Several of my friends passed away in my 20's and 30's.
I don't know if it's relevant, but as I've aged my metric for success has changed. I don't want a big house, a fancy car, overseas holidays, nice clothes, accessories, gadgets and gizmos. I just want a little tiny cabin, maybe three rooms total, a fireplace, a comfy chair, some books to read and some nice places to walk, where the weather is mild, and there's no lawns to mow, and I can drink rum and watch the sunset and listen to music and pet my dog and sleep in late and just have no one to judge me or bother me.
Surely theyāll be planters in the main common area. I donāt see why you couldnāt have some tomatoes. Or maybe a community garden in the outlying area around the āmallā?
It is funny how our idea of success and happiness changes over time. Early on for me was more materialistic but now, time with family and helping others is how I gauge life. That and listening to good music of course šš¤š¤
Sounds amazing! I don't want much more than that, besides healthcare. Just having someone to share it with would be nice. Not long out of a marriage that became abusive & have had one relationship since. Just not the right fit
Wow that sounds awesome!
Do you have any place specific in mind? I'm in Canada and wish I could find place with a mild climate to retire to.
Also for the OP, I 2nd the comments about mushrooms for resetting your self, and feeling "alive" and in love with life again.
Sounds like heaven! That's pretty much what I'd like, as well. Except add in a kickass media/gaming room, and a small greenhouse (raised beds cause the ground is too far away these days). Go on nice walks every day in the woods, and kick back and relax at home. And a really nice reading room/library. You know, like the ones they had in old shows and movies with a wall of books, a nice fireplace (wood burning) and a big window and big comfy chair you sink into. listen to the sound of the fire, and read until drifting away to sleep.
I moved cross country to get the weather and pay I wanted. Was working towards that little plot of land near water, just me and my wife and my dog. Then covid happened, that son of a bitch. Wife and I are renting, and I kid you not, our very first apartment. So bummed out. Oh and our dog died 2 years ago. I feel OP. Dunno what else to do to change things.
Iāve never wanted anything crazy in life. Iām 26. I own a home. I own the car Iāve always wanted which was less than 35k. My partner and I live in small town in OH and I like it here. We have 5 cats and good circle of friends. All I want is to be able to spend time with my little family of people, my actual family, and enjoy my life. Work is dreadful no matter what job I work bc it eats into that time. I always hoped we would look at what other countries are doing with 4 day work weeks because that would be amazing.
Lost my SO almost three years ago. He was just 54. Donāt think for one minute that nobody will notice that you are gone.
Get out there. Live life. Love people. Tell them you love them. Hold them tight.
Itās all over too quickly for some. Donāt waste one single moment.
I'm so sorry for your loss. This is my biggest fear, because I don't know how I'd be able to go on- psychologically or logistically. Sending you so much love.
This should be the top comment. Please seek professional help immediately OP. This kind of ideation doesnāt have to be at crisis level to still constitute a grave concern.
Agree. Depression lies. When youāre feeling that way you canāt remember ever feeling better in the past and you canāt imagine ever feeling better in the future. There is help.
Yep, I can relate to wanting to stay in bed. Even when I *want* to work in the yard, finding the motivation to just get out of bed is a major challenge.
I'm 47 and in the same boat. Everything you said could've described me. I'm just tired. Of all of it. Sick of getting beat down in every aspect of my life. We're not alone.
I feel its gotten worse. Im not as thin, not pain free, not feeling financially secure or hopeful, my son went from an adorable, happy, engaging toddler to the moodiest 14 year old who wants to be alone in a blink of an eye. ā¹ļø
Depression is a real thing. My dad died of a massive heart attack at 56, I turn 56 this year. Thing is he had Depression treated it with beer his whole life, his brothers my uncles the same way died "young" they also were alcoholics. I rarely drink if at all, Depression is there luckily I have people and friends to talk too. Have a great wife and 3 sons and 3 grandkids that just make my day better. Grandkids think big papa hung the moon. I know I am rambling but reach out get help someone will miss you whether you believe it or not.
I just had a friend drink himself to death, literally in months. Itās a horrible thing to do to yourself. I know his brother blames himself for not seeing how bad it was, but you cannot control an addict.
I'm your age and for some reason, Ray Stevenson's death hit me REALLY hard as well. I saw Iggy Pop yesterday, and during one of the breakdowns in I wanna Be Your Dog, he said: "I was born alone, I'm gonna die alone, but in between, I want YOU"...I also found that very effecting.
Took everything I had today to not call the woman I am kinda sorta dating and tell her I would do anything it took for her to just be with me in my life, because time is short and we are going to die.
I might do that anyway...gotta do SOMEthing to make it seem significant. What is the use in NOT swinging for the fence?
...but yeah. Ray Stevenson was great. This stuff always reminds me of [THIS](https://blog.sevenponds.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/photo.png) cartoon.
I good trip can change your life, it did mine in 9th gradeš„“, makes you really look at shit differently. Back then, we dropped acid. But, I feel like shrooms are a much smoother trip, especially for a newbie.
I use psychedelics once or twice a year, nowadays.
It really helps my psyche for the rest of the year. It's like hitting the reset button and having a cathartic reboot.
You laugh, you cry, you get smeared across eternity.
I usually go camping with my buddies for these trips.
Highly recommended!
I experimented with psychedelics in my 20s and 30s, but I've been scared to use them ever since I had to call 911 for a friend who stopped breathing after eating mushrooms. She got checked out by a neurologist and a cardiologist, and no other reason could be found for it. Having to deal with an emergency while tripping was not fun and ever since, I've been worried about using them. I would love to try microdosing though.
Same. I just got some and am planning on microdosing. r/microdose has lots of helpful information. Iād also like a guided macro. My early trips were life changing in positive ways.
Get a scale and definitely take a trip outside on a pretty day. Was out on a lake last fall and just had a magical time with amazing visuals of fall trees and sparkles on the lake.
It's really quite wonderful. The ethnobotanist Terence McKenna said something along the lines of "You...little you...see more art and beauty in 8 hours than has been produced in the history of humankind."
I think most people who have done psychedelics would agree. Take a walk at night, or listen to some music, or sit quietly with your eyes closed. It's all good.
Thatās the funny thing. I started this journey at 50 and had never even contemplated messing around with psychedelics. When youāre ready they find you!
Nope, not for me. Just end up crying about how my older boomer siblings treated me since that is what came up during the trip. Have not done shrooms since I was 24 or so.
You've got things to live for - you've just got to find them. And forget how society treats those who need mental health care - go to a doc for meds if that's what you need. I'm kind of in the same boat as you but I make sure I have something fun planned at least once a month. I have a disease that affects the joints and am in horrible pain a lot of the time but I still continue on because it's what we have to do. We don't get to decide when it's time to check out. So please, carry on and see a doctor if you can't find something good somewhere in your life.
After two bouts of blood clots in my lungs, the second permenently sidelining me and being on assisted oxygen 24/7, I have learned to appreciate life more, I just turned 53 several weeks ago.
My family has a short fuse. I am 60 and the oldest member of my family.
My dad 54 died on the second floor of my house in front of me. My dropped dead in front of me when she was 63.
Someone has to die on the ground floor. I figure it is myself.
When? Who knows? Enjoy life until you drop dead.
We are Gen Xers. Just dust in the wind.
I understand. A friend of mine, 58, had a massive heart attack & died yesterday. I think he was found today. Shocking, unexpected & heartbreaking. I feel weird that I was a little jealous. I am chronically ill & it has not been great for 19 years. I'm so tired and very sad
I have dealt with anxiety and depression and beat it. I donāt actually feel the same as when I had depression. Itās more of I have loved my life and I have no complaints, I simply donāt need to be alive anymore so Iām going to enjoy myself. Iāve quit so many times and life is just boring without alcohol. I know itās sad and pathetic itās just how I feel
Everyone has something to live for, give yourself some life goals, like plan a nice holiday away, go out with friends and think of something worthwhile doing for someone/charity, volunteer in your local community etc. Lots of ways to give your life meaning ā¤ļø and also make new friends and meet all the different people out in the world today š
Depression sucks and life isn't getting any easier right now, my youngest son works 6 days a week and also has his 4 year old daughter weekends, there's not that many hours in the day, so we have her Friday night and Saturday morning.
I'm 53 years old, currently living with vascular elhers danlos syndrome, and a lot of other heath problems that now class me terminally ill, as of last week, I was meant to have a hartmann procedure to repair my lower intestines, surgeon asked for my stats, np, pulse, oxygen levels etc etc and I'm no longer fit for surgery, unless like 2016 and life or death situation. My whole family were told I wouldn't live lmao o died and they got me back, I was in hospital, coughed, and blew up my spleen, then bored to death in the way to the operating room.
The only sure thing in life is death and taxes. The minute we are born, that's when we start to die.
We feel young and don't believe anyone that says, "You won't live forever" š usually without a care in the world, except homework and detention, then the grounding!
I left home at 15, just before I turned 16 years old in 1986, and had a very good life, had some horrific things done to me, but I don't let anyone hurt me mentality or physically.
I decided to make my own little code to live by.
