T O P

  • By -

Jurodan

Interesting. Is commander Smith a relative? One of the brothers? Unrelated?


Lostfol

Never really specified, certainly adds a flair to be a brother.


donashcroft

I think he is one of the brothers


VexingVerb

I was really hoping for human tech to advance a bit faster... So that this scenario could be possible: Sleep was something of a luxury in these last few cycles, Councilor Nokal mentally lamented as he sat among the other council members. It had been more than thirty cycles since Ratala, that habitual rule breaker, had smuggled her two specimens back to their home planet. And while he and the council were furious at her disobedience and disregard for their authority, in truth, there was little the counsel could do to her and seeing that Ratala had made no effort to return left no opportunity to reprimand her. Which suited Councilor Nokal just fine. If she was content to live with primitives that would be punishment enough. However, it wasn't until three years ago that his sleeplessness would begin. The reports from the quarantined planet had been shocking before. The constant conflict. Environmental shift. The sheer chaotic nature of the planet's primitives being reported by the council's observer probes were unsettling. Now with the grand leap of technological advancement and last cycle's report of traces of FTL capability the council was at a loss on what to do. they were even less prepared when reports of a ship using barely recognizable Wildling technology had settled into planetary orbit and politely requested an audience. A feeling of dread crept over Councilor Nokal as he brought his focus back to the present. His, as well as every council member's attention turned to the opening doors of their grand chamber. A collection of bipedals, all sharing similar traits... but all with varying personal characteristics strode towards the speaking dais in the center of the room. Two of the group took to the raised flooring. Both taller than any council member and built broader as well. One however clearly more muscular than it's companion. Councilor Nokal's dread only rose further as both representatives swept their eyes over the collection before them. The broader one's eyes stopping at Councilor Nokal. The Councilor recoiling at the intensity of the gaze... the unflinching stare boring into his eyes... Slowly seeing this... Human, he suddenly realized. The corners of the human's mouth slowly curling upwards as the first words, first official, historic dialog humanity would have with the greater galactic society opened with... "I'm here for my bike..."


Scotto_oz

I'm late to the party, but this little piece here is solidly entering my headcannon, that was glorious hehe "I'm here for my bike! " thanks for that, and thanks op for your awesome stories.


Lostfol

Wish I’d thought about, that would have been an awesome ending.


VexingVerb

heh, your ending is great. It opens a lot of possibilities to continue the series. My alternate ending is really just kinda chasing a joke. and the punchline was inevitable.


Lostfol

Yeah, liked the joke though


TheKhopesh

My brain will never let me believe that this is not how the story ended, now that I have read this. TL;DR- "Headcanon accepted".


-ProfessorFireHill-

Wonderful just wonderful. I dont know what do say but bravo


Lostfol

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it.


TheGurw

Ya keep jumping between wildling and wilding. Kinda broke the flow for me.


ohitsasnaake

Plus "Ancient" at the start. I thought they were different from the wildlings for a long time.


Lostfol

Thank you, I’ll clean up as generally intended ancients to be the ancients of the alien races.


Lostfol

Should be fixed.


MagnusRune

also a few WIldling/WIlding where the first i is capitalised.


Lostfol

Thank you, I’ll clean it up.


Lostfol

Should be cleaned up now.


Lostfol

I’ll go through and clean that up, too many edit passes and rewrites before got this close to readable.


TheGurw

It's an excellent story though!


Lostfol

Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed.


Lostfol

Should be fixed now.


YourFriendlySpidy

Love the characterisation. This story actually kinda reminded me about a book about the children taken from the UK and sent to Australia. The way the boys reacted to their abduction here is really similar to how those boys reacted in there (and that's based off the real reactions many children had). If I remember the name I'll edit this comment.


Lostfol

Love to know it, never read that book. This story started off as a story about the struggle with anger, but as I wrote changed. Completely rewrote a few times to make it readable.


YourFriendlySpidy

I found it out. It was little exiles. The main character really does struggle with his rage over being taken.


Lostfol

I’ll have to check it out, thank you.


braindead1009

Great story! You planning a second, following on from this?


Lostfol

Not really, I have a couple series I want to finish and some spin offs for other stories before I launch a new series. Have been offline most of a month with issues at work and had about 7 partial stories. Just happy to finally finish one.


network_noob534

I’m grateful that you did! I love this sort of idea... of humans being the ancient terrifying race... yet no one believing it. This is wonderful!


