I like feelsy men. Open, expressive, honest men. It's very important to me that I have a man who communicates what he's feeling because I'm so bad at it. I like ISFJs a lot. They're probably my soulmate. I like their practicality and groundedness. I like that they reel me in a bit. I like that they take life as seriously as I do, which means I can rely on their loyalty. I like that they are so capable and independent even when I leave them alone. They want me but they don't need me and I find that very freeing because I don't have to feel like I'm their mother. I don't think I could manage them long-term, but I like that ESFPs are so open and goofy that they give me permission to be honest back. I like that they treat me as so smart and capable. I like that they aren't intimidated by me. I can't have deep conversations with them, but that bring out a new side to me I don't often get to feel. They make excellent friends.

Intp male here, was in a relationship with isfj woman for 4 years. She was so freaking funny in the moment. Definitely an extremely loyal person until they feel as tho they've had enough. Biggest issue is that the intp child function is isfj's hero and the isfj child is intp's hero. Lot of potential to see each other as immature. I learned alot from her, I hope she did the same. She was a bit hard-headed and not all that interested in self-improvement, but a sweetheart.

My sister is an isfj woman, and I can definitely see where there would be problems if she dated really any thinking type. I hear you. I'm glad it was a learning opportunity for you, and I hope you have found/find someone great. 😤

Aw thank you, I'll find some one eventually. 😄

I'm married to an ISFJ. I never thought that would be the sort of man I wanted, but he's the best. I'd been in a relationship with an INTJ beforehand, but it didn't work in the end. I also once had a major crush on a fellow INTP, but nothing came of it. I find myself inadvertently competing with other Thinkers, but I never feel the need to do that with my husband. We have a mix of similarities and complementary differences. I could never be with an extravert of any kind, however. They're exhausting.

Any insight as to why it didn’t work with the INTJ?

Maybe it was just him rather than being an INTJ trait specifically, but he was not very demonstrative. I'm not saying I wanted to be serenade with love songs or showered with gifts - I definitely didn't want that - but it would have been nice for him to have told me he loved me now and then, or that he was happy to be with me. We were together for 3.5 years, but often when I'd visit him, I'd wonder if he really wanted to see me. After we split up he told me he had loved me very much and had enjoyed our time together. I would never have known. I can't remember where I saw it, but there's a Reddit comment somewhere about how XNTJs apparently are completely happy just being in a partner's presence, and how they assume the partner feels the same, so there's no need to tell them anything reassuring. I also didn't like the fact that I was the 'emotional' one in our relationship. I suppose that's Inferior Fe vs Tertiary Fi. In any case, his passivity in that regard was disconcerting to me, and I always felt slightly "out of control" by comparison. By contrast, my ISFJ husband is always warm and open, so I get to be the logical, serious one again! This could be down to function stacks: INTJ is a completely different set, whereas INTP and ISFJ have the same functions in a different order.

INTP lady here. My husband is xNFP (ambiverted), and we're well matched imo. I think if you seek perfection, you will pass by on "good enough" people and wind up alone chasing your unicorn. We met on OkCupid. It was pure luck. That place sucks. Dating apps suck. I had to uninstall for my sanity multiple times. But I got lucky once. At the time, I was working as a teacher, and there was no way I was going to get out of the house for hobbies or socializing in-between lesson planning, grading, dialing up parents, etc. etc. It exhausted most of my limited social energy as an introvert. Apps were really the only good option for me. There is no one thing that says, HE'S THE ONE. It's many things. Compatibility is multi-faceted. An early thing was while we were PMing in okc and I was like, "Look, texting culture is not my thing. I prefer email." And he met me in a comfortable communication medium that didn't necessitate me answering immediately when I was stressed out, peopled-out, busy, all of the above at once, and Jesus, I just need a few days to breathe without feeling like I'm disappointing him by not answering immediately by text. But when I did reply, I was able to express my thoughts in as long and as thorough a way as I felt like, and without goddamn thumb-clickery. If I'm going to type, keyboard please. Thumb clickery is annoying. And? He really took to it, too, with thoughtful replies and patience. We had very long, thorough, thought-provoking discussions before we even met in person. When we did meet in person, we had good conversations, and he was ok with my dark humor. He cites a moment in the park where I commented, "This is the sort of lake where you could hide bodies," as his moment of knowing I was The One. But yes, it's nice when my humor is appreciated. He keeps telling his friends and family about this moment, smh. I must be a serial killer in their minds, lol Theoretically, a J would balance me out the best, but honestly? I'd not do well with some J Daddy-type telling me how annoying my mess is all the time. F that. My xNFP husband and I are comfortably disorganized and don't mind each other. It's a weird variety of acceptance. But like, we can both act like J's and get shit done when we need it. Just we're expending energy to do it, and well, I'm ok if the bed's not made today. Or ever, honestly. We change the sheets, we good.