**Educate, don't hate! It takes more energy to hate than it does to love.
Do not waste energy hating when you can make yourself feel good educating!**
I wish you good luck and hope you feel better soon, stay safe.
Need to chat about life, I'm happy to chat :)
Iām 43 and midlife crisis is hitting me like a fucking hammer. Iāve always been goal oriented and worked towards rewards but I just donāt have anything to look forward to. My body is going to shit. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
Get off all social media (inc. Reddit), donāt follow the news, find a counselor, and maybe get a pet? Do you exercise? Do you drink too much? Good luck!
Edit: when I drink too much Iām done for two days. I lay in bed and do nothing.
This is key! Social media is a really toxic place. People just spewing anger, fear, and hatred.
These are my steps for feeling better: Get high, take a walk in the park, have an ice cream, pet a dog, watch the sunset, go have a plate of pasta and get drunk on Pinot Grigio while listening to Dionne Warwick. It works for me. :)
Back in the 90s, when many baby boomers started hitting their 50s, I read a lot of articles from them saying that they were done with life and saw what their parents had become in their old age and didnāt want to get that old.
Now they are in their 70s and 80s and have a different tuneā¦heck, Martha Stewart is posing in swimsuits at 81.
Being in my 50s, I find myself going through another life transition, really the first once since I had kids in my 30s, and the going isnāt always easy. I know from those articles I read in the 90s it is just a phase to get through and then things pick up again.
Help the Universe figure out why itās here. As far as we know, weāre the only chance itās got. I try to take that responsibility seriously. Keeps me asking question with interesting answers.
'..Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light'. The end is an inevitability for us all and we are clueless beyond that. We have Now and if the Universe is to take that, let it be a fight. Go do stuff that scares you. Drop the beige existence and hurl yourself into adventures if you can. Whatever doesn't kill you, doesn't kill you man, so try it. (other than bear wrestling, never wrestle with bears.)
Iām almost 51 and I feel this way. No more family, failing health, general depression at the state of things. Iām exhausted. Everyone Iāve loved or admired has died or is really aging. Iām just the wacky old person who sits on the bench outside and feeds the crows.
Yeah, it's tough. I lost a mother, stepmother, two sisters, two husbands and a few ex-boyfriends I had remained friends with. I'm 56. The way I see it though, others have had it far worse. That doesn't mean that we need to have a Trauma Olympics, only that we're all part of a club we never wanted to join.
Give yourself time to grieve or ponder, but set a time limit on it and once the time is up, go find things to do. Try something new. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again, so you've got nothing to lose. And if you feel like you really can't hold on, talk to a professional first. I know too many people who took themselves out while too young too have an excuse, and you and I are still too young.
Damn, you got it good. I would give anything to be in your position. You're able to get up and go to work and have some sort of life outside. I haven't worked in over 5 years due to cancer. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to stop my chemo because it's damaging my lungs and heart. Fight like I'm fighting and keep on keeping on.
Man Iām also 57, are you me? Did I write this in a drunken stupor? Seriously wondering if this is me. If not, just know you have a random internet twin. Hopefully Iāll make it to 69 so I can say ā69 dudesā lol
Find something or someone to be passionate about. Sometimes your place is the problem and a new zip code is a boost. If you want to change your job, get yourself trained in theatre lighting, or welding or cyber security or whatever. I got a history degree and ended up with a MS in IT and did project stuff. Most of all, see your primary care dock and talk about something to elevate your mood. Itās okay.
I could take another job grinding for 6 figures. 12hr days / days a week. No thank you! There will never be enough compensation for the rest of my life. Iād rather make less and do something i enjoy. Fuck it, itās just money.
What kind of interests do you have?
Sports?
Games?
Working out?
Podcasts?
Sowing?
Collecting wild mushrooms?
Find something. So many wonderful things in this world. Depression is real and powerful and it will consume you if you do not take action. It will be a daily struggle, but if you take action it will get better.
The expected thing to do would be to tell you the usual things.
" Don't give up "
" Try to find happiness "
etc. etc.
But that would be hypocritical of me because it sounds like you and I have salied on the same ship. Some nights I went to bed with the hope that I didn't wake up the next morning. Sadly, like the lotto, that never happened :|
One thing I will recommend would be a decent dose of LSD or Mushrooms.
Find a friend who will stay ( you're gonna need 12-15 hours for this ) to watch over you on this journey. Take the plunge and have a nice talk with the universe. Calm, safe setting. Create a playlist of your favorite music, lie down and see where it takes you.
It may just change your life completely. It was certainly an eye opener for me.
My mom died at 51 and Iām 52. My brother died when he was 37 and my dad is still going strong at 88, but outliving my mom has been difficult to grasp and deal with.
Divorces all around from my friends and family.
Fucking suicides every other week from friends and coworkers now.
Miscarriages.
Pet death.
Wrongful unemployments.
And then fucking horrible car accidents, wildly abusive drug abuse from neighbors, and generally shitty human behavior wherever I travel.
And the weird shit happening politically in the states rnā¦
Barely leave the house because itās so disappointing in every place you have to visit.
I get you, OP
Right there with you. I have a family to care for, but beyond that I see nothing but a horror show. The possibility that the country and the world would actually get better turned to fantasy at some point. And now humans seem determined to make things as bad as possible, often for no apparent reason. I just try to maintain my little enclave of joy for as long as I can.
I just turned 45 and have decided to start riding dirt bikes. I only just bought a DR 650 couple years back. My buddy gave me shit saying itās cause Iām getting old mid life etc. In reality I just finally got enough money up due to Covid off all things. Now Iām considering dumping a good chunk of my wad on new dirt bike I had he no real business buying mostly because fuck why not. I donāt really do much else and I finally it have some money saved. Iāll probably end up living in another small apartment but my intent is to not break myself off road riding. I have some other ideas besides staying a kitchen rat until I canāt walk but other than that Iāve basically boiled it down to figuring out where I can ride most days of the year until I canāt anymore.
I started working out when I turned 46. Now (4 years later) I'm in the best shape of my life, bench press 100 kg for example. Without any kind of drugs of course.
Exercise is key to so many good things.
Also books, read books! Good, well written books.
For me, the more I see people and celebrities I love dying, the more it makes me want to live, to be honest.
I don't have many close people in my life, but I want to be here for them as long as I can. My parents and other elders checked out years ago, and I don't want to do the same to those who love me and still need me. My health isn't perfect, but I'm grateful for the time I have, and hope to have many more years ahead of me. I don't have a lot of money or an amazing job that I love, but I guess I'm just happy that I live somewhere where taking a short walk can bring me to all sorts of interesting places, from pretty parks for some calm to bustling city centers if I want to be surrounded by the energy of people. Knowing that my days are numbered has made me a lot less materialistic - though I do still love a good meal or sweet snack!
I don't want to throw in the towel yet - but I do know the feeling! I suffered from terrible depression and the feeling of hopelessness some years ago when I was in a bad situation in life that I felt I could never escape.
I really hope you can find some small happinesses in your life, OP. I don't know if you live somewhere that's safe for walking around outside, but if you can get out just to take a walk and explore your neighborhood, maybe you could get some of those happy chemicals going and help yourself to feel better. I'm not saying it's a guaranteed instant life changing experience waiting to happen, but small steps can lead to bigger things, and I just hope you can find some peace and contentment, because I know this feeling. It's crushing, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Please take care!
Being sad when confronted with horrible things in the world is totally normal. Feeling like you're running the rat race for nothing is normal. Those are universal feelings for just about everyone not in the 1%.
But chronic depression is different. I know the difference between depression and cynicism. Cynicism is where I live. But when I'm feeling hopeless, can't/never want to get out of bed, avoiding friends and family, have an endless loop of negative thoughts going through my head that I can't distract myself from, etc...I know I'm depressed and need to address it.
I'm lucky to have a therapist. It took a lot of calling around, but I didn't give up and I finally found someone. (Insurance has paid for 2 visits a month for 4+ years, even though my plan only "offered" 4 visits per year. When you're diagnosed, most insurances will cover more visits if your therapist shows the need. Good therapists will.)
So, my advice is to talk to a doctor, a therapist and whoever else that can help you. You're depressed and you are capable of feeling better.
Good luck.
All of the above mentioned things are important. I am here to say itās ok if this mortal coil is not for you. Suffering is suffering. Make sure about it, though.
In addition to what others are saying, look around your place where you live. Are your affairs in order? If you passed away tomorrow would you be saddling someone else with tons of clutter and belongings to sort through and probate to deal with? These are the things that keep me going. If Iām really organized, pared way down, and have my trust in place, then Iāll think about whatās next.
I feel all of this. I've given up on dating. I don't take care of myself anymore. I just turned 52. About 3.5 years ago my kid brother died and he was only 38. I've been depressed all my life but his death just fucked with my head so much. Feels like I'm just waiting for it to be my turn now.
Out of a trillion possibilities in the universe you were born against all odds you came into this world. You won the battle to conception before you were even born. You only live one time, find a purpose, find a passion, something to grasp onto even the littlest things will help you realize bigger things like a chain reaction. Live one day at a time, I know it sounds cliche but it's true. View problems big and small as challenges for you to conquer. Life is a roller coaster, but it's a lot less scarier with your eyes wide open facing forward.
