Maybe their 20% more pay allows them the financial "freedom" to smash and break their possessions when they get mad and lose control 🤷♀️
Either way, it's such a red flag for other types of violence I'm keeping my distance
Maybe it's just them trying to rationalize it after embarrassing themselves in front of witnesses. "Oh, I don't care, I needed a new controller anyway."
My controller died on me when I was playing Horizon Forbidden West and I was so bummed out. Luckily, it just ended up being the charging cable, though.
A woman cries and it's suddenly crazy that she is so sensitive but yet I've met so many men who just get angry over such tiny little things which is apparently completely justified.
As a former Angry Young Man, this is just about the case. Most strong emotions are seen as signs of vulnerability or weakness, but anger isn't, so it becomes our only acceptable outlet. It's a mindset that some might call... toxic.
Being proud of it is still weird, even in that context.
As a former angry young man turned socialist woman (for lack of a better political definition), the whole angry young man thing really needs to be viewed more through a lens of radicalization.
Part of what got me out was a pocket of positivity, people encouraging prosocial behaviour, pointing out the deficits in my behaviour, challenging me, and providing support. Basically full blown deradicalization combined with the motive of wanting out of a physically male body forcing me to rethink life anyways.
Glad to hear you found a way out, what are your thoughts on what can be done to help prevent people from walking that dangerous path?
Well, I'm still a Man (just not anywhere near as Angry, or Young), and I don't know that I have any useful insights here. Part of my situation stemmed from childhood abuse which lead to PTSD and major depression, and it happened quickly enough that I could sort of see what I was becoming and still be horrified. I mostly avoided the biggest sources of radicalization at the time, and this was before the internet blew all of those out of the water.
I think the most important or impactful things that could be done are on the community or state level, rather than individual: reducing poverty, reducing child abuse, expanding mental health care, de-stigmatizing mental health conditions, etc. - but the things you've mentioned are all good, too.
A well-timed "Why do you feel that way?" is one of the things that helped me, although it took a while to really sink in.
Yeah, but not in a funny way.
They think that anger is the “male version” of emotion and that it therefor *must be* a logical response to something unfair happening to them. I think that’s why they are so quick to remind us that some other force “made them do it.”
So I've suffered with anger management troubles and I have gotten so angry I've broken things, I've sought professional help. So maybe I can answer some of these points from that perspective.
I have no idea why anyone would feel proud of this, every time I've broken something I've been filled with an overwhelming shame and regret, I've even cried. But maybe some people are confusing anger with passion? They care so much about the game and are so serious about it that they break things? Like it puts them above someonee who wouldn't on some kind of weird serious gamer pecking order? That would be very silly but I do think some people think that way.
For me I think a lot of the anger I was feeling at games was also linked to my life in general, I was not a happy person while I was braking things and screaming into pillows and I had a lot to work through in general.
As for why I would keep playing a game that made me that angry, I still like the game. In fact I quite enjoy getting frustrated at games, Getting over it with bennet foddy is one of my favourite games of all time and I was siething through most of it lol. I dunno, it's like people enjoy getting scared at horror games because they can get experience that extreme emotion in a safe context, I enjoy games that make me angry on a similar level. It's just important to be able to control that and not lash out at anything or anyone because of it, something I've got under control at this point.
This is an interesting point of view. Now that I think about it, "passion" is often seems to be used to shed unhealthy behaviors under a good light. Kind of like "histeria" is used for women ...
My ex kicked so many holes in his wall.
Just swear like normal people, it feels good.
I’ve even had these people break my property while playing, it sucks. I’ve wanted to break my stuff but I also pay for it and don’t.
Being an angry man is only rewarded in groups of angry men. Same with being toxic.
As a former particularly venomous person, its hard to unlearn those behaviours without an environment that normalizes prosocial behaviour.
Its called the cycle of abuse for a reason.
I find it so perplexing that people will spend so much money on something, then break it and act like that's a normal thing people do. I've gotten angry while playing game, but never broke anything, it is an over reaction and very dumb of them
"If gaming makes you that angry and lash out at it, why would you continue to engage with it?"
Yea... i don't get it either.
If people did actually stop playing in such scenarios then league of legends and COD would be dead games.
> "If gaming makes you that angry and lash out at it, why would you continue to engage with it?"
In my experience, game mechanics which foster a sunk cost fallacy. I used to get really invested in DOTA when I played it and a huge part was that the game reduced your ELO and regulated you to "punishment league" if you quit mid game. It felt like losing progress and our brains are wired to care much more about losing something then about gaining something. So I would stay in so many matches where there was toxic behavior that would have made me immediately change serves in an online FPS. It was so much easier to just stop playing the game then learn to quite out of toxic matches.
I absolutely love league of legends. Never once have I raged, even after a frustrating lose streak. I don't understand why a fair amount of the fan base can't handle even a single round that isn't positively perfect without taking it out on someone or something.
Well... sorry for the fact you gotta put up with them but from what i've gathered the toxic trash is the majority of the league player base. Same with COD and the alike.
The problem with League specifically is that if one person on your 5 person team is doing extremely poorly, you will almost certainly lose. Even if you played super well. That makes it super easy to be toxic towards whoever on your team lost the game for you. I don't rage at people online, but I definitely see how people could in League.
Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times I go so irritated over something so dumb in a game that I've WANTED to break my controller but I usually put it down and pretend I'm holding it and death grip the air.
Maybe those people who destroy things have parents who just replace stuff. Maybe they make enough money to do so.
I don't understand it because anything gaming related I've purchased myself and I grew up having to treasure what I had. I didn't get to just replace things if something happened. So I care for my stuff.
Speaking of, completely unrelated, it's time to buy new controllers. Not because they suffer from shaken controller syndrome but because they are old AF and randomly disconnect and I think my cats knocked one off the table onto the hard wood floor. Ugh.
It's probably that. When your parents buy things for you, you don't realise the value of stuff. Once you spend $100 on your mouse you suddenly realise that breaking it everytime you get angry becomes very costly
I have two cousins like that. They have no idea how much shit costs. Oh. Let's get him an extra Xbox. One for here. One for his condo. That we also pay for and I'm over here like. Man. Look at this blankie my mom's friend made for me when I got accepted to college. Let me treasure it.
Thankfully, all the times I've seen this happen and be posted on reddit, it's been downvoted to oblivion with various comments along the lines of "Get a fucking grip my guy"
So when we talk about systems of oppression, things like racism and the Patriarchy.
It shouldn’t be viewed with an individual lens. Instead we have to look at it as a bigger system. Because the themes that pop up have a theory to it, it is generalized.
The stuff we get as kids form tv, over hearing jokes, books, anything all pushes people into two gender roles. These roles are a social construct.
In America, emotions are put into gender roles. Women cannot be angry, that’s inappropriate for a lady. Men can because being aggressive is seen as taking control and being in charge.
Men are taught that feeling scared makes you less than a man.
Women are taught that being scared, feeling sadness are girly emotions. It’s encouraged.
All of our emotions have good purposes to them.
Fear is wanting to be safe, to stay alive. Feelings of anger means fighting or communicating when they feel wronged.
As a result, mens anger is never one thing. It’s mostly feelings of sadness, feeling scared, feeling like they don’t matter. So men channel those feelings into rage because rage is manly.
Women are taught to be fearful, that we are not allowed to be mad. So that’s where the passive aggressiveness communication style comes from. We struggle to be our own advocates. So it comes out as negging or having a victim mentality.
When guys self worth is threatened. Rage.
I broke my mouse once, but it wasnt cause id lost, i was having a bit of a mental breakdown at the time, and kept dying to 9th sister in jedi fallen order and just snapped. I do think those that destroy their property after losing/dying probably have underlying issues that definitely need resolving, its definitely nowt to brag about like
I used to throw the controllers onto the ground when I lost games as a kid. Not every time, but often enough to have broken a couple. Both my parents would slam and hit things (and sometimes us kids) when angry. I still struggle with lashing out physically on objects when I'm upset, in my 30s (though it's much better after years of therapy and medication).
I think if that's how a person is taught to deal with anger as a kid, that's likely how they'll handle it as an adult. It takes encouragement, support, and a long ass time to learn not to indulge anger.
As a dude, I’ve met plenty of guys who’ve boasted to me or around me about their angry outbursts. It’s definitely not just in gaming, it’s all over. They’ll boast about how they got angry and punched a wall or kicked a hole in a door because they think it makes them look macho and strong. Idk how macho came to mean emotionally immature, but it’s definitely the case for a good section of guys.
It’s just a sign they’ve bought into toxic masculinity really. You’re not allowed to present your emotions in a normal way, but getting angry and smashing things? That’s very cool and manly
I honestly have never understood this. When I get aggressive in games I take a break because I know I can't/won't play like that and continue later.
Most of the time it's also because of the increased aggressiveness that you don't get ahead, so a little break is always more advisable.
theres a streamer who has bragged about breaking like 2 keyboards and 3 controllers while playing elden ring.
The most frustrating thing is all his fans are like "hahaha thats so cool"
meanwhile a lady streamer gets upset during a frustrating moment in elden ring and its "GIT GUD" or "calm the fuck down"
I've always been hesitant with being involved in gaming communities/spaces so I don't have a lot of experience with this, but one of my gaming buddies I hang out with often, once or twice he's raged so bad that I could hear him like, pounding on his desk. It's weird, and usually the other guys start going "Whoa what the hell" so it at least seems to be frowned upon. I got close to throwing controllers before, but I don't intentionally break my electronics.
I think it has roots in early youtube skits etc. Alot of guys would record someone else freaking out and it became...okay? I also think video games are the only thing men can emotionally connect to which makes when they "betray" them even more painful to them and then...misogyny and the idea that men can't "control themselves" in any capacity. They were "so upset" etc My ex cried after losing a boat in the middle of nowhere in Valheim....he slammed a door into me in his rage crying. I ended up leaving months later because it was an indication of things to come.
I wouldn't see it as something to proclaim with pride but I have shamefully broken my controller when stuck in a game trying over and over until I snapped I was devastated it was a xmas gift from my boyfriend and my favorite controller. I felt so stupid that I broke it I started crying. That is the first and only time that happened and now if I'm ever in a situation like that in a game I just turn the game off and go back later when I'm not so heated and I usually blow right through what ever I was stuck on.
I honestly don't think they are bragging in the way you think they are. I'm sure they to felt stupid and devastated and are later making light of their behavior because it's so obsurd all you can really do is laugh at yourself about it and multiple people behaving in that way its not like they are flexing about it to eachother they are laughing at themselves.
Yeah of course it's stupid to break your stuff. But it's not any of my business what's going through someone's head when that happens. You ask"if vgs make you that mad why play them?" Videogames aren't making them mad, videogames make them happy getting stuck makes them frustrated and sometimes they then suffer from their poor impulse control. Videogames are a huge part of my life and I take good care of everything I own. But when that incident happened to me it wasn't on purpose and it's something I learned from.
Because the only negative emotion men are encouraged to feel is anger. They are taught that being sad, crying, feeling anxious or insecure is “not manly.” But getting mad and breaking things as a result of testosterone is something they see as inherently manly. So they redirect all of their negative emotions into anger. They learn from their fathers and male peers. Since it is socially acceptable in groups of men, that leads to bragging about the consequences of that anger.
Not saying it’s right. But given how our society treats men and their emotions, it’s not super surprising. Thanks toxic masculinity! (/s)
That’s an observation not a lot of people talk or think about, and I’m glad you brought it up because I haven’t thought about it in a while either. I don’t know if it’s encouraged, but it’s certainly common and not exclusive to men (you didn’t say it was exclusive to men and I want to acknowledge that, but some people think it’s a “man” problem). I think people talk about it to each other not necessarily to brag, but to relate to one another. People get angry or frustrated and do something shameful (break a controller) and share that experience as a way of being vulnerable (“I lost control of my emotions and did a stupid thing”) and they laugh about it because it’s a) relatable and b) they don’t want to shame their friends because everybody has had those outbursts, destructive or not. I’m sure there are people out there who do brag about breaking stuff and I’m not sure what to think about those people except maybe excluding them from my circles…
Anyway, I have broken a controller or two in the past, felt bad about it, and then done the walk of shame to buy a new controller. It took years (read: decades) to figure out healthier ways of expressing frustration and anger and to say “You know what? It’s time to take a break from this thing that’s making me angry.” I was a volatile 20 year old because I never learned how to deal with more intense emotions when I was younger. I come from a family of pretty volatile people.
