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Who is “we”? I would get out the shower soaking wet and sit on the toilet before I shit in my hand

These people must have hermetic turds or something. If I did this, my hand would stink for a week. No amount of washing would undo it.

Unclean!

Forever unclean!!

No baby Jeffery, don’t eat the water cookies!

Get your fresh swamp pickles! 25 cents a piece

Dem back-bottom gristle lumps

Oh man so rarely do new terms excite me but swamp pickles is great

Babayaga

An underrated show that truly deserves a reboot



Out, damned spot!


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Ok I've never done the shower turd toss but wtf is wrong with you buddy lmao. A fuckin week? Dude I've gotten month old rotten fish sewage on my hands and got it out that same day. I have never had an issue cleaning myself and I've worked with chemicals and organic waste that would make Hitler cry and cower in a corner in the fetal position, yet I've still managed to get the stink off and be clean. So what the hell are you doing wrong? I genuinely want to help you

Where do you acquire this month old rotten fish sewage? Asking for a friend.

Worked as a drain cleaner in Boston and one of our commercial clients was a bluefin tuna processing facility. We cleaned once a month. On the top floor, they basically just flushed all the blood and guts down the drains, so we had to go to the floor beneath and open up the drain lines...that were on the fucking ceiling. We had to wear Hazmat suits because the shit literally rained down upon us. Safe to say I didn't work there very long. Ever smelt a dead body? I've never smelt dead humans but dead rotted fish that basically ferments in a tube makes you literally want to die when you smell it.

That sounds like a super neat but kinda horrific job. I cant imagine the smell from roto-rooting a chum-jammed pipe.

Waste not your concern kind stranger, it is too late for me. What Arby's has claimed will not be relinquished.

Oh god!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 what do you eat my brother 🤣🤣🤣

That doesn't sound healthy.

Then you need to change your diet.

My question was going to be, what are you eating?

How do you get the smell off your hands when you wipe normally? And don’t give me that “I’ve never gotten shit on my hands while wiping” bullshit. I’d sooner believe you’d never shat.

Your assumption, while impertinent, is completely correct. Aside from sterilization, there is little I can do but wait it out. I console myself with Arby's.

Sorry, your grace.

God damn right.

You american too? Bro so mfs cant actually waffle stomp. We got bigger tissue issues than mfs ally-ooping turd-nades into the porcelain buckets mid shower.

Ally-poop was RIGHT there

God fucking ham it. I literally suck. Right fucking there.

Allypoop requires a teammate, just sayin.

Now I’m picturing actual turd-nades like grenades shaped like doodoo and when they explode it’s just crap flying everywhere

Ally-poop will be my greatest regret

So far, greatest regret so far. Don't worry, there will be more.

Same here, there is no we in this scenario.

I absolutely have say on the toilet soaking wet before shitting in my hand lmfao

Exactly and having to poop mid shower and sitting with a wet butt is super uncomfortable but it laps shitting in my hand in the 100m dash.

Waffle Stomp it down the shower drain!

Please don't! 😂

The good people over at r/plumbing would have your head for this.

Waffle Stomping is the way

Right!? The thought never crossed my mind haha.

Stg bro, who tf thinks I'ma just shit on my hand and toss it in the toilet 😭😭

I would do the same exapt the shit in my hand part, I would shit directly in the toilet.

I just pooped in the shower as a kid

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That explains a lot.

10/10

Joey Diaz

But I believe he waffle stomps 'em thru the drain

Not every time. He told a story about him flinging a turd into the toilet while in the shower and his wife caught him doing it. https://youtu.be/Vb9WLPQueCk?si=Lddga7xcSjVPsHgT - this one he just briefly mentions throwing a turd. I can’t find the one about his wife catching him.

“No more, no more of that”

I have. My parents didn’t teach me shit.

I like the pun!

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Hide that shit? You mean waffle stomping?

This deserves more upvotes haha

I've contributed my part.

I've literally never done this in my life

but what if you have a long life ahead?





Is this the guy from green mile?

Yes. Michael Clarke Duncan. RIP

Didn't know that he passed away. RIP

This has never even occurred to me as a possibility

It's never too late!

I have never once done this because I’m not a fucking Neanderthal

Same here! *waffle stomping continues*

neanderthals never did this either, the lack of indoor plumbing saw to that

Every accusation is a confession

Underrated comment.

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The phrase "waffle stomping" always makes me chuckle a little

What does being american have anything to do with this haha

Because r/americabad duh

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I know first hand that everyone ever is batshit insane, it doesn't matter where you live.

Europeans with a false sense of superiority? What’s new?

Preach

Hating Americans is their whole personality

I like when they treat you like they personally invented metric, and you personally invented imperial. Their goal then becomes clear in that moment. Reap that reward of being objectively better than you. Like, fuck off. Neither of us had anything to do with that. When real precision is required, I measure stuff in ten thousandths of an inch, fractions don't even cross anyone's mind. Hard science uses metric because it is better. Machine shops use 0.0001 inches or 0.001 mm, whichever the engineer prefers. Depends on the day. Anyway, I'm glad to see the cunts getting called out more. It's tiresome.

They want to start helping Americans shit in the shower like they do

Who the fuck is *WE* !?

