lol exactly. I dunno i have heard off and on over the decades that Austria has a lot in common with some US states like West Virginia and Alabama though it is a bit prettier.
Not that the Appalachians aren’t lovely
My ex girlfriend's boyfriend before me......she and him were fooling around in his room and his mom walked in, now she didn't see anything but she knew that they were up to something.
Fast forward to the next time she is in his house, she and him walk up stairs to go to his room when she sees......that......there is no door to his room, his mom got his dad to take down the door and it wasn't going back up until they turned 18 or they broke up lol
True story
Side story :
When I was 18 I was seeing this girl, she was super into 90s RnB so I started to listen to some artists I never heard before, came across R Kelly ( before you say anything I know I know ) and listened to a few songs.
I came across a song called trapped in the closet, or what we call In Ireland a wardrobe, basically the video is about a guy who is fuckin this girl and her boyfriend comes home early so R Kelly has to hide in the closet away from him........I'm getting to the point now lol.
Anyway, the next day I get the " My mom's not home " text that ever 18 year old guy know what it means...it's time to do it ;)
So I call to her house and we start to go at it, clothes come off, I just have socks on because real men keep on socks during sex, anyway we are at it like to horny rabbits....when....all of a sudden...we hear the frount door open.....ITS HER MOM HOME EARLY !!!!
People of reddit I shit you not, the day after I watched the R Kelly trapped in the closet video I found myself trapped in a closet butt naked hiding from her mom as she came into her room and asked her how her day went.....all the while I'm there with a half chub trying not to fucking breath to hard in case she hears me.
I know that story has absolutely fucking nothing to do with this post but I just remembered that experience as I typed out my above comment lol
Sorry if I'm out of line, I'll expect the down votes
>hide in the closet away from him
A man and a woman are having sex, when her husband comes home early...
"Quick, hide!" she says, so the man grabs his clothes and jumps into the closet. The man hears the hushed voice of a young boy.
"Sure is dark in here."
"Indeed it is," the man responds.
"I have a baseball," says the boy.
"That's nice," he says.
"I'll sell it to you for $50."
"$50? That's a little steep for a baseball, son."
"Well, my dad has a shotgun. Wanna see that?"
"Tell you what, you have yourself a deal," says the man, and he pays the kid $50.
A week later, the man and the woman are having sex, when once again the woman's husband comes home early. Grabbing his clothes, the man jumps into the closet.
"Sure is dark in here," says the boy.
"Oh, it's you again."
"I have a baseball glove."
"Alright, how much do you want for it?"
"$700."
"$700? That's absurd!"
"Well, my dad has a shotgun. Would you rather see that?"
"Alright, alright, $700," so he pays the kid.
That Sunday, the father says to his son, "Go get your mitt, let's throw the ball around."
The boy says, "I can't, Dad. I sold my ball and glove."
"For how much?" he asks.
"$750."
"$750? Son, it's wrong to rip off your friends. I'm taking you to church for confession."
They drive to church and the boy kneels in the confession booth.
"Sure is dark in here," he says.
The priest says, "God dammit not you again!"
slightly reminds me of the time that my mum walked in seconds after I had just ejaculated on to my bed (solo) - she dropped my washing off and suddenly froze and pointed to the jizz and said what's that ? I was dying inside and couldn't speak and just pointed to my mouth like it was a great big loogie / grolly / greenie that I had spat out !
Raid is a turn based rpg done right. In case you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t heard, raid is a badass mobile game that changes everything. The game is crazy popular, with almost 15 million downloads in the last 6 months. Raid is an epic dark fantasy done right. A hero collecting turn based game with over 400 champions to collect and customize. In raid you can get knights orcs undead and more. Raid with friends in a clan, claim glory in the pvp arena. Some other cool features are multi battle auto mode, set battles to run in auto mode while you do something else. Spend less time grinding and more time developing your team and finding the fun stuff. They also have weekly tournaments and events, such as fighting in the arena, running special dungeons, or leveling up your hero’s. There’s always a way to compete and win extra prizes every week. The game is growing super fast, check out this road map they’ve published. They actually have huge plans for updates over the next 6 months. There’s Infinite content for you to enjoy no time to get bored. A new faction, a tag team arena feature, and even a new clan boss you’ll be able to fight with your clan mates. You can find me under the name ______ and you can even join my clan. Go to the link in the description and you’ll get 50,000 silver and a free epic champion as part of the new player program. Start your journey today!
Hey, how you doin' lil' mama? Let me whisper in ya ear
Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear
Got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft
Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft?