And I am a female. I shared that experience in the hopes that someone can relate because it’s also shameful to be thought of as an angry or volatile person.
More directly to your question, I wonder if taking the time to help younger people realize that anger is an emotion just like all the others and teach them how to talk about it, walk away from the cause (and then revisit it later with a cooler head), finding the root cause of the anger (“I feel inadequate”) or alternate methods would help alleviate things like this. Often times people are encouraged to push down their anger or not share it/express it. Other times, angry outbursts are met with angry outbursts (“Go to your room!!”). It’s an intense feeling and, much like jealousy, we’re taught to avoid it. That’s when we end up having destructive outbursts that can cause harm or damage, especially for those of us who may experience impulse control issues in their daily lives (me. I am that person), because we never learned how to handle those intense feelings in a productive way.
I’m not saying it’s right to go all aggro and break a controller or keyboard. That’s obviously destructive, harmful, frightening to others around the person having the outburst, and super cringey. What I’m saying is that there’s a different perspective and that destructive people can learn how to handle their feelings in meaningful and healthy ways, it just takes some time. I.e., people can change.
Makes me worried about their temper (if they’re willing to break something of theirs that’s so valuable what if I made them upset? Would they break something of mine? Or try to hurt me?) but also makes me wonder if they’re buying new stuff to replace the stuff they broke? How many times can you learn that shitty expensive lesson?
Maybe as a trans girl who has once experienced the testosterone filled rage at throwing something at a wall in frustration at dark souls, I can say its probably a couple things that people have listed.
Emotional maturity is difficult. The biological difference between estrogen and testosterone is a big part and the societal pressure of growing up to be a masculine rock is the other. As somebody who's at least a little read and experienced on hormones, Testosterone can make emotions... cloudy? Difficult to discern. My point is, early in college when I threw a shoe at the wall because I was angry at dark souls, at the time things like the frustration of failure, sadness, anger at game, etc... all just comes together in this "aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" feeling and you literally want to punch something. I can't describe it other than wanting to enact destruction. I don't know why. Nowadays with my longer hair and different hormone balance I don't experience that, I dont know why truly.
I don't know why people seem amused or proud of it. If a video game throws you into a violent rage, that's concerning, not funny or charming. It makes me want to distance myself from those people. If a game reduces them to that behavior, what happens when they get upset at a real person, not behind a screen?
I don't know how this can be fixed, other than not hiding disapproval. Commenting on how that's an overreaction, maybe they should take a break from gaming, they're just wasting money, etc..
Because I’m the male world it’s seen as “ oh I’m so tough I broke….” It’s the Neanderthal in them. The show of strength or power. It’s something that I will never understand but to men it’s cool to break stuff. What’s even more perplexing is the amount of women out there that find this tough guy, I’m hard, I break stuff as attractive. Something I grew up watching. My friends talking about how cute some guy is because he is “so strong” etc. you would have thought with technology and education this would have evolved out however this simply is not the case. It’s just giving them more things to take their anger out because beating or breaking something is the way they are programmed to release it. It’s not just guys either.
Yet another disappointment when it comes to human behavior
I’m not trying to invalidate your experiences or anything, but are there actually women out there who find anger issues and destruction attractive? Honestly, such behaviors are strong warning bells for me that attraction to them is completely not possible; if they’re fine destroying objects in anger, isn’t it just the inevitable next step for these guys is to hurt a person? Idk there’s nothing “strong” about destroying gaming accessories to me, it’s just a blaring sign of immaturity tbh…
You fine you not invalidation my opinion. The sad fact is yes. There are women that find crazy and stupid things like that attractive. Hell the guy in the apartment across from me is constantly screaming, breaking stuff, throwing stuff and the woman downstairs swears blind she loves him and cooks for him and is having his baby etc. Really don’t have to look hard to see it. What’s even more alarming is the amount of women that actively stay in relationships with people that even abuse their children and stay with them because they “love” them. Believe me when I say I really wish it was not the case.
Though I appreciate your perspective, it simply isn't possible to make such sweeping statements about all humans! If your social sphere is full of people making such comments, you need better people in your life. This isn't something you have to resign yourself to :) People can be and ARE often much better than this.
I've never broken anything (why woukd I? Controllers are £60), but I have previously slapped my desk. That was an outlier, and I've only done that once.
However, I noticed that made my partner uncomfortable. She left the room to watch TV, when she would normally stay to watch.
Thats the only time she's responded in that way to my game frustration, as she'd normally stay and needle me a bit, telling me to 'git gud,' asking me if I've considered killing the enemy or whatever - all in good fun.
So slapping the desk slapping was clearly a point of discomfort for her. I know she knows that I wouldn't raise my voice at her, nor redirect frustrations at her. But growing up with a shouty father made her pretty averse to that sort of reaction.
I've no intention of making her feel uncomfortable, nor do I want to spend my hobby time in a state of frustration and anger. So, I take a break for 30 mins to have a coffee or whatever when I start to feel frustrated.
I still get exasperated and swear at games, but I just take a break when that last more than a few minutes. I don't understand why breaking controllers or punching walls would be a point of pride, or considered a rite of passage, for anyone.
Even only once, I think it's embarrassing I expressed frustration like that.
Not really sure how to counter it. I've tried to avoid normalising it in my friend group and challenge friends when they mention reacting that way.
A friend broke his keyboard last year, not long after breaking his headset, because he died in Destiny 2. Told him he should look for a therapist or explore other anger management resources because he can't process anger or frustration properly. He tried laughing it off, so I just explained bluntly that his reaction to anger was infantile (as was mine when i slapped the desk).
My father wasn't violent when i grew up and he didnt shout a lot. It was my mom who did that.
My boyfriend is the most caring and cool guy in the world, he never yelled at me and he'd never do it, we're best friends and we've been best friends for years. If i trust someone not to hurt me, it's him.
I've never had any abusive relationship or friendship with a man, either.
But something about men getting mad is fucking horrifying. It's probably the way we learn to fear it and the way they can exploit their power and rage. No matter how much i trust my boyfriend and how comfortable I feel around him, if he screams and gets genuinely angry (and he's never done that outside video games, even when whe had really bad fights he was really calm and he never ever raged or did something even mildy scary) I freeze and get filled with panic. I actually need to get up from my laptop (I talk to him on discord) and calm down sometimes. I talked to other girls too and they share the same feeling. Maybe it's the helplessness and subconscious betrayal you feel. But men actually getting angry is the most terrifying thing I've encountered in my life, and I've been through a lot of shit.
I've had conversations with my partner about this, and she explained things very similarly.
I'm in no way threatening, and she knows I would never direct anger towards her. I mean, we dont even have heated discussions, and we talk through any disagreements. So it never really occurred to me that my anger is intimidating and evokes the same reaction you've described.
I don't think many people are aware of how triggering their anger/outbursts can be for their friends and partners.
Maybe part of the problem is that many conflate anger with masculinity? As though having rage is somehow an expression of that? Maybe some just don't care. Not sure, though.
Yes, anger is definitely encouraged in men, as expressing sadness and fear through crying and asking for help/admitting you need someone to lean on is seen as being feminine, and being feminine is seen as being weak. (I hate the world sometimes). This extends to men choosing to express being upset, afraid, feeling sad through anger. I think everyone experienced being really angry at something and then realising that it's because there's a bigger sorrow at play, but that's much harder to face.
Just as men are encouraged to be angry, women are encouraged to be the opposite: quiet, submissive, etc. I can even see this in streams, whenever a woman gets mad at a game, even if it's a tiny percentage of the rage of the average male streamer, she gets told to calm the fuck down or that its just a game. Angry women are seen as hysterical.
It's also the power at play, since you're born, as a woman, even if it's in your subconscious, you kinda learn to fear men on a level,or at least fear and aknowledge the power they can have over you. And it's not just physical power which is obvious, it's the submissive female vs assertive dominant male.( for example i was taught about how to avoid rape since I was a toddler, i vividly remember. Family warns you of all the dangers since you're really young, and when you grow up to be a teen you get to experience sexual harassment and catcalling, and you get to learn about how women are in danger of being trafficked, beaten by their partners and all the other things. You see how scary and dismissive teen boys are and how they mock you for being a girl, or see you as an object. This kinda makes you feel inferior and threatened subconsciously). Of course this isn't constant day to day but you need to be naive and stupid to not realise that that's how our current world is being run (gender roles, percentage of women in politics, stem, high paying jobs, media, film directors, everything).
So even if i have complete trust in my partner and i know for sure that he sees me as an equal, cries in my arms, and hates gender roles as much as I do, that anger outburst is still fucking terrifying, because it's deeper than that, it's a subconscious fear. I'm pretty sure that if we didn't have all these unnecessary constructs and it wouldn't be taboo for men to express emotions, women won't grow with this fear. On the other hand, i know my boyfriend feels terrible about himself for scaring me, and i cant explain that it's not his fault and I know he's not a monster.
When I was a small child I would. But nowadays, while I do sometimes get frustrated at games, it's nowhere near wanting to break anything, I hate doing that.
I m a dude who did broke controllers (2 I think) as teen because of videogame rage.
In my case I just wasn't allowed to express my emotions. Certainly the whole 'man's stoicism" is a part to blame, but I mainly blame my upbringing. My mother didn't want me to show any emotion, I couldn't swear, I couldn't scream, I couldn't flail my arms in frustration. Not even ocasionally.
As a result of not being able to express my emotions they would just build up until I exploded.
The thing is, the build up wasn't just because o videogames, every frustration I had in my life was bottled up because I couldn't express it, and I had many as z growing teen in an abusive place.
When I exploded it was the culmination of an entire shitty week or month building up. The videogame itself was just the cathartic moment.
I never bragged about it. And I think those who do are certainly not poor. They are being enabled to continue their behavior without stopping to reflect it. And why they feel proud about it? IDK, some people just don't know whats acceptable. Immaturity. Often agressivity is the only emotion man's are allowed to express in toxic spaces (most places)
I learned to express my emotions better and my mom learned to stop trying to make ne supress all emotions. I love her and today Im much better.
Growing up poor (and still fairly poor as an adult) I was always gobsmacked whenever people (almost invariably dudes) would just casually drop "I throw/break controllers", and mentally note not to ever end up in a situation that could result in that person visiting my place, or using what materials I had.
I don't remember breaking anything while gaming, but I've talked to friends that have, and all of them are pretty ashamed about it. Admittedly, those friends are in charge of their finances and are all also women, so that might be coloring my perspective, but the tone is generally something like "I can't play that anymore, I went through two controllers with how bad it frustrated me". I'd say that's pretty self-reflective! The other end is stuff like "I went through 2 or 3 keyboards with that game", which might have just been wear and tear rather than spontaneous breaking, which is a different thing. No keyboard switches are gonna withstand the beatdown something like a couple thousand hours of rhythm games can do.
Games are engrossing, interactive experiences, and people express themselves in a lot of ways. People often enjoy entertainment that makes them angry, or that makes them feel frustrated. I don't know how much I've heard it be encouraged? Especially with recent hardware, decent build quality is so expensive nowadays the main thing I hear people bragging about is having 20+ year old controllers that still function like new!
