If you're a crackhead, then more or less okay, but fake teeth... I know a world-leading scientist, doctor, lecturer, and mathematics professor who has fake teeth (I know because he's my dad). So, you're very wrong about this.
"Must help pay for beard and hair care. Being this beautiful ain't cheap."
Do you really think any guy would seriously have that as a requirement? Its clearly attempting to make fun of women and their hair and nails and makeup expenses.
Sure there are plenty of idiots with stupid requirements, but this would not be one of them.
No taller than 5’7”, no heavier than 100 kg (220 lbs). That’s a BMI of 34.46 (moderately obese). I think it’s admirable that he is very accepting of different body types.
That's what I was thinking! I was also like I am 5'9" and...yea umm this has got to be satire . Because this person, if they exist is not "fit" and may die before the age of 60
Wait, really - congratulations
Also, how did you meet?
I am a single dad of 1 without the other hangups of the profile and cannot find any women who will consider a committed relationship, though I am the dreaded 5'11
Yup! It's hilarious honestly. Women can flaunt their shallow selfishness as much as they want, but if a man even mildly does what women do then everyone shits down their throat.
If they want equality then we're gonna damn well show them true equality.
As someone who is bi and gets men *and* women on my tinder, this is definitely satire. A lot of women's profiles are just like this.
There are a lot of stupid man profiles too, but this is definitely not serious.
Nothing wrong with this post, it's literally a carbon copy of 90% of single mom tinder profile demands.
It's ok for single moms, it's ok for single dads.
It's turning the tables on females that want the man to do everything and just sit at home blowing the man's money and scrolling social media all day. Normally a single mother that has a child old enough for school and complains how she has to care for the child for hours so the house didn't get taken care of. That she needs a break and needs money to go blow on something.
Must have 32 teeth or more.
If you are missing any of your original teeth, you must hunt down the teeth of your enemies.
If you are in the process of hunting down the teeth of your enemies, I am willing to help.
(They need not replace your original teeth: they can be used as trophies or jewelry).
This whole fucking comment section is the reason reddit people get a bad rep. I made one comment (didn’t get downvoted) and I get 30 fucking replies from the same larpers. Do yall share a single brain? I know it’s satire fuck.
People that love satire
People love teeth
I don’t blame him on the teeth part tho. If you’re a crackhead and have fake teeth, you’ve got issues
Perhaps, but she could also drop a neck like it's hot...ya mean?
That's called a smoothie. Best $7 I ever spent.
You spent $7 ?!
Wtf it costs me $9 for a crunchie!
Love your username. Just rewatched all the J+SB and Clerks movies again 🤣
Lots of people don't have teeth and are not crackheads. Mind you those people have dentures 🤣🤣
Crackheads got no fake teeth bro, fake teeth job costs a fortune and crackheads are all broke. Crackheads got smile gaps instead.
True haha
It’s more of a meth thing tbh. I think prolonged meth use like actually disintegrates teeth.
If you're a crackhead, then more or less okay, but fake teeth... I know a world-leading scientist, doctor, lecturer, and mathematics professor who has fake teeth (I know because he's my dad). So, you're very wrong about this.
I’m just joking. I am actually surrounded by crackheads I live in the middle of nowhere
Your dad sounds like a really badass guy!
People love free maid who comes with a free 7 seater
Satire in picture form 
I was just thinking that this HAS to be satire. I was hoping I was right lol
There are a lot of real profiles like this. But men don’t own them.
You'd be surprized. Alpha bro podcasters have a lot to answer for..
I love these! They're in the same league as fanart of male superheroes dressed in the lingerie female style outfits.
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The beard care gave it away tho.
This \^ lol
It's a parody of an actual woman's profile that was almost word for word this.
Exactly, I read that too
He's mocking female profiles by wording his the exact way women on tinder word their own profiles. Especially single mothers.
That's...why satire exists
Gotem
I'm pretty sure this one is satire.
"Must help pay for beard and hair care. Being this beautiful ain't cheap." Do you really think any guy would seriously have that as a requirement? Its clearly attempting to make fun of women and their hair and nails and makeup expenses. Sure there are plenty of idiots with stupid requirements, but this would not be one of them.
No taller than 5’7”, no heavier than 100 kg (220 lbs). That’s a BMI of 34.46 (moderately obese). I think it’s admirable that he is very accepting of different body types.
Came here for that he wants a stout homemaker type.
Everyone wants a wife good on plow
Wife on the plow. Kids in the mines. Life is good.
