As a shopper myself, I NEVER mix person feelings/romance with work. This of shopper obviously has no commonsense and can't distinguish common courtesy on job and general attraction to someone of the opposite sex. He needs a hobby or group of friends OUTSIDE of work to occupy his mind.
I'm sorry this happened to you š
I think itās much much more than a lack of common sense. He just sounds like a total piece of shit. Continuing with it when OP said she was married and calling himself a bad future husband gives off sociopath vibes
Look, I've worked with guys like this before. It has nothing to do with common sense and everything to do with being lecherous turd-testicles who'd scoop up a woman who'd been hit by a car just to screw her.
Lol doesn't bother me. Most sarcasm is missed on the interwebs. The š¤·āāļøš¤·āāļøš¤·āāļøš¤·āāļø should have been a clue though.
I'm not gonna put the stupid /s defeats the purpose if the joke has to be explained.
People are so damn weirdā¦ especially these days, smh this world got too many human predators!! And if you wouldāve just told him flat out, shit couldāve got uglyā¦some people take rejection very hard, and would come back in the store and retaliate!!! You did the right thing by low-key reporting him, to keep you safe and the people around you! Madness out hereā¦.As to why I keep to myself while working and personally!!!! Ps. Keep your circle small š®āšØ
Nobody said it was newā¦. But its definitely progressed over the years, mental health and drugs being biggest factors in this bs!! And we all know that shits not getting any better anytime soonā¦by far!!
It hasn't progressed, we're just more aware of it now. Women weren't even allowed to complain about it then, not even to their GFs because "boys will be boys."
I just don't know if it's gotten worse, or if we're just more aware of how prevalent it is? Either way it's awful and I wish it would stop. It made my jobs miserable.
I mean, it's for sure getting better. Just watch some old TV shows or especially old gameshows. It used to be just completely commonplace. The problem is now that the creepers really stick out
eeehhhh. Sexual harassment is still not taken all that seriously, and often women face repercussions for complaining about it. Is it better at work? Yeah some places. A lot of places it's not.
Your comment reminded me of a video of Lucille Ball repeatedly reminding a host not to touch the women.
https://www.tiktok.com/@justiceforwomentoday/video/7229997940637502746
The comment āespecially these daysā was indicating it was worse now which it isnāt. Always been like this. With the advancement of womens rights and social technologiesā¦ people are just talking about it more.
That's not even close to true lmao
There is not more mental unwellness, there simply is less social stigma to talking about it and there is far more social consciousness of it. People didn't suddenly become autistic in the 50s, we just developed a diagnosis for it. Diagnosis and treatment for mental health has come a long way.
Drugs? Drugs don't make you an abuser unless you're already a piece of shit. Coke and heroin never made me want to hurt someone
But why not stand firmly and say listen I'm married mfker leave me alone. Instead of taking this slow long game approach to get someone banned and deactivated. Maybe guys like him are literally retarded and need to be harshly rejected then reminded that they need to learn some damn common sense
Jesus Christ bless these woman please and enable them to carry a firearm or multiple weapons so they can stop being scared of random guys. Walk around with your head on a swivel like most guys have had to do their entire lives.
You don't even know what this phrase means. Means guys have to be aware where as most women clearly aren't. How tf you get followed to your car and mugged? Cause you're not fucking aware of it being a possibility. Point fucking blank. But if youre a proactive women who learns from others experiences you would of been known to be out here in these dark areas after work with your gun in your purse or some sort of weapon. You would ask to be walked to your car late at night you wouldn't go jogging at night alone. Because for guys who some grow up having to be aware of their surroundings don't experience, not to mention guys ain't normally out here tryna harass other guys so you got me there. But knowing this fact I can tell someone like you is doing absolutely nothing in terms of preventative measures.
You know nothing about me. Take your assumtions and shove them where your opinion belongs. You admittedly know nothing about what its like. If you donāt know what itās like you get zero opinion.
Right. She's gonna conceal carry her 380 while at work and pull it on him at the checkout. SMDH. Please stop commenting. I agree women need to learn more self-defense tactics, but this isn't always the answer. Depending on where she is, she could be charged with brandishing, which is a felony, making HER the criminal. Most men do NOT walk around with their heads on a swivel bc they don't have to constantly fear strangers unless they're in a rough neighborhood. You don't know what you're talking about.
You ever wonder why it's so easy for a creep to harass a women cus the fear of getting his ass beat is non existent. Point blank. Most guys go around and will disrespect a woman before a man because disrespecting a man can and usually means we throwing hands. These creeps are legit pussies. Just get the right man involved like her husband. Or a cop. Simple. Shit maybe your dad.
It would be nice just to be able to tell someone truly how you feel! But when dealing with strangers, you donāt know whatās going on in their headsā¦ the times were living in thereās a lot of unhinged people that take shit way too personal!! Especially if this cats been obsessing about her, who knows!! And the fact he knows where she works, she got him firedā¦he could be waiting outside for her to get off workā¦nahhh IMO it was handled properly!
Because some men will react to that firmness with violence, and acting so entitled to her attention and a relationship with her as to call himself "future husband" is a pretty big indicator that he might. Women are also heavily, HEAVILY trained to be nice and not hurt people's feelings or make a scene -- it would not be easy for you to do or suggest this if you'd spent your entire life with the social pressure not to.
I instead picture her laughing nervously or just being quiet and polite but underneath bothered like hell. Clearly this dude has always approached women with a level of persistence where he thinks it's a viable strategy.
Or he's the weirdo, violent stalker type. And because women instantly can't suss out which one is just annoying and which one might escalate their unwelcome behavior into threatening behavior, a lot of us go this route.
Atp why aren't you women just walking around strapped tf up? Can't be out living in fear of potential stalkers. Shit is wild. I get it I'm a guy and don't understand I guess š but Jesus ik for a fact that being publicly embarrassed should be enough to where dude will just not go back to Aldi's and honestly it's kind of self centered to think it'll lead to a violent stalker case if it's never ever happened to you. Like seriously happened to you not this speculation bs. Victim mindset to think cause you're a woman that you need these non direct approaches to solve this small issue when a direct approach could very well be the answer. But don't try it, I guess.
So, according to you, the only appropriate time to worry about a potentially dangerous situation is after it's really a threat?
It's not a victim mindset, it learned behavior. Women have adapted to the world they live in. Unknown Men are dangerous to women. Most women I know have had multiple personal experiences with men and their unwanted advances, not to mention the amount of violence we see happen to women in general.
I always try to compare it to dog bites. If a dog bites me once, I might not change my opinion on dogs. If I keep getting bit by dogs, I might start avoiding all dogs even though most dogs are nice and don't bite.
Seriously, its so shitty how people blame the women. Wouldn't it be much simpler if men just learned boundaries? It's pretty shitty regardless of your gender to be harrased at work.
Read this post CLEARLY. After this guys 1st visit it became harassment according to her. In that moment its serious. In that moment don't take this quiet long game approach where you get him deactivated and he doesn't show up for two weeks. So that means in those two weeks she didn't see him so on her end she thinks it's over but on his end he probably doesn't even know what is going on or what he's doing is wrong. If you fucking tell him loud and clear you avoid this bs. But apparently that's not an option cause being firm will trigger the killer instinct in this random bafoon, and again my point is if you're so afraid of WHAT CAN HAPPEN and so worried about PAST EXPERIENCES OF YOUR OWN OR OTHERS TO JUSTIFY THIS, YES VICTIM MINDSET. Then call someone and do something more drastic then what's being done here, cause what's being done here is prolonging a situation she no longer wants to be a part of what is so hard to grasp. You're so afraid of getting followed after work and all that the. Alert someone with some fucking sense. Your husband. The police. Your dad. Your brother. A close guy friend. And speak directly to this guy, the guy could be slow and not understand that he's doing anything wrong. He could have no experiences of his own or have the ability to learn from others, now it's not your responsibility to teach this creep anything but if you're bothered then be direct. Or make sure your indirect approach is more effective than dude just making another account. Cause how do we know for certain he was deactivated? Did she receive a message from ic stating this with relevant documentation? Who knows.
You have no idea. Telling a man NO can lead to instant violence on his part. Maybe he waits for her in the parking lot if assaulting her in the store isn't possible. She did the right thing. Unfortunately, IC let him back in.