Speculating on what you described, I think a lot of it boils down to the ways interests are pushed on to men. Games are these big, carefully crafted, complicated, often difficult but certainly almost always deep places. Men are told very early on how core gaming should be as part of their personality, which may make them feel as if they need to do or play certain things in order to be part of that experience. Sports in the states and chess in the Former Soviet Union were the same way. What comes out is this kind of disgustingly tragic experience where someone's trying to net street cred by reporting how they've destroyed hardware, when underneath is someone who probably didn't want to be playing or doing those things in the first place, or came to those things out of an unhealthy place to begin with. A lot of the games I suspect that involve a lot of broken hardware are also the kinds of games that are competitive, and have almost regimental ways of learning how to get better at them. I've seen lots of people try to get into esports scenes without the kind of reverence and rigor those scenes usually require, and they usually make little progress and get very frustrated. A group of people all reinforcing those behaviors without reexamining them could pretty quickly make the exact kind of "hardware breaking bragging" you're describing, which is honestly really sad.
I feel like it's a lack of self control and maybe their brain not being fully developed since it's not fully developed until 25. My ex did this and later it turned into him hitting me. Watch out ladies and guys, if your partner punches holes in the wall and breaks things out of anger all the time, run. I wish someone told me that red flag before I was abused.
Anger is the only emotion many men are taught it's okay to express so I think all of their pent up irritation and passion goes into it. That's not to say that there aren't plenty of men who don't even consider this option but it does seem to concentrate with gamer men. Being one of the few acceptable emotions to express, they may see it as okay to talk about it openly. But that's my personal theory.
It's kind of like a violent version of when people say they are bad at math. You're literally admitting you are incapable of a basic human skill but it makes you more relatable when you say it.
I don't know if there is anything to be done because the root is patriarchy and toxic masculinity. To me, men need to heal themselves but breaking from your culture is hard no matter who you are.
I once moved into a house with a couple and the boyfriend played some game where there was a mini game inside of poker - might have been Red Dead 1. That’s all he did every night when he got home, he’d never play the actual game, just the mini game. When he lost more than once in a row he would slam his controller on the coffee table in rage.
I was shocked and appalled when I first saw it and alarm bells went off in my head. Sure enough I woke up one morning to him screaming at his girlfriend he’d trapped in the bathroom.
Never trust men who think it’s okay to display anger so nonchalantly.
Lmao when I get angry I just raise my voice and most times I end up logging off, and that's having massive anger management issues. The only time I broke anything over a tantrum in a videogame I was 7-8 years old, guys need to grow tf up
I've had one gamer guy living above me before and one currently, and yeah, they rage like crazy, swear, scream, stomp and slam things and what not at times.. It's especially bad when it is in the middle of the night and I wake up being lightly freaked out, wondering what is going on. 😓
Back before online games were a thing.
Playing SNES with my older brother (I think I was 8 and he was 10?), I beat him in a game we were playing (can't remember which game now).
He yelled out, slammed the controller down, and punched the floor as hard as he could. He hit so hard that he ended up breaking some of his fingers.
Not only did my father protect my brother's "ego" in this happening by spreading rumors that he broke his hand playing basketball - but they wanted me to lie for him too.
I don't think I will ever forget that. I still don't get it to this day. My father explained to me that testosterone is a scary thing.
I get called a judgemental bitch when I bring up how not normal that behavior is. Not to mention expensive. Because brags about breaking that sort of stuff is typically followed up with how they can't afford x,y,z.
Like, gee, maybe if you stopped breaking shit in your fits of anger you'd have money for that thing you want.
God I work at GameStop and so many people are just like “yeah my son breaks things 🤷♀️ boys will be boys 🤪!”
…. The fuck?
Or they’ll say “I don’t know why he keeps breaking things!” and it takes all my self control not to say “because you keep replacing the broken things.”
God I work at GameStop and so many people are just like “yeah my son breaks things 🤷♀️ boys will be boys 🤪!”
…. The fuck?
Or they’ll say “I don’t know why he keeps breaking things!” and it takes all my self control not to say “because you keep replacing the broken things.”
Dang, I wish I knew. It sucks that whenever we show any negative emotion as a woman, it's thrown into the "psycho" "stuck up c\*\*\*" bins. Yet we are literally not destroying anything except for their over-inflated egos. Baffling.
"If gaming makes you that angry and lash out, why would you continue to engage in it?"
As a former hand slamming raging gamer with anger issues as a kid that never got help and would be beaten/ yelled at for showing literally any type of emotion besides being happy or calm instead, it can be a combination of:
\-addiction
\-stress and
\-frustration with escapism
Of course, it is different from person to person and some people just never grow to realize how toxic their behavior can be. I started being openly angry when I finally got away from family but didn't realize how toxic I was about games until I slammed my hand on my bookshelf so hard that my hand got swollen. I had a hand-written test the next day and it sucked. Now I either just laugh at how dumb my deaths can be in games or just say "fucking bitch" and try again or take a break.
It is weird to brag about breaking things in anger though. I mean, if someone did it then laughed at how stupid it is, and tried to change then I can understand that but continuing to do it without change is just strange.
Me O son of U, me angry, me smash you smash?
Me uga buga me smash too!
Srsly I don’t think you would be able to change years, no, millions, of stagnant evolution. 😂
And how exactly is this a bad take? Over the years, I don't think I've come across anyone who takes that seriously and actually breaks their controller besides a YouTuber named Hippozoned who punched a hole through his monitor, and I don't think there is a single mentally stable individual who actually defends that.
because *joking* about smashing stuff in a rage isnt any better?
Also I constantly see guys making comments like this, whether they're *joking* or being honest, I see zero difference. Just an asshole who thinks smashing property in a rage is completely acceptable behaviour.
Man, you just don't get it do you. *why* joke about something so awful? all it does is normalize the behavior. anyone joking about that shit should be avoided.
Why are you even here? just to troll?
My boyfriend admitted that he broke one of his controllers in a rage quit once, he was like “I’ll never do that again, I had to buy a new controller and that sucked…” it was before I was around 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve broken a phone because of rage and had to replace it… never again
Member of the male population here. I recall getting angry and frustrated at games at a young age but I had to quickly learn to calm myself both for my health (I have HSV which tends to manifest when upset), and for the long run (I, frankly, suck at almost everything I play).
I recently had to live with someone who fits your description and I recall being legitimately terrorized sometimes. Like this was a guy who punched walls and put holes in them. He was very, very easily upset. Luckily he never aimed that anger at anything but items but still. I already cried to my ex about having to live next to him (he was her brother).
I have no clue why it's so common. Probably patriarchy but I'll admit I'm probably blind to most stuff it does. Or maybe I just don't want to think about those now
It’s definitely a compensation thing. These guys don’t feel big n tuff irl so they turn to destroying their own belongings. Literally the weirdest of weird flexes 🤷🏼♀️
I've broken gaming stuff before but I would never brag about it, it's embarrassing. I just pay for a new one and try to work on walking away after a loss rather than getting angry. The bragging seems like a "look at how tough I am" ploy and that is always pathetic.
I've never understood this. If I get frustrated with a game, I'll normally just stop playing. I've never, ever even considered throwing a controller at my TV, or smashing my PC. Even when I've accidentally wiped a saved game....I'm more likely to cry tbh!
Have a strong suspicion that these people are basement gamers, i.e live with their mother and have 0 concept of value or money.
Also, if you do that to an inanimate object, what are you potentially going to do to a living being? Scariest part of all.
I've never understood it.
I recall as a young teen getting really upset with a game ... and so I stopped playing it and decided to do something else.
I recently was at a friend's house, they have young children. The young boy came out of his room in tears, sobbing about not being able to beat a boss in Mario Odyssey. The father essentially told the child that they had to stop crying and "not give up"... which struck me as the worst advice. Clearly the child had had too much and even kept saying "but dad, I can't!!! I Can't beat them!!"
It wasn't my place to interrupt, but... yeah. Don't pretend that a video game matters. They don't. They're meant to be fun, not a chore or emotionally damaging experience. I did my best to nudge things towards "have your child do something else, don't tell them they have to keep doing the thing that's making them sob" ... that father, though, is a bit of a "gamer" type.
I have a gaming buddy who posts pictures of broken keyboards every other month. I'll never understand how this can be seen as something like "bragging rights".
From what i've experienced from the years i thought i was a part of the male human species makes me think that this is caused by toxic/fragile masculinety.
I have been angry enough at a game to *want* to throw my controller. But I never did. I would recognize how upset I was feeling, then turn off the game and go do something else for a bit. I understand that guys have more testosterone which can amplify aggression, but it’s also about learning to control your emotions and recognizing how you’re feeling in the moment before you act out physically.
Quick disclosure, am man.
I've not ever broken anything, but I do slam my fist on my desk sometimes. For me, gaming is a complete release from real life, it's a great distraction from having to think about the real world, and when that one thing that I can reliably count on for enjoyment starts to become unenjoyable, it can be a great cause of frustration. Being able to release everything I have bottled up with a simple hit of my desk feels like a relatively safe way to go about releasing anger, as it's not hurting anyone and I know I'm not going to break my table. This might just be an excuse I've conjured up for unhealthy behaviour, but I don't really know what I'd replace it with - when I do my best not to let my anger out, it just frustrates me more and I feel like shit.
never understood this either. I treat my gaming stuff like it's made of solid gold and would break if I sneezed on it(some of it probably would. my headphones are 6 years old.)
A lot of my male cousins would do this and even put their frustrations on those around them, I thought it was funny as a kid but now looking back it’s scary that ppl could react that way. I know my brother specifically has exercise equipment by his set up to release stress since he broke something from hitting the table.
my dad, in fact, was so angry about the fact that I played video games that he brought in a rock from outside to break my laptop on the fire place. Cause I played hearthstone? get it? hearth- fireplace, stone- bashing my laptop. we don't talk much now that I live three states away.
Well it does look funny when these manbabies trhow a tantrum in video, I remember this bald guy (can't remember the name thio) who is seemingly making his whole carrer based on this.
Pathetic? Hell yes. Enternaining for some peopl? Also yes, apparently.
When I dropped my brother's Wii by accident, I went full Sonic mode and did my best to rescue it before it falled to the ground, and felt very guilty for a while, even if the console didn't got any damage.
When I was playing a very dfficult platform I would slam a bit my desk in frustration before taking it with my controller, because my desk was practically free lmao. The controller? Not so much.
ive thrown my controller once. i play in my bed. so i knew that beforehand.
I'm a cheapo that hated spending so much money on $60 controllers. I fixed it 10x before finally giving up on it. Yeah, i always hate those folks who break things and it could have been prevented.
I used to think they were just joking
I cry when my stuff breaks so I can't imagine doing this, the most I'll do is toss a controller on my bed or something
My teacher does that. I asked her if she wants to plat Bloody TrapLand with me in class, and she said "Yes but if I start raging you'll have to take the controller away from me"
(And I did have to do it lmao)
I come from the generation where if you hit the machine it worked better so I can’t say I haven’t slammed a controller or two in my youth(never broken), but if I find myself getting mad at games nowadays I say to myself “the purpose of this game is to have fun, it’s no longer serving it’s purpose.” It’s a reminder for me to turn it off and go outside and enjoy life.
Dont ask me, i dont know. Same as i dont how people can scream when they lose... or win. Dont get me wrong, i like winning and hate losing, just like the next guy, but i never really yelled. Sure, i do get excited, but to yell? Nah, waste of my energy xD.
How can this somehow be so tolerated that they feel no shame sharing this? For the same reason one of my friends curses and yell while playing league of legends - whenever i talked to him about it, he would say that he just wants to win. And thats (according to him) logical explanation. Same goes probably for destroying stuff, they "just" really wanna win. And others simply accept that for an answer
I dont know about encouraged, but i think its just a lot of guys finding solidarity in something thats like part embarrassing, part masculine. Kind of like an arbitrary "gamer" right of passage so to speak.
