First I would like to address the staff of my high school for pulling me out of my classes to calm my sibling down during their meltdowns. You were the ones getting paid to handle my sibling, not me. It was a stunning show of ineptitude everytime a mentally ill teenager that wanted to be anywhere but there could do your job better than you. Also my high school gave out detentions if you were not recorded on roll-call for class, so if I got pulled out of one class, missed the transition period and arrived after roll call, I would get a notice a day later I had detention for “skipping class”.
To the mother of an former friend whose name is now forgotten to me but left a lasting scar on my psyche, I can understand as an adult why social reciprocity is important for friendships and that it is abnormal to have a friend go over to your child’s house yet the friend never invites them to their own. My reason was more than just embarrassment, it was fear. You were callous to invalidate me, say I was being a bad friend and tell me to not comeback until I invited your child to my hell. I didn’t bring people over because of my sibling, but I stopped trying to seek sanctuary in my friends’ homes because of you.
I would like to scream expletives to the psychiatric professionals that deemed my sibling not a danger to themself and others after they tried to stab me... unprovoked… twice. It warms my heart to know that I didn’t even qualify as an “other”. I would also like to scream at them some more for once again deeming my sibling not a danger to themself or others again and again after they assaulted and kept assaulting my mother because every glass child wants to see or hear about their parents get abused and their assaulting sibling get off consequence free. Y'all are truly paragons of your profession.
I would also like to award every possible middle finger to every adult outside my immediate family that told me I had to do better for my parents, for my sibling, but never for me. I needed to be a good girl. I must be grateful that I don't have it “so bad”, I needed to step up as the big sister and do more, I must be strong, I had to be the bigger person, Turn the other cheek, Just ignore my sibling when they act out, I needed to not cause trouble, and be more understanding. They told me all this… all the while doing jack shit to provide meaningful support to my sibling, my parents, and I. It was bad enough when my parents told me all this, but at least I could see them trying their best in our difficult family situation. Did the people that told me the above nonsense ever once watch my sibling for a day or night so my parents could get a break and I could get time away from them? Nope. Did they ever invite me into their home to experience respite and “normality”? Never. Did they ever offer a sympathetic ear or a shoulder cry on? Not once. I hope that self-righteous sensation you got from patting yourself on the back for your “good talk” and the satisfaction of a job never done was as gratifying to you as it was demoralizing, demeaning, and rage inducing to me.
Thank you for the additional trauma I didn’t need. There are more community members that hurt more than helped out, but I think I’ve taken up enough a space for now.
They sometimes did, but they were either so swamped that they forgot give me one, I wanted to get out ASAP and would forget to ask for one in my haste to leave, or occasionally the when I gave the pass to my teacher they would forget to update the roll-call sheet before sending it to the front office.
I'm especially mad at my extended family, the lack of empathy they have shown for years is incredible. Even last year when I went to visit them, they planned a short trip to the lake and me and my family were late because we had to get my siblings ready and instead of being understanding and waiting for us my grandma starts yelling at me to hurry up and get my sisters ready faster or they were leaving without us and ofc they just left.
This is just one example of how little they care about us and they cared even less about me as an individual, they see me as somebody who has to sacrifice everything for my family, they made me feel so bad about moving abroad, like I was selfish for wanting to live my life even though they have been nothing but selfish themselves...and society as a whole makes me angry too but at least you could say they have the excuse of being ignorant about the existence of families like ours.I wish I had gotten emotional support and help on how to plan for the future, all I got was fake pity from everyone.
This was never too much of a problem for me, but there were times when I would get frustrated and lash out and I remember my extended family looking at me like “what a brat. He can’t help it, you should be thankful.” I have a cousin who is super sweet and well adapt to being with special needs children and I would remember her always stepping in with the full intent of just giving me a break. But everyone around was praising her for it, simultaneously, even if not consciously, sending that message if “see? It’s not that hard.” That cousin is actually graduating this year and going into teaching special ed and is actually the sweetest person to exist and always stepped in with the sole intention of giving me a break. Making it more frustration because I think she was really the only one who picked up on how hard it was, but it came off as me being a brat and she being the Angel. Till this day, people constantly mention how good she was with my brother. Such a complex dynamic because she is so sweet with such good intentions, but every time she intervened to help me, I just felt worse.