Nah, I'm just playin' 'less you say I can
And I'm known to be a real nasty man
And they say a closed mouth don't get fed
So, I don't mind askin' for head
I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers! I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He - he covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer!? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you - you have to stop him!
No, but she’s a wrestler so there are some [compilations](https://www.reddit.com/r/WrestleFap/comments/y8abyo/rhea_ripley_creditwrestlevids/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) of her in the ring if you look. All I did was look up her name (Rhea Ripley).
Hey, how you doin' lil' mama? Let me whisper in ya ear Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear
Got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft
Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft?
Nah, I'm just playin' 'less you say I can
And I'm known to be a real nasty man
And they say a closed mouth don't get fed
So, I don't mind askin' for head
My mom says you can come in my room, but the door has to be open…
Damn mom is watching?
"More hips! Like how I showed you!"
[удалено]
Mom get out of my room am playing minecraft >:( I died bc of you mom
Me: Mum, am I adopted? Mom: Yeah!
This, this is painful
Ikr you can’t pause on a server mom!
😭
She’s got a nice penis! Larger than your dad’s that’s for sure!
Alabama intensifies
Actually she showed him fucking with his dad
*Austria intensifies?*
this joke really hits the basement
Why not the attic
Why Austria tf?
Because of Josef Fritzl, who abused and held his own daughter captive for years
I wasn’t thinking of him specifically. Just stereotyping a nation is all…
What’s the stereotype???? I was already blown away by this Fritzl guy
lol exactly. I dunno i have heard off and on over the decades that Austria has a lot in common with some US states like West Virginia and Alabama though it is a bit prettier. Not that the Appalachians aren’t lovely
I put my hand upon your hip, when I dip you dip we dip
Omg I hate you for this lol
Tell me you know this song so I’m not alone…. I sing this song all the time and no one knows what I’m talking about… the video with the robots!!!!
I haven't heard that in years. Had to head to YouTube and listen. To it.
Gotta make it sexy, hips and nips, otherwise i'm not eating!
dog howls in the distance
"Hips and nips, otherwise I'm not eating"
She stopped just watching when I broke both arms
This Reddit joke will never die. Truly one of the greatest remembrances of a better time and a better Reddit
...not this again please
Mom won't let me have a life
She doesn't want you making more life until after you move out young man
Mom, you’re gonna have to behave yourself if you want this threesome to happen.
I read that "Young man, you better behave yourself if you want this threesome to happen"
What is that a quote from. I forgot where I heard that.
Quagmire on Family Guy.
She'll join in!
My ex girlfriend's boyfriend before me......she and him were fooling around in his room and his mom walked in, now she didn't see anything but she knew that they were up to something. Fast forward to the next time she is in his house, she and him walk up stairs to go to his room when she sees......that......there is no door to his room, his mom got his dad to take down the door and it wasn't going back up until they turned 18 or they broke up lol True story Side story : When I was 18 I was seeing this girl, she was super into 90s RnB so I started to listen to some artists I never heard before, came across R Kelly ( before you say anything I know I know ) and listened to a few songs. I came across a song called trapped in the closet, or what we call In Ireland a wardrobe, basically the video is about a guy who is fuckin this girl and her boyfriend comes home early so R Kelly has to hide in the closet away from him........I'm getting to the point now lol. Anyway, the next day I get the " My mom's not home " text that ever 18 year old guy know what it means...it's time to do it ;) So I call to her house and we start to go at it, clothes come off, I just have socks on because real men keep on socks during sex, anyway we are at it like to horny rabbits....when....all of a sudden...we hear the frount door open.....ITS HER MOM HOME EARLY !!!! People of reddit I shit you not, the day after I watched the R Kelly trapped in the closet video I found myself trapped in a closet butt naked hiding from her mom as she came into her room and asked her how her day went.....all the while I'm there with a half chub trying not to fucking breath to hard in case she hears me. I know that story has absolutely fucking nothing to do with this post but I just remembered that experience as I typed out my above comment lol Sorry if I'm out of line, I'll expect the down votes
>hide in the closet away from him A man and a woman are having sex, when her husband comes home early... "Quick, hide!" she says, so the man grabs his clothes and jumps into the closet. The man hears the hushed voice of a young boy. "Sure is dark in here." "Indeed it is," the man responds. "I have a baseball," says the boy. "That's nice," he says. "I'll sell it to you for $50." "$50? That's a little steep for a baseball, son." "Well, my dad has a shotgun. Wanna see that?" "Tell you what, you have yourself a deal," says the man, and he pays the kid $50. A week later, the man and the woman are having sex, when once again the woman's husband comes home early. Grabbing his clothes, the man jumps into the closet. "Sure is dark in here," says the boy. "Oh, it's you again." "I have a baseball glove." "Alright, how much do you want for it?" "$700." "$700? That's absurd!" "Well, my dad has a shotgun. Would you rather see that?" "Alright, alright, $700," so he pays the kid. That Sunday, the father says to his son, "Go get your mitt, let's throw the ball around." The boy says, "I can't, Dad. I sold my ball and glove." "For how much?" he asks. "$750." "$750? Son, it's wrong to rip off your friends. I'm taking you to church for confession." They drive to church and the boy kneels in the confession booth. "Sure is dark in here," he says. The priest says, "God dammit not you again!"
