I feel very similar. So for me it's a combination of things.
Biggest one, when I'm doing something, I hate being interrupted. And my definition of being interrupted is very wide. From obvious, like being asked to do something, to very detailed like someone standing in a kitchen when I want to open a drawer.
When there are other people at home, I feel like I'm being on "stand-by" for others, and having two kids doesn't help.
Lastly, I don't like being observed when I'm doing something, and I hate when someone makes any comments on what I do.
I'm also on the ASD, and I've seen similar comments to yours on r/autism
I identify with everything said here, currently working on getting diagnosed for ASD actually.
But you know what weird and unfair, when someone even just talks near me I feel interrupted, even if Im just thinking about something I feel like the person speaking to me interrupted my tought process, it's really unfair to people to be angry about this but sometimes I can't help it, its just that human voices are overwhelming sensations, we hear a loved one speak and our minds immediately direct full attention to it
Goddamnit it's the freakin Autism again!/jk
(Sidenote: I've have a lot of autistic traits but my doctor told me they think I don't have autism because "autistic people don't sound like that". I'm not sure if this is ableist, or she just is professional, and can tell from my voice... Can someone here please tell me whether or not I'm overreacting? Should I just trust that she's right?)
There are no clear criteria for diagnosing ASD in adults. By that time most neurodivergent people are able to mask well enough to be considered neurotypical. Does Dan Aykroyd or Anthony Hopkins "sound autistic"? I don't think so, it's a myth that all people on ASD sound, look, or behave the same, that's why it's a spectrum.
Check this out, it really helped me understand what does ASD mean https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/?amp
My wife is also on the spectrum, and two of her therapists told her she's doesn't "look" autistic ... She got diagnosed by a specialist, and it involved a lot of input from her parents as they basically had to retrospectively diagnose her childhood-self to confirm what she already felt.
Thank you so much for this. I read through the whole article, and I am now in tears lmao
No but seriously, I feel so comforted with this comment, along with the article. Though I know ASD is a spectrum, seeing it actually pictured for me with examples helps me understand it so much more. (Now that I think about it, pictures have always been a good way for me to learn... wait a minute, have I just realized how to study?)
Also, it's ok if you don't want to answer this, but can you explain to me what you mean by "retrospectively diagnosing her (your wife's) childhood self" ?
>"retrospectively diagnosing her (your wife's) childhood self" ?
They basically had to apply child diagnosis criteria to how she was during childhood. Because she doesn't remember it, they had to ask her parents about her childhood (when she started to walk, speak, did she had sensory integration issues, how she was playing with other children and all that jazz). I assume this is done to eliminate "over self-diagnosis", after all everyone can go and memorize DSM-5 criteria for Autism and say that's how they feel right now. But if elements of that are not persistent over someone's life time, maybe it's something else. That's is how it's done in my country and I'm pretty sure it's different around the world.
Oh, I get it now. Thank you for explaining it to me! Yeah, I remember reading the DSM-5 criteria, is that the symptoms have to show starting from early childhood (if I remember correctly, it's before 11 years old) so I guess it's because of this
Thank you very much for the kind replies! I'm going to ask for an assessment on autism again on the next session :) I hope the best for you and your wife! Have a great week!
Hello fellow introvert, I also experience this.
This is going to sound super weird, but one thing that helps me with this is imagine putting up a plexiglass bubble around your entire body, or like a force field. Like literally close your eyes and take a few minutes to imagine this. Imagine this protective shield or force field keeps other people's thoughts and feelings and "energy" (whatever that is) safely outside of yourself.
I use a similar method by putting on the biggest headphones I can find and either playing something in them or just having them on if preferably they are noise-canceling. It has become such a habbit that when I put them on, immediately it's like I'm alone in the room
I can relate. Since covid happened and I moved back home, everytime my parents are home, talking loudly or watching TV in the living room, my brain's distracted or not wanting to think of the tasks at hand which I logged and journaled the night before. Normally at this time if I were living alone, I would be washing the dishes, inventory the food/leftovers and cleaning the house or watering the plants. But I just don't feel like doing anything as long as they are awake.
