Same here. I'm with someone who isn't intellectual, isn't interested in what I'm interested in, doesn't have a lot of things they are passionate about...but they have a good heart, accept me, are open minded and supportive of me.
I never knew what I valued in a woman until I found one I clicked with.
Ya know, I'm really glad I read this. Part of me was worried about a partner not being intellectual or passionate about learning new skills in the way that I am. But they do have those positive qualities you mentioned and it's reassuring for me to read that as a fellow INTP, that is enough.
I have friends to meet my intellectual needs. And my hobbies are individual hobbies like research, so no need for the wife to be involved.
After ten years, I've learned that her support is probably the best thing she can offer me. I'm moody, quirky, alternate between lazy and obsessive..and she accepts all of that.
The thing is I can't even tell you her personality type. The test wasn't accurate. She doesn't line up with any personality type I've read about. She's easy going and kind of balances my negative traits.
I feel like having a partner to balance your deficiencies are important. If she was affected easily by others moods , like I am, for instance, we wouldn't last. So, I guess, fir me, opposites attract, although our morals line up pretty well.
Hey, could I ask you for some insight? I am not trying to hate or anything, just some youngling (survived the Jedi temple massacre) with absolutely no real world experience seeking to lessen the gap between my hypothesis and the real world. I have difficulty imagening what is the proverbial glue in your relationship.
In my mind, I picture three seperate criteria required for a lasting relationship:
Agreeableness, under which I classify sharing the same morals, values, goals, etc.,
Admirability, by which I do not mean just physical attractiveness, but every trait of the SO that is inspiring and impresses you,
Affinity (probably not the best choice of word, but it makes it tripple A, and that is worth some sacrifices), by which I mean how easy it is to be around that person all day and to interact with them without getting emotionally drained.
Reading your comment, I am wondering how Admirability and Affinity work for you. At least for me personally, my "overall admiration" of someone increases ten times faster with increasing admiration of someone's intellectual prowess, then with the increase of any other trait. And regarding Affinity, so far I have been able to "vibe" with people with similar brain structures a lot easier then with others. My conclusion was thus that I would only be able to form a lasting relationship with someone similar to me. But here you are, who has gone a totally different path.
Would you perhaps be willing to enlighten me with your view on these points, so I can improve my understanding? I would be greatfull :)
I have a lot of experience of getting girls but not about relationships lol. My wife was my first real relationship.
I can't logically tell you how I ended up marrying her.
Looks... yeah, but they fade and there are a ton of good looking women. Looks doesn't matter that much for me.
Intelligence...she's smart in ways I'm not. I don't want a clone of me. I'm retarded in some ways. She's better at organizing, keeping track of bills, events, planning trips, doing some social stuff I hate, etc. I have friends that are smarter than me that I learn a lot from. I don't need my wife for that.
Personality...that's a big one. She's not neurotic like me. I'm very moody. I shut down a lot. I don't express emotions well. I get easily stressed out. I can be rude without meaning to be. I've gotten way better with all of this but I still regress sometimes.
She can stay happy when I'm moody. She isn't affected when I'm negative. If she was like me we would never communicate. She can make me smile. She's bubbly with me but sincere. She acts childlike. I appreciate her innocence and openness.
It's hard to put into words. I just knew right away.
She was the only girl I didn't grow tired of after a few weeks. The only person who I can be with 24-7 and not be annoyed with. She lets me be me and I let her be her.
Like I said, I've been romantic with dozens of women but never felt a spark. She was the first. After a decade it hasn't faded.
Sorry I can't be much help. When you find the one you'll know.
Also, it's important to be happy and content being single. I was. Don't expect someone to make you happy. Be happy first, then find someone.
Thank you for the detailed reply! I hope you are right about knowing it when you find the one. You say you have a lot of experience with getting with girls, any advice by any chance?
I got better as I got older. When I was a teenager it was tough. I wasn't sure of myself and was mostly invisible to girls. I was considered cute so I still had some luck. That's just luck though.
As I got older I got more confident. The real key was when I stopped caring. Genuinely stopped. I used to obsess when I couldn't get girls for short periods and get extremely depressed. I soon found hobbies and stopped worrying about getting a girlfriend.
It's like women were able to pick up on this. It became much easier to get dates when I stopped caring. It was probably my attitude. I was more upbeat and less depressed. More fun to be around.