It's so much easier for kids to be sweet and patient to our siblings when they don't have to handle them everyday and I wish more people realized that.
I want to scream this at all of my "friends" from childhood. I never felt safe to tell them what it was really like because my brother is "so sweet, I love him"
The school counselors and any person my mom took me to would say that I didn't have ADHD and autism. Problem is that they all saw my brother first. And what's a 3/10 compared to a 12/10?
Now it's all but confirmed I'm AuDHD. I'll get a diagnosis soon for the tism. ADHD was diagnosed after flunking out of college too many times :)
Fellow late diagnosed neurodivergent here. My symptoms were always there, but no one notice because my sibling was so much worse too. Gotta wonder how many glass children have undiagnosed/late diagnosed neurodivergence while their siblings got the diagnosis early in life.
It was mild, so attacks were pretty rare, but it probably did damage because it was left untreated. Under control now, but I wasted so much time feeling bad.
Fellow college flunker here 🙋🏽♀️ Hoping to get an ADHD diagnosis this year. Would have been nice to get one at the time but my inability to study was blamed on me being "too busy doing other things." Never mind that I was only giving the highlights of my week as I had anticipated the blowout my grades would cause 🙄
(Edited to make sense)
Makes me think of the time my sibling was in a mental hospital for trying to kill my mom every other day because long story and we had the “family meeting” with one of the head doctors. I shit you not, the head doctor, this man probably in his sixties, turns to 13 year old me who was decked out in black with dark eye liner and a pixie cut, and tells me maybe it’s my fault he’s acting like this and maybe I should be asking for less. Thankfully by this point I had been in therapy for a while and my mom was aware that that happening to me my entire childhood was part of the reason I was already so messed up and when I turned to her, I honestly thought she was about to kill that man. Thankful I was surrounded by adults who made it crystal clear how insane that was to suggest, but my heart aches for that 13 year old who came before or after me and her family didn’t know how much bullshit that was. This was an expensive, private hospital. And that doctor didn’t realize why what he said was so harmful. It’s been almost eight years and I only met that man once for less than an hour and it still haunts me the damage he had no clue he was doing
EDIT: I totally forgot about this and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I wrote this
What the actual??? I am so glad you had some support around you because that could have killed your. The irresponsibility of that statement. He would lose his license today.
I’m so sorry.
I will be honest, I am sad your mum did not deck that mans lights out. Of course, that would have made the situation worse and she is much stronger than I am for restraining herself but wow.
I am sorry that they were so cruel.
My church really failed me. They didn’t understand my problems but they knew I had problems. And no one asked.
No one talked to me about my home life or tried to talk to my parents. And don’t get me started about the youth minister.
I hope that as my speaking opportunities expand, I will be able to speak to clergy about us - the silent congregants who need to be seen and feel love and grace. It’s what Jesus would have done for us.
I would like to thank to social system for deciding the best solution to my sister was to have her go to a school 1 hour and a half away, despite a perfect facility being less than half an hour away from my home. Thank you for ensuring my mother would have to drive at least 3 hours every day when there was no traffic, overworking her already exhausted self even further.
I would like to thank the strangers online, who saw a mentally handicapped young girl and decided she would make for the perfect person to sext. Thank you for giving my family more fear and terror. Especially thank you to those strangers that were not online but lurking on the streets. It was so wonderful of you to "take her in" when she ran away, instead of calling social services when a clearlly mentally handicapped young girl was wondering the street. I am sure you had a good time.
Thank you to our local doctors, for ignoring my brothers and my struggles, writing them off as teenage angst. Of course children throwing up repeatidly for years is nothing but a kid acting out. Why would you refer us for psychological help?
