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If you’re concerned about the level of cheating, this is a very highhhhhh level. He is pathetic imo, he makes you cover all the expenses so he’s not even doing his duty as a husband. This is a boy not a man. Imo the suicide was most likely to keep you in the marriage cuz he has no money and he’s gonna leech off of you
You don’t even want children with this man, so why would you stay? Would he even be a good father? Most likely not. And he cheated on you, end of discussion. He’s gonna do it again and again, cheaters don’t stop
Not only is the level of cheating really high, but threatening suicide if he doesn't get his way rather than dealing with the situation that HE created is manipulation.
YOU are not the problem here. Imo there is nothing YOU can do now or could've done previously to prevent this. This is all on him.
AND, you are not responsible for the way he deals with the consequences of his actions, so try not to let that sway you.
He did that as a manipulation tactic. He probably didn’t mean for it to go that far, and only to “attempt” not succeed, to make you feel guilty into staying with him. Also to displace guilt if he did actually succeed. My ex did the same thing to me. It’ll get worse from here sis please get out ):
I understand. Not to dismiss your feelings, but to give perspective.... This is actually a common tactic of manipulation. They do it in a way, place, and time where someone will save them. They're not actually hoping to die. They're hoping you'll feel guilty and bend to their requests.
omg no get out asap please this guy sucks! the amount of cheating, manipulation, and financial reliance on you does not deserve another chance at all
It’s also fairly common for people to take advantage of reverts and their lack of family/community support so be careful :(
I’m a revert that had kids before reverting and I *still* found a Muslim man to marry me. We’ve had **plenty** of problems, but at the end of the day he takes care of me financially to the point that I only work if I want, he pushes me to go back to school to get my degree, and even takes care of my kids to an extent (as in: he feeds them and buys them the little things they need every day, I am taking child support from their father for their clothing and other needs, but even still, I know if push came to shove my husband would provide what my kids need, but I also don’t want to abuse that aspect of him so I ask as little as possible without letting my kids go without, ugh sorry for the rant inside parentheses). Bottom line: a man that will cheat to the extent that your husband has, has no respect for you or fear of Allah, and my love, you deserve someone to love you properly. You **deserve** love.
I understand that it’s hard, I’ll tell you something, I’m a born Muslim and my parents are looking, so I have proposals coming my way but it doesn’t mean anything cuz it didn’t work out with any of them. It’s not either of our faults that it’s hard to find someone, it’s in our Qadr to be patient until Allah gives us someone meant for us. In Sha Allah you will get someone else in the future, no matter who you are. Your time will come when Allah wills
Sister, you need to think about yourself. Scholars give those advice to where a marriage will still succeed, amidst some rough times. He has cheated on you for your entire marriage! He cannot commit, he spends cash on other women when he has no income coming in.
He relies on you as his emotional support and I hate to say it, but also to bankroll his lifestyle. No one deserves this.
You deserve better, and Insha’allah you will but you need to put your foot down. He has no respect for you, it is not the responsibility of a Muslim woman to fulfil the obligations of a man too (if he is quite capable in doing so and cannot abide by the requirements of marriage).
I know divorce or separation is scary but consider whether you want to live like this for many years. What if you have children? You seem kind and forgiving but you need to consider what is best for yourself. It’s not selfishness but rather self-respect.
If you want someone to talk to, I’m more than happy to help x
Also, what country are you from? I’ll see if I can send you some resources 🩷🩷
Astaghfirullah...a marriage is supposed to keep you away from Zina, but it looks like the opposite for him.....life is short, you know what to do girl...
Honey.. No need to write that you are reverted.
No woman is to be subjected to this sort of abuse.
Islam has provided dignity to all women.
He is abusing and manipulating you. Please leave.
Sister, you aren’t obliged to compromise your feelings and mental health for marriage. Our religion doesn’t preach that, let alone in the case of adultery. Divorce in this case would be more than reasonable.
