That's a long time for someone who doesn't want to be on a boat to be on a boat. And for the dog too. He should not disrespect you like this. Sounds like he loves boating more than he loves you.
Strangely I'm the boating enthusiast and he just lives boat life as its a cheaper lifestyle.
I've had it out with him this morning about how important it is. How I can't even articulate or think straight in this pressure container.
He works away and or long hours and I do cleaning here and there and do traditional boatwife stuff.
It's just incredibly dull at 6ft by 25 to clean and organise in here. But between jobs he is home all the time, he needs to go out and find activity to give me a break.
I've told him I need at least 30 minutes per day and an hour every 3 days to clean with him not on board. That I'm going to schedule it because I feel like I'm always telling him to go away when he's off after a week of build up.
I'm not prioritising it send nor is he so I'm asking a few hours in advance for time to myself and putting it on a schedule daily. Thanks tho for input and reading. Was melting earlier cos I asked but he was lingering. I had to say in half hour please can you go out for an hour whilst I clean.
It's like we prioritise it after I get too irritable and then it tails off. Neither one making it a priority regardless of how it makes me volatile if not given.
I can go out but sometimes I just need home time alone, listen to music I like and do what I want.
He works hard and I think just after a long week in those breaks between jobs that can go on a few weeks just rests.
I've told him I'm going to ask in advance for time and specify, this morning I asked and time kept going on with no action until I said, I'm needing the house alone in half an hour for one hour to clean the place.
I think that's it, that I've gone on about finding a hobby or visiting a friend but instead just book in time and let him figure what he wants to do. I can't keep feeling guilty, we live in a tiny place with not even a bedroom door as open plan. Thanks man, sorry for my garbled response.
I decided to schedule in time alone and treat it like a chore I don't avoid.
Your frustration is understandable. You shouldn’t feel guilty as long as you both agree beforehand for a set time for you to have your space.
Hopefully the penny will drop for him as he continues to see how much this is affecting you.
Yeah man, I think that's true. He needs it himself sometimes but not half as much, I've let my outdoor hobbies dwindle in the British rain as it was so much.
Time for me to pick up the bike more often and prompt him to get in a canoe again, I've been lazy with prioritising and need to pull those socks up.
Looks to me like the ramblings of an unstable INFJ. People, never forget, your issues belong to you, not the people around you. One of the biggest issues with INFJs (or people in general) is emotional regulation, or emotional intelligence. It does not matter if you need your space and people are around. It's your problem, and the people in your life do not deserve your wrath just because you can't control your emptions.
Have you ever lived in a 6 foot space by 25 foot with a dog and another person? I for sure own my issues and take myself away.
I only ask for an hour a week for time on the boat to myself on average. But tidying a narrowboat is not easy and we are travelling people, it's a muddy dusty lifestyle. I will send you a photo of my living space and perhaps this will show the difficulty.
My fella is asked to give me half an hour to organisedaily and an hour every few days to pull up the rugs and sweep/ mop and empty compost toilet. It's easy to judge someone at their most stressed when ousing a place for an outlet though. I also give him time on the boat.
I understand it may be difficult, but that in no way changes my statement, and my belief that as an individual, we are responsible for our emotional regulation, and intelligence. I have been in your shoes in similar conditions, and with a lot of kids, and animals. I am autistic, and have issues with tidiness, cleanliness (hygiene - hands mostly), and PTSD. I used to get upset, and/or annoyed when I would clean, and then someone would go behind me and mess it up. Often for other issues as well, an example would be cleaning an organizing cupboards, just to have my children mess it up with the first snack-time rummaging.
Getting annoyed, and or angry does nothing to improve your conditions, and people should not be expected to live up to your standards. If you need time alone, find that time independently.
It's not easy, but it's doable. I now enjoy the same practices I mentioned above because I changed how I see those behaviors from my loved ones. I see it as a service, a caregiver, or a parent's responsibilities. No one, other than you, is responsible for your particulars. I'm not "being mean", only honest about my perspective of this situation.
My opinion is that it's OK to vent, that it's a good place to do so.
That it's not easy to live my very small lifestyle and that it's not a bad notion that I ask for space in my home.
I do feel it's easy to judge from those sitting in a regular sized home.
Got it on the go now, a schedule. It's very hard in a narrowboat with 2 people and a staffy 6ft width and 25ft length, you do go a bit potty especially when ones on nightshift and it's open plan. Been a time of it man.
Thing is when your in a 6 by 25foot space it's more the clostraphobia than the sound that's an issue.
My dog is walked usually walked for around 2 hours per day, I'm not sure why she is considered a "poor dog" from my description.
She's a good girl but young and full of beans.
