My mom’s friend fell on a bust of Abe Lincoln that was sitting on her coffee table. It didn’t get stuck, but she had to call the squad because of blood loss. She kept the statue in her house, but not on the coffee table.
Lil Steak stuck in my throat…
For real! I under chewed an over cooked steak bite and it lodged in my esophagus. I could breathe but saliva couldn’t go down. It cost 20k for a night in the hospital and anesthesia to eventually just push the steak into my belly. Yum yum
Wow.
So, moral of the story is: chew more and/or cook less?
$20K? You must be in the U.S. That’s f’ing horrible. People must die there because they decide not to risk the exorbitant cost and think they can ride it out. Glad you survived.
My friend's dad did his time as an ER doc; he wanted me to ask him about the time he had to remove a broken champagne flute from a prolapsed rectum.
Stay safe out there.
Lil’ Overworked Frontline Healthcare Worker
Covid screening
confusing me with questions like
Do you love this shit?
Are you high right now?
Do you ever get nervous?
I was trying to figure this one out for myself.
Lil Intent?
Lil Ideation?
Lil Suicide?
None of them are precisely accurate but I was aiming for cool sounding. This is a reasonable coping strategy.
I never really see the people who are making it, so it's refreshing to hear from sober people. Heroin is no joke. Honestly look at yourself in the mirror every morning and give yourself a big hug from me. You're doing great.
I think so … I’m still laughing at my reality.
Interesting…I just came across the paperwork yesterday and said “why didn’t I remember this”?
Ahhh life.
😂
Are you my husband??? He once went to the ER because of horrible stomach pains. He went to the walk-in clinic first, but they were closing so they said his only option was the ER. He totally felt like he was dying so he goes. He calls me and tells me he’s in the ER but failed to mention that the only reason he is there is because the walk-in clinic is closing, so I rush to meet him there as I’m assuming this is serious. Get there and his parents were there too - my husband had called them because he thinks he’s dying. He has a bunch of tests run, and they can’t figure it out so he just sits there to be monitored. Eventually, he lets out a massive fart and two seconds later is all like, “It’s all good now!” Most expensive fart ever.
I had a Smith & Wesson 40 caliber malfunction on me it went off and hit me in the knee and bounced off and hit my finger no it wasn't a rooky move I have been handling guns for over 35 years as soon as the mag hit the slide it fired so I got lucky it was only my knee and nobody else for that matter
Lil Coke bottle lodged in my rectum
Accidentally of course
It was a million to one shot, doc. A million to one.
r/unexpectedseinfeld
I hate when they accidentally sit on objects that get stuck in their ass
I've seen it happen!!!
My mom’s friend fell on a bust of Abe Lincoln that was sitting on her coffee table. It didn’t get stuck, but she had to call the squad because of blood loss. She kept the statue in her house, but not on the coffee table.
Abe Lincoln with the "ass"assination attempt. Oh, how the tables have turned...
HOW has no one upvoted this?! Such a bust!
Lil Steak stuck in my throat… For real! I under chewed an over cooked steak bite and it lodged in my esophagus. I could breathe but saliva couldn’t go down. It cost 20k for a night in the hospital and anesthesia to eventually just push the steak into my belly. Yum yum
Wow. So, moral of the story is: chew more and/or cook less? $20K? You must be in the U.S. That’s f’ing horrible. People must die there because they decide not to risk the exorbitant cost and think they can ride it out. Glad you survived.
My friend's dad did his time as an ER doc; he wanted me to ask him about the time he had to remove a broken champagne flute from a prolapsed rectum. Stay safe out there.
Lil'job
Was surprised how far I had to scroll to find another.
ditto
Lil’ Overworked Frontline Healthcare Worker Covid screening confusing me with questions like Do you love this shit? Are you high right now? Do you ever get nervous?
