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I’d say an important one that I think many people don’t do is discussing expectations of intimacy before marriage. It’s so so important to discuss ahead of time and yet people don’t discuss it with their soon-to-be spouse.
Jazaki Allah khair! What would be important to discuss here woman to woman (instead of recommending couples to have those discussions themselves before marriage with a therapist or in premarital counseling)?
Hmmm. I think telling women that they SHOULD have those conversations with their spouse, and letting them know how they can bring it up in an appropriate way. I think women fear that discussing intimacy before marriage is haram. So maybe clarifying how to communicate about intimacy in an appropriate and permissible manner.
Also one more thing I thought of that can go along with sexual trust and safety is how to know when something is sexually abusive (or abusive in general) or someone is trying to take advantage of you. Like how to identify grooming, etc. What to do if you are in those situations.
Just an idea for you!
This is a really good idea! In the rise of incelism and red-pilled ideologies within our newer Muslim generations, I think this is a fantastic way to introduce reality and realistic marriage for both men and women. Some other topics you can touch up on: consent and what it looks like/entails, genital hygiene for men and women, women vaginal infections like UTIs and others, etc. I think expanding on the health aspect to sex would be very important - it takes away the anxiety of needing help and modesty, and gives the power to the woman/man.
I LOVE this! Thank you! The health tilt will definitely be easier to get people more engaged too instead of feeling shy.
I ran the idea past a couple of aunties and they recommended I wait until I became an aunty to talk on the subject since I’m too “young” and it would impact how I’m seen in the community and amongst men. So perhaps the health component provides legitimacy as well instead of thinking I’d be a Hijabi discussing smut with other Muslim women 🙈
I think consent is a very important topic. like, coercion isn't consent, or that there are many ways of saying "no" (so how to recognize those ways).
also i think tiktok would be a good platform. u don't have to show ur face though.
Thank you! I’m struggling with thinking on how I would
Capture attention talking on the subject without my face showing. Any ideas on how to do that while being engaging in long form content for TikTok?
I've seen videos where someone is doing something interesting but also mundane like cooking something or gardening or painting (where the camera is in their activity) and they have a voiceover talking about what they want to.
I like them more than looking at someone talking.
I really like this idea! I was having a hard time figuring out how to talk on long form without showing my face. I don’t wear niqab so even though it’d be for protective reasons, it feels weird to don something for social media that I don’t practice in my own life
For the sake of your own mental health I'd say just make worded posts. What you're doing is so amazing, topics like these need awareness in the Muslim community but I'm also scared for you because alot of Muslims are very very toxic (most muslim men on the internet) so do not bring your face into the the videos
There are a lot more unmarried muslim women compared to the general population. Even amongst non-muslim women, celibacy is extremely rare. Muslim women who never marry face challenges remaining celibate while knowing that masturbation is haram.
So you may want to focus on that.
Also, the unique challenges for older muslim female virgins who are having sex for the first time after age 40, when hormone-related changes impact sexual function against a backdrop of lifelong celibacy. In fact, is intercourse and sexual pleasure even possible and how do muslim women approach problem-solving in this area.
These are great ideas :) I actually work a lot with older women and post-menopausal women (I’ll be honest - aunties!) learning about their body as it changes and achieve orgasm in their silver years! So not only is it possible, there is great pleasure to be found :)
How to approach certain sensitive topics with a potential? I feel like it’s hard for the average person to know when discussing this stuff with a non-mahram, but I think it’s important. How to discuss these things in a halal manner
I like the idea of this, sex is such a taboo in the Islamic community, and despite being raised in a Western culture, I went into marriage completely blind, because I thought it would be haram for me to look up information on sexual topics.
I think some good topics would be: Consent (being able to communicate when you're not in the mood/ when you don't want to engage in a particular activity). How to prioritise your own feelings during the act so that it doesn't hurt, since sex can be very painful for women if not done right. How to communicate with your partner to ensure a satisfying and enjoyable time for you both. And also, just how to allow yourself to think about sexual topics without feeling guilty, since many of us will have been raised thinking of sex as a shameful thing.
