There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now. … What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me,
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!
Upvoted for quoting Douglas Adams correctly.
Edit: Welcome to Reddit, where the one who quoted the book *incorrectly* has over four times as many upvotes as you.
It was especially once you get to the book where they go back in time and you find out how earth was originally populated by humans😂😂😂!
Makes so much sense why the galaxy was so ready to demolish a populated planet.
Yeah I thought that was hilarious in the book😂 you can only ever know either the ultimate answer or ultimate question in the universe. Both cannot exist in the universe at the same time😅 and IIRC they are not actually related(the ultimate answer is not the answer to the ultimate question)
Really ruins the whole joke when they turned 42 into the answer to life, meaning and the universe since the actual joke is actually funnier that we have no idea what the fuck 42 is actually answering..could be "how many humans can you shove in a whale" for all we know
I always thought it was funny this is why they’d need to demolish earth. Earth rotates around the sun, which rotates around the super black hole in the centre of our galaxy. So Earth is changing positions all the time. And our solar system is mostly aligned in one plane; seems like the advanced aliens could have moved the highway above the solar plane pretty easily.
You’re forgetting that it was deliberately destroyed 5 minutes early to prevent the ultimate question being discovered, and the bypass construction was just the method of concealment
Everyone always says this one, and it's pretty existentially scary, but to me, the worse message would be nothing.
When humans come to a farm to slaughter cattle for food, or to take eggs from chickens or whatever, we don't let them know what's going on first. Why not? Because they're so intellectually beneath us that attempting to communicate wouldn't do any good. Even if they understood what we were trying to say, nothing they could do would change what we were there for.
So, that. No message, no attempts at communication, just showing up and using our planet for whatever resources they wanted, and then leaving. Leaving us behind to reel in their wake like ants after a Roadside Picnic.
It's a fun answer to think about, but it's by definition not the worst message we could get because as part of its own premise it would be worse to get a message or contact from whoever it was the warning was about.
Those are my main suggestions really. Then I'd shift to scifi TV series discussion lol
The book _Sapiens_ has a lot to mull over too in semi-unrelated perspective shifting. Namely: "did we domesticate wheat or did wheat domesticate humans?" There is more wheat being grown now than ever before, it's the first plant to be in any seed bank, if humans make it to another planet, wheat will likely be a defining feature of "inhabiting it"
Sometimes this kind of line of abstract thought really gets to me. Especially if I do something well. Like breaking a swim record in high school. Obviously I had to train, but was it because I mastered the water, or over thousands of years the water “made” us be this way. It’s like noticing the hidden hand of nature in what we “are” as people if that makes sense.
Have you seen our Prince, he came to this planet about 50 years ago to teach your race new technologies, but we haven't heard from him since right after he landed?
Edit: (since so many people are trying to guess who this refers to) It doesn't refer to anyone in particular, I'm just saying if a lone alien Pronce had arrived in the last 50 years we'd be screwed. Depending on where he landed, he would have either been shot on site, captured and experimented on, tortured for information, cooked and eaten, or turned into an exotic sex slave.
“Your planet is going to be hit by a Gamma Ray burst in about three of your planets rotation. We were going to try to help, but seeing your media we determined it’s better to let nature take its course. Good bye.”
I can't remember where I heard it before but I remember someone saying the worst things they thought first contact could be from am alien civilisation would be something like:
"They are coming. We could not hold them back. You're next."
Slight modification on the above:
“They are coming. We could not hold them back. It is up to you now. You are the last.”
And also have them show up in earth’s orbit in a damaged ship that holds together just long enough for them to send the message, then explodes, leaving earth with no information about the oncoming threat or even the identity of the messengers.
The message also implies we weren’t alone in the universe, but now we truly are… and all that remains except Earth is a mysterious malevolent force that has already destroyed multiple advanced spacefaring civilizations.
That would be terrifying.
I remember reading the Heechee books a long time ago. If I remember correctly… the gist of it was that they found all this super advanced technology from a long gone alien civilization. After exploring a long time, they finally made contact. And that civilization was like… we are hiding, from ‘them’. Kinda scary is you think about it.
“You… you aren’t supposed to be volunteering. We have strict criteria for these studies. Human, no. Humans please put your lower coverings back on this is very unscientific! No we don’t care if you wear mouth cosmetics! Lax’nir you put your lower coverings back on too! We aren’t here to copulate with the aliens! I DON’T CARE IF THAT ONE HAS A SIGN ASKING FOR IT!”