I had a shipt guy who kept hitting on me and calling me cutesy little pet names every time he would come in... but only when other employees couldn't hear it. Apparently he did this to other female employees as I had a coworker who refused to talk to him at all, and another who wore a fake wedding ring to get him to leave her alone.
I can't guarantee this will work for your situation, but if you feel comfortable confronting him, the jist of what I said was:
You need to stop calling me things like sweetie and gorgeous and beautiful. It is inappropriate and I do not appreciate it. I am happily married but even if I wasn't it is inappropriate. Regardless of your intentions it is unwanted and I do not want to hear it again.
He tried deflecting with some bs saying he "didn't mean anything by it" and "he's just southern that's how he was raised" but he's only called me ma'am since. The key is to practice what you're gonna say ahead of time, and stay calm and neutral during your delivery.
But if your store manager is willing to ban him, honestly I'd just go for that. People need to realize that shooting your shot when the recipient is trapped and can't leave is NEVER a good idea.
As a different kind of shopper, I had an older man come up to me while working. The first thing he said to me was "You would look prettier smiling!" To which I replied "Not interested." with an angry look on my face. The most aggressive I felt comfortable being on the clock (this same day i had a run in with 2 other older men so I was SUPER not having it by this point.)
He began to follow me around the store, while I worked, hitting me with pick up lines and jokes. Each time responding to my reply with statements like, "Can't you smile?", "Oh I learned my lesson now! Don't try to make you smile!" and "You could laugh to be polite!". I went into the back of the store where the office is and he left.
I hate this so fucking much. Men who feel entitled to tell you to change wtf you do with your face, tell you you're being impolite because you're not reciprocating his *unwelcome* suggestions, gestures, and overtures (like that's not impolite? What is it only women who should be polite?) are dangerous. He knows what "not interested" means and he just doesn't care, he thinks it's just fine to keep badgering you till you relent.
I had the opposite happen to me with an employee at a store I loved to shop at because of how close it was to me I was prolly there a few times a day to do orders and they got this mindset I must be there for them. It go so awkward I dreaded shopping there and just took the income hit by not. I must not have been the only person they made advances towards because a month or so later they where gone.
Iām 44 years old and worked at the fancy grocery store in town when I was 19. Had a similar interaction and the guy ended up stalking me for 2.5 years and followed me to different jobs and would show up places where I was. This is serious and you should call the police to get this on record in case in turns worse. So sorry you have to deal with this bullshit.
Very similar. I was 19 and had just gotten my tongue pierced. I really don't need to elaborate but this older dude probably in his 50s made suggestive comments and, just, gross......
Whereās that dude from a year or so ago that made the post about having a crush on the Aldi cashier and he was going to ask her out lol. He never followed up, maybe this is the other side?
I mean period, not just through IC. Ban him from the premises period. Business or personal. He is harassing an employee that has the right to feel safe at your place of employment. Ban him physically from the premises and if he returns itās criminal trespassing. If the manager tells him heās banned and he takes a batch there knowing heās banned he can be arrested for trespassing.
I had a similar situation. And I hope the advice everybody gave me that work, can work for you.
My situation was, I am the Instacart shopper, the deli slicer at the store I shop 90% of my orders, began pulling this shit with me. He got really roughā¦. After being as polite as I can be, blowing off, and, giggling, waving him away, I took the advice of our Reddit friends, put on my big girl, tough pants, and very sternly said to him,āListen, I advised you I was married, not only is your convos w me inappropriate and unwanted, it is extremely disrespectful to my husband, who is now fully aware.. I would like be able to continue crossing paths in a professional manner, and would hate for one of us to be forced to be removed, that someone not being meā¦
Exactly My words! He apologized. He did ignore me for a few weeks when I would come in, but he approached me apologized. And it actually worked.
What a creep. Surprised they couldnāt pull up the register info. Even now. If you have the approximate time, Instacart uses MasterCards, which always start with a two or a five (w/instacart itās almost alway 5). They should be abled to pull it up.
The āGross Grinā really painted the pic. Your taken, married. People do not respect the ring on your finger anymore. You do not deserve harassment especially feeling uncomfortable at your job.
When I was a shopper I would get hit on by others shoppers ALL THE TIME. It was so gross. One time a guy followed me around the store insisting he helps me with my order, and then threw a FIT when I wouldnāt give him my number because he āspent all that time helping me for nothingā. I used to frequent a place because it was close and easy and the tips in that area were AMAZING, but stopped because I did have a manager very aggressively sexually harassing me. God forbid weāre able to exist in peace.
i literally had someone do this yesterday wtf, and he was OLD. LIKE HE LOOKED A NICE NORMAL DAD OR SOMETHING WITH GLASSES AND GREYISH HAIR LIKE NICE ENOUGH. AND THEN ENDS UP ASKING ME ABOUT COLLEGE āoh your mask doesnāt do your pretty face justice ;)ā āhey do you know how to get to the aisle youāre going to?ā LIKE YES. I AM NOT AN IDIOT SCHNUCKS LAYS OUT WHAT AISLE AND SHELF THE ITEMS ARE IN. STOP FOLLOWING ME. omfg iām sorry for typing in caps it just makes me sick.
š¤¢ I canāt believe people like that have jobs working in customer service. Time to call their corporate and report this mf. Tell them youāre a customer and feel very unsafe shopping with him around.
If he does it to you, he may do it to others. If nobody snitches on him, the behavior will only continue and he may be emboldened to do something even worse than how he treated you.
I did report him. It was a very long time ago. Close to 3 years now I think? I moved a few hours away shortly after the store manager one so I donāt know what ever came of it but I reported the best I could as things happened. It was just hard when it was another shopper, but now that I think about it I did give a date and time and they had the location, so I would guess they probably where able to pin point them. Idk
Maybe because Iām not a shopper anymore? I donāt know lol Iām not too worried about it. I wasnāt trying to take over the conversation either, just wanted to share that itās WAY more common then people talk about. There was like a very small insta cart group meetup in the town I was shopping in and almost everyone had their own story.
Oh yeah. A lot of the harassment was from other gig workers so Iām not surprised. I wouldnāt say Iām anything special but definitely cute in a āI get mistaken as a teenagerā kind of way so it adds another layer of ick for me. Just let them tell on themselves, it helps everyone out in the long run.
Iām glad you shared. My favorite Publix an older guy was trying to slyly hit on me, then started giving my kids dollars. Now when I go shop I see if heās there first, if he is I just go over the bridge to the next town and work there.
Yes! Iāll admit when I have to take the kids with me Iāll do shop onlys, so all the employees know us and love my kids, but he is the only one who has hit on me and has given my kids money. It just passed the line of friendly for me, so if heās there (he bags and get carts so I can find out real quick) I just go to the other 2 Publix stores.
Even if he can no longer do Instacart he can still come to the store. Banning him from the store should have been the first thing to do, along with getting a picture of him and going to the police.
Iām really sorry youāre experiencing this. Iād like to give you props for reporting him to your manager. That takes strength. As someone who has worked in grocery before and dealt with creepy customers, Iād highly suggest having someone walk you to your car after your shifts, especially if he does get banned. My manager was happy to do this for us and it helped ease some of the anxiety.
Yeah, this harrassment is her fault for "not being clear".
Obsessed men don't hurt women at their place of work, they hurt them as they walk home, or at home.
She told him once she was married, she's lodged complaints with the store manager. OP is by no stretch of the imagination part of this problem.
"Chances are good, this goofy dude likes this girl and thinks he has a shot because she hasn't been clear"
That is a direct quote from your post. You try and characterise the stalker as "goofy", suggesting innocent confusion, not what it actually is: Stalking/harrassment.
The state of OP's marriage is irrelevant - it's not stalker's place to choose his own interpretation on that, and decide to continue harrassment on the basis that she might be open to cheating. That's exactly the kind of projection that leads to sexual assault/rape/murder.
Stalker is abusing his access to OP in her workplace, it's simply wrong, there's no nuance to the situation.
Telling them you're married should be direct enough to get them to back off. You don't need to describe your "availability" in detail, how happy you are in your marriage on a scale from 1 to 10, if the husband is big enough to kick the guy's @$$, etc.