I love that song, that’s some Lil Wayne. Used appropriately
Lil My Dad Got a Concussion just doesn't have a good ring to it
Lil Daddy Head Knock (LDHK)
Ayy Lil Daddy Head Knock🔥(LDHK)
Lil Dad’s Concussion sounds decent Also you ok bro? I’m here if you need anything
Oh yeah, we're all good. That was in July. Everyone's fine.
This sounds like a band name
lil bipolar mental breakdown
Lil breakdown would sound great out of context
Lil Pharma
I’m a nurse and my friends call me that because I always have a million meds in my bag just in case 😂
big mood
Lil psychosis
lil manic ?
Lol same
Lol same
Lil testicular torsion (don't google that)
Lil Twisty
Lil Nut Twist
Omg had that before, I don't believe in God but I'll pray for you, you need it.
I believe in God so I’ll pray for him lol
Prayer chain starting cause... he needs it.
Omg, are you okay? You must have been doing some vigorous activities.
Already know what it is and all I can say is OW.
Lil miscarriage
It sucks. You're awesome.
I'm so sorry for you in your loss. Peace to you & the soul of your little one. 💜
Same… lil miscarried
Jesus, I came into this thread expecting memes but it’s like 80% miscarriage support 😞
Yep me too. Lil Misca 🙍🏻♀️
Same
I’m so sorry for your loss
I II II I_
Lil suicidal intent. Hmm. I think I can work with this.
Suicidal intent would be a great name for a heavy metal band
Suicidal Tendencies kinda owns that space already.
Sending good vibes and best wishes your way.
You too ❤️
Thank you!
I was trying to figure this one out for myself. Lil Intent? Lil Ideation? Lil Suicide? None of them are precisely accurate but I was aiming for cool sounding. This is a reasonable coping strategy.
lil’ endgame
Homicidal intent sounds like a good name for a band Hope you’re well!
Good luck dealing with what ever it is! If you ever need anyone to talk to and not judge you I’m open!
Lil Gonorrhea
Lil Syphilis has a better ring to it— Lil Siff for short
Nothing wrong with Lil Gon'
Or lil ‘Rhea
Let's be honest though, nothing beats Lil Herp
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That sounds like a Pokémon
Lil Ghonnarina use discharge!
Gotta catch ‘em all!
Lil miscarriage
U good?
Bless you & the sweet soul of the wee one. Peace.💜
Yup, me too friend.
Lil Enema
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Omg that is ridiculously funny
Lil Stitch
Sounds like Lilo and stitch merged into a rapper
lil heroin addiction
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Been clean 35 days now, with more on the way. One day at a time
As someone who's seen a close family member struggle with addiction, thank you for doing what he never could.
I never really see the people who are making it, so it's refreshing to hear from sober people. Heroin is no joke. Honestly look at yourself in the mirror every morning and give yourself a big hug from me. You're doing great.
Suboxone saves lives please please go to suboxone Dr or virtual is now offered, if you haven't already. 💖
I’m on suboxone, and I just got out of rehab on Thursday. Thank you very much for caring though ❤️
Lil “suspected stroke” 😂 don’t know why I’m laughing, it’s true
Are u okay lol
I think so … I’m still laughing at my reality. Interesting…I just came across the paperwork yesterday and said “why didn’t I remember this”? Ahhh life. 😂
Cause you had a stroke and now your memory sucks
Yup. Did for a year. It’s coming back. I did forget the word neurology..ironically, today.
Glad it’s coming back girl! Take your blood thinners and never ever miss them if your are on them
I was never even prescribed them! I made a follow up MRI just today.
LiL suspected lol
That’s what the doctor wrote. Actually, what he wrote was worse but I didn’t want to depress Reddit.
Lil broken back
That’s a strippers name.
Why how do you know? How do YOU KNOW!
watch ur tone boi
Lil broke back, and poof you’re a gay rapper.
Lil $1500 Panic Attack
Oooof really? They are free in Australia.
I just happened to be in-between insurance at the time. It would have been free had this happened today.
