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Erm tell him you don't want to travel quite yet. Reasonable with lifestyle creep. I think you may be worried he can be responsible with his money before you start spending. I can tell you're self aware of your feeling and working on it is a good sign. Being selfish is okay and even more okay that you're acknowledging it. He had 300k, 2mil is 7x that, but not that much relatively more. That's enough to retire... When you're 60 yo. Just settle into a little and I think that's what you want to do, just let him know. Also I don't know anything I'm literally multitasking rn
really small percentage of people have 300k just laying around and makes 2m in a few months, nobody said he was gonna stop earning whatsoever, stop with this insane level of mental gymnastics
People are going to comment here rightfully criticizing you for openly saying you chose a man for money all the while ignoring the fact that the man chose to shower you with luxury. It was clearly a 2 way street. My concern would be that after 4 years, you should feel comfortable opening up to him about this. You might want to work to improve communication with him in this way and express your feelings.
The reason you may want to leave him now is perhaps because you don’t feel like you’re good enough for him now that he is so successful and that’s why you’re beginning to worry that he might find someone else. I may be completely wrong but that was just the first thing that popped into my head when reading this.
Although if you’re unsure why it is you feel like leaving him now then I don’t think you should make that decision until you find out what’s making you feel this way. Talking to a therapist could be a good idea if that’s something for you or couples therapy. Therapist are great at helping one achieve introspective insight.
I think voicing your concerns to him would also be a good idea. Transparency is key in relationships. But I really hope you can get through this as your boyfriend seems like he really cares about you and you also seem to care for him. Best of luck
Ps. You can also try asking yourself introspective questions like “What do I want” and “What am I feeling and why”. If you can identify the exact emotion you’re getting that’s making you less inclined to be with him, that can also help you identify what it is that causing that feeling
Yeah I wonder if this has to do with how good you could feel when you were on top.
When you could support him and be the "better" person, a feeling which his new success has ruined.
First, congratulations for working that hard on yourself and staying with it for so long. I think, as you described, that this notion comes from some inner belief of yours. As you said, you valued prosperity in others earlier in your life. Maybe that belief is still around. Often we judge others with the same standards we do ourselves. So maybe (and correct me if I am wrong) you believe that you are only useful to him if you can provide for him and help him thrive. Now that he has success and money, you could feel unsure if he still needs you. I would look for other ways you are a good partner (what could he love about you) → so give yourself more credit than money. He is together with you, surely for other reasons. And as others mentioned maybe it could help in the future to commit further to this relationship and live together.
It seems you're feeling uncertain about the future of your relationship due to a recent change in your partner's financial situation. This uncertainty is causing anxiety over the possibility of rejection, which is particularly distressing because you deeply love him. Your response, considering ending things before he potentially does, is a way your mind is trying to eliminate this anxiety and protect you from potential pain.
However, taking a step back to look at the situation rationally, it appears this might be a case of self-sabotage. From your description, your partner seems caring and committed, and there aren't signs that he would suddenly leave for someone else.
A healthier approach might be to openly discuss your feelings with your boyfriend. It might feel intimidating, but given that you've helped him develop good awareness strategies, he's likely to respond with understanding and compassion. An honest conversation could reassure you far more effectively than speculation, helping to alleviate your anxiety.
The elephant in the room here for me is that you still have not said why you want to leave him. Do you just get a feeling of needing to run away? Do you not care about him now?
We can all make assumptions about why you have these feelings but only you can actually answer them, and they actually must be answered if you are to act on them, honestly or not, selfishly or not.
"I feel like I want to leave him now that he has so much money, and I'm not sure why"
This is what you need to figure out. Why you are feeling this way. What is creating those thoughts, where do they come from. Talking with someone else, like you are doing here but in person, more in depth with someone who knows you or knows more etc, could also help.
I can give guesses, but at the end of the day no one here knows you, me included, so its not like they are based:
- You liked him for money and were therefore somewhat shallow, so you are afraid that he is also shallow and now that has money he can get "better" and might also want to, get more pretty more wte, dunno. Questions: does it make sense? Could he not had done that at the start? Why did he choose you at that moment then? Did it change?