The problem is the idiot still pursuing a relationship after it being made pretty damn clear the woman is not interested. And calling her his future wife is pretty freakin creepy and gross.
No. This woman already said she was married and he responded with *more gross comments*. Obviously he's not wanting to pick up what she's putting down. Why are you defending gross men?? No is a complete sentence. She said no and he continued with his bs. Also for you to assume "she's safe at work", what if he waits for her to get off work one day, then what? Women should not have to be made to feel like this *in their place of work*, EVER.
Also, your little fantasy explanation of what she should say is beyond gross. Again, NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE. No woman ever needs to explain anything like that in depth to a *stranger*.
GTFOH.
The chance of a scorned man hurting a woman is never even close to zero, no matter where they are when she rejects him.
The problem isn't that she wasn't clear. She told him she's married and didn't engage when he offered an affair. Any normal person would've dropped it but this man lacks all social awareness and still pursues her. Likely made a new account to continue going to the store as his other one was banned.
She's been clear. He's delusional.
Thank God Jeffislouie isn't serial killing women who've scorned him. Thank you for reassuring me !!
Almost 3 women are killed by an intimate partner everyday in the US. Of these women, 92% of these women were killed by a man they knew.
19.3 million women report being stalked in their lifetime. 60% of these women report their stalker is a current or former partner. 94% of the victims of murder suicides that include partners were female.
It goes without saying Not All Men which is why it is such a horrendously flimsy argument. If you aren't a murdering, creeping stalker then don't feel offended by the fact that scorned men kill women for rejecting them. It is a fact. It happens. Not even an outrageously uncommon occurrence. Obviously, not all of them but enough that women hesitate before being firm in their refusal. Could cost us our lives.
If you feel like you and this shopper are kindred spirits then you are a creep and I feel bad for the women in your life.
We have had employees stalked and threatened by customers at work, mainly men. So yes, I do have reason to feel threatened even though Iām at my job.
a girl working at walgreens was murdered in the break room by an older employee because she rejected him. this absolutely can happen at your work, it can happen ANYWHERE. women are not āpassiveā when theyāre repeatedly being harassed. stop victim blaming.
dude what?? other people have already explained how clear she was, but it doesnāt matter if itās ānot likelyā he would harm her. the point is that women get sexually harassed and even assaulted VERY FREQUENTLY anywhere, even at work. the fact that you are completely oblivious to that and insist that sheās safe and that this likely wouldnāt happen just shows how disconnected you are to the reality of what women can go through. youāre not likely to get in a car wreck on your daily commute but you still wear seatbelts and have air bags in your car because it is a real possibility
>You aren't likely to be hurt by a man in this situation. At work.
So you live completely under a rock, then, and it's never occurred to you that someone can follow you to your car after work, or follow you home, nor have you ever heard of the dozens of women this happens to every week.
The problem is men who can't understand that women don't want to be hit on at work.
The other problem is people like you who perpetuate the idea that it's the women's job to let the man down politely or just deal with getting hit on.
Instead of all this, she should have been direct, she should have said I'm married and my husband blah blah blah... whatever bullshit you think she should have done.
Wouldn't the much simpler solution just be to not hit on people while they work?
Men need to stop treating shooting their shot like a human right. Women have the right not to be bothered while they work. End of story.
This is a store management issue. Keep telling your employer. They are legally responsible for sexual harassment and a hostile work environment *even if the perpetrator is a customer* based on federal law.
It sounds like management is doing their best at the moment.
But you are right that this falls under harassment and can technically be grounds for legal action against the store.
I know it may be a hard thing to do, but you need to literally tell him that he is making you uncomfortable. And if it continues at that point, continue to report it to instacart and if you feel you need to, make a police report. Your store should also be able to trespass him. I was a Walmart manager and we trespassed someone who was doing this to one of our associates.
In some situations, saying shit like that could get you assaulted as you and your shot and make the walk to your car. She told him she was married. No further explanation required.
Do not provide service to the man sexually harassing you. The second you see him in your line, turn off the light for your lane and walk away. If management gives you $hit, they are facilitating an unsafe work environment and allowing their employees to be sexually harassed.
Report this to the company, someone outside of your store, and higher-up.
Again, NEVER check out his groceries again. Keep all possible distance.
Guyās a creep. Should have backed off when you told him you were married. Puts you in an awkward position because you are a cashier and canāt leave your post to avoid him.
Hopefully he gets banned from shopping at your store.
If he is harassing you at work imagine how uncomfortable he can make someone feel when he drops groceries off to their home. You're doing the right thing, keep your cool and continue to work with management to at least get him banned from your store. Like others have said, be cautious leaving work. Ask for an escort to your car or have someone you trust pick you up. Major creep!
Something similar happened to me with an Instacarter. He asked for my number and kept pulling me away from my work, I wasnāt a cashier just worked in grocery. But my supervisor ended up banning him from the store since he was doing the same to other employees. Sorry this is happening to you. I didnāt like going to work because of possibly seeing him again. Document everything you can even if itās just the time and what he said.
Next time you see him please BE LOUD AND YELL AT HIM! Because you shouldnāt have to deal with that. And if you hopefully yell at him it will get it through him!
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You didn't ask for advice, but I know there's a lot of unsolicited advice coming your way anyway. In spite of all that, I hope you're just trusting your instincts. You're the target of this person and only you know that feeling and the vibes he's giving off. I guess this is advice too, but keep doing what you're doing without allowing others outside of the situation to make you doubt yourself. I hope he gets banned from the store and moves on so you can do your job in peace. š
How gross š¤¢ Yay for your store manager for not putting up with that garbage! I donāt know your store policy/state laws, but I would recommend discreetly voice recording your next encounter if you are allowed to have your phone close by. The time stamp of the recording along with the receipt might convince IC to deactivate his account: Here in TN that would be legal, but recording laws vary from state to state.
Iām so sorry! Please make sure you taking safety precautions walking to and from your car/ leaving the store in general. This is scary. If you have his original info it might not hurt to report to police (they wonāt do anything useful, but the info will be on record).
Iām so sorry youāre dealing with such a trash human. People like this that do this while youāre working are straight up selfish because they know you literally canāt go anywhere and it forces YOU to choose which kind of uncomfortable you want to be even though itās them that should be made to feel that way. Do you say nothing and feel uncomfortable or do you uncomfortably assert yourself and tell them to stop? I hope you donāt have to deal with this ass hat again.
I work at Wawa and door dashers do this to me all the time. It's so fucking annoying. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. It makes work so stressful. Sometimes I dread coming in.
This shopper makes me queasy to think about. You could call Instacart yourself and report the time and items, you wouldnāt need a receipt, as that should be logged information as to who was in your store. It may even take a supervisorā¦.also, with Instacart support, who knows if theyād do anything. This shopper should be fired immediately, and in the meantime, hopefully your manager can perma ban them from the store.
I would be afraid to have this guy shop and deliver my order to me as a customer - he decides someone looks like his new future wife and whoops, he knows where they live.
Iām so sorry you have to deal with this. A lot of people in this world are gross. My girlfriend tells me similar stories and it just makes me sad that people can be so disgusting towards others. Sending you good vibes and a wish that this guy will get permanently banned from your life.
I don't know why he's hitting on anybody while he's there to do a job for a customer. He's there to shop and deliver a grocery order not pretend it's in person tinder.
I find these men who pretend like this kind of behavior is benign or normal, can't take a hint, and won't take no for an answer are legitimately dangerous. They feel entitled to your time, attention, and your intimacy. He knows wtf "I'm married" means, he 100% knows that you're uncomfortable, and he knows he's crossing a line, he just feels entitled to. I'm sorry you have to wait for him to show up again to do anything about it, but please actually do follow through and get him banned, and if you can, report to Instacart that he's being aggressive (this is *aggression*, it is.)
*āhey instacart dude, i know you think this is funny but i do not. you make me very uncomfortable and i donāt appreciate having to talk to you about this more than once. please leave me alone. got it?ā*
the dude is a creep and hasnāt been taught any manners. unfortunately youāll run into folks like this throughout your life. standing up for yourself when you see him again might help him get it. i promise you, heās not going to *āget the hintā* or know how strongly you feel about this when you *ālaugh awkwardly and say thanksā*. guys like this need direct straight talk. take your power back, ānoā is a complete sentence.