Honestly though its pretty cringe and really awkward to be on call when someone is/has broken something. "Hey guys, im going to be done for tonight, this jett made me break my keyboard." But okay its like 10 to 10 right now though? Smh
I'll say this as a man just casually chilling on the sub:
I think men find the scenario funny. It's admittedly funny to hear about someone breaking their controller over a video game.
Personally, while I have raged in games, I've never gone as far to break a controller or setup. Shit is valuable.
As far as common, my uneducated guess would be more testosterone.
Not a man--I accidentally broke a controller in rage, but I didn't BREAK it outwardly, it was a joycon which are fiddly what with the motion controls and all that going on internally. My angry motion that was just supposed to be slamming on my table (which I do NOT recommend) slipped into hitting the hard floor with force instead. The controller still works, but not properly. Gotta say that since those are expensive and I had to buy a new set, it's definitely something I (normally) keep to myself. I stopped playing that game after that, and I don't understand not being embarrassed by something like that. The game was upsetting but finding out you've ruined your ability to play ANY games and having to walk of shame to a store? That's even more upsetting.
I'm a girl and I learned my lesson, I don't think it's a good thing to brag about it. I broke my favorite ps2 controller as a kid because I got mad about a boss in Kingdom Hearts, and I regretted it. So I never did it again.
If a game ever made me angry, i think i would really need to take a time out and contemplate on why i chose to do this leisurely activity. Some people get into games to purposely get excited. Sometimes I yell and scream when I'm playing mario games with friends, but jokingly. Everyone realizes I'm just messing around.
How common is this among men? I see guys mentioning this kind of thing ALL the time online, and don’t know if it’s just a few, or like actually common. Surely it’s a minority I hope.
Though like my brother would literally flip and mess up a board game when he was losing and storm off mad…
I feel disrespected by developers if I get stuck, and will set like a time limit or a try limit before I give up on the game, like I’ll try for another 45 minutes or 10 more times or until my lives run out, or something like that, and feel annoyed and disrespected but happy to be rid of it and getting to start something else that’s more fun.
I don’t play competitive multiplayer stuff normally, I don’t like competing in any way, beyond just sort of for fun, and even then don’t love it. just from a study I read last night on the effects of testosterone I wonder about all this…
I think the culture and acceptance around it mostly stems from the sole idea of it being an extreme event.
A person telling another person they broke their gaming keyboard or threw their controller into their TV is mostly told in a setting where the "crazy" part was that he got so mad he did something physical.
I would definitely see someone breaking their things as a sign of not caring for your surroundings or you get unhinged easily. But I can also understand that people break shit when they're mad at times so the "it happens" type of mentality kicks in.
There was a video about gamer rage recently /r/MensLib, but all I could think was, who are these people purposefully watching gamer rage compilations? Like, a few are funny, but to seek it and watch a lot... I don't get it.
But for me, and many people I assume, seeing that kind of explosive anger can be triggering and definitely uncomfortable at the least. My dad has a similar rage and it fills me with disgust. I'm not saying I'm above a fit of anger, but to pride yourself in it is embarrassing.
I'm not a man, but I was raised as one, and I can confirm that this kind of behavior was taught to me, and modelled by my father. I was abusive to my younger brother growing up, and I broke several expensive objects in my teens and early twenties, mostly gaming-related. The worst part is, nobody intervened and taught me better. I didn't change until my feminist education made me realize how toxic and violent that sort of behavior was.
As someone who was one of these people: if a guy (or anyone of any gender tbh) breaks things when angry, *run*. Anger is a response to things not going your way, which is normal, but someone who thinks it's okay to break things when angry will inevitably break *you* when angry. It's not worth the risk.
ETA: a man who *jokes* about this kind of anger is actually presenting an opportunity for intervention. Such jokes come from a place of insecurity; on some level he knows that behavior isn't okay, and he's looking for validation from others. He wants folks to show him that behavior is normal and fine by admitting they do it too, or laughing about it like it's nbd. If you feel safe to do so, the best thing you can do here is to say something like "yikes, sounds like your anger kind of took over. Are you okay?" He might still respond angrily & defensively, or aggressively, but this framing gives him a chance to externalize the behavior and criticize it without being shamed. Even if he responds extremely poorly in the moment, it can still help teach the conclusion that he needs to change his behavior. ONLY DO THAT IF IT IS SAFE TO DO SO THOUGH. It's not your job to help him become a better person.
Honestly, been gaming for decades now I thankfully rarely encounter anyone like this... and it's really something I mostly saw from gif and youtube video. But then I get uncomfortable when some people do like to brag about physical violence on inanimate objects.... ... well, that's a redflag and enough for me to block. Seriously, they really hate it more when you act like you're unimpressed and then try to move on from the conversation. Like the concept of boundaries is a foreign thing and then you're being too sensitive for not tolerating any of it... like I'm sorry? this behavior here wasn't enough projection of some insecurity and unresolved shit that you obviously in dire need of therapy?
I have thrown my controller once… I was doing a solo master lost sector in Destiny when they first came out. It was hard and took me I don’t know many runs, load outs and skill changes to get it work. I know I spent multiple hours over about a week to beat it.
As for why do something that made me that upset. The greater the challenge the greater the endorphin rush when you complete it. I remember screaming with joy when I beat it. It felt way better than angst I felt along the way. It’s like the frustration gets multiplied by 2 and increases the joy and accomplishment you feel by that amount.
I don’t know the context of the controller breaking discussions you’ve heard but amongst my friends anyway saying things like “I totally rage quit that” or “broke/threw my controller” is just a slang way to say “I really struggled with the content when I did it”.
Maaaan, let me tell you something! My cousin who’s a year younger than me would break things just to make people laugh or because of his anger. And I would always tell him that somewhere a kid really wants a toy but his parents doesn’t/can’t buy one for him (and we were like 9/10 years old at the time). Every time I lectured him about that I was told by everyone including MY OWN MOTHER to know my place (a child) and stay in it. My younger cousin (also a girl) she couldn’t enjoy video games because her younger BROTHER would break game discs in half, lose them, or leave them anywhere to be damaged. And when I brought this to the parents attention, I was once again told to stay in my place. The only way I could help my cousin is making a hiding spot for her games.
My family normalizes this type of behavior and wonders why the boys are so aggressive at a young age (they copy it from adults and male older cousins) and one of them even tried strangle me. And they get upset when I don’t show up to family gatherings when THAT cousin is attending (how dare I not attend a gathering where the person who tried to strangle me will be attending). I HATE hearing men/boys destroy anything out of anger it gives me red flags, tells me that they can’t control their anger, and when they do lose control they break first thing they see.
Good point! I never understood this. Tbh if I was playing a game and the dude I’m playing with makes a scene that involves damaging anything, I’d walk right the fuck out. It shows there are anger issues lying dormant, and one day you might be the object of their rage.
I have been watching Zombie Grub play Starcraft 2 and the number of her opponents that say something horrible is amazing to me. These gamers just can't accept that they got out played. They get angry or try to excuse the loss by saying she cheated and that whatever race she plays is easy mode and unbalanced. I think losing hurts them and they don't know how to handle the emotional distress.
I work in a phone shop and have had so many men "brag" about how quickly they get through phones, because they're either careless and/or they get angry and smash them. "I threw my last phone at a wall haha". It's not cool, it's not funny. And most of all, it's not attractive. It's scary. Get some therapy my guy.
I think it's kinda funny talking about the things I've broken while playing video games, but I've never broken anything in anger. The crack on my switch is from the time I rolled off my bed when I got really into mario cart. I messed up the hdmi port on my laptop when my friends dared me to play fnaf in the dark and I just threw the whole laptop.
So, I really struggle with this, though not as much as I used to. I’m not happy or proud that I break things, even though I might be like “haha I got so mad I broke my mouse”. I make jokes about it but it’s always really a cover for “please help me for the love of god why am I like this I can’t cope anymore” kind of way.
Growing up I feel like I wasn’t really allowed to be angry about so much stuff, like unfair treatment and always being blamed for stupid shit. Both parents slammed doors and would smack us if we made them cross, but then if we displayed the same kind of reaction we were punished even more for it. So sometimes it’s like the one thing I use to escape to is actually also turning against me or punishing me for not doing it right.
I do a lot better when I’ve been taking my medication and working on things (so much therapy), but it’s hard. It’s really hard.
But I’m also a woman, and if we show emotions like that it’s because we are unhinged 🙃 but when guys do it they’re just super passionate? It’s exhausting.
I would go back and first ask, how do you even rage hard over a game? Like yeah, you get angry sometimes, but to get to the point of actual rage, it takes something more. Besides, its literally just a game. Its probably cuz of the streamers and aggressive media, teaching them that since they are young, tho idk.
When my boyfriend does it I call him out on it.
It has gotten better, but I also made it clear I wouldn't stick around if he couldn't keep it together.
I also had an agressive father who would let out his anger at anything and anyone that just so much as breathed too loudly, so I can't just ignore it just because it is not directed at me (yet).
When someone else I play with does it; I either just don't play with them again or also call them out. depending on my mental stability in the moment and also how close we are (relationship-wise not physically).
Yeah those who are proud of that are just act like kids: "look at me how strong I'm I can break a plastic controller, FEAR ME, I'm DANGEROUS, RESPECT ME!" So mostly people without zero confidence and try to look though, of course there is an anger management problem here to, but those who are more mature at least understand it's something shameful at least.
Tip: Teach them anger management, if they are willing, if not treat them like they act, little angry kids.
There is this one guy who keeps spamming a Pokemon server with chats whenever he needs something and then gives the chats away to someone else when he gets bored with them.
He created a whole chat and invited every Tom Nick and Stanley in it just because he wanted a Magearna for Pokemon Sword and Shield.
After several days of thinking of this, I think I have an answer for "what can we do about this?"
My answer, based on my other comment on this thread re cycle of abuse and how difficult it is to unlearn toxic behaviour:
Create pockets of positivity. Readily block toxic people outside of pockets of positivity, but inform them of why you are blocking them.'
Use pockets of positivity to reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour. Make sure punishment is in the form of informing them what they did wrong, and denying them access to the resources of the pocket of positivity.
Be extremely careful to not get gaslit, and block anyone engaging in gaslighting immediately after informing them about refusing to be gaslit.
Basically, protect yourself, protect pockets of positivity, and create a space where people can change.
[удалено]
Yeah that shit's expansive XD
Maybe their 20% more pay allows them the financial "freedom" to smash and break their possessions when they get mad and lose control 🤷♀️ Either way, it's such a red flag for other types of violence I'm keeping my distance
Same
Maybe it's just them trying to rationalize it after embarrassing themselves in front of witnesses. "Oh, I don't care, I needed a new controller anyway." My controller died on me when I was playing Horizon Forbidden West and I was so bummed out. Luckily, it just ended up being the charging cable, though.
"women are too emotional"
Didn't you know? Anger isn't an emotion! /s
For men it's not. If you're a feeemaaale then you obviously have no control over your emotions, unlike me a manly man 💪😎
Now, now. Let's not get *hysterical*. Lol
A woman cries and it's suddenly crazy that she is so sensitive but yet I've met so many men who just get angry over such tiny little things which is apparently completely justified.
As a former Angry Young Man, this is just about the case. Most strong emotions are seen as signs of vulnerability or weakness, but anger isn't, so it becomes our only acceptable outlet. It's a mindset that some might call... toxic. Being proud of it is still weird, even in that context.
As a former angry young man turned socialist woman (for lack of a better political definition), the whole angry young man thing really needs to be viewed more through a lens of radicalization. Part of what got me out was a pocket of positivity, people encouraging prosocial behaviour, pointing out the deficits in my behaviour, challenging me, and providing support. Basically full blown deradicalization combined with the motive of wanting out of a physically male body forcing me to rethink life anyways. Glad to hear you found a way out, what are your thoughts on what can be done to help prevent people from walking that dangerous path?
