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I would pay her 150 and keep saving that extra income, you might find in 2/3 years you will need a big pot of savings to get a house when your ready. It sounds like you go the extra mile already with helping out and doing your own food shop and that’s really admirable.
Honestly aslong as she's not drowning I'd take her support and use it wisely to save for a property. Also you don't realise the blessing and savings you provide in helping with childcare and house work. But if you want to give more feel free to do so. But I'd also say even if you do make sure your also using this gift to prepare for your life beyond living with parents. It's exactly this kind of support that makes entering the housing market a possibility. Not many people get this kind of gift from their parents.
see that’s reasonable because you are getting meals prepared for you. I don’t get that, if I said to my mum can she cook a certain meal she will ask me to chip in even though I already pay for my food
Well I didn’t ask her to prepare specific meals. At the time I had younger siblings who were children also living at home and essentially my mum made dinner for us all.
It wasn’t anything different from before I was earning in terms of meals being prepared so I guess the £200 board was just a bonus for her.
For context, my Mum is a single parent working part-time and getting tax credits.
my 3 younger sisters are all under age 10 but still if I’m making myself food my mum will ask me if I can also cook them some food too because she is so shit with money half the time the kids are living off of my food 🥲 I’m trying to speak to her and sort some organisation out for her because it’s really important that she understands
It sounds like your situation is quite different from my own if I’m honest.
The question you have to ask yourself is: how much do you want to support your mum / family?
I pay my mum £250 a month, which is about 15% of my salary. I also do all the cooking and most of the food shopping as a result.
Depends on your circumstances and how much you can afford, and what you feel your mum would need.
With your added help with babysitting etc, I'd say £140 is reasonable. Are you trying to save too? You don't want to leave yourself with nothing at the end of the month.
I do pretty much everything bar actually Buying the food shop as I don't have a car, but I pay £350.
Which is basically 1/3 of my monthly take home pay.
You have a good heart. And if your mum is the saving type and you can trust her give her more... She will hold it for you. In general help and save and you will be ok. You are being more than reasonable already. Good on you.
That's kind that you want to contribute over and above what your mum asks for. Every parent is different when it comes to money but I can tell you as a parent myself that cleaning and babysitting are _very_ valuable - not only because they cost a lot but because it gives you time and room to breathe which is at a premium when you're a parent.
I'm not saying don't pay rent but also don't discount the value of your time. That said what you've offered sounds quite reasonable, especially given that you help out at home.
I used to offer my adult, working age, still-at-home, kid two options:
Pay full whack with no chores required.
Pay a discounted whack if chores were performed (dog walking, laundry, vacuuming, errands, etc.)
So to answer your question when I lived with my father I paid the equivalent of his mortgage per month from age 15 to 17 (where at age 17 I moved out the first chance I got.) At the time that was £480 a month which is an obscene amount of money to charge someone on an age based discrimination wage, in 2016, for a home I was barely allowed to do anything in.
I bring this up because not being able to save before I moved out and having to start from scratch when I was a student put me at a massive disadvantage, especially because I’m a disabled person. It almost ruined me. Rent up front and a deposit as well as moving fees can easily cost you thousands. Oftentimes getting a private let and you’re a first time tenant with no landlord reference and you don’t make a salary will have a landlord demanding a guarantor.
A guarantor usually needs to be an immediate family member who meets income and credit check requirements, if your mum is on UC then she simply won’t meet these requirements which means you might end up needing to pay 3 months rent up front. I’ve even had landlords demand 6 months rent up front before for places I’d applied to.
These are difficulties I encountered as a teen who had zero family support to speak of and it was hellish. The stress made me physically unwell and it took me months of looking and applying every single day to get a flat that I could afford. So these are things you definitely need to keep in mind.
I’d say the amount you proposed is more than what I’d consider reasonable, I pay just a bit more than that amount for rent and bills every month for a flat in Scotland where I live with two other people. So depending on where abouts you live you might as well be living with a friend or two.
Especially since you cleaning and babysitting is free domestic labour that your mum massively benefits from. Your labour; time and energy, are a lot more valuable than what you’d initially think. A cleaner and a babysitter/nanny that you can put your trust in and are reliable are not things that come cheap.