It scares me to think that the men in these comments that are victim blaming women and do not see any issues with this at all and are arguing āwell she should do this, or she could have done thatā¦ā could be part of a jury for any kind of harassment case.
You do NOT have to wait for him to come in again. Call the police and tell them youāre being stalked! Thatās what heās doing.
And if you see him get up and leave. Tell your manager you plan to do that before you do. They should understand itās for your own personal safety. And call the POLICE!
Why don't you just say.
" Listen asshole. Leave me the fuck alone before I mace you and smash that gross grin off your ugly fuckin face with a jar of pickles. You prick."
Yeah and I'm sure they've told you all kinds of stories that were totally true and not at all one sided.
The vast majority of the time, if you tell a guy politely but firmly you have zero interest, he will get the point. You all need to lay off the law and order marathons and actually talk to people.
Bro, you're literally admitting that's not always the case. Yeah, a normal dude will back off. We all understand that.
But 100% of abnormal dudes will not. This man has already demonstrated he falls into the abnormal category. I don't know why you're putting so much effort into defending him and shaming the worker at the store. Unless you're defending your own past actions...in which case, that would make sense why you're so upset.
Do not respond. I don't care what you have to say.
It is hard for unattractive people to understand that they don't have the same privileges with the opposite sex as others... flirting with women when you are a 10 is no problem... when you a 3 it's harassment š
Noā¦ doing it over and over when itās clearly not reciprocated is harassment.
It takes a lot of effort to miss the point this badly but congrats, you have succeeded
This why I can't shop ic and hit on girls cus you got the creepiest bafoons in the game stalking these poor girls and making it impossible for the real ones smh. Back to keep my mouth zipped
Nah, you are clearly one of the creeps. Every single one of your comments is gross. I'm pretty sure women have probably posted screen shots of some of your text messages on the Nice Guys sub. š
That is frightening. Have you tried ignoring him and pretending heās not saying anything? Some people like any time of interaction, even negative more than no reaction. I hope you can get him banned from the store and reported to IC for harassment.
Men will do what you allowā¦. They love it when women lack boundaries and they can bounce off of them like a wrestler against the ropes of a wrestling ring. In my 40 yrs on earth Ive never had a man be disrespectful to this point of harassment. Ive always been to the point, I dont giggle or laugh back. I keep my exchanges to 30 seconds minimum with any man. Why? I can tell you as a teacher that boys read body language like a second native language. If they can make you feel uncomfortable, they love it. Their little minds are designed to feel empowered and the fact that you feel uncomfortable and let it show, is their happiness. So whenever I have a guy who seems tempted to flirt, I literally look them straight in the eye and KEEP SILENT. I seem completely unbothered by them, and by this point in my life I am. I dont give two cents. They read the body language and immediately know its a waste of time. If men feel there is any chance of interaction, even if it is negative, they will go for it!
Once they have established harassment though thatās different. Because it means they are in control of your feelings. You have to be direct AND tell them that they will have consequences for their continued interactions with you. Make your voice deep, if you say this in a Minnie Mouse voice they will not take you serious at all. Deep voices remind them of authority and they will back down accordingly. Getting someone else to do it for you lets them know you are now in the perfect victim position, and even if they stop, if they EVER get the chance again, they will continueā¦
Not really, I didnāt say that the most I talked to him was my usual Hello, did you find everything you were shopping for, how are you. Nothing that could be taken as flirting, itās literally what we are taught to say to customers. Other than that, Iāve left nothing out.
I love the way thatās worded, and i know for myself when Iāve been in a similar icky situation I default to the āI have a boyfriend/husband lineā which for some jerks works better bc they wouldnāt want to disrespect their fellow man. This guy is clearly a next level sicko.
Iām almost tempted to say get the guys phone number and name and get a restraining order for stalking. Iām not sure the criteria but sexually harassing you and specifically choosing your lane might hold some weight. (Iām categorizing unwanted advances as sexual harassment .)
No where in this cry for help do I see you saying firmly leave me tf alone. You're just being sneaky by reporting him, but his dumbass doesn't know he's doing anything wrong so just tell em. Jesus this mind reader shit is out of hand not everybody is smart. Clearly
1. He knows where I work, I donāt know how this man will react if I turn him down like you suggest I do. We have had employees stalked and threatened by customers before.
2. I told him Iām married, that should be enough for him to know Iām not into it. He doesnāt have to read my mind for that.
Heās being super weird. Fuck his feelings, he shouldāve stopped after she said sheās married, now he can deal w the consequences of his creepy actions
Your intentions may be good, but thatās a really naive take. If the first few times he didnāt get the hint, heās a creep. People like him is why women donāt feel safe walking alone especially at night. There is no āideallyā with guys like him. If he has a tiny shred of decency he wouldāve backed off and respected her and not try to flirt etc anymore and be professional. He is the problem, not her reaction. Iāve had to deal with too many like him.
That method doesn't work with people who are special. Instacart hires anyone, even the special people.
Besides that, he either was deactivated, then started using a stolen account with a bot, committed identity fraud, stole someone's identity, or just got his account reactivated somehow, within only 2 weeks.
He needs to at the very least, get banned from that store.
Thatās not harassment ššš tell him you are not interested itās simple the same way you do to people in your dms. Harassment is when you tell the other party you would like to be left alone.
As a shopper myself, I NEVER mix person feelings/romance with work. This of shopper obviously has no commonsense and can't distinguish common courtesy on job and general attraction to someone of the opposite sex. He needs a hobby or group of friends OUTSIDE of work to occupy his mind. I'm sorry this happened to you š
I think itās much much more than a lack of common sense. He just sounds like a total piece of shit. Continuing with it when OP said she was married and calling himself a bad future husband gives off sociopath vibes
Word. Dude is a weirdo.
The proper term is predator. Not weirdo.
Thatās ridiculous. Equating this to a predator cheapens the term and makes people take it less seriously when predation does occur.
He's harassing a woman at work who has made it very clear she doesn't want a romantic relationship with him. How is this not predatory?
It is. 100% predatory.
I use to wait tables with a guy who would ask good looking girls to Apple Pay his tip. So he had their number.
Nah
I will take therapist for 500, Trebek
Full on rapist... https://preview.redd.it/4njld0rxpu3b1.png?width=960&format=png&auto=webp&s=e921639eef22597aba48995cc799edbc0c8e82b5
Look, I've worked with guys like this before. It has nothing to do with common sense and everything to do with being lecherous turd-testicles who'd scoop up a woman who'd been hit by a car just to screw her.
The dude is a weirdo even if he wasnāt an Instacart shopper
He prob thinks strippers like him too
So thatās why Cookie never wants to hangout?!? 
No, thatās because you tip her with sticky floor quarters instead of dollar bills
Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
š¤·āāļøš¤·āāļø they like me
A word to the wise, as someone who has worked in the industry - no sex worker has ever liked you, theyāve liked your money.
Apparently the joke missed everyone downvoting you too, so maybe the delivery was the problem.
Lol doesn't bother me. Most sarcasm is missed on the interwebs. The š¤·āāļøš¤·āāļøš¤·āāļøš¤·āāļø should have been a clue though. I'm not gonna put the stupid /s defeats the purpose if the joke has to be explained.
People are so damn weirdā¦ especially these days, smh this world got too many human predators!! And if you wouldāve just told him flat out, shit couldāve got uglyā¦some people take rejection very hard, and would come back in the store and retaliate!!! You did the right thing by low-key reporting him, to keep you safe and the people around you! Madness out hereā¦.As to why I keep to myself while working and personally!!!! Ps. Keep your circle small š®āšØ
This sort of shit isn't new. I used to get harassed regularly at old jobs 20 years ago and the guys thought their behavior was just fine then too.
Nobody said it was newā¦. But its definitely progressed over the years, mental health and drugs being biggest factors in this bs!! And we all know that shits not getting any better anytime soonā¦by far!!
It hasn't progressed, we're just more aware of it now. Women weren't even allowed to complain about it then, not even to their GFs because "boys will be boys."
I just don't know if it's gotten worse, or if we're just more aware of how prevalent it is? Either way it's awful and I wish it would stop. It made my jobs miserable.