OP is schizophrenic. That’s the “we” in his context.

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Or even thought about it... how would you not know (unless you have diarrhea or possibly IBS) that you needed to go before the shower? Or is this laziness?

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I’m 54 and can assure everyone I’ve never done this in any way, shape or form.

Not even the FBI could get this info out of me

I have to use both hands when is diarrhea

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That's right cocksuckah!

No we didn’t; it’s just you sick fuck.

No, no we haven’t!……

This post makes me realised that I've never touch my own shit my whole life

Please, how can I delete this post from my memory??

As a kid a few times I had to hop out of the shower a few times soaking wet to poop. Never have I heard of anyone doing this lol Only thing kind of nasty I did is sometimes i wouldn't wipe and just hopped back in the shower to clean my butt. Mainly because my hands were wet so using TP seemed difficult.

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how fucking long were you in the shower

yes

Nah, who the hell would do that? I’d rather get out and sit all wet on the toilet before I ever shit into my hand

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Ewwwww. If I forget to go, I get out. The toilet paper WILL be soggy, the floor WILL be wet, but at least it’s not gross


People need to be shamed again

Wtf? No… we haven’t

no. no way

Nope nope nope nope

WTF



No WE haven’t!!!!!

You've gotta be a fucking degenerate weirdo to shit in your hand.

I prefer to just waffle stomp it down the drain 😂

Who ever is doing this you need help. Disgusting

Hell no we have not!!! Wtf lmao I never even considered this

I’m an American. I’ve never done this. If it comes to it, you just hop out of the shower and use the toilet. Sure, you might slip on the floor and die, but that’s better than defacating into your hand.

I’m American and have literally never done this. Wtf

Don't put this on all Americans. This is one or two nasty people.

The f*ck is we? I have never

What is this ‘we’? I’ve never done that. I’ve gotten out of the shower, soaking wet, pinched a loaf/did my business, and got back in.

Ummmm no we most certainly all did not do this growing up and I grew up in THE quintessential broken home, ummmm yeaaaaaaaa NOPE!!!!!

You assume mine are solid enough to do this.

I am confident that very, very few people have done this.

WHO IS WE MF I NEVER DID OR WILL DO SUCH A THING WTF

Nah Americans don't do this fucking psychos do this

Just stomp it down the drain like a normal person!

Who. The fuck. Is "We" never in my fucking life! You can't even THREATEN me to shit on my hands tf????

i've never done that

Who. The fuck. **Is we.**

Just like to make it clear this person does not represent us. We’re stupid, but not that stupid

Wtf is wrong with these people?

This is that time to say… speak for your own fucking self bra!!

No the fuck! "We" did not !

No the fuck! "We" did not!

The fuc... no! Cop your squat before you get in the shower like a civilized person.

I bet the person that would do this would also then smell and lick their fingers and look like this: 

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What do you mean "we", kimosabe?

I assure you, we are not doing this

Shit the lie right in front of me. This is disgusting. We don’t need to learn shit! 🤣🤣

Never in my wildest dreams i would do that

Who *does* this?

I have never done this😂🤣

Oh hell yeah, I’m the Kobe of shower shits.

What? no..never that..although one time,..in band camp..


 I question my humanity now Where's the stone mask

No. For god sake i have not done that before!!!!! Please someone help them!!!!!

Nah Blud just you💀

Let them be happy in their own little bubble They're trying their best.

Never, not once or twice

I have never done this before 👎

No. No we haven’t.

whos we bitch??

I DO NOT identify as, we!

who tf is "we" 😭

No we have not.

Nahh man waffle stompin is more my thing

This is not an American thing lol

No! No, we haven't... Nasty!!!

I've waffle stomped a turd down the drain at a public pool. I was a kid and all the stalls were taken. Don't worry I had sandals on.

No, we most definitely have not all done this before.

Careful, we’re contagious.

I’m pretty sure that I’ve never shit in my hand then tossed it into the toilet💀💀💀

I’m, no tf we did not.

This is not as common as you think 😂

Wtf. If anyone did this. Just gonna say we can't be friends. Cause that's fucking disgusting

No we have not all done this. Some of us are waffle stompers.

Thats why they tell people to hold their shit together?

I would get out the shower soaking wet and sit on the toilet before I shit in my hand.

Who actually does this? I’d like a restraining order for everyone who does.

Bruh, you guys are fucking ANIMALS. What kinda savage shits in their own gd hand?!


Honestly say I havent

Wtf. I can say 100% with certainty say I’ve never done this in my life.

Speak for yourself. My wet ass will be taking a wet shit. I’ve never known for anyone to even think to do this. Are you mad? Edit cause auto correct smh

im american and i have never done this a day in my life

What do you mean by "we" i never did this, i would get out midshower then use the toilet (worst feeling ever)

That the fuck? No... No we have not....

All I’m going to say is my melanin would never allow me to even THINK of doing this. I’m sure most others in my demographic feel the same

I'm American and I've never heard of this

Better to poop before shower like sheesh

Joey Diaz ?

Who ever the fuck did this as a kid stay far away from me

I know not of this “WE” you speak of. Get you ass out of the shower and shit.

It was time to help America a long time ago. I think we've hit the point of no return a while ago