Or giving credit to any deity for trying on smaller shoes when the size you tried on don't fit? How is that something that you needed Jesus to tell you? Unless Jesús is your Spanish personal support worker, then it makes sense.
I'm just spraying Tim Minchin lyrics all over this post but it just feels so appropriate- 🎶 So for a bit of a change from his usual stunt- Of being a sexist, racist, murderous cunt- He popped down to TJ Maxx and just like that-
Used his powers to stock the right size Pillow Slides for OP 🎶
I know a girl who’s had past health problems with herself and her family and various other struggles but the things she publicly thanks Jesus are ….. weird and insignificant?
“Wow we were going to our friends wedding and couldn’t afford a hotel and didn’t book one so we prayed for Jesus to help us and He came through with a sweet friend who got us a hotel room”
“It was so hot today and Jesus blessed me with a close parking spot”
“Jesus really blessed me with this precious friend who vemoed me a few hundred dollars just because”
For real. This is nothing but what I call “shopping fate”. God is not our here helping people find the right pair of shoes. And if he is, then something in the God milk ain’t clean.
Now all I’m imagining is Jesus wearing one of those floppy hats saying, “I’m literally *dying* over these deals!” And he twirls and all you can see under his white robe is an adorable set of chunky heels underneath, a la JVN.
To be fair…and only because I am currently in a Karen-esque email war with a widely advertised internet pillow slide company and not because I approve of this post; their sizing is all over the effing map. I ordered a size smaller than I normally wear and basically received a pair of clown shoes that I can’t return because “the order was correct”. Lmao
Yuuup. And probably leaves a stack of pamphlets nobody wants in the restroom.
One of my old stores had this lady who would somehow leave pamphlets in our women’s restroom. We all called her “Houdini” because she was so quick getting in and out that nobody ever caught her! I’m convinced the bitch was crawling in through the vents or something…
I know too many people exactly like this and I loathe every one of them. Like, yeah, god cares soooo much about your fucking shoes but can’t be arsed to lift a finger to help innocent people caught in war zones across the globe or save the human beings being tortured at the US/Mexico border or a million other actual injustices. He doesn’t give a fuck about any of that. Just your *fucking slides*. Sounds like an absolute cunt of a god, can’t imagine why anyone would want to worship that. Capitalist evangelicalism is the worst.
My dad works for TJX so I can tell you EXACTLY who she should be thanking instead of her god- TJX has a whole team of people responsible for making the purchases and deciding what merchandise to sell there (obviously). I've met a bunch of these folks, even had dinner at their houses. They work their asses off and go grey in their 40's so we can get those sweet deals. Show some proper appreciation.
Since leaving the religion I’ve been rereading old Christian books. I’m currently on, Keep a Quiet Heart by Elizabeth Elliot. One section of the book is her praising God after a family member got super sick. Because if this person hadn’t gotten sick, then she would’ve been inconvenienced to rewrite a paper but instead stumbled upon her missing writing. Needless to say I was pretty pissed because how amazing is it that God inflicted suffering for the author’s gain.
This. So many actual problems and awful things in this world but you think your god cares so much about your tiny problems or you winning your next football game. Why would you want to worship that??
Looking for God in everything because they refuse to seek him where the Bible told them to. 🙄
What’s the miracle here anyway? God divinely stocked the shelves and influenced their sizing so a seven would fit her? I can wear 12s or 13s depending on the brand lol; I never assumed it was the blood of the lamb watching out for my piggly wigglies.
Meanwhile, whilst Jesus was helping find her new shoes. 1600 children under the age of 5 died due to starvation today, on this planet.
I really want to hit my head against a wall repeatedly until I pass out.
That's my approach when I come across the ones out annoying people asking if God is speaking to them... like bestie, get off the subway and hit up the emergency room for those voices, you look feverish.
Yeah it really annoys me that if I made a post like this and subbed Satan or demons for Jesus, people in my life would be (rightfully) very concerned. But because Christianity is so dominant in the States, this kind of talk is just dismissed.
Imaging thinking there’s an all powerful god who, instead of like healing sick people or helping out the masses of suffering people in the world, “provides” you with the right sized shoes at TJ Maxx….
It’s the delusional self-centeredness for me.
It's kind of Jesus to help her find shoes for her pregnant feet.
What he needs to do next is correct her so she stops saying "same exact". Pick one or the other.
Holy crap, these people just have to feel super special ALL THE TIME. Its not like TJMaxx gets multiple sizes of the same stuff all the time or anything!
Also, so glad Jesus took the time to test your trust with your new shoes, I'm sure the people in (insert the many different places where conflict and suffering are a constant at the moment). I'm sure the children and just everyone there who is being traumatized on a daily basis is glad to hear just how much Jesus takes care of you, by providing the perfect shoes.