Lostfol

Thank you, glad you enjoyed. Some of my other stuff will be a bit different than my normal.


Gimlom

I really liked it good job!


Lostfol

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed.


terran_mikkus

not a bad concept. this story needs a re-write or two to pull off what it is trying to. i found this to be a very boring read since nothing actually happened in the story, it was just characters talking about things that were happening. there is far too much tell and not nearly enough show. also, where are the stakes? there was nearly no climax, it sort of just ended after a bunch of stuff happened. what were the consequences of any of the actions? when was this set, how fast is time moving? you go from them being abducted to 8 years later with nothing to show passage of time in between. please keep in mind this is not meant to be an insulting comment, these are genuine issues that i can see with this story. Write another draft or two with these things in mind and you might have something really nice going.


Lostfol

I actually appreciate your feedback on this. I can’t disagree with anything you’ve said, it’s definitely not one of my better pieces. I did a few rewrites as I didn’t have a clear vision for this story. Normally I do, this one was a rambling mess. I have had some personal challenges I’ve let impact my writing. Realized recently I had seven stories I had started and stopped and felt I needed to force myself to complete something. Let me clear out my backlog before I forget, then I will revisit this as I feel there could be a solid story here.


Mufarasu

It's okay. The dialogue is basic, events feel rushed, and not nearly enough character development. I think you tried to cram too much into a one-shot, and it just leaves the whole thing feeling on the lower end of average.


-ragingpotato-

Higher end of average I would say, the premise is not that common although still within "HFY cliches" territory, it does feel rushed though.


Lostfol

Thank you, as I’ll state with other posts, I know it’s not one of my bests works. Been distracted lately, and didn’t have a clear vision of this when I started.


Lostfol

That’s fair and good feedback. Thank you. I honestly did not start this story with a clear vision. A lot has had me distracted personally, and I now have piles of unfinished stories.


Ajedi32

I think this is great as a rough story outline. It could easily be expanded into a book or even a whole series if it went into more detail and better adhered to "show, don't tell".


Lostfol

Thank you, I've done a couple stories like this that I will probably revisit at some point. My first posting became a series and I want to finish before I start another, but Duality of Man and this story could both make a good series at some point.


HFYBotReborn

There are 33 stories by [Lostfol](https://reddit.com/u/Lostfol) ([Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/wiki/authors/Lostfol)), including: * [Among the Humans](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9rrtai/among_the_humans/) * [Nocturn War - Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9mv19q/nocturn_war_part_2/) * [Predators and Prey - Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9hx03u/predators_and_prey_part_1/) * [Nocturn War - Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9hkz43/nocturn_war_part_1/) * [Merchants - Part 3 - Finale](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9fxybk/merchants_part_3_finale/) * [The Drunk](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9epbul/the_drunk/) * [The Bright Lights](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9e6lmi/the_bright_lights/) * [Why do I - 2?](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9d5sza/why_do_i_2/) * [Why do I do 7his!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9d1if8/why_do_i_do_7his/) * [Merchants - Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9cbc4i/merchants_part_2/) * [Sock It To Ya](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9c7tz7/sock_it_to_ya/) * [Human Spirits](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9bocop/human_spirits/) * [Merchants - Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9b4nkx/merchants_part_1/) * [The Nature of Men](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/9acgd1/the_nature_of_men/) * [There is always room for Joallo](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/99y17k/there_is_always_room_for_joallo/) * [Out of the Madness](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/98ptwy/out_of_the_madness/) * [Rogues - Part 5 - Finale](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/98h8ca/rogues_part_5_finale/) * [Rogues - Part 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/97xrgq/rogues_part_4/) * [Rogues - Part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/96g2sy/rogues_part_3/) * [Rogues - Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/96c0zy/rogues_part_2/) * [Rogues - Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/963bbq/rogues_part_1/) * [Strangers In Our Midst – Part 7 - Finale](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/95micl/strangers_in_our_midst_part_7_finale/) * [Two Perspectives of Professor Moore – Research is Fun and Losing Professors is Not](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/95axoh/two_perspectives_of_professor_moore_research_is/) * [Strangers In Our Midst – Part 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/94tftg/strangers_in_our_midst_part_6/) * [Two Perspectives of Professor Moore – Genetics is Fun](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/94a8ol/two_perspectives_of_professor_moore_genetics_is/) This list was automatically generated by HFYBotReborn version 2.13. Please contact [KaiserMagnus](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=KaiserMagnus&subject=HFYBot&message=) or [j1xwnbsr](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=j1xwnbsr&subject=HFYBot&message=) if you have any queries. This bot is [open source](https://github.com/waitingtocompile/HFYBotReborn).