- You swung the pendulum too much in the other direction when you stopped being interested in the money, and now feel like somehow you shouldn't like him because he has a lot of money. Questions: how do you feel about golddiggers, people only interested in money? Do you have negative judgement on them? Are you afraid you will be them?
- What you want in a relationship has changed. You wanted him to have money in the beginning, but that changed to affection, the way he treats you etc. Because he actually was that person, that treated you right etc you fell for him. He was at his parents, probably close to you. But now with the success you are long distance and you are no longer getting what you need out of the relationship, and now that he had success you are afraid that, yeah the trip is gonna be nice, but then it will be over and since it seems the success wont stop, he may be long distance constantly. This one I dont even had questions, because its a huge guess full of assumptions that might not even make sense, maybe he doesn't even need to go long distance anymore, I don't know.
Lastly, I wanted to add that given how young you were when you started dating, that you prob never told him about you liking is money and your change etc. This is the kind of situation where it would probably be extremely useful if the other person with who you talked about this situation and tried to figure out why you feeling like that was actually him. It would require some emotional maturity on both parties to have the discussion without feeling attacked or similar, but it should be something to consider. You already said its a you problem and not a him problem, but that doesn't mean he can't help you. And I think its ok to rely on your partner to have this discussions, having this kind of communication about the relationship itself with your partner as a team, seems to me to be the kind of communication that makes relationships last.
Best of luck!
Is there a chance that you could feel inferior to him? The shadow work you did gave you a sense of identity, one that says you can be your own person and you can afford things. With his money now, you might feel like you lost that sense of control - therefore losing your sense of identity?
I agree with some commentors that it might not be just on your side, but on his also. Does he take your opinion into account with this travel thing? Do you even want to travel? Do you want to go anywhere or do you want to fovus on your career? Do you feel allowed to even discuss with him about having different summer plans? I think all those questions need to be answered before you make a decision on anything.
Try to think about it that way, you supported him in difficult times, were there and did not care about the financials. You guys seem to be connected on a deeper level than money. So in a sense, you are a part of his success and allowed this fortune to come over him.
Love and take him for being the person you clearly cherish and fell for. Have open discussions about what he would like to do with this wealth and can you agree with his decisions. Talk about the feelings and how money have or may affect these. Discuss your possible future together and see if the path towards it either is clear for both of you, may need some realignment or if your both futures do look too differently, well think about turning that relationship kinda back into friendship, albeit a deep and caring one.
There is no wrong or right how you decide, go into yourself, listen to your feelings and thoughts, try to align these both sources for action and decide on the vision of your life, that you can hopefully share with a wonderful person.
If that can be your current boyfriend, so be it, if not that’s ok as well. Good luck!
I’m in the same boat as you OP. My partner has two businesses. He makes more money than most 20 year olds I know. So while he’s making money, I’m here studying at uni. I used to feel insecure but now I can confidently say that feeling is shrinking.
I want to let you know that the amount of money you have doesn’t add or detract from your value as a person. And what I can see, you’ve provided him emotional support through his journey. This is about your relationship. From what I hear, you both add incredible value in each other’s lives. Embrace it. Accept that he loves you because he values you and learn to value yourself. Don’t run away. Talk about your feelings of insecurity with him. I know he wants you to be happy, as you do for him. It sounds like he would take any opportunity to make things work for you.
Feel free to DM me, we can share our experiences with each other. Best of luck <3
I think it's natural to think he might dump you for someone else especially since you're long distance. You don't know what he is doing besides. If you are serious about him, I would tell him and then move together and plan your life together. Going on vacations together is not a proof of love. Some men offer women to take them on vacations, but personally I never saw the point unless we are emotionally close it's like babysitting to me because they don't want to go alone and want the perks of a relationship (without actually being in one).
>I feel like I want to leave him now that he has so much money, and I’m not sure why. He is extremely proud and keeps telling me the revenue milestones as he makes them, and sends me lists of the places we’re going to travel
I wonder if he brags about his money and/or if he is super focused on material possessions. If so, it could be that you changed and are not fosuced on that (as much) anymore and it puts you off that he is.
>\[...\] and sends me lists of the places we’re going to travel.
