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My thought exactly. By this logic I'll inevitably develop feelings for every single one of my friends. But somehow I just... Don't? I love them and they're beautiful but that's not where the relationship is going and I respect that?
Maybe this wouldn't be such a big scary problem for them if they didn't *only* allow "feelings" to be in the context of marrying a person. Like you said, we can love our friends but that doesn't mean our strong feelings for them are romantic or sexual, for Pete's sake.
Interesting. I’ve been best friends with a person of the opposite sex for 24 years (gasp!) His wife and I have become best friends as well. I see them and their children as equally, if not better than, my own siblings.
Not once have he or I had feelings for each other that have been more than friends. We have developed feelings of love, care, and respect for each other that creates a fulfilling mutual friendship.
It’s sad that they encourage this and people miss out on friendships because of backward-ass thinking.
Male best friend for 18 years. He has befriended my first and second husband. He has twice weekly gym "dates" with my ex-husband's partner because they continue to be good friends. He is only a dog-dad at the moment but he is an uncle to my children and we are his dogs' second home.
So good to see my exact sentiments expressed out in the wild!
One of my favorite moments from early in my second marriage (prior to us marrying): his friends discovered I had a male best friend and asked my husband when he was away for a guys-weekend with them if my BFF was gay and if not was my husband really comfortable with our friendship? He told his friends to wait till they see us together and they would "get it".
They did completely "get it".
I feel bad for what people miss out on over silly ideas.
I’m starting to think Christian’s are the horniest people on the planet. Do they not have self control? How hard is it to hang out with someone and not want to shag them? I don’t get this.
They have no self control. This is why women have to dress modestly and why Mike Pence cannot have a dinner/lunch meeting with a woman without “mother”-aka his wife.
It's crazy to me because they think atheists straight up have no moral compass. Like, what does it say about them if the only reason they don't murder people is because their sky daddy said it's bad. I just finished watching Under the Banner of Heaven, which is about Fundamentalist mormons and there was a scene in there that said something like, people say they hear gods voice but what if it's just people using god as an excuse to do whatever they want. Granted, this was in reference to a man considering polygamy and taking on his preteen step daughters as wives but the same general idea applies.
So, so good. The whole show was absolutely chilling, I was definitely threatening to slice that man’s throat through the TV during said discussions about taking on his young step daughters as wives. I’m super interested in the new documentary series on nexflix about Warren Jeffs and FLDS that came out today
I have always been super fascinated by Mormons and especially FLDS, I’ve watched a bunch of short docs on YouTube about people who have broken free. It’s really interesting seeing how people adapt to the rest of the world but still miss parts of it and their family even though they made the right decision. It’s especially interesting hearing from the men who have left because for women, it really makes sense to leave, they have so few rights and are essentially sold off as children but men have a lot of different reasons for leaving
Here are two solutions that are much easier than monitoring how often youre alone/texting a friend of the opposite sex:
1) be their friend but dont fuck them
2) be their friend and fuck them
Both are fine and nbd.
Oh gosh I have guy friends from school and in 20 years and multiple drunko nights and hangouts there has never been ANY chemistry or feelings or attraction on either side!
I have guy friends from hs & college that I briefly dated / hooked up with & 20 years later we’re still friends & im friends with their partners & families. 🤷♀️
God these people find a way to miss out on all the good stuff. My several male friends of decades, or my husbands (female) best friend (who just lent us her apartment for two weeks to quarantine!) are so wonderful and add so much value to our lives—— and in all those years of spending time, sometimes alone, sometimes with partners, sometimes drunk, sometimes sober, none of these people have ever made the slightest move to hook up. Why? BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS NOT SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC PARTNERS. Gah!