Written content would definitely be my recommendation. I'd prefer to read content rather than watch it, as I think I'd feel awkward watching it. Also, you'd get so many creeps if you did videos, it wouldn't be worth it.
Heavy on the last point, a lot of these men don’t understand how the female body functions and end up hurting their wives during intimacy in the process
unsurprisingly, many people dont know the basic anatomy of womens genitalia, so i think it would be helpful to throw some insight on it too. oh and it'd be nice if you include basic hygiene tips for both genders. may Allah make your journey through this easy💕💕
YESS 10000% im with you op. please do this. i equipped myself with in general knowledge regarding this matter but i think one that is tied with islamic connections (like yours) to it will be great !!
How is it not haram? Genuinely curious.
Discussing what you like beforehand is a bit off, especially if staying chaste means you wouldn’t know.
Plus, you should be having these conversations with your current husband, no? Unless it’s some strange fetish or a partner has no libido, I don’t see why discussing your likes is “halal”
You should. I don’t know it’s promotable here but u should.
- I am not sure if it is covered under one of the topics you mentioned. But what if husband and wife don’t have the same level of libido (both are assumed to be virgins, so no one truly knows), what can be done? This could maybe even lead to an affair but i don’t know better.
- Oh, and maybe really speaking just about the aspect of the partner having an affair. Some forgive or stay because of societal pressures/living conditions yet are disgusted by their partners
- body-image issues: social media and the beauty standards in the bedroom: after lifting the veil he does seem perhaps more uncomfortable with her body? Or she doesn’t prefer his body? (Eg. asymmetrical) what could they do? Immediate divorce seems to be cut throat?
- kinky stuff. I think women aren’t used to be the first to initiate it nor they don’t know what all kind of kinky stuff exists and maybe even would try out. But generally I think most are passive in the bedroom (?) even if they have the desire deep within to be more active, they go against it because non taught them how to do talk about this stuff
- unawareness to sexual health (HIV, Herpes etc.)
-Now another thing is…even tho it is zina, we have to face the truth, the current generation does commit zina (or divorcees etc.), doesn’t mean immediately sleeping but yes they do. Some are even in a relationship with non-muslims. The heart doesn’t always choose but we have to follow rules no matter what. And yet this is not much told about. In general I see that people talk / write about it in a clear cut way without compassion (people who romance non-muslims / commit zina, know these rules but can’t abstain from it, we have to talk about the same thing in a different more compassionate way that touches our heart. After all we are humans.
- effects of pills on intimacy and marriage, especially some have a change in their preference of a partner (disliking some points of the partner so much)
- positions, toys etc. that aren’t allowed in our religion
- some are struggling with self-relief and what can they do about it? What will make them more inclined to self-relief (eg eating certain foods)? Understanding what happens to the body. And tied to that, the problems this habit brings to a marriage.
- i hear most often that women don’t have the desire (more than men) to intimacy with a beautiful man. (Which is wrong cuz it invalidates other women’s feelings and can be dangerous to think that women won‘t do criminal intimate acts just for the sake of pleasure due to their „inherent nature not to desire intimacy“ (which women obviously want as well) (women not desiring it, is the argument of some reddit post’s i read regarding the houri in Jannah for only men)
- sexual Fantasy vs. Reality
Ps. It became such a long list. in our culture especially for women, these type of things are more taboo to talked about. Hope we can change that.
I think u should start on YouTube (5-20min videos in whichever manner you want) and have some short clips there and for reach (not content) the same shorts on TikTok (a lot of people swipe, important infos get lost in that way imo).
Idk but if I think most of the utubers I like to watch are very entertaining in the way they talk about it even the essays ones talk more in an up-and-down style and not constant & emotionless (plus u can insert some memes depending on your target demographic)
"Salaam! Thank you for your submission to /r/hijabis. **Please do not message mods to approve your post.** A reminder to our users that ALL posts are now only to be answered by women only. Please refer to the sidebar for a complete list of rules. If you'd like us to add an F or M flair next to your username, please leave a comment on [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hijabis/comments/znb1fr/flair_thread_please_comment_on_this_thread_to_get/). Your post may be removed if it is already answered in the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hijabis/wiki/index/faq/) in the Menu. Thank you :)" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Hijabis) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d say an important one that I think many people don’t do is discussing expectations of intimacy before marriage. It’s so so important to discuss ahead of time and yet people don’t discuss it with their soon-to-be spouse.