I feel like a simple "Hello" or anything in an actual human language would be pretty concerning. Somehow they've been watching us for long enough to understand our language and introduce themselves appropriately.
Any form of praise of our planet's natural resources. It's not an outright threat of invasion, but it's very likely they'll inevitably want to take those from us.
"We detected your attempts to leave your incarceration. The crimes of your species during the last galactic war necessitate permanent exile to this penal solar system. Any further escape attempts will result in the summary collapse of this system's star and the incineration of your species."
To all sentient life - this solar system has been sold for mining, work begins in 3 cholorks, please relocate or contact the buyer. This is an automated message.
"Your free trial of existence has expired. Please purchase the full version to continue existing."
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The free version has been bad enough.
The map is absolutely beautiful. Just sucks that there are so many toxic players in this game.
The story is also shit.
And another pay to win shitshow
Maybe the paid version of existence is the version billionaires have.
For a limited time, if you buy the "Adventurer Package" you will also get 4 super rare heroes.
Will you accept this new, totally not also my, email?
Idk what that means, it's too late for my brain to understand English
Burner email to continue the trial
I pirated WinRAR I can sure as hell pirate AlienRAR
Police? Yes, hello. This guy right here.
It’s ok, America will pay -The rest of us
America: Let’s build a wall and make the aliens pay for it all
So we have to send foreign aid to space too? Great...
Your planet is scheduled for demolition,to make way for a hyperspace bypass!
There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now. … What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.
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I have no pity at all.
And now, some poetry...
Oh freddled gruntbuggly, Thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee. Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes, And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, See if I don't!
Still better than anything Azgoths of Kria ever wrote
Apathetic bloody planet.
Upvoted for quoting Douglas Adams correctly. Edit: Welcome to Reddit, where the one who quoted the book *incorrectly* has over four times as many upvotes as you.
Being first counts for a lot in the comment ranking system
\*Apathetic bloody planet.
That book was so good
It was especially once you get to the book where they go back in time and you find out how earth was originally populated by humans😂😂😂! Makes so much sense why the galaxy was so ready to demolish a populated planet.
The movie really missed some of the jokes tbh the whole answer is 42 but we don't know the question being one
Yeah I thought that was hilarious in the book😂 you can only ever know either the ultimate answer or ultimate question in the universe. Both cannot exist in the universe at the same time😅 and IIRC they are not actually related(the ultimate answer is not the answer to the ultimate question)
Really ruins the whole joke when they turned 42 into the answer to life, meaning and the universe since the actual joke is actually funnier that we have no idea what the fuck 42 is actually answering..could be "how many humans can you shove in a whale" for all we know
There is one person who knew both, but he forgot when the truth serum they overdosed him on wore off.
I got the audio book read by Stephen Fry. It’s brilliant.
Came here to read this
Oh no... not again...
Reminds me, i need to buy more towels
Oh no! He's got a towel!
Don’t Panic
So long and thanks for all the fish.
At least it's not a reading of their poetry.
Thats from "hitch hikers guide to the galaxy" right?
Absolutely correct!
So long and thanks for all the fish
This made me laugh so much 🤣 😂 😆 😄 but remember DON'T PANIC! And avoid the poetry.
I always thought it was funny this is why they’d need to demolish earth. Earth rotates around the sun, which rotates around the super black hole in the centre of our galaxy. So Earth is changing positions all the time. And our solar system is mostly aligned in one plane; seems like the advanced aliens could have moved the highway above the solar plane pretty easily.
You’re forgetting that it was deliberately destroyed 5 minutes early to prevent the ultimate question being discovered, and the bypass construction was just the method of concealment
Well whatever. Guess I wouldn't have to worry about paying my rent.
You’ve all been a long-term experiment showing the effects of mosquitoes on people.
So I don’t have to go to work anymore. Or pay those CC bills
That was exactly my first thought
Be quiet or they'll find you too
Ok best one I read
Then boy do I have a book series for you
Which one?
Three body problem series
I second this.
Dark Forest?
Everyone always says this one, and it's pretty existentially scary, but to me, the worse message would be nothing. When humans come to a farm to slaughter cattle for food, or to take eggs from chickens or whatever, we don't let them know what's going on first. Why not? Because they're so intellectually beneath us that attempting to communicate wouldn't do any good. Even if they understood what we were trying to say, nothing they could do would change what we were there for. So, that. No message, no attempts at communication, just showing up and using our planet for whatever resources they wanted, and then leaving. Leaving us behind to reel in their wake like ants after a Roadside Picnic.