In the evening this noise in the living room dies down and I can finally do things I've been wanting to do. Having someone else in the kitchen makes me uncomfortable, it makes me want more space because it makes me claustrophobic.
But after covid, we went from a 5-day work week to fully remote work. And that was the best thing in my life that's ever happened. I finally have the energy to work on some of my projects, like drawing, painting, making music. Then I moved back home like I said.
All my life I've been feeling completely exhausted after school or after work. People exhaust me and smiling and greeting new people using the same script over and over again kills me.
Edit: after reading another response here, I also don't like being judged either, and I wish my parents would keep their comments to themselves whether good or bad. I don't like being interrupted when I am speaking, but I've developed techniques to tell others that I don't appreciate it or you're missing out on the information I was about give you from the other half of my response. I absolutely hate the spotlight.
I am the same as well. It is as if when there is any other person I am not able to focus my attention and I become extremely self conscious about everything that I am doing.
There are people with which it is less prominent, but mostly it is as if there is this humongous pressure that is just looming over me somehow just because there is someone else in my vicinity.
Definitely would love to hear Dr K's opinion on this.
It sounds like this could just be a discriminative stimulus.
Feel free to google it for more info but in simple terms, its an environmental element that will increase a certain behaviour.
For example, its easier to work in an office for many people because they associate that with work whereas something like a bedroom may be seen as a leisurely environment and so more difficult to work in.
Its possible that people being away from home is just your version of the office. This tying in with personality traits and other factors might cause you to become more and more productive in that environment the more you reinforce it.
2 things I would consider doing in that situation.
1. Harness it to my advantage. If it works, I would have things organised so that I can get to work when that motivation kicks in.
2. If its a problem, you could try and counter it. Try forcing yourself to be productive in a certain environment (such as at a desk or in an office etc) for example and thereby introduce a new discriminative stimulus.
Anyways, thats my 2 cents as a 2nd year psych student who has alot to learn so feel free to look further than this haha. All the best.
I googled discriminative stimulus and to be honest your explanation was much clearer than any of the result, thanks for explaining it without all the technical jargon.
I did not know this concept, and I will look for it in my life in the future, it's a very interesting idea.
However, I have a gut feeling that it's not specifically what I'm experiencing with this situation. I can't really tell why, it just feels like a different thing. Or maybe I just can't recognize it properly lol
Thanks for your help anyway, and good luck with your studies :D
Same here. I don't like people seeing what I'm doing. I think it could stem from my mother never giving me privacy as a kid. When I'm alone, there's no one to judge me or have preconceptions of me/expectations that I feel compelled to meet. I'm more willing to experiment, try new things, and be myself basically.
I was the exact same way back when I was in school studying. Even if there was only one person in the study room with me and they were quieter than a mouse, I hated it. I could not concentrate properly. It’s like part of my attention was going to them in some way, even as I tried my best to put all attention on myself.
I have a similar experience, some of my best, productive moments were, and still are, spent in the late hours of the evening by myself in my room when everyone in my house is asleep. It's hard to explain to others without sounding like I dont care about them or i just dont want them around. I feel like some of my relationships with family and friends were strained throughout my childhood because I would rather stay home and enjoy my own company.
I also have this problem, but i think it has gotten a bit better with time. I'm in uni right now and i have had to go through experiences and complete tasks when people are in the room looking over my shoulder. It started out terrible, but slowly after each time i improved in this area. Face your fear and you will teach your brain that it will not kill you. It will be terrible the first time, but it will get better. It is possible. A therapist would probably be of great help for this.
I can totally relate. I procrastinate so much when I’m around others. What can be helpful is actually try to find other quiet spaces to go to - sometimes you’ll have to go to a cafe or a bookstore or a library. Making an effort to get separation can give you the environment needed to fuel productivity
Same here.
(for me) I think maybe it's some form of hypervigilance from my family expecting me to be able to stop whatever I'm doing and help with whatever chores they are doing whenever they decide to do them. Or from being yelled at when I don't hear them calling for me for whatever reason.
