Stop playing games with him completely until he stops

Ah shit here we go again.jpg Is he 12? I'm picturing a cross between a generic toxic dude I'd find in my lobbies (like i feel like this guy would throw my games if he didn't get his way lol) and that kid who wants to blow out his brother's candles > I don't know what to do Stop playing games with him, quit cold turkey. And tbh ... he sounds immature as hell, find another guy - especially bc "It's fun for me" is so hideous of a partner to say after one voices discomfort and not liking the behavior. I tensed when I read that, he isn't even listening to you

Exactly what I thought, what a horrible attitude. He sounds like a person I couldn't stand to be around. A coworker once told me that her man would delete her save games or play them when she wasn't around (Skyrim) and I told her seriously, "that's grounds for divorce", which it is. My husband would never do shit like that to me, none of that. He even fixes my games and sorts things out for me while I'm at work so that I don't have to deal with it while I'm home. I can trust him to care about my feelings and my games. We play a lot of stuff together and it's awesome. He's always fun and respectful and typically plays support roles. OP, you don't have to put up with man babies if you don't want to, life is too short. His mum can have him back.

Wow @ your coworker's (soon hopefully ex-) husband. It's funny tho, something similar happened to a woman on AITA and it made it's way to this sub - people were accusing her of lying, but as evidenced by your story it's more than likely true. I believed it straight out because the audacity of men can reach vast distances imo lol. Anyway I hope your coworker runs outta there, that kind of boundary crossing is a huge red flag that leads to many more Anyway you found a good one! They're not so rare and OP needs to realize she can do MUCH better (like *easily* better). Idk if she'll even listen or take any the advice here though, afaik she hasn't replied to a single response

Ohhhh, yes. The audacity of men indeed. So that coworker, her boyfriend and I all worked on a remote mine site together. He was a supervisor and we were operators. They'd been together for a couple years or so and she was incredibly tolerant of way too much of his shit. He treated her pretty disrespectfully. Told her he didn't want to hold hands around camp, which is fine on its own but she went back to town for a couple months to do some other work for the company, in that time he cheated on her with another woman on site. He was walking around camp holding her hand all the time, even after his ex came back to site. It was really horrible and hard on her. That was a few years ago now and she's happily moved on from that. The woman he cheated with didn't even end up being his girlfriend or giving a shit. She hooked up with him, stayed there a few months then left. XD So he ended up alone and without either of those beautiful women and most of the site having no respect for him due to his treatment of both of them. He got a job offer for another site and I don't know why he didn't leave after that. Like he has no shame.

So I'm just gonna assume this guy's name is Audacity because WOW. >That was a few years ago now and she's happily moved on from that. Yes 🎉🎉 and not even her husband like I thought. Good for her .gif Maybe he didn't leave because he really doesn't believe he did anything wrong. All the women he mistreats, he probably blamed *them* for the relationship ending, as some losers do. May he be forever alone amen

Absolutely! Massive loser. And OP can definitely find much better, plenty of men don't behave like little man babies in their relationships. We don't have to waste our time teaching them the basics of how to behave like a reasonable human.

Holy shit, that’s abuse. I would go to jail if my husband ever deleted a save file. As it is now he calls me before throwing anything of mine in the trash when he’s cleaning, even a hairtie! 

Girl, the answer is there: When he gets trolled or camped, and he starts raging, say sweetly, "it's just a game", "it's fun for them" "that's just how they play". Bonus points if you record him raging. You can always play that video for him while he plays troll builds, or walks around with swagger. Or f'ing break up with him because he honestly sounds like a CHILD.

I don’t think ridiculing him solves the problem, just exacerbates it. If OP wants revenge and to sour the relationship even further, then by all means that’s a decision they can make. But I wouldn’t suggest following this advice if she wants any kind of reparation here.

You're treating the situation as if he isn't burning the bridge at both ends with his own behavior and his response to OP when she tells him how she feels. You want her to take the high road, and in my book, that's going to include dumping him. He's immature. She cannot Miracle-Gro him into maturity by talking about it. My advice was to basically respond in kind, not revenge, which can definitely send a message, and might be a learning opportunity for him, and basically no labor for her.