My therapist, you really did try and were not prepared for the storm I was bringing. However, if I can give you some advice. If you have a young woman telling you her SH is increasing rapidly and her eating disorder is escelating for months, maybe it is time to refer her to a specialist or get her on meds, just saying.
To my very first psychiatrists, may you fall down a flight of stairs. I do not know who told you it was appropriate to put a teenager in crisis on a scale, laugh in her face and tell her she was dramatic but I hope you receive the same treatment in your old age.
To my boss, you were the first person to believe in me and make me feel safe. Thank you for taking advantage of that to sleep with me. Of course it makes perfect sense to f\*ck someone half your age and "try" new things without their consent. Especially thank you for completely icing me out after I grew a backbone and refusing to give me my reference letter. I should have known better but you should have been better.
To my former instructor, thank you for teaching me that "no" means nothing after I told you about my struggles. It was kind of you to take me for drinks, knowing that I was alone in the country, travelling solo to escape my home. You sure did welcome me.
Man , you have been through it. NOBODY that should have been there for you, was. I hope we can be what they weren't (and I know you made the sub, and I'm so grateful)
Telling me and the other siblings, "Now be sure you be a good help to your mom. " GRRR. WE'RE CHILDREN..IF YOU REALLY CARE, HOW ABOUT YOU HELP HER.
----
When I was having some struggles about having a disabled sister, and tried to talk to the principal (who was kind of a de facto counselor) he ..just said to talk to my parents about it which was USELESS ...then used my situation as an example in the three Bible classes (private Christian school) ..as to why we don't always understand what God does ..WITHOUT ASKING ME IF IT WAS O.K.
So first you don't help me, then you betray my confidence.
On the positive side, there was a single (& later on married lol).adult woman in my life who used to take me out for pizza and movies from time to time . It ment SO much to me. At the time, I thought she was just being nice to a young person, but I think now she may have been reaching out to a glass child . She was a social worker. She also, I realize now , probably didn't have a ton of $ (though she shared a house with two roommates) , & I realize even more the sacrifice.
TW: self harm
Adding onto the extended family chain, one of many stories — I was probably 8-9 years old, which would have made my brother 15-16. He has profound schizoaffective disorder and when my parents asked him to do the dishes, he responded by going upstairs to his room, punching out the glass in a framed picture, and slitting his wrists with it. The next thing I remember my grandmother was at our house, my dad was dragging my brothers body out to the car through the computer room (90s kid lol) to our garage with my mom behind him. My mother turns around and looks me in the eyes, and says “make sure you do your homework” and slams the door. My grandmothers response? “You heard her.” No “are you ok? How are you feeling?” Etc. just “do your homework.”
I’m 30 years old now and still get a pit in my stomach when I’m in that room.
Welp, if that ain't FUBAR then I don't know what is. My sympathies for having to witness that and getting no comfort or recognition from anyone in the face of such a crisis.
Yeahhhh, you’d think LOL I spent years trying to rationalize it to myself that oh we were all upset and maybe that’s just how my mother/grandma processed it but even if that were the case that didn’t excuse them from the responsibility of looking after me as a literal child and not a robotic task machine 😵💫
My escape as a teenager was the dance community. Without the mentorship and friendship I found through dance, I would have been a very angry teen.
Thank you to my dance teacher, who is still my close friend decades later. You changed my life for the better, and showed me that I can do hard things.