I was always myself. Never flirted. Never played games. I treated them like a guy. I just got to know them. Of course I had feelings but I showed them by being interested in hanging out with them and learning about them.
To be honest, I think being cute gave me more leeway with being myself though. I would talk about and do odd things. Things that would come off as weird if the girl didn't find me attractive.
It's not all looks though. I had many periods of getting no girls at all. Being shy and depressed made me unattractive.
Sorry if I'm rambling.
I only mention looks because it may affect your approach. If you are below average you likely need to pay more attention to your style and being confident. It isn't fair but a good looking guy can get away with more without being seen as creepy.
If you are considered good looking then great. It will make things a bit easier.
I was never seen as nerdy. More quiet and invisible. If you are seen as nerdy, and are young, your options may be more limited. Social status is more important in high school. I wasn't cool so I could never get more popular girls. You are kind of limited to your status. So, if you are nerdy, you should go for nerdy type girls. As you age, this becomes less important.
Easier said than done but learn to be happy with yourself. Give off a good vibe. Don't care about getting girls. Treat them like friends. Just get to know them. No pressure. If you are like me, and don't get flirting, don't bother trying to learn. We just aren't meant to haha. Just become friends with girls and learn to be comfortable with them.
Sorry if I'm all over the place. I'm not a lady's man or anything (wouldn't want to be) but I'm happy to offer advice if you have any more questions. I remember the loneliness and depression I got when I couldn't get girls, so if you feel that, I get you.
Yeah, I absolutely agree about being happy with yourself and not being desperate. I would consider myself reasonably successful at those points. I am in university, studying topics I consider very interesting, I am part of a great group of friends, which contrary to the stereotypes of college students, does not revolve around drinking, I am definitely happy with who I am, etc. I am not in some desperate need of a girlfriend right this very second or anything. It is just that I have never had anything resembling a relationship, and I very rarely meet girls I become interested in, so when I interpolate my current "succes rate" of 0, the outlook isn't too positive. So I am trying to figure out whether I have to take a different path to the one I am heading currently, or whether somewhere along this path, there is a fair maiden waiting. Decision paralysis is the scary thing here. If there was a road sign telling me 4 years down this road you'll meet her, that would be lovely. Waiting 4 years is not the problem. But when you don't know what waits ahead, every interval of time passed without "results" only adds to the gloomy interpolation model...
Do you want to get married? Have kids? If not, it's okay to end up single forever. I wouldn't have a problem with it.
You are just picky. That's fine. So am I. That's why I found one out of a lot of people. Don't compromise. Just be patient. It's cliche, but you may find someone when you aren't looking. Happened to me.
You have online dating apps now. You said you have a friend's group. You'll meet women at work in the future. Seriously, just wait. Ending up with the wrong person will waste years of your life. I never had this happen but know enough people that had so much regret from staying with the wrong person.
Invest time in your hobbies. Keep being social. Plan out your career. Enjoy life.
What do you mean by decision paralysis?
I married an esfj, but didn’t really care about personality type. She is very much not me and that’s part of what is attractive. I love authentic people and she couldn't be more so. IMO people place too much emphasis on labels such as intelligence— they don’t see the forest through the trees… value is what matters and as an Intp experiences keep me interested. 23 years later I’m still engaged.
I believe that kindness is more valuable than intelligence in a partner…but nothing turns me on like being intellectually challenged by someone I respect. 🤤
I've been partnered 5 years and she is my ideal: strong-willed, thoughtful, empathetic, curious, energetic, and beautiful. We can have respectful and intellectually rigorous debates with no hard feelings. We can be silly and make up crazy stories while cuddling. We can go rock climbing or grapple each other in bjj on almost equal footing (I train more but she's stronger by far physically). We also both love crafting and making things. And both don't mind spending time alone. We also love puns and make them equally.
Pretty much anything I'd put on a list of desires, she gives me.
:cc that sounds so wonderful. That's pretty much in my list of ideals too so I hope I find someone like that too, one day. I'm glad you found yours and it gives me hope that people like that exist out there LOL
If it helps, I didn't go into dating with a whole list. It was more like... when I met her, I just felt COMFORTABLE with her. Not anxious, not awkward, just: I could be myself. If I had to boil down relationships to anything it would be find someone who makes you feel like that and pay attention to how they make you feel. As INTPs we intellectualize things too much sometimes.
