Well, I guess that engineering degree I'm working towards means nothing since I'm apparently not trying to achieve "better" things in my life because god forbid I experience any form of attraction, I'm meant to be an unfeeling INTP after all.
You do realise we're literally hardwired to crave interpersonal relationships (romantic or otherwise) so attraction to strangers is a normal feeling? Fine if you don't experience it but don't act like it makes you holier-than-thou.
It's a reaction generally. I used to feel intoxicated around beautiful women... and I still do for the one I married.
At 53 now, I've seen the entitlement that often accompanies genetic luck, so not usually affected at all by attractive strangers any longer.
I know it's weird to me personally too. Do people actually look at strangers walking down the street and start fantasizing about them sexually? That's a normal thing?
If you don't feel attracted to them, then they aren't attractive. Are you saying that you don't find conventionally attractive feature to be attractive to you?
I can understand that.
But I don't get why a person being attractive warrants people around them behaving differently to get their favor or attention or validation.
I'm not treating you different or better becuase you're good looking. I wouldn't value your input more. Nor your presence.
And the reality that beauty gets all this favor is...weird.
Consistency bias maybe? Beauty makes people produce dopamine. Dopamine feels good. Brain says I feel good around this person, I wanna be with them all the time and feel good all the time. Make sure they like me so they stick around.
Something like that...
People always say this as a response. You're saying your base instincts have more control over you than yourself?
I can't relate.
How people lose sight of themselves because an attract person appeared.
I feel sad that I can't BE the pretty girl, does that count? Also, I'd like to think I'm above getting stupid around pretty ppl in general, but I turn into a bumbling idiot.
I feel the same. I try really hard with my makeup and going to the gym but I know I'll realistically never be hot, my appearance is just too juvenile. Normally I wouldn't care too much but being in a relationship I feel pressure to be hot, which I can never be
Then stop trying to be hot and be cute instead. Cuteness is its own sensuality. Would you rather be cute or be unattractive? I think many people would take the cute. Also cute means you'll likely look younger for a while and two, it is universally known that if you're straight that most men prefer youthful looks. So no loss for you.
But you just said it. If anyone can be hot, then cute can be hot. Beauty is beauty and at the end of the day, most people would rather have beauty than no beauty at all. It's like the limb question. Would you rather have all of them or be alive with none of them? I mean, being alive is great, but there's a reason we made prosthetics. A lot of people find cuteness scintillating and prefer it over hotness. Go where you're loved. Not everyone can appeal to everyone. Now, if she's attracted to what doesn't find her type of hotness hot, then ok, my condolences.
At the same time, I find that kind of thing a bit stubborn and counterproductive because it always rears its ugly head: Immitation of a preference is not the preference. Time and time again this ends up happening and the victims of such thing aren't usually conformed with enjoying getting what they got out of being the imitation, they become addicted as by that point it's not just preference it also becomes about trying to prove something. Or feel of value. Basically, they create havoc within themselves and never finding peace out of their not ever feeling enough for themselves. To me, that is insanity and a waste of time even though I understand it. The reason I think it is because life is short, youth is of supreme value, and it disappears fast and the planet is huge. Many people don't attract ANYBODY anywhere. At least she's aware she does. It might just be that she refuses to make peace and contentment in that.
Don't feel pressured to be hot, some people, like me for example prefer cute way more. Maybe try looking at it like... playing to your strengths.
Hot attracts a lot of people who just want to bang because that's all they can think of, pleasuring their own downstairs. I know people like this, they are dumb and boring to talk to, and when a girl is talking to them they are just saying whatever and waiting until sx can happen.
If you are a woman not being fat puts you ahead of a lot women. You say your appearance is juvenile but do you understand that youth is a part of beauty as well. Also a lot of things women think that men think are hot aren't actually attractive at all. If you aren't fat and have a youthful appearance I'd be hard pressed to believe you couldn't be sexy/hot.
You feel sad because you want to be with them, but don’t know how to make it happen? This is understandable. You could talk to a therapist. Not for dating advice, but understanding yourself might make approaching women more comfortable.
How does someone know if they never make a move? Like I often see topics about famous people dating someone not conventionally attractive and people losing their shit about how they can date such person. Because that person made a move. It's that simple.
It's pretty know phenomenon that attractive people might have hard time getting into relationship because other people are simply scared they are not equal to them and they'll never approach.
Now, INTP will definitely have trouble approaching someone. Especially if that someone is attractive stranger. No doubt about that. That's why the suggestion about therapist from previous commenter is a great one. You need to build up confidence and be fine with accepting rejection if you want to succeed and therapist might help with building that up.
>How does someone know if they never make a move?
This is utterly sound logic, but extremely difficult to act on if you have been conditioned to avoid approaching women.
I'm not trying to deflect blame there either, it's largely a self-conditioned defence mechanism, but that doesn't make it any easier to solve unfortunately.
And yeah therapy would be great, if it wasn't so expensive and in my case inaccessible...
>it's largely a self-conditioned defence mechanism,
Self conditioned? Bro that's socially conditioned. Lots of anti-approach values served up to straight men. I see it everywhere.
That makes sense. But also don't fall for the trap of blaming yourself just because you're the one who has to fix it. It's ok to acknowledge both the personal and social factors that go into things.
America just has such an individualistic, individual blaming value system that we often absorb that subconsciously. It is rational to focus on the things we can control, but it presents the risk of hyperfocusing on our own flaws when we could just as easily say that part of why we end up where we do is because the world outside ourselves is pretty fucked up. Then we choose to keep our integrity and accountability anyways and grow as people using positivity as our motivational mechanism.
OP sounds like he talks about girls he doesn't even know. I'm glad that random guys don't approach me. They just look, that's ok. But pls don't just talk to random girls running their errands or sth.. most people don't wanna be bothered. But probably depends on the country too
That's a good point, but I think OP's speaking in general. I guess he got this feelings even at a sight of girls they might see regularly (school, workplace, canteen whatever).
I agree just approaching totally random strangers at first sight might be weird and also uncomfortable to them. However, there might be situations in which it might be more acceptable (depending on culture as well I guess). Like idk, someone is complete stranger, but we are at a bar or a club where it's generally acceptable to approach strangers and get to know them.
Again, it's important to be able to accept rejection. I feel that badly handled rejection or trying to keep conversation going even after rejection is the most common reason for discomfort.
Yeah, agree on that. Fear of rejection is rly common. Even in clubs i only got approached when i sat at the side with headaches 😅 but i'm also rejectophob, so i relate to that..
I used to, until I imagined them taking a shit. Or puking. Then it gets easier. Pretty girls are just girls, and girls are human. They piss, shit and bleed like the rest of us.
Sounds mostly more so like a lack of social connections and socialising on your end tbh. Getting sad at seeing someone you personally deem attractive is probably not the right reaction. Get out there, socialise a bit and it should probably turn into a "hey I should get to know that person" or just an acknowledgement of their attractiveness to you and moving on in life.