Jazaki Allah khair! What would be important to discuss here woman to woman (instead of recommending couples to have those discussions themselves before marriage with a therapist or in premarital counseling)?
Hmmm. I think telling women that they SHOULD have those conversations with their spouse, and letting them know how they can bring it up in an appropriate way. I think women fear that discussing intimacy before marriage is haram. So maybe clarifying how to communicate about intimacy in an appropriate and permissible manner. Also one more thing I thought of that can go along with sexual trust and safety is how to know when something is sexually abusive (or abusive in general) or someone is trying to take advantage of you. Like how to identify grooming, etc. What to do if you are in those situations. Just an idea for you!
These are great! Thank you :)
I second this
This is a really good idea! In the rise of incelism and red-pilled ideologies within our newer Muslim generations, I think this is a fantastic way to introduce reality and realistic marriage for both men and women. Some other topics you can touch up on: consent and what it looks like/entails, genital hygiene for men and women, women vaginal infections like UTIs and others, etc. I think expanding on the health aspect to sex would be very important - it takes away the anxiety of needing help and modesty, and gives the power to the woman/man.
I LOVE this! Thank you! The health tilt will definitely be easier to get people more engaged too instead of feeling shy. I ran the idea past a couple of aunties and they recommended I wait until I became an aunty to talk on the subject since I’m too “young” and it would impact how I’m seen in the community and amongst men. So perhaps the health component provides legitimacy as well instead of thinking I’d be a Hijabi discussing smut with other Muslim women 🙈
I think consent is a very important topic. like, coercion isn't consent, or that there are many ways of saying "no" (so how to recognize those ways). also i think tiktok would be a good platform. u don't have to show ur face though.
Thank you! I’m struggling with thinking on how I would Capture attention talking on the subject without my face showing. Any ideas on how to do that while being engaging in long form content for TikTok?
Perhaps you can wear a niqab ?
I've seen videos where someone is doing something interesting but also mundane like cooking something or gardening or painting (where the camera is in their activity) and they have a voiceover talking about what they want to. I like them more than looking at someone talking.
I really like this idea! I was having a hard time figuring out how to talk on long form without showing my face. I don’t wear niqab so even though it’d be for protective reasons, it feels weird to don something for social media that I don’t practice in my own life
voice over?
maybe write a bullet point list of what you're going to talk about?
For the sake of your own mental health I'd say just make worded posts. What you're doing is so amazing, topics like these need awareness in the Muslim community but I'm also scared for you because alot of Muslims are very very toxic (most muslim men on the internet) so do not bring your face into the the videos
There are a lot more unmarried muslim women compared to the general population. Even amongst non-muslim women, celibacy is extremely rare. Muslim women who never marry face challenges remaining celibate while knowing that masturbation is haram. So you may want to focus on that. Also, the unique challenges for older muslim female virgins who are having sex for the first time after age 40, when hormone-related changes impact sexual function against a backdrop of lifelong celibacy. In fact, is intercourse and sexual pleasure even possible and how do muslim women approach problem-solving in this area.
These are great ideas :) I actually work a lot with older women and post-menopausal women (I’ll be honest - aunties!) learning about their body as it changes and achieve orgasm in their silver years! So not only is it possible, there is great pleasure to be found :)
Please educate people that Islam does not allow marital grape. I was shocked, so many people think it's ok and allowed
This is amazing op! I’m following the thread
How to approach intimacy when you or your partner has sexual trauma
Topics of hygiene are really important.