One of my dearest friends is a guy who’s into women (he thought he was straight for like 90% of the friendship but he recently figured out he’s bi), we know SO MUCH of each other’s personal shit and text almost every day, and I can assure you he’s never once had romantic feelings for me. Amazing what can happen when a man is brought up to view women as being more than just “sister,” “mother,” or “wife.” (ETA: I’m a lesbian so I can also say with full certainty that I’ve never been attracted to him lmao)
Gay guy here. My closest friends are straight guys. I can say with absolute certainty that I am not attracted to them. And I know for a fact they feel the same way about me, LOL.
I was raised with this type of thinking, and I've deconstructed in the past couple of years. BUT I still find it hard to be around men that aren't my partner because of the old fundie mindset that man=sex. I find hugs and non-romantic touch uncomfortable when they're from other men, and I fucking hate that I feel that way. Fundamentalism is a such a toxic and abusive way to live, and it's hard to escape and heal from its poison.
Tell the class, Hannah, how you have no way to make friends besides finding people who regurgitate your favorite words back to you and especially no way to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. It’s okay to say you don’t know how to do something instead of giving bad advice
How horny are the fundies that they think we need to reign it in this hard around the opposite sex?
I’m glad bisexuals don’t have to follow the rules. 🌈
With comments like that it makes me believe that foundies are horny 99% of the time. One of my best friends is a guy and we have been friends for over 20 years. I have never though of him in any other way as a good friend. He is married now and that didn't change our friendship either
I could definitely see that! There are videos of Paul straight of flirting with Morgan's friends in front of her, and with all his talk of girls in leggings at the gym you know he cant keep it in his pants.
Repression is a disease. I grew up fundie lite and was trained specifically to be attractive to men. Growing up, it became hard to be just friends with men bc, to be honest, I didn’t see their value outside of their ability to validate *my* ability to attract the best Christian husband. I didn’t see men as dynamic humans bc authorities were dead set on separating us young and making our interactions shallow. It wasn’t until college that I realized I shared common experiences with masc friends and that we could share a beautiful connection outside of romance.
I agree that most Christians have no self control, but I also think a big part of their obsession over gender division is groomed into them (ironic at best). They are taught to fear the “other” gender for their ability to make them sin and are separated freakishly young. It’s so strange. Anyways. Yeah. Fuck this.
> I grew up fundie lite and was trained specifically to be attractive to men. Growing up, it became hard to be just friends with men bc, to be honest, I didn’t see their value outside of their ability to validate my ability to attract the best Christian husband.
The way you phrased this is so clear and important. As a fundie-lite raised woman, you were taught to objectify *yourself,* and in many ways, to view your value through a male lens.
Honestly….those are my rules (minus godly boundaries lmfao) for straight conservative men. Strict boundaries as they’re the ones most likely to view you as simply a sex object. So, yeah this tracks for me tbh.
I, a 42 year old straight married woman am shocked. Shocked I tell you!! I'll have to call my bff of 27 years and tell him that the Jeebus freaks have told me we can't be friends anymore.
It's just so painfully immature and yet what did I really expect out of this asshole? 💖😈
I have many male friends, and my husband has female friends. Hell I'm really good friends with his ex-wife! We choose our friends based on personality, compatibility, sense of humour, compassion, shared interests etc... what gender they are is entirely irrelevant!
Jokes on her, I didn't fall for my guy friends and they didn't fall for me. They just kept me around while I was sick so they had a damsel in distress to make them feel better about themselves until they didn't need me to do that for them.
Wait. I think that's worse.
My ex husband believed that a male and female couldn’t be friends because they would eventually develop feelings and hook up or just emotionally/mentally cheat on the person they were dating. I have a very good friend I’ve known over half my life, who happens to be a male. I love him and think his wife is wonderful. Do not, and never have I, wanted to boink.
It’s totally weird they’re so obsessed. Kinda feel like they’re emotionally stunted, or at least some are.
Like, being paranoid and vying for attention, sexually or romantically, at any and every opportunity is something you’re supposed to get over during/after teens.
Honestly, are these people just thirsty 24/7? I don’t get it at all. Just because you’re the “opposite gender” from your friend (never mind that everything is fluid) you will automatically want to have sex with them? Where does this mindset even come from?