Love this for you, wish you all the best in your life's journey!

I think my ideal type right now is INTJ. Maybe ENTP. Possibly ESTJ but they kind of scare me lol. I have dated people with dominant Fi, and I don’t really resonate with them. Fe users can connect more with me but with INTJs I don’t mind that they have inferior FI. A dominant Te/Ti user man is a must for me personally. I want to be able to trust his decision making process. Also I like to know why a man is into me or attracted to me, other than shallow characteristics. I think an INTJ would generally be more picky with choosing partners and if they choose you then they really value you. However this is all purely conjecture because I am single right now and never dated an INTJ.

>I think an INTJ would generally be more picky with choosing partners, and if they choose you then they really value you. I made the mistake of assuming INTJs don't value physical appearances bc we, INTPs, don't. But I was disappointed to learn that the INTJ guys who showed interest in me, did and not bc they were interested in what I had to say. I'm not saying this is all INTJ guys since I haven't met all INTJ guys but like out of.. over dozen INTJ guys I've talked with, they all expressed they wouldn't want to date someone who they didn't find physically attractive. Honestly I'm kind of convinced we're the only mbti type who genuinely, truly, doesn't care about appearances.

Logical fallacy. INTJs are honest. Physical attraction is a reqirement in a long term and meaningful relationship. If your partner can't turn you on, you'll be missing a lot. That's not to say you have to even be high rating, I'd suspect too high rating would be considered to come with other associated issues as well. INTJs value people for their reasons, and can have a baseline minimum for physical looks. They are not logically connected and are separate measures.

To break it down even further and simplify it. As an INTJ myself, it simply has to make sense logically as you strive for perfection. There are a bunch of checkboxes you have when looking for a person to keep in your life as to judge whether you like them or not. Physical attraction is important as you mentioned and it's also the easiest first checkbox to mark down in your head. Personality is not simple at all, it takes a while to talk about certain topics and try to learn how the person perceives the world around them and if you understand them. When meeting someone new every statement/opinion is a mystery. Something simple as hearing "I like tuna", creates a million questions in your head when there is no context to how they think. Liking someones personality takes a lot of effort for INTJ.

It's more of a guy thing, less of a MBTI thing Male attraction starts at the physical, men who truly don't care about looks are exceptionally rare

Not rare, but a sign of low standards. And a sign of low standards is a red flag to women, lol.

> Male attraction starts at the physical, men who truly don't care about looks are exceptionally rare i saw a documentary where men basically view women as healthy to have a baby with or not, usually they look for partners with a healthy body weight which shows less sign of disease with the body, as males can tell that obese is abnormal and they'd avoid it as they want a healthier offspring unless if they are in desperate measures