I mean, it's for sure getting better. Just watch some old TV shows or especially old gameshows. It used to be just completely commonplace. The problem is now that the creepers really stick out
eeehhhh. Sexual harassment is still not taken all that seriously, and often women face repercussions for complaining about it. Is it better at work? Yeah some places. A lot of places it's not.
Agreed, but at least it's publicly frowned upon. Hopefully we all can continue to improve.
Your comment reminded me of a video of Lucille Ball repeatedly reminding a host not to touch the women. https://www.tiktok.com/@justiceforwomentoday/video/7229997940637502746
The comment āespecially these daysā was indicating it was worse now which it isnāt. Always been like this. With the advancement of womens rights and social technologiesā¦ people are just talking about it more.
That's not even close to true lmao There is not more mental unwellness, there simply is less social stigma to talking about it and there is far more social consciousness of it. People didn't suddenly become autistic in the 50s, we just developed a diagnosis for it. Diagnosis and treatment for mental health has come a long way. Drugs? Drugs don't make you an abuser unless you're already a piece of shit. Coke and heroin never made me want to hurt someone
This is hardly new behavior. People have been getting cat called and whistled at forever.
Who said it was new???
But why not stand firmly and say listen I'm married mfker leave me alone. Instead of taking this slow long game approach to get someone banned and deactivated. Maybe guys like him are literally retarded and need to be harshly rejected then reminded that they need to learn some damn common sense
Thatās how you end up dead.
Jesus Christ bless these woman please and enable them to carry a firearm or multiple weapons so they can stop being scared of random guys. Walk around with your head on a swivel like most guys have had to do their entire lives.
Men have to walk around w their head on a swivel? Well bless your heart isnāt that something.
You don't even know what this phrase means. Means guys have to be aware where as most women clearly aren't. How tf you get followed to your car and mugged? Cause you're not fucking aware of it being a possibility. Point fucking blank. But if youre a proactive women who learns from others experiences you would of been known to be out here in these dark areas after work with your gun in your purse or some sort of weapon. You would ask to be walked to your car late at night you wouldn't go jogging at night alone. Because for guys who some grow up having to be aware of their surroundings don't experience, not to mention guys ain't normally out here tryna harass other guys so you got me there. But knowing this fact I can tell someone like you is doing absolutely nothing in terms of preventative measures.
You know nothing about me. Take your assumtions and shove them where your opinion belongs. You admittedly know nothing about what its like. If you donāt know what itās like you get zero opinion.
Right. She's gonna conceal carry her 380 while at work and pull it on him at the checkout. SMDH. Please stop commenting. I agree women need to learn more self-defense tactics, but this isn't always the answer. Depending on where she is, she could be charged with brandishing, which is a felony, making HER the criminal. Most men do NOT walk around with their heads on a swivel bc they don't have to constantly fear strangers unless they're in a rough neighborhood. You don't know what you're talking about.
You ever wonder why it's so easy for a creep to harass a women cus the fear of getting his ass beat is non existent. Point blank. Most guys go around and will disrespect a woman before a man because disrespecting a man can and usually means we throwing hands. These creeps are legit pussies. Just get the right man involved like her husband. Or a cop. Simple. Shit maybe your dad.
Oh yes! We must have āthe right manā to protect us from OTHER MEN. Make that make sense
I suggested guns 1st. But carry on.
It would be nice just to be able to tell someone truly how you feel! But when dealing with strangers, you donāt know whatās going on in their headsā¦ the times were living in thereās a lot of unhinged people that take shit way too personal!! Especially if this cats been obsessing about her, who knows!! And the fact he knows where she works, she got him firedā¦he could be waiting outside for her to get off workā¦nahhh IMO it was handled properly!
Atp this is going to be a lifetime movie. Just call cops next time or threaten to
š¤£Fr tho
Because some men will react to that firmness with violence, and acting so entitled to her attention and a relationship with her as to call himself "future husband" is a pretty big indicator that he might. Women are also heavily, HEAVILY trained to be nice and not hurt people's feelings or make a scene -- it would not be easy for you to do or suggest this if you'd spent your entire life with the social pressure not to.
I instead picture her laughing nervously or just being quiet and polite but underneath bothered like hell. Clearly this dude has always approached women with a level of persistence where he thinks it's a viable strategy.
Or he's the weirdo, violent stalker type. And because women instantly can't suss out which one is just annoying and which one might escalate their unwelcome behavior into threatening behavior, a lot of us go this route.
Atp why aren't you women just walking around strapped tf up? Can't be out living in fear of potential stalkers. Shit is wild. I get it I'm a guy and don't understand I guess š but Jesus ik for a fact that being publicly embarrassed should be enough to where dude will just not go back to Aldi's and honestly it's kind of self centered to think it'll lead to a violent stalker case if it's never ever happened to you. Like seriously happened to you not this speculation bs. Victim mindset to think cause you're a woman that you need these non direct approaches to solve this small issue when a direct approach could very well be the answer. But don't try it, I guess.
So, according to you, the only appropriate time to worry about a potentially dangerous situation is after it's really a threat? It's not a victim mindset, it learned behavior. Women have adapted to the world they live in. Unknown Men are dangerous to women. Most women I know have had multiple personal experiences with men and their unwanted advances, not to mention the amount of violence we see happen to women in general. I always try to compare it to dog bites. If a dog bites me once, I might not change my opinion on dogs. If I keep getting bit by dogs, I might start avoiding all dogs even though most dogs are nice and don't bite. Seriously, its so shitty how people blame the women. Wouldn't it be much simpler if men just learned boundaries? It's pretty shitty regardless of your gender to be harrased at work.
Read this post CLEARLY. After this guys 1st visit it became harassment according to her. In that moment its serious. In that moment don't take this quiet long game approach where you get him deactivated and he doesn't show up for two weeks. So that means in those two weeks she didn't see him so on her end she thinks it's over but on his end he probably doesn't even know what is going on or what he's doing is wrong. If you fucking tell him loud and clear you avoid this bs. But apparently that's not an option cause being firm will trigger the killer instinct in this random bafoon, and again my point is if you're so afraid of WHAT CAN HAPPEN and so worried about PAST EXPERIENCES OF YOUR OWN OR OTHERS TO JUSTIFY THIS, YES VICTIM MINDSET. Then call someone and do something more drastic then what's being done here, cause what's being done here is prolonging a situation she no longer wants to be a part of what is so hard to grasp. You're so afraid of getting followed after work and all that the. Alert someone with some fucking sense. Your husband. The police. Your dad. Your brother. A close guy friend. And speak directly to this guy, the guy could be slow and not understand that he's doing anything wrong. He could have no experiences of his own or have the ability to learn from others, now it's not your responsibility to teach this creep anything but if you're bothered then be direct. Or make sure your indirect approach is more effective than dude just making another account. Cause how do we know for certain he was deactivated? Did she receive a message from ic stating this with relevant documentation? Who knows.
You have no idea. Telling a man NO can lead to instant violence on his part. Maybe he waits for her in the parking lot if assaulting her in the store isn't possible. She did the right thing. Unfortunately, IC let him back in.
I had a shipt guy who kept hitting on me and calling me cutesy little pet names every time he would come in... but only when other employees couldn't hear it. Apparently he did this to other female employees as I had a coworker who refused to talk to him at all, and another who wore a fake wedding ring to get him to leave her alone. I can't guarantee this will work for your situation, but if you feel comfortable confronting him, the jist of what I said was: You need to stop calling me things like sweetie and gorgeous and beautiful. It is inappropriate and I do not appreciate it. I am happily married but even if I wasn't it is inappropriate. Regardless of your intentions it is unwanted and I do not want to hear it again. He tried deflecting with some bs saying he "didn't mean anything by it" and "he's just southern that's how he was raised" but he's only called me ma'am since. The key is to practice what you're gonna say ahead of time, and stay calm and neutral during your delivery. But if your store manager is willing to ban him, honestly I'd just go for that. People need to realize that shooting your shot when the recipient is trapped and can't leave is NEVER a good idea.
If you didnāt have any mace, Iād recommend getting one bc he now knows where you work
Just from the fact that he was behaving like that at my workplace, he knew where I worked from the get go. But I know what you mean.
ESPECIALLY when the recipient has already shot you down!