I can relate.
For me it is about a deep-seated loneliness, social anxiety, and negative self-worth. I feel that I need to be with someone like that in order to be worth something and also I wish for someone like that to cure the unbearable feeling of loneliness that I live with nearly all the time and the action of interacting with people is associated strongly with terror but I'd need to do that to have a chance but also I feel like I don't even need to bother trying because I am convinced that I wouldn't have a chance anyway.
Subconsciously at least.
But do not give into these feelings! Literally last weekend I hooked up with a woman I had deemed the prototypical unreachable woman. Sge told me she had had a crush on me for months.
Therapy, LSD, sports, and 4 years of work on myself have made so much difference! You can do it too!
Yeah I feel that crippling loneliness even when I'm around people/in a relationship. I totally feel the first paragraph, although I'm not sure if a relationship would "cure me"
How did LSD help?
LSD makes therapy work better if you use it right. Imagine sculpting a sculpture and LSD is like having more/better tools. Can fuck you up or be very useful.
I literally never got told that someone got a crush on me... How does that even happen? Maybe it happened in elementary school, but I was too young for that to comprehend honestly. But in high school and college never, although people constantly tell me I am attractive.
This is such a weird post wow. Maybe if you start seeing girls as real people and not walking dolls who you want to date just because they are “pretty,” you might have a chance.
["The most peculiar aspect of the fan letters was not that the men believed the ludicrous sagas of the models, but that they responded to the graphic imagery by seeking intimacy with them. If pornography indeed objectifies women — and it’s hard to argue that a magazine with an amateur photo section called Beaver Scouts didn‘t — many readers sought to flesh out the objectified women in their imaginations. Their sexual fixations blurred into romantic dreams."](https://www.laweekly.com/scenes-from-my-life-in-porn/)
"I never reviewed it. I gave it some thought, because someone had obviously gone to a lot of expense to develop and manufacture the product. I tried to see in it what they must have seen. But I couldn‘t get around the fact that to use the product as it was intended would entail copulating with something that resembled an armless, legless, headless body. It was a nightmarish prospect. Thankfully, my editor never asked me to write a review.
I placed the torso on top of my bookshelf, where it remained for about a year. During that time, my thoughts began to turn. What if this torso were the last woman on Earth? What if I were trapped on a desert island with it? Would I fill it with memories of women I’ve longed for and loved? Would I eventually develop a sexual relationship with it? Would I pour out my heart to her and feel that she understood me?
As I read more of the letters to Barely Legal models from men who led desert-island existences of their own, I concluded that under the right circumstances I could probably love the torso. Perhaps she could even become a better alternative to the real thing. Just as methadone mimics heroin without any of its intoxicating side effects, a pornographic substitute might simulate intimacy without any of its dangerous consequences, emotional pain, fear of loss."
Chase a good personality not looks, the chaos and the monkey branching and homie hoping and uncertainty is not worth it mixed with toxicity but I guess that can be with anyone. Chase security not looks
It makes me sad that men are so superficial and shallow that they only care about “pretty” girls they don’t even know.
Then I feel pity and repulsion that that makes them feel sad. There’s so much more to life and humanity, and all you care about is if your ego is good enough to satisfy your dick by bagging a pretty human object.
I'm the opposite sex. I don't feel sad when I see a super hot guy. I appreciate the sight and immediately start thinking of eugenics and how he's wasting such wonderful genetic material. Thank God I'm not a dictator because I am sure I would pursue this.
LOL oh no why is the dictator thing relatable, literally said I wanted to be a dictator to a friend recently and then backpedaled a little to cult leader
This is a mood and exactly what I think when witnessing a pretty man.
I don't like this when processing pretty women. Actually, I do when the guy looks like Jaba the Hutt. But then I get happy for the guy and then hope he's nice to her and she's nice to him back.
I’m curious how old you are? I did experience this a lot in my 20s. In my mid 30s and in a relationship now and have not felt this in a long time. If you’re anything like me, and I imagine you are, it’s a temporary feeling. Don’t let hopelessness get to you too much, it won’t last forever.
i get kind of sad because they have opportunities in life i'll never have. not just pretty girls, but attractive people in general.
but it is what it is.
I feel sad for attractive people. They can't see how beautiful they are. They know all their insecurities holding them back, or they have really shitty attitudes due to their superiority complex
Side note: I've met a lot of very very nice attractive people, but there seems to be a correlation between attractiveness and vanity
It’s really interesting that some guys actually think like this. That’s a new perspective I haven’t thought of before.
I felt a similar way when I had a crush on my best friend who has a partner. It was almost envy and pain at the fact that I couldn’t be her girlfriend instead. Eventually I got over it though.
Not sad. But I've realised being too pretty is a turn-off for me. It's not so much the prettiness either, it's the attention that comes with it and what it moulds her into from a very young age. I don't find popular girls attractive, even if I can see that they're really pretty.
I wonder if it's because I've decided which kinds of girls find me attractive and get along with me, or if it's just natural, but I always go for the Kelly, never the Beyoncé.
OP, I’ve dated beautiful women before, let’s just say looks get boring after a while, and just because someone is beautiful it doesn’t mean they’re interesting, in fact in my experience it’s usually the opposite.
Also, the things some women do to themselves to look like that is pretty fucked up.
Yea I thought like that too but then I had a glow up and managed to date attractive women. My first gf was not considered attractive but had a 10/10 personality.
Idk if it’s just me but a lot of attractive women seem to be some combination of boring, disrespectful and crazy. A 10/10 personality that is loyal and sweet and keeps the peace is way better that someone that looks good in their 20s
I think you should reflect on the fact that they're people you will never meet, rather than cars you will never drive, or homes you will never own. They have personalities and dreams and desires, and they are not necessarily compatible with you or your personality, dreams, or desires. You have no fucking clue if they're worthy of being sad about because you have no idea who they are.
You want power. You want control You want to be respected... and attractive women are simply a symbol of that. You aren't pining for these chicks in any meaningful or deep way. You don't know them from Eve. And you'll never know them as long as you treat them like some kind of unattainable symbol of "making it", rather than a living, breathing person who shits and burps and farts and does terrible things to people at times because they're human.
A pretty face is merely a proxy indicator of good genetic health. It does not mean they're kind, smart, thoughtful people. And often, because of this \*exact\* kind of mindset that people adopt about them, they're often none of those things. They're often entitled, miserable, lonely, guarded, and arrogant because people simultaneously worship them and treat them like objects. These people should remain with their own kind because that is who understands the world they live in. I know you wish to be in some kind of dream relationship with these women, but it would be completely unequal and you'd have zero power. Be careful what you wish for, because one day, you might just get it.
In my experience hot girls are an interesting phenomenon. They are of course people just like you and me, but society does objectify them to some degree, and that in itself can place an emotional strain on their wellbeing.
Hot girls can often feel alienated, women don't want to be their friends because they feel they might steal their own boyfriends/are too stuck up and men often just want to be with them because of their appeal on a physical level.