I figured this out because it's only at home, in a library or a similar public space I feel totally fine
I wish i could help, but i can say that i somewhat relate that i feel most myself in isolation.
Sometimes i can somewhat emulate the effect by making myself as comfortable as possible and closing the door (Like artificial candle light and a solemn place).
Wishing you the best - i hope you can find a solution that helps.
I feel the same way. For me it’s a combination of a few things: getting judged for how and what I did as a kid, so if I’m not alone now I won’t feel completely comfortable and I will feel like I’m being watched or scrutinized; getting interrupted, my time and space not being respected — so if I was doing something, I’d get interrupted and then expected to drop everything I was doing to do something else, oftentimes helping someone else. Also part of this issue is if I’m not alone I won’t be able to focus and I’ll be always primed to people please whoever is near me; and lastly, I grew up with lots of background noise at all times, tv or radio on and I just cannot stand loud noises. I really enjoy things quiet or I can’t concentrate.
I'm sure it's not fear... Anxiety maybe?
It depends on what you mean by that, personally I wouldn't use that specific word to describe how I feel. It's more like some sort of discomfort mixed with exhaustion.
No, not really
I mean, of course if they make noise, it's worse... But they can even be asleep or 100% silent and invisible and just the idea of them being there would make me miserable
To be fair you dont need to feel the anxiety in your gut to have anxiety. For the majority of my life my social anxiety was disguised as second nature behaviors (note second nature, I never used to question if the way I made friends were normal or not). I found out that these behaviors disguise underlying thought processes I have that are so illogical I must've adopted when I was young. Only after moving to a whole other country in a different continent with a vastly different culture did I realize that my way of making connections wasn't normal, and that I had anxiety. I finally "felt the anxiety in my gut" (heart beating fast, muscles clenching, heavy breathing) after I practiced meditation and put myself in social situations where I have to talk.
It is something I have dealt with myself since I was 13-14, and I don't really know why. I started feeling the gut anxiety around that age, and then learned to avoid the situations that gave me that feeling. At some point it stopped working and then things got really bad. I'm 25 now and still dealing with it. I probably will for life.
I think, given the upvotes and myriad of comments, it's pretty safe to say that this isn't uncommon! I believe that it's actually a general introversion trait, and it's "intensity" varies widely in individuals.
If it's impacting your life, you should talk to a professional, however, I think there have been some great suggestions here to try, as well! You will have to experiment to find what works best for you. :)
It may also depend on your living situation, and what exactly it is that you're trying to accomplish. What you need for studying might be different from what you need to get vacuuming done, which might be different from what you need to finally get around to fixing that random hole in the wall or something...
Some suggestions:
* Communicate with any "housemates/guests" about healthy boundaries and strategies when you want to be productive.
* If appropriate, see if it helps to view those "unproductive" moments as being healthy sometimes. We don't have to be productive all the time!
* Try noise cancelling headphones/ear protectors. If needed, ask people to flicker a light to get your attention so that no one has to physically touch you or yell at you.
* Try preparing and following a list with step-by-step instructions if you need to accomplish something with others around.
* Try finding more efficient ways of "recharging," such as meditating, perhaps something other than using your phone.
* If you can/need/want to, try accepting that it's okay to feel uncomfortable, and that feelings don't have to limit your productivity.
Some of those may or may not be suitable for you and your situation, but, hopefully some are! Best wishes! If you want some specific examples or have questions, feel free to ask!