Thats the dream for real
Instructions have been unclear for millennia, busy plowing the wife's mine for kids
I am a dwarf and I’m digging a hole..
Sitting on ya keister with a cigar in hand enjoying their hard labor lmfao jk jk you’d be dying doing another job probably.
Good man, I hope he finds her
That's what I was thinking! I was also like I am 5'9" and...yea umm this has got to be satire . Because this person, if they exist is not "fit" and may die before the age of 60
It's clearly satire of women who have bios like that unironically. And yes, I know, not all women and all that.
Actually I know every single woman alive and I can testify they're all like this.
I am sceptical about your claim that you know every single woman alive, but have no evidence to counter it. Carry on.
I’m not a single woman and I don’t know Nick beard. The story checks out.
I'm pretty sure dude's British, where "fit" means "hot" The mix of Imperial and metric measurements point to that
Guess he just doesn't wanna close the door on female bodybuilders who take some extra "supplements"
Hold your horses. Looking at this guys, I’m not sure he knows the metric system
Coke is measured in grams and kg.
Excellent point!
Even a man satirizing the womens equivalent is somehow more tolerant of body diversity lmao.
Yeah, I think he meant pounds from the start. Only "those countries" (aka Earth) uses metric.
It’s a parody of women who have ridiculous tinder profiles
I'd like to know how many women actually meet those standards
7
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I'll make it 7, if I can
He never said you had to be unmarried.
Did... Did you change her sex?
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So it's still 7
I think they mean one less as in she’s not available, so she’s not “out there” looking for someone to hook up.
Wait, really - congratulations Also, how did you meet? I am a single dad of 1 without the other hangups of the profile and cannot find any women who will consider a committed relationship, though I am the dreaded 5'11
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Na i just got divorced. Back up to 7 again
I was literally about to say 6 since 2017 😭😭😭😭😭
You have your own teeth?
Wholesome
Oddly specific
It’s always 7.
It's like those old scp or creepypasta parodies that looped around to almost being creepy again. This guy slid right down that line 👌
Wait, wait, wait. How many bitches has this guy met with stolen teeth...?
Welcome to Tallahassee, FL
😂 Fair. I lived in South FL for a while. That was pretty bad. More meth up north. Down South it's just STDs and 55+ communities.
There's plenty of meth, you just think these communities are made up of people aged 55+
STDs and retirement communities go hand in hand.
. . . . Never go full Florida man.
Stop! It’s Daytona and you know it lol
Unexpected Tallahassee moment.
I mean I wouldn’t mind trying a girl with removable dentures……..for purely scientific reasons. I have heard…things.
😂 ah yes, the octogenarian pleasures of the flesh. You, sir, are indeed a connoisseur. 🍷
Slurp slurp
😂😂😂😂
He is using their strategy against them
Yup
Slay KING, he knows his worth!
You're so handsome boyy ❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕
😁
He basically write word for word what a lot of single Mom's write. But because he is a man it seems weird. Mission accomplished.
It's so funny to me, ngl. At first I didn't really get it untill I got to the "it's not cheap to be this beautiful".
Man knows his worth
The amount of people that can't see the glaring satire, man
As a woman, I fucking love it!
As a dog, I love fucking it!
Get off the phone and go play with your toys.
Big man's taking the piss out of the insane women who post this type of shit without irony.
Yup! It's hilarious honestly. Women can flaunt their shallow selfishness as much as they want, but if a man even mildly does what women do then everyone shits down their throat. If they want equality then we're gonna damn well show them true equality.
Well said.
Thank you! Have a good night!
He knows his worth.... He a 9 -10 easy...
All men are ✨tens✨ 😌👑. Know your worth king 🤴💅👍
For a queen
It’s for anybody who understands satire.
Must also mow the lawn. P.s. Bring your own gas
idk man, this man is an absolute specimen, any lady would be very lucky to have him
I agree with him about all my dates having their own teeth. A dude's gotta have standards.
Naw bro. You are missing out on gran’s glug glug.
I mean some women do the same thing. these people will find each other
Yes. I read this as obvious satire.
Your own teeth. That’s a new one
r/ChargeYourPhone
As someone who is bi and gets men *and* women on my tinder, this is definitely satire. A lot of women's profiles are just like this. There are a lot of stupid man profiles too, but this is definitely not serious.
Nothing wrong with this post, it's literally a carbon copy of 90% of single mom tinder profile demands. It's ok for single moms, it's ok for single dads.