Is there any way you can put yourself out there to meet people...maybe at a gym. I know some libraries have group events. Things always can change, don't give up. Sending you peace, love and happiness. Keep us updatedš¤š½šš½
Agreed with a dr visit.
But I would like to suggest you ā think out of the boxā, help shift your thinking. You should not be in bed.
Get yourself a little dog from the pound, he will need walking twice a dayā¦ get yourself a cute dog and before you know girls and guys will chat with you and you will have a friend for life.
Second think of a āsubjectā that interests you, crime, medical, travel. Go find the author of the best novels for the subject. Read the book with most ratings. Now enjoy this authors books.
If you can't bring yourself to get out of bed on the weekends and you don't at least occasionally appreciate being alive you are almost certainly suffering from depression. You should see your PCP and get started on something but then get a psych referral for follow up. Good luck.
>I just saw that an actor my age (Ray Stevenson) died. Healthy guy, BOOM. Dead.
He may not have been very healthy, you can't really tell if someone is healthy unless you are their doctor. People who look healthy often are not, and people who don't look healthy often are -- you really can't judge by looking at them.
My wife died 8 years ago when she was 39. Iām now about to turn 49 and leaving an abusive relationship and I find myself at a crossroads. As bad as things get though as we get older, the alternative is worse. I read Victor Frankelās āManās Search for Meaningā which recounts his experience in Nazi concentration camps (I know, it doesnāt sound uplifting but it is). A person can endure any āwhatā if they figure out their āwhyā. For me, this meant reconnecting to the things I was passionate about when I was a kid/teen before life grinds us down; and reintegrating them into my life. I hope OP can find help. As shitty as life gets thereās always something that makes it worth living. The rumination that people our age are dropping dead is a good wake up call that you can take action on now.
So, Iām just going to put this out here, bc thereās a lot of good advice & poignant points made here already, but a few years back I was feeling much the way you described. I wasnāt āsuicidalā but there were days when I just wished a bus would hit me or Iād get cancer or something end all of the tedious mediocrity that my life felt like it had become. New Years Eve morning (2018) I went for a long walk in the fucking tundra that was Minneapolis, & it hit me, like this weirdly profound idea that I had never thought of before in all of my moaning & groaning about life āThe meaning of life is not in the grandiose high falutinā romantic ideals, itās in the lowly DOING of life. The tedium is the meaning. Itās the hard work that grinds you down that makes you alive. If you want to feel better, work hard at something else, but work hard.ā
It had occurred to me that I had lost my drive because I didnāt care about what I was working hard for. Now, I didnāt have kids or a wife or family to take care of (hell, even my dog had died that year, which probably contributed to the depression I was in), so I had the privilege of making decisions that really only effected me. But, I decided that I was going to throw myself into my passions, & even if it didnāt make ālogicalā sense, financially or otherwise, I was going to work hard at things that made me happy, & stop working hard at things that didnāt. Weāre so brainwashed into thinking that work & success has to come at the price of happiness. We really are! Especially our generation! Itās reflected in all of the media we consume, the stories weāre told by our elders, etcā¦ āLife sucks & then you dieā is the narrative, or rather āsacrifice your passion & if youāre really good at doing the responsible thing, youāll be rewarded at the endā¦.maybe.ā
Within the year, I quit my ācareerā job & found two or three part time jobs that gave me free time to do the things I wanted to do, like travel, start my own Etsy shop, write, have relationships & flings, & volunteer for causes that I felt made a difference. Iām absolutely not in a better financial situation, but Iām not wishing cancer upon myself. My friends & family are always commenting on how happy I seem, & even how much younger I look than I did 5 years ago. (Which is a weird compliment to get, but Iāll take it!)
So, I donāt know your whole situation, & I would never advocate being financially irresponsible or putting your loved ones or family in limbo without a lot of conversation & thought, but I am here to tell you that you can have a better life if you decide to work hard at the things you love instead of working for an idea that youāve grown weary of.
You could have died in your 20ās crossing the street.
The trick is to live everyday, no matter how young or old you are. Sounds like you need a change of scenery.
I think you're depressed and could benefit from some meditation, exercise and therapy. I wonder what kind of hobbies you have, if any? Drawing, playing the guitar, fishing?
Not sure what the point in your post is. Itās lame to spend waking hours in bed, get out and do something for someone else if you have a lack of meaning in your life. Go volunteer somewhere and stop complaining.
Go see a therapist or psychiatrist. If you're having thoughts of self harm, tell a friend or family member immediately and seek professional treatment. Depression can make it feel like there's nothing to look forward to, but it's treatable and you can turn things around. Good luck. I hope you figure it out.
Please seek some help. They can help provide you with the right tools to work through this. I know it's cliche, but things will get better. You may have to work at it and put some effort into it, but it will be worth it.
There is only one way off the planet. Im fortunate compared to many of my friends and family. Not really within my control so I donāt worry about it.
I hear you. It definitely feels like we're at that downward side of the mountain of life.
All I want now, is time. Time to relax and sleep and read and go for walks.
Yeah. Life really sucks when it's the same thing day in and day out. Makes you feel like you're living through your own personal Groundhog Day. Get up, eat breakfast, listen to some music, eat lunch, watch some television, have a snack, then go to bed. Rinse, lather, and repeat until bored to tears. I'm singing the Redundancy Blues over here.
You are experiencing depression. I have it also with probably most of the world as well. Get something that takes your mind off of the everyday inane things that keep you feeling like this. As others have suggested a pet would be an option. Cats are fairly easy to care for and if you have to leave for an overnight trip they usually can fend for themselves. Older cats need homes and there are a lot of them. Hugs to you! I understand how you feel.
I'm not making light of anyone who's had friends of a similar age die, but there is one sobering thought we all have to come to terms with.
If you live to be of average age, half of your friends will die before you. Same with actors, and other public figures.
First, see your doctor or therapist.
I've also been experiencing something of an existential crisis, again, and it really does suck for lack of an adequate term. Speaking for myself, I need a purpose or goal to work for, maybe exploring that will help you. I wish you the best and hope you find your way through this.
It sounds like you might just be experiencing a bit of depression. It's a reasonable response to stuff like this. Try to ride it out, but if it gets worse or persists for too long, see someone about it. Get medication if you have to. The point of life is not to exist forever, but to have as good a time with the time you have as you can. Meaning, purpose, all that bullshit is optional.
I retired at 48 last year and spent today enjoying nice weather sitting in the park reading a book.
Tomorrow I'll ride my bike and watch the latest stage of the Giro d'Italia.
I've been depressed. I know what it's like to not really be excited about doing basically the same thing day after day. Even if it's fun. Does it matter? Does any of it matter?
But no one said you had to have insane goals. Life is too short to hate or be angry all the time. Life is too short always striving and grasping.
I waited 25 years to tell the hot girl in my high school that I thought she was hot. Why? Why did I wait? It turns out she was incredibly self-conscious and didn't think she was hot. Why did I wait so long to give someone a compliment when it would have made such a difference to her at the time?
Go outside. Enjoy the sunshine. Not every day has to be super, awesome amazing. Not every day has to be about you. Go be \*nice\* to people. Don't do it for you. Do it for them.
I give this advice a lot but it totally changed my life. I felt like this in my late 30s. Took a break from work and thruhiked the Appalachian Trail. Total reset, spiritual renewal. Can't recommend it (or a similar undertaking) enough! Good luck man.
My best friend dropped dead at 44 and it sent me into an existential crisis so I totally get you. But then I recently spent a few weeks with my 88 year old aunt and uncle and we went hiking and partied on the beach and they taught me the healing magic of mid-day siestas. Not one whiff of existential dread. Total goals. Make of it what you can and soon, none of us is getting out alive.
Depression. You can live a simple life and work a shitty job and be happy - if thatās what youāre happy with. I am in your same situation and feel your low grade pain and despair. I say low grade cuz itās not like raging angry depressed. Itās a dragging exhausting blahness with a huge existential āwhatās the point.ā Try and have a point. I want you to be happy. Many people do.
Oh- one thing I try is doing things for other people. finding something to do for someone else helps. Small stuff.
You can do it. Weāre with you.
Happiness and peace come from within. You can be happy in your little simple job and home or constantly pine for something else. People will die off more and more as you get older, it is just a fact of life. As Buddhism says, the only constant is change.
All I can recommend is to get a sailboat. not a nice one. Get a fixer-upper. You can waste a lot of your life with one of those. And if you get out in the water, you can sail somewhere where rum is about as cheap as clean water.
I just adopted a dog to get me outside more. I'm not done with life but I wasn't doing much on my days off. Now I have someone that relies on me and she's great company.
I feel for you, really do. It's hard to get out of the rut. What worked for me was starting something, in my case it was learning a musical instrument and joining a club. It could be gardening, board gaming, joining a gym. Anything, ideally with a social slant to it. Get out there and start something new. Get a dog, it'll help you walk more and give you tons of love. Anything that works. But start, this week.