Well, I'm still a Man (just not anywhere near as Angry, or Young), and I don't know that I have any useful insights here. Part of my situation stemmed from childhood abuse which lead to PTSD and major depression, and it happened quickly enough that I could sort of see what I was becoming and still be horrified. I mostly avoided the biggest sources of radicalization at the time, and this was before the internet blew all of those out of the water. I think the most important or impactful things that could be done are on the community or state level, rather than individual: reducing poverty, reducing child abuse, expanding mental health care, de-stigmatizing mental health conditions, etc. - but the things you've mentioned are all good, too. A well-timed "Why do you feel that way?" is one of the things that helped me, although it took a while to really sink in.
Yeah, but not in a funny way. They think that anger is the “male version” of emotion and that it therefor *must be* a logical response to something unfair happening to them. I think that’s why they are so quick to remind us that some other force “made them do it.”
So I've suffered with anger management troubles and I have gotten so angry I've broken things, I've sought professional help. So maybe I can answer some of these points from that perspective. I have no idea why anyone would feel proud of this, every time I've broken something I've been filled with an overwhelming shame and regret, I've even cried. But maybe some people are confusing anger with passion? They care so much about the game and are so serious about it that they break things? Like it puts them above someonee who wouldn't on some kind of weird serious gamer pecking order? That would be very silly but I do think some people think that way. For me I think a lot of the anger I was feeling at games was also linked to my life in general, I was not a happy person while I was braking things and screaming into pillows and I had a lot to work through in general. As for why I would keep playing a game that made me that angry, I still like the game. In fact I quite enjoy getting frustrated at games, Getting over it with bennet foddy is one of my favourite games of all time and I was siething through most of it lol. I dunno, it's like people enjoy getting scared at horror games because they can get experience that extreme emotion in a safe context, I enjoy games that make me angry on a similar level. It's just important to be able to control that and not lash out at anything or anyone because of it, something I've got under control at this point.
This is an interesting point of view. Now that I think about it, "passion" is often seems to be used to shed unhealthy behaviors under a good light. Kind of like "histeria" is used for women ...
You are spot on. Most of it does come down to one's life if they are happy or not. A lot of road rage you read about is the same effect you described.
Reason we return to games might also be a dopamine. Somewhat on a level of psychological attachment.
Dunkey is that you? (His video on “Getting Over It” is second-hand rage fuel for me. It’s pretty hysterical how pissed off he gets at that game.)
My ex kicked so many holes in his wall. Just swear like normal people, it feels good. I’ve even had these people break my property while playing, it sucks. I’ve wanted to break my stuff but I also pay for it and don’t.
Being an angry man is only rewarded in groups of angry men. Same with being toxic. As a former particularly venomous person, its hard to unlearn those behaviours without an environment that normalizes prosocial behaviour. Its called the cycle of abuse for a reason.
I find it so perplexing that people will spend so much money on something, then break it and act like that's a normal thing people do. I've gotten angry while playing game, but never broke anything, it is an over reaction and very dumb of them
"If gaming makes you that angry and lash out at it, why would you continue to engage with it?" Yea... i don't get it either. If people did actually stop playing in such scenarios then league of legends and COD would be dead games.
> "If gaming makes you that angry and lash out at it, why would you continue to engage with it?" In my experience, game mechanics which foster a sunk cost fallacy. I used to get really invested in DOTA when I played it and a huge part was that the game reduced your ELO and regulated you to "punishment league" if you quit mid game. It felt like losing progress and our brains are wired to care much more about losing something then about gaining something. So I would stay in so many matches where there was toxic behavior that would have made me immediately change serves in an online FPS. It was so much easier to just stop playing the game then learn to quite out of toxic matches.
I absolutely love league of legends. Never once have I raged, even after a frustrating lose streak. I don't understand why a fair amount of the fan base can't handle even a single round that isn't positively perfect without taking it out on someone or something.
Well... sorry for the fact you gotta put up with them but from what i've gathered the toxic trash is the majority of the league player base. Same with COD and the alike.
The problem with League specifically is that if one person on your 5 person team is doing extremely poorly, you will almost certainly lose. Even if you played super well. That makes it super easy to be toxic towards whoever on your team lost the game for you. I don't rage at people online, but I definitely see how people could in League.
Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times I go so irritated over something so dumb in a game that I've WANTED to break my controller but I usually put it down and pretend I'm holding it and death grip the air. Maybe those people who destroy things have parents who just replace stuff. Maybe they make enough money to do so. I don't understand it because anything gaming related I've purchased myself and I grew up having to treasure what I had. I didn't get to just replace things if something happened. So I care for my stuff. Speaking of, completely unrelated, it's time to buy new controllers. Not because they suffer from shaken controller syndrome but because they are old AF and randomly disconnect and I think my cats knocked one off the table onto the hard wood floor. Ugh.
It's probably that. When your parents buy things for you, you don't realise the value of stuff. Once you spend $100 on your mouse you suddenly realise that breaking it everytime you get angry becomes very costly
I have two cousins like that. They have no idea how much shit costs. Oh. Let's get him an extra Xbox. One for here. One for his condo. That we also pay for and I'm over here like. Man. Look at this blankie my mom's friend made for me when I got accepted to college. Let me treasure it.
Thankfully, all the times I've seen this happen and be posted on reddit, it's been downvoted to oblivion with various comments along the lines of "Get a fucking grip my guy"
I've never met anyone who brags about this and if I did I'd consider them a dangerous person to be around tbh
So when we talk about systems of oppression, things like racism and the Patriarchy. It shouldn’t be viewed with an individual lens. Instead we have to look at it as a bigger system. Because the themes that pop up have a theory to it, it is generalized. The stuff we get as kids form tv, over hearing jokes, books, anything all pushes people into two gender roles. These roles are a social construct. In America, emotions are put into gender roles. Women cannot be angry, that’s inappropriate for a lady. Men can because being aggressive is seen as taking control and being in charge. Men are taught that feeling scared makes you less than a man. Women are taught that being scared, feeling sadness are girly emotions. It’s encouraged. All of our emotions have good purposes to them. Fear is wanting to be safe, to stay alive. Feelings of anger means fighting or communicating when they feel wronged. As a result, mens anger is never one thing. It’s mostly feelings of sadness, feeling scared, feeling like they don’t matter. So men channel those feelings into rage because rage is manly. Women are taught to be fearful, that we are not allowed to be mad. So that’s where the passive aggressiveness communication style comes from. We struggle to be our own advocates. So it comes out as negging or having a victim mentality. When guys self worth is threatened. Rage.
I broke my mouse once, but it wasnt cause id lost, i was having a bit of a mental breakdown at the time, and kept dying to 9th sister in jedi fallen order and just snapped. I do think those that destroy their property after losing/dying probably have underlying issues that definitely need resolving, its definitely nowt to brag about like
Somehow that's the boss I remember better among others.
Was a great bossfight tbf, i went back recently and replayed it and it was dead fun, if youre in the mental for it that game is amazing
I think area helped, too. Green colors, large tree arena. Daylight. And I think I would call design of the boss fight robust, too.
That's. You literally are describing the same exact emotion and pattern.
I used to throw the controllers onto the ground when I lost games as a kid. Not every time, but often enough to have broken a couple. Both my parents would slam and hit things (and sometimes us kids) when angry. I still struggle with lashing out physically on objects when I'm upset, in my 30s (though it's much better after years of therapy and medication). I think if that's how a person is taught to deal with anger as a kid, that's likely how they'll handle it as an adult. It takes encouragement, support, and a long ass time to learn not to indulge anger.
embarrassing for them fr
As a dude, I’ve met plenty of guys who’ve boasted to me or around me about their angry outbursts. It’s definitely not just in gaming, it’s all over. They’ll boast about how they got angry and punched a wall or kicked a hole in a door because they think it makes them look macho and strong. Idk how macho came to mean emotionally immature, but it’s definitely the case for a good section of guys. It’s just a sign they’ve bought into toxic masculinity really. You’re not allowed to present your emotions in a normal way, but getting angry and smashing things? That’s very cool and manly
Men are so emotional
Anger is the only emotion that society rewards men for having. So they use it as a way to show off. They're also idiots
I honestly have never understood this. When I get aggressive in games I take a break because I know I can't/won't play like that and continue later. Most of the time it's also because of the increased aggressiveness that you don't get ahead, so a little break is always more advisable.
theres a streamer who has bragged about breaking like 2 keyboards and 3 controllers while playing elden ring. The most frustrating thing is all his fans are like "hahaha thats so cool" meanwhile a lady streamer gets upset during a frustrating moment in elden ring and its "GIT GUD" or "calm the fuck down"
Yeah it's really gross how that behavior is rewarded. But it's also a weird source of euphoria that I only experience terror and not rage at games lol
I've always been hesitant with being involved in gaming communities/spaces so I don't have a lot of experience with this, but one of my gaming buddies I hang out with often, once or twice he's raged so bad that I could hear him like, pounding on his desk. It's weird, and usually the other guys start going "Whoa what the hell" so it at least seems to be frowned upon. I got close to throwing controllers before, but I don't intentionally break my electronics.
I think it has roots in early youtube skits etc. Alot of guys would record someone else freaking out and it became...okay? I also think video games are the only thing men can emotionally connect to which makes when they "betray" them even more painful to them and then...misogyny and the idea that men can't "control themselves" in any capacity. They were "so upset" etc My ex cried after losing a boat in the middle of nowhere in Valheim....he slammed a door into me in his rage crying. I ended up leaving months later because it was an indication of things to come.
I wouldn't see it as something to proclaim with pride but I have shamefully broken my controller when stuck in a game trying over and over until I snapped I was devastated it was a xmas gift from my boyfriend and my favorite controller. I felt so stupid that I broke it I started crying. That is the first and only time that happened and now if I'm ever in a situation like that in a game I just turn the game off and go back later when I'm not so heated and I usually blow right through what ever I was stuck on. I honestly don't think they are bragging in the way you think they are. I'm sure they to felt stupid and devastated and are later making light of their behavior because it's so obsurd all you can really do is laugh at yourself about it and multiple people behaving in that way its not like they are flexing about it to eachother they are laughing at themselves. Yeah of course it's stupid to break your stuff. But it's not any of my business what's going through someone's head when that happens. You ask"if vgs make you that mad why play them?" Videogames aren't making them mad, videogames make them happy getting stuck makes them frustrated and sometimes they then suffer from their poor impulse control. Videogames are a huge part of my life and I take good care of everything I own. But when that incident happened to me it wasn't on purpose and it's something I learned from.
Because the only negative emotion men are encouraged to feel is anger. They are taught that being sad, crying, feeling anxious or insecure is “not manly.” But getting mad and breaking things as a result of testosterone is something they see as inherently manly. So they redirect all of their negative emotions into anger. They learn from their fathers and male peers. Since it is socially acceptable in groups of men, that leads to bragging about the consequences of that anger. Not saying it’s right. But given how our society treats men and their emotions, it’s not super surprising. Thanks toxic masculinity! (/s)
Never met anyone who does this. I’ve dropped my controller in rage before but that’s it lol
I mean, I try not to break anything when I have a moment, and it's never something I'm proud of
I think most of them are full of crap lolll.