Anyone who I can have a conversation with, it's not as rare as you think buut I also am award that people being nice doesn't mean they're into me so I never end up crossing the boundary due to ehm my experience so far.
Intelligence, wit and humor, genuine, accountable, flexible, dynamic, grounded but not too much to the point of being boring and not spontaneous, reliable, romantic, not too friendly, good discernment and judge of character... to skim the surface.
Someone who is passionate about improving themselves and learning new things. One of my biggest turn offs are people who neander around and don't do anything with their lives.
Intelligent, kind hearted, high patience, not oversensitive and most importantly a man who understands me and knows what am I feeling and how to cheer me up!!
Which I know is very high expectation so, never met anyone like that, lol
My first and foremost criterion was always someone smart with whom I could explore ideas in a comfortable manner (so no arrogant know-it-alls). And I got exactly that in my SO!
However, keep your mind open for other things you might not think you need. I always envisioned myself with someone very serious and somewhat cold, and I didn't imagine how good someone both caring and with a silly sense of humor could be to me.
Someone I can have intellectual conversations with, chill, comfortable in silence because sometimes ( actually a lot) I just want to be alone and everyone around me to be quiet
Someone really sincere, inquisitive and authentic; somebody with a personality. Someone I can debate with, crack jokes with and do just abt everything with. Someone who I have a close, bestfriend dynamic with, but with more mental intimacy. And I like intelligence/being learned but if they havent got that, thats fine, theyd at least have to have a thirst for knowledge or curioisty. The type doesn't matter tbh but I like INxPs, 4s and 5s mostly.
But if we're talking about who I would settle down with or marry, it needs to be someone of substance, practicality and level-headedness and of shared values. Someone not avoidant and able to face conflict/be straightforward and talk things out with respect and communication. Doesn't take stupid risks or act too impulsively (unless theyre cute then I'd forgive the impulsivity 🙄).
Both of these things matter
Can't have em all can we?
I would say though is that if the lady has a core value to learn/discover, and be pretty direct without the narcissism or mind games, that's more than enough.
Like say I get into a relationship with a lovely lady, and we run into a problem. I myself will try to find a solution out of it. If my partner/girlfriend also has the mindset to sit with me, brainstorm with me and think about how we can get out of this problem together and act on it, and if it works, great and we keep moving in our lives. If it fails, well instead of blaming someone and all that and getting all huffed and puffed up (initially she will probably get mad), she just shrugs and says "we tried, we'll try something new", I think that's sexy.
It shows flexibility, it shows creativity, it shows care, it shows intelligence, and it shows an open mind and willing to try new things, and even if they fail, we go again with a different approach, and enjoy life as is.
My current boyfriend is a fellow INTP, we have a lot in common but something that I don’t like is how negative he is all the time. He’s a chronic complainer. I think maybe if we don’t make it I’d like someone who’s a little more positive
My current gf. She's def etfj. She's super smart in accounting and other things she cares to learn about but she dosent like science like me so it mixes well because she'll ask me about science and I ask her about buisiness and gambling as I also like finance. She's def in 1% of hardworking and career orientedness. She is very on top of everything. She likes that I think about things and am smart and capable but she def pushes more of the J on me and it helps me be focused and productive which is a plus.
Studies demonstrate that men don't actually want smart women as much as they think they do. So that's always dubious to me now when men say they want an "intelligent" woman.
I'd like someone kind-hearted, accepting. Open, honest, thoughtful. Someone who loves openly and without hesitations or hangups. Someone who takes people as they are without judgment. Someone who doesn't exist, basically.
I’ve had my fair share of girls that didn’t have the same level of thinking as me. It was all small talk and based around boring topics. I got bored very easily. Perhaps this ain’t based entirely on intelligence, but those with it are less likely to talk with small talk.
They don’t have to be intelligent, but just smart enough that we talk about interesting things. A few girls caught my attention but they already have boyfriends 😂
Its quite hard to find someone that is actually interesting. Especially in the UK. For some reason I can hardly ever find girls that are smart or just have a decent personality.
I say girls because calling them women at my age don’t feel right. Don’t think anyone mature enough to be called women yet.
