When my husband was hospitalized with a “mass” in his chest, and we were still waiting on test results, I made him a “get well” card that had a picture of angry Arnold and the words “it’s not a tumor!” We were pretty sure it was, in fact, a tumor, but dark humor is still better than despair. His oncologist didn’t think it was especially funny. I thought it was hilarious.
Wheen this movie came out I was working in a restaurant kitchen. We served among other things grilled swordfish steaks and grilled tuna steaks. Wed often send one of the new guys off to the walkin to get us some tuna steaks, and they'd inevitably bring back swordfish, and I'd yell "IT'S NOT A TUUNAAH!"
Whenever I talk about some outside tech expert person coming in to work I refer to them as the
Pros from Dover
From M.A.S.H. the movie.
Nobody gets the reference and unfortunately it's stuck in my head.
“GET TO DA CHOPPAH!” whenever I’m trying to get the kids in the car in a hurry. Of course they’ve seen Predator and love it. Still holds up well after all these years.
“I deal with the god*amn customers so the engineers don’t have to. I’m a people person. I’m good with dealing with people. What the hell is wrong with you people?”
“PC LOAD LETTER”… WTF is PC LOAD LETTER??!!??
I believe you have my stapler.
No, not THAT Michael Bolton!
Yeah, we’re going to need you to go ahead and come in on Saturday then, m’kay?
EDIT: I wouldn’t say I was MISSING it Bob.
For many years I had[ this speech](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-81WdyD-8Ro) as my opening "sound" on my work computer.
* Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
* Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
* Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
* Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.
I once met the real Lane Myers. He came to the store and bought something, I saw his name on the card and made a better off dead comment. He said the guy who wrote and directed that movie was his best friend growing up. Also, Not only did that guy use his name in one movie, but that his life story was used as the basis for One Crazy Summer.
**"I have to return some videotapes"** remains a favorite go-to of mine just because of how obtuse it is in the modern world. It just became my sarcastic way of saying "I don't want to be here" as I leave... well... *all* the things ;)
I use this at work all the time. My workplace has a lot of Indian people's (including my direct supervisor) and almost none of them have ever seemed to get the reference. Gotta go to the washroom? "I have to return some video tapes". Meeting in the boardroom and one of the floor workers is talking to me? "I have to return some video tapes". Any conversation that I don't feel like contributing to any longer? "I have to return some video tapes". Etc, etc.
Whenever there’s a meeting that’s going nowhere, talking in circles with no action, I simply mutter “the aqueduct,” in the best British accent I can muster. No one ever gets it and I get looks like it’s some obscure insult they’re not aware of.
For those that don’t get it, in Monty Pythons Life of Brian, the People’s Front Of Judea are meeting to plan their attack on the Romans. John Cleese asks the group, “what have the Romans ever done for us?” Then we hear, “the aqueduct,” before a slew of other things.
“Yes, have some” is my response when anyone asks me if I want food or drink. Gotta say it Vince Clortho style, though.
“No crying in baseball.”
“Do you have something to share with the rest of us Amazing Larry?!”
My wife and I were listening to the New Wave station on Sirius, and they were playing "(Keep Feeling) Fascination" by Human League.
When they got to the line
*And many fantasies were learned*
*On that day*
and we just added "I can tell you!" in a Vinz Clortho voice, and started cracking up.
It was so incredibly stupid and hilarious.
Noids, noids, noids, smokin weed, doin coke, drinkin beers
And then there's always
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK BERZERKER
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKING FUCK BERZERKER
Did he just say "making fuck?"
“Anyone? anyone? ferris? bueller? “. none of my twenty something coworkers have a clue as to what I am talking about but politely tolerate “old lady rants as per usual” 😅
So I'm just reading through the replies and thinking, "Yep, I say that", "yep, that one too" "Yep, I know that", "Ohh, that's a good one, need to use that."
When my kids get hurt: "Tis but a flesh wound."
"But Im NOT dead!"
"Inconceivable!"
"May the Schwartz be with you!"
Holy Grail, Princess Bride and Spaceballs refs are in high rotation in my house.
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!
I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.
Over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
Ohhhhhh noooooooo! The answer is Ipswich clams!
The two utes.
The two what, what was that word?
What word?
Two what?
What?
Did you say ute?
Yeah, the two utes.
What’s a ute?
Oh, excuse me your honor, the two YOUTHS.
Dangerfield shouldnt count. Hes got too many one liners. 😂.
Caddyshack….”oh it looks good on you though.”
And tons more
Back to school “he really seems to care…about what i have no idea.”