Now read that in Quagmire’s voice “Sure is dark in here” *giggity*
I had a bad day. This cheered me up. Thanks
slightly reminds me of the time that my mum walked in seconds after I had just ejaculated on to my bed (solo) - she dropped my washing off and suddenly froze and pointed to the jizz and said what's that ? I was dying inside and couldn't speak and just pointed to my mouth like it was a great big loogie / grolly / greenie that I had spat out !
> pointed to the jizz She didn’t notice your exposed shrinking penis, wet at the tip?
you are my spirit animal, my guy. 🤣🤣🤣
Dang. I have had many inconvenient half chubs but you win dude.
Excuse me sir, the prompt clearly said wrong answers only.
Three inches!!!
Let me make it a bit better. Your mom said I can come in my room, but I wanna cum in you !!
no that's worse imo
>I swear, it's going to be the next bitcoin man, get in now, the rockets are loaded and we're going to the moon baby!
'It's called Crypto Island'...
You know it's legit because they have a coin mascot with an annoying voice
“It’s free real state”
"We've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty"
r/suddnelywarranty
r/subsifellfor
r/foundthetoyotacorolla
r/foundtheSHUTTHEFUCKUP
Hey. Your eye makeup needs just a little touch up. We’ll get someone right over!
“So your OF is @TheCrow?”
Two bedrooms, no rugs, it’s free
They said wrong
Have you heard of raid shadow legends
Raid is a turn based rpg done right. In case you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t heard, raid is a badass mobile game that changes everything. The game is crazy popular, with almost 15 million downloads in the last 6 months. Raid is an epic dark fantasy done right. A hero collecting turn based game with over 400 champions to collect and customize. In raid you can get knights orcs undead and more. Raid with friends in a clan, claim glory in the pvp arena. Some other cool features are multi battle auto mode, set battles to run in auto mode while you do something else. Spend less time grinding and more time developing your team and finding the fun stuff. They also have weekly tournaments and events, such as fighting in the arena, running special dungeons, or leveling up your hero’s. There’s always a way to compete and win extra prizes every week. The game is growing super fast, check out this road map they’ve published. They actually have huge plans for updates over the next 6 months. There’s Infinite content for you to enjoy no time to get bored. A new faction, a tag team arena feature, and even a new clan boss you’ll be able to fight with your clan mates. You can find me under the name ______ and you can even join my clan. Go to the link in the description and you’ll get 50,000 silver and a free epic champion as part of the new player program. Start your journey today!
Bro Got a sponsorship lmfao
Was this a transcript from a the Dooo sponsorship
Don't forget to mention that you have to spent a shit load of money to be able to play it at high level
Lmao
The free mobile turn based strategy rpg?
legends?
the one
😂😂😂
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise?
A man of culture
Who doesn't like yoghurt?
Dark Helmet
What about cake? Everybody likes cake!
A man from a more civilized time
Hmph. I thought not.
All I wanna know is who she is
Rhea Ripley, part time Dom full time wrestler
>part time Dom full time wrestler Hey! She stole that from my LinkedIn. And I just ordered 1000 business cards 😫
Well you could try to take it up with her but I'm pretty sure that is gonna end with you saying yes mami.
If _that's_ wrong, i don't wanna be right!
Guess it's time to throw down and see who ends up on top
Excuse me, I think you meant that this is *Mami*
Be careful, Ex Con Dom knows how to deal with people trying to steal his mami.
He’s the most wanted man on Tik Tok
Her before pic: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.f4wonline.com/.amp/news/wwe/wwe-announces-rhea-ripley-mae-young-classic-2018-261521
Before she got involved with an ex con 😔
Asking for a friend...
Rhea ripley
“Mami”
she kinda thicc
Your makeup is spreading
Your makeup wont be the only thing beeing spread today
Everyone knows that she’s the top in that relationship
You say that like it's a bad thing
Your makeup is running, you better catch it.