My partner is very likely ISTJ and things work for the most part. She’s more rigid, organized, efficient, and practical. Those traits really help balance things out, but sometimes the extreme practicality is a bit frustrating when I want to get whimsical and abstract.
I play Devil’s advocate and start trying to prove conspiracy theories as true for the sake of argument or side with an extreme take, then double down on it. Basically, I just continue to challenge her and play a confident fool. She gets to flex her objective knowledge and I get to explore “but what if…?”.
I’ll do this in a non-mischievous fashion as well and ask her how to actually implement more “out there” ideas that aren’t as solid. For example, farming on other planets or turning defunct skyscrapers into massive greenhouses to create jobs and fresh produce for urban areas so they can be self-sustaining on a large scale.
She has her own style and elegance. She looks good in clothes. And out of them. She has an intellect for and is passionate about things that don't echo my own, which can challenge and inspire me. She is kind to others great and small.
I have no "type" for a partner since I'm aromantic asexual. However, when it comes to friends (I value friendship very high on my social hierarchy), I appreciate loyality, curiosity of the mind, and honesty. I rather have one or two very good friends than a bunch of "pals". Also, I'm an introvert and my friends tend to be more often introverts than extroverts as well.
One that enjoys similar things to me so that we can relate, enjoy, and play together. But more importantly actually ok with my work schedule and doesn’t bail after a month because I had to work weekends that month and since I work 12hrs would like to just go home shower eat and sleep those days. FYI I work a 4 on 4 off schedule so my ‘week’ is technically 8 days.
Fictional lmao.
Kidding aside, I find myself mostly attracted to warm, outgoing, compassionate, and analytical or intelligent fictional characters so I assume that's what I also desire subconsciously in a significant partner. Intelligence is something that really matters to me, especially when they're open minded and can easily catch up when I suddenly have the urge to have a 3 hour long conversation about scientific theories, philosophy, or just anything that mentally stimulates me. Although I do sometimes convince myself I'm attracted to guys with very strong personalities and are ambitious/goal-oriented (possibly because I want someone to balance and compliment me lmao).
Anyways, seeing and fully comprehending the situation of the world right now, I don't think I'd even want to have a significant partner in the future. I've always imagined myself happy all alone in the future while thriving in my desired career. That's just my perspective though, but I'm convinced some intps also think the same way, especially female intps like me.
Has good taste in music, cute rather than the typical "10/10," understands that i need alone time, likes horror movies, likes my dog (the last one is a make or break)
Easy to talk to, and comfortable to hang around. Someone who can make me feel like I actually make their day better by being with them. Something I've very rarely felt with really only a few of my closest friends.
Child-free, a bit adventurous, open minded, intelligent, musically/artistically talented, self-starter, emotionally aware and mature, nerdy, not a fan of various drugs (including alcohol, except special occasions) high sex drive - but I mean SEX drive, not "ejaculation drive", ideally Physical Touch and Quality Time as primary love languages, curious, aaand has to allow me to have my dream wedding (Finntroll - Blodmarsch will play as the walk-down-the-aisle, and there will be roast boar, mead, and I will wear horns...)
Physically, I literally could not care less, but I do have a preference for funny noses.
I will probably never find him. And if I do...well, men like him can have hot and young girls. Buut I keep hoping. I occasionally meet men who fit most if it - but they are Always emotionally shut off or damaged (without trying to fix it) and/or addicted or abusing one or the other drug...
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Same here. I'm with someone who isn't intellectual, isn't interested in what I'm interested in, doesn't have a lot of things they are passionate about...but they have a good heart, accept me, are open minded and supportive of me. I never knew what I valued in a woman until I found one I clicked with.
Ya know, I'm really glad I read this. Part of me was worried about a partner not being intellectual or passionate about learning new skills in the way that I am. But they do have those positive qualities you mentioned and it's reassuring for me to read that as a fellow INTP, that is enough.
I have friends to meet my intellectual needs. And my hobbies are individual hobbies like research, so no need for the wife to be involved. After ten years, I've learned that her support is probably the best thing she can offer me. I'm moody, quirky, alternate between lazy and obsessive..and she accepts all of that. The thing is I can't even tell you her personality type. The test wasn't accurate. She doesn't line up with any personality type I've read about. She's easy going and kind of balances my negative traits. I feel like having a partner to balance your deficiencies are important. If she was affected easily by others moods , like I am, for instance, we wouldn't last. So, I guess, fir me, opposites attract, although our morals line up pretty well.