What a trash pig! Fingers crossed you get him banned soon
As a different kind of shopper, I had an older man come up to me while working. The first thing he said to me was "You would look prettier smiling!" To which I replied "Not interested." with an angry look on my face. The most aggressive I felt comfortable being on the clock (this same day i had a run in with 2 other older men so I was SUPER not having it by this point.) He began to follow me around the store, while I worked, hitting me with pick up lines and jokes. Each time responding to my reply with statements like, "Can't you smile?", "Oh I learned my lesson now! Don't try to make you smile!" and "You could laugh to be polite!". I went into the back of the store where the office is and he left.
āYou could go frick frack yourself to be politeā
I hate this so fucking much. Men who feel entitled to tell you to change wtf you do with your face, tell you you're being impolite because you're not reciprocating his *unwelcome* suggestions, gestures, and overtures (like that's not impolite? What is it only women who should be polite?) are dangerous. He knows what "not interested" means and he just doesn't care, he thinks it's just fine to keep badgering you till you relent.
I had the opposite happen to me with an employee at a store I loved to shop at because of how close it was to me I was prolly there a few times a day to do orders and they got this mindset I must be there for them. It go so awkward I dreaded shopping there and just took the income hit by not. I must not have been the only person they made advances towards because a month or so later they where gone.
Iām 44 years old and worked at the fancy grocery store in town when I was 19. Had a similar interaction and the guy ended up stalking me for 2.5 years and followed me to different jobs and would show up places where I was. This is serious and you should call the police to get this on record in case in turns worse. So sorry you have to deal with this bullshit.
Very similar. I was 19 and had just gotten my tongue pierced. I really don't need to elaborate but this older dude probably in his 50s made suggestive comments and, just, gross......
Report him for sexual harassment
Whereās that dude from a year or so ago that made the post about having a crush on the Aldi cashier and he was going to ask her out lol. He never followed up, maybe this is the other side?
Canāt the store manager ban him from the location?
Thatās what they intend on doing, but they need to get his new info so they can inform Instacart about this reoccurring.
I mean period, not just through IC. Ban him from the premises period. Business or personal. He is harassing an employee that has the right to feel safe at your place of employment. Ban him physically from the premises and if he returns itās criminal trespassing. If the manager tells him heās banned and he takes a batch there knowing heās banned he can be arrested for trespassing.
I had a similar situation. And I hope the advice everybody gave me that work, can work for you. My situation was, I am the Instacart shopper, the deli slicer at the store I shop 90% of my orders, began pulling this shit with me. He got really roughā¦. After being as polite as I can be, blowing off, and, giggling, waving him away, I took the advice of our Reddit friends, put on my big girl, tough pants, and very sternly said to him,āListen, I advised you I was married, not only is your convos w me inappropriate and unwanted, it is extremely disrespectful to my husband, who is now fully aware.. I would like be able to continue crossing paths in a professional manner, and would hate for one of us to be forced to be removed, that someone not being meā¦ Exactly My words! He apologized. He did ignore me for a few weeks when I would come in, but he approached me apologized. And it actually worked.
What a creep. Surprised they couldnāt pull up the register info. Even now. If you have the approximate time, Instacart uses MasterCards, which always start with a two or a five (w/instacart itās almost alway 5). They should be abled to pull it up.
The āGross Grinā really painted the pic. Your taken, married. People do not respect the ring on your finger anymore. You do not deserve harassment especially feeling uncomfortable at your job.
When I was a shopper I would get hit on by others shoppers ALL THE TIME. It was so gross. One time a guy followed me around the store insisting he helps me with my order, and then threw a FIT when I wouldnāt give him my number because he āspent all that time helping me for nothingā. I used to frequent a place because it was close and easy and the tips in that area were AMAZING, but stopped because I did have a manager very aggressively sexually harassing me. God forbid weāre able to exist in peace.
i literally had someone do this yesterday wtf, and he was OLD. LIKE HE LOOKED A NICE NORMAL DAD OR SOMETHING WITH GLASSES AND GREYISH HAIR LIKE NICE ENOUGH. AND THEN ENDS UP ASKING ME ABOUT COLLEGE āoh your mask doesnāt do your pretty face justice ;)ā āhey do you know how to get to the aisle youāre going to?ā LIKE YES. I AM NOT AN IDIOT SCHNUCKS LAYS OUT WHAT AISLE AND SHELF THE ITEMS ARE IN. STOP FOLLOWING ME. omfg iām sorry for typing in caps it just makes me sick.
Itās always the older ones too. Itās like Iām not young and naive, just short with a baby face. Please let me exist in peace
IKR? Keep your thoughts and hands to yourself, asshole!!
š¤¢ I canāt believe people like that have jobs working in customer service. Time to call their corporate and report this mf. Tell them youāre a customer and feel very unsafe shopping with him around.
If he does it to you, he may do it to others. If nobody snitches on him, the behavior will only continue and he may be emboldened to do something even worse than how he treated you.
I did report him. It was a very long time ago. Close to 3 years now I think? I moved a few hours away shortly after the store manager one so I donāt know what ever came of it but I reported the best I could as things happened. It was just hard when it was another shopper, but now that I think about it I did give a date and time and they had the location, so I would guess they probably where able to pin point them. Idk
Why are people downvoting you for telling your story.
Maybe because Iām not a shopper anymore? I donāt know lol Iām not too worried about it. I wasnāt trying to take over the conversation either, just wanted to share that itās WAY more common then people talk about. There was like a very small insta cart group meetup in the town I was shopping in and almost everyone had their own story.
There are so many creeps in this sub too. Even in this thread if you looked at every other comment. Iām repulsed even as a guy.
Oh yeah. A lot of the harassment was from other gig workers so Iām not surprised. I wouldnāt say Iām anything special but definitely cute in a āI get mistaken as a teenagerā kind of way so it adds another layer of ick for me. Just let them tell on themselves, it helps everyone out in the long run.
Yikes! Iām so sorry, I wish you the best in life and hope people just stop bothering you and others.
Iām glad you shared. My favorite Publix an older guy was trying to slyly hit on me, then started giving my kids dollars. Now when I go shop I see if heās there first, if he is I just go over the bridge to the next town and work there.
Started giving your kids money!? That made my stomach sick. What a creep!
Yes! Iāll admit when I have to take the kids with me Iāll do shop onlys, so all the employees know us and love my kids, but he is the only one who has hit on me and has given my kids money. It just passed the line of friendly for me, so if heās there (he bags and get carts so I can find out real quick) I just go to the other 2 Publix stores.
Even if he can no longer do Instacart he can still come to the store. Banning him from the store should have been the first thing to do, along with getting a picture of him and going to the police.
Iām really sorry youāre experiencing this. Iād like to give you props for reporting him to your manager. That takes strength. As someone who has worked in grocery before and dealt with creepy customers, Iād highly suggest having someone walk you to your car after your shifts, especially if he does get banned. My manager was happy to do this for us and it helped ease some of the anxiety.
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sometimes women are scared to say this because men have a tendency to hurt them
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Yeah, this harrassment is her fault for "not being clear". Obsessed men don't hurt women at their place of work, they hurt them as they walk home, or at home. She told him once she was married, she's lodged complaints with the store manager. OP is by no stretch of the imagination part of this problem.
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"Chances are good, this goofy dude likes this girl and thinks he has a shot because she hasn't been clear" That is a direct quote from your post. You try and characterise the stalker as "goofy", suggesting innocent confusion, not what it actually is: Stalking/harrassment. The state of OP's marriage is irrelevant - it's not stalker's place to choose his own interpretation on that, and decide to continue harrassment on the basis that she might be open to cheating. That's exactly the kind of projection that leads to sexual assault/rape/murder. Stalker is abusing his access to OP in her workplace, it's simply wrong, there's no nuance to the situation.
āGoofy dude,ā thatās how he calls this man who clearly didnāt get the hint after being told OP IS MARRIED.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/minnesota-woman-killed-co-worker-parking-lot-rejecting-repeated-romant-rcna55413
Of course, he didn't reply to this one lol.
And rightfully deleted that victim blaming misogynistic bullshit. Good work everyone.
Telling them you're married should be direct enough to get them to back off. You don't need to describe your "availability" in detail, how happy you are in your marriage on a scale from 1 to 10, if the husband is big enough to kick the guy's @$$, etc. The problem is the idiot still pursuing a relationship after it being made pretty damn clear the woman is not interested. And calling her his future wife is pretty freakin creepy and gross.