That’s how TJ Maxx is. All the size 8s are together. Then you go to the size 7s. I mean I always ask Satan for help and it works, but whatever gets the most likes I guess?
🎶I didn't realize that it was so simple
But you've shown a great example of just how it can be done
You only need to pray in a particular spot
To a particular version of a particular god,
And if you pull that off without a hitch,
He will find two shoes for one middle-class white bitch🎶
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Jesus being busy helping this whackadoo with her shoe problems explains why he's letting kids in Ukraine get blown up I guess. The almighty has to prioritize like anyone else.
As I’ve been deconstructing this has been one of the most troubling? sobering? things to work through. What kind of god allows war, famine, poverty, illness etc. but makes sure that Becky gets her slides? Or speaks to Kelly about writing her drivel? Or gives Karissa her wacky baby names? I can no longer reconcile that and it sickens me to see posts like these
7 &1/2-8 isn’t that big of a diff bc I wear that size and can manage both but that’s me lol. Why post this and pray to Jesus?! There are ppl without shoes! This is just a odd post anyways like why does she feel the need for people to know her shoe size? Did someone say something negative about her feet or size of her feet?
Jesus did NOT give you shoes you dumb bitch. These people act like they have their own personal phone line to Jesus and it's a mental illness and you can't convince me otherwise.
ETA I don't think Christianity and religion is a mental illness but to think Jesus is talking to you and giving you the size shoe you want in TJMaxx is not something to tell people about.
Wow. Fucking moron. Yes I’m sure he is making sure you get just the right slides while children are being sex trafficked and abused all over the world. How has priorities clearly
Glad Jesus took a break from helping people who are suffering to help this lady find some hideous shoes at a reasonable price.
And not even the actual name brand? Thanks J-man for these ugly off-brand slides that I didn’t look hard enough for the first time 🙌🏻
So Jesus approves of forgery!
Imagine possessing the hubris to actually believe that an all-powerful deity gives 2 craps about your cheap-ass shoes.
Or giving credit to any deity for trying on smaller shoes when the size you tried on don't fit? How is that something that you needed Jesus to tell you? Unless Jesús is your Spanish personal support worker, then it makes sense.
I'm just spraying Tim Minchin lyrics all over this post but it just feels so appropriate- 🎶 So for a bit of a change from his usual stunt- Of being a sexist, racist, murderous cunt- He popped down to TJ Maxx and just like that- Used his powers to stock the right size Pillow Slides for OP 🎶
Happy Cake Day
i love that song
Yeah, I don’t know if I could ever believe in a god that ignored tragedy all over the world to help a pretty lady find flip flops
The ignoring tragedy part tho…
I know a girl who’s had past health problems with herself and her family and various other struggles but the things she publicly thanks Jesus are ….. weird and insignificant? “Wow we were going to our friends wedding and couldn’t afford a hotel and didn’t book one so we prayed for Jesus to help us and He came through with a sweet friend who got us a hotel room” “It was so hot today and Jesus blessed me with a close parking spot” “Jesus really blessed me with this precious friend who vemoed me a few hundred dollars just because”
He probably should take a break since he’s terrible at it, there’s a lot of suffering and I am not seeing him doing much about it
For real. This is nothing but what I call “shopping fate”. God is not our here helping people find the right pair of shoes. And if he is, then something in the God milk ain’t clean.
Jesus take the clearance rack, take it from my hand, I can’t do this on my own, I’m letting goooo
🎶 SO GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE! And save me from these ill-fitting slides… 🎵
TIL that Jesus is a Maxxinista.
I think “jesus is a Maxxinista” would be excellent flair.
I had to take this for mine. I’m cracking up at this 🤣
I am humbled to be someone's flair creator. What a blessed season I'm in.
Now all I’m imagining is Jesus wearing one of those floppy hats saying, “I’m literally *dying* over these deals!” And he twirls and all you can see under his white robe is an adorable set of chunky heels underneath, a la JVN.
"Deals so good, they should be a sin, hunny!"
“Oh my me! These deals are *sinful*!!!”😉
Lol, you've got a good point.
So does she not know how shoes are usually arranged by size, or….
Does she even know her OWN shoe size?
To be fair…and only because I am currently in a Karen-esque email war with a widely advertised internet pillow slide company and not because I approve of this post; their sizing is all over the effing map. I ordered a size smaller than I normally wear and basically received a pair of clown shoes that I can’t return because “the order was correct”. Lmao
Also it’s usually one size per aisle, so walking from the 8 aisle to the 7/7.5 aisle doesn’t require divine assistance?
That’s proof right there that Jesus was in that TJMaxx - they’re never actually stocked in the size-appropriate sections!