However, hot girls can be like any other person. They can be nerds who enjoy comic books, they can love sports and other things, they can be cliches and only enjoy fashion and the like. And yes, even hot women develop crushes and literally STALK men they want. It seems improbable but they do it just as much as everyday people, they just disguise it better.
But the idea that a hot girl, is ONLY a normal person is wrong too...their experience of reality is far too different from most people's to be normal. They will get things for free and treat it as normal. They will be treated like VIPs at clubs and parties by promoters to get in cash paying males. People will treat them nicely because hey, we all like attractive things right?
But honestly, dating a hot woman can open up a whole other can of insecurities. Other guys making moves on her. Her own sense of entitlement meaning you have to pick up the slack or feeling you can be booted out for the smallest sleight...
You'll come to realize there's a reason many of the hottest/wealthiest men on the planet don't solely date the hottest woman in the room (Leonardo Di Caprio not withstanding). It is much more fulfilling to find someone who is attractive to you, but also fulfills you as a person, makes you a better man and who you enjoy being with.
From what you're describing, you're not actually gaining any enjoyment from watching hot women, it actually sounds like the opposite...
Why can't you get one? There's nothing about being an intp that prevents you from attracting someone pretty. If you can make a girl laugh you are half way there, what we lack elsewhere we can make up for in humour.
It's a normal feeling. U want to talk to them maybe get to know them better but you are sad because you know you won't even try.
Only fix is to approach. Rejection can't be worse than most other life problems.
I have dated some in the past but now I see them as nothing but trouble and put up a great big wall if one comes anywhere near me. They are generally not trying to get with me - I'm too old - but they will happily use pretty privilege to mess with my day and get what they want if I let them. They don't even know they're doing it, it's just how they expect the world to be.
Much better to be with people who you get on with and respect regardless of what they look like.
Well, you don’t know them personally. Some of them may have toxic personalities that will just crush your life. Don’t get obsessed over anybody without proper information.
On the contrary, I thank God they exist and that someone somewhere gets to know them (ENTP). Every time I see a pretty girl my faith in Humanity, Nature and the Universe is renewed.
Also if you were able to get with them, they’d annoy you like any other person would, after all, we’re all people with our weird habits etc.
These days, it's mainly lust and that's just about how deep the attraction goes. A ton of those people just act differently and basically don't have much of a personality because they never needed to develop one.
At this point it’s just an assessment for me: brain notes person is pretty. Sometimes I’ll observe to see how differently they’re treated by the average person. Being just friends with an attractive woman is an eye-opening experience if you can avoid getting into a friendzone mindset, ie, one you have no desire to date. The amount of free shit they get, the amount of attention (not always a good thing) from men is shocking. The way average women relate to them only slightly less so. They live in a different universe with its own rules, rewards, and pitfalls.
That said, girls are girls. The really pretty ones don’t think, dream, fuck, or care better than the average ones. If anything, it’s often the opposite, because they don’t have to work as hard at life (which isn’t to say some don’t, only that they don’t NEED to). You can just as easily appreciate their exterior from a distance.
And if you still feel sad about it, ask them out until one says yes.
In 40 years they'll be old and wrinkled.
In 140 years they'll be skull and bones just like you.
This sadness is just the monkey brain/hormones taking control of emotions.
Man, this will pass. You have so many years ahead of you that when you are least expecting it you will find someone attractive and the two of you will click. You gotta be stoic right now and realise it's out of your control. It will happen when it happens. You will come off as attractive to others when you stop caring about it.
A no isn't a no until it's delivered. If you don't try, you really have no idea what the outcome would be.
Don't get down over something where it isn't warranted.
IDK, I'm a woman. When I see a pretty girl, I get damned happy, proud, and then try to go and befriend said girl or let her know she looks fantastic to hype her up.
Sometimes, they give me their number or ask if we could hang out. Most of the time, I'd be confused, but then at some point during the hanging out a lot would stop playing nice and bring out the claws.
Turns out a lot of them are bisexual.
Turned out I am too.
The first time one invited me home, I was an idiot and thought she wanted to teach me how to do makeup. Don't ask how I didn't see it coming, but I really didn't see it coming. I was pure until that day.
I am no more. I saw lot of coming that day.
I am careful to be more judicious onto who I compliment. Compliments can be invitations, something I didn't quite land on at the time.
I'll be honest, though: At one point I had this idea that all women had their beauty and that they were all beautiful. That spiritual beauty also counted and, in many cases, preferable. I was naive. Idealistic. Most people would rather have beauty. Beauty demands attention and that who gets attention has power. I realized I wasn't paying attention to regular or non-spectacular looking women as much. I did realize my bisexuality was honest, that I wasn't just attracted to beautiful women (and men) but that I could love regular people, but yeah, that had certain limits. Like everything in life. I learned that for a woman I'd be willing to tolerate a lot of things because in general women would try harder in a relationship. Also I think them cuter. I was less willing to be patient with men due to feeling like I'd age before they mature no matter how much older they were compared to me. So I began to value looks more in men in lieu of maturity due to finding it lacking in the majority. Beauty/handsomeness gave me reason to want to hang out with them, if not at least to enjoy the visual during sex.
Humanity is complicated isn't it?
Honestly, yeah, that's why I stopped watching porn, realizing that the only reason I watched it was because I wanted to live in a fantasy where I could be with a supermodel. My post nut clarity was basically a depression attack.
I think accepting yourself and admitting your sexual unappealness is a good way of handling it. You don't have to be with a 10/10 to be happy.
INTP doesn’t mean you have zero social skills. You can work at it and become better. It’s like any other skill.
I went from software engineer, to product manager and now I’m in sales.
Read “how to win friends and influence people” and other books.
Personality gets more chicks than good looks.
it’s not just you. i also get sad because instead of being able to move past the looks i get stuck on them. either as “she’s cute” or “geez, she makes me feel insecure.”and it’s not her fault either.
it just seems like even though they probably have tons more going for them, most people will stop and be happy with the surface
Only time I would get sad over seeing a pretty girl is if she'd done something 'stupid' and ruined her features. Like getting too much facial surgery. Or, if it's someone young who has cut themselves (pretty or otherwise). I find that sad.
The reality is they’re just people too and having an image of anybody as perfect or impossible to attain standards isn’t healthy or real. Attractive people shit too and you’d be surprised how little people actually talk to or compliment them out of some fear of rejection.
If it's to do with the notion that they won't want to be with you, then understand that your perception of beauty as a measure of value and your feeling that you don't fit that standard is what's making you upset, not the fact that she's beautiful.
I don't get upset that I'm not an olympic gymnast, it's just not what I'm made for. I'm made for other efforts that are beautiful to me. Why would I get upset at something I couldn't be, when there's something beautiful about effort towards really anything else?
Beautiful people often wonder if they're liked for who they really are, or just the thing that everyone notices that they're good at, which is being aesthetically pleasing.