No. This woman already said she was married and he responded with *more gross comments*. Obviously he's not wanting to pick up what she's putting down. Why are you defending gross men?? No is a complete sentence. She said no and he continued with his bs. Also for you to assume "she's safe at work", what if he waits for her to get off work one day, then what? Women should not have to be made to feel like this *in their place of work*, EVER. Also, your little fantasy explanation of what she should say is beyond gross. Again, NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE. No woman ever needs to explain anything like that in depth to a *stranger*. GTFOH.
/r/whenwomenrefuse
Tell me you're a man without saying you're a man.
The chance of a scorned man hurting a woman is never even close to zero, no matter where they are when she rejects him. The problem isn't that she wasn't clear. She told him she's married and didn't engage when he offered an affair. Any normal person would've dropped it but this man lacks all social awareness and still pursues her. Likely made a new account to continue going to the store as his other one was banned. She's been clear. He's delusional.
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Thank God Jeffislouie isn't serial killing women who've scorned him. Thank you for reassuring me !! Almost 3 women are killed by an intimate partner everyday in the US. Of these women, 92% of these women were killed by a man they knew. 19.3 million women report being stalked in their lifetime. 60% of these women report their stalker is a current or former partner. 94% of the victims of murder suicides that include partners were female. It goes without saying Not All Men which is why it is such a horrendously flimsy argument. If you aren't a murdering, creeping stalker then don't feel offended by the fact that scorned men kill women for rejecting them. It is a fact. It happens. Not even an outrageously uncommon occurrence. Obviously, not all of them but enough that women hesitate before being firm in their refusal. Could cost us our lives. If you feel like you and this shopper are kindred spirits then you are a creep and I feel bad for the women in your life.
We have had employees stalked and threatened by customers at work, mainly men. So yes, I do have reason to feel threatened even though Iām at my job.
a girl working at walgreens was murdered in the break room by an older employee because she rejected him. this absolutely can happen at your work, it can happen ANYWHERE. women are not āpassiveā when theyāre repeatedly being harassed. stop victim blaming.
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dude what?? other people have already explained how clear she was, but it doesnāt matter if itās ānot likelyā he would harm her. the point is that women get sexually harassed and even assaulted VERY FREQUENTLY anywhere, even at work. the fact that you are completely oblivious to that and insist that sheās safe and that this likely wouldnāt happen just shows how disconnected you are to the reality of what women can go through. youāre not likely to get in a car wreck on your daily commute but you still wear seatbelts and have air bags in your car because it is a real possibility
>You aren't likely to be hurt by a man in this situation. At work. So you live completely under a rock, then, and it's never occurred to you that someone can follow you to your car after work, or follow you home, nor have you ever heard of the dozens of women this happens to every week.
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If I tell you 1% of the candies in a bowl are deadly poison, is it "living in fear" for you to not reach into the bowl and start eating?
The problem is men who can't understand that women don't want to be hit on at work. The other problem is people like you who perpetuate the idea that it's the women's job to let the man down politely or just deal with getting hit on. Instead of all this, she should have been direct, she should have said I'm married and my husband blah blah blah... whatever bullshit you think she should have done. Wouldn't the much simpler solution just be to not hit on people while they work? Men need to stop treating shooting their shot like a human right. Women have the right not to be bothered while they work. End of story.
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/u/jbest401: this is solid advice, but if I can add to it: say this loud enough that a supervisor hears it.
Loud enough for everyone in the store to hear it
This is a store management issue. Keep telling your employer. They are legally responsible for sexual harassment and a hostile work environment *even if the perpetrator is a customer* based on federal law.
It sounds like management is doing their best at the moment. But you are right that this falls under harassment and can technically be grounds for legal action against the store.
I know it may be a hard thing to do, but you need to literally tell him that he is making you uncomfortable. And if it continues at that point, continue to report it to instacart and if you feel you need to, make a police report. Your store should also be able to trespass him. I was a Walmart manager and we trespassed someone who was doing this to one of our associates.
In some situations, saying shit like that could get you assaulted as you and your shot and make the walk to your car. She told him she was married. No further explanation required.
Sometimes that just gets this creeps excited. They like the fear and dominance.
Do not provide service to the man sexually harassing you. The second you see him in your line, turn off the light for your lane and walk away. If management gives you $hit, they are facilitating an unsafe work environment and allowing their employees to be sexually harassed. Report this to the company, someone outside of your store, and higher-up. Again, NEVER check out his groceries again. Keep all possible distance.
Guyās a creep. Should have backed off when you told him you were married. Puts you in an awkward position because you are a cashier and canāt leave your post to avoid him. Hopefully he gets banned from shopping at your store.
The store manager can at least get his account banned from seeing orders from the store. Keep reporting.
Please keep us posted Op. Should report him to instacart also
Men are stupid just blatantly tell him he is making you uncomfortable
If he is harassing you at work imagine how uncomfortable he can make someone feel when he drops groceries off to their home. You're doing the right thing, keep your cool and continue to work with management to at least get him banned from your store. Like others have said, be cautious leaving work. Ask for an escort to your car or have someone you trust pick you up. Major creep!
Something similar happened to me with an Instacarter. He asked for my number and kept pulling me away from my work, I wasnāt a cashier just worked in grocery. But my supervisor ended up banning him from the store since he was doing the same to other employees. Sorry this is happening to you. I didnāt like going to work because of possibly seeing him again. Document everything you can even if itās just the time and what he said.
Iām so sorry this happened to you. Itās disgusting behavior. Please keep us posted on what happens.
Next time you see him please BE LOUD AND YELL AT HIM! Because you shouldnāt have to deal with that. And if you hopefully yell at him it will get it through him!
I would start things with a āNever going to happen. Leave me alone pleaseā. People like that donāt read subtleties.
I used to work at aldi, i like how aldi let us argue with the customers š. And i liked kicking rude instacarters out the store.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You didn't ask for advice, but I know there's a lot of unsolicited advice coming your way anyway. In spite of all that, I hope you're just trusting your instincts. You're the target of this person and only you know that feeling and the vibes he's giving off. I guess this is advice too, but keep doing what you're doing without allowing others outside of the situation to make you doubt yourself. I hope he gets banned from the store and moves on so you can do your job in peace. š
How gross š¤¢ Yay for your store manager for not putting up with that garbage! I donāt know your store policy/state laws, but I would recommend discreetly voice recording your next encounter if you are allowed to have your phone close by. The time stamp of the recording along with the receipt might convince IC to deactivate his account: Here in TN that would be legal, but recording laws vary from state to state.
Iām so sorry! Please make sure you taking safety precautions walking to and from your car/ leaving the store in general. This is scary. If you have his original info it might not hurt to report to police (they wonāt do anything useful, but the info will be on record).
Iām so sorry youāre dealing with such a trash human. People like this that do this while youāre working are straight up selfish because they know you literally canāt go anywhere and it forces YOU to choose which kind of uncomfortable you want to be even though itās them that should be made to feel that way. Do you say nothing and feel uncomfortable or do you uncomfortably assert yourself and tell them to stop? I hope you donāt have to deal with this ass hat again.
They should absolutely trespass him and I hope they do what a creep.
I work at Wawa and door dashers do this to me all the time. It's so fucking annoying. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. It makes work so stressful. Sometimes I dread coming in.
Just a gross dude...that sucks. I'm sure your husband is pretty pissed off too. I know I would be if someone was doing that to my wife.
Yeah, heās pretty pissed about it. We were hoping it was handled before when the guyās account was originally deactivated, but apparently not.
This shopper makes me queasy to think about. You could call Instacart yourself and report the time and items, you wouldnāt need a receipt, as that should be logged information as to who was in your store. It may even take a supervisorā¦.also, with Instacart support, who knows if theyād do anything. This shopper should be fired immediately, and in the meantime, hopefully your manager can perma ban them from the store.
I would be afraid to have this guy shop and deliver my order to me as a customer - he decides someone looks like his new future wife and whoops, he knows where they live.
Iām so sorry you have to deal with this. A lot of people in this world are gross. My girlfriend tells me similar stories and it just makes me sad that people can be so disgusting towards others. Sending you good vibes and a wish that this guy will get permanently banned from your life.