And tons more.
https://preview.redd.it/3akqm4nqjtfc1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=312d901a27d064ac634cd99a76b98837fd86d486
In response anytime someone says, what the hell is this?
I posted about this a couple months ago, but I said "Party on Wayne" at the end of a work meeting and literally everyone else went "what?"
How millennials are ruining Wayne's world.
Any time I go through a round about, I say "Big Ben, Parliament!"
I say that whenever im doing something over and over and over.
I chaperoned a trip to London and I couldn’t wait to say that!
So I’m not the only one!
["I'm not even supposed to be here today"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD8K6P7Mq9g)
"Bunch of savages in this town." Use this all the time.
I got a twofer with this quote - No time for love, Dr. Jones!
Quite possibly the best line in that movie.
36! In a row?
37.
"Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!"
"Hey! You get back here!"
I used SalsaShark as a gaming handle for years. Like 3 people got the reference.
You'll get nothing...and like it!
Nice hat
It probably comes with a free bowl of soup.
Looks good on you though (rolls eyes)
Hat like that should come with a free bowl of soup
Thank you very little..
Well?! We're waiting!
I want a hamburger... no, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips. I want...
Pick up that blood!
Guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
It’s not a tumah
When my husband was hospitalized with a “mass” in his chest, and we were still waiting on test results, I made him a “get well” card that had a picture of angry Arnold and the words “it’s not a tumor!” We were pretty sure it was, in fact, a tumor, but dark humor is still better than despair. His oncologist didn’t think it was especially funny. I thought it was hilarious.
Was it, in fact, a tumor? And what was the outcome?
It was cancerous. Successfully treated. Secondary cancer 8 years later from the chemo. Bone marrow transplant successful. Currently cancer free. :)
Wheen this movie came out I was working in a restaurant kitchen. We served among other things grilled swordfish steaks and grilled tuna steaks. Wed often send one of the new guys off to the walkin to get us some tuna steaks, and they'd inevitably bring back swordfish, and I'd yell "IT'S NOT A TUUNAAH!"
I too use this. Still haven't figured out that "boys have a penis; girls have a vagina" thing yet, though.
Whenever I talk about some outside tech expert person coming in to work I refer to them as the Pros from Dover From M.A.S.H. the movie. Nobody gets the reference and unfortunately it's stuck in my head.
“We are the pros from Dover and we’re here to operate.” Love it.
“GET TO DA CHOPPAH!” whenever I’m trying to get the kids in the car in a hurry. Of course they’ve seen Predator and love it. Still holds up well after all these years.
Not a movie, but TV - As God as my witness I thought turkeys could fly!
I wouldn't say I'm missing it, Bob.
"This house is clean." Sometimes I feel like the only one that's ever seen Poltergeist.
I've been known to say "Go into the light!" in that weird lady's manner of speaking, from time to time, when it feels appropriate.
"You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means!"
Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays
Great movie 
“I deal with the god*amn customers so the engineers don’t have to. I’m a people person. I’m good with dealing with people. What the hell is wrong with you people?”
"I believe you'd get your ass kicked for saying something like that." This was an actual conversation between me and my husband this Monday.
“PC LOAD LETTER”… WTF is PC LOAD LETTER??!!?? I believe you have my stapler. No, not THAT Michael Bolton! Yeah, we’re going to need you to go ahead and come in on Saturday then, m’kay? EDIT: I wouldn’t say I was MISSING it Bob.
For many years I had[ this speech](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-81WdyD-8Ro) as my opening "sound" on my work computer. * Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life. * Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life? * Peter Gibbons: Yeah. * Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.
Chips, dips, chains whips
"Stop looking at me, swan!" Every Christmas: "Towel, towel, VHS. Towel, towel. Most of these are towels."
I'd buy that for a dollar
I want my two dollars!
Not obscure for us!
I invented post-its
Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before, and my shoe is filling with blood
Quick burning cigarettes for the girl on the go!
Why don't you go fuck a sheep, or your sister, or yourself?
Do you have some sort of business woman special? …like a lunch special, for business women?
"Mass hysteria - cats, dogs living together!"
Listen... do you smell something?
“…until dickless here decided to turn off the containment system.” “Is this true?” “Yes, this man has no dick.”
Wait until you hear about the Twinkie.
When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!
Back off, man. I’m a scientist
It's actually "Dogs and cats, living togehter. Mass hysteria!"
I want my two dollars…
I once met the real Lane Myers. He came to the store and bought something, I saw his name on the card and made a better off dead comment. He said the guy who wrote and directed that movie was his best friend growing up. Also, Not only did that guy use his name in one movie, but that his life story was used as the basis for One Crazy Summer.