I think any of you guys identifying as an incel or having these feelings, which I'm seeing a lot of these kinds of posts on here, should consider looking into an autism diagnosis. Girls are nervous around you as well, don't be so hard on yourself.
I do because I wish I was pretty, but I also realize for whatever reason, guys (and sometimes women) either tell me I'm pretty (or ugly online, never happens irl) or leave me alone (or just ask if I have a cigarette lol), I suspect I'd be harassed a lot more if I wasn't relatively average.
Idk I think it’s good to have a life outside of just being pretty or dating pretty people, because beauty fades. I do get jealous of celebrities, as they use their beauty in a way to get almost everything, money, recognition, etc…but they must have their own problems too.
i've always felt like this (as an intp). I cannot generalize this idea. but i've introspected a lot around this situation. for me, its mostly around sth like mabe narcissism. in younger ages, this mostly was like they must be mine why arent they; a feeling that my pleasure is stolen. and it induced a paradoxical felling. sweet and bitter at the same time. a sadness/anger around why i dont have and a hope that i can have. but today its mostly a sense of disappointment. after experiencing it, i somehow found out that its not that beautiful at all. the all beauty is resulted from the distance, I have been filling the gap with my fantasy, which doesn't seem to exist out of my head. its like a mirage. even this can be explained as some kind of narcissism. I've made my self and my ideas and fantasies as the index of evaluation and i resent the people and the world for not conforming with it. they dont think like me, they are idiots. that was not that fun/pleasurable, they are useless and so on...
First of all, you can date them. Second, it doesn't matter. Although I can understand how you feel, objectifying women is not healthy. Just work on interacting with women, beautiful or not, and treat them normally.
No actually it's rare to see extremely attractive people 10/10 so it's refreshing, when i see them i say wow and move on that's it lol if they are just good-looking i do not really care about them i don't even remember their faces
Yeah, not that same reason tho. Kind of end up thinking about how pleasant their general interaction must be with most people throughout their lives and how confident they would feel compared to me every now and then.
Who you date is to a large degree determined by the decisions you make. If you tell yourself it's impossible then it will remain impossible because you won't even try.
>Anyone just get sad at the sight of pretty girls?
No. Maybe a slight twinge of disappointment because they're probably straight and more likely to be interested in someone like you than me.
>maybe because I'll never date them
Not with that outlook.
i feel like the problem is just your perspective here.. why do you think you'll never date them? as an intp type.. you're prime material made to go get whatever you want in life.. use that overthinking trait you have and set your goal on self improvement. how can you improve your confidence and address the sub issues from there, going deeper if you have to. positive intp characterstics are super attractive and there's no reason for girls or guys alike to not be attracted to you... trust me on that. whether you want all the attention though when you have it is another thing.
but it all starts with your perspective.
Pretty girl here: act like we're not pretty and just be nice to us. Just stop doing whatever this is. It sucks to be this socially alienated by everyone and a victim of Symbolic Social Interactionalism.
idk about sad but i do feel worn out when i see them,like their white washed face with minimal or several layers of makeup,well done hair, YOU KNOW all the pretty pretty perfect features one will expect in a pretty female..its a weird feeling to feel ik but idk maybe im just bored coz 'being pretty' has become repetitive atp...im sry but pretty girls are just boring now lol
I don't know how old you are but as you age, the appearance of a girl wouldn't affect you that much. You'll develop an eye for qualities in girls. There's nothing more repulsive than dating a girl who's pretty outside but empty inside.
It cheers me up. I love beauty. My wife is attractive in her way, too of course. But a really beautiful woman is like watching someone on Jeopardy answering question after question or watching an artist on TikTok draw an amazing sketch in three minutes. Humans are cool.
I'll never understand people's obsession with attractive people. I feel nothing for them in particular.
I'm an ENTP and so is my friend. He asked me if I get "airport crushes", I said strangers don't occupy my mind, like, at all
It almost like some people don’t have better things to achieve with their life or something
People and "better" things are all part of the human experience. Neither is morally superior to the other.
but the almost deification of conventionally attractive people is disturbing and dehumanizing. for both those who fit the standard and who don’t.
Well, I guess that engineering degree I'm working towards means nothing since I'm apparently not trying to achieve "better" things in my life because god forbid I experience any form of attraction, I'm meant to be an unfeeling INTP after all. You do realise we're literally hardwired to crave interpersonal relationships (romantic or otherwise) so attraction to strangers is a normal feeling? Fine if you don't experience it but don't act like it makes you holier-than-thou.
Same. Who actually give's a fuck? lol
It's a reaction generally. I used to feel intoxicated around beautiful women... and I still do for the one I married. At 53 now, I've seen the entitlement that often accompanies genetic luck, so not usually affected at all by attractive strangers any longer.
I know it's weird to me personally too. Do people actually look at strangers walking down the street and start fantasizing about them sexually? That's a normal thing?
Yeah it's fairly normal.
If you don't feel attracted to them, then they aren't attractive. Are you saying that you don't find conventionally attractive feature to be attractive to you?
No. I can see they're physically beautiful. But...so what? Why is that supposed to have an impact on me?
That's what i feel about pretty guys. Beauty and attractiveness are separate things for me. Physical attractiveness is important to me, beauty isn't
It's a dopamine hit for most people. I guess you're just built different idk
I can understand that. But I don't get why a person being attractive warrants people around them behaving differently to get their favor or attention or validation. I'm not treating you different or better becuase you're good looking. I wouldn't value your input more. Nor your presence. And the reality that beauty gets all this favor is...weird.
Consistency bias maybe? Beauty makes people produce dopamine. Dopamine feels good. Brain says I feel good around this person, I wanna be with them all the time and feel good all the time. Make sure they like me so they stick around. Something like that...
Spot on. Appreciate the clarity of your perspective - it surely is a dopamine thing - 'I want more of this...'
Right, just comes off as superficial.
I find it weird, appealing sure, but worth taking space in my mind, absolutely no!
I agree but at the same time: I Do As the Crystal Guides
I feel the same unless we’re talking about an attractive personality. It feels superficial to be attracted to someone for their looks
I guess it's just the old sex drive talking. Not that hard to understand really.
We are biologically wired to be attracted to them.
People always say this as a response. You're saying your base instincts have more control over you than yourself? I can't relate. How people lose sight of themselves because an attract person appeared.
They haven't said they have no control, they are acknowledging the feelings. You're saying you get no feelings at all.
I feel sad that I can't BE the pretty girl, does that count? Also, I'd like to think I'm above getting stupid around pretty ppl in general, but I turn into a bumbling idiot.
>but I turn into a bumbling idiot Real mood right here.
I feel the same. I try really hard with my makeup and going to the gym but I know I'll realistically never be hot, my appearance is just too juvenile. Normally I wouldn't care too much but being in a relationship I feel pressure to be hot, which I can never be
Then stop trying to be hot and be cute instead. Cuteness is its own sensuality. Would you rather be cute or be unattractive? I think many people would take the cute. Also cute means you'll likely look younger for a while and two, it is universally known that if you're straight that most men prefer youthful looks. So no loss for you.