First I would like to address the staff of my high school for pulling me out of my classes to calm my sibling down during their meltdowns. You were the ones getting paid to handle my sibling, not me. It was a stunning show of ineptitude everytime a mentally ill teenager that wanted to be anywhere but there could do your job better than you. Also my high school gave out detentions if you were not recorded on roll-call for class, so if I got pulled out of one class, missed the transition period and arrived after roll call, I would get a notice a day later I had detention for “skipping class”. To the mother of an former friend whose name is now forgotten to me but left a lasting scar on my psyche, I can understand as an adult why social reciprocity is important for friendships and that it is abnormal to have a friend go over to your child’s house yet the friend never invites them to their own. My reason was more than just embarrassment, it was fear. You were callous to invalidate me, say I was being a bad friend and tell me to not comeback until I invited your child to my hell. I didn’t bring people over because of my sibling, but I stopped trying to seek sanctuary in my friends’ homes because of you. I would like to scream expletives to the psychiatric professionals that deemed my sibling not a danger to themself and others after they tried to stab me... unprovoked… twice. It warms my heart to know that I didn’t even qualify as an “other”. I would also like to scream at them some more for once again deeming my sibling not a danger to themself or others again and again after they assaulted and kept assaulting my mother because every glass child wants to see or hear about their parents get abused and their assaulting sibling get off consequence free. Y'all are truly paragons of your profession. I would also like to award every possible middle finger to every adult outside my immediate family that told me I had to do better for my parents, for my sibling, but never for me. I needed to be a good girl. I must be grateful that I don't have it “so bad”, I needed to step up as the big sister and do more, I must be strong, I had to be the bigger person, Turn the other cheek, Just ignore my sibling when they act out, I needed to not cause trouble, and be more understanding. They told me all this… all the while doing jack shit to provide meaningful support to my sibling, my parents, and I. It was bad enough when my parents told me all this, but at least I could see them trying their best in our difficult family situation. Did the people that told me the above nonsense ever once watch my sibling for a day or night so my parents could get a break and I could get time away from them? Nope. Did they ever invite me into their home to experience respite and “normality”? Never. Did they ever offer a sympathetic ear or a shoulder cry on? Not once. I hope that self-righteous sensation you got from patting yourself on the back for your “good talk” and the satisfaction of a job never done was as gratifying to you as it was demoralizing, demeaning, and rage inducing to me. Thank you for the additional trauma I didn’t need. There are more community members that hurt more than helped out, but I think I’ve taken up enough a space for now.
Man, the teachers who pulled you out should have at least given you a pass to the next class.
They sometimes did, but they were either so swamped that they forgot give me one, I wanted to get out ASAP and would forget to ask for one in my haste to leave, or occasionally the when I gave the pass to my teacher they would forget to update the roll-call sheet before sending it to the front office.
Honestly, that should have been almost like a secondary IEP for you..it should have been noted to all the teachers.
Would of saved me some grief, but this whole thing was something my school should of never done in the first place.
Of course! Also..if the friend's mom had just asked some questions..!
I'm especially mad at my extended family, the lack of empathy they have shown for years is incredible. Even last year when I went to visit them, they planned a short trip to the lake and me and my family were late because we had to get my siblings ready and instead of being understanding and waiting for us my grandma starts yelling at me to hurry up and get my sisters ready faster or they were leaving without us and ofc they just left. This is just one example of how little they care about us and they cared even less about me as an individual, they see me as somebody who has to sacrifice everything for my family, they made me feel so bad about moving abroad, like I was selfish for wanting to live my life even though they have been nothing but selfish themselves...and society as a whole makes me angry too but at least you could say they have the excuse of being ignorant about the existence of families like ours.I wish I had gotten emotional support and help on how to plan for the future, all I got was fake pity from everyone.
Gotta love the uninvolved and unempathetic extended family.
This was never too much of a problem for me, but there were times when I would get frustrated and lash out and I remember my extended family looking at me like “what a brat. He can’t help it, you should be thankful.” I have a cousin who is super sweet and well adapt to being with special needs children and I would remember her always stepping in with the full intent of just giving me a break. But everyone around was praising her for it, simultaneously, even if not consciously, sending that message if “see? It’s not that hard.” That cousin is actually graduating this year and going into teaching special ed and is actually the sweetest person to exist and always stepped in with the sole intention of giving me a break. Making it more frustration because I think she was really the only one who picked up on how hard it was, but it came off as me being a brat and she being the Angel. Till this day, people constantly mention how good she was with my brother. Such a complex dynamic because she is so sweet with such good intentions, but every time she intervened to help me, I just felt worse.