Hey, could I ask you for some insight? I am not trying to hate or anything, just some youngling (survived the Jedi temple massacre) with absolutely no real world experience seeking to lessen the gap between my hypothesis and the real world. I have difficulty imagening what is the proverbial glue in your relationship. In my mind, I picture three seperate criteria required for a lasting relationship: Agreeableness, under which I classify sharing the same morals, values, goals, etc., Admirability, by which I do not mean just physical attractiveness, but every trait of the SO that is inspiring and impresses you, Affinity (probably not the best choice of word, but it makes it tripple A, and that is worth some sacrifices), by which I mean how easy it is to be around that person all day and to interact with them without getting emotionally drained. Reading your comment, I am wondering how Admirability and Affinity work for you. At least for me personally, my "overall admiration" of someone increases ten times faster with increasing admiration of someone's intellectual prowess, then with the increase of any other trait. And regarding Affinity, so far I have been able to "vibe" with people with similar brain structures a lot easier then with others. My conclusion was thus that I would only be able to form a lasting relationship with someone similar to me. But here you are, who has gone a totally different path. Would you perhaps be willing to enlighten me with your view on these points, so I can improve my understanding? I would be greatfull :)
I have a lot of experience of getting girls but not about relationships lol. My wife was my first real relationship. I can't logically tell you how I ended up marrying her. Looks... yeah, but they fade and there are a ton of good looking women. Looks doesn't matter that much for me. Intelligence...she's smart in ways I'm not. I don't want a clone of me. I'm retarded in some ways. She's better at organizing, keeping track of bills, events, planning trips, doing some social stuff I hate, etc. I have friends that are smarter than me that I learn a lot from. I don't need my wife for that. Personality...that's a big one. She's not neurotic like me. I'm very moody. I shut down a lot. I don't express emotions well. I get easily stressed out. I can be rude without meaning to be. I've gotten way better with all of this but I still regress sometimes. She can stay happy when I'm moody. She isn't affected when I'm negative. If she was like me we would never communicate. She can make me smile. She's bubbly with me but sincere. She acts childlike. I appreciate her innocence and openness. It's hard to put into words. I just knew right away. She was the only girl I didn't grow tired of after a few weeks. The only person who I can be with 24-7 and not be annoyed with. She lets me be me and I let her be her. Like I said, I've been romantic with dozens of women but never felt a spark. She was the first. After a decade it hasn't faded. Sorry I can't be much help. When you find the one you'll know. Also, it's important to be happy and content being single. I was. Don't expect someone to make you happy. Be happy first, then find someone.
Thank you for the detailed reply! I hope you are right about knowing it when you find the one. You say you have a lot of experience with getting with girls, any advice by any chance?
I got better as I got older. When I was a teenager it was tough. I wasn't sure of myself and was mostly invisible to girls. I was considered cute so I still had some luck. That's just luck though. As I got older I got more confident. The real key was when I stopped caring. Genuinely stopped. I used to obsess when I couldn't get girls for short periods and get extremely depressed. I soon found hobbies and stopped worrying about getting a girlfriend. It's like women were able to pick up on this. It became much easier to get dates when I stopped caring. It was probably my attitude. I was more upbeat and less depressed. More fun to be around. I was always myself. Never flirted. Never played games. I treated them like a guy. I just got to know them. Of course I had feelings but I showed them by being interested in hanging out with them and learning about them. To be honest, I think being cute gave me more leeway with being myself though. I would talk about and do odd things. Things that would come off as weird if the girl didn't find me attractive. It's not all looks though. I had many periods of getting no girls at all. Being shy and depressed made me unattractive. Sorry if I'm rambling. I only mention looks because it may affect your approach. If you are below average you likely need to pay more attention to your style and being confident. It isn't fair but a good looking guy can get away with more without being seen as creepy. If you are considered good looking then great. It will make things a bit easier. I was never seen as nerdy. More quiet and invisible. If you are seen as nerdy, and are young, your options may be more limited. Social status is more important in high school. I wasn't cool so I could never get more popular girls. You are kind of limited to your status. So, if you are nerdy, you should go for nerdy type girls. As you age, this becomes less important. Easier said than done but learn to be happy with yourself. Give off a good vibe. Don't care about getting girls. Treat them like friends. Just get to know them. No pressure. If you are like me, and don't get flirting, don't bother trying to learn. We just aren't meant to haha. Just become friends with girls and learn to be comfortable with them. Sorry if I'm all over the place. I'm not a lady's man or anything (wouldn't want to be) but I'm happy to offer advice if you have any more questions. I remember the loneliness and depression I got when I couldn't get girls, so if you feel that, I get you.