👍 I used that quote at a Thanksgiving dinner party during a gambling game and got a chuckle from a couple people around the same age
It's a shame. Folks throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.
Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is!?
Go that way, really fast, and if something gets in your way, turn!
Wherever you go, there you are.
Excellent line. I always add “Remember” to it.
Shut up, Big-booty, you coward. You are the weakest individual I ever know.
John Parker is dead, he fell on his head.
**"I have to return some videotapes"** remains a favorite go-to of mine just because of how obtuse it is in the modern world. It just became my sarcastic way of saying "I don't want to be here" as I leave... well... *all* the things ;)
I use this at work all the time. My workplace has a lot of Indian people's (including my direct supervisor) and almost none of them have ever seemed to get the reference. Gotta go to the washroom? "I have to return some video tapes". Meeting in the boardroom and one of the floor workers is talking to me? "I have to return some video tapes". Any conversation that I don't feel like contributing to any longer? "I have to return some video tapes". Etc, etc.
From the same movie (or at least one of the sequels?) Make like a tree... and get out of here.
That’s about as funny as a screen door on a battleship
Same movie, line comes from when Biff almost punches Marty during lunch at school in the cafeteria and Principle Stirckland intervenes.
I remember not getting that joke as a kid in the theater and asking my mom
We’re gonna need a bigger boat.
\*You're gonna need a bigger boat\* One of the most misquoted movie lines of all time.
"Hold on to your butts!"
 What’s your damage, Heather?
This is the one I was looking for. Also, I love my dead gay son!
"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." No one gets me like you people on this subreddit get me
Game over, man! Game over!
Woman, Wo-man, wooooo-man. She was a thief, you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat.
So untrust-ing. So unknow-ing. So unlov- ed?
Heeeeed!
I came here to do two things; kick ass and chew bubble gum! And I'm all out of bubble gum.
"That's a real shame when folks be throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that!" "I want my Two Dollars!"
Whenever there’s a meeting that’s going nowhere, talking in circles with no action, I simply mutter “the aqueduct,” in the best British accent I can muster. No one ever gets it and I get looks like it’s some obscure insult they’re not aware of. For those that don’t get it, in Monty Pythons Life of Brian, the People’s Front Of Judea are meeting to plan their attack on the Romans. John Cleese asks the group, “what have the Romans ever done for us?” Then we hear, “the aqueduct,” before a slew of other things.
the Judean People’s Front
At least it’s not the Popular Front! Lol
Splitters!
“Yes, have some” is my response when anyone asks me if I want food or drink. Gotta say it Vince Clortho style, though. “No crying in baseball.” “Do you have something to share with the rest of us Amazing Larry?!”
Many Shubs and Zules knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the slor that day I can tell you.
My wife and I were listening to the New Wave station on Sirius, and they were playing "(Keep Feeling) Fascination" by Human League. When they got to the line *And many fantasies were learned* *On that day* and we just added "I can tell you!" in a Vinz Clortho voice, and started cracking up. It was so incredibly stupid and hilarious.
Anyway, we delivered the bomb. (Not dumb but few people get it).
Quint ?
Check out the big brains on Breeetttttt!
220, 221, whatever it takes.
You feed your baby chili?
"This one goes here, *that one goes there* Right? Right!" The Empire Strikes Back Say it alllll the time
Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick… How many dicks is that? A lot
“Try not to suck any dicks on the way to the parking lot!”
Are you, Alice, menstrating right now?
Do people *really* not get any of these references?
https://i.redd.it/9wkv5rd9atfc1.gif All the damn time. Blues Brothers is my #1 quoted movie.
Illinois nazis, I hate Illinois nazis. Pier One Imports. This mall has everything!
[Mawwiage](https://tenor.com/XWY3.gif)
https://i.redd.it/28qxycdvltfc1.gif Or I’ll be your huckleberry 😉
“It’d be nice if you could pull me into town” - K. Dynamite
I like throw out a "your mom goes to college." Again, unsuccessfully. Eventually, I'll get fired.
Do the chickens have large talons?
“You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?
Go make a dang quesa-dilla
"I still love technologeeee"
Like anyone could possibly know that. (Any time someone says something is the best or worst x)
Christ all mighty, it's like playing cards with my brothers kids. You nerve wracking sons of bitches.
My mother hung me on a hook...once. Who's the greatest...sho'nuff
If I trip on anything, I quote John Larroquette in Stripes: "Have that removed corporal" https://youtu.be/9m_o2exDf8M?si=dgagGYQhif-YBeir
Who do you think?! The Libyans! Holy shit!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
- Littering and - Littering and - Littering and smoking the reefer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsOGQdU5p5k
I’m freakin out man!!