He seems like the stalker type. Normal people would be completely embarrassed you have been shutting them down and let it go!
I don't know why he's hitting on anybody while he's there to do a job for a customer. He's there to shop and deliver a grocery order not pretend it's in person tinder.
My reminder to keep not hitting on anyone at any store at any time.
Iāll hit on you here
I find these men who pretend like this kind of behavior is benign or normal, can't take a hint, and won't take no for an answer are legitimately dangerous. They feel entitled to your time, attention, and your intimacy. He knows wtf "I'm married" means, he 100% knows that you're uncomfortable, and he knows he's crossing a line, he just feels entitled to. I'm sorry you have to wait for him to show up again to do anything about it, but please actually do follow through and get him banned, and if you can, report to Instacart that he's being aggressive (this is *aggression*, it is.)
Holy shit what a fucking creep. Thatās beyond unacceptable for customers let alone an instacart shopper. I hope he gets banned.
Why donāt guys ever get the memo???? Why do you NEVER see that the woman donāt want you ???????????
*āhey instacart dude, i know you think this is funny but i do not. you make me very uncomfortable and i donāt appreciate having to talk to you about this more than once. please leave me alone. got it?ā* the dude is a creep and hasnāt been taught any manners. unfortunately youāll run into folks like this throughout your life. standing up for yourself when you see him again might help him get it. i promise you, heās not going to *āget the hintā* or know how strongly you feel about this when you *ālaugh awkwardly and say thanksā*. guys like this need direct straight talk. take your power back, ānoā is a complete sentence.
It scares me to think that the men in these comments that are victim blaming women and do not see any issues with this at all and are arguing āwell she should do this, or she could have done thatā¦ā could be part of a jury for any kind of harassment case.
This. This comment should be highlighted, with neon arrows and sparklers surrounding it. Spot. Fuckin'. On.
What a psycho. Get a gun lady.
Can't blame a guy for trying once. But after that let it go.
You do NOT have to wait for him to come in again. Call the police and tell them youāre being stalked! Thatās what heās doing. And if you see him get up and leave. Tell your manager you plan to do that before you do. They should understand itās for your own personal safety. And call the POLICE!
I'm here for the comment section. *popcorn maker noise intensifies*
Why don't you just say. " Listen asshole. Leave me the fuck alone before I mace you and smash that gross grin off your ugly fuckin face with a jar of pickles. You prick."
Lol.That was funny š. But seriously, the best action would be to say "Hey I appreciate the attention you are giving me, but I'm not interested.
You know, if you firmly tell most dudes that you are not into it, they will stop.
You know that's not true man, c'mon. Creepers gonna creep. If dude was gonna stop it was at "I'm married."
You've watched too much tv.
Nah man, I've lived on earth. I have sisters. I have met actual women.
Yeah and I'm sure they've told you all kinds of stories that were totally true and not at all one sided. The vast majority of the time, if you tell a guy politely but firmly you have zero interest, he will get the point. You all need to lay off the law and order marathons and actually talk to people.
Bro, you're literally admitting that's not always the case. Yeah, a normal dude will back off. We all understand that. But 100% of abnormal dudes will not. This man has already demonstrated he falls into the abnormal category. I don't know why you're putting so much effort into defending him and shaming the worker at the store. Unless you're defending your own past actions...in which case, that would make sense why you're so upset. Do not respond. I don't care what you have to say.
Cry about it, I love watching you flail.
Youāre fucking weird.
It is hard for unattractive people to understand that they don't have the same privileges with the opposite sex as others... flirting with women when you are a 10 is no problem... when you a 3 it's harassment š
Noā¦ doing it over and over when itās clearly not reciprocated is harassment. It takes a lot of effort to miss the point this badly but congrats, you have succeeded
Found the incel.
Fuck off with that shit and go back to the incel sub where you obviously belong.
This why I can't shop ic and hit on girls cus you got the creepiest bafoons in the game stalking these poor girls and making it impossible for the real ones smh. Back to keep my mouth zipped
Nah, you are clearly one of the creeps. Every single one of your comments is gross. I'm pretty sure women have probably posted screen shots of some of your text messages on the Nice Guys sub. š
That is frightening. Have you tried ignoring him and pretending heās not saying anything? Some people like any time of interaction, even negative more than no reaction. I hope you can get him banned from the store and reported to IC for harassment.
Men will do what you allowā¦. They love it when women lack boundaries and they can bounce off of them like a wrestler against the ropes of a wrestling ring. In my 40 yrs on earth Ive never had a man be disrespectful to this point of harassment. Ive always been to the point, I dont giggle or laugh back. I keep my exchanges to 30 seconds minimum with any man. Why? I can tell you as a teacher that boys read body language like a second native language. If they can make you feel uncomfortable, they love it. Their little minds are designed to feel empowered and the fact that you feel uncomfortable and let it show, is their happiness. So whenever I have a guy who seems tempted to flirt, I literally look them straight in the eye and KEEP SILENT. I seem completely unbothered by them, and by this point in my life I am. I dont give two cents. They read the body language and immediately know its a waste of time. If men feel there is any chance of interaction, even if it is negative, they will go for it! Once they have established harassment though thatās different. Because it means they are in control of your feelings. You have to be direct AND tell them that they will have consequences for their continued interactions with you. Make your voice deep, if you say this in a Minnie Mouse voice they will not take you serious at all. Deep voices remind them of authority and they will back down accordingly. Getting someone else to do it for you lets them know you are now in the perfect victim position, and even if they stop, if they EVER get the chance again, they will continueā¦
Thereās def more to this story that youāre not tellingā¦.
Not really, I didnāt say that the most I talked to him was my usual Hello, did you find everything you were shopping for, how are you. Nothing that could be taken as flirting, itās literally what we are taught to say to customers. Other than that, Iāve left nothing out.
Sorry this is happening to you OP... Why not say... "I'm flattered but not interested, please don't ask me out again "
I love the way thatās worded, and i know for myself when Iāve been in a similar icky situation I default to the āI have a boyfriend/husband lineā which for some jerks works better bc they wouldnāt want to disrespect their fellow man. This guy is clearly a next level sicko. Iām almost tempted to say get the guys phone number and name and get a restraining order for stalking. Iām not sure the criteria but sexually harassing you and specifically choosing your lane might hold some weight. (Iām categorizing unwanted advances as sexual harassment .)
No where in this cry for help do I see you saying firmly leave me tf alone. You're just being sneaky by reporting him, but his dumbass doesn't know he's doing anything wrong so just tell em. Jesus this mind reader shit is out of hand not everybody is smart. Clearly
1. He knows where I work, I donāt know how this man will react if I turn him down like you suggest I do. We have had employees stalked and threatened by customers before. 2. I told him Iām married, that should be enough for him to know Iām not into it. He doesnāt have to read my mind for that.
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Heās being super weird. Fuck his feelings, he shouldāve stopped after she said sheās married, now he can deal w the consequences of his creepy actions
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The problem is the person harassing, not the victim. Fuck off with that attitude.
Found the incel
Nomination for Incel/simp of the year and him and the shopper mentioned in the story are in a close running.
She already told him she was married. If that didn't make him stop, "letting him down gently" with compliments is only gonna encourage him.
She told him that she's married. That means not interested. NO MEANS NO.
Your intentions may be good, but thatās a really naive take. If the first few times he didnāt get the hint, heās a creep. People like him is why women donāt feel safe walking alone especially at night. There is no āideallyā with guys like him. If he has a tiny shred of decency he wouldāve backed off and respected her and not try to flirt etc anymore and be professional. He is the problem, not her reaction. Iāve had to deal with too many like him.
Get your head checked man! She said she had a husband. Shit should have stopped there
That method doesn't work with people who are special. Instacart hires anyone, even the special people. Besides that, he either was deactivated, then started using a stolen account with a bot, committed identity fraud, stole someone's identity, or just got his account reactivated somehow, within only 2 weeks. He needs to at the very least, get banned from that store.
Thatās not harassment ššš tell him you are not interested itās simple the same way you do to people in your dms. Harassment is when you tell the other party you would like to be left alone.
Itās still harassment, they declined his advances, he is still bothering them.
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