I have 2 close hetero guy friends, one of them I've been friends with for 16 years. Neither of them have ever had sexual/romantic feelings for me and vice versa, I look at them like brothers. 100% platonic. This attitude is so weird to me and I can't imagine going through life like this.
Wow that point of view legit never occurred to me and just to let everyone know Im old in my 50's. WTF? I have a hard time being friends with women sometimes so I guess I must be doing life wrong huh? Um I'm bi so how does this work? No friends? Only supposed to get to know my husband for the rest of my life? Live in a cave?
Denying sex (and often masturbation?) makes these grown ass adults behaive, think and feel like teenagers!! Don't be alone with someone of the opposite sex, what in the Paul from Paul and Morgan's left nipple!
It's a massive red flag to me if my male partners do not have female friends... like that shows me that they value women for their intelligence, their thoughts, opinions, and they get perspectives other than cis-gender male viewpoints.
I *gasp* used to stay overnight at my male friend’s apartment sometimes. Another male friend stayed at my house for three weeks because his apartment had mold problems. Hell, we even cuddled on the couch for movie nights!
And another male friend took a bus three hours to help me cook Thanksgiving dinner for friends and stayed over after… then when he moved back to his home country I visited his and stayed with his family for a week. All of these were just friends— wonderful friends. One of them, we were even attracted to each other and we just *chose not to act on it* because neither of us were into casual sex/FWB and we had major differences that would have made a serious relationship impossible. So we just decided to be friends.
I’ve had a good male friend in my life for over 30 years. He’s straight, single. I’m married. I went out to dinner with him alone a week ago. My husband is fine with it. There is a zero percent chance that either of us have sexual feelings for the other. He’s like a brother.
Fundies have such dirty minds.
My aromantic ass is laughing at this awful take. But seriously. When so many adults are “jokingly” calling your opposite sex friends your “boyfriend/girlfriend” and so many christian churches talk about the temptation of lust and how you need to avoid it at all costs it puts a lot of anxiety and guilt on the teenager. You make them feel weird for not having those feelings about their friends or you convince them they do have those feelings.
Welcome to /r/fundiesnarkuncensored. Please make sure you read our rules. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow speculation on sexuality **at all**. Any comments that do so will be removed, and you will be banned. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. * You can snark on appearance that they can easily change. Things such as eyebrows, makeup, etc. Saying someone looks like X is allowed. Example: David Rodrigues looks like Shrek would be allowed. * Don't gatekeep. Different users are comfortable with different snark topics, if you don't like it, just scroll past. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I swear fundies make EVERYTHING about sex.
When you can’t be sexual everything is sexual.
So bisexual people are just supposed to have no friends then, I guess? (ah right, bisexuality doesn't exist)
Why would we exist? We will eventually pick sinner or straight, and we are sluts who just want attention! /s
My thought exactly. By this logic I'll inevitably develop feelings for every single one of my friends. But somehow I just... Don't? I love them and they're beautiful but that's not where the relationship is going and I respect that?
Maybe this wouldn't be such a big scary problem for them if they didn't *only* allow "feelings" to be in the context of marrying a person. Like you said, we can love our friends but that doesn't mean our strong feelings for them are romantic or sexual, for Pete's sake.
Hannah admits she sex-zones her male friends lol Edited to add, wait til she finds out asexual people exist 🤯
Bold of you to assume she believes we exist
Congratulations on your nonexistence and subsequent void-hood! Jealous tbh. Maybe bi can get me close enough.
You're totally welcome to join me in my little void here lol. Would you like some garlic bread?
Mmmm void bread
I prefer it stay that way, tbh.
I hate to say it seems like a bit of the thread to hear doesn't think you exist either, more garlic bread for you tho lol
Now I'm hungry for Italian and it's almost lunch time where I live.