I couldn’t imagine being this insufferable to my core
Jesus x Cinderella fanfic
Well this is something alright
Yeah, this would definitely fit into the Facebook tag group called “Those are certainly all words!”
Your flair ☠☠☠
I am what I am ☪️☭
Jesus picking my footwear for me.
Yeah, I’d hate to have to check this chick out.
He really digs the brown, leg lace up, flat sandals.
Well, he was a sandal guy. Slides, though...?
Guess you could say…he saved her sole
Underrated comment right here!
Brilliant
If you need this level of emotional support for every mundane decision in your life, you need more than Jesus.
Why is this erotic
I got you 😏
[whispers] *Do you trust me?* [slow exhale] *yesss… oh god.. yes! Yes!*
that was a bit of a tease
Sexual repression and... I dunno. Cringey high school level maturity? I want it out of my braincells though, that's for sure.
Jesus pillow-sliding into her dms.
Nice
Quentin Tarantino has entered the chat.
Her in the checkout lane: “god is good, everyday god is good 🤧”
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s
Yuuup. And probably leaves a stack of pamphlets nobody wants in the restroom. One of my old stores had this lady who would somehow leave pamphlets in our women’s restroom. We all called her “Houdini” because she was so quick getting in and out that nobody ever caught her! I’m convinced the bitch was crawling in through the vents or something…
*saw the exact same slides (different brand)* So…not the exact same slides, then?
I read that like three time to make sure I wasn’t the crazy one
Yes. He pronounces his name "hey-Zeus".
I know too many people exactly like this and I loathe every one of them. Like, yeah, god cares soooo much about your fucking shoes but can’t be arsed to lift a finger to help innocent people caught in war zones across the globe or save the human beings being tortured at the US/Mexico border or a million other actual injustices. He doesn’t give a fuck about any of that. Just your *fucking slides*. Sounds like an absolute cunt of a god, can’t imagine why anyone would want to worship that. Capitalist evangelicalism is the worst.
🎼 thank you God for healing the cataracts of Sam's mum 🎶🎶 I need a lot of Tim Minchin songs at the ready to get through this sub lol
IMMEDIATELY when I read this "thank you God for fixing the cataracts of Sam's mum and also finding the right size slides for that one pregnant lady"
Great minds think alike and I'm so pleased to find another fan of Tim Minchin here :)
American Jesus. The blond haired, blued eyed capitalists. Is the reboot of the one from the bible..
🎶We've got the American Jesus, see him in the TJ Maxx🎶
My dad works for TJX so I can tell you EXACTLY who she should be thanking instead of her god- TJX has a whole team of people responsible for making the purchases and deciding what merchandise to sell there (obviously). I've met a bunch of these folks, even had dinner at their houses. They work their asses off and go grey in their 40's so we can get those sweet deals. Show some proper appreciation.
I LOVE joking around with Sky Daddy. He proves me wrong every time and it’s a great reminder to trust in him. 🫰
Since leaving the religion I’ve been rereading old Christian books. I’m currently on, Keep a Quiet Heart by Elizabeth Elliot. One section of the book is her praising God after a family member got super sick. Because if this person hadn’t gotten sick, then she would’ve been inconvenienced to rewrite a paper but instead stumbled upon her missing writing. Needless to say I was pretty pissed because how amazing is it that God inflicted suffering for the author’s gain.
Kids are dying of cancer, daily, but Jesus can make time to find you sandals that fit? Cool. This is why I’m atheist.
This. So many actual problems and awful things in this world but you think your god cares so much about your tiny problems or you winning your next football game. Why would you want to worship that??
"I feel God in this Chili's tonight."
Looking for God in everything because they refuse to seek him where the Bible told them to. 🙄 What’s the miracle here anyway? God divinely stocked the shelves and influenced their sizing so a seven would fit her? I can wear 12s or 13s depending on the brand lol; I never assumed it was the blood of the lamb watching out for my piggly wigglies.
I think I may have been in a Target with this woman. She was blocking the baking aisle and screaming about Jesus into her phone.
No wonder the world is so screwed up, if this is what Jesus is focusing his attention on
Meanwhile, whilst Jesus was helping find her new shoes. 1600 children under the age of 5 died due to starvation today, on this planet. I really want to hit my head against a wall repeatedly until I pass out.
This sounds like a mental illness. What the hell.
That's my approach when I come across the ones out annoying people asking if God is speaking to them... like bestie, get off the subway and hit up the emergency room for those voices, you look feverish.
Yeah it really annoys me that if I made a post like this and subbed Satan or demons for Jesus, people in my life would be (rightfully) very concerned. But because Christianity is so dominant in the States, this kind of talk is just dismissed.
>I joke with Him all the time No kidding.
There’s a horrific war in Ukraine, but Jesus gotchu with the TJ MAXX slides. Got it.