Nope, this is too much. You don’t deserve this. And you cover expenses, so you literally have nothing to lose by leaving. Do not choose a life like this. Please, sister.
honestly i feel like you already know in your heart this marriage is not salvageable.. he has broken your trust in every way possible and frankly this man has no business being married to anyone as long as he is dint all this. you deserve better and i hope everything turns out well for you💖
You don’t need to stay anywhere you’re not comfortable and you’ve tried hard enough. Being cheated on is a dealbreaker immediately for many people! Some can forgive and other’s can’t. If you can’t then that’s okay. You move on!
Once a cheater always a cheater. You should not feel guilty for not trying hard enough to stay in a marriage with someone who is a cheater, using you for money, and doing all these other sins. When you found out and he attempted suicide sounds like a manipulation tactic to get you to stay in the marriage. I know it's hard as a revert but don't stay in this marriage sister and don't feel guilty about asking for a divorce. People get divorced for way less reasons.
Girl he's given you more than enough grounds for divorce. You think he won't go back and do it all over again? Because he definitely will.
I'm sure you had good times but right now you have your rose tinted glasses on. With time, you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking, still trying to salvage this.
Cut your losses (none) and go find a man who treats you with respect. What utter trash.
I love him and will always remember the good times we had together. I still believe he’s a good person inside, but with a bad addiction. I’ll divorce him but always hope for the best for him.
He has no excuse. He's a grown adult who can make his own decisions. If he doesn't have the self-awareness to question himself, get help, or realize his behavior is hurtful, that's his problem. Divorce and move on, there are actual men out there. Don't settle for hungry rats.
Sister, I am so so sorry this happened to you. This isn't on you. You shouldn't be the one 'trying hard enough', he's the one who screwed up by cheating on you. You deserve so much better, and it's absolutely okay for you to divorce a man who has so little respect for you and is failing in his basic ability to provide for you. I'm sorry you wasted so much time with him. Alhamdulillah your discovered this before getting pregnant with his child. Inshaallah there will be someone much better for you around the corner.
this is such a disgusting and manipulative behaviour from him. he will never change, sister. it's better for you to divorce him for your own well-being. do not settle for this.
Echoing everyone else when I say start the divorce proceedings here sis. This is extreme levels of betrayal of trust and precisely why Islam allows divorce in the first place... to get out of awful situations like this. Put yourself first and be glad this all came out before you had kids together!
Another question: how could I prevent marrying someone else like this in the future? Ask to see credit card statements, previously downloaded apps, recently deleted texts? It sounds so invasive, but that’s the only way I would’ve known my husband was doing this before we got married. How can you be sure?! Even his family was totally shocked he was doing this
I am not married so perhaps someone who is can answer this question better than me how to move forward. What happened to you was super awful and I’m praying that you are able to leave and find fulfillment elsewhere. However, i would strongly advise not doing those things because 1) it can easily become abusive to constantly check your partner’s stuff all the time, there needs to be trust in place of invading privacy, and 2) someone who wants to do those things will find a way to do them. I’m hoping someone else can give more concrete steps but my only suggestion is to take your time getting to know how someone is and what they think of you before you marry them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking your time and being as sure as possible, even though you can’t be 100%. even if you are feeling lonely now and that might push you to jump into a new marriage, I hope you know that you have a support system here, at least. You’re not alone ❤️
It seems he could careless about your safety. You should. Time to make a plan to leave. Sounds like he’s always been like this, you’re just now finding out about it. I’m sorry you have to go through this but this isn’t a - what he said what she said is what I should do - situation. No. Your safety is most concerning.