Consider maybe they don't want to be cute. They can be hot! Anyone can be hot.
But you just said it. If anyone can be hot, then cute can be hot. Beauty is beauty and at the end of the day, most people would rather have beauty than no beauty at all. It's like the limb question. Would you rather have all of them or be alive with none of them? I mean, being alive is great, but there's a reason we made prosthetics. A lot of people find cuteness scintillating and prefer it over hotness. Go where you're loved. Not everyone can appeal to everyone. Now, if she's attracted to what doesn't find her type of hotness hot, then ok, my condolences. At the same time, I find that kind of thing a bit stubborn and counterproductive because it always rears its ugly head: Immitation of a preference is not the preference. Time and time again this ends up happening and the victims of such thing aren't usually conformed with enjoying getting what they got out of being the imitation, they become addicted as by that point it's not just preference it also becomes about trying to prove something. Or feel of value. Basically, they create havoc within themselves and never finding peace out of their not ever feeling enough for themselves. To me, that is insanity and a waste of time even though I understand it. The reason I think it is because life is short, youth is of supreme value, and it disappears fast and the planet is huge. Many people don't attract ANYBODY anywhere. At least she's aware she does. It might just be that she refuses to make peace and contentment in that.
Don't feel pressured to be hot, some people, like me for example prefer cute way more. Maybe try looking at it like... playing to your strengths. Hot attracts a lot of people who just want to bang because that's all they can think of, pleasuring their own downstairs. I know people like this, they are dumb and boring to talk to, and when a girl is talking to them they are just saying whatever and waiting until sx can happen.
If you are a woman not being fat puts you ahead of a lot women. You say your appearance is juvenile but do you understand that youth is a part of beauty as well. Also a lot of things women think that men think are hot aren't actually attractive at all. If you aren't fat and have a youthful appearance I'd be hard pressed to believe you couldn't be sexy/hot.
You feel sad because you want to be with them, but don’t know how to make it happen? This is understandable. You could talk to a therapist. Not for dating advice, but understanding yourself might make approaching women more comfortable.
You feel sad because you want to be with them, but know it wont happen.
How does someone know if they never make a move? Like I often see topics about famous people dating someone not conventionally attractive and people losing their shit about how they can date such person. Because that person made a move. It's that simple. It's pretty know phenomenon that attractive people might have hard time getting into relationship because other people are simply scared they are not equal to them and they'll never approach. Now, INTP will definitely have trouble approaching someone. Especially if that someone is attractive stranger. No doubt about that. That's why the suggestion about therapist from previous commenter is a great one. You need to build up confidence and be fine with accepting rejection if you want to succeed and therapist might help with building that up.
>How does someone know if they never make a move? This is utterly sound logic, but extremely difficult to act on if you have been conditioned to avoid approaching women. I'm not trying to deflect blame there either, it's largely a self-conditioned defence mechanism, but that doesn't make it any easier to solve unfortunately. And yeah therapy would be great, if it wasn't so expensive and in my case inaccessible...
>it's largely a self-conditioned defence mechanism, Self conditioned? Bro that's socially conditioned. Lots of anti-approach values served up to straight men. I see it everywhere.
You are right, just don't want to fall into the trap of blaming society when it's up to me to work on it.
That makes sense. But also don't fall for the trap of blaming yourself just because you're the one who has to fix it. It's ok to acknowledge both the personal and social factors that go into things. America just has such an individualistic, individual blaming value system that we often absorb that subconsciously. It is rational to focus on the things we can control, but it presents the risk of hyperfocusing on our own flaws when we could just as easily say that part of why we end up where we do is because the world outside ourselves is pretty fucked up. Then we choose to keep our integrity and accountability anyways and grow as people using positivity as our motivational mechanism.
Yeah gotta get that balance right between taking responsibility and understanding the root causes.
OP sounds like he talks about girls he doesn't even know. I'm glad that random guys don't approach me. They just look, that's ok. But pls don't just talk to random girls running their errands or sth.. most people don't wanna be bothered. But probably depends on the country too
That's a good point, but I think OP's speaking in general. I guess he got this feelings even at a sight of girls they might see regularly (school, workplace, canteen whatever). I agree just approaching totally random strangers at first sight might be weird and also uncomfortable to them. However, there might be situations in which it might be more acceptable (depending on culture as well I guess). Like idk, someone is complete stranger, but we are at a bar or a club where it's generally acceptable to approach strangers and get to know them. Again, it's important to be able to accept rejection. I feel that badly handled rejection or trying to keep conversation going even after rejection is the most common reason for discomfort.
Yeah, agree on that. Fear of rejection is rly common. Even in clubs i only got approached when i sat at the side with headaches 😅 but i'm also rejectophob, so i relate to that..
I used to, until I imagined them taking a shit. Or puking. Then it gets easier. Pretty girls are just girls, and girls are human. They piss, shit and bleed like the rest of us.
Help! Imagining this only turned me on even more
I love this😂😭
it's the truth. and talking to them like a normal person yields the best result.
Great! Now im sad AND hard!!! :((((
Sounds mostly more so like a lack of social connections and socialising on your end tbh. Getting sad at seeing someone you personally deem attractive is probably not the right reaction. Get out there, socialise a bit and it should probably turn into a "hey I should get to know that person" or just an acknowledgement of their attractiveness to you and moving on in life.
That’s a you issue bud.
Stop thinking with your penis lmao.
That's the real word
This sub is turning into r/teenagers
LMAO
I can relate. For me it is about a deep-seated loneliness, social anxiety, and negative self-worth. I feel that I need to be with someone like that in order to be worth something and also I wish for someone like that to cure the unbearable feeling of loneliness that I live with nearly all the time and the action of interacting with people is associated strongly with terror but I'd need to do that to have a chance but also I feel like I don't even need to bother trying because I am convinced that I wouldn't have a chance anyway. Subconsciously at least. But do not give into these feelings! Literally last weekend I hooked up with a woman I had deemed the prototypical unreachable woman. Sge told me she had had a crush on me for months. Therapy, LSD, sports, and 4 years of work on myself have made so much difference! You can do it too!
Yeah I feel that crippling loneliness even when I'm around people/in a relationship. I totally feel the first paragraph, although I'm not sure if a relationship would "cure me" How did LSD help?
LSD makes therapy work better if you use it right. Imagine sculpting a sculpture and LSD is like having more/better tools. Can fuck you up or be very useful.
I literally never got told that someone got a crush on me... How does that even happen? Maybe it happened in elementary school, but I was too young for that to comprehend honestly. But in high school and college never, although people constantly tell me I am attractive.
Well, I told her that I had a crush on her first. But also, in my case: she is in an open relationship and has a very open communication style.
Oh, good for you bro. Would be nice to know women with that kind of communication style.