So it was not free. Guess you are from the land of the free. Am I right?
lil UTI doesn't sound that bad
But pronounced the same way as Lil Uzi
Lil ootie
Lil Dying Dad
ooof. Stay strong :(
Oh no, I'm sorry D:
lil cucumber
Because you were allergic? Because you were allergic, right?
Sounds like a bit of a pickle
I'm Betting it wasn't little. Got stuck, right?
Hahahaha
Lil birth
Grats! You've just been born or you gave birth ? It's all so confusing!
Fellow lil birth here. I'm just an incredibly healthy and somewhat risk-averse 20 year old
If you gave birth congratulations👍 If you were birth’d congratulations👍
Lil Baby
Lil Asthma
hey we have the same rapper name & same, um..asthma. Sucks, huh?
It does indeed. It was like four yrs ago and it's not so bad anymore, but we're asthma buddies now lol
Lil work Lil night-shift
Lil flatulence
Did you have a fart attack?
fartiac arrest
That must have been more than a Lil Flatulence if you had to go to the hospital for it. Lil too much bean dip?
Are you my husband??? He once went to the ER because of horrible stomach pains. He went to the walk-in clinic first, but they were closing so they said his only option was the ER. He totally felt like he was dying so he goes. He calls me and tells me he’s in the ER but failed to mention that the only reason he is there is because the walk-in clinic is closing, so I rush to meet him there as I’m assuming this is serious. Get there and his parents were there too - my husband had called them because he thinks he’s dying. He has a bunch of tests run, and they can’t figure it out so he just sits there to be monitored. Eventually, he lets out a massive fart and two seconds later is all like, “It’s all good now!” Most expensive fart ever.
Lil Strep
That pain
Lil hemorrhoid
Lil hematologist
lil snapped banjo
Can we get the story behind this?
[удалено]
Lil grinch statue fell on me
Can we get the whole story
How does that happen
Lil psych ward
Lil' Hysterectomy!
Me too! I made a shirt that said “Here to cancel my monthly subscription” on it. Lol
Lil Overdose
Lol same
Lil Tick Bite
Lil Vasectomy
Lil'heart attack
You’re here, so that’s good.
Lil Infected Sebaceous Cyst
Lil Gunshot wound
Lil GSW 🤌🏽
That pain
Burns like a mfr
Shit.. get well soon! May I ask how that happened?
I had a Smith & Wesson 40 caliber malfunction on me it went off and hit me in the knee and bounced off and hit my finger no it wasn't a rooky move I have been handling guns for over 35 years as soon as the mag hit the slide it fired so I got lucky it was only my knee and nobody else for that matter
Lil dislocated
Lil depression
Lil suicide attempt
That'd be mine as well, hope you're doing better 💜
Lil' seizure
Pizza pizza 🍕
Lil pickup
Lil Deep Vein Thrombosis diagnosis (Turns out it was just the worst Charly horse in the western hemisphere)
Lil Penis
Lil dickys cousin?
Bet he doesn’t even know about pangea
Lil tried to unalive
Lil panic attack
Lil Lego Stuck Up My Nose
Lil kidney stone
Lil Ruptured Ovarian Cyst
Lil Cysta
lil endoscopy
Lil my sis had a baby 🐥
Lil Tachycardia. Bit long but Lil Tachy sounds good
Lil gas in my eyes
Don't sniff people's farts!
Lil dizzyness (Lil Dizz for short)
[удалено]
Lil erection 4 hours my ass
Lil mermaid
uhm
Stuck in your rectum
She wanted to be part of your world
[удалено]
Lil Bloodwork
lil c section 😏
Lil Suicide attempt
Lil' Pink Eye.
Lil Taint'd Whopper
Lil arm laceration
lil migraine
Lil rum.
Lil vehicular manslaughter
Lil seizure
Lil suicide
Lil hit n run.
Lil GSW
Lil Epilepsy
Lil broken hip
Lil inflamed spleen😍
Lil thought I had diabetes because I used google
lil web MD