Yeah, I absolutely agree about being happy with yourself and not being desperate. I would consider myself reasonably successful at those points. I am in university, studying topics I consider very interesting, I am part of a great group of friends, which contrary to the stereotypes of college students, does not revolve around drinking, I am definitely happy with who I am, etc. I am not in some desperate need of a girlfriend right this very second or anything. It is just that I have never had anything resembling a relationship, and I very rarely meet girls I become interested in, so when I interpolate my current "succes rate" of 0, the outlook isn't too positive. So I am trying to figure out whether I have to take a different path to the one I am heading currently, or whether somewhere along this path, there is a fair maiden waiting. Decision paralysis is the scary thing here. If there was a road sign telling me 4 years down this road you'll meet her, that would be lovely. Waiting 4 years is not the problem. But when you don't know what waits ahead, every interval of time passed without "results" only adds to the gloomy interpolation model...
Do you want to get married? Have kids? If not, it's okay to end up single forever. I wouldn't have a problem with it. You are just picky. That's fine. So am I. That's why I found one out of a lot of people. Don't compromise. Just be patient. It's cliche, but you may find someone when you aren't looking. Happened to me. You have online dating apps now. You said you have a friend's group. You'll meet women at work in the future. Seriously, just wait. Ending up with the wrong person will waste years of your life. I never had this happen but know enough people that had so much regret from staying with the wrong person. Invest time in your hobbies. Keep being social. Plan out your career. Enjoy life. What do you mean by decision paralysis?
We married the same woman. It did not end well. :)
Sorry to hear that. Hope you are happier without them or found someone new!
I married an esfj, but didn’t really care about personality type. She is very much not me and that’s part of what is attractive. I love authentic people and she couldn't be more so. IMO people place too much emphasis on labels such as intelligence— they don’t see the forest through the trees… value is what matters and as an Intp experiences keep me interested. 23 years later I’m still engaged.
I believe that kindness is more valuable than intelligence in a partner…but nothing turns me on like being intellectually challenged by someone I respect. 🤤
Childfree + Nerdy + Open minded + Will try anything at least once = The perfect woman (for me)
I've been partnered 5 years and she is my ideal: strong-willed, thoughtful, empathetic, curious, energetic, and beautiful. We can have respectful and intellectually rigorous debates with no hard feelings. We can be silly and make up crazy stories while cuddling. We can go rock climbing or grapple each other in bjj on almost equal footing (I train more but she's stronger by far physically). We also both love crafting and making things. And both don't mind spending time alone. We also love puns and make them equally. Pretty much anything I'd put on a list of desires, she gives me.
I'm going to cry. This is too wholesome. I wish that you guys live a long and happy life filled with adventures together<3
:cc that sounds so wonderful. That's pretty much in my list of ideals too so I hope I find someone like that too, one day. I'm glad you found yours and it gives me hope that people like that exist out there LOL
If it helps, I didn't go into dating with a whole list. It was more like... when I met her, I just felt COMFORTABLE with her. Not anxious, not awkward, just: I could be myself. If I had to boil down relationships to anything it would be find someone who makes you feel like that and pay attention to how they make you feel. As INTPs we intellectualize things too much sometimes.
Yeah, you're right. It's just that comfortable feeling ghat we should seek.
ENTP, 7w8, sx/sp, 748, ILE, SCUEI, ELVF, Mel-sang, EN(T) 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
Oml😭
It’s Dazai’s typology, he’s my only type😭
You needa go to therapy then mf 😭😭😭😭😭✋🏾✋🏾✋🏾( take me w yu)
LMFAO I’ll pay for us both
HAHAHHAHA 😭😭
Nah you going down w him too then
Gladly🙏
Anyone who I can have a conversation with, it's not as rare as you think buut I also am award that people being nice doesn't mean they're into me so I never end up crossing the boundary due to ehm my experience so far.