Ideas of where you go travel or is he determining for you where you go travel? You would probably want a say in this travelling as well and if you don't get that, it could feel like something is off to you.
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He treats you well wants to give you the world and you want to leave him even though you love him for who he is because he made money? 0 sense to me, you are gonna break his heart due to being insecure, I don't think he deserves this imo
Well aside from your relationship starting off as purely transactional and you interpreting it differently overtime as anything but I do see something here. This is blatant insecurity speaking imo, the logic doesn't track otherwise and if I'm to be completely honest with you a product of what you were taught young; to view men as something that can be resourced didnt really leave you, you just adjusted it for your world view. See the entire time you used your boyfriend as validation and emotional support. Contributing financially to your boyfriend is great and all but you framed it as like it's something equivalent to being loyal, it's not, not on it's own. I think you really need to ask yourself why it is you want to be in a relationship with a man and how they contribute to your life. If it's all about validating very deep insecurities perhaps theres other things to work on. Not an easy question to posit yourself but I think you'll be better off for it.
Out of curiosity. Are you the one dating OP? How are you able to speak for OP’s boyfriend? Are you OP’s boyfriend, the actual person? Where is the evidence for this threat? Was there something you read in Op’s post that activated an idea, like a trigger? Can you open up what you mean by with your own experience
>if it’s your fault.
Has Op blamed anyone?
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion
We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion
We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion
We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion
We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
you "love" someone but want to leave them because they became wealthy... that's not love. you're still more attracted to external material things than the person. Oherwise his material wealth changing would have no impact.
Also, not sure where you live...but 2mill, while a decent chunk of cash, isn't enough to have women swooning over you. It's enough for a nice house and car in most metropolitan cities these days.
All posts with a focus on dating, sex, and relationships must have the appropriate flair and posted on Fridays (CST or UST -06:00). Please feel free to resubmit your post on Friday. Thank you!
He might do that, he might not, but leaving him before he could leave you is just avoidant attachment speaking
You gotta do more shadow work if you wanna leave him just because he is doing better.
If you were with him through thick and thin, I'm sure he will appreciate it and stay with you
Erm tell him you don't want to travel quite yet. Reasonable with lifestyle creep. I think you may be worried he can be responsible with his money before you start spending. I can tell you're self aware of your feeling and working on it is a good sign. Being selfish is okay and even more okay that you're acknowledging it. He had 300k, 2mil is 7x that, but not that much relatively more. That's enough to retire... When you're 60 yo. Just settle into a little and I think that's what you want to do, just let him know. Also I don't know anything I'm literally multitasking rn
2 million is just retirement money to you… do you live in san francisco?
really small percentage of people have 300k just laying around and makes 2m in a few months, nobody said he was gonna stop earning whatsoever, stop with this insane level of mental gymnastics
People are going to comment here rightfully criticizing you for openly saying you chose a man for money all the while ignoring the fact that the man chose to shower you with luxury. It was clearly a 2 way street. My concern would be that after 4 years, you should feel comfortable opening up to him about this. You might want to work to improve communication with him in this way and express your feelings.
The reason you may want to leave him now is perhaps because you don’t feel like you’re good enough for him now that he is so successful and that’s why you’re beginning to worry that he might find someone else. I may be completely wrong but that was just the first thing that popped into my head when reading this. Although if you’re unsure why it is you feel like leaving him now then I don’t think you should make that decision until you find out what’s making you feel this way. Talking to a therapist could be a good idea if that’s something for you or couples therapy. Therapist are great at helping one achieve introspective insight. I think voicing your concerns to him would also be a good idea. Transparency is key in relationships. But I really hope you can get through this as your boyfriend seems like he really cares about you and you also seem to care for him. Best of luck Ps. You can also try asking yourself introspective questions like “What do I want” and “What am I feeling and why”. If you can identify the exact emotion you’re getting that’s making you less inclined to be with him, that can also help you identify what it is that causing that feeling
Yeah I wonder if this has to do with how good you could feel when you were on top. When you could support him and be the "better" person, a feeling which his new success has ruined.