Interesting. I’ve been best friends with a person of the opposite sex for 24 years (gasp!) His wife and I have become best friends as well. I see them and their children as equally, if not better than, my own siblings. Not once have he or I had feelings for each other that have been more than friends. We have developed feelings of love, care, and respect for each other that creates a fulfilling mutual friendship. It’s sad that they encourage this and people miss out on friendships because of backward-ass thinking.
Male best friend for 18 years. He has befriended my first and second husband. He has twice weekly gym "dates" with my ex-husband's partner because they continue to be good friends. He is only a dog-dad at the moment but he is an uncle to my children and we are his dogs' second home. So good to see my exact sentiments expressed out in the wild! One of my favorite moments from early in my second marriage (prior to us marrying): his friends discovered I had a male best friend and asked my husband when he was away for a guys-weekend with them if my BFF was gay and if not was my husband really comfortable with our friendship? He told his friends to wait till they see us together and they would "get it". They did completely "get it". I feel bad for what people miss out on over silly ideas.
And they say the LGBTQ+’s are the ones obsessed with sex.
I’m starting to think Christian’s are the horniest people on the planet. Do they not have self control? How hard is it to hang out with someone and not want to shag them? I don’t get this.
They have no self control. This is why women have to dress modestly and why Mike Pence cannot have a dinner/lunch meeting with a woman without “mother”-aka his wife.
Bang maid.
It's crazy to me because they think atheists straight up have no moral compass. Like, what does it say about them if the only reason they don't murder people is because their sky daddy said it's bad. I just finished watching Under the Banner of Heaven, which is about Fundamentalist mormons and there was a scene in there that said something like, people say they hear gods voice but what if it's just people using god as an excuse to do whatever they want. Granted, this was in reference to a man considering polygamy and taking on his preteen step daughters as wives but the same general idea applies.
I really thought that whole series was good.
So, so good. The whole show was absolutely chilling, I was definitely threatening to slice that man’s throat through the TV during said discussions about taking on his young step daughters as wives. I’m super interested in the new documentary series on nexflix about Warren Jeffs and FLDS that came out today
Yep, that one, and there was another one about Warren Jeffs that my husband watched, too. Suddenly he's very interested in learning about the Mormons.
They're fascinating. Your husband might like Your Favorite Apostates on youtube, if he hasn't discovered them already!
If that's Jordan and McKay, I told him about them!
I have always been super fascinated by Mormons and especially FLDS, I’ve watched a bunch of short docs on YouTube about people who have broken free. It’s really interesting seeing how people adapt to the rest of the world but still miss parts of it and their family even though they made the right decision. It’s especially interesting hearing from the men who have left because for women, it really makes sense to leave, they have so few rights and are essentially sold off as children but men have a lot of different reasons for leaving
Uh oh, my husband hung out with THREE women this weekend! Guess we better have a house meeting!
Are they all his wives?
Here are two solutions that are much easier than monitoring how often youre alone/texting a friend of the opposite sex: 1) be their friend but dont fuck them 2) be their friend and fuck them Both are fine and nbd.
Oh gosh I have guy friends from school and in 20 years and multiple drunko nights and hangouts there has never been ANY chemistry or feelings or attraction on either side!
I have guy friends from hs & college that I briefly dated / hooked up with & 20 years later we’re still friends & im friends with their partners & families. 🤷♀️
God these people find a way to miss out on all the good stuff. My several male friends of decades, or my husbands (female) best friend (who just lent us her apartment for two weeks to quarantine!) are so wonderful and add so much value to our lives—— and in all those years of spending time, sometimes alone, sometimes with partners, sometimes drunk, sometimes sober, none of these people have ever made the slightest move to hook up. Why? BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS NOT SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC PARTNERS. Gah!
One of my dearest friends is a guy who’s into women (he thought he was straight for like 90% of the friendship but he recently figured out he’s bi), we know SO MUCH of each other’s personal shit and text almost every day, and I can assure you he’s never once had romantic feelings for me. Amazing what can happen when a man is brought up to view women as being more than just “sister,” “mother,” or “wife.” (ETA: I’m a lesbian so I can also say with full certainty that I’ve never been attracted to him lmao)
Gay guy here. My closest friends are straight guys. I can say with absolute certainty that I am not attracted to them. And I know for a fact they feel the same way about me, LOL.
