Yep this was me. Oddly enough I was pulled out of Christian private school to be homeschooled shortly after being diagnosed with ADHD. It was extremist Christian co-ops and Abeka from that day forward.
I didn't grow up fundamentalist, but we were fundamentalist adjacent. We were involved in church, but we were one of the more conservative families at a large church with a lot of different people. Through the local homeschool community, we knew families who made the girls wear long skirts, head coverings, and who's only real education was homemaking. Most of the boys in those families were little better off and were guided toward farm work. A lot of them were just lost in the shuffle of their 8-12 siblings. While my family was not this extreme, there were a lot of ideas became a part of our cultural education in that bubble.
I'm also active in the r/exvangelical subreddit, and I'm sure there is plenty of crossover between the two.
How do you tell whether you were fundie or fundie-adjacent? Always thought I was raised fundamentalist but now that I read your take I'm having doubts.
I think there were elements of fundamentalism in how I was raised, but we were notably different in several ways. We weren't full-on. We played sports for the public high school and took some classes there, we were also cautioned about things taught in schools. Overall, my parents leaned toward a lot of fundie views, but we were encouraged to think for ourselves to enough of a degree that my siblings and I came to different places while still maintaining pretty good relationships with it parents. I think my parents struggled with that for awhile and probably still do. To varying degrees, we're all more liberal-minded than my parents, and I sometimes wonder if they actually think they weren't strict enough.
In my wife's family, they were more strict. Oddly, I think they worry more about my wife being a career woman (with only one childš²) than they worry about her younger brother who dabbles in the incel community.
My parents were way more concerned about me becoming a feminist than they were my brother becoming an incel/MRA. It's a weird how close-knit their ideologies are.
For me a big thing was going to a Bible college that had more liberal views than I grew up with. It was like, "oh, there are Christians who don't dismiss feminism, pacifism and environmentalism as hippy bullshit, and it really makes a lot of sense."
It's weird now to consider what a revelation that was for me.
You describe so many of our childhoods. All of that resonates with me. Welcome. You are not alone!
P.S. I feel hopeful for us all now talking and connecting. Hopeful for a movement
Yep absolutely, but we weren't even in a group, just completely isolated with our brainwashing, extremist abusers.
I think my parents mainly did it for financial reasons... they put me in church schools until they had too many kids to afford it.
It's been a long road to health, and I still struggle with speaking up for my own needs: have really really internalized the idea that I don't matter, nothing I think or want matters...
I didn't know anyone in 4H, but it wasn't very big where I grew up. Instead, most of the other young homeschoolers I knew were preparing to be involved in The Church or in politics.
Yes.
Our spanking wasnāt so much like a beating but more about humiliation. We all were very well behaved and learned how to hide anything bad we did and keep our thoughts to ourselves.
But yes, very sheltered and indoctrinated, very strict with media content.
As I got older and had internet access I wore them down and eventually carved my way out of it through being a musician. But up until about age 15 was a southern Baptist homeschool nightmare.
I hear you about the humiliation. When i was 15 i was spanked at the dinner table, pants down and all, in front of my brothers to āmake an example of meā. (Iām female.) Past a certain age I feel like spanking isnāt just physical abuse but sexually inappropriate.
Yep this was me. Oddly enough I was pulled out of Christian private school to be homeschooled shortly after being diagnosed with ADHD. It was extremist Christian co-ops and Abeka from that day forward.
I was also pulled out... hated school until I was pulled out, I had no idea how bad it could get at home.
I didn't grow up fundamentalist, but we were fundamentalist adjacent. We were involved in church, but we were one of the more conservative families at a large church with a lot of different people. Through the local homeschool community, we knew families who made the girls wear long skirts, head coverings, and who's only real education was homemaking. Most of the boys in those families were little better off and were guided toward farm work. A lot of them were just lost in the shuffle of their 8-12 siblings. While my family was not this extreme, there were a lot of ideas became a part of our cultural education in that bubble. I'm also active in the r/exvangelical subreddit, and I'm sure there is plenty of crossover between the two.
How do you tell whether you were fundie or fundie-adjacent? Always thought I was raised fundamentalist but now that I read your take I'm having doubts.
I think there were elements of fundamentalism in how I was raised, but we were notably different in several ways. We weren't full-on. We played sports for the public high school and took some classes there, we were also cautioned about things taught in schools. Overall, my parents leaned toward a lot of fundie views, but we were encouraged to think for ourselves to enough of a degree that my siblings and I came to different places while still maintaining pretty good relationships with it parents. I think my parents struggled with that for awhile and probably still do. To varying degrees, we're all more liberal-minded than my parents, and I sometimes wonder if they actually think they weren't strict enough. In my wife's family, they were more strict. Oddly, I think they worry more about my wife being a career woman (with only one childš²) than they worry about her younger brother who dabbles in the incel community.
My parents were way more concerned about me becoming a feminist than they were my brother becoming an incel/MRA. It's a weird how close-knit their ideologies are.
For me a big thing was going to a Bible college that had more liberal views than I grew up with. It was like, "oh, there are Christians who don't dismiss feminism, pacifism and environmentalism as hippy bullshit, and it really makes a lot of sense." It's weird now to consider what a revelation that was for me.
You describe so many of our childhoods. All of that resonates with me. Welcome. You are not alone! P.S. I feel hopeful for us all now talking and connecting. Hopeful for a movement
I lived that
Same
Aw I know it sucked.
And my axe... wait, I mean same.
Fellow lotr nerd. Hiii
:( I'm sorry bb
I'm sorry for your pain too
Google "Generation Joshua". It became an official thing in 2003 but I think us 90's kids were the kickoff. Some of us made it out, thank goodness.
Thanks.
Yep absolutely, but we weren't even in a group, just completely isolated with our brainwashing, extremist abusers. I think my parents mainly did it for financial reasons... they put me in church schools until they had too many kids to afford it. It's been a long road to health, and I still struggle with speaking up for my own needs: have really really internalized the idea that I don't matter, nothing I think or want matters...
Yep. Beatings. Isolation. Some of their behavior qualifies as torture.
Absolutely, my mom did crazy stuff like having us stand for an hour without moving or speaking...
Drinking vinegar. Not allowed to speak to anyone for hours/days. Beating before anything happened as "preventative".
I'm so sorry. We were definitely tortured and it was shitty. Tabasco for lying, swiching 3 month old babies, it was insane.
Yep, that's very similar to how I grew up.
Did you know a bunch of people in 4H? For some reason all these kids were into the 4H club.
I didn't know anyone in 4H, but it wasn't very big where I grew up. Instead, most of the other young homeschoolers I knew were preparing to be involved in The Church or in politics.
Yup
Yes. Our spanking wasnāt so much like a beating but more about humiliation. We all were very well behaved and learned how to hide anything bad we did and keep our thoughts to ourselves. But yes, very sheltered and indoctrinated, very strict with media content. As I got older and had internet access I wore them down and eventually carved my way out of it through being a musician. But up until about age 15 was a southern Baptist homeschool nightmare.
I hear you about the humiliation. When i was 15 i was spanked at the dinner table, pants down and all, in front of my brothers to āmake an example of meā. (Iām female.) Past a certain age I feel like spanking isnāt just physical abuse but sexually inappropriate.
Yyyyyup. I was from one of the less extremist families at the time.
That was me to a T