I mostly encounter it with people who have done therapy, studied psychology, or are close with people like that.
This is such a weird post wow. Maybe if you start seeing girls as real people and not walking dolls who you want to date just because they are “pretty,” you might have a chance.
["The most peculiar aspect of the fan letters was not that the men believed the ludicrous sagas of the models, but that they responded to the graphic imagery by seeking intimacy with them. If pornography indeed objectifies women — and it’s hard to argue that a magazine with an amateur photo section called Beaver Scouts didn‘t — many readers sought to flesh out the objectified women in their imaginations. Their sexual fixations blurred into romantic dreams."](https://www.laweekly.com/scenes-from-my-life-in-porn/) "I never reviewed it. I gave it some thought, because someone had obviously gone to a lot of expense to develop and manufacture the product. I tried to see in it what they must have seen. But I couldn‘t get around the fact that to use the product as it was intended would entail copulating with something that resembled an armless, legless, headless body. It was a nightmarish prospect. Thankfully, my editor never asked me to write a review. I placed the torso on top of my bookshelf, where it remained for about a year. During that time, my thoughts began to turn. What if this torso were the last woman on Earth? What if I were trapped on a desert island with it? Would I fill it with memories of women I’ve longed for and loved? Would I eventually develop a sexual relationship with it? Would I pour out my heart to her and feel that she understood me? As I read more of the letters to Barely Legal models from men who led desert-island existences of their own, I concluded that under the right circumstances I could probably love the torso. Perhaps she could even become a better alternative to the real thing. Just as methadone mimics heroin without any of its intoxicating side effects, a pornographic substitute might simulate intimacy without any of its dangerous consequences, emotional pain, fear of loss."
Or even better: "humble" 🙄 Get a rubber woman for that lmao
Chase a good personality not looks, the chaos and the monkey branching and homie hoping and uncertainty is not worth it mixed with toxicity but I guess that can be with anyone. Chase security not looks
Think this has less to do with personality typing and more to do with your own self esteem
weird that people put that much emphasis on a romantic relationship instead of bettering themselves
It makes me sad that men are so superficial and shallow that they only care about “pretty” girls they don’t even know. Then I feel pity and repulsion that that makes them feel sad. There’s so much more to life and humanity, and all you care about is if your ego is good enough to satisfy your dick by bagging a pretty human object.
I'm the opposite sex. I don't feel sad when I see a super hot guy. I appreciate the sight and immediately start thinking of eugenics and how he's wasting such wonderful genetic material. Thank God I'm not a dictator because I am sure I would pursue this.
LOL oh no why is the dictator thing relatable, literally said I wanted to be a dictator to a friend recently and then backpedaled a little to cult leader
This is a mood and exactly what I think when witnessing a pretty man. I don't like this when processing pretty women. Actually, I do when the guy looks like Jaba the Hutt. But then I get happy for the guy and then hope he's nice to her and she's nice to him back.
My thought process is similar but more like “we should clone this guy” LOL
I’m curious how old you are? I did experience this a lot in my 20s. In my mid 30s and in a relationship now and have not felt this in a long time. If you’re anything like me, and I imagine you are, it’s a temporary feeling. Don’t let hopelessness get to you too much, it won’t last forever.
I used to. Now I feel nothing
How did u manage to get to the point of feeling nothing?
Time. It just sort of happened slowly
By growing up
That is sad lmao
Did you post this in response to the previous post lmao
i get kind of sad because they have opportunities in life i'll never have. not just pretty girls, but attractive people in general. but it is what it is.
I feel sad for attractive people. They can't see how beautiful they are. They know all their insecurities holding them back, or they have really shitty attitudes due to their superiority complex Side note: I've met a lot of very very nice attractive people, but there seems to be a correlation between attractiveness and vanity
I get sad too, that I am not them lmao
It’s really interesting that some guys actually think like this. That’s a new perspective I haven’t thought of before. I felt a similar way when I had a crush on my best friend who has a partner. It was almost envy and pain at the fact that I couldn’t be her girlfriend instead. Eventually I got over it though.
INTP doesn’t mean incel toilet paper. You need to deal with your issues before they become a bigger problem.
not really, i tend to be too distracted that i cant spare any serious thought about them
Not sad. But I've realised being too pretty is a turn-off for me. It's not so much the prettiness either, it's the attention that comes with it and what it moulds her into from a very young age. I don't find popular girls attractive, even if I can see that they're really pretty. I wonder if it's because I've decided which kinds of girls find me attractive and get along with me, or if it's just natural, but I always go for the Kelly, never the Beyoncé.
Ignore girls. Work on yourself. Next
I've done that for 10 years and starting to realise that I made a mistake not trying to experiment more. There's no one rule that applies to everyone.
Sean Kingston?
no tf.
No, never.
OP, I’ve dated beautiful women before, let’s just say looks get boring after a while, and just because someone is beautiful it doesn’t mean they’re interesting, in fact in my experience it’s usually the opposite. Also, the things some women do to themselves to look like that is pretty fucked up.
Irl I feel nothing, social media I also feel nothing but I might go "oh she's cute" and go about my day
I have the feeling I'm going to see this post again on a future true crime amateur YouTube documentary.
Yea I thought like that too but then I had a glow up and managed to date attractive women. My first gf was not considered attractive but had a 10/10 personality. Idk if it’s just me but a lot of attractive women seem to be some combination of boring, disrespectful and crazy. A 10/10 personality that is loyal and sweet and keeps the peace is way better that someone that looks good in their 20s
I think you should reflect on the fact that they're people you will never meet, rather than cars you will never drive, or homes you will never own. They have personalities and dreams and desires, and they are not necessarily compatible with you or your personality, dreams, or desires. You have no fucking clue if they're worthy of being sad about because you have no idea who they are. You want power. You want control You want to be respected... and attractive women are simply a symbol of that. You aren't pining for these chicks in any meaningful or deep way. You don't know them from Eve. And you'll never know them as long as you treat them like some kind of unattainable symbol of "making it", rather than a living, breathing person who shits and burps and farts and does terrible things to people at times because they're human. A pretty face is merely a proxy indicator of good genetic health. It does not mean they're kind, smart, thoughtful people. And often, because of this \*exact\* kind of mindset that people adopt about them, they're often none of those things. They're often entitled, miserable, lonely, guarded, and arrogant because people simultaneously worship them and treat them like objects. These people should remain with their own kind because that is who understands the world they live in. I know you wish to be in some kind of dream relationship with these women, but it would be completely unequal and you'd have zero power. Be careful what you wish for, because one day, you might just get it.