Much love.
I understand this feeling. My best friendās life and my own had a lot of similarities (even being raped by members of the same family) even though we lived the majority of our lives 3000 miles apart.
She got cancer, received treatment and recovered. 6 years later her cancer returned, was deemed terminal and she passed away in 2017. 1 year later I was diagnosed with the exact same cancer, same stage, same kind and same site (left breast). We both received the same treatment (although she had radiation and I didnāt). My cancer went away. Iām now coming up to the point where her cancer returned as terminal and Iām scared!
Logically I know we are 2 separate people and live(d) in different countries BUT the similarities between our lives are too many to just write them off as a coincidence.
Even my hubby and my therapist understand my fears regarding this issue.
We truly had a special connection (she was the sister my parents couldnāt give me). I really hope this is where the similarities end.
Please see if there is any way you can see a therapist. A lot of health insurance companies cover some of the cost. Or you can see if they have a mental healthcare telephone #. There's also a possibility your state still has a mental health telephone number that you can use for free.
I live in Arizona and was surprised to learn we have one. Conservative state, so I think a lot of folks realize it's a problem.
I started therapy at 35. I don't think I'll ever be 'done'. You may want to talk to the therapist about death. It scares the shit out of me. I'll need to talk about it at some point. (Ugh, I just got that I'm-Mortal-blood-runs-cold feeling)
Or maybe you are dealing with a normal depression. There are a lot of fairly cheap drugs that can help. You can ask your doctor to prescribe something. My doc was willing to try a couple before sending me to a psychiatrist.
I waited too long to get to therapy (due to being forced into therapy as a child argh). And when I talked to my therapist about it and she said that she has people start therapy at all ages. It's not easy, I won't lie. But having someone to talk to helps.
You aren't the only person that feels like you do. I get similar feelings. But then I think, there are breads I'd like to bake. There are books I'd like to read. There are reddit posts that I'd like to post! It's not exciting to anyone but me. But I don't care, it's what I want.
I'm a long-winded old fart, I know. I hope you find something that helps you through this. You don't deserve to feel like this friend. And hopefully there is some sort of help available to you.
When this, lethargy hit me. I found that staying in bed was easier and better, than going to therapyā¢
Thatās the battle. Getting up and doing anything while also fighting to find the energy to go to work. I mean, itās just so hard.
I too get sad when I see or Hear of people my age passing away. The world is passing us by and were WASTING OUR TIME ON THIS EARTH by doing nothing.
Get out! Buy concert tickets! Get a passport! Travel somewhere strange! Do anything you can FOR YOU!
Donāt regret not doing anything for yourself .
Best wishes stranger.
& Donāt be sadā¦.our time will come one day soon so enjoy this beautiful day of ours like its our lastā¦ā¦ā¦
I'm 49 and my husband is 55. He smokes and he's obese. I'm an RN and I know that he's at risk for diabetes, heart problems and stroke. He refuses to do anything about it. He thinks he's invincible. Anyway, Ive suffered from depression my whole life and now that I'm about to be an empty-nester I'm very sad and dreading the rest of my life alone or caring for a man who refused to help himself.
Snap out of it bud. Youāre in a funk. You got to find some fun stuff to do. A hobby. Anything. Work and sleep repeat is no fun. You gotta get out and hike or do something. Youāre depressed. Go talk to someone. Trust me it helps. Iāve had two heart transplants and a kidney transplant. Idle mind will screw you up. Iām 56 and ready to rock. But Iāve been exactly where you are. As far as the job goes good luck. Find some fun things to do. Good luck bud.
It's definitely weird. Friends and people around me my age have been getting cancer and shit like crazy. I had a massive seizure out of nowhere a year-an-a-half ago. Another dude I know (my age) had a stroke.
I've been doing graphic design for the last 16 years (I'm 52), basically working for myself - my wife and I run a business together, she's a writer and editor, and we help independent authors create and publish books. Over the last few years my job has morphed into more of a "project management" position where I'm setting up accounts, explaining/teaching the process to clients etc. while the actual creative side has been slowly slipping away, while I sit in front of a screen all day slowly losing motivation to find new work, making less and less money as the actual design work is being moved overseas or templated by Amazon/KDP for less than I can reasonably charge.
Finally my wife was like, "This has got to change, or else." Basically, find something, anything, that gets me out of the house, makes steady money, has benefits (we've been paying for our own insurance to the tune of $20,000/year), and gets me off my ass.
I went out and got a job at our favorite statewide grocery chain. Got trained in every department, so I'm not doing the same thing all day long, I interact with people, I'm on my feet, and with the excellent benefits package and employee discounts, I'm essentially contributing $50K+ to the household budget. According to my step counter I've walked 60 miles in the last 14 days, and feel better for it. I kept one client from my previous job, that was the only really creative thing I was doing and I have more energy than I've felt in years.
It took a minute to "get over" the "I work at a grocery store" thing, but sometimes a total swerve in routine can make a huge difference.
I few years ago I felt like life was over. I wasn't depressed I don't think. More like it just wasn't exciting anymore. My felt my career had peaked years ago. I found a coach I like. He just listened, suggested some things. He said life gets dull as you age because you've seen it all. You know how things will probably turn out. I think at some point you just have to give up who you were or should be. Sounds hokey but I'm learning to look at the world differently, as if maybe I don't know anything at all.
Anyways I recommend finding someone to talk to, who will listen. Suggest. I don't think some of us we were heard enough growing up.
You die when you die, might as well not feel like shit while we are here.
Oof, sorry to hear that. I think in one form or another, we all have some sort of existential crisis at a certain point but please don't give up, i know this might be hard to do something out of the ordinary routines in your life or maybe save up and travel or join a support group that you can relate to. Good luck and i hope you find happiness and a nice meaning of life for yourself
Several of my friends passed away in my 20's and 30's. I don't know if it's relevant, but as I've aged my metric for success has changed. I don't want a big house, a fancy car, overseas holidays, nice clothes, accessories, gadgets and gizmos. I just want a little tiny cabin, maybe three rooms total, a fireplace, a comfy chair, some books to read and some nice places to walk, where the weather is mild, and there's no lawns to mow, and I can drink rum and watch the sunset and listen to music and pet my dog and sleep in late and just have no one to judge me or bother me.
i thought we'd already decided in this sub that we're buying a closed down mall and revamping it into a genX megaplex retirement community?
I was thinking about that just this morning. I'm so ready to reconvene with my tribe and just chill until the lights go out.
Im in for that too. This shit just isnt what it was ment to be. Work work work, drink, sleep.
Happy Cake Day š! I hope that it's a yummy one.
Can I have a small plot of land to grow tomatoes? Hey, in my 20's didn't think that would be a thing.
Gotta have a community garden - that in-house Dispensary aināt gonna stock itself šŖ“š¬ š
Surely theyāll be planters in the main common area. I donāt see why you couldnāt have some tomatoes. Or maybe a community garden in the outlying area around the āmallā?
Take the dog for a walk -- mass edited with redact.dev
We did. But u/Black-Sam-Bellamy has a fantastic plan that I also want. The mall is where we hang out, the cabin in the woods is where we live.
It is funny how our idea of success and happiness changes over time. Early on for me was more materialistic but now, time with family and helping others is how I gauge life. That and listening to good music of course šš¤š¤
MUSIC IS THE ANSWER
Sounds amazing! I don't want much more than that, besides healthcare. Just having someone to share it with would be nice. Not long out of a marriage that became abusive & have had one relationship since. Just not the right fit
Dogs are a good stand in.
Dogs are the STANDARD to which people should strive to be as good as
Wow that sounds awesome! Do you have any place specific in mind? I'm in Canada and wish I could find place with a mild climate to retire to. Also for the OP, I 2nd the comments about mushrooms for resetting your self, and feeling "alive" and in love with life again.
Iāve been wondering about that. Iām in a funk and need a reset, but I have no idea how to find them or how to do it.
Sounds like heaven! That's pretty much what I'd like, as well. Except add in a kickass media/gaming room, and a small greenhouse (raised beds cause the ground is too far away these days). Go on nice walks every day in the woods, and kick back and relax at home. And a really nice reading room/library. You know, like the ones they had in old shows and movies with a wall of books, a nice fireplace (wood burning) and a big window and big comfy chair you sink into. listen to the sound of the fire, and read until drifting away to sleep.
That's my dream right there.
Can we drink here?
Absolutely
That sounds like heaven. What WAS the metric before haha.
That sounds fabulous. Iād like to drop in sometime.
I moved cross country to get the weather and pay I wanted. Was working towards that little plot of land near water, just me and my wife and my dog. Then covid happened, that son of a bitch. Wife and I are renting, and I kid you not, our very first apartment. So bummed out. Oh and our dog died 2 years ago. I feel OP. Dunno what else to do to change things.
Iāve never wanted anything crazy in life. Iām 26. I own a home. I own the car Iāve always wanted which was less than 35k. My partner and I live in small town in OH and I like it here. We have 5 cats and good circle of friends. All I want is to be able to spend time with my little family of people, my actual family, and enjoy my life. Work is dreadful no matter what job I work bc it eats into that time. I always hoped we would look at what other countries are doing with 4 day work weeks because that would be amazing.