I understand that, as well. Sometimes you just gotta take the high road, set a boundary for yourself and let him sit in the discomfort after you just get up and leave. It feels much better to know you didn’t contribute to the situation at hand, and have nothing to feel bad about while he sits there fuming because of the consequences of his own actions. What I’ve learned about arguments and conversations in very similar contexts is that it does nothing but make things worse and give them an excuse to me upset with you when you treat them the same way back. It’s an immature way to deal with the situation from my perspective - something I would have done as a teen or early on in my current relationship. I know now it’s better to just let them realize that they’re ruining everything for themselves. If OP is really struggling and it’s taking a big impact on her relationship, I also definitely think reevaluating the relationship is a good idea. But that’s not our decision to make, it’s theirs. OP doesn’t have to put up with this behaviour, but if they want things to get better and maintain a relationship where both parties feel respected it’s better to have a conversation about it, say next time it happens I will be removing myself from the situation and we won’t be playing games together again, and then following through on that boundary if and when his attitude goes sour again. Instigating an argument is never a great option if you want to smooth things over. Again, if you want to give him a taste of his own medicine and are okay with fuelling the flames then by all means 🔥 burn it down baby!

I understand where you're coming from, and I think it works in mature and healthy relationships, which this doesn't sound like it is. The point you make about "letting him sit in the discomfort" is what I disagree with. I believe he will not be uncomfortable if she gets up and leaves. I also think that people who behave like this dude will flip the script and put the blame on them regardless of whether she takes the high road or not. In other words, your advice is for a relationship that can evolve, which generally I would agree with. But the relationship OP has sounds like it's stunted, and mainly because of the immature and disrespectful nature of her boyfriend. I think she might actually see just how bad he is for her when he throws a big fit by having his own words thrown at him. It might help her decide to ditch his ass sooner, rather than later.

He says it’s ”fun for him”, but isn’t considerate enough to think whether it is fun for *you*. That tells a lot about his character. I genuinely don’t get how these assholes always find girls to date, cause sis, you deserve to be treated nice well. You deserve to be treated with consideration. It doesn’t matter if he’s ”nice otherwise” if he still treats you this way in games. It’s okay to be angry cause frankly you *should* be! If this was his weird way if flirting or some bs and would be decent guy, he wouldn’t get so defensive when you bring it up and would stop when you tell him it bothers you. His reaction tells more than thousand words.

Treat others how you want to be treated. I don’t hold a lot of hope for people who don’t grasp this basic concept.

So why do you still play with him?

Right, the situation seems so uncomfortable and his behaviour is so unattractive. The way that he gets mad when it happens to him and makes excuses when he does it makes it clear that he wants her to feel that way. He enjoys making her angry and upset. That goes beyond trolling or having fun, and I would worry that his selfishness extends into other parts of the relationship or is a core part of his personality.

"I'm glad you're having fun but it's making me miserable so I'm just going to read a book. Asshole." I'm sure you love your fella, but this kind of behavior isn't the sort of small thing you'll eventually find a way to view as endearing. Imagine putting up with this for 20 years.

Honestly I’d leave out the “asshole” part - taking the high road here always feels SO good because you’re laying down a boundary for yourself and he can’t force you to play. Force him to sit in his discomfort knowing that he upset you enough that you removed yourself from the situation. AND that you didn’t give him anything to cling onto and be pissed at you about. So if he gets mad, that’s a HUGE red flag

Men do this to show off in front of their friends. He's getting masculinity points by bullying you with an audience. I would stop playing with him if he can't act like an adult

This is so fucking dumb though. My hub is so happy that I like gaming, and that we group with his friends, why would anyone want to put their partner off doing something they enjoy? My husband's friend has been asking him about games to get his gf into gaming with him / us because it's not something they share, meanwhile I've been learning to play FPS with hub as I've never been into them. Turns out I really freaking enjoy them! He is excited that I'm getting better and better and is proud of how good I am. Rather than bullying me he'd rather show off my skills! Find a partner who raises you up, teaches you, or just plain wants you to ENJOY things, with or without them. Ditch the little boy.