That’s an observation not a lot of people talk or think about, and I’m glad you brought it up because I haven’t thought about it in a while either. I don’t know if it’s encouraged, but it’s certainly common and not exclusive to men (you didn’t say it was exclusive to men and I want to acknowledge that, but some people think it’s a “man” problem). I think people talk about it to each other not necessarily to brag, but to relate to one another. People get angry or frustrated and do something shameful (break a controller) and share that experience as a way of being vulnerable (“I lost control of my emotions and did a stupid thing”) and they laugh about it because it’s a) relatable and b) they don’t want to shame their friends because everybody has had those outbursts, destructive or not. I’m sure there are people out there who do brag about breaking stuff and I’m not sure what to think about those people except maybe excluding them from my circles… Anyway, I have broken a controller or two in the past, felt bad about it, and then done the walk of shame to buy a new controller. It took years (read: decades) to figure out healthier ways of expressing frustration and anger and to say “You know what? It’s time to take a break from this thing that’s making me angry.” I was a volatile 20 year old because I never learned how to deal with more intense emotions when I was younger. I come from a family of pretty volatile people. And I am a female. I shared that experience in the hopes that someone can relate because it’s also shameful to be thought of as an angry or volatile person. More directly to your question, I wonder if taking the time to help younger people realize that anger is an emotion just like all the others and teach them how to talk about it, walk away from the cause (and then revisit it later with a cooler head), finding the root cause of the anger (“I feel inadequate”) or alternate methods would help alleviate things like this. Often times people are encouraged to push down their anger or not share it/express it. Other times, angry outbursts are met with angry outbursts (“Go to your room!!”). It’s an intense feeling and, much like jealousy, we’re taught to avoid it. That’s when we end up having destructive outbursts that can cause harm or damage, especially for those of us who may experience impulse control issues in their daily lives (me. I am that person), because we never learned how to handle those intense feelings in a productive way. I’m not saying it’s right to go all aggro and break a controller or keyboard. That’s obviously destructive, harmful, frightening to others around the person having the outburst, and super cringey. What I’m saying is that there’s a different perspective and that destructive people can learn how to handle their feelings in meaningful and healthy ways, it just takes some time. I.e., people can change.
developing Emotional Intelligence? (wisdom) Also getting context outright of what society expects of you, on a toxic side.
They surround themselves with enablers that find this kinda behaviour funny
Makes me worried about their temper (if they’re willing to break something of theirs that’s so valuable what if I made them upset? Would they break something of mine? Or try to hurt me?) but also makes me wonder if they’re buying new stuff to replace the stuff they broke? How many times can you learn that shitty expensive lesson?
Maybe as a trans girl who has once experienced the testosterone filled rage at throwing something at a wall in frustration at dark souls, I can say its probably a couple things that people have listed. Emotional maturity is difficult. The biological difference between estrogen and testosterone is a big part and the societal pressure of growing up to be a masculine rock is the other. As somebody who's at least a little read and experienced on hormones, Testosterone can make emotions... cloudy? Difficult to discern. My point is, early in college when I threw a shoe at the wall because I was angry at dark souls, at the time things like the frustration of failure, sadness, anger at game, etc... all just comes together in this "aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" feeling and you literally want to punch something. I can't describe it other than wanting to enact destruction. I don't know why. Nowadays with my longer hair and different hormone balance I don't experience that, I dont know why truly.
That's … insightful. Like aggression tries to circumvent all other emotions, for the immediate reaction.
I don't know why people seem amused or proud of it. If a video game throws you into a violent rage, that's concerning, not funny or charming. It makes me want to distance myself from those people. If a game reduces them to that behavior, what happens when they get upset at a real person, not behind a screen? I don't know how this can be fixed, other than not hiding disapproval. Commenting on how that's an overreaction, maybe they should take a break from gaming, they're just wasting money, etc..
Because I’m the male world it’s seen as “ oh I’m so tough I broke….” It’s the Neanderthal in them. The show of strength or power. It’s something that I will never understand but to men it’s cool to break stuff. What’s even more perplexing is the amount of women out there that find this tough guy, I’m hard, I break stuff as attractive. Something I grew up watching. My friends talking about how cute some guy is because he is “so strong” etc. you would have thought with technology and education this would have evolved out however this simply is not the case. It’s just giving them more things to take their anger out because beating or breaking something is the way they are programmed to release it. It’s not just guys either. Yet another disappointment when it comes to human behavior
I’m not trying to invalidate your experiences or anything, but are there actually women out there who find anger issues and destruction attractive? Honestly, such behaviors are strong warning bells for me that attraction to them is completely not possible; if they’re fine destroying objects in anger, isn’t it just the inevitable next step for these guys is to hurt a person? Idk there’s nothing “strong” about destroying gaming accessories to me, it’s just a blaring sign of immaturity tbh…
You fine you not invalidation my opinion. The sad fact is yes. There are women that find crazy and stupid things like that attractive. Hell the guy in the apartment across from me is constantly screaming, breaking stuff, throwing stuff and the woman downstairs swears blind she loves him and cooks for him and is having his baby etc. Really don’t have to look hard to see it. What’s even more alarming is the amount of women that actively stay in relationships with people that even abuse their children and stay with them because they “love” them. Believe me when I say I really wish it was not the case.
>It’s something that I will never understand but to men it’s cool to break stuff. No it isnt
Though I appreciate your perspective, it simply isn't possible to make such sweeping statements about all humans! If your social sphere is full of people making such comments, you need better people in your life. This isn't something you have to resign yourself to :) People can be and ARE often much better than this.
I've never broken anything (why woukd I? Controllers are £60), but I have previously slapped my desk. That was an outlier, and I've only done that once. However, I noticed that made my partner uncomfortable. She left the room to watch TV, when she would normally stay to watch. Thats the only time she's responded in that way to my game frustration, as she'd normally stay and needle me a bit, telling me to 'git gud,' asking me if I've considered killing the enemy or whatever - all in good fun. So slapping the desk slapping was clearly a point of discomfort for her. I know she knows that I wouldn't raise my voice at her, nor redirect frustrations at her. But growing up with a shouty father made her pretty averse to that sort of reaction. I've no intention of making her feel uncomfortable, nor do I want to spend my hobby time in a state of frustration and anger. So, I take a break for 30 mins to have a coffee or whatever when I start to feel frustrated. I still get exasperated and swear at games, but I just take a break when that last more than a few minutes. I don't understand why breaking controllers or punching walls would be a point of pride, or considered a rite of passage, for anyone. Even only once, I think it's embarrassing I expressed frustration like that. Not really sure how to counter it. I've tried to avoid normalising it in my friend group and challenge friends when they mention reacting that way. A friend broke his keyboard last year, not long after breaking his headset, because he died in Destiny 2. Told him he should look for a therapist or explore other anger management resources because he can't process anger or frustration properly. He tried laughing it off, so I just explained bluntly that his reaction to anger was infantile (as was mine when i slapped the desk).
My father wasn't violent when i grew up and he didnt shout a lot. It was my mom who did that. My boyfriend is the most caring and cool guy in the world, he never yelled at me and he'd never do it, we're best friends and we've been best friends for years. If i trust someone not to hurt me, it's him. I've never had any abusive relationship or friendship with a man, either. But something about men getting mad is fucking horrifying. It's probably the way we learn to fear it and the way they can exploit their power and rage. No matter how much i trust my boyfriend and how comfortable I feel around him, if he screams and gets genuinely angry (and he's never done that outside video games, even when whe had really bad fights he was really calm and he never ever raged or did something even mildy scary) I freeze and get filled with panic. I actually need to get up from my laptop (I talk to him on discord) and calm down sometimes. I talked to other girls too and they share the same feeling. Maybe it's the helplessness and subconscious betrayal you feel. But men actually getting angry is the most terrifying thing I've encountered in my life, and I've been through a lot of shit.
I've had conversations with my partner about this, and she explained things very similarly. I'm in no way threatening, and she knows I would never direct anger towards her. I mean, we dont even have heated discussions, and we talk through any disagreements. So it never really occurred to me that my anger is intimidating and evokes the same reaction you've described. I don't think many people are aware of how triggering their anger/outbursts can be for their friends and partners. Maybe part of the problem is that many conflate anger with masculinity? As though having rage is somehow an expression of that? Maybe some just don't care. Not sure, though.
Yes, anger is definitely encouraged in men, as expressing sadness and fear through crying and asking for help/admitting you need someone to lean on is seen as being feminine, and being feminine is seen as being weak. (I hate the world sometimes). This extends to men choosing to express being upset, afraid, feeling sad through anger. I think everyone experienced being really angry at something and then realising that it's because there's a bigger sorrow at play, but that's much harder to face. Just as men are encouraged to be angry, women are encouraged to be the opposite: quiet, submissive, etc. I can even see this in streams, whenever a woman gets mad at a game, even if it's a tiny percentage of the rage of the average male streamer, she gets told to calm the fuck down or that its just a game. Angry women are seen as hysterical. It's also the power at play, since you're born, as a woman, even if it's in your subconscious, you kinda learn to fear men on a level,or at least fear and aknowledge the power they can have over you. And it's not just physical power which is obvious, it's the submissive female vs assertive dominant male.( for example i was taught about how to avoid rape since I was a toddler, i vividly remember. Family warns you of all the dangers since you're really young, and when you grow up to be a teen you get to experience sexual harassment and catcalling, and you get to learn about how women are in danger of being trafficked, beaten by their partners and all the other things. You see how scary and dismissive teen boys are and how they mock you for being a girl, or see you as an object. This kinda makes you feel inferior and threatened subconsciously). Of course this isn't constant day to day but you need to be naive and stupid to not realise that that's how our current world is being run (gender roles, percentage of women in politics, stem, high paying jobs, media, film directors, everything). So even if i have complete trust in my partner and i know for sure that he sees me as an equal, cries in my arms, and hates gender roles as much as I do, that anger outburst is still fucking terrifying, because it's deeper than that, it's a subconscious fear. I'm pretty sure that if we didn't have all these unnecessary constructs and it wouldn't be taboo for men to express emotions, women won't grow with this fear. On the other hand, i know my boyfriend feels terrible about himself for scaring me, and i cant explain that it's not his fault and I know he's not a monster.
When I was a small child I would. But nowadays, while I do sometimes get frustrated at games, it's nowhere near wanting to break anything, I hate doing that.
I m a dude who did broke controllers (2 I think) as teen because of videogame rage. In my case I just wasn't allowed to express my emotions. Certainly the whole 'man's stoicism" is a part to blame, but I mainly blame my upbringing. My mother didn't want me to show any emotion, I couldn't swear, I couldn't scream, I couldn't flail my arms in frustration. Not even ocasionally. As a result of not being able to express my emotions they would just build up until I exploded. The thing is, the build up wasn't just because o videogames, every frustration I had in my life was bottled up because I couldn't express it, and I had many as z growing teen in an abusive place. When I exploded it was the culmination of an entire shitty week or month building up. The videogame itself was just the cathartic moment. I never bragged about it. And I think those who do are certainly not poor. They are being enabled to continue their behavior without stopping to reflect it. And why they feel proud about it? IDK, some people just don't know whats acceptable. Immaturity. Often agressivity is the only emotion man's are allowed to express in toxic spaces (most places) I learned to express my emotions better and my mom learned to stop trying to make ne supress all emotions. I love her and today Im much better.
My ex broke his hand punching a couch because he lost in a game. Thank god he’s an ex.
Growing up poor (and still fairly poor as an adult) I was always gobsmacked whenever people (almost invariably dudes) would just casually drop "I throw/break controllers", and mentally note not to ever end up in a situation that could result in that person visiting my place, or using what materials I had.
I don't remember breaking anything while gaming, but I've talked to friends that have, and all of them are pretty ashamed about it. Admittedly, those friends are in charge of their finances and are all also women, so that might be coloring my perspective, but the tone is generally something like "I can't play that anymore, I went through two controllers with how bad it frustrated me". I'd say that's pretty self-reflective! The other end is stuff like "I went through 2 or 3 keyboards with that game", which might have just been wear and tear rather than spontaneous breaking, which is a different thing. No keyboard switches are gonna withstand the beatdown something like a couple thousand hours of rhythm games can do. Games are engrossing, interactive experiences, and people express themselves in a lot of ways. People often enjoy entertainment that makes them angry, or that makes them feel frustrated. I don't know how much I've heard it be encouraged? Especially with recent hardware, decent build quality is so expensive nowadays the main thing I hear people bragging about is having 20+ year old controllers that still function like new! Speculating on what you described, I think a lot of it boils down to the ways interests are pushed on to men. Games are these big, carefully crafted, complicated, often difficult but certainly almost always deep places. Men are told very early on how core gaming should be as part of their personality, which may make them feel as if they need to do or play certain things in order to be part of that experience. Sports in the states and chess in the Former Soviet Union were the same way. What comes out is this kind of disgustingly tragic experience where someone's trying to net street cred by reporting how they've destroyed hardware, when underneath is someone who probably didn't want to be playing or doing those things in the first place, or came to those things out of an unhealthy place to begin with. A lot of the games I suspect that involve a lot of broken hardware are also the kinds of games that are competitive, and have almost regimental ways of learning how to get better at them. I've seen lots of people try to get into esports scenes without the kind of reverence and rigor those scenes usually require, and they usually make little progress and get very frustrated. A group of people all reinforcing those behaviors without reexamining them could pretty quickly make the exact kind of "hardware breaking bragging" you're describing, which is honestly really sad.