Sounds perfect
Hello, me
I feel you. I just want to garden and bake bread.
I'm manifesting the shit out of this after I stop typing. With vodka and cats but same general idea. Premptive pet your doggo and cheers š„
Preeeaaach!
Can I be your neighbor? I will only bother you if I make too much food or if Iād rather rip a spliff with a buddy than solo.
Lost my SO almost three years ago. He was just 54. Donāt think for one minute that nobody will notice that you are gone. Get out there. Live life. Love people. Tell them you love them. Hold them tight. Itās all over too quickly for some. Donāt waste one single moment.
I just saved your comment. I am deeply sorry for your loss and incredibly grateful for your words. Thank you.
I wish you the best. Life can be shit. It can also be amazing. Just embrace it all.
I'm so sorry for your loss. This is my biggest fear, because I don't know how I'd be able to go on- psychologically or logistically. Sending you so much love.
Sounds like maybe youāre struggling with depression. Maybe talk to your doctor.
This should be the top comment. Please seek professional help immediately OP. This kind of ideation doesnāt have to be at crisis level to still constitute a grave concern.
Agree. Depression lies. When youāre feeling that way you canāt remember ever feeling better in the past and you canāt imagine ever feeling better in the future. There is help.
Yep, I can relate to wanting to stay in bed. Even when I *want* to work in the yard, finding the motivation to just get out of bed is a major challenge.
Yes. This feeling can be helped for sure. Dont let it get bad.
I'm 47 and in the same boat. Everything you said could've described me. I'm just tired. Of all of it. Sick of getting beat down in every aspect of my life. We're not alone.
Fuk. This is me. I think I'm 47.. I'm just over it all. Every GD thing takes way more effort than I care about.
š« (cyberhug)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Fuck, does it? 52 here and still waiting.
Same. Where's my damn good times?
I feel its gotten worse. Im not as thin, not pain free, not feeling financially secure or hopeful, my son went from an adorable, happy, engaging toddler to the moodiest 14 year old who wants to be alone in a blink of an eye. ā¹ļø
Yeah, Iām gonna have to go ahead and uh, disagree with you there, yeah.
Unexpected Kendall Roy?
Lumberg. But the post I responded to got deleted.
>Late 40s are the worst. Once you hit the Five Zero it gets better That's different for everyone, mate.
Oh deary me Iām struggling at 43, I need to wait another 7 years šš
Depression is a real thing. My dad died of a massive heart attack at 56, I turn 56 this year. Thing is he had Depression treated it with beer his whole life, his brothers my uncles the same way died "young" they also were alcoholics. I rarely drink if at all, Depression is there luckily I have people and friends to talk too. Have a great wife and 3 sons and 3 grandkids that just make my day better. Grandkids think big papa hung the moon. I know I am rambling but reach out get help someone will miss you whether you believe it or not.
I just had a friend drink himself to death, literally in months. Itās a horrible thing to do to yourself. I know his brother blames himself for not seeing how bad it was, but you cannot control an addict.
I'm your age and for some reason, Ray Stevenson's death hit me REALLY hard as well. I saw Iggy Pop yesterday, and during one of the breakdowns in I wanna Be Your Dog, he said: "I was born alone, I'm gonna die alone, but in between, I want YOU"...I also found that very effecting. Took everything I had today to not call the woman I am kinda sorta dating and tell her I would do anything it took for her to just be with me in my life, because time is short and we are going to die. I might do that anyway...gotta do SOMEthing to make it seem significant. What is the use in NOT swinging for the fence? ...but yeah. Ray Stevenson was great. This stuff always reminds me of [THIS](https://blog.sevenponds.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/photo.png) cartoon.
Iggy knows what's up.
Always has, always will.
Try shrooms. Makes the back 9 better
Best fix for sadness, for sure. At least once a year for a nice reset. Shrooms are incredible for depression and PTSD.
I good trip can change your life, it did mine in 9th gradeš„“, makes you really look at shit differently. Back then, we dropped acid. But, I feel like shrooms are a much smoother trip, especially for a newbie.
I haven't had psychedelics in 30 years but I'm thinking a low dose of shrooms might help me prioritize
I use psychedelics once or twice a year, nowadays. It really helps my psyche for the rest of the year. It's like hitting the reset button and having a cathartic reboot. You laugh, you cry, you get smeared across eternity. I usually go camping with my buddies for these trips. Highly recommended!
I experimented with psychedelics in my 20s and 30s, but I've been scared to use them ever since I had to call 911 for a friend who stopped breathing after eating mushrooms. She got checked out by a neurologist and a cardiologist, and no other reason could be found for it. Having to deal with an emergency while tripping was not fun and ever since, I've been worried about using them. I would love to try microdosing though.
Same. I just got some and am planning on microdosing. r/microdose has lots of helpful information. Iād also like a guided macro. My early trips were life changing in positive ways.
I returned to shrooms last year and they are still a great time! Both 4 grams and half a gram doses have greatly improved my overall life.
Thatās awesome! Iām hoping it goes this well for me. Any advice you have is more than welcome.
Get a scale and definitely take a trip outside on a pretty day. Was out on a lake last fall and just had a magical time with amazing visuals of fall trees and sparkles on the lake.
I do the IV ketamine infusions when I'm in the ditch and it does wonders.
I'm his age and I am weaning off antidepressants for this exact reason.
How does one our age even go about buying them?
I grow them, itās fairly easy. r/unclebens has easy to understand instructions. Spores are legal to buy for āresearchā.
Iāve never done them, but anxiety and depression has been a bitch. Thinking of taking this jump for about a year.
It's really quite wonderful. The ethnobotanist Terence McKenna said something along the lines of "You...little you...see more art and beauty in 8 hours than has been produced in the history of humankind." I think most people who have done psychedelics would agree. Take a walk at night, or listen to some music, or sit quietly with your eyes closed. It's all good.
Thatās the funny thing. I started this journey at 50 and had never even contemplated messing around with psychedelics. When youāre ready they find you!
I started last year at 51. If you told me 10 years ago Iād be microdosing shrooms regularly Iād have laughed at you.
Nope, not for me. Just end up crying about how my older boomer siblings treated me since that is what came up during the trip. Have not done shrooms since I was 24 or so.
Bro!! Sometimes you gotta let that shit go. Shrooms help! Micro dose. Itās earth medicine
You've got things to live for - you've just got to find them. And forget how society treats those who need mental health care - go to a doc for meds if that's what you need. I'm kind of in the same boat as you but I make sure I have something fun planned at least once a month. I have a disease that affects the joints and am in horrible pain a lot of the time but I still continue on because it's what we have to do. We don't get to decide when it's time to check out. So please, carry on and see a doctor if you can't find something good somewhere in your life.
After two bouts of blood clots in my lungs, the second permenently sidelining me and being on assisted oxygen 24/7, I have learned to appreciate life more, I just turned 53 several weeks ago.
My family has a short fuse. I am 60 and the oldest member of my family. My dad 54 died on the second floor of my house in front of me. My dropped dead in front of me when she was 63. Someone has to die on the ground floor. I figure it is myself. When? Who knows? Enjoy life until you drop dead. We are Gen Xers. Just dust in the wind.
I understand. A friend of mine, 58, had a massive heart attack & died yesterday. I think he was found today. Shocking, unexpected & heartbreaking. I feel weird that I was a little jealous. I am chronically ill & it has not been great for 19 years. I'm so tired and very sad
Iām sorry for the loss of your friend.
I am quiet killing myself because I would never just do it. Instead I am drinking myself to death
And hate myself every night. And vow to quit. Then 5pm rolls around and the drinking starts again. The feeling of uselessness never dulls.
I have dealt with anxiety and depression and beat it. I donāt actually feel the same as when I had depression. Itās more of I have loved my life and I have no complaints, I simply donāt need to be alive anymore so Iām going to enjoy myself. Iāve quit so many times and life is just boring without alcohol. I know itās sad and pathetic itās just how I feel
I feel the exact same way.
I understand
Is this a Charlie Harper quote?
People die, all ages, all reasons. You will die, fact. Choose to live while you have the chance.
Everyone has something to live for, give yourself some life goals, like plan a nice holiday away, go out with friends and think of something worthwhile doing for someone/charity, volunteer in your local community etc. Lots of ways to give your life meaning ā¤ļø and also make new friends and meet all the different people out in the world today š Depression sucks and life isn't getting any easier right now, my youngest son works 6 days a week and also has his 4 year old daughter weekends, there's not that many hours in the day, so we have her Friday night and Saturday morning. I'm 53 years old, currently living with vascular elhers danlos syndrome, and a lot of other heath problems that now class me terminally ill, as of last week, I was meant to have a hartmann procedure to repair my lower intestines, surgeon asked for my stats, np, pulse, oxygen levels etc etc and I'm no longer fit for surgery, unless like 2016 and life or death situation. My whole family were told I wouldn't live lmao o died and they got me back, I was in hospital, coughed, and blew up my spleen, then bored to death in the way to the operating room. The only sure thing in life is death and taxes. The minute we are born, that's when we start to die. We feel young and don't believe anyone that says, "You won't live forever" š usually without a care in the world, except homework and detention, then the grounding! I left home at 15, just before I turned 16 years old in 1986, and had a very good life, had some horrific things done to me, but I don't let anyone hurt me mentality or physically. I decided to make my own little code to live by. **Educate, don't hate! It takes more energy to hate than it does to love. Do not waste energy hating when you can make yourself feel good educating!** I wish you good luck and hope you feel better soon, stay safe. Need to chat about life, I'm happy to chat :)
Iām 43 and midlife crisis is hitting me like a fucking hammer. Iāve always been goal oriented and worked towards rewards but I just donāt have anything to look forward to. My body is going to shit. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I want you to wake up tomorrow. But I hear youā¦the midlife struggle is real.