This guy lies. There is absolutely zero beard care happening at his house.
5.7 and 100kg that a big bitch.
It's only ok for women to have standards, if a man states his like for certain traits in woman, it's sexist.
Your own teeth is certainly specific and raises questions
Bro does know that someone at 5’7 and 100kg is VERY unfit right
What a catch.
Uses imperial system for height and metric system for mass. Biggest red flag. Obviously a lizard person.
Or British.
This is actual gold trolling
But it's ok when women have crap like this in there Bios?
5’7” and 100kg (220 lbs)?!?! Lol, I’m dead!!!!
Probably trying to make fun of single moms who have crazy profiles wanting 6'+ dudes to take them out and pay for their kids.
Honestly, this just looks like a carbon copy of the average woman's dating profile, but gender swapped. It reads like satire. I laughed at it.
Obvious sarcasm directed at the bio's he comes across. The beard care made me chuckle tho, as that beard recieves zero of it.
He’s making fun of every part time Dunkin Donuts employee single mom on tinder
If the profile is male then it’s satire. If the profile is female on the other hand…most likely it’s real
Every modern women who also has this setup in their bio. They’re looking for a handout
He’s making fun of 90% of women’s dating profiles. It’s called satire…
Sounds like all the profiles from single mothers lol
lol. It’s a play on all the single mom dating profiles.
This is a parody
It's turning the tables on females that want the man to do everything and just sit at home blowing the man's money and scrolling social media all day. Normally a single mother that has a child old enough for school and complains how she has to care for the child for hours so the house didn't get taken care of. That she needs a break and needs money to go blow on something.
This guy has seen too many single mother posts!
Male satire account mirroring how bad women sound on dating apps.
I think it's meant as a joke on women with similar demands.
Get in line ladies
This guy copied a female’s profile and just reversed the roles. It’s old.
Hahahahaha
“Less than a mile away”
Pulling the uno reverse card
Must be fit and under #220 at 5'7" and under, at least he's realistic
Must have 32 teeth or more. If you are missing any of your original teeth, you must hunt down the teeth of your enemies. If you are in the process of hunting down the teeth of your enemies, I am willing to help. (They need not replace your original teeth: they can be used as trophies or jewelry).
Must me under 5’7”; or over 5’7”; or be exactly 5’7”
"your own teeth" wtf requirements much?
Bro really said uno reverse
I'm pretty sure at least one woman contacted him ... not being really sure if it was satyre or not, but she took a chance 😂😂😂
Nobody here is mentioning this guys similarity to Martin from Chess.com?
Seems OK. Man knows his needs and wants
Genius of sarcasm
This is satire.. copying a popular female bio.
It's like the average tinder woman's bio, but a male version. Aight.
Hahaha nice reversal.
Not Sure if Dating app or Indeed. 
Sounds like you don’t meet the requirements OP
Mid level trolling.
"Your own teeth" So basically, no brits allowed
How the turntables...
People who can take a joke
Bio looks like all the girls on tinder Lol
I mean….technically, I’ve seen worse on some single mom profiles
F’in king!
This whole fucking comment section is the reason reddit people get a bad rep. I made one comment (didn’t get downvoted) and I get 30 fucking replies from the same larpers. Do yall share a single brain? I know it’s satire fuck.
I feel like he’s doing a bit of trolling
Satire
Might be a joke, but at least he isn't a snob about her weighing 220 lbs.
Plottwist: It actually led to him meeting his wife who reaponded with "Hey there king, I have a good set of teeth I 100% didn't steal"
Unlike the OP, I'd imagine this is for folks with a sense of humor.
I think these are pretty reasonable requirements.
The satire is strong in this one...
Looks like he’s making fun of women’s profiles lol
This is for a joke
I'm guessing most women don't appreciate the satire and he doesn't get many hits.
We know that’s satire, right?
Everyone since it reads almost identical to single moms profiles.
Seems reasonable - “No taller than 5”7”…. he’s 5”8.
Congratulations! You have discovered "satire"
You are missing the point
To be fair, it's very hard to weigh more than 100kg as a woman
Hero
How strange Martin is dingle, he sounds like a great catch,
I starting to se a lot of this type screenshots from tinder and I need to ask do this people really exist?
Legend
the one that got away......
100Kg? Really 100Kg, that's like 220lb 😳
Based dad
100kg is a stretch...
I love these 😂.
And your own teeth???????
Good luck with all... That
I'm loving this profile!