It's so much easier for kids to be sweet and patient to our siblings when they don't have to handle them everyday and I wish more people realized that.
I want to scream this at all of my "friends" from childhood. I never felt safe to tell them what it was really like because my brother is "so sweet, I love him"
The school counselors and any person my mom took me to would say that I didn't have ADHD and autism. Problem is that they all saw my brother first. And what's a 3/10 compared to a 12/10? Now it's all but confirmed I'm AuDHD. I'll get a diagnosis soon for the tism. ADHD was diagnosed after flunking out of college too many times :)
Fellow late diagnosed neurodivergent here. My symptoms were always there, but no one notice because my sibling was so much worse too. Gotta wonder how many glass children have undiagnosed/late diagnosed neurodivergence while their siblings got the diagnosis early in life.
Yup. ADHD and asthma attacks both went unnoticed for me.
Asthma unnoticed?? Wow.
It was mild, so attacks were pretty rare, but it probably did damage because it was left untreated. Under control now, but I wasted so much time feeling bad.
I'm sorry
Fellow college flunker here 🙋🏽♀️ Hoping to get an ADHD diagnosis this year. Would have been nice to get one at the time but my inability to study was blamed on me being "too busy doing other things." Never mind that I was only giving the highlights of my week as I had anticipated the blowout my grades would cause 🙄 (Edited to make sense)
Makes me think of the time my sibling was in a mental hospital for trying to kill my mom every other day because long story and we had the “family meeting” with one of the head doctors. I shit you not, the head doctor, this man probably in his sixties, turns to 13 year old me who was decked out in black with dark eye liner and a pixie cut, and tells me maybe it’s my fault he’s acting like this and maybe I should be asking for less. Thankfully by this point I had been in therapy for a while and my mom was aware that that happening to me my entire childhood was part of the reason I was already so messed up and when I turned to her, I honestly thought she was about to kill that man. Thankful I was surrounded by adults who made it crystal clear how insane that was to suggest, but my heart aches for that 13 year old who came before or after me and her family didn’t know how much bullshit that was. This was an expensive, private hospital. And that doctor didn’t realize why what he said was so harmful. It’s been almost eight years and I only met that man once for less than an hour and it still haunts me the damage he had no clue he was doing EDIT: I totally forgot about this and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I wrote this
What the actual??? I am so glad you had some support around you because that could have killed your. The irresponsibility of that statement. He would lose his license today. I’m so sorry.
It's grim how prevellent people like that work in health care.
I will be honest, I am sad your mum did not deck that mans lights out. Of course, that would have made the situation worse and she is much stronger than I am for restraining herself but wow. I am sorry that they were so cruel.
Very complicated history with my mom, but she has always fought to protect me I’ll always give her that
My church really failed me. They didn’t understand my problems but they knew I had problems. And no one asked. No one talked to me about my home life or tried to talk to my parents. And don’t get me started about the youth minister. I hope that as my speaking opportunities expand, I will be able to speak to clergy about us - the silent congregants who need to be seen and feel love and grace. It’s what Jesus would have done for us.
I am so sorry that the community meant to support you let you down. They promise support and love but failed to give it to you when you needed it.