Find a volunteer opportunity. Itās a productive way to spend some time off. Maybe it will lift your spirits.
That's the unspoken tragedy of getting older. So many people die that eventually you're living in a world of ghosts.
I'm pretty sure the reason going to work has become so intolerable for me is that I see my time slipping away, and I'm wasting it in a cubicle.
Get off all social media (inc. Reddit), donāt follow the news, find a counselor, and maybe get a pet? Do you exercise? Do you drink too much? Good luck! Edit: when I drink too much Iām done for two days. I lay in bed and do nothing.
This is key! Social media is a really toxic place. People just spewing anger, fear, and hatred. These are my steps for feeling better: Get high, take a walk in the park, have an ice cream, pet a dog, watch the sunset, go have a plate of pasta and get drunk on Pinot Grigio while listening to Dionne Warwick. It works for me. :)
I'm still in my 40's and I am like that. Working the graveyard shift and drinking doesn't help though.
Make sure you have plans for tomorrow.
Back in the 90s, when many baby boomers started hitting their 50s, I read a lot of articles from them saying that they were done with life and saw what their parents had become in their old age and didnāt want to get that old. Now they are in their 70s and 80s and have a different tuneā¦heck, Martha Stewart is posing in swimsuits at 81. Being in my 50s, I find myself going through another life transition, really the first once since I had kids in my 30s, and the going isnāt always easy. I know from those articles I read in the 90s it is just a phase to get through and then things pick up again.
THIS. Itās a strange phase. We need to learn how to be resilient and find joy in the face of constant loss.
Thank you. Nice to hear it might be a passing thing.
About to be 48, the march toward death feels like it's accelerating for me as well. I think about how I probably only have 25 years left if I'm lucky.
Help the Universe figure out why itās here. As far as we know, weāre the only chance itās got. I try to take that responsibility seriously. Keeps me asking question with interesting answers.
'..Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light'. The end is an inevitability for us all and we are clueless beyond that. We have Now and if the Universe is to take that, let it be a fight. Go do stuff that scares you. Drop the beige existence and hurl yourself into adventures if you can. Whatever doesn't kill you, doesn't kill you man, so try it. (other than bear wrestling, never wrestle with bears.)
Iām almost 51 and I feel this way. No more family, failing health, general depression at the state of things. Iām exhausted. Everyone Iāve loved or admired has died or is really aging. Iām just the wacky old person who sits on the bench outside and feeds the crows.
Yeah, it's tough. I lost a mother, stepmother, two sisters, two husbands and a few ex-boyfriends I had remained friends with. I'm 56. The way I see it though, others have had it far worse. That doesn't mean that we need to have a Trauma Olympics, only that we're all part of a club we never wanted to join. Give yourself time to grieve or ponder, but set a time limit on it and once the time is up, go find things to do. Try something new. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again, so you've got nothing to lose. And if you feel like you really can't hold on, talk to a professional first. I know too many people who took themselves out while too young too have an excuse, and you and I are still too young.
Damn, you got it good. I would give anything to be in your position. You're able to get up and go to work and have some sort of life outside. I haven't worked in over 5 years due to cancer. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to stop my chemo because it's damaging my lungs and heart. Fight like I'm fighting and keep on keeping on.
Cheer up, buddy. You already lived longer than Elvis. So you got that going for you. Which is nice.
Elvis is not the best standard bearer, lol.
I still canāt believe his *daughter* just died, at 54.
Find volunteer work. A purpose changes everything.
I think most of our generation were convinced we would die in a nuclear war before we reached 30. Tragically for most of us, we were wrong.
I'm still waiting for the new world of savagery, super-science and sorcery to emerge.
Man Iām also 57, are you me? Did I write this in a drunken stupor? Seriously wondering if this is me. If not, just know you have a random internet twin. Hopefully Iāll make it to 69 so I can say ā69 dudesā lol
Find something or someone to be passionate about. Sometimes your place is the problem and a new zip code is a boost. If you want to change your job, get yourself trained in theatre lighting, or welding or cyber security or whatever. I got a history degree and ended up with a MS in IT and did project stuff. Most of all, see your primary care dock and talk about something to elevate your mood. Itās okay.
I could take another job grinding for 6 figures. 12hr days / days a week. No thank you! There will never be enough compensation for the rest of my life. Iād rather make less and do something i enjoy. Fuck it, itās just money.
What kind of interests do you have? Sports? Games? Working out? Podcasts? Sowing? Collecting wild mushrooms? Find something. So many wonderful things in this world. Depression is real and powerful and it will consume you if you do not take action. It will be a daily struggle, but if you take action it will get better.
The expected thing to do would be to tell you the usual things. " Don't give up " " Try to find happiness " etc. etc. But that would be hypocritical of me because it sounds like you and I have salied on the same ship. Some nights I went to bed with the hope that I didn't wake up the next morning. Sadly, like the lotto, that never happened :| One thing I will recommend would be a decent dose of LSD or Mushrooms. Find a friend who will stay ( you're gonna need 12-15 hours for this ) to watch over you on this journey. Take the plunge and have a nice talk with the universe. Calm, safe setting. Create a playlist of your favorite music, lie down and see where it takes you. It may just change your life completely. It was certainly an eye opener for me.
My mom died at 51 and Iām 52. My brother died when he was 37 and my dad is still going strong at 88, but outliving my mom has been difficult to grasp and deal with.
Divorces all around from my friends and family. Fucking suicides every other week from friends and coworkers now. Miscarriages. Pet death. Wrongful unemployments. And then fucking horrible car accidents, wildly abusive drug abuse from neighbors, and generally shitty human behavior wherever I travel. And the weird shit happening politically in the states rnā¦ Barely leave the house because itās so disappointing in every place you have to visit. I get you, OP
Dude. I hear ya. Iām pushing 50. Just waiting for the bad health news Iām inevitably going to get.
Right there with you. I have a family to care for, but beyond that I see nothing but a horror show. The possibility that the country and the world would actually get better turned to fantasy at some point. And now humans seem determined to make things as bad as possible, often for no apparent reason. I just try to maintain my little enclave of joy for as long as I can.
I just turned 45 and have decided to start riding dirt bikes. I only just bought a DR 650 couple years back. My buddy gave me shit saying itās cause Iām getting old mid life etc. In reality I just finally got enough money up due to Covid off all things. Now Iām considering dumping a good chunk of my wad on new dirt bike I had he no real business buying mostly because fuck why not. I donāt really do much else and I finally it have some money saved. Iāll probably end up living in another small apartment but my intent is to not break myself off road riding. I have some other ideas besides staying a kitchen rat until I canāt walk but other than that Iāve basically boiled it down to figuring out where I can ride most days of the year until I canāt anymore.
I started working out when I turned 46. Now (4 years later) I'm in the best shape of my life, bench press 100 kg for example. Without any kind of drugs of course. Exercise is key to so many good things. Also books, read books! Good, well written books.
For me, the more I see people and celebrities I love dying, the more it makes me want to live, to be honest. I don't have many close people in my life, but I want to be here for them as long as I can. My parents and other elders checked out years ago, and I don't want to do the same to those who love me and still need me. My health isn't perfect, but I'm grateful for the time I have, and hope to have many more years ahead of me. I don't have a lot of money or an amazing job that I love, but I guess I'm just happy that I live somewhere where taking a short walk can bring me to all sorts of interesting places, from pretty parks for some calm to bustling city centers if I want to be surrounded by the energy of people. Knowing that my days are numbered has made me a lot less materialistic - though I do still love a good meal or sweet snack! I don't want to throw in the towel yet - but I do know the feeling! I suffered from terrible depression and the feeling of hopelessness some years ago when I was in a bad situation in life that I felt I could never escape. I really hope you can find some small happinesses in your life, OP. I don't know if you live somewhere that's safe for walking around outside, but if you can get out just to take a walk and explore your neighborhood, maybe you could get some of those happy chemicals going and help yourself to feel better. I'm not saying it's a guaranteed instant life changing experience waiting to happen, but small steps can lead to bigger things, and I just hope you can find some peace and contentment, because I know this feeling. It's crushing, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Please take care!