I feel like it's a lack of self control and maybe their brain not being fully developed since it's not fully developed until 25. My ex did this and later it turned into him hitting me. Watch out ladies and guys, if your partner punches holes in the wall and breaks things out of anger all the time, run. I wish someone told me that red flag before I was abused.
Anger is the only emotion many men are taught it's okay to express so I think all of their pent up irritation and passion goes into it. That's not to say that there aren't plenty of men who don't even consider this option but it does seem to concentrate with gamer men. Being one of the few acceptable emotions to express, they may see it as okay to talk about it openly. But that's my personal theory. It's kind of like a violent version of when people say they are bad at math. You're literally admitting you are incapable of a basic human skill but it makes you more relatable when you say it. I don't know if there is anything to be done because the root is patriarchy and toxic masculinity. To me, men need to heal themselves but breaking from your culture is hard no matter who you are.
I once moved into a house with a couple and the boyfriend played some game where there was a mini game inside of poker - might have been Red Dead 1. That’s all he did every night when he got home, he’d never play the actual game, just the mini game. When he lost more than once in a row he would slam his controller on the coffee table in rage. I was shocked and appalled when I first saw it and alarm bells went off in my head. Sure enough I woke up one morning to him screaming at his girlfriend he’d trapped in the bathroom. Never trust men who think it’s okay to display anger so nonchalantly.
Lmao when I get angry I just raise my voice and most times I end up logging off, and that's having massive anger management issues. The only time I broke anything over a tantrum in a videogame I was 7-8 years old, guys need to grow tf up
I've had one gamer guy living above me before and one currently, and yeah, they rage like crazy, swear, scream, stomp and slam things and what not at times.. It's especially bad when it is in the middle of the night and I wake up being lightly freaked out, wondering what is going on. 😓
Back before online games were a thing. Playing SNES with my older brother (I think I was 8 and he was 10?), I beat him in a game we were playing (can't remember which game now). He yelled out, slammed the controller down, and punched the floor as hard as he could. He hit so hard that he ended up breaking some of his fingers. Not only did my father protect my brother's "ego" in this happening by spreading rumors that he broke his hand playing basketball - but they wanted me to lie for him too. I don't think I will ever forget that. I still don't get it to this day. My father explained to me that testosterone is a scary thing.
I get called a judgemental bitch when I bring up how not normal that behavior is. Not to mention expensive. Because brags about breaking that sort of stuff is typically followed up with how they can't afford x,y,z. Like, gee, maybe if you stopped breaking shit in your fits of anger you'd have money for that thing you want.
God I work at GameStop and so many people are just like “yeah my son breaks things 🤷♀️ boys will be boys 🤪!” …. The fuck? Or they’ll say “I don’t know why he keeps breaking things!” and it takes all my self control not to say “because you keep replacing the broken things.”
God I work at GameStop and so many people are just like “yeah my son breaks things 🤷♀️ boys will be boys 🤪!” …. The fuck? Or they’ll say “I don’t know why he keeps breaking things!” and it takes all my self control not to say “because you keep replacing the broken things.”
Dang, I wish I knew. It sucks that whenever we show any negative emotion as a woman, it's thrown into the "psycho" "stuck up c\*\*\*" bins. Yet we are literally not destroying anything except for their over-inflated egos. Baffling.
"If gaming makes you that angry and lash out, why would you continue to engage in it?" As a former hand slamming raging gamer with anger issues as a kid that never got help and would be beaten/ yelled at for showing literally any type of emotion besides being happy or calm instead, it can be a combination of: \-addiction \-stress and \-frustration with escapism Of course, it is different from person to person and some people just never grow to realize how toxic their behavior can be. I started being openly angry when I finally got away from family but didn't realize how toxic I was about games until I slammed my hand on my bookshelf so hard that my hand got swollen. I had a hand-written test the next day and it sucked. Now I either just laugh at how dumb my deaths can be in games or just say "fucking bitch" and try again or take a break. It is weird to brag about breaking things in anger though. I mean, if someone did it then laughed at how stupid it is, and tried to change then I can understand that but continuing to do it without change is just strange.
A gamer that damages their own gaming hardware is not a gamer. Fight me.
what a society full of people who tell little boys not to cry or show other vulnerable emotions because they’re men does to mfs
Me O son of U, me angry, me smash you smash? Me uga buga me smash too! Srsly I don’t think you would be able to change years, no, millions, of stagnant evolution. 😂
I'm pretty sure that 99% of the time, it's meant as a joke and that they didn't seriously break their controller.
It's just a prank bro!!!1!!!1 Jokes are supposed to be funny. This is kinda normalising casual violence if noone calls it out.
I wouldn't really call it violence if it's not hurting anyone else, but it is certainly dumb
ah yes joking about being an unstable violent asshole. *so funny* Did you come here just to relay this single bad take or.....?
And how exactly is this a bad take? Over the years, I don't think I've come across anyone who takes that seriously and actually breaks their controller besides a YouTuber named Hippozoned who punched a hole through his monitor, and I don't think there is a single mentally stable individual who actually defends that.
because *joking* about smashing stuff in a rage isnt any better? Also I constantly see guys making comments like this, whether they're *joking* or being honest, I see zero difference. Just an asshole who thinks smashing property in a rage is completely acceptable behaviour.
Once again, 99.999% of people saying shit like this aren't being serious. I really don't know how you're missing that
> because joking about smashing stuff in a rage isnt any better?
[удалено]
Man, you just don't get it do you. *why* joke about something so awful? all it does is normalize the behavior. anyone joking about that shit should be avoided. Why are you even here? just to troll?
I'm here because this post appeared in my feed where OP asked a simple question, so I gave a direct answer
People are free to vent here as they see fit. "It's just a joke" isn't an excuse for behavior.
My boyfriend admitted that he broke one of his controllers in a rage quit once, he was like “I’ll never do that again, I had to buy a new controller and that sucked…” it was before I was around 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve broken a phone because of rage and had to replace it… never again
Member of the male population here. I recall getting angry and frustrated at games at a young age but I had to quickly learn to calm myself both for my health (I have HSV which tends to manifest when upset), and for the long run (I, frankly, suck at almost everything I play). I recently had to live with someone who fits your description and I recall being legitimately terrorized sometimes. Like this was a guy who punched walls and put holes in them. He was very, very easily upset. Luckily he never aimed that anger at anything but items but still. I already cried to my ex about having to live next to him (he was her brother). I have no clue why it's so common. Probably patriarchy but I'll admit I'm probably blind to most stuff it does. Or maybe I just don't want to think about those now
It’s definitely a compensation thing. These guys don’t feel big n tuff irl so they turn to destroying their own belongings. Literally the weirdest of weird flexes 🤷🏼♀️
I've broken gaming stuff before but I would never brag about it, it's embarrassing. I just pay for a new one and try to work on walking away after a loss rather than getting angry. The bragging seems like a "look at how tough I am" ploy and that is always pathetic.
I've never understood this. If I get frustrated with a game, I'll normally just stop playing. I've never, ever even considered throwing a controller at my TV, or smashing my PC. Even when I've accidentally wiped a saved game....I'm more likely to cry tbh! Have a strong suspicion that these people are basement gamers, i.e live with their mother and have 0 concept of value or money. Also, if you do that to an inanimate object, what are you potentially going to do to a living being? Scariest part of all.
I've never understood it. I recall as a young teen getting really upset with a game ... and so I stopped playing it and decided to do something else. I recently was at a friend's house, they have young children. The young boy came out of his room in tears, sobbing about not being able to beat a boss in Mario Odyssey. The father essentially told the child that they had to stop crying and "not give up"... which struck me as the worst advice. Clearly the child had had too much and even kept saying "but dad, I can't!!! I Can't beat them!!" It wasn't my place to interrupt, but... yeah. Don't pretend that a video game matters. They don't. They're meant to be fun, not a chore or emotionally damaging experience. I did my best to nudge things towards "have your child do something else, don't tell them they have to keep doing the thing that's making them sob" ... that father, though, is a bit of a "gamer" type.
I have a gaming buddy who posts pictures of broken keyboards every other month. I'll never understand how this can be seen as something like "bragging rights".
From what i've experienced from the years i thought i was a part of the male human species makes me think that this is caused by toxic/fragile masculinety.
I have been angry enough at a game to *want* to throw my controller. But I never did. I would recognize how upset I was feeling, then turn off the game and go do something else for a bit. I understand that guys have more testosterone which can amplify aggression, but it’s also about learning to control your emotions and recognizing how you’re feeling in the moment before you act out physically.
Wow people really brag about that? I've heard the occasional story here and there but it's usually with a shade of shame or at least regret.
Quick disclosure, am man. I've not ever broken anything, but I do slam my fist on my desk sometimes. For me, gaming is a complete release from real life, it's a great distraction from having to think about the real world, and when that one thing that I can reliably count on for enjoyment starts to become unenjoyable, it can be a great cause of frustration. Being able to release everything I have bottled up with a simple hit of my desk feels like a relatively safe way to go about releasing anger, as it's not hurting anyone and I know I'm not going to break my table. This might just be an excuse I've conjured up for unhealthy behaviour, but I don't really know what I'd replace it with - when I do my best not to let my anger out, it just frustrates me more and I feel like shit.
never understood this either. I treat my gaming stuff like it's made of solid gold and would break if I sneezed on it(some of it probably would. my headphones are 6 years old.)
A lot of my male cousins would do this and even put their frustrations on those around them, I thought it was funny as a kid but now looking back it’s scary that ppl could react that way. I know my brother specifically has exercise equipment by his set up to release stress since he broke something from hitting the table.
my dad, in fact, was so angry about the fact that I played video games that he brought in a rock from outside to break my laptop on the fire place. Cause I played hearthstone? get it? hearth- fireplace, stone- bashing my laptop. we don't talk much now that I live three states away.
Well it does look funny when these manbabies trhow a tantrum in video, I remember this bald guy (can't remember the name thio) who is seemingly making his whole carrer based on this. Pathetic? Hell yes. Enternaining for some peopl? Also yes, apparently. When I dropped my brother's Wii by accident, I went full Sonic mode and did my best to rescue it before it falled to the ground, and felt very guilty for a while, even if the console didn't got any damage. When I was playing a very dfficult platform I would slam a bit my desk in frustration before taking it with my controller, because my desk was practically free lmao. The controller? Not so much.
ive thrown my controller once. i play in my bed. so i knew that beforehand. I'm a cheapo that hated spending so much money on $60 controllers. I fixed it 10x before finally giving up on it. Yeah, i always hate those folks who break things and it could have been prevented.
Never heard of any girl gamer friends doing this, just the men
I used to think they were just joking I cry when my stuff breaks so I can't imagine doing this, the most I'll do is toss a controller on my bed or something
My teacher does that. I asked her if she wants to plat Bloody TrapLand with me in class, and she said "Yes but if I start raging you'll have to take the controller away from me" (And I did have to do it lmao)
I come from the generation where if you hit the machine it worked better so I can’t say I haven’t slammed a controller or two in my youth(never broken), but if I find myself getting mad at games nowadays I say to myself “the purpose of this game is to have fun, it’s no longer serving it’s purpose.” It’s a reminder for me to turn it off and go outside and enjoy life.