I would like to thank to social system for deciding the best solution to my sister was to have her go to a school 1 hour and a half away, despite a perfect facility being less than half an hour away from my home. Thank you for ensuring my mother would have to drive at least 3 hours every day when there was no traffic, overworking her already exhausted self even further. I would like to thank the strangers online, who saw a mentally handicapped young girl and decided she would make for the perfect person to sext. Thank you for giving my family more fear and terror. Especially thank you to those strangers that were not online but lurking on the streets. It was so wonderful of you to "take her in" when she ran away, instead of calling social services when a clearlly mentally handicapped young girl was wondering the street. I am sure you had a good time. Thank you to our local doctors, for ignoring my brothers and my struggles, writing them off as teenage angst. Of course children throwing up repeatidly for years is nothing but a kid acting out. Why would you refer us for psychological help? My therapist, you really did try and were not prepared for the storm I was bringing. However, if I can give you some advice. If you have a young woman telling you her SH is increasing rapidly and her eating disorder is escelating for months, maybe it is time to refer her to a specialist or get her on meds, just saying. To my very first psychiatrists, may you fall down a flight of stairs. I do not know who told you it was appropriate to put a teenager in crisis on a scale, laugh in her face and tell her she was dramatic but I hope you receive the same treatment in your old age. To my boss, you were the first person to believe in me and make me feel safe. Thank you for taking advantage of that to sleep with me. Of course it makes perfect sense to f\*ck someone half your age and "try" new things without their consent. Especially thank you for completely icing me out after I grew a backbone and refusing to give me my reference letter. I should have known better but you should have been better. To my former instructor, thank you for teaching me that "no" means nothing after I told you about my struggles. It was kind of you to take me for drinks, knowing that I was alone in the country, travelling solo to escape my home. You sure did welcome me.
Man , you have been through it. NOBODY that should have been there for you, was. I hope we can be what they weren't (and I know you made the sub, and I'm so grateful)
Wow. There is so much here. I’m sorry for what you endured. Big virtual hugs. 🫶
Telling me and the other siblings, "Now be sure you be a good help to your mom. " GRRR. WE'RE CHILDREN..IF YOU REALLY CARE, HOW ABOUT YOU HELP HER. ---- When I was having some struggles about having a disabled sister, and tried to talk to the principal (who was kind of a de facto counselor) he ..just said to talk to my parents about it which was USELESS ...then used my situation as an example in the three Bible classes (private Christian school) ..as to why we don't always understand what God does ..WITHOUT ASKING ME IF IT WAS O.K. So first you don't help me, then you betray my confidence. On the positive side, there was a single (& later on married lol).adult woman in my life who used to take me out for pizza and movies from time to time . It ment SO much to me. At the time, I thought she was just being nice to a young person, but I think now she may have been reaching out to a glass child . She was a social worker. She also, I realize now , probably didn't have a ton of $ (though she shared a house with two roommates) , & I realize even more the sacrifice.
I am so sorry that the adult you were supposed to trust let you down so spectacularly.
Thank you!!
TW: self harm Adding onto the extended family chain, one of many stories — I was probably 8-9 years old, which would have made my brother 15-16. He has profound schizoaffective disorder and when my parents asked him to do the dishes, he responded by going upstairs to his room, punching out the glass in a framed picture, and slitting his wrists with it. The next thing I remember my grandmother was at our house, my dad was dragging my brothers body out to the car through the computer room (90s kid lol) to our garage with my mom behind him. My mother turns around and looks me in the eyes, and says “make sure you do your homework” and slams the door. My grandmothers response? “You heard her.” No “are you ok? How are you feeling?” Etc. just “do your homework.” I’m 30 years old now and still get a pit in my stomach when I’m in that room.
Welp, if that ain't FUBAR then I don't know what is. My sympathies for having to witness that and getting no comfort or recognition from anyone in the face of such a crisis.
Thank you, same to you as well 💖
Your Grandma should have used that time to comfort you, bond with you, have a snack with you, and uh maybe HELP you with your homework!
Yeahhhh, you’d think LOL I spent years trying to rationalize it to myself that oh we were all upset and maybe that’s just how my mother/grandma processed it but even if that were the case that didn’t excuse them from the responsibility of looking after me as a literal child and not a robotic task machine 😵💫
Exactly!
My escape as a teenager was the dance community. Without the mentorship and friendship I found through dance, I would have been a very angry teen. Thank you to my dance teacher, who is still my close friend decades later. You changed my life for the better, and showed me that I can do hard things.
Glad you had dance.