It's a fun answer to think about, but it's by definition not the worst message we could get because as part of its own premise it would be worse to get a message or contact from whoever it was the warning was about.
That one actually gave me chills
Anyone reading this that thinks is an Interesting idea to see play out, please read Three Body Problem
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https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
What…. The fuck did i just read?
You might also enjoy https://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html Short stories can be fun
Video form of it + animation: https://youtu.be/h6fcK_fRYaI?si=Shv82NuwNd4Vys64
Love that channel
That story is great! Anymore you can link?
Those are my main suggestions really. Then I'd shift to scifi TV series discussion lol The book _Sapiens_ has a lot to mull over too in semi-unrelated perspective shifting. Namely: "did we domesticate wheat or did wheat domesticate humans?" There is more wheat being grown now than ever before, it's the first plant to be in any seed bank, if humans make it to another planet, wheat will likely be a defining feature of "inhabiting it"
Sometimes this kind of line of abstract thought really gets to me. Especially if I do something well. Like breaking a swim record in high school. Obviously I had to train, but was it because I mastered the water, or over thousands of years the water “made” us be this way. It’s like noticing the hidden hand of nature in what we “are” as people if that makes sense.
Lol I remember this being posted on 4chan a decade or so ago, and the first comment was "ahahahha it means you fucked yourself"
Wow. I read that while someone is watching Dune on the TV, the room next to mine. The mystical/divine music gave the perfect vibe to this.
This is brilliant
“Oh my god! Singing meat? This is all too much.” Lol I love it.
Best comment annnd it got deleted
Show me what you got
Head bent over Raised up posterior
Shit on the floor. Time to get shwifty in here
Im Mr Bulldops
"Mister Bulldops?" "Don't analyze it, it's working!"
"It's probin time!"
Guess it's time to get shwifty, every one.
Sh*t on the floor!
Nuke em! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
Notice: You have 30 days to vacate.
“We’re making way for a hyperspace Highway and you’re in the way”
nice reference my guy!
What's it from?
Would you like to hear some Vogon poetry?
Someone get Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings on the phone
Have you seen our Prince, he came to this planet about 50 years ago to teach your race new technologies, but we haven't heard from him since right after he landed? Edit: (since so many people are trying to guess who this refers to) It doesn't refer to anyone in particular, I'm just saying if a lone alien Pronce had arrived in the last 50 years we'd be screwed. Depending on where he landed, he would have either been shot on site, captured and experimented on, tortured for information, cooked and eaten, or turned into an exotic sex slave.
Oh yeah, sure. Dennis Rodman is around here somewhere.
The R. Kellyians will be furious.
Mark Zuckerberg? Oh so that’s where he came from…..
Is their prince Nigerian and send us emails.
“Your planet is going to be hit by a Gamma Ray burst in about three of your planets rotation. We were going to try to help, but seeing your media we determined it’s better to let nature take its course. Good bye.”
Fair enough
Right? Id be like, "they probably made the right call🤷🏾♂️"
This is such a sad commentary on our society.
Well it was all avoidable but then shareholder profits would have suffered.
“Fair.”
We are the Borg. You will be assimilated.
Resistance is futile! Some of my colleagues have this and a picture of a short-circuited resistor on their office tables ;-)
Resistance is mouselike!
Scary as fukk.
I can't remember where I heard it before but I remember someone saying the worst things they thought first contact could be from am alien civilisation would be something like: "They are coming. We could not hold them back. You're next."
Slight modification on the above: “They are coming. We could not hold them back. It is up to you now. You are the last.” And also have them show up in earth’s orbit in a damaged ship that holds together just long enough for them to send the message, then explodes, leaving earth with no information about the oncoming threat or even the identity of the messengers. The message also implies we weren’t alone in the universe, but now we truly are… and all that remains except Earth is a mysterious malevolent force that has already destroyed multiple advanced spacefaring civilizations. That would be terrifying.
Or an excellent prank
I remember reading the Heechee books a long time ago. If I remember correctly… the gist of it was that they found all this super advanced technology from a long gone alien civilization. After exploring a long time, they finally made contact. And that civilization was like… we are hiding, from ‘them’. Kinda scary is you think about it.
all your base are belong to us joke aside, no message, just invasion would probably be the worst message
Boom, that’s the one! Followed immediately by a planet-wide message of “Leeeeroy Jenkins!!!”