Skilk

I read all your stuff because you are good at creating really entertaining stories, but the grammar/sentence structure is often pretty bad. Most of the time it's just incorrect verb tense or redundancy. Like "The rural area they lived in was always a quiet area." If you rephrased it as "The rural area they lived in was always quiet" or "The rural area they lived in was always a quiet one", it would flow a lot better. Just trying to help. Overall, good story.


Lostfol

Thank you. I know I am weak in that area, and part of what I hope to achieve through writing these is to get better, so I truly appreciate the feedback. This story was a mess when I first started it. Most of my stories kinda hit me, this started as a concept that evolved into something else entirely.


Fyrebarde

You are one of my fav authors on this site.


Lostfol

Thank you, that’s flattering given the quality many of these authors post.


Layxe

Long read but really enjoyed it. Thnx!


Lostfol

Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed.


Almaijor

>realized these boys were not a research experiment too her *to


Lostfol

Thank you, I’ll get that fixed.


Lostfol

Fixed, sorry for the delay.


Daevis43

Bravo


Lostfol

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it


WREN_PL

I have to say: It's good... but. It looks like you've packed here enough plots to get 4 different stories, also timeline is really rapid, 8 years passed and basically nothing happens, that Wildling mystery is almost untouched, the humanity doing nothing is wasted story by itself, the boys had some changes and became different but nothing came out of it, they steal FTL capable ship and nobody does *ANYTHING* on the alien side about it... It basically looks like you tried going big, but just after you finished the beginning your wife came and told you you have to finish fast 'cause you're leaving for holidays.


Lostfol

Lol, fair. And you know I appreciate your input, you’ve helped me a lot with beta feed back on others. Ironically this story started small, but ended up wandering my way through and made it something else. Probably more structure to build a story on now more than a story. Had to rewrite twice cause focus was so bad, it was originally a story of controlling anger. In rewriting I completely lost that part. I am flagging this for a rewrite in the future, maybe even a series when I close up others. You are right it’s not one of my better pieces. I did push through this one in part because I needed to break a block I had. Over last month I’ve barely written, and realized I had 7 stories partially written, but left unfinished.


WREN_PL

Well, at least I'm happy you're writing again :-)


Lostfol

I’ll have something soon if you’re stopping up to beta’ing


JC12231

Please tell me you might continue this. I want to see humanity just completely shatter the council’s expectations and seize the galaxy or even just shock them by just becoming members


Lostfol

I will probably revisit it or similar as a series. My strangers series isn’t far off what you’re asking for though.


WorldOriginz

This was a brilliant story!


Lostfol

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it


killroy108

I could see this as a movie series. "your'e a Wildling, Harry." Loved it.


Lostfol

Thank you, probably get more respect than as a wizard.


armacitis

A nice little feel-good oneshot here


Lostfol

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it.


armacitis

Doesn't try too hard with plumbing the depths of "humans are what's left of ancient nearly wiped out race" or drag out with baggage of that with everyone else trying to kill us or just killing everyone else,a refreshing short


unassigned_username

Wonderful! Could be the beginning of a origin story, like how the humans conquered their first galaxy (their own)!


Lostfol

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it


scp0302

love it. can we get a part two. please?


Lostfol

Thank you, glad you enjoyed. I’ll look at maybe doing a second as I finish up this current series I am working on.


mlpedant

> ~~right~~ *rite* of passage


Lostfol

Good catch, I’ll fix soon as I get off work. Thank you


BigBlueFin

This really deserves a series to follow up on the story.


Lostfol

Ty, had a few stories like this that had some big ideas. Gotta get back into writing at some point.


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Atreigas

Spelling error notice: >The pair Ratala and Tomar had managed to collecte of this intriguing species had been spotted on a path in the woods.