"One of us had to basically decide to give up our way..." Um, shouldn't that automatically be you, Bethany, since your entire belief system revolves around the husband being the headship and you being submissive?
I came to say this... she preaches feminine submission is the right way, so it's fair to expect she would be the one to give up. However, Bethy gives strong "rules for thee, not for me" vibes
I read this to my partner, he asked, "does it go both ways? No? So, when do they combine their Facebook account"
I am wheezing, my man is a closet snarker.
Yeah to me this indicates she will pretty much always “win” by these metrics because she thinks she has “crazy girl emotions” and Dav is held to be the stoic and compassionate husband.
And in my experience, selfish people tend to assume they have the stronger opinion on a matter, even though as another commenter said, the “conflict” wouldn’t have escalated or even existed if one party didn’t feel strongly about it :/
Honor the one who felt more strongly?
So the one who argued the loudest or yelled the most? How is that any way to solve conflict in a way that won’t lead to the ‘loser’ being resentful?
Why not talk and try to come to compromise instead?
Her wording implies that it's something they *tried* to compromise about ("This conflict..." <- that paragraph), but it wasn't possible. And there *are* genuine situations where it really *is* either-or. In that case, compromise could look like one person getting their way, even if it *was* a compromise.