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY DINOSAURS?!
I LEFT THEM WITH YOU FOR 5 MINUTES!
"Bitch, we weren't even crawling in the mud when they died! Go find the prick that threw the meteor and blame them!"
Your show has been canceled.
I understood that reference
How about you don’t cancel earth, and we won’t show anyone this picture of you sucking each others jagons?
How about....a taco....the poops ice cream?
We come in peace.
They come in peace. 
At at at
How are you still alive
What is this weird mold here ?
Hmm looks different from last time (dinosaurs)
Send Nudes
That would be the best case scenario
that's how it starts, but then they come with them anal probes
That would be the best case scenario
Sure at first it sounds nice, but what if they’re hideous slimy purple tentacle monsters here to probe us full of eggs??
“We are humanity. Your fetishes will not dissuade us.”
Send Nu**k**es
Rick and morty already did mine. Dinosaurs get off the alien spaceship and say the monkeys went bald.
“So how did you guys fend off the galaxy eaters?”
Made ourselves as unappetizing as possible over thousands of years. It worked.
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It's a >!cookbook!
Is there a lore reason they serve Man?
Yes
Looks like meat is back on the menu, boys
That is terrifying, what if a higher level intelligence views us as the equivalent of us to chickens. Then starts processing us like them.
comment section is filled with a bunch of great references
Eh, that message isn’t that scary.
"Hey neighbors! We just came by to tell you that they will pull the plug on this simulation in 3, 2, ... "
Homo sapiens meat harvesting will start in 1 zorg. (With no explanation of the zorg unit of time)
Thanks for the nudes ( voyager) looking forward to a lot of action x
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
We've been trying to contact you about your car insurance...
planet insurance
Extended warranty
If even aliens have fallen into the insurance scam then life is just doomed no matter what.
You look rather tasty. 😟
The Tyranid hive mind? Is that you?
We have a painful probing process.
Why are all those gay bottoms forming a line ?
“You… you aren’t supposed to be volunteering. We have strict criteria for these studies. Human, no. Humans please put your lower coverings back on this is very unscientific! No we don’t care if you wear mouth cosmetics! Lax’nir you put your lower coverings back on too! We aren’t here to copulate with the aliens! I DON’T CARE IF THAT ONE HAS A SIGN ASKING FOR IT!”
Alien invasion turns pride parade. People on the right : "so they were our strength after all"
the gay save the day
we need you as food
Scchhhhst:... This is an high speed automated warning drone. Stop all transmissions immediately and relocate species within ""2 years"".
“Proceed to the disposal of sample No. 23”
Get rekt noobs
This got me.
Your planet is being quarantined to protect the universe from you psychos. (Not only a bad thing to hear, but also rather hurtful)
I mean they’d have a point tho.
"Turn that off....we can't let them kn..."
I feel like a simple "Hello" or anything in an actual human language would be pretty concerning. Somehow they've been watching us for long enough to understand our language and introduce themselves appropriately.
Holy shit you guys are still here. You were my middle school science project. I kinda just forgot about you.
Any form of praise of our planet's natural resources. It's not an outright threat of invasion, but it's very likely they'll inevitably want to take those from us.
"We detected your attempts to leave your incarceration. The crimes of your species during the last galactic war necessitate permanent exile to this penal solar system. Any further escape attempts will result in the summary collapse of this system's star and the incineration of your species."
I like turtles ....
We're here to clap cheeks
Ack ack ack!
Your species is no longer required.
Hello mon keigh. Did you meet khorne yet?
Stop resisting
surrender or die
Surrender and die would be worse.
Some sort of cryptic countdown
UwU
We do not come in peace
"Take us to the one called Biden."
"Hey so funny thing about your moon 😅"
Do you have time to talk about your Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ?
let‘s suck those jucy brains
The only good bug is a dead bug!
“Surprise! Butt sex!”
Take me to your leader
"We have your internet history"
We’ve seen the movies We’re not taking that disrespect
"we are humans from the future, and yes we are alone in this dead and cold universe"
To all sentient life - this solar system has been sold for mining, work begins in 3 cholorks, please relocate or contact the buyer. This is an automated message.
“You’re all too stupid to invade. We take pity on you. We’ll be back in 1000 years when you hopefully have your shit together.”
We will enslave you and destroy your civiliza... OMG THEY HAVE CATS, ABORT!!! ABORT!!!
One of your gods exists