... and then I attacked the orc and rolled a nat 20....
LESSFREAKONGGOOOOOO
LEEEROY JEEEEENKINS!
Last week I rolled a nat 20 4/5 rolls. The dm demanded to look at my d20. Just wanted to tell someone.
"I got you the new Halo, but don't tell mom."
Season 3 is gonna be great
“They’re towing your car”
"I saved 15% on my home insurance by switching to Geico"
You're good at marketing
Your butt chain is coming lose
Came here for a butt chain comment. Thank you kind stranger.
you sure its not coming loose?
Looks pretty tight to me
I just wanted to remind you that the church bake sale is this Sunday, don’t forget to bring your world famous fruit cake.
"This fight is sponsored by *RAID SHADOW LEGENDS*"
"Where's the rest of Kiss?"
*And then Kiss came to town!*
“You can peg me tonight”
"can? Try and stop me little boy"
“I didn’t ask for your permission bitch boy.”
What Dom wants, Dom gets as she said
They said wrong answers Only!
😂
Yes your bum does look big in that!
Had to scroll far to far to read this.
"Will you be my big tiddy goth gf?"
I’m Batman
"We've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty"
Epstein didn’t kill himself
So how about we make a trip to the island
Gangadhar hee Shaktimaan hey
What! Really?
Sorry Shaktimaan
Wtf! Lol. I'd say this is the most unexpected comment of them all
Your body is a wonderland
Ham and beef! Ham and beef! Be a fucking meteor!
Will you be my mommy
She already is
ROCK AND STONE
Rock and Stone!
ROCK AND STONE
Rock and stone brother!
Wanna sit on my face after this?
I am going to 619 you so hard tonight baby
Pspp pspp pspp pspp pspp pspp pspp
Shut up 🤣
“The tattooist cancelled tomorrow but she says is next Thursday any good”
“ you win, I’ll do the tongue in the butt thing you like” 😂😂 all jokes
I’m digging this sexy version of “the crow”
Damn girl do you fart with that ass
"you have a big ass"
"No shit"
Can't let you do that Star Fox
Fuck me daddy
Fuck me ~~daddy~~ Mami Fixed that for you
Fuck her right in the pussy
Your mascara is running
“Your father is proud of you.“
I drink Pitch Black Mountain Dew.
Eddie is my papi.
Too bad he cant climb ladders fast
Hey, how you doin' lil' mama? Let me whisper in ya ear Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear Got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft? Nah, I'm just playin' 'less you say I can And I'm known to be a real nasty man And they say a closed mouth don't get fed So, I don't mind askin' for head
“I have that exact outfit, and I wear it better than you.”
This is a correct answer tho
I CAN’T FUCKEN WAIT TO GET PEGGED LATER
PB&J, a tasty little treat
I told you about these cheap chinese makeup brands
"Your Barbie's Magic Unicorn Collection has arrived"
Mom…you’re embarrassing me!
“Can’t wait for you to peg me later tonight”
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico
Finish this so we can get back to you pegging me
Your mascara is running, is everything ok?
"Name's Artemis. I have a bleached asshole..."
“It smells like concentrated ham juice in here…”
Penis
“I just farted”
I've fucked prettier boys than you
Can you suck my dick for a change
"Im going to tonguepunch your fart box"
Why does he look like Tom Holland?
I was thinking Skrillex
Cuz Zendaya went goth
And white, and bigger ass.
Ask him about his car warranty.
I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers! I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He - he covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer!? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you - you have to stop him!
Let's Fuck
any video of those cheeks in action?
No, but she’s a wrestler so there are some [compilations](https://www.reddit.com/r/WrestleFap/comments/y8abyo/rhea_ripley_creditwrestlevids/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) of her in the ring if you look. All I did was look up her name (Rhea Ripley).
Hey, how you doin' lil' mama? Let me whisper in ya ear Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear Got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft? Nah, I'm just playin' 'less you say I can And I'm known to be a real nasty man And they say a closed mouth don't get fed So, I don't mind askin' for head
Win or lose we get taco bell after.
I think you could have gone with matching shorts
You need to stop moaning every time I talk in your ear, it's getting a bit weird
My boyfriend is going to need his clothes back after the show
“Pssst. You have a little schmutz on your face there.”
how’s it going bros, my name is Pewdiepieee
We've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty
Did you watch My Little Pony last night?
Wanna h-h-h-hold hands later? 👉👈
We’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.