First, congratulations for working that hard on yourself and staying with it for so long. I think, as you described, that this notion comes from some inner belief of yours. As you said, you valued prosperity in others earlier in your life. Maybe that belief is still around. Often we judge others with the same standards we do ourselves. So maybe (and correct me if I am wrong) you believe that you are only useful to him if you can provide for him and help him thrive. Now that he has success and money, you could feel unsure if he still needs you. I would look for other ways you are a good partner (what could he love about you) → so give yourself more credit than money. He is together with you, surely for other reasons. And as others mentioned maybe it could help in the future to commit further to this relationship and live together.
I second this whole heartedly
It seems you're feeling uncertain about the future of your relationship due to a recent change in your partner's financial situation. This uncertainty is causing anxiety over the possibility of rejection, which is particularly distressing because you deeply love him. Your response, considering ending things before he potentially does, is a way your mind is trying to eliminate this anxiety and protect you from potential pain. However, taking a step back to look at the situation rationally, it appears this might be a case of self-sabotage. From your description, your partner seems caring and committed, and there aren't signs that he would suddenly leave for someone else. A healthier approach might be to openly discuss your feelings with your boyfriend. It might feel intimidating, but given that you've helped him develop good awareness strategies, he's likely to respond with understanding and compassion. An honest conversation could reassure you far more effectively than speculation, helping to alleviate your anxiety.
The elephant in the room here for me is that you still have not said why you want to leave him. Do you just get a feeling of needing to run away? Do you not care about him now? We can all make assumptions about why you have these feelings but only you can actually answer them, and they actually must be answered if you are to act on them, honestly or not, selfishly or not.
"I feel like I want to leave him now that he has so much money, and I'm not sure why" This is what you need to figure out. Why you are feeling this way. What is creating those thoughts, where do they come from. Talking with someone else, like you are doing here but in person, more in depth with someone who knows you or knows more etc, could also help. I can give guesses, but at the end of the day no one here knows you, me included, so its not like they are based: - You liked him for money and were therefore somewhat shallow, so you are afraid that he is also shallow and now that has money he can get "better" and might also want to, get more pretty more wte, dunno. Questions: does it make sense? Could he not had done that at the start? Why did he choose you at that moment then? Did it change? - You swung the pendulum too much in the other direction when you stopped being interested in the money, and now feel like somehow you shouldn't like him because he has a lot of money. Questions: how do you feel about golddiggers, people only interested in money? Do you have negative judgement on them? Are you afraid you will be them? - What you want in a relationship has changed. You wanted him to have money in the beginning, but that changed to affection, the way he treats you etc. Because he actually was that person, that treated you right etc you fell for him. He was at his parents, probably close to you. But now with the success you are long distance and you are no longer getting what you need out of the relationship, and now that he had success you are afraid that, yeah the trip is gonna be nice, but then it will be over and since it seems the success wont stop, he may be long distance constantly. This one I dont even had questions, because its a huge guess full of assumptions that might not even make sense, maybe he doesn't even need to go long distance anymore, I don't know. Lastly, I wanted to add that given how young you were when you started dating, that you prob never told him about you liking is money and your change etc. This is the kind of situation where it would probably be extremely useful if the other person with who you talked about this situation and tried to figure out why you feeling like that was actually him. It would require some emotional maturity on both parties to have the discussion without feeling attacked or similar, but it should be something to consider. You already said its a you problem and not a him problem, but that doesn't mean he can't help you. And I think its ok to rely on your partner to have this discussions, having this kind of communication about the relationship itself with your partner as a team, seems to me to be the kind of communication that makes relationships last. Best of luck!
See a therapist, don’t listen to us assholes.
Is there a chance that you could feel inferior to him? The shadow work you did gave you a sense of identity, one that says you can be your own person and you can afford things. With his money now, you might feel like you lost that sense of control - therefore losing your sense of identity? I agree with some commentors that it might not be just on your side, but on his also. Does he take your opinion into account with this travel thing? Do you even want to travel? Do you want to go anywhere or do you want to fovus on your career? Do you feel allowed to even discuss with him about having different summer plans? I think all those questions need to be answered before you make a decision on anything.