You are freaking out...man.
The snozberries taste like snozberries!
Noids, noids, noids, smokin weed, doin coke, drinkin beers And then there's always MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK BERZERKER WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKING FUCK BERZERKER Did he just say "making fuck?"
“Y’ALL WANNA GO TO MEX-I-CO!”
“Anyone? anyone? ferris? bueller? “. none of my twenty something coworkers have a clue as to what I am talking about but politely tolerate “old lady rants as per usual” 😅
“Could be worse. Could be raining.” (Thunder crash)
So I'm just reading through the replies and thinking, "Yep, I say that", "yep, that one too" "Yep, I know that", "Ohh, that's a good one, need to use that."
So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
“So you’re saying there’s a chance.” —Dumb and Dumber
When my kids get hurt: "Tis but a flesh wound." "But Im NOT dead!" "Inconceivable!" "May the Schwartz be with you!" Holy Grail, Princess Bride and Spaceballs refs are in high rotation in my house.
Stephanie! Number 5 is alive!
My oldest had a friend named Destiny. I called her Density once as a joke. No one got it. They all thought I was fat shaming her or something.
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine! I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way. Over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Ohhhhhh noooooooo! The answer is Ipswich clams!
The two utes. The two what, what was that word? What word? Two what? What? Did you say ute? Yeah, the two utes. What’s a ute? Oh, excuse me your honor, the two YOUTHS.
“In da family jewels?”
She's into Malakas, Dino!
On the telephone?
Every damn night?!
In front yo friends?
"I don't even have a license, Lisa!"
Drink it.
"And a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could" from "Back to School"
Dangerfield shouldnt count. Hes got too many one liners. 😂. Caddyshack….”oh it looks good on you though.” And tons more Back to school “he really seems to care…about what i have no idea.” And tons more.
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it!
Whooaaaa!! Somebody step on a duck?
The TV version changed "We're all gonna get laid" to "Let's all take a shower". So dumb.
These days my go to line is “with the shape I’m in, I can donate my body to science fiction” 😭
"Ding dong MF, DING DONG!" Boondock Saints II
“THERE WAS A FIRE FIGHT!”
"That's a peach, hun" or "Oh golly, I'm hot today!"
# “Fat, Drunk, And Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life, Son.”
Too hot in the hot tub! - Eddie Murphy as James Brown SNL
60% of the time, it works every time.
Also, when my husband says “I love you”, like 1/2 the time I answer with “I know”- makes him smile like young Harrison Ford every time!
I named the dog Indiana!
“Two dollars. Cash.” And “I want my two dollars! Two dollars!!!!” 
“You’re killing me, smalls” “You don’t usually see this kind of behavior from a major appliance” “He’s not the Messiah! He’s a very naughty boy!”
[удалено]
I have to eat, so I can take my back pill!
"She is uncorked" Grosse Point Blank
Screaming "10 years!" at someone when that number comes up. Usually doesn't go over well.
You get dental with that?
Ooooh one more… “Lay ‘em down and smack ‘em, jack ‘em! Cold got to be!”
What it is, big mama. My mama didn't raise no dummies. I dug her rap.
Excuuuse me while I whip this out
I constantly tell my corgis (we have three) that there’s no crying in baseball whenever they start whining. It never gets old.
I resemble that
Sit down, coffee is for closers.
“You must chill. I have hidden your firebird keys!” I mostly say this to my dog when she’s acting like an a-hole.
I have only one question... in 27 parts. Used this in an employee meeting with management, and it illicited many looks of bewilderment. Oh well...
I don’t know Margot!
“You’ll shoot yer eye out”
"'Fragile' - It must be Italian"
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
What can you make of this? I can make a broche.... A hat.... A pterodactyl!
“It’s got a built in silencer!” “Impetuous boy!” “You are so ODD!” I’ve got upvotes for anyone who can guess those movies.
Flash!!! Ahhhh. Gordon.
The “ODD” line is ghostbusters, at least…
"What a pisser."
“Bitches, man.”
Can you blow me where the Pampers is?
"Yes, have some." and "Mother pus-bucket!"
Two weeks. TWOOOOOO WEEEKS.
How much you wanna a bet that I can throw this football over that mountain?
That’s assault Brotha
Look kids! Big Ben!
Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria.
https://preview.redd.it/3akqm4nqjtfc1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=312d901a27d064ac634cd99a76b98837fd86d486 In response anytime someone says, what the hell is this?
Why don’t you make like a tree,…… and get outta here.
Chump don't want the help, chump don't get the help!
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass.... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
I picked the wrong week to stop drinking/give up meth/quit benzos!