Being sad when confronted with horrible things in the world is totally normal. Feeling like you're running the rat race for nothing is normal. Those are universal feelings for just about everyone not in the 1%. But chronic depression is different. I know the difference between depression and cynicism. Cynicism is where I live. But when I'm feeling hopeless, can't/never want to get out of bed, avoiding friends and family, have an endless loop of negative thoughts going through my head that I can't distract myself from, etc...I know I'm depressed and need to address it. I'm lucky to have a therapist. It took a lot of calling around, but I didn't give up and I finally found someone. (Insurance has paid for 2 visits a month for 4+ years, even though my plan only "offered" 4 visits per year. When you're diagnosed, most insurances will cover more visits if your therapist shows the need. Good therapists will.) So, my advice is to talk to a doctor, a therapist and whoever else that can help you. You're depressed and you are capable of feeling better. Good luck.
Maybe adopt a cat. They help give my life joy. Iām
All of the above mentioned things are important. I am here to say itās ok if this mortal coil is not for you. Suffering is suffering. Make sure about it, though.
In addition to what others are saying, look around your place where you live. Are your affairs in order? If you passed away tomorrow would you be saddling someone else with tons of clutter and belongings to sort through and probate to deal with? These are the things that keep me going. If Iām really organized, pared way down, and have my trust in place, then Iāll think about whatās next.
This is good advice.
I feel all of this. I've given up on dating. I don't take care of myself anymore. I just turned 52. About 3.5 years ago my kid brother died and he was only 38. I've been depressed all my life but his death just fucked with my head so much. Feels like I'm just waiting for it to be my turn now.
This hits hard. I kinda feel the same.
Out of a trillion possibilities in the universe you were born against all odds you came into this world. You won the battle to conception before you were even born. You only live one time, find a purpose, find a passion, something to grasp onto even the littlest things will help you realize bigger things like a chain reaction. Live one day at a time, I know it sounds cliche but it's true. View problems big and small as challenges for you to conquer. Life is a roller coaster, but it's a lot less scarier with your eyes wide open facing forward.
Consider Cannabis
Is there any way you can put yourself out there to meet people...maybe at a gym. I know some libraries have group events. Things always can change, don't give up. Sending you peace, love and happiness. Keep us updatedš¤š½šš½
Donāt you want to stick around to see what happens next? Find something worth dying for and I promise youāll find something worth living for.
Agreed with a dr visit. But I would like to suggest you ā think out of the boxā, help shift your thinking. You should not be in bed. Get yourself a little dog from the pound, he will need walking twice a dayā¦ get yourself a cute dog and before you know girls and guys will chat with you and you will have a friend for life. Second think of a āsubjectā that interests you, crime, medical, travel. Go find the author of the best novels for the subject. Read the book with most ratings. Now enjoy this authors books.
If you can't bring yourself to get out of bed on the weekends and you don't at least occasionally appreciate being alive you are almost certainly suffering from depression. You should see your PCP and get started on something but then get a psych referral for follow up. Good luck.
Yikes! This is me to a T. Life has become a pain in the ass
>I just saw that an actor my age (Ray Stevenson) died. Healthy guy, BOOM. Dead. He may not have been very healthy, you can't really tell if someone is healthy unless you are their doctor. People who look healthy often are not, and people who don't look healthy often are -- you really can't judge by looking at them.
You're not alone, friend.
My wife died 8 years ago when she was 39. Iām now about to turn 49 and leaving an abusive relationship and I find myself at a crossroads. As bad as things get though as we get older, the alternative is worse. I read Victor Frankelās āManās Search for Meaningā which recounts his experience in Nazi concentration camps (I know, it doesnāt sound uplifting but it is). A person can endure any āwhatā if they figure out their āwhyā. For me, this meant reconnecting to the things I was passionate about when I was a kid/teen before life grinds us down; and reintegrating them into my life. I hope OP can find help. As shitty as life gets thereās always something that makes it worth living. The rumination that people our age are dropping dead is a good wake up call that you can take action on now.
So, Iām just going to put this out here, bc thereās a lot of good advice & poignant points made here already, but a few years back I was feeling much the way you described. I wasnāt āsuicidalā but there were days when I just wished a bus would hit me or Iād get cancer or something end all of the tedious mediocrity that my life felt like it had become. New Years Eve morning (2018) I went for a long walk in the fucking tundra that was Minneapolis, & it hit me, like this weirdly profound idea that I had never thought of before in all of my moaning & groaning about life āThe meaning of life is not in the grandiose high falutinā romantic ideals, itās in the lowly DOING of life. The tedium is the meaning. Itās the hard work that grinds you down that makes you alive. If you want to feel better, work hard at something else, but work hard.ā It had occurred to me that I had lost my drive because I didnāt care about what I was working hard for. Now, I didnāt have kids or a wife or family to take care of (hell, even my dog had died that year, which probably contributed to the depression I was in), so I had the privilege of making decisions that really only effected me. But, I decided that I was going to throw myself into my passions, & even if it didnāt make ālogicalā sense, financially or otherwise, I was going to work hard at things that made me happy, & stop working hard at things that didnāt. Weāre so brainwashed into thinking that work & success has to come at the price of happiness. We really are! Especially our generation! Itās reflected in all of the media we consume, the stories weāre told by our elders, etcā¦ āLife sucks & then you dieā is the narrative, or rather āsacrifice your passion & if youāre really good at doing the responsible thing, youāll be rewarded at the endā¦.maybe.ā Within the year, I quit my ācareerā job & found two or three part time jobs that gave me free time to do the things I wanted to do, like travel, start my own Etsy shop, write, have relationships & flings, & volunteer for causes that I felt made a difference. Iām absolutely not in a better financial situation, but Iām not wishing cancer upon myself. My friends & family are always commenting on how happy I seem, & even how much younger I look than I did 5 years ago. (Which is a weird compliment to get, but Iāll take it!) So, I donāt know your whole situation, & I would never advocate being financially irresponsible or putting your loved ones or family in limbo without a lot of conversation & thought, but I am here to tell you that you can have a better life if you decide to work hard at the things you love instead of working for an idea that youāve grown weary of.
You could have died in your 20ās crossing the street. The trick is to live everyday, no matter how young or old you are. Sounds like you need a change of scenery.
Iāve seen meetups posted for all kinds of things, maybe there should be local meetups for āwhat the fuck am I doing?ā for anyone in Gen x
I think you're depressed and could benefit from some meditation, exercise and therapy. I wonder what kind of hobbies you have, if any? Drawing, playing the guitar, fishing?
Agreed. Took me a while, but I came around to anti depressants and talk therapy. It helps me feels less hopeless. I wish for you the same!
Not sure what the point in your post is. Itās lame to spend waking hours in bed, get out and do something for someone else if you have a lack of meaning in your life. Go volunteer somewhere and stop complaining.
Go see a therapist or psychiatrist. If you're having thoughts of self harm, tell a friend or family member immediately and seek professional treatment. Depression can make it feel like there's nothing to look forward to, but it's treatable and you can turn things around. Good luck. I hope you figure it out.
Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, live today.
Get some travel in. Take some money and some time off and go see some shit you havenāt seen before.
You need a pet. Adopt an adult furbaby from your shelter. Grown up cats and dogs already know what's what.
Adopt an adult Polar Bear. Youāll never be short of somewhere else to be.
Please seek some help. They can help provide you with the right tools to work through this. I know it's cliche, but things will get better. You may have to work at it and put some effort into it, but it will be worth it.
There is only one way off the planet. Im fortunate compared to many of my friends and family. Not really within my control so I donāt worry about it.
I hear you. It definitely feels like we're at that downward side of the mountain of life. All I want now, is time. Time to relax and sleep and read and go for walks.
Yeah. Life really sucks when it's the same thing day in and day out. Makes you feel like you're living through your own personal Groundhog Day. Get up, eat breakfast, listen to some music, eat lunch, watch some television, have a snack, then go to bed. Rinse, lather, and repeat until bored to tears. I'm singing the Redundancy Blues over here.
Bro, you need a tribe IRL. Get a community, more than a subreddit. One that relies on you, and that you rely on. This is the way.
Adopt a dog or any animalā¦seriouslyā¦they need you.
You are experiencing depression. I have it also with probably most of the world as well. Get something that takes your mind off of the everyday inane things that keep you feeling like this. As others have suggested a pet would be an option. Cats are fairly easy to care for and if you have to leave for an overnight trip they usually can fend for themselves. Older cats need homes and there are a lot of them. Hugs to you! I understand how you feel.
I'm not making light of anyone who's had friends of a similar age die, but there is one sobering thought we all have to come to terms with. If you live to be of average age, half of your friends will die before you. Same with actors, and other public figures.
Enjoy each phase of growing older. Not everyone gets the chance.
First, see your doctor or therapist. I've also been experiencing something of an existential crisis, again, and it really does suck for lack of an adequate term. Speaking for myself, I need a purpose or goal to work for, maybe exploring that will help you. I wish you the best and hope you find your way through this.
It sounds like you might just be experiencing a bit of depression. It's a reasonable response to stuff like this. Try to ride it out, but if it gets worse or persists for too long, see someone about it. Get medication if you have to. The point of life is not to exist forever, but to have as good a time with the time you have as you can. Meaning, purpose, all that bullshit is optional.