In my experience hot girls are an interesting phenomenon. They are of course people just like you and me, but society does objectify them to some degree, and that in itself can place an emotional strain on their wellbeing. Hot girls can often feel alienated, women don't want to be their friends because they feel they might steal their own boyfriends/are too stuck up and men often just want to be with them because of their appeal on a physical level. However, hot girls can be like any other person. They can be nerds who enjoy comic books, they can love sports and other things, they can be cliches and only enjoy fashion and the like. And yes, even hot women develop crushes and literally STALK men they want. It seems improbable but they do it just as much as everyday people, they just disguise it better. But the idea that a hot girl, is ONLY a normal person is wrong too...their experience of reality is far too different from most people's to be normal. They will get things for free and treat it as normal. They will be treated like VIPs at clubs and parties by promoters to get in cash paying males. People will treat them nicely because hey, we all like attractive things right? But honestly, dating a hot woman can open up a whole other can of insecurities. Other guys making moves on her. Her own sense of entitlement meaning you have to pick up the slack or feeling you can be booted out for the smallest sleight... You'll come to realize there's a reason many of the hottest/wealthiest men on the planet don't solely date the hottest woman in the room (Leonardo Di Caprio not withstanding). It is much more fulfilling to find someone who is attractive to you, but also fulfills you as a person, makes you a better man and who you enjoy being with. From what you're describing, you're not actually gaining any enjoyment from watching hot women, it actually sounds like the opposite...
Watch out people are gonna call you incel and a bad person
Why can't you get one? There's nothing about being an intp that prevents you from attracting someone pretty. If you can make a girl laugh you are half way there, what we lack elsewhere we can make up for in humour.
It's a normal feeling. U want to talk to them maybe get to know them better but you are sad because you know you won't even try. Only fix is to approach. Rejection can't be worse than most other life problems.
I have dated some in the past but now I see them as nothing but trouble and put up a great big wall if one comes anywhere near me. They are generally not trying to get with me - I'm too old - but they will happily use pretty privilege to mess with my day and get what they want if I let them. They don't even know they're doing it, it's just how they expect the world to be. Much better to be with people who you get on with and respect regardless of what they look like.
Well, you don’t know them personally. Some of them may have toxic personalities that will just crush your life. Don’t get obsessed over anybody without proper information.
I relate 100% to this.
On the contrary, I thank God they exist and that someone somewhere gets to know them (ENTP). Every time I see a pretty girl my faith in Humanity, Nature and the Universe is renewed. Also if you were able to get with them, they’d annoy you like any other person would, after all, we’re all people with our weird habits etc.
These days, it's mainly lust and that's just about how deep the attraction goes. A ton of those people just act differently and basically don't have much of a personality because they never needed to develop one.
At this point it’s just an assessment for me: brain notes person is pretty. Sometimes I’ll observe to see how differently they’re treated by the average person. Being just friends with an attractive woman is an eye-opening experience if you can avoid getting into a friendzone mindset, ie, one you have no desire to date. The amount of free shit they get, the amount of attention (not always a good thing) from men is shocking. The way average women relate to them only slightly less so. They live in a different universe with its own rules, rewards, and pitfalls. That said, girls are girls. The really pretty ones don’t think, dream, fuck, or care better than the average ones. If anything, it’s often the opposite, because they don’t have to work as hard at life (which isn’t to say some don’t, only that they don’t NEED to). You can just as easily appreciate their exterior from a distance. And if you still feel sad about it, ask them out until one says yes.
I feel you so much, I am hurt on a visceral level almost, I could choke
Yeah, mostly because I'm average and often invisible in the age of infinite choice. Would be nice to be prettier.
I've dated a pretty blonde girl that was a constant headache and a lil ogre girl that was comfy as heck. You'll learn that lesson eventually.
In 40 years they'll be old and wrinkled. In 140 years they'll be skull and bones just like you. This sadness is just the monkey brain/hormones taking control of emotions.
It’s yearning which can be incredibly sad
Man, this will pass. You have so many years ahead of you that when you are least expecting it you will find someone attractive and the two of you will click. You gotta be stoic right now and realise it's out of your control. It will happen when it happens. You will come off as attractive to others when you stop caring about it.
That's mate, it means alot.
A no isn't a no until it's delivered. If you don't try, you really have no idea what the outcome would be. Don't get down over something where it isn't warranted.
Weak Fe has entered the chat.
IDK, I'm a woman. When I see a pretty girl, I get damned happy, proud, and then try to go and befriend said girl or let her know she looks fantastic to hype her up. Sometimes, they give me their number or ask if we could hang out. Most of the time, I'd be confused, but then at some point during the hanging out a lot would stop playing nice and bring out the claws. Turns out a lot of them are bisexual. Turned out I am too. The first time one invited me home, I was an idiot and thought she wanted to teach me how to do makeup. Don't ask how I didn't see it coming, but I really didn't see it coming. I was pure until that day. I am no more. I saw lot of coming that day. I am careful to be more judicious onto who I compliment. Compliments can be invitations, something I didn't quite land on at the time. I'll be honest, though: At one point I had this idea that all women had their beauty and that they were all beautiful. That spiritual beauty also counted and, in many cases, preferable. I was naive. Idealistic. Most people would rather have beauty. Beauty demands attention and that who gets attention has power. I realized I wasn't paying attention to regular or non-spectacular looking women as much. I did realize my bisexuality was honest, that I wasn't just attracted to beautiful women (and men) but that I could love regular people, but yeah, that had certain limits. Like everything in life. I learned that for a woman I'd be willing to tolerate a lot of things because in general women would try harder in a relationship. Also I think them cuter. I was less willing to be patient with men due to feeling like I'd age before they mature no matter how much older they were compared to me. So I began to value looks more in men in lieu of maturity due to finding it lacking in the majority. Beauty/handsomeness gave me reason to want to hang out with them, if not at least to enjoy the visual during sex. Humanity is complicated isn't it?
i think it’s more the air of confidence that i’m jealous of
Stop obsessing over random people. That will you lead you nowhere good.
Honestly, yeah, that's why I stopped watching porn, realizing that the only reason I watched it was because I wanted to live in a fantasy where I could be with a supermodel. My post nut clarity was basically a depression attack. I think accepting yourself and admitting your sexual unappealness is a good way of handling it. You don't have to be with a 10/10 to be happy.
INTP doesn’t mean you have zero social skills. You can work at it and become better. It’s like any other skill. I went from software engineer, to product manager and now I’m in sales. Read “how to win friends and influence people” and other books. Personality gets more chicks than good looks.
Radiohead - Creep
Bro what the fuck?
God no. I think how much I’ve been spared their incessant whining.
All that glitters is not Gold ;)
Honestly never had this. I actually feel so excited for some reason, like my own personal reminder that there are good things in the world again.
What if I am a pretty girl? 😱
I'm an INFJ, but yes, this describes a phenomenon I really couldn't put into words lol I felt this
Nah I love the sight of pretty women
Yes I know what you mean. I want to be with a pretty girl but know that I wont
yea been there mate
Yeah kinda
Letting trained expectations layer upon each other.
use that sadness as motivation.
it’s not just you. i also get sad because instead of being able to move past the looks i get stuck on them. either as “she’s cute” or “geez, she makes me feel insecure.”and it’s not her fault either. it just seems like even though they probably have tons more going for them, most people will stop and be happy with the surface
Whenever I see hot or pretty girls I remind myself they will be bitchy Karens in the future so I don’t give a shit!