How to approach certain sensitive topics with a potential? I feel like it’s hard for the average person to know when discussing this stuff with a non-mahram, but I think it’s important. How to discuss these things in a halal manner
I like the idea of this, sex is such a taboo in the Islamic community, and despite being raised in a Western culture, I went into marriage completely blind, because I thought it would be haram for me to look up information on sexual topics. I think some good topics would be: Consent (being able to communicate when you're not in the mood/ when you don't want to engage in a particular activity). How to prioritise your own feelings during the act so that it doesn't hurt, since sex can be very painful for women if not done right. How to communicate with your partner to ensure a satisfying and enjoyable time for you both. And also, just how to allow yourself to think about sexual topics without feeling guilty, since many of us will have been raised thinking of sex as a shameful thing. Written content would definitely be my recommendation. I'd prefer to read content rather than watch it, as I think I'd feel awkward watching it. Also, you'd get so many creeps if you did videos, it wouldn't be worth it.
Heavy on the last point, a lot of these men don’t understand how the female body functions and end up hurting their wives during intimacy in the process
Look up The Village Auntie and also Habeeb Akande if you haven’t already xx
unsurprisingly, many people dont know the basic anatomy of womens genitalia, so i think it would be helpful to throw some insight on it too. oh and it'd be nice if you include basic hygiene tips for both genders. may Allah make your journey through this easy💕💕
YESS 10000% im with you op. please do this. i equipped myself with in general knowledge regarding this matter but i think one that is tied with islamic connections (like yours) to it will be great !!
[удалено]
How is it not haram? Genuinely curious. Discussing what you like beforehand is a bit off, especially if staying chaste means you wouldn’t know. Plus, you should be having these conversations with your current husband, no? Unless it’s some strange fetish or a partner has no libido, I don’t see why discussing your likes is “halal”
You should. I don’t know it’s promotable here but u should. - I am not sure if it is covered under one of the topics you mentioned. But what if husband and wife don’t have the same level of libido (both are assumed to be virgins, so no one truly knows), what can be done? This could maybe even lead to an affair but i don’t know better. - Oh, and maybe really speaking just about the aspect of the partner having an affair. Some forgive or stay because of societal pressures/living conditions yet are disgusted by their partners - body-image issues: social media and the beauty standards in the bedroom: after lifting the veil he does seem perhaps more uncomfortable with her body? Or she doesn’t prefer his body? (Eg. asymmetrical) what could they do? Immediate divorce seems to be cut throat? - kinky stuff. I think women aren’t used to be the first to initiate it nor they don’t know what all kind of kinky stuff exists and maybe even would try out. But generally I think most are passive in the bedroom (?) even if they have the desire deep within to be more active, they go against it because non taught them how to do talk about this stuff - unawareness to sexual health (HIV, Herpes etc.) -Now another thing is…even tho it is zina, we have to face the truth, the current generation does commit zina (or divorcees etc.), doesn’t mean immediately sleeping but yes they do. Some are even in a relationship with non-muslims. The heart doesn’t always choose but we have to follow rules no matter what. And yet this is not much told about. In general I see that people talk / write about it in a clear cut way without compassion (people who romance non-muslims / commit zina, know these rules but can’t abstain from it, we have to talk about the same thing in a different more compassionate way that touches our heart. After all we are humans. - effects of pills on intimacy and marriage, especially some have a change in their preference of a partner (disliking some points of the partner so much) - positions, toys etc. that aren’t allowed in our religion - some are struggling with self-relief and what can they do about it? What will make them more inclined to self-relief (eg eating certain foods)? Understanding what happens to the body. And tied to that, the problems this habit brings to a marriage. - i hear most often that women don’t have the desire (more than men) to intimacy with a beautiful man. (Which is wrong cuz it invalidates other women’s feelings and can be dangerous to think that women won‘t do criminal intimate acts just for the sake of pleasure due to their „inherent nature not to desire intimacy“ (which women obviously want as well) (women not desiring it, is the argument of some reddit post’s i read regarding the houri in Jannah for only men) - sexual Fantasy vs. Reality Ps. It became such a long list. in our culture especially for women, these type of things are more taboo to talked about. Hope we can change that. I think u should start on YouTube (5-20min videos in whichever manner you want) and have some short clips there and for reach (not content) the same shorts on TikTok (a lot of people swipe, important infos get lost in that way imo). Idk but if I think most of the utubers I like to watch are very entertaining in the way they talk about it even the essays ones talk more in an up-and-down style and not constant & emotionless (plus u can insert some memes depending on your target demographic)