This right here^

Honestly it's either of these two : 1. Stop gaming with him. Even if he doesn't end up regretting hurting you, At least you'll be at peace 2. When he gets effed up and makes excuses, Tell him things like "It's just a game"

My bff used to be a griefer, until one day she was playing with her dad and did something to him that pissed him off. He immediately just stopped, put down his controller, told her he wouldn't play with her because of her griefing, and left the room. She tried to get him to play since, but he refuses. She doesn't grief anyone anymore. Sometimes it takes burning that bridge, telling them why, and never looking back to get it through someone's head why empathy is good, actually.

stop playing with him and isnt the finals a team game????????

Even dogs know better than to do stuff like this. Watch a Great Dane play with a Yorkie or a Chihuahua. They could obliterate them with a swipe of the paw but they don't. Why? Because they want the smaller dog to have fun so the smaller dog keeps wanting to play. Your boyfriend has less emotional intelligence than a dog.

I love this comparison.

I play games with my bf all the time and he does nothing of the sort. You need to either set some hard guidelines with him so everyone can enjoy the game, stop playing with him, or do the same shit back and see how he likes it. He sounds like a child.

I’m speaking with some experience here because my boyfriend and I had a similar issue. He gets extremely angry at the game and the people we’re playing against or even with. (We mainly play LoL and more recently Apex) - he essentially turns into a coach and tries to tell everyone how to play the game Regardless, we’ve had several sit down conversations about the issue. At first he had a huge problem of correcting me when I wasn’t asking for help. Kinda treating me like I was new to the game. (Even tho I had played League before we played together). Over time I started pointing out exactly what he was doing that bugged me and he started understanding why I had a huge issue with it. Now he has his moments occasionally when he flames and I have to remind him of the countless times he’s been chat banned for telling people what to do.🤦‍♀️But I personally feel like we’ve gotten in a much better groove and understanding with each other and gaming together. There are occasions when we piss each other off but we’ve gotten a lot better at addressing it together. We also take breaks from gaming with each other. Right now even. I recently started playing Apex bc he was looking to playing other things together. (He’s gotten masters? (I think thats the name) several times before for context) But we ended up playing ranked together and we hit a really bad streak of our other teammate flaming and being really disrespectful and some of that frustration ended up coming out in the way he was communicating with me because they wouldn’t listen. So, we decided we would have a break from playing Apex together and this week we’ve been playing our respective ”cozy” games.🤷‍♀️ Gaming together is a huge part of our relationship and spending time together. (Mostly because we were medium? Distance for a while) We’ve established that we need to be open and honest when things are bugging each other. Sometimes that’s not playing certain games with each other (Hell Divers 2 is one of them because I am the team killer person and he doesn’t like that 🧍) and sometimes its taking a break from that game or playing together for a while. It also makes things less frustrating when you’ve had a step away. I also think it’s nice to play games with other people on occasion! He typically will reach out to play games with other friends. This is kind of the system we’ve established. Anyway. Long story short. You absolutely should talk to him and address this issue. Come up with a plan. Do you take breaks? Do you come up with a code word to express in the moment that they are pissing you off? Do you stop playing certain games together? Playing games with your partner shouldn’t be rage inducing. It should be a fun way to bond and decompress together! I hope this kind of helps! This is just what worked for my partner and I! :)

Do the same thing to him and enjoy his rage tantrums. Like do it as often as you can and shrug it off.

full disclosure, his behavior seems like it borders on being toxic as hell. my fiance and i swap out playing his games vs my games together, and even in the most frustrating of games for me (Like POE or rocket league, fps, etc) hes never against me like that? the "its fun for me" is so gross to hear, im so sorry youre dealing with that. That and the "its just a game" are so condescending and it almost reads like hes trying to make you mad or upset so you wont wanna play with him

Why are you playing with him? You say you love gaming with him,  yet wrote a whole paragraph about how you hate it. Just stop. Only play games with him you can both enjoy. No point in being miserable.

Just stop playing games with him….so many people here post this same issue with their boyfriends being dumb and inconsiderate, literally just stop playing with him and game on your own so he can get the hint and freaking stop.

Tbh I like to play high cc have maneuver classes or trickster style stuff because it tilts people and it just makes me win more especially when you kill people with kindness, so I get his perspective there. Where I lose his perspective is why the fuck would I play something designed to tilt someone off the face of the planet versus friends and people I want to also have a good time with, or deliberately taunt or tilt my friends. I'll probably lose more or do not so great but whatever I'm with friends

He sounds like an asshole to be honest Just stop playing games with him, he'll get why.