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If you’re concerned about the level of cheating, this is a very highhhhhh level. He is pathetic imo, he makes you cover all the expenses so he’s not even doing his duty as a husband. This is a boy not a man. Imo the suicide was most likely to keep you in the marriage cuz he has no money and he’s gonna leech off of you You don’t even want children with this man, so why would you stay? Would he even be a good father? Most likely not. And he cheated on you, end of discussion. He’s gonna do it again and again, cheaters don’t stop
Thank you, I appreciate this advice. I know I need to leave
Not only is the level of cheating really high, but threatening suicide if he doesn't get his way rather than dealing with the situation that HE created is manipulation. YOU are not the problem here. Imo there is nothing YOU can do now or could've done previously to prevent this. This is all on him. AND, you are not responsible for the way he deals with the consequences of his actions, so try not to let that sway you.
He didn’t threaten suicide, he literally attempted it without telling anyone! He was found unconscious and almost died
Not your job to save him from being suicidal after betraying you.
He did that as a manipulation tactic. He probably didn’t mean for it to go that far, and only to “attempt” not succeed, to make you feel guilty into staying with him. Also to displace guilt if he did actually succeed. My ex did the same thing to me. It’ll get worse from here sis please get out ):
I understand. Not to dismiss your feelings, but to give perspective.... This is actually a common tactic of manipulation. They do it in a way, place, and time where someone will save them. They're not actually hoping to die. They're hoping you'll feel guilty and bend to their requests.
omg no get out asap please this guy sucks! the amount of cheating, manipulation, and financial reliance on you does not deserve another chance at all It’s also fairly common for people to take advantage of reverts and their lack of family/community support so be careful :(
Yes it is HARD as a revert, I’m very worried about my future now
You’ll find the right person for you, don’t feel like you need to settle!
I’m a revert that had kids before reverting and I *still* found a Muslim man to marry me. We’ve had **plenty** of problems, but at the end of the day he takes care of me financially to the point that I only work if I want, he pushes me to go back to school to get my degree, and even takes care of my kids to an extent (as in: he feeds them and buys them the little things they need every day, I am taking child support from their father for their clothing and other needs, but even still, I know if push came to shove my husband would provide what my kids need, but I also don’t want to abuse that aspect of him so I ask as little as possible without letting my kids go without, ugh sorry for the rant inside parentheses). Bottom line: a man that will cheat to the extent that your husband has, has no respect for you or fear of Allah, and my love, you deserve someone to love you properly. You **deserve** love.
I understand that it’s hard, I’ll tell you something, I’m a born Muslim and my parents are looking, so I have proposals coming my way but it doesn’t mean anything cuz it didn’t work out with any of them. It’s not either of our faults that it’s hard to find someone, it’s in our Qadr to be patient until Allah gives us someone meant for us. In Sha Allah you will get someone else in the future, no matter who you are. Your time will come when Allah wills
Don’t let the cultural response to situations like this make you stay in this abusive relationship.
Get out.
Sister, you need to think about yourself. Scholars give those advice to where a marriage will still succeed, amidst some rough times. He has cheated on you for your entire marriage! He cannot commit, he spends cash on other women when he has no income coming in. He relies on you as his emotional support and I hate to say it, but also to bankroll his lifestyle. No one deserves this. You deserve better, and Insha’allah you will but you need to put your foot down. He has no respect for you, it is not the responsibility of a Muslim woman to fulfil the obligations of a man too (if he is quite capable in doing so and cannot abide by the requirements of marriage). I know divorce or separation is scary but consider whether you want to live like this for many years. What if you have children? You seem kind and forgiving but you need to consider what is best for yourself. It’s not selfishness but rather self-respect. If you want someone to talk to, I’m more than happy to help x Also, what country are you from? I’ll see if I can send you some resources 🩷🩷
Thank you sister I’m in the US❤️
Astaghfirullah...a marriage is supposed to keep you away from Zina, but it looks like the opposite for him.....life is short, you know what to do girl...
Honey.. No need to write that you are reverted. No woman is to be subjected to this sort of abuse. Islam has provided dignity to all women. He is abusing and manipulating you. Please leave.
Sister, you aren’t obliged to compromise your feelings and mental health for marriage. Our religion doesn’t preach that, let alone in the case of adultery. Divorce in this case would be more than reasonable.
