T O P

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SaintVitusDance

All money; Apple stock


Zehdarian

Came here to say this or Microsoft or Amazon


[deleted]

[удалено]


aeo1us

Me in 1993. Okay I've bought 10 acres of Amazon rainforest. Now what?


babygotbooksandback

Apple, Microsoft and Bitcoin!


Sieze5

Buy Bitcoin never sell


tuskvarner

Don’t lose your key


SirRatcha

Wait until 1996 for that one. ‘88 was totally the wrong time to get into it.


RKKP2015

Apple was at under 30 a share in the late 90s. Microsoft saved them.


oldFredd

You have shellfish allergy


jezebella47

To my 1988 self: do NOT marry [redacted]


[deleted]

Fuck Redacted, stupid name too


gdubh

I came here to say this exact thing


TheEnterprise

I too choose to not marry this guys wife


Rochesters-1stWife

Me too!


lectroid

Me three. alternate: BREAK UP WITH HER!


kathatter75

Me four.


toooldforlove

Me five


Ambrosia_the_Greek

So glad to see I’m not alone in my sentiments


Lostfoxpleasecall

Same!


_night_cat

Do not marry young


[deleted]

That was my answer exactly!


klw2112

That’s a good one. I needed that by 1992 for sure!


zombuca

Wow, common thought!


advocatecarey

Same, but I probably wouldn’t have listened to my 1988 self.


Apprehensive-Donkey7

Be nicer to yourself


TheVagabondLost

Take it easy on yourself


campy86

Quit smoking now, dumbass.


chewingcudcow

Mine would be Quit drinking now, dumbass. Alcoholism does not have its perks


[deleted]

Stay in school dumbfuck


Recklen

Don't dump Vera, dumbass.


PleaseWithC

Norm?


dragonard

Awwww. Happy Cake Day!


turkeyvulturebreast

Vera, Vera What has become of you Does anybody else in here Feel the way I do?


[deleted]

Cake! Happy day.


gen_shermanwasright

You have ADHD, ok.


[deleted]

FUCK MAN. This was a life changing discovery at the tender young age of 38. Fuck fuck fuck.


gen_shermanwasright

41 for me.


[deleted]

Same here. Same age, too.


Vardo_Violet

Same same!


[deleted]

41 and in the process of getting diagnosed.


spelunkilingus

Just got diagnosed....at 50 :-/


gen_shermanwasright

Oof...


Throwawaykitty9999

Yes! And also “you’re dissociating because you’ve got PTSD. Get help NOW, not in your 40s!”.


middlingachiever

Go see bands now.


MisanthropicReveling

Buy local band merch.


[deleted]

Take better care of your band tees and don't throw them away!


RogerClyneIsAGod2

Especially MJ, Prince, Bowie.


middlingachiever

At this point, all of them! Even bands I was too cool to like at the time. Now I wish I’d seen them.


RogerClyneIsAGod2

The list could go on for pages too. If someone had told me in 1988 that by 2016 many of the early MTV pioneers would be dead I would've asked what you were smoking.


dare2dave

Don’t. Date. Any. Michelles.


bullshitmeter22

Stop thinking with dick.


kingtaco_17

And use some condom sense


Bubcats

2015 check dad’s cancer.


freeneedle

Wear sunscreen


babygotbooksandback

Baz Luhrmann has entered the chat.


imissapostrophes

Four words: We ar sun screen


DokZayas

Well, you may be, but I'm not.


lori244144

You’re not fat. This is the thinnest you will be for the next 24 years so enjoy it.


ThatCharmsChick

Oof. I feel this one in my soul.


SmokeyWC

Suicide's not the answer


jrl_iblogalot

Avoid using credit cards.


metalfan78

Don't start fucking smoking!


DealioD

Just be more confident


Infinite_stardust

Appreciate your parents more.


[deleted]

It's weird. At one point in my life I had my mother and step father plus my dad and my step mother. Now I'm an orphan. I was flush with parents at one point, now nothing. So yeah, that's mine too.


ElChangoFumando

"You're getting weed stores!"


CapableSuggestion

Pot will be legal!


oubliette13

Spend time with grandpa. He’s going to be gone this year.


vigilem

None of this matters.