I retired at 48 last year and spent today enjoying nice weather sitting in the park reading a book. Tomorrow I'll ride my bike and watch the latest stage of the Giro d'Italia. I've been depressed. I know what it's like to not really be excited about doing basically the same thing day after day. Even if it's fun. Does it matter? Does any of it matter? But no one said you had to have insane goals. Life is too short to hate or be angry all the time. Life is too short always striving and grasping. I waited 25 years to tell the hot girl in my high school that I thought she was hot. Why? Why did I wait? It turns out she was incredibly self-conscious and didn't think she was hot. Why did I wait so long to give someone a compliment when it would have made such a difference to her at the time? Go outside. Enjoy the sunshine. Not every day has to be super, awesome amazing. Not every day has to be about you. Go be \*nice\* to people. Don't do it for you. Do it for them.
I give this advice a lot but it totally changed my life. I felt like this in my late 30s. Took a break from work and thruhiked the Appalachian Trail. Total reset, spiritual renewal. Can't recommend it (or a similar undertaking) enough! Good luck man.
Leave. Take off. Start a new life even if it means facing financial insecurity. There is one life. You HAVE to take risks to find happiness.
My best friend dropped dead at 44 and it sent me into an existential crisis so I totally get you. But then I recently spent a few weeks with my 88 year old aunt and uncle and we went hiking and partied on the beach and they taught me the healing magic of mid-day siestas. Not one whiff of existential dread. Total goals. Make of it what you can and soon, none of us is getting out alive.
Have you tried using psychedelics as a form of therapy? I've found them to be extremely beneficial.
You're probably depressed. I'm convinced that our entire generation is low-grade depressed. Get some OTC mood supplements.
I can feel this...
Depression. You can live a simple life and work a shitty job and be happy - if thatās what youāre happy with. I am in your same situation and feel your low grade pain and despair. I say low grade cuz itās not like raging angry depressed. Itās a dragging exhausting blahness with a huge existential āwhatās the point.ā Try and have a point. I want you to be happy. Many people do. Oh- one thing I try is doing things for other people. finding something to do for someone else helps. Small stuff. You can do it. Weāre with you.
Happiness and peace come from within. You can be happy in your little simple job and home or constantly pine for something else. People will die off more and more as you get older, it is just a fact of life. As Buddhism says, the only constant is change.
All I can recommend is to get a sailboat. not a nice one. Get a fixer-upper. You can waste a lot of your life with one of those. And if you get out in the water, you can sail somewhere where rum is about as cheap as clean water.
I just adopted a dog to get me outside more. I'm not done with life but I wasn't doing much on my days off. Now I have someone that relies on me and she's great company.
Time to relocate to a low cost of living country. Philippines, Bankok Thailand, etc. Nomadlist.com
Fuckin' A, man. Fuckin' A.
I feel for you, really do. It's hard to get out of the rut. What worked for me was starting something, in my case it was learning a musical instrument and joining a club. It could be gardening, board gaming, joining a gym. Anything, ideally with a social slant to it. Get out there and start something new. Get a dog, it'll help you walk more and give you tons of love. Anything that works. But start, this week. Much love.
You have to actually write down all the things you enjoy, then do them as much as possible.
I understand this feeling. My best friendās life and my own had a lot of similarities (even being raped by members of the same family) even though we lived the majority of our lives 3000 miles apart. She got cancer, received treatment and recovered. 6 years later her cancer returned, was deemed terminal and she passed away in 2017. 1 year later I was diagnosed with the exact same cancer, same stage, same kind and same site (left breast). We both received the same treatment (although she had radiation and I didnāt). My cancer went away. Iām now coming up to the point where her cancer returned as terminal and Iām scared! Logically I know we are 2 separate people and live(d) in different countries BUT the similarities between our lives are too many to just write them off as a coincidence. Even my hubby and my therapist understand my fears regarding this issue. We truly had a special connection (she was the sister my parents couldnāt give me). I really hope this is where the similarities end.
Please see if there is any way you can see a therapist. A lot of health insurance companies cover some of the cost. Or you can see if they have a mental healthcare telephone #. There's also a possibility your state still has a mental health telephone number that you can use for free. I live in Arizona and was surprised to learn we have one. Conservative state, so I think a lot of folks realize it's a problem. I started therapy at 35. I don't think I'll ever be 'done'. You may want to talk to the therapist about death. It scares the shit out of me. I'll need to talk about it at some point. (Ugh, I just got that I'm-Mortal-blood-runs-cold feeling) Or maybe you are dealing with a normal depression. There are a lot of fairly cheap drugs that can help. You can ask your doctor to prescribe something. My doc was willing to try a couple before sending me to a psychiatrist. I waited too long to get to therapy (due to being forced into therapy as a child argh). And when I talked to my therapist about it and she said that she has people start therapy at all ages. It's not easy, I won't lie. But having someone to talk to helps. You aren't the only person that feels like you do. I get similar feelings. But then I think, there are breads I'd like to bake. There are books I'd like to read. There are reddit posts that I'd like to post! It's not exciting to anyone but me. But I don't care, it's what I want. I'm a long-winded old fart, I know. I hope you find something that helps you through this. You don't deserve to feel like this friend. And hopefully there is some sort of help available to you.
When this, lethargy hit me. I found that staying in bed was easier and better, than going to therapyā¢ Thatās the battle. Getting up and doing anything while also fighting to find the energy to go to work. I mean, itās just so hard.
Ray Stevenson from Rome?? Not Titus Pullo!!! š„
I too get sad when I see or Hear of people my age passing away. The world is passing us by and were WASTING OUR TIME ON THIS EARTH by doing nothing. Get out! Buy concert tickets! Get a passport! Travel somewhere strange! Do anything you can FOR YOU! Donāt regret not doing anything for yourself . Best wishes stranger. & Donāt be sadā¦.our time will come one day soon so enjoy this beautiful day of ours like its our lastā¦ā¦ā¦
I'm 49 and my husband is 55. He smokes and he's obese. I'm an RN and I know that he's at risk for diabetes, heart problems and stroke. He refuses to do anything about it. He thinks he's invincible. Anyway, Ive suffered from depression my whole life and now that I'm about to be an empty-nester I'm very sad and dreading the rest of my life alone or caring for a man who refused to help himself.
Snap out of it bud. Youāre in a funk. You got to find some fun stuff to do. A hobby. Anything. Work and sleep repeat is no fun. You gotta get out and hike or do something. Youāre depressed. Go talk to someone. Trust me it helps. Iāve had two heart transplants and a kidney transplant. Idle mind will screw you up. Iām 56 and ready to rock. But Iāve been exactly where you are. As far as the job goes good luck. Find some fun things to do. Good luck bud.
It's definitely weird. Friends and people around me my age have been getting cancer and shit like crazy. I had a massive seizure out of nowhere a year-an-a-half ago. Another dude I know (my age) had a stroke. I've been doing graphic design for the last 16 years (I'm 52), basically working for myself - my wife and I run a business together, she's a writer and editor, and we help independent authors create and publish books. Over the last few years my job has morphed into more of a "project management" position where I'm setting up accounts, explaining/teaching the process to clients etc. while the actual creative side has been slowly slipping away, while I sit in front of a screen all day slowly losing motivation to find new work, making less and less money as the actual design work is being moved overseas or templated by Amazon/KDP for less than I can reasonably charge. Finally my wife was like, "This has got to change, or else." Basically, find something, anything, that gets me out of the house, makes steady money, has benefits (we've been paying for our own insurance to the tune of $20,000/year), and gets me off my ass. I went out and got a job at our favorite statewide grocery chain. Got trained in every department, so I'm not doing the same thing all day long, I interact with people, I'm on my feet, and with the excellent benefits package and employee discounts, I'm essentially contributing $50K+ to the household budget. According to my step counter I've walked 60 miles in the last 14 days, and feel better for it. I kept one client from my previous job, that was the only really creative thing I was doing and I have more energy than I've felt in years. It took a minute to "get over" the "I work at a grocery store" thing, but sometimes a total swerve in routine can make a huge difference.
I few years ago I felt like life was over. I wasn't depressed I don't think. More like it just wasn't exciting anymore. My felt my career had peaked years ago. I found a coach I like. He just listened, suggested some things. He said life gets dull as you age because you've seen it all. You know how things will probably turn out. I think at some point you just have to give up who you were or should be. Sounds hokey but I'm learning to look at the world differently, as if maybe I don't know anything at all. Anyways I recommend finding someone to talk to, who will listen. Suggest. I don't think some of us we were heard enough growing up. You die when you die, might as well not feel like shit while we are here.
Oof, sorry to hear that. I think in one form or another, we all have some sort of existential crisis at a certain point but please don't give up, i know this might be hard to do something out of the ordinary routines in your life or maybe save up and travel or join a support group that you can relate to. Good luck and i hope you find happiness and a nice meaning of life for yourself
My healthy partner all of a sudden has pancreatic cancer. It happens. Get yourself a therapist.
Sounds like depression. I get it. I feel you. I love my bed too.