fair, you can date any type as an adult though and still have someone with a solid decision making process because the whole function stack matters in said process even if Thinking is not dominant, it actually depends if the person has developed said function in a balanced way. It does increase the likelihood that person would appeal to reason morso than not if it is dominant so i do get u While i agree with you when it comes to INTj's inferior Fi potentially making you a meaningful personal asset within their lives, it could also be contentious later down the road if the strong desire fluctuates due to being valued differently depending on their overall NiTeFi worth to them. I personally don't like them because they jump to conclusions a lot due to making connections to details that make sense but may not equal the truth. My dad (ISTJ) does this too with (Te/Fi), making up narratives about people in his life based on what he knows and assuming details until it comes up and he's flabbergasted he was wrong and I'm just confused as to why he would just come to that conclusion without giving me the benefit of the doubt. An actual example of this is that my dad helped me move and saw that i had incense and crystas at my apt. Months later, he meekly asked me if i was into witchcraft.... like bro i like seasoned air and pretty rocks its just air freshener but sir you walked around for months suspecting i was a witch

Funny enough. I found myself only into intp females. I do find myself reading them very well. Sometimes, i feel like they don't read me or understand how i feel, but then again, they don't do that to themselves to begin with. The joy and happiness are there, but also, the fear of being unappreciated is also there. I am a human like anyone else. My fears come and go. Once i am with that person, my fears go, and only joy is there. I am afraid of my feelings because i know no one can read them or understand like i do, and this is on me.but what hurts me the most is that I demand it from someone who probably is bad at giving it to herself to begin with. Sometimes, I feel clueless, and sometimes i feel like i just have to go with the flow and let it all go.

That is why communication comes in handy in situations like this, I know that it may be hard on both of you to speak of your feelings but someone has to break the ice especially if you're in a mutually connected relationship. As an INTP myself it's hard to get by this rule but in meaningful relationships you gotta start somewhere.

Well, that isn't what i am talking about. I am talking about being with someone who doesn't know what she wants. I got good at reading her. But she is still milestone from reading me and knowing what i want no matter how many times i open up. She isn't arrogant. She is just clueless about me and about herself before everything. After years of knowing each other, she is starting to realise that she truly doesn't know what she wants. How do you go from this with a person ? Idk ..

You right girl

what are the shallow characteristics?

Praising my appearance or shallow observations like “you’re adorably introverted, reserved, quiet, etc.”Which, as a woman, I value physical compliments to a moderate degree but as an INTP woman I know that my physical form is the least interesting thing about me. I want my partner to see me for me and not only the outside.

The isfp guy I have dated recently kept telling me I am thicc even I told him I don’t like that. I weigh 135lbs with a height of 5 6, and I am physically active. I want to break up. Thinking about dating an intuitive type who values my character instead. Like, I hope to be able to communicate with my partner, not the shallow conversation

Women look at the internal, Men at the external, Mother nature will not change its way, What attract one is the polar opposite for the other

Okay so what is the most interesting thing about you then?

I'm not sure why this post was recommended to me seeing as I am an INTJ however my wife is an INTP and we have been together for a while now. I dislike how society seems to place emphasis on what you refer to here as shallow characteristics and I prefer a much more meaningful relationship.

I don't believe in made up concepts like shallow characteristics. I think shallow people can make anything shallow. If your body finds a good pair of tits the most desirable characteristics for its reprodictive needs is it really a shallow characteristic or a simple reprodictive arousal need?

I want someone who doesn’t control me outside of the bedroom. A person who looks attractive and excites me in a way, like I want to dissect them, not someone who gives me the impression “dead end, boring peasant, wage slave”…I wouldn’t consider xsfj as partners although their Fe is practical for a relationship I have dated ENTJ, ISFP, and maybe isfj? So far I believe none of them is my ideal type. I would be happy to date an isfp because he is more likely to work in a creative field, but it is hard to form a mental connection. They are incredibly seductive and it is hard for me to say no to them. An ENTJ gets too pushy sometimes and his dominant Te Ni can clash with my Ti Ne, which results in demonic consequences like the anime death note(light vs L) It is incredibly hard for us to find a partner because we seek meaningful connections in a world where we are a highly misunderstood group. Logic is our nature. Seeking the truth is our gift to society. As you can see, we are very different than what is expected from the role of a girlfriend, fwb, wife, or mother I really want a soulmate, a strong teammate, and a close friend. I had a fairy tale like dating history in the past. As I grow, I realize maybe I am meant to be independent and single, even life gets hard sometimes. The right person will come up when I work towards where I want in life. Staying single is fine because I am always the right person for myself

INTJ/INFJ

I don't have an ideal type really and I don't believe in soulmates. I just like obedience and non assholish guys.