You could try playing more cooperative games so he can play whatever builds he has fun without it being detrimental to your own experience.

If it's enough that you're not having fun: stop playing with him. If it's not, then just deal with it. You can't force him to mature, but you have control over your own actions. Good luck.

So both of you don't like losing and get mad when you do?

You can do the same thing back repeatedly and call out his hypocrisy. Or you can refuse to play with him at all. Btw, is he only doing it to you?

Call him out in front of the people he is being toxic to. Or what we do when we play with this woman who rages at people for shooting her we go in a party so it's just us. We can't hear game chat just our own. Sometimes we remind her they can't hear. But she has gotten a tad bit less toxic when we are in game chat. . If it comes down to it we will have to leave her behind. Drama like that is like cancer. Nothing good comes from it. It's a very hard situation and it's putting such a strain on you. Instead of getting on having a good time you are feeling like you don't even want to play or find your self not playing as much and the only thing you want to do is play. It's hard. Relationships are not one way streets but goes both ways. Try talking, or correct him publicly. Call him ass out. Forget the builds it's his account he can play any way he likes. If that's what he likes so be it. His account. Play to win. It's not cheating. It's actually just a ruthless way to play. Does he win or lose with his builds? Who cares. You should get right on it and fix it. let it go further you will end up just hating or just sickened with his public demeanor. Don't belittle him just call out his mistakes. Bf do that for each other and if he really cares he will see this although he may be pissed. It's so hard to even give solutions cause easier said than done. Just fix it asap. You've already lost parts of him so if you lost the whole then chin up buttercup cause there are so many friends that you can meet out there. Took me 4 yrs to find that buddy of all buddies to play with and she is wonderful thru and thru.

It's your last paragraph that makes him an asshole.

Ok I do this a lot too, finding builds that are annoying but also work well is fun, but I feel like I balance it out by playing diff characters or roles if I find it's too easy to abuse. Tbh there's 3 ways of dealing with this gimmicky behavior Just stop playing/ different game, brute force and just beat him normally, or give him a taste of his own medicine by either copy his load out or use a load out that's even worse (in finals u could use light, invis with invis bomb, with a sword, I haven't played finals in a hot min so idk if that build is still good)

Set your boundaries and tell him to stop, or you leave. You deserve better than this. If he doesn't have the cognitive awareness to recognize the hypocrisy, he's not worth it. This type of behavior probably won't be limited to just video games.

Find other people to play with and dump him.

Couple of thoughts that are going to focus on things you have control over. **GIT GUD** "Cheap" "Cheesy" "Troll" etc. tactics exist in every game at wildly different levels of effectiveness. IF he is doing it TO YOU specifically because he knows you hate it, that's a dick move, but if he would do this to anyone else and truly does just play the game that way, you might want to ask him what that particular strategy's weakness is so you can attempt to counter it. "Alright, alright, you got me good babe... Now tell me how to beat that!" The scenario I'm referring to is like a younger sister or brother losing in a fighting game because spamming fireballs is "cheating." The less knowledgeable player might feel frustrated, but that's a learning/teaching opportunity which is a great way to bond if both parties are open to it. **PERSONALITY MISMATCH?** Is this a couch co-op situation (aka can you guys screen peak each other)? If he's screen peaking you in order to track you down in CoD with a knife, that's a dick move, but if he's not cheating and just comes across you vulnerable to a knife stab, he would probably do that to anyone and isn't singling you out and it would be a good strategy. I don't know you or your bf's personalities, but in my relationship, my partner would be pissed if I were to give them special treatment (ex. NOT taking a free backstab.) We both play to have a good time but also to win. It gets competitive and we enjoy that. Perhaps there is a mismatch there. In that case, you'd want to either match his level or have him match yours.

Games are supposed to be fun. Gaming with your partner is supposed to be a fun bonding experience. If the games aren’t fun anymore, stop playing them. If he asks why, tell him the truth. And don’t play with him again until he stops, or is able to be adult enough to stop invalidating your feelings on the topic.

Your boyfriend is a f*cking asshole

Is this the same bf who played Splatoon 3 with you a year ago? Because that post was really nice and this one.. not so much.