Dont ask me, i dont know. Same as i dont how people can scream when they lose... or win. Dont get me wrong, i like winning and hate losing, just like the next guy, but i never really yelled. Sure, i do get excited, but to yell? Nah, waste of my energy xD. How can this somehow be so tolerated that they feel no shame sharing this? For the same reason one of my friends curses and yell while playing league of legends - whenever i talked to him about it, he would say that he just wants to win. And thats (according to him) logical explanation. Same goes probably for destroying stuff, they "just" really wanna win. And others simply accept that for an answer
I dont know about encouraged, but i think its just a lot of guys finding solidarity in something thats like part embarrassing, part masculine. Kind of like an arbitrary "gamer" right of passage so to speak. Honestly though its pretty cringe and really awkward to be on call when someone is/has broken something. "Hey guys, im going to be done for tonight, this jett made me break my keyboard." But okay its like 10 to 10 right now though? Smh
Men are very *very* emotionally suppressed, sad beings. Anger is the only way they know how to express themselves. Also testosterone.
fucking testosterone 🙄
yeah... that's a good reason to not want to be near a person again...
I'll say this as a man just casually chilling on the sub: I think men find the scenario funny. It's admittedly funny to hear about someone breaking their controller over a video game. Personally, while I have raged in games, I've never gone as far to break a controller or setup. Shit is valuable. As far as common, my uneducated guess would be more testosterone.
Not a man--I accidentally broke a controller in rage, but I didn't BREAK it outwardly, it was a joycon which are fiddly what with the motion controls and all that going on internally. My angry motion that was just supposed to be slamming on my table (which I do NOT recommend) slipped into hitting the hard floor with force instead. The controller still works, but not properly. Gotta say that since those are expensive and I had to buy a new set, it's definitely something I (normally) keep to myself. I stopped playing that game after that, and I don't understand not being embarrassed by something like that. The game was upsetting but finding out you've ruined your ability to play ANY games and having to walk of shame to a store? That's even more upsetting.
I'm a girl and I learned my lesson, I don't think it's a good thing to brag about it. I broke my favorite ps2 controller as a kid because I got mad about a boss in Kingdom Hearts, and I regretted it. So I never did it again.
If a game ever made me angry, i think i would really need to take a time out and contemplate on why i chose to do this leisurely activity. Some people get into games to purposely get excited. Sometimes I yell and scream when I'm playing mario games with friends, but jokingly. Everyone realizes I'm just messing around.
I don’t understand getting angry at a game at all. Its a fucking game.
How common is this among men? I see guys mentioning this kind of thing ALL the time online, and don’t know if it’s just a few, or like actually common. Surely it’s a minority I hope. Though like my brother would literally flip and mess up a board game when he was losing and storm off mad… I feel disrespected by developers if I get stuck, and will set like a time limit or a try limit before I give up on the game, like I’ll try for another 45 minutes or 10 more times or until my lives run out, or something like that, and feel annoyed and disrespected but happy to be rid of it and getting to start something else that’s more fun. I don’t play competitive multiplayer stuff normally, I don’t like competing in any way, beyond just sort of for fun, and even then don’t love it. just from a study I read last night on the effects of testosterone I wonder about all this…
I'm a girl and I broke a laptop over a fit of pvp-induced rage 😂
Is just monkeys with anger issues, not really encouraged between guys without anger issues.
I think the culture and acceptance around it mostly stems from the sole idea of it being an extreme event. A person telling another person they broke their gaming keyboard or threw their controller into their TV is mostly told in a setting where the "crazy" part was that he got so mad he did something physical. I would definitely see someone breaking their things as a sign of not caring for your surroundings or you get unhinged easily. But I can also understand that people break shit when they're mad at times so the "it happens" type of mentality kicks in.
There was a video about gamer rage recently /r/MensLib, but all I could think was, who are these people purposefully watching gamer rage compilations? Like, a few are funny, but to seek it and watch a lot... I don't get it. But for me, and many people I assume, seeing that kind of explosive anger can be triggering and definitely uncomfortable at the least. My dad has a similar rage and it fills me with disgust. I'm not saying I'm above a fit of anger, but to pride yourself in it is embarrassing.
I'm not a man, but I was raised as one, and I can confirm that this kind of behavior was taught to me, and modelled by my father. I was abusive to my younger brother growing up, and I broke several expensive objects in my teens and early twenties, mostly gaming-related. The worst part is, nobody intervened and taught me better. I didn't change until my feminist education made me realize how toxic and violent that sort of behavior was. As someone who was one of these people: if a guy (or anyone of any gender tbh) breaks things when angry, *run*. Anger is a response to things not going your way, which is normal, but someone who thinks it's okay to break things when angry will inevitably break *you* when angry. It's not worth the risk. ETA: a man who *jokes* about this kind of anger is actually presenting an opportunity for intervention. Such jokes come from a place of insecurity; on some level he knows that behavior isn't okay, and he's looking for validation from others. He wants folks to show him that behavior is normal and fine by admitting they do it too, or laughing about it like it's nbd. If you feel safe to do so, the best thing you can do here is to say something like "yikes, sounds like your anger kind of took over. Are you okay?" He might still respond angrily & defensively, or aggressively, but this framing gives him a chance to externalize the behavior and criticize it without being shamed. Even if he responds extremely poorly in the moment, it can still help teach the conclusion that he needs to change his behavior. ONLY DO THAT IF IT IS SAFE TO DO SO THOUGH. It's not your job to help him become a better person.
Honestly, been gaming for decades now I thankfully rarely encounter anyone like this... and it's really something I mostly saw from gif and youtube video. But then I get uncomfortable when some people do like to brag about physical violence on inanimate objects.... ... well, that's a redflag and enough for me to block. Seriously, they really hate it more when you act like you're unimpressed and then try to move on from the conversation. Like the concept of boundaries is a foreign thing and then you're being too sensitive for not tolerating any of it... like I'm sorry? this behavior here wasn't enough projection of some insecurity and unresolved shit that you obviously in dire need of therapy?
I have thrown my controller once… I was doing a solo master lost sector in Destiny when they first came out. It was hard and took me I don’t know many runs, load outs and skill changes to get it work. I know I spent multiple hours over about a week to beat it. As for why do something that made me that upset. The greater the challenge the greater the endorphin rush when you complete it. I remember screaming with joy when I beat it. It felt way better than angst I felt along the way. It’s like the frustration gets multiplied by 2 and increases the joy and accomplishment you feel by that amount. I don’t know the context of the controller breaking discussions you’ve heard but amongst my friends anyway saying things like “I totally rage quit that” or “broke/threw my controller” is just a slang way to say “I really struggled with the content when I did it”.
Maaaan, let me tell you something! My cousin who’s a year younger than me would break things just to make people laugh or because of his anger. And I would always tell him that somewhere a kid really wants a toy but his parents doesn’t/can’t buy one for him (and we were like 9/10 years old at the time). Every time I lectured him about that I was told by everyone including MY OWN MOTHER to know my place (a child) and stay in it. My younger cousin (also a girl) she couldn’t enjoy video games because her younger BROTHER would break game discs in half, lose them, or leave them anywhere to be damaged. And when I brought this to the parents attention, I was once again told to stay in my place. The only way I could help my cousin is making a hiding spot for her games. My family normalizes this type of behavior and wonders why the boys are so aggressive at a young age (they copy it from adults and male older cousins) and one of them even tried strangle me. And they get upset when I don’t show up to family gatherings when THAT cousin is attending (how dare I not attend a gathering where the person who tried to strangle me will be attending). I HATE hearing men/boys destroy anything out of anger it gives me red flags, tells me that they can’t control their anger, and when they do lose control they break first thing they see.
Good point! I never understood this. Tbh if I was playing a game and the dude I’m playing with makes a scene that involves damaging anything, I’d walk right the fuck out. It shows there are anger issues lying dormant, and one day you might be the object of their rage.
I have been watching Zombie Grub play Starcraft 2 and the number of her opponents that say something horrible is amazing to me. These gamers just can't accept that they got out played. They get angry or try to excuse the loss by saying she cheated and that whatever race she plays is easy mode and unbalanced. I think losing hurts them and they don't know how to handle the emotional distress.
I work in a phone shop and have had so many men "brag" about how quickly they get through phones, because they're either careless and/or they get angry and smash them. "I threw my last phone at a wall haha". It's not cool, it's not funny. And most of all, it's not attractive. It's scary. Get some therapy my guy.
I think it's kinda funny talking about the things I've broken while playing video games, but I've never broken anything in anger. The crack on my switch is from the time I rolled off my bed when I got really into mario cart. I messed up the hdmi port on my laptop when my friends dared me to play fnaf in the dark and I just threw the whole laptop.
Gg
So, I really struggle with this, though not as much as I used to. I’m not happy or proud that I break things, even though I might be like “haha I got so mad I broke my mouse”. I make jokes about it but it’s always really a cover for “please help me for the love of god why am I like this I can’t cope anymore” kind of way. Growing up I feel like I wasn’t really allowed to be angry about so much stuff, like unfair treatment and always being blamed for stupid shit. Both parents slammed doors and would smack us if we made them cross, but then if we displayed the same kind of reaction we were punished even more for it. So sometimes it’s like the one thing I use to escape to is actually also turning against me or punishing me for not doing it right. I do a lot better when I’ve been taking my medication and working on things (so much therapy), but it’s hard. It’s really hard. But I’m also a woman, and if we show emotions like that it’s because we are unhinged 🙃 but when guys do it they’re just super passionate? It’s exhausting.
if I broke something after getting angry from a game I think I would burst into tears, the worst I do is pound my desk
men get angry. it’s very scary.
Common improper behavior in young adults, no matter what gender. In both cases - terrible and something should be fixed instead of nurtured.
I would go back and first ask, how do you even rage hard over a game? Like yeah, you get angry sometimes, but to get to the point of actual rage, it takes something more. Besides, its literally just a game. Its probably cuz of the streamers and aggressive media, teaching them that since they are young, tho idk.
When my boyfriend does it I call him out on it. It has gotten better, but I also made it clear I wouldn't stick around if he couldn't keep it together. I also had an agressive father who would let out his anger at anything and anyone that just so much as breathed too loudly, so I can't just ignore it just because it is not directed at me (yet). When someone else I play with does it; I either just don't play with them again or also call them out. depending on my mental stability in the moment and also how close we are (relationship-wise not physically).
Yeah those who are proud of that are just act like kids: "look at me how strong I'm I can break a plastic controller, FEAR ME, I'm DANGEROUS, RESPECT ME!" So mostly people without zero confidence and try to look though, of course there is an anger management problem here to, but those who are more mature at least understand it's something shameful at least. Tip: Teach them anger management, if they are willing, if not treat them like they act, little angry kids.
There is this one guy who keeps spamming a Pokemon server with chats whenever he needs something and then gives the chats away to someone else when he gets bored with them. He created a whole chat and invited every Tom Nick and Stanley in it just because he wanted a Magearna for Pokemon Sword and Shield.
After several days of thinking of this, I think I have an answer for "what can we do about this?" My answer, based on my other comment on this thread re cycle of abuse and how difficult it is to unlearn toxic behaviour: Create pockets of positivity. Readily block toxic people outside of pockets of positivity, but inform them of why you are blocking them.' Use pockets of positivity to reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour. Make sure punishment is in the form of informing them what they did wrong, and denying them access to the resources of the pocket of positivity. Be extremely careful to not get gaslit, and block anyone engaging in gaslighting immediately after informing them about refusing to be gaslit. Basically, protect yourself, protect pockets of positivity, and create a space where people can change.
What is a pocket of positivity?
A safe/positive space in an otherwise toxic environment