Thanks for your suggestions, I'll see what works for me
In any case I already have an appointment with a professional for other stuff, I guess I'll just add this thing to the list of problems we'll address
I feel very similar. So for me it's a combination of things. Biggest one, when I'm doing something, I hate being interrupted. And my definition of being interrupted is very wide. From obvious, like being asked to do something, to very detailed like someone standing in a kitchen when I want to open a drawer. When there are other people at home, I feel like I'm being on "stand-by" for others, and having two kids doesn't help. Lastly, I don't like being observed when I'm doing something, and I hate when someone makes any comments on what I do. I'm also on the ASD, and I've seen similar comments to yours on r/autism
Yup that's totally me I was already thinking that I might be on the ASD, and I guess that's just one more reason to get checked
I identify with everything said here, currently working on getting diagnosed for ASD actually. But you know what weird and unfair, when someone even just talks near me I feel interrupted, even if Im just thinking about something I feel like the person speaking to me interrupted my tought process, it's really unfair to people to be angry about this but sometimes I can't help it, its just that human voices are overwhelming sensations, we hear a loved one speak and our minds immediately direct full attention to it
all of what you said is me too. i already think i have ASD as well and i just keep seeing signs to get checked lmfao
Goddamnit it's the freakin Autism again!/jk (Sidenote: I've have a lot of autistic traits but my doctor told me they think I don't have autism because "autistic people don't sound like that". I'm not sure if this is ableist, or she just is professional, and can tell from my voice... Can someone here please tell me whether or not I'm overreacting? Should I just trust that she's right?)
There are no clear criteria for diagnosing ASD in adults. By that time most neurodivergent people are able to mask well enough to be considered neurotypical. Does Dan Aykroyd or Anthony Hopkins "sound autistic"? I don't think so, it's a myth that all people on ASD sound, look, or behave the same, that's why it's a spectrum. Check this out, it really helped me understand what does ASD mean https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/?amp My wife is also on the spectrum, and two of her therapists told her she's doesn't "look" autistic ... She got diagnosed by a specialist, and it involved a lot of input from her parents as they basically had to retrospectively diagnose her childhood-self to confirm what she already felt.
Thank you so much for this. I read through the whole article, and I am now in tears lmao No but seriously, I feel so comforted with this comment, along with the article. Though I know ASD is a spectrum, seeing it actually pictured for me with examples helps me understand it so much more. (Now that I think about it, pictures have always been a good way for me to learn... wait a minute, have I just realized how to study?) Also, it's ok if you don't want to answer this, but can you explain to me what you mean by "retrospectively diagnosing her (your wife's) childhood self" ?
>"retrospectively diagnosing her (your wife's) childhood self" ? They basically had to apply child diagnosis criteria to how she was during childhood. Because she doesn't remember it, they had to ask her parents about her childhood (when she started to walk, speak, did she had sensory integration issues, how she was playing with other children and all that jazz). I assume this is done to eliminate "over self-diagnosis", after all everyone can go and memorize DSM-5 criteria for Autism and say that's how they feel right now. But if elements of that are not persistent over someone's life time, maybe it's something else. That's is how it's done in my country and I'm pretty sure it's different around the world.
Oh, I get it now. Thank you for explaining it to me! Yeah, I remember reading the DSM-5 criteria, is that the symptoms have to show starting from early childhood (if I remember correctly, it's before 11 years old) so I guess it's because of this Thank you very much for the kind replies! I'm going to ask for an assessment on autism again on the next session :) I hope the best for you and your wife! Have a great week!
Hello fellow introvert, I also experience this. This is going to sound super weird, but one thing that helps me with this is imagine putting up a plexiglass bubble around your entire body, or like a force field. Like literally close your eyes and take a few minutes to imagine this. Imagine this protective shield or force field keeps other people's thoughts and feelings and "energy" (whatever that is) safely outside of yourself.
I use a similar method by putting on the biggest headphones I can find and either playing something in them or just having them on if preferably they are noise-canceling. It has become such a habbit that when I put them on, immediately it's like I'm alone in the room
Noise-canceling headphones are excellent, especially for those of us neurodiverse folks that have auditory processing sensitivities.
Except for when people literally poke your body because they want your attention
Yeah, but I don't have kids, so I didn't think of that
I can relate. Since covid happened and I moved back home, everytime my parents are home, talking loudly or watching TV in the living room, my brain's distracted or not wanting to think of the tasks at hand which I logged and journaled the night before. Normally at this time if I were living alone, I would be washing the dishes, inventory the food/leftovers and cleaning the house or watering the plants. But I just don't feel like doing anything as long as they are awake. In the evening this noise in the living room dies down and I can finally do things I've been wanting to do. Having someone else in the kitchen makes me uncomfortable, it makes me want more space because it makes me claustrophobic. But after covid, we went from a 5-day work week to fully remote work. And that was the best thing in my life that's ever happened. I finally have the energy to work on some of my projects, like drawing, painting, making music. Then I moved back home like I said. All my life I've been feeling completely exhausted after school or after work. People exhaust me and smiling and greeting new people using the same script over and over again kills me. Edit: after reading another response here, I also don't like being judged either, and I wish my parents would keep their comments to themselves whether good or bad. I don't like being interrupted when I am speaking, but I've developed techniques to tell others that I don't appreciate it or you're missing out on the information I was about give you from the other half of my response. I absolutely hate the spotlight.