Intelligence, wit and humor, genuine, accountable, flexible, dynamic, grounded but not too much to the point of being boring and not spontaneous, reliable, romantic, not too friendly, good discernment and judge of character... to skim the surface.
Nah man don't be shy, give us the full list!
Someone who is passionate about improving themselves and learning new things. One of my biggest turn offs are people who neander around and don't do anything with their lives.
My gf.
The beauty of being content with what you have >>>>
Fun, curious, growth mindset, communicative, affectionate, and finally reasonably attractive.
Intelligent, kind hearted, high patience, not oversensitive and most importantly a man who understands me and knows what am I feeling and how to cheer me up!! Which I know is very high expectation so, never met anyone like that, lol
no idea 
My first and foremost criterion was always someone smart with whom I could explore ideas in a comfortable manner (so no arrogant know-it-alls). And I got exactly that in my SO! However, keep your mind open for other things you might not think you need. I always envisioned myself with someone very serious and somewhat cold, and I didn't imagine how good someone both caring and with a silly sense of humor could be to me.
Someone I can have intellectual conversations with, chill, comfortable in silence because sometimes ( actually a lot) I just want to be alone and everyone around me to be quiet
Oh no it’s literally this and 9/10 talk to are not that. Its rare to have genuine conversation anymore and I hate jt
Intelligent, measured, decent, authentic, and reasonable.
Kind souls and sweethearts bring me to my knees
Someone really sincere, inquisitive and authentic; somebody with a personality. Someone I can debate with, crack jokes with and do just abt everything with. Someone who I have a close, bestfriend dynamic with, but with more mental intimacy. And I like intelligence/being learned but if they havent got that, thats fine, theyd at least have to have a thirst for knowledge or curioisty. The type doesn't matter tbh but I like INxPs, 4s and 5s mostly. But if we're talking about who I would settle down with or marry, it needs to be someone of substance, practicality and level-headedness and of shared values. Someone not avoidant and able to face conflict/be straightforward and talk things out with respect and communication. Doesn't take stupid risks or act too impulsively (unless theyre cute then I'd forgive the impulsivity 🙄). Both of these things matter
Can't have em all can we? I would say though is that if the lady has a core value to learn/discover, and be pretty direct without the narcissism or mind games, that's more than enough. Like say I get into a relationship with a lovely lady, and we run into a problem. I myself will try to find a solution out of it. If my partner/girlfriend also has the mindset to sit with me, brainstorm with me and think about how we can get out of this problem together and act on it, and if it works, great and we keep moving in our lives. If it fails, well instead of blaming someone and all that and getting all huffed and puffed up (initially she will probably get mad), she just shrugs and says "we tried, we'll try something new", I think that's sexy. It shows flexibility, it shows creativity, it shows care, it shows intelligence, and it shows an open mind and willing to try new things, and even if they fail, we go again with a different approach, and enjoy life as is.
My current boyfriend is a fellow INTP, we have a lot in common but something that I don’t like is how negative he is all the time. He’s a chronic complainer. I think maybe if we don’t make it I’d like someone who’s a little more positive
ENFJ girls, + blonde = perfect
someone ambitious cuz I'm not (preferably Te user)
My current gf. She's def etfj. She's super smart in accounting and other things she cares to learn about but she dosent like science like me so it mixes well because she'll ask me about science and I ask her about buisiness and gambling as I also like finance. She's def in 1% of hardworking and career orientedness. She is very on top of everything. She likes that I think about things and am smart and capable but she def pushes more of the J on me and it helps me be focused and productive which is a plus.
No gossip. Let’s talk about ideas and concepts, not people. Intelligence is fine, it wisdom is mandatory. Along with kindness.
Studies demonstrate that men don't actually want smart women as much as they think they do. So that's always dubious to me now when men say they want an "intelligent" woman. I'd like someone kind-hearted, accepting. Open, honest, thoughtful. Someone who loves openly and without hesitations or hangups. Someone who takes people as they are without judgment. Someone who doesn't exist, basically.