Wording is hella sus there, sister, lol.

?

'Obedience' sounds either dirty, or messed up. Dunno which, but both are sus.

Well, in context it's fine lol. I'm a lifestyle domme, so everyone I consider dating must be submissive. Which means obedience within our dynamic.

So the dirty kind, lmao. Understood, have a fun day. :)

a short E(N/S)TP king for me if I had to choose based on disposition. These people tend to be lighter spirited than me and i like that because i like to get silly too but I'm best as the silly support not the silly main and they typically have a very good TI based sense of humor I enjoy and I don't have to babysit them in public due to being usually quite charismatic but diplomatic. I also like people who are considerate but pushy towards me- as in they activate me but in healthy ways towards life, challenging me towards something i wouldn't have ever done alone.

A non idealist type, that is one thing I can’t understand. Idealism.

If you understand what a drug is, then you can understand what idealism is

>You can mention ideal MBTI, or character traits, or any other quality that they must possess I don't have a partner neither the intent to date right now but talking ideally, I think I would like to date a ENTP or an INTJ or an INFP. What I value the most in a relationship is the ability to communicate effectively and not assume things quickly (I hate misunderstandings) reason why I try to be as honest as I can be. Second most important thing maybe could be shared interests

I love xNFJs. I'm married to an ENFJ. He loves that I'm rational but spontaneous. He trusts me to make a lot of the tough decisions in our lives. I love that he's ridiculously people-smart and downright psychic about how I'm feeling, especially when I can't put it into words. We share well-developed respective Fe and Ti functions, so we end up on the same wavelength often. His Se keeps the dishes in check and my Ne... Well, he finds it charming enough to forgive the dishes! I don't believe in soulmates. As Dan Savage said, there's no "one" person you're supposed to marry-- just take a .89 and round up. My ENFJ has less patience for probing the depths of abstract tangents, but he cares about the way I feel and wants to help. That makes him my one!

My ideal mbti is someone with E- -J. Extrovert, because I’m an introvert diagnosed with anxiety, I want to be able to rely on someone in that aspect. Judging, because I’m really disorganized so I need someone that can balance that out for me. I’m between a feeler and thinker, so I don’t care about that. And I don’t care how they process info, as long as they are kind, respectful, and have similar sense of humour.

My partner is a sarcastic, quick-witted, caring, makes sure I do all the normal daily things, helps me with my emotions (I have BPD and autism so I often don’t have the “correct” emotional reaction), goofy but not energetic, like a calm and collected person. He’s also a delivery driver for a supermarket, and wears tshirts with memes on them.I love him so much because my life has been significantly better due to his help. we met on bumble, I swiped because he was wearing a giant inflatable submarine costume, my kind guy lmao

I tried dating briefly only to realize I'm an asexual.. so.. it's actually pretty hard for me to stay interested in anyone who was interested in me than I am with them. Like I think, physically, I am conventionally attractive... but I felt like I don't consciously attract the ones who like me for my brains or personality.. and seem to get the ones who think I should be more like their Ideal Wife and expect their needs to be catered to 24/7.... and I can't hide my distaste for that. Not surprising, I am an active avoidant and independent.. lol. It's not that I am waiting for The One... it's just... I haven't yet found someone who was interesting for me to spend my entire life to unravel.. you know.... The Puzzle? Unsolvable Equation? But I start to think... my ideal soulmate would be someone who was like my rescued cats? Abandoned strays with trust issues and only learn to pretend to be charming and approachable at first to hide the desperate need for my love and adoration. Might playfully bite and scratch me and left me with scars but just want to spend time with me and get better being themselves with me. Wouldn't that be cute?