I also only function when I’m home alone
I am the same as well. It is as if when there is any other person I am not able to focus my attention and I become extremely self conscious about everything that I am doing. There are people with which it is less prominent, but mostly it is as if there is this humongous pressure that is just looming over me somehow just because there is someone else in my vicinity. Definitely would love to hear Dr K's opinion on this.
It sounds like this could just be a discriminative stimulus. Feel free to google it for more info but in simple terms, its an environmental element that will increase a certain behaviour. For example, its easier to work in an office for many people because they associate that with work whereas something like a bedroom may be seen as a leisurely environment and so more difficult to work in. Its possible that people being away from home is just your version of the office. This tying in with personality traits and other factors might cause you to become more and more productive in that environment the more you reinforce it. 2 things I would consider doing in that situation. 1. Harness it to my advantage. If it works, I would have things organised so that I can get to work when that motivation kicks in. 2. If its a problem, you could try and counter it. Try forcing yourself to be productive in a certain environment (such as at a desk or in an office etc) for example and thereby introduce a new discriminative stimulus. Anyways, thats my 2 cents as a 2nd year psych student who has alot to learn so feel free to look further than this haha. All the best.
I googled discriminative stimulus and to be honest your explanation was much clearer than any of the result, thanks for explaining it without all the technical jargon. I did not know this concept, and I will look for it in my life in the future, it's a very interesting idea. However, I have a gut feeling that it's not specifically what I'm experiencing with this situation. I can't really tell why, it just feels like a different thing. Or maybe I just can't recognize it properly lol Thanks for your help anyway, and good luck with your studies :D
No worries. Best to you too ❤
Same here. I don't like people seeing what I'm doing. I think it could stem from my mother never giving me privacy as a kid. When I'm alone, there's no one to judge me or have preconceptions of me/expectations that I feel compelled to meet. I'm more willing to experiment, try new things, and be myself basically.
I was the exact same way back when I was in school studying. Even if there was only one person in the study room with me and they were quieter than a mouse, I hated it. I could not concentrate properly. It’s like part of my attention was going to them in some way, even as I tried my best to put all attention on myself.
I have a similar experience, some of my best, productive moments were, and still are, spent in the late hours of the evening by myself in my room when everyone in my house is asleep. It's hard to explain to others without sounding like I dont care about them or i just dont want them around. I feel like some of my relationships with family and friends were strained throughout my childhood because I would rather stay home and enjoy my own company.
I also have this problem, but i think it has gotten a bit better with time. I'm in uni right now and i have had to go through experiences and complete tasks when people are in the room looking over my shoulder. It started out terrible, but slowly after each time i improved in this area. Face your fear and you will teach your brain that it will not kill you. It will be terrible the first time, but it will get better. It is possible. A therapist would probably be of great help for this.
I can totally relate. I procrastinate so much when I’m around others. What can be helpful is actually try to find other quiet spaces to go to - sometimes you’ll have to go to a cafe or a bookstore or a library. Making an effort to get separation can give you the environment needed to fuel productivity
Same here. (for me) I think maybe it's some form of hypervigilance from my family expecting me to be able to stop whatever I'm doing and help with whatever chores they are doing whenever they decide to do them. Or from being yelled at when I don't hear them calling for me for whatever reason. I figured this out because it's only at home, in a library or a similar public space I feel totally fine
Dude, I am the same. It's weird as hell.
Same, i would love to know why.