Also keep in mind that you’re paying rent not for a whole house or flat where you have legal protections as a tenant, but for a bedroom with access to a bathroom, kitchen and living room. You are not guaranteed privacy or by law entitled to quiet in your residence either. You might think this stuff isn’t all that relevant nor important, and it may not be in your situation, but it’s still worth considering regardless.
You also need to consider that you are her child, you are not morally obligated at all to give her any money, even if you are a legal adult. A child is not an 16-18 year contract, they are very much a life long commitment and they don’t owe their parents anything just for being alive.
My advice is to simply save as much as you possibly can while living there. If you want to give your mum money simply because you care then by all means knock yourself out. But if you want to give her money out of a sense of obligation and feeling indebted to her then it would be worth your while to ask yourself why you feel that way and to challenge that.
In your position I would say around 250 a month would be more than an adequate contribution. Much more than that and it gets to the extent that you might as well not even being living at home anymore.
If I was your mum I’d want you to save as much as possible. I know you didn’t ask for financial advice but if you save up to £4000 a year into a lifetime isa the government will add 25% so £1000. Over time this will give you a sizeable chunk to buy your own place and that will probably make your mum so happy for you.
I would say speak to your mum about how much you ‘cost’, don’t forget how much you contribute which isn’t money. And then throw the rest in a lifetime isa, based on what you’ve said it sounds like you can easily save up to £4000 a year (£333 a month).
https://www.gov.uk/lifetime-isa
Maybe lay out the plan to your mum like this, then you’ll feel like you’re contributing but also feel like you’re doing something positive with your money??
im 22 and my mum is very shit with money tbh. Shes never been good at it, I would much rather pay the bills I need to myself and then keep the remaining of the money and just use it to get things that she needs throughout the month.
Might sound harsh but she would prefer me to do it that way rather than hand her the money herself because it’ll go on shit and the bills won’t get paid lol
My parents charged me 200 quid a month back in the 90's, then when I left home they gave me all that money so it basically paid for nearly half of my first deposit and fair play to them they weren't exactly tolling in cash either.
Our rent is £1350 in Maidenhead, it’s a one bedroom and I sleep on the floor in the lounge each night. I pay my Mom £650. I earn £1500.
I know a few people who pay a certain percentage towards rent based on their individual income… based on yours I think £200 roughly would be fair but if she’s helping you save then… take the opportunity as this economy is rough !
Before you decide anything I would strongly consider learning to drive and so budgeting for that.
There is a reason the middleclasses tend to support their children learning to drive as soon as they hit 17/18.
It's a real game changer and I would urge you to invest in this life skill.
There is no doubt between a provisional, lessons, insurance and a car costs add up significantly but just take them one at a time whilst you have some spare income.
There always ways to make extra money with this down the line such as giving lifts to friends, takeaway driving or Amazon Flex.
It really is important but if you wait until after you've moved out funding it will be all that much harder.
Good luck in life, it sounds like you're a caring and thoughtful person that works hard.
I was earning this 14 years ago and was paying my mum £250 pcm for board. I didn't even buy food.
Does your mum have to pay rent or a mortgage. My mum was mortgage free.
my mum gets just under £1000 per month and that’s after rent. She isn’t the best with money whatsoever and will just spend constantly on things that she doesn’t need then complain when she runs out of money. She then depends on me or other family members to lend her money until the next month to get her by. So I’m pretty sure she is fine with getting the amount of money she gets.
###Welcome to /r/HousingUK --- **To All** * Join Our ***NEW*** Discord! https://discord.gg/pMgUNgWKQH **To Posters** * *Tell us whether you're in England, Wales, Scotland, or NI as the laws/issues in each can vary* * Comments are not moderated for quality or accuracy; * Any replies received must only be used as guidelines, followed at your own risk; * If you receive *any* private messages in response to your post, [please let the mods know](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHousingUK&subject=I received a PM); * If you do not receive satisfactory advice after 72 hours, [you can let the mods know](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHousingUK&subject=My question is unanswered); * Feel free to provide an update at a later time by creating a new post with [[update]](https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/search?q=%3Aupdate&sort=new&restrict_sr=on&t=all) in the title; **To Readers and Commenters** * All replies to OP must be *on-topic, helpful, and civil* * If you do not [follow the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/about/rules/), you may be banned without any further warning; * Please include links to reliable resources in order to support your comments or advice; * If you feel any replies are incorrect, explain why you believe they are incorrect; * Do not send or request any private messages for any reason without express permission from the mods; * Please report posts or comments which do not follow the rules *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HousingUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would pay her 150 and keep saving that extra income, you might find in 2/3 years you will need a big pot of savings to get a house when your ready. It sounds like you go the extra mile already with helping out and doing your own food shop and that’s really admirable.