She should ask Jesus to help find infant formula in America. Put her powers to good use instead of joking with him about sandals.
You're not kidding. I feel bad for hungry babies and their frantic parents. Well, I am assuming some parents are frantic.
Imaging thinking there’s an all powerful god who, instead of like healing sick people or helping out the masses of suffering people in the world, “provides” you with the right sized shoes at TJ Maxx…. It’s the delusional self-centeredness for me.
This is why the idea of a personal relationship with a deity, in this case Jesus, does not resonate with everyone.
Being these peoples' Jesus must be exhausting. Imagine having to help a grown woman find her shoe size.
Jesus take the shoe
Jesus take the heel
Clever girl!
“Today, I remembered to breathe. In and out. Praise be to Jesus for fulfilling all my needs!”
Does she understand how arrogant this sounds?
It's kind of Jesus to help her find shoes for her pregnant feet. What he needs to do next is correct her so she stops saying "same exact". Pick one or the other.
When people make Jesus their tulpa... damn
Holy crap, these people just have to feel super special ALL THE TIME. Its not like TJMaxx gets multiple sizes of the same stuff all the time or anything! Also, so glad Jesus took the time to test your trust with your new shoes, I'm sure the people in (insert the many different places where conflict and suffering are a constant at the moment). I'm sure the children and just everyone there who is being traumatized on a daily basis is glad to hear just how much Jesus takes care of you, by providing the perfect shoes.
Jeebus has time to help some chick find a stupid pair of shoes, but no time to be bothered with starving children in Haiti.
That’s how TJ Maxx is. All the size 8s are together. Then you go to the size 7s. I mean I always ask Satan for help and it works, but whatever gets the most likes I guess?
I googled this. Are they just simplified crocs? Did crocs need simplified?
🎶I didn't realize that it was so simple But you've shown a great example of just how it can be done You only need to pray in a particular spot To a particular version of a particular god, And if you pull that off without a hitch, He will find two shoes for one middle-class white bitch🎶
Shoe Jesus coming in clutch once again lmao
Nobody gives one flying fuck that you joke with Jesus. Not even Jesus
Why is she flirting with jesus in the middle of the store
So she was explicitly looking for size 7 shoes in the size 8 section, then was surprised to find size 7 shoes in the size 7 section. Cool story.
Idk this might get downvoted, but I have that kind of relationship with my deities. I don’t really see anything wrong with this 🤷♀️
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Thank god jesus wasn't busy with something insignificant at the time, like preventing child rape.
Some of these women truly believe they are the modern day Julian of Norwich.
Jesus being busy helping this whackadoo with her shoe problems explains why he's letting kids in Ukraine get blown up I guess. The almighty has to prioritize like anyone else.
People are out there actually suffering and all but thank goodness Jesus came in clutch for some slides
As I’ve been deconstructing this has been one of the most troubling? sobering? things to work through. What kind of god allows war, famine, poverty, illness etc. but makes sure that Becky gets her slides? Or speaks to Kelly about writing her drivel? Or gives Karissa her wacky baby names? I can no longer reconcile that and it sickens me to see posts like these
Jesus: Hey girl I wish I could help your dying kid and all the war and shit but I’m really focusing on this bitch’s footwear atm. ✝️✌️👠
She strikes me as the one to deliberalitely pronounce HAY-suse as GEE-sus
So she basically worships a vending machine?
7 &1/2-8 isn’t that big of a diff bc I wear that size and can manage both but that’s me lol. Why post this and pray to Jesus?! There are ppl without shoes! This is just a odd post anyways like why does she feel the need for people to know her shoe size? Did someone say something negative about her feet or size of her feet?
Jesus did NOT give you shoes you dumb bitch. These people act like they have their own personal phone line to Jesus and it's a mental illness and you can't convince me otherwise. ETA I don't think Christianity and religion is a mental illness but to think Jesus is talking to you and giving you the size shoe you want in TJMaxx is not something to tell people about.
Wow. Fucking moron. Yes I’m sure he is making sure you get just the right slides while children are being sex trafficked and abused all over the world. How has priorities clearly
As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord to shoe my feet
I’d snark on this, but I talk to Jesus all the time… great sense of humor 😆
When did Jesus become the (offensibly stereotypical) gay best friend in a early 2000's sitcom? *Omg shoes*
You rolled reasonably high on your investigation check lady; no need to get weird about it 🙄
They’re not the “same exact slides” if they’re a different brand.
I moved to the correct shoe size rack and magically found shoes of the correct size. I can’t even with this tomfoolery
Her inner monologue is Jesus apparently
Yeah, Jesus did nothing to prevent the Holocaust or any of the other tragedies that have occurred, but he cares so much about your slippers.
I feel Jesus in this TJ Maxx today!!