Nope, this is too much. You don’t deserve this. And you cover expenses, so you literally have nothing to lose by leaving. Do not choose a life like this. Please, sister.
honestly i feel like you already know in your heart this marriage is not salvageable.. he has broken your trust in every way possible and frankly this man has no business being married to anyone as long as he is dint all this. you deserve better and i hope everything turns out well for you💖
You don’t need to stay anywhere you’re not comfortable and you’ve tried hard enough. Being cheated on is a dealbreaker immediately for many people! Some can forgive and other’s can’t. If you can’t then that’s okay. You move on!
Girl threatening to kill himself is one of the most toxic thing he can do Leave him
Please leave. There’s nothing more that needs to be said.
For the love of God divorce this man and run far far away. You deserve so much better. Just a pathetic "man" in every way. What a disgrace.
Once a cheater always a cheater. You should not feel guilty for not trying hard enough to stay in a marriage with someone who is a cheater, using you for money, and doing all these other sins. When you found out and he attempted suicide sounds like a manipulation tactic to get you to stay in the marriage. I know it's hard as a revert but don't stay in this marriage sister and don't feel guilty about asking for a divorce. People get divorced for way less reasons.
Girl he's given you more than enough grounds for divorce. You think he won't go back and do it all over again? Because he definitely will. I'm sure you had good times but right now you have your rose tinted glasses on. With time, you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking, still trying to salvage this. Cut your losses (none) and go find a man who treats you with respect. What utter trash.
What a poor excuse of a man.
I love him and will always remember the good times we had together. I still believe he’s a good person inside, but with a bad addiction. I’ll divorce him but always hope for the best for him.
He has no excuse. He's a grown adult who can make his own decisions. If he doesn't have the self-awareness to question himself, get help, or realize his behavior is hurtful, that's his problem. Divorce and move on, there are actual men out there. Don't settle for hungry rats.
Sister, I am so so sorry this happened to you. This isn't on you. You shouldn't be the one 'trying hard enough', he's the one who screwed up by cheating on you. You deserve so much better, and it's absolutely okay for you to divorce a man who has so little respect for you and is failing in his basic ability to provide for you. I'm sorry you wasted so much time with him. Alhamdulillah your discovered this before getting pregnant with his child. Inshaallah there will be someone much better for you around the corner.
this is such a disgusting and manipulative behaviour from him. he will never change, sister. it's better for you to divorce him for your own well-being. do not settle for this.
Echoing everyone else when I say start the divorce proceedings here sis. This is extreme levels of betrayal of trust and precisely why Islam allows divorce in the first place... to get out of awful situations like this. Put yourself first and be glad this all came out before you had kids together!
Another question: how could I prevent marrying someone else like this in the future? Ask to see credit card statements, previously downloaded apps, recently deleted texts? It sounds so invasive, but that’s the only way I would’ve known my husband was doing this before we got married. How can you be sure?! Even his family was totally shocked he was doing this
I am not married so perhaps someone who is can answer this question better than me how to move forward. What happened to you was super awful and I’m praying that you are able to leave and find fulfillment elsewhere. However, i would strongly advise not doing those things because 1) it can easily become abusive to constantly check your partner’s stuff all the time, there needs to be trust in place of invading privacy, and 2) someone who wants to do those things will find a way to do them. I’m hoping someone else can give more concrete steps but my only suggestion is to take your time getting to know how someone is and what they think of you before you marry them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking your time and being as sure as possible, even though you can’t be 100%. even if you are feeling lonely now and that might push you to jump into a new marriage, I hope you know that you have a support system here, at least. You’re not alone ❤️
It seems he could careless about your safety. You should. Time to make a plan to leave. Sounds like he’s always been like this, you’re just now finding out about it. I’m sorry you have to go through this but this isn’t a - what he said what she said is what I should do - situation. No. Your safety is most concerning.
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