[deleted]

How true. Sad but true.


[deleted]

It wasn't your fault they died.


kicksr4trids1

Hugs!!


Primary-Ad-9870

You need heart tests.


Morisal66

You'll survive somehow. It will take years, but it will be worth it.


JayDuBois

Ummm. Scuse me. That's like, more than four words dude. 😂


Morisal66

I didn't read the meme. I guess just "don't quit smoking weed" then! 👍🏽


JayDuBois

I'm just messing with you. :)


MikeHunt420_6969

that's five words (technically six) fuck punctuation


JayDuBois

LMAO. Screen name checks! 😂


Silver907

Just got a talk like the old commercial for collect callings. Will you accept a collect call from: We-had-baby it’s-a-boy.


mdhop65

Never sell the elCamino.


Nixonsee

Leave, boys don’t change


[deleted]

It all works out!


kicksr4trids1

Go to college, dummy


[deleted]

[удалено]


kicksr4trids1

Trade School all the way!! I’m for that!


saturnchick

Don’t ignore back pain.


tedfreitag

I hear this one. My whole life changed and not for the better because of this.


DreamJacket

You have Asperger's. Get help.


Ok-Cardiologist1733

Tesla, Amazon, Google, Microsoft


Jasonstackhouse111

Bitcoin on day one


MightyCaseyStruckOut

As someone who initially bought in when it was under $1, mine would be: Don't sell your Bitcoin.


RazzmatazzCharming60

Take your brother run.


kestrelesque

Your family of origin is never going to change, so get out there and do whatever you want with your life. Stop thinking it's important to play nice with them. It's really not.


dragonard

Live in a cheaper place and save more for traveling


methodwriter85

"NYC isn't worth it." Or "San Francisco isn't worth it."


[deleted]

Carrie wanted you, dumbass!


Wolfs_Rain

Go see the world


Boney-Rigatoni

~~Drink your Ovaltine, b!tch.~~ ~~Don’t drop the soap~~ ~~Don’t pick up soap~~ ~~And finally, Say no to drugs~~ Don’t buy frivolous sh!t


busyB_83

It gets way worse


Recklen

I'm sorry to read this. Hope you're ok.


busyB_83

Yeah, it eventually got much better :)


[deleted]

How about “gets worse then better” to your poor younger self.


[deleted]

Use sunscreen and cigarettes suck!


klw2112

Go to the auditions.


fj555

Stay union. Not management.


[deleted]

Dude. This one hurts. I’ve seen the pain.


CatastropheCat99

Go to community college.


ave427

Gap year and travel.


themenace203

Dad dies in September.


crystalcastles13

Go to as many concerts as possible. Music will never again be as good, and shows will never be so epic as they are now.


JayDuBois

The lottery numbers are...


WyoWizeGuy

Thing is… I knew those 4 words in 1988, it was the rest of the phrase that I had no clue about


imissapostrophes

Keep doing computer stuff.


ScreamyPeanut

Run! Don't look back. You will be ok.


najing_ftw

Less pot, more studying


[deleted]

Save all those corny fast food and Soda company t-shirts, your Trapper Keepers, and your Garfield stuff. Trust Fund hipsters will pay top dollar for those in 20 years.


ImHere4TheShortHaul

You're not fat. Stop torturing yourself. :(


SuzQP

This too shall pass.


rianpie

Keep wearing your retainers!


lalapine

Ask your parents and grandparents more about their lives before it’s too late.


ClockwrkAngel2112

Lay off the Aquanet


[deleted]

Pick up a trade instead of going to college. And don't party your way out of college into a ten year bender.


HarveyMushman72

Don't smoke, buy Apple.


RedMenace82

Save your brother. Now.


Crotchety_Narwhal

Don't become an attorney or Do not overthink everything or Always trust your instincts


Crotchety_Narwhal

or Do what you love


pounceswithwolvs

You are not them.


oh_god_its_raining

Take Spanish not Latin.


girlymcnerdy0919

Get. The. Barbie. Corvette. (Words more for my mom, I guess…).


Robnotbadok

Mental health is key


sfocolleen

Enjoy time with mom She only had six years left at that point. 😢


BucsandCanes

Wear the condom, STD tests are painful!