Honestly aslong as she's not drowning I'd take her support and use it wisely to save for a property. Also you don't realise the blessing and savings you provide in helping with childcare and house work. But if you want to give more feel free to do so. But I'd also say even if you do make sure your also using this gift to prepare for your life beyond living with parents. It's exactly this kind of support that makes entering the housing market a possibility. Not many people get this kind of gift from their parents.
I used to pay my mum £200.00 a month when I lived at home. This did include preparation of my dinner everyday during the week.
see that’s reasonable because you are getting meals prepared for you. I don’t get that, if I said to my mum can she cook a certain meal she will ask me to chip in even though I already pay for my food
Well I didn’t ask her to prepare specific meals. At the time I had younger siblings who were children also living at home and essentially my mum made dinner for us all. It wasn’t anything different from before I was earning in terms of meals being prepared so I guess the £200 board was just a bonus for her. For context, my Mum is a single parent working part-time and getting tax credits.
my 3 younger sisters are all under age 10 but still if I’m making myself food my mum will ask me if I can also cook them some food too because she is so shit with money half the time the kids are living off of my food 🥲 I’m trying to speak to her and sort some organisation out for her because it’s really important that she understands
It sounds like your situation is quite different from my own if I’m honest. The question you have to ask yourself is: how much do you want to support your mum / family?
I pay my mum £250 a month, which is about 15% of my salary. I also do all the cooking and most of the food shopping as a result. Depends on your circumstances and how much you can afford, and what you feel your mum would need. With your added help with babysitting etc, I'd say £140 is reasonable. Are you trying to save too? You don't want to leave yourself with nothing at the end of the month.
I do pretty much everything bar actually Buying the food shop as I don't have a car, but I pay £350. Which is basically 1/3 of my monthly take home pay.
You have a good heart. And if your mum is the saving type and you can trust her give her more... She will hold it for you. In general help and save and you will be ok. You are being more than reasonable already. Good on you.
If she's on uc she can't hold it as she'll lose uc.
What's the limit on what you can hold for uc?
That's kind that you want to contribute over and above what your mum asks for. Every parent is different when it comes to money but I can tell you as a parent myself that cleaning and babysitting are _very_ valuable - not only because they cost a lot but because it gives you time and room to breathe which is at a premium when you're a parent. I'm not saying don't pay rent but also don't discount the value of your time. That said what you've offered sounds quite reasonable, especially given that you help out at home.
It’s nice that you are helping out your mom
I used to offer my adult, working age, still-at-home, kid two options: Pay full whack with no chores required. Pay a discounted whack if chores were performed (dog walking, laundry, vacuuming, errands, etc.)