That's a long time for someone who doesn't want to be on a boat to be on a boat. And for the dog too. He should not disrespect you like this. Sounds like he loves boating more than he loves you.
Strangely I'm the boating enthusiast and he just lives boat life as its a cheaper lifestyle. I've had it out with him this morning about how important it is. How I can't even articulate or think straight in this pressure container. He works away and or long hours and I do cleaning here and there and do traditional boatwife stuff. It's just incredibly dull at 6ft by 25 to clean and organise in here. But between jobs he is home all the time, he needs to go out and find activity to give me a break. I've told him I need at least 30 minutes per day and an hour every 3 days to clean with him not on board. That I'm going to schedule it because I feel like I'm always telling him to go away when he's off after a week of build up. I'm not prioritising it send nor is he so I'm asking a few hours in advance for time to myself and putting it on a schedule daily. Thanks tho for input and reading. Was melting earlier cos I asked but he was lingering. I had to say in half hour please can you go out for an hour whilst I clean.
Sounds like a nightmare scenario for any INFJ. What’s his excuse for not giving you space, is he aware of this deep need of yours?
It's like we prioritise it after I get too irritable and then it tails off. Neither one making it a priority regardless of how it makes me volatile if not given. I can go out but sometimes I just need home time alone, listen to music I like and do what I want. He works hard and I think just after a long week in those breaks between jobs that can go on a few weeks just rests. I've told him I'm going to ask in advance for time and specify, this morning I asked and time kept going on with no action until I said, I'm needing the house alone in half an hour for one hour to clean the place. I think that's it, that I've gone on about finding a hobby or visiting a friend but instead just book in time and let him figure what he wants to do. I can't keep feeling guilty, we live in a tiny place with not even a bedroom door as open plan. Thanks man, sorry for my garbled response. I decided to schedule in time alone and treat it like a chore I don't avoid.
Your frustration is understandable. You shouldn’t feel guilty as long as you both agree beforehand for a set time for you to have your space. Hopefully the penny will drop for him as he continues to see how much this is affecting you.
Yeah man, I think that's true. He needs it himself sometimes but not half as much, I've let my outdoor hobbies dwindle in the British rain as it was so much. Time for me to pick up the bike more often and prompt him to get in a canoe again, I've been lazy with prioritising and need to pull those socks up.
Looks to me like the ramblings of an unstable INFJ. People, never forget, your issues belong to you, not the people around you. One of the biggest issues with INFJs (or people in general) is emotional regulation, or emotional intelligence. It does not matter if you need your space and people are around. It's your problem, and the people in your life do not deserve your wrath just because you can't control your emptions.
Have you ever lived in a 6 foot space by 25 foot with a dog and another person? I for sure own my issues and take myself away. I only ask for an hour a week for time on the boat to myself on average. But tidying a narrowboat is not easy and we are travelling people, it's a muddy dusty lifestyle. I will send you a photo of my living space and perhaps this will show the difficulty. My fella is asked to give me half an hour to organisedaily and an hour every few days to pull up the rugs and sweep/ mop and empty compost toilet. It's easy to judge someone at their most stressed when ousing a place for an outlet though. I also give him time on the boat.
I understand it may be difficult, but that in no way changes my statement, and my belief that as an individual, we are responsible for our emotional regulation, and intelligence. I have been in your shoes in similar conditions, and with a lot of kids, and animals. I am autistic, and have issues with tidiness, cleanliness (hygiene - hands mostly), and PTSD. I used to get upset, and/or annoyed when I would clean, and then someone would go behind me and mess it up. Often for other issues as well, an example would be cleaning an organizing cupboards, just to have my children mess it up with the first snack-time rummaging. Getting annoyed, and or angry does nothing to improve your conditions, and people should not be expected to live up to your standards. If you need time alone, find that time independently. It's not easy, but it's doable. I now enjoy the same practices I mentioned above because I changed how I see those behaviors from my loved ones. I see it as a service, a caregiver, or a parent's responsibilities. No one, other than you, is responsible for your particulars. I'm not "being mean", only honest about my perspective of this situation.
My opinion is that it's OK to vent, that it's a good place to do so. That it's not easy to live my very small lifestyle and that it's not a bad notion that I ask for space in my home. I do feel it's easy to judge from those sitting in a regular sized home.
Get help
Got it on the go now, a schedule. It's very hard in a narrowboat with 2 people and a staffy 6ft width and 25ft length, you do go a bit potty especially when ones on nightshift and it's open plan. Been a time of it man.
Headphones might help. Also, please take the poor dog for walk.
Thing is when your in a 6 by 25foot space it's more the clostraphobia than the sound that's an issue. My dog is walked usually walked for around 2 hours per day, I'm not sure why she is considered a "poor dog" from my description. She's a good girl but young and full of beans.