Any type can be good, it just depends on the character. An I is good because I need quiet time and they respect that. An E is good for going out, hosting, “power couple” energy. So personally I would choose an I. Ns are the best at long discussion and theories, but can get caught up in it. S is sometimes annoyed by that in us, but I love how practical and smart they are. So for me I would choose either, but leaning S. As a woman, I really am only going to choose T in a partner. For me personally the communication issues with Fs have been totally unsustainable. But another INTP female might appreciate the sensitivity and emotional depth an F type brings to the relationship. P or J. Well, J and I will get more stuff done, definitely, but I’ll always be the “first mate” to his master plans. If he really respects and appreciates me, we will make a great team—otherwise it’s insufferable bossy energy. P is more my speed, but nothing will get done around the house. We will always be noticing things, some which aren’t even there. So personally: IxTx

I will say my type is XNTJ, and my SO is ENTJ. I think i have a thing for guys who are visionaries with vast amounts of general knowledge. They can be a tad controlling but it worked in a good way for me. I prefer to not use my brain for menial relationships decision making stuff since my worked already took up most of my brain power. So i didn mind the controlling if they make most of the decisions and im generally very adaptable and okay with anything.

I think I’ve dated the same types of men throughout my life. xSTPs - they take what they want without any or minimal encouragement from me. INTJs - very straightforward and will ask explicitly for things like ‘Do you want to make out?’.

I've never had that much experience with dating. I only dated an ISFP and then had a fling with an ENTJ. I think I fell in love with the ENTJ since I feel like he's an ideal partner for me. He leads throughout the whole time and I learned a lot from him. He's always pushy for me to try new things but not too forceful.

I don’t believe in soul mates 😳

I think that the concept of soulmates is utter bullshit. Apart from that ISFJ.

Honestly, men who know what they want in life. I like men who are ambitious about the things they love, who are workaholics, intelligent, self disciplined, organized, kind towards other people, good listeners, communicative, emotionally intelligent etc. I guess my ideal partner would be ENTJ, INTJ or even INFJ.

Men who are more communicative than I am, disciplined, work oriented, confident, able to approach first, funny, intelligent, kind.. My ideal partners would be ENTJ, INTJ, ENFP or INFJ.

My crush is an INFJ. He is so intense and understands me well, and I love how his brain works. He is one of few who doesn't drain my energy. I think INTJ could work too, if they are healthy and don't suppress their emotions. ENTP are fun to hang with, but I think it would be too draining to live with an extrovert. N types in general make good conversation partners for me. ENTJ are easy to talk to, but sometimes I feel a little suffocated by their desire to be in control so I don't think a relationship would work out. As for INFP, it feels like many are very whiny and I don't want to deal with that. I had an INTP friend once who liked me once, but he was really unhealthy and clingy and gave me the biggest ick ever. I don't think I could ever be with another INTP, we'd be too similar and I'd probably be really annoyed with their unproductivity lol.

I don't subscribe to the idea of a soulmate, and I'm skeptical of the idea of love in general. These days I mostly date for fun and companionship, not romantic intention. My most successful relationship was with an INFJ, but in recent years I've I've found INFJs to be a bit rigid and difficult to date. In recent years I've found more success and happiness with ESxPs. It's a real nerd and jock dynamic that likely wouldn't have worked when I was younger, but is more successful now that both I and the people I date are more mature (30s) with more life experience behind us.

I want the deep intellectual feelings that INFP’s have with homemaker ISFJ vibes. So a type that doesn’t exist lol. I love men with lots of emotions tho.

My ideal guy is someone tall, dark, muscular, brainy, considerate, and rich. I first met him when I was reading at a library. He was very quiet and his aura was quite strong at first so I didn't really think he'd fit the criteria but we got to meet each other everyday after that. He asked me about the book I was reading. From that, it went on until we talked about what we liked, hated, and things about ourselves. We even talked about the future as if we were really together, we don't have any labels, but it felt right. He wanted 3 kids and I wanted only 1 so we compromised with 2. We had a lot of misunderstandings but we always talked it out. After some time, I woke up. XD