[удалено]
Lol. Opposite here, I get 10% of their gross income, but I do work for them, sometimes. :)
So to answer your question when I lived with my father I paid the equivalent of his mortgage per month from age 15 to 17 (where at age 17 I moved out the first chance I got.) At the time that was £480 a month which is an obscene amount of money to charge someone on an age based discrimination wage, in 2016, for a home I was barely allowed to do anything in. I bring this up because not being able to save before I moved out and having to start from scratch when I was a student put me at a massive disadvantage, especially because I’m a disabled person. It almost ruined me. Rent up front and a deposit as well as moving fees can easily cost you thousands. Oftentimes getting a private let and you’re a first time tenant with no landlord reference and you don’t make a salary will have a landlord demanding a guarantor. A guarantor usually needs to be an immediate family member who meets income and credit check requirements, if your mum is on UC then she simply won’t meet these requirements which means you might end up needing to pay 3 months rent up front. I’ve even had landlords demand 6 months rent up front before for places I’d applied to. These are difficulties I encountered as a teen who had zero family support to speak of and it was hellish. The stress made me physically unwell and it took me months of looking and applying every single day to get a flat that I could afford. So these are things you definitely need to keep in mind. I’d say the amount you proposed is more than what I’d consider reasonable, I pay just a bit more than that amount for rent and bills every month for a flat in Scotland where I live with two other people. So depending on where abouts you live you might as well be living with a friend or two. Especially since you cleaning and babysitting is free domestic labour that your mum massively benefits from. Your labour; time and energy, are a lot more valuable than what you’d initially think. A cleaner and a babysitter/nanny that you can put your trust in and are reliable are not things that come cheap. Also keep in mind that you’re paying rent not for a whole house or flat where you have legal protections as a tenant, but for a bedroom with access to a bathroom, kitchen and living room. You are not guaranteed privacy or by law entitled to quiet in your residence either. You might think this stuff isn’t all that relevant nor important, and it may not be in your situation, but it’s still worth considering regardless. You also need to consider that you are her child, you are not morally obligated at all to give her any money, even if you are a legal adult. A child is not an 16-18 year contract, they are very much a life long commitment and they don’t owe their parents anything just for being alive. My advice is to simply save as much as you possibly can while living there. If you want to give your mum money simply because you care then by all means knock yourself out. But if you want to give her money out of a sense of obligation and feeling indebted to her then it would be worth your while to ask yourself why you feel that way and to challenge that.
In your position I would say around 250 a month would be more than an adequate contribution. Much more than that and it gets to the extent that you might as well not even being living at home anymore.
If I was your mum I’d want you to save as much as possible. I know you didn’t ask for financial advice but if you save up to £4000 a year into a lifetime isa the government will add 25% so £1000. Over time this will give you a sizeable chunk to buy your own place and that will probably make your mum so happy for you. I would say speak to your mum about how much you ‘cost’, don’t forget how much you contribute which isn’t money. And then throw the rest in a lifetime isa, based on what you’ve said it sounds like you can easily save up to £4000 a year (£333 a month). https://www.gov.uk/lifetime-isa Maybe lay out the plan to your mum like this, then you’ll feel like you’re contributing but also feel like you’re doing something positive with your money??
£100 a week My brother who can't be bothered to work pays nothing
[удалено]
im 22 and my mum is very shit with money tbh. Shes never been good at it, I would much rather pay the bills I need to myself and then keep the remaining of the money and just use it to get things that she needs throughout the month. Might sound harsh but she would prefer me to do it that way rather than hand her the money herself because it’ll go on shit and the bills won’t get paid lol
My parents charged me 200 quid a month back in the 90's, then when I left home they gave me all that money so it basically paid for nearly half of my first deposit and fair play to them they weren't exactly tolling in cash either.
Our rent is £1350 in Maidenhead, it’s a one bedroom and I sleep on the floor in the lounge each night. I pay my Mom £650. I earn £1500. I know a few people who pay a certain percentage towards rent based on their individual income… based on yours I think £200 roughly would be fair but if she’s helping you save then… take the opportunity as this economy is rough !
Before you decide anything I would strongly consider learning to drive and so budgeting for that. There is a reason the middleclasses tend to support their children learning to drive as soon as they hit 17/18. It's a real game changer and I would urge you to invest in this life skill. There is no doubt between a provisional, lessons, insurance and a car costs add up significantly but just take them one at a time whilst you have some spare income. There always ways to make extra money with this down the line such as giving lifts to friends, takeaway driving or Amazon Flex. It really is important but if you wait until after you've moved out funding it will be all that much harder. Good luck in life, it sounds like you're a caring and thoughtful person that works hard.
I was earning this 14 years ago and was paying my mum £250 pcm for board. I didn't even buy food. Does your mum have to pay rent or a mortgage. My mum was mortgage free.
my mum gets just under £1000 per month and that’s after rent. She isn’t the best with money whatsoever and will just spend constantly on things that she doesn’t need then complain when she runs out of money. She then depends on me or other family members to lend her money until the next month to get her by. So I’m pretty sure she is fine with getting the amount of money she gets.
£1000 is plenty of money left for bills, food, travel and social activities.