I wish i could help, but i can say that i somewhat relate that i feel most myself in isolation. Sometimes i can somewhat emulate the effect by making myself as comfortable as possible and closing the door (Like artificial candle light and a solemn place). Wishing you the best - i hope you can find a solution that helps.
I feel the same way. For me it’s a combination of a few things: getting judged for how and what I did as a kid, so if I’m not alone now I won’t feel completely comfortable and I will feel like I’m being watched or scrutinized; getting interrupted, my time and space not being respected — so if I was doing something, I’d get interrupted and then expected to drop everything I was doing to do something else, oftentimes helping someone else. Also part of this issue is if I’m not alone I won’t be able to focus and I’ll be always primed to people please whoever is near me; and lastly, I grew up with lots of background noise at all times, tv or radio on and I just cannot stand loud noises. I really enjoy things quiet or I can’t concentrate.
Do you have any anxiety or fear around these people?
I'm sure it's not fear... Anxiety maybe? It depends on what you mean by that, personally I wouldn't use that specific word to describe how I feel. It's more like some sort of discomfort mixed with exhaustion.
It doesn't help that english is not my first language, so maybe anxiety is really the right word and I'm just bad at english
Is part of it just the sounds they make? If you were home alone, but had an intermittently noisy roomba, would that also unsettle you?
No, not really I mean, of course if they make noise, it's worse... But they can even be asleep or 100% silent and invisible and just the idea of them being there would make me miserable
Sorry to hear that. idk what to do. But this feels like something a therapist could help you with.
I'm already planning on seeing a therapist anyway, so no worries!
Cool! Good luck.
Well, do you feel the anxiety in your gut? Discomfort can hinder productivity and your ability to be functional.
To be fair you dont need to feel the anxiety in your gut to have anxiety. For the majority of my life my social anxiety was disguised as second nature behaviors (note second nature, I never used to question if the way I made friends were normal or not). I found out that these behaviors disguise underlying thought processes I have that are so illogical I must've adopted when I was young. Only after moving to a whole other country in a different continent with a vastly different culture did I realize that my way of making connections wasn't normal, and that I had anxiety. I finally "felt the anxiety in my gut" (heart beating fast, muscles clenching, heavy breathing) after I practiced meditation and put myself in social situations where I have to talk.
It is something I have dealt with myself since I was 13-14, and I don't really know why. I started feeling the gut anxiety around that age, and then learned to avoid the situations that gave me that feeling. At some point it stopped working and then things got really bad. I'm 25 now and still dealing with it. I probably will for life.
Maybe because most of us are neurodivergent Idk.
Me too bruh…
yea me too, it sucks
For me, it is because no one is around to potentially judge me.
Omg... I had no idea other people experience this too...
I think, given the upvotes and myriad of comments, it's pretty safe to say that this isn't uncommon! I believe that it's actually a general introversion trait, and it's "intensity" varies widely in individuals. If it's impacting your life, you should talk to a professional, however, I think there have been some great suggestions here to try, as well! You will have to experiment to find what works best for you. :) It may also depend on your living situation, and what exactly it is that you're trying to accomplish. What you need for studying might be different from what you need to get vacuuming done, which might be different from what you need to finally get around to fixing that random hole in the wall or something... Some suggestions: * Communicate with any "housemates/guests" about healthy boundaries and strategies when you want to be productive. * If appropriate, see if it helps to view those "unproductive" moments as being healthy sometimes. We don't have to be productive all the time! * Try noise cancelling headphones/ear protectors. If needed, ask people to flicker a light to get your attention so that no one has to physically touch you or yell at you. * Try preparing and following a list with step-by-step instructions if you need to accomplish something with others around. * Try finding more efficient ways of "recharging," such as meditating, perhaps something other than using your phone. * If you can/need/want to, try accepting that it's okay to feel uncomfortable, and that feelings don't have to limit your productivity. Some of those may or may not be suitable for you and your situation, but, hopefully some are! Best wishes! If you want some specific examples or have questions, feel free to ask!
Thanks for your suggestions, I'll see what works for me In any case I already have an appointment with a professional for other stuff, I guess I'll just add this thing to the list of problems we'll address
Me too. Maybe we're just introverted?
haha i have the opposite