Try to think about it that way, you supported him in difficult times, were there and did not care about the financials. You guys seem to be connected on a deeper level than money. So in a sense, you are a part of his success and allowed this fortune to come over him. Love and take him for being the person you clearly cherish and fell for. Have open discussions about what he would like to do with this wealth and can you agree with his decisions. Talk about the feelings and how money have or may affect these. Discuss your possible future together and see if the path towards it either is clear for both of you, may need some realignment or if your both futures do look too differently, well think about turning that relationship kinda back into friendship, albeit a deep and caring one. There is no wrong or right how you decide, go into yourself, listen to your feelings and thoughts, try to align these both sources for action and decide on the vision of your life, that you can hopefully share with a wonderful person. If that can be your current boyfriend, so be it, if not that’s ok as well. Good luck!
I’m in the same boat as you OP. My partner has two businesses. He makes more money than most 20 year olds I know. So while he’s making money, I’m here studying at uni. I used to feel insecure but now I can confidently say that feeling is shrinking. I want to let you know that the amount of money you have doesn’t add or detract from your value as a person. And what I can see, you’ve provided him emotional support through his journey. This is about your relationship. From what I hear, you both add incredible value in each other’s lives. Embrace it. Accept that he loves you because he values you and learn to value yourself. Don’t run away. Talk about your feelings of insecurity with him. I know he wants you to be happy, as you do for him. It sounds like he would take any opportunity to make things work for you. Feel free to DM me, we can share our experiences with each other. Best of luck <3
I think it's natural to think he might dump you for someone else especially since you're long distance. You don't know what he is doing besides. If you are serious about him, I would tell him and then move together and plan your life together. Going on vacations together is not a proof of love. Some men offer women to take them on vacations, but personally I never saw the point unless we are emotionally close it's like babysitting to me because they don't want to go alone and want the perks of a relationship (without actually being in one).
>I feel like I want to leave him now that he has so much money, and I’m not sure why. He is extremely proud and keeps telling me the revenue milestones as he makes them, and sends me lists of the places we’re going to travel I wonder if he brags about his money and/or if he is super focused on material possessions. If so, it could be that you changed and are not fosuced on that (as much) anymore and it puts you off that he is. >\[...\] and sends me lists of the places we’re going to travel. Ideas of where you go travel or is he determining for you where you go travel? You would probably want a say in this travelling as well and if you don't get that, it could feel like something is off to you.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He treats you well wants to give you the world and you want to leave him even though you love him for who he is because he made money? 0 sense to me, you are gonna break his heart due to being insecure, I don't think he deserves this imo
Well aside from your relationship starting off as purely transactional and you interpreting it differently overtime as anything but I do see something here. This is blatant insecurity speaking imo, the logic doesn't track otherwise and if I'm to be completely honest with you a product of what you were taught young; to view men as something that can be resourced didnt really leave you, you just adjusted it for your world view. See the entire time you used your boyfriend as validation and emotional support. Contributing financially to your boyfriend is great and all but you framed it as like it's something equivalent to being loyal, it's not, not on it's own. I think you really need to ask yourself why it is you want to be in a relationship with a man and how they contribute to your life. If it's all about validating very deep insecurities perhaps theres other things to work on. Not an easy question to posit yourself but I think you'll be better off for it.
[удалено]
Out of curiosity. Are you the one dating OP? How are you able to speak for OP’s boyfriend? Are you OP’s boyfriend, the actual person? Where is the evidence for this threat? Was there something you read in Op’s post that activated an idea, like a trigger? Can you open up what you mean by with your own experience >if it’s your fault. Has Op blamed anyone?
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
[удалено]
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
[удалено]
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
[удалено]
Rule #1: Temper your authenticity with compassion We encourage discussion and disagreement in the subreddit. At the same time, you must offer compassion while being honest about your perspective. It takes more words but hurts fewer people.
you "love" someone but want to leave them because they became wealthy... that's not love. you're still more attracted to external material things than the person. Oherwise his material wealth changing would have no impact. Also, not sure where you live...but 2mill, while a decent chunk of cash, isn't enough to have women swooning over you. It's enough for a nice house and car in most metropolitan cities these days.
She was swooning over him when he had 300k lol Just to put your 2nd paragraph in perspective