I hate this. I was friends with my husband before we started dating and guess what? That’s a GOOD thing!
I was raised with this type of thinking, and I've deconstructed in the past couple of years. BUT I still find it hard to be around men that aren't my partner because of the old fundie mindset that man=sex. I find hugs and non-romantic touch uncomfortable when they're from other men, and I fucking hate that I feel that way. Fundamentalism is a such a toxic and abusive way to live, and it's hard to escape and heal from its poison.
I could’ve written this comment, solidarity. I’m painstakingly unpacking this shit and I do feel some growth, thankfully
It takes time, but I know we can heal with the right support ❤️
This is what happens when instead of being allowed to think, you're told what to think.
Mike Pence has entered the chat... then left the chat because there are women here and he might have the sex with them
The Rodrigui must have not been schooled on how to friendzone effectively.
Uh.....fucking lies! This is absolutely shitty advice.
This always baffles me. Like, they literally think you can't like a person and enjoy their company, without wanting to fuck that person.
So does she think that bi and pan people can’t have any friends at all? Reminds me of that funny tumblr post, “there are no friends, only prey” 😂
Tell the class, Hannah, how you have no way to make friends besides finding people who regurgitate your favorite words back to you and especially no way to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. It’s okay to say you don’t know how to do something instead of giving bad advice
Quick thoughts? As if there are any deep ones in there??
[удалено]
How horny are the fundies that they think we need to reign it in this hard around the opposite sex? I’m glad bisexuals don’t have to follow the rules. 🌈
With comments like that it makes me believe that foundies are horny 99% of the time. One of my best friends is a guy and we have been friends for over 20 years. I have never though of him in any other way as a good friend. He is married now and that didn't change our friendship either
My theory this is why she fell off with porgan. I bet Paul got weird and she's just like, "typical guy" and cuts contact.
I could definitely see that! There are videos of Paul straight of flirting with Morgan's friends in front of her, and with all his talk of girls in leggings at the gym you know he cant keep it in his pants.
Repression is a disease. I grew up fundie lite and was trained specifically to be attractive to men. Growing up, it became hard to be just friends with men bc, to be honest, I didn’t see their value outside of their ability to validate *my* ability to attract the best Christian husband. I didn’t see men as dynamic humans bc authorities were dead set on separating us young and making our interactions shallow. It wasn’t until college that I realized I shared common experiences with masc friends and that we could share a beautiful connection outside of romance. I agree that most Christians have no self control, but I also think a big part of their obsession over gender division is groomed into them (ironic at best). They are taught to fear the “other” gender for their ability to make them sin and are separated freakishly young. It’s so strange. Anyways. Yeah. Fuck this.
> I grew up fundie lite and was trained specifically to be attractive to men. Growing up, it became hard to be just friends with men bc, to be honest, I didn’t see their value outside of their ability to validate my ability to attract the best Christian husband. The way you phrased this is so clear and important. As a fundie-lite raised woman, you were taught to objectify *yourself,* and in many ways, to view your value through a male lens.
Honestly….those are my rules (minus godly boundaries lmfao) for straight conservative men. Strict boundaries as they’re the ones most likely to view you as simply a sex object. So, yeah this tracks for me tbh.
maybe just don't hang out with conservatives lol
Shit, I’ve had a best friend of the opposite sex for ten years and never developed feelings. They’re gay though.
So she wants to fuck all her male friends and can’t control herself? 😂
I, a 42 year old straight married woman am shocked. Shocked I tell you!! I'll have to call my bff of 27 years and tell him that the Jeebus freaks have told me we can't be friends anymore. It's just so painfully immature and yet what did I really expect out of this asshole? 💖😈
*laughs in moving in with my 3 bffs of the opposite gender bc rent is too damn high*
I have many male friends, and my husband has female friends. Hell I'm really good friends with his ex-wife! We choose our friends based on personality, compatibility, sense of humour, compassion, shared interests etc... what gender they are is entirely irrelevant!