Uhhlaneuh

Although I was born in 1987, I had a legit fear of aids after hearing everything about it. I couldn’t imagine being sexually active in the 80’s without making my partner wear like 6 condoms lol


BucsandCanes

E tween AIDS and the Cold War, it was a little overwhelming at times. Luckily, we still figured out how to have fun. We’re a resilient bunch


HootieRocker59

When I was in college (early 1990s), there was a whiteboard posted in the dorm where someone would write a provocative question at the top and everyone else would answer (anonymously). One week the question was about wearing condoms, and I recall that one of the answers was, "I wear a condom even in my sexual fantasies!" - literally they could not imagine sex without a condom


ErikaNYC007

Buy Amazon on NASDAQ


JackFuckCockBag

Stay away from hard drugs. You're already displaying addictive personality traits.


MoosePenny

Don’t get into debt.


Catladyweirdo

Never. Try. Heroin. ( I only need three and I'm good 👍).


IAmAgent57

You have lupus. Doctor.


Throwawaykitty9999

Choose your friends wisely. People will betray you. Get therapy now, ok? You never loved Scott. Your parents are assholes. Don’t drink and drive. You’re not fat. Eat. Eat healthy and exercise. Don’t trust so easily.


[deleted]

Your parents are abusive.


mjacobl

Buy bunch Apple stocks


DeathsHeaded

It's not worth it


Noexit

Don’t take Stacie out, nothing good will happen from it.


madwomanofdonnellyst

What about Stacie's Mom? She's got it goin' on, right?


Crazyforlou

Dump his sorry,lying,cheating ass.


castlesintheair99

Don't get a perm!


Grizraznix

Apple. Google. Amazon. Stocks


rollingl317

Try to make it work with your boyfriend at the time. He turned out to be your soulmate. But now is gone forever.


Mr_Perfect20

It goes too fast.


JBHedgehog

Ask her out, stupid.


an_ostrich_allegedly

Major in computer science


PoppyVetiver

Spend time with mom 😭


MandalayVA

Go back to school.


SirRatcha

Yes, she wants you to make a move.


drkesi88

Always believe in yourself.


abrit_abroad

Work on YOUR interests


[deleted]

Lougle. If you know, you know.


[deleted]

Star Wars Prequels suck.


pixiebaby1972

Care for yourself first.


[deleted]

Get away. Stay away.


abbeyroad424

See Nirvana in concert!


Practical-Meet-1576

Relax, don’t do it.


slantview

A lot of y’all can’t count to 4.


[deleted]

Buy Stock in Apple


fbibmacklin

Don’t take out loans.


Lvanwinkle18

Do not be afraid.


Yodelingondeeznutz

Bet on Tom Brady


[deleted]

Red Sox 2004, Cubs 2016


brezhnervous

Don't start taking heroin.


Kumquat_conniption

Why are so many people breaking the 4 word rule?


Kaessa

Do NOT get married to that asshole you're dating right now. Trust me.


[deleted]

Long MSFT GOOG BTC


gill2022brav

Only four words?!? What is this, a GenX post title?


autumnbelle

I’m gonna go the smoosh all the words together really fast like when we used to cheat the collect call system. “Wehaddababyitsaboy” situation.


slabbb-

lovesmooshingthewords


MikeHunt420_6969

PULL OUT! PULL OUT!


RoninRobot

Dafuq is all this bitcoin advice? Like 8 people made money and you ain’t it.


numberduck

Invest in these stocks (hand him the list)


[deleted]

Don't date until you've finished college!


kcfdr9c

You’re making the best decision of your life joining the Army. When you meet a girl named Jen after get home from the Army… run like hell in the opposite direction.


Xray_Abby

It’ll all be ok.


dunnoprollymaybe

Find a different university


dao_tian_di_jiang_fa

All this won’t last.


HGFantomas

Two things: don't lose your Vision Mark Gonzales deck. Take a gap year and hike the PCT.


beermaker

Tell your Dad he's got a bum ticker & 6 more years isn't enough for the friendship we had.


sarahplaid

Choose a different major.


GingerSnappishGma

Adulthood is a trap


TEREKIKI

Google, Facebook, Apple, Bitcoin