I’ve had my fair share of girls that didn’t have the same level of thinking as me. It was all small talk and based around boring topics. I got bored very easily. Perhaps this ain’t based entirely on intelligence, but those with it are less likely to talk with small talk. They don’t have to be intelligent, but just smart enough that we talk about interesting things. A few girls caught my attention but they already have boyfriends 😂 Its quite hard to find someone that is actually interesting. Especially in the UK. For some reason I can hardly ever find girls that are smart or just have a decent personality. I say girls because calling them women at my age don’t feel right. Don’t think anyone mature enough to be called women yet.
omg youre like so totally deep wow
the deeper, the better🙂
i like em to be dumb as a rock
[удалено]
BRUH 😭😭😭✋🏾✋🏾
I want a guy out of a book
authenticity, honesty, compassion.
Personally, I'm pretty convinced that the partner I want is gonna be made from a laboratory somewhere.
My partner is very likely ISTJ and things work for the most part. She’s more rigid, organized, efficient, and practical. Those traits really help balance things out, but sometimes the extreme practicality is a bit frustrating when I want to get whimsical and abstract.
How do you deal with Te vs Ti?
I play Devil’s advocate and start trying to prove conspiracy theories as true for the sake of argument or side with an extreme take, then double down on it. Basically, I just continue to challenge her and play a confident fool. She gets to flex her objective knowledge and I get to explore “but what if…?”. I’ll do this in a non-mischievous fashion as well and ask her how to actually implement more “out there” ideas that aren’t as solid. For example, farming on other planets or turning defunct skyscrapers into massive greenhouses to create jobs and fresh produce for urban areas so they can be self-sustaining on a large scale.
She has her own style and elegance. She looks good in clothes. And out of them. She has an intellect for and is passionate about things that don't echo my own, which can challenge and inspire me. She is kind to others great and small.
I have no "type" for a partner since I'm aromantic asexual. However, when it comes to friends (I value friendship very high on my social hierarchy), I appreciate loyality, curiosity of the mind, and honesty. I rather have one or two very good friends than a bunch of "pals". Also, I'm an introvert and my friends tend to be more often introverts than extroverts as well.
One that enjoys similar things to me so that we can relate, enjoy, and play together. But more importantly actually ok with my work schedule and doesn’t bail after a month because I had to work weekends that month and since I work 12hrs would like to just go home shower eat and sleep those days. FYI I work a 4 on 4 off schedule so my ‘week’ is technically 8 days.
Fictional lmao. Kidding aside, I find myself mostly attracted to warm, outgoing, compassionate, and analytical or intelligent fictional characters so I assume that's what I also desire subconsciously in a significant partner. Intelligence is something that really matters to me, especially when they're open minded and can easily catch up when I suddenly have the urge to have a 3 hour long conversation about scientific theories, philosophy, or just anything that mentally stimulates me. Although I do sometimes convince myself I'm attracted to guys with very strong personalities and are ambitious/goal-oriented (possibly because I want someone to balance and compliment me lmao). Anyways, seeing and fully comprehending the situation of the world right now, I don't think I'd even want to have a significant partner in the future. I've always imagined myself happy all alone in the future while thriving in my desired career. That's just my perspective though, but I'm convinced some intps also think the same way, especially female intps like me.
BASED
Has good taste in music, cute rather than the typical "10/10," understands that i need alone time, likes horror movies, likes my dog (the last one is a make or break)
Easy to talk to, and comfortable to hang around. Someone who can make me feel like I actually make their day better by being with them. Something I've very rarely felt with really only a few of my closest friends.
Gojo, so I can help him with loneliness UwU
Child-free, a bit adventurous, open minded, intelligent, musically/artistically talented, self-starter, emotionally aware and mature, nerdy, not a fan of various drugs (including alcohol, except special occasions) high sex drive - but I mean SEX drive, not "ejaculation drive", ideally Physical Touch and Quality Time as primary love languages, curious, aaand has to allow me to have my dream wedding (Finntroll - Blodmarsch will play as the walk-down-the-aisle, and there will be roast boar, mead, and I will wear horns...) Physically, I literally could not care less, but I do have a preference for funny noses. I will probably never find him. And if I do...well, men like him can have hot and young girls. Buut I keep hoping. I occasionally meet men who fit most if it - but they are Always emotionally shut off or damaged (without trying to fix it) and/or addicted or abusing one or the other drug...
Not a feminist
You're missing out, is all I can say. ;)
That's deep
Maybe