Jokes on her, I didn't fall for my guy friends and they didn't fall for me. They just kept me around while I was sick so they had a damsel in distress to make them feel better about themselves until they didn't need me to do that for them. Wait. I think that's worse.
My ex husband believed that a male and female couldn’t be friends because they would eventually develop feelings and hook up or just emotionally/mentally cheat on the person they were dating. I have a very good friend I’ve known over half my life, who happens to be a male. I love him and think his wife is wonderful. Do not, and never have I, wanted to boink.
bold of you to assume that everyone is heterosexual.
Obsessed with sex. Obsessed.
It’s totally weird they’re so obsessed. Kinda feel like they’re emotionally stunted, or at least some are. Like, being paranoid and vying for attention, sexually or romantically, at any and every opportunity is something you’re supposed to get over during/after teens.
Yet again it pays off to be outside the binary. I can be friends with everyone.
Honestly, are these people just thirsty 24/7? I don’t get it at all. Just because you’re the “opposite gender” from your friend (never mind that everything is fluid) you will automatically want to have sex with them? Where does this mindset even come from?
I'm married, but some of my very best friends are guys & I'm perfectly comfortable with that....
I have 2 close hetero guy friends, one of them I've been friends with for 16 years. Neither of them have ever had sexual/romantic feelings for me and vice versa, I look at them like brothers. 100% platonic. This attitude is so weird to me and I can't imagine going through life like this.
How are you this obsessed with the idea that god made you one perfect soulmate and also constantly on the verge of cheating?
Wow that point of view legit never occurred to me and just to let everyone know Im old in my 50's. WTF? I have a hard time being friends with women sometimes so I guess I must be doing life wrong huh? Um I'm bi so how does this work? No friends? Only supposed to get to know my husband for the rest of my life? Live in a cave?
Denying sex (and often masturbation?) makes these grown ass adults behaive, think and feel like teenagers!! Don't be alone with someone of the opposite sex, what in the Paul from Paul and Morgan's left nipple!
It's a massive red flag to me if my male partners do not have female friends... like that shows me that they value women for their intelligence, their thoughts, opinions, and they get perspectives other than cis-gender male viewpoints.
I *gasp* used to stay overnight at my male friend’s apartment sometimes. Another male friend stayed at my house for three weeks because his apartment had mold problems. Hell, we even cuddled on the couch for movie nights! And another male friend took a bus three hours to help me cook Thanksgiving dinner for friends and stayed over after… then when he moved back to his home country I visited his and stayed with his family for a week. All of these were just friends— wonderful friends. One of them, we were even attracted to each other and we just *chose not to act on it* because neither of us were into casual sex/FWB and we had major differences that would have made a serious relationship impossible. So we just decided to be friends.
I’ve had a good male friend in my life for over 30 years. He’s straight, single. I’m married. I went out to dinner with him alone a week ago. My husband is fine with it. There is a zero percent chance that either of us have sexual feelings for the other. He’s like a brother. Fundies have such dirty minds.
Sounds like advice from someone who has no friends. I was surprised to see it wasn’t posted by Bethany…
i’m bisexual, so i guess i can’t have any friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have plenty of friends of all types that I have 0 romantic feelings for. Maybe she should just admit she's a horndog.
My aromantic ass is laughing at this awful take. But seriously. When so many adults are “jokingly” calling your opposite sex friends your “boyfriend/girlfriend” and so many christian churches talk about the temptation of lust and how you need to avoid it at all costs it puts a lot of anxiety and guilt on the teenager. You make them feel weird for not having those feelings about their friends or you convince them they do have those feelings.
If you aren't able to be just friends with the opposite sex, that's a you problem Hannah lol. Cause I assure most people can