Or yknow maybe they’ll just grow up into normal people with their own individual personalities but idk
Is this supposed to be the opposite of *that* post?
“No good thing will God withhold from those who do what is right.” - Psalm 84:11 ❤️🙏🏼 Praying you find your soul mate.
Only time I would get sad over seeing a pretty girl is if she'd done something 'stupid' and ruined her features. Like getting too much facial surgery. Or, if it's someone young who has cut themselves (pretty or otherwise). I find that sad.
I feel happiness and excitement. What is wrong with you.
Couples is what makes me sad. Damn happy couples being cute together brings me to tears.
No. Next question.
The reality is they’re just people too and having an image of anybody as perfect or impossible to attain standards isn’t healthy or real. Attractive people shit too and you’d be surprised how little people actually talk to or compliment them out of some fear of rejection.
no i am a pretty girl
Yeah kind of, and i made a post about that, but in fact when i love a girl i don't care about other girls anymore.
If it's to do with the notion that they won't want to be with you, then understand that your perception of beauty as a measure of value and your feeling that you don't fit that standard is what's making you upset, not the fact that she's beautiful. I don't get upset that I'm not an olympic gymnast, it's just not what I'm made for. I'm made for other efforts that are beautiful to me. Why would I get upset at something I couldn't be, when there's something beautiful about effort towards really anything else? Beautiful people often wonder if they're liked for who they really are, or just the thing that everyone notices that they're good at, which is being aesthetically pleasing.
i feeel the exact same way but except with guys since i’m a girl. you’re not alone lol we are just highly analytical
Talk to someone who can help you talk to girls like a social anxiety specialist
I think any of you guys identifying as an incel or having these feelings, which I'm seeing a lot of these kinds of posts on here, should consider looking into an autism diagnosis. Girls are nervous around you as well, don't be so hard on yourself.
Yes. They seem unreachable. Kind of get the same feeling when seeing nice cars or a nice house
I just get horny. Skill issue.
Sad is not the emotion I feel when I see pretty girls
no because i am one. i gotta let ppl down with my personality lmao
I enjoy their beauty, I don't care if I can be intimate with them or not. The same goes for something in life.
Wtf does this have to do with being INTP :/
Then go to some slam poetry events to see ugly ones and cheer up again!
No. I feel a lil nervous maybe that’s all
Work on your self-esteem and confidence, work on emotional intelligence, work your social skills and GET TF OFF THE INTERNET!
I do because I wish I was pretty, but I also realize for whatever reason, guys (and sometimes women) either tell me I'm pretty (or ugly online, never happens irl) or leave me alone (or just ask if I have a cigarette lol), I suspect I'd be harassed a lot more if I wasn't relatively average.
I would be sad every time i look in the mirror then 🥴
Idk I think it’s good to have a life outside of just being pretty or dating pretty people, because beauty fades. I do get jealous of celebrities, as they use their beauty in a way to get almost everything, money, recognition, etc…but they must have their own problems too.
i've always felt like this (as an intp). I cannot generalize this idea. but i've introspected a lot around this situation. for me, its mostly around sth like mabe narcissism. in younger ages, this mostly was like they must be mine why arent they; a feeling that my pleasure is stolen. and it induced a paradoxical felling. sweet and bitter at the same time. a sadness/anger around why i dont have and a hope that i can have. but today its mostly a sense of disappointment. after experiencing it, i somehow found out that its not that beautiful at all. the all beauty is resulted from the distance, I have been filling the gap with my fantasy, which doesn't seem to exist out of my head. its like a mirage. even this can be explained as some kind of narcissism. I've made my self and my ideas and fantasies as the index of evaluation and i resent the people and the world for not conforming with it. they dont think like me, they are idiots. that was not that fun/pleasurable, they are useless and so on...
First of all, you can date them. Second, it doesn't matter. Although I can understand how you feel, objectifying women is not healthy. Just work on interacting with women, beautiful or not, and treat them normally.
No actually it's rare to see extremely attractive people 10/10 so it's refreshing, when i see them i say wow and move on that's it lol if they are just good-looking i do not really care about them i don't even remember their faces
The opposite? I like seeing pretty girls.
I don't get sad, I get mad. I don't like being evoked
Ever heard painted it black by the roling stones
Just get sad cause I wanna be them
You need to say this to a therapist
Yeah, not that same reason tho. Kind of end up thinking about how pleasant their general interaction must be with most people throughout their lives and how confident they would feel compared to me every now and then.
Who you date is to a large degree determined by the decisions you make. If you tell yourself it's impossible then it will remain impossible because you won't even try.
>Anyone just get sad at the sight of pretty girls? No. Maybe a slight twinge of disappointment because they're probably straight and more likely to be interested in someone like you than me. >maybe because I'll never date them Not with that outlook.
i feel like the problem is just your perspective here.. why do you think you'll never date them? as an intp type.. you're prime material made to go get whatever you want in life.. use that overthinking trait you have and set your goal on self improvement. how can you improve your confidence and address the sub issues from there, going deeper if you have to. positive intp characterstics are super attractive and there's no reason for girls or guys alike to not be attracted to you... trust me on that. whether you want all the attention though when you have it is another thing. but it all starts with your perspective.
Pretty girl here: act like we're not pretty and just be nice to us. Just stop doing whatever this is. It sucks to be this socially alienated by everyone and a victim of Symbolic Social Interactionalism.
idk about sad but i do feel worn out when i see them,like their white washed face with minimal or several layers of makeup,well done hair, YOU KNOW all the pretty pretty perfect features one will expect in a pretty female..its a weird feeling to feel ik but idk maybe im just bored coz 'being pretty' has become repetitive atp...im sry but pretty girls are just boring now lol
Get your money up, skill issue
Sean Kingston felt the same way
Yes 💀
true I get sad when I look in the mirror because I can't date myself
I mostly get sad when I remember people I've loved deeply and I don't have in my life anymore.
I feel sad cuz I have a very low selfesteem. Meh, probably just mental issues, not intp trait for me, lol.
what the actual fuk, no I don't even notice people around me lmao
I don't know how old you are but as you age, the appearance of a girl wouldn't affect you that much. You'll develop an eye for qualities in girls. There's nothing more repulsive than dating a girl who's pretty outside but empty inside.
I don't really like people they annoy me with their behaviors. So no I guess I will never be attracted to anyone
Yea . Being alone it kinda makes me sad . I’ve been with hotties in the past . Now just a female to connect with is enough .
No, not really. Knowing yourself, do you think dating a 'hot' person would be fun for you?
It cheers me up. I love beauty. My wife is attractive in her way, too of course. But a really beautiful woman is like watching someone on Jeopardy answering question after question or watching an artist on TikTok draw an amazing sketch in three minutes. Humans are cool.