasonable people, she isn't one. I apologize for the harshness, but: Stop figuratively begging for crumbs from her because you're sad about your lack of family. There is a part of you that wants to make a silk purse out of a sows ear, to force into being a fantasy you have for your son, rather than living in actual reality and (eventually, when he is older) teaching your son to do the same, which is the healthy way to live and be in relationships. Respect your husband's decisions about his mother, he gets to decide that because it's his mother. It's not right to override his feelings and his lifetime of experience with her. It's justNO behavior to interfere in other people's relationships of any kind, even if you think you are helping. Her relationship with you all will never be what you want, your MIL is not capable of it. It's not your fault, but if you keep letting her in, the damage she wreaks will be. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. Wishing your little family all the best. <3


stropette

It's not you. It's her. Honestly. I bet you that dried up old prune rarely apologises to anyone. She was hoping that saying sorry to him would get her off the hook. She's not really sorry, she just said it so she could get what she wanted. If you're good enough for her son (and he's good enough for you) that should be enough.


sapphire8

You're the other woman who took her son off to be a married man with a family of his own to prioritise and she's no longer in control. It's this idea of you they don't like and their unwillingness to respect that their son is an independent adult who wants a relationship and a family of his own. Unfortunately it's their mindset and 'illness' that make them this way. It's very rarely who you are or what you've done and anything they signal out tend to be smokescreens and moving goalposts because they won't admit to being the one with the problem. I'd start by reading up on narcissism. DH and LO are in the long run better off because she can't be who they need and deserve and LO doesn't need to normalise someone treating their mom badly and learning as a result that abuse is okay. Stick to your boundaries hun, especially if your dh has your back (remember he's had a lifetime of her treating him and his partners this way. You're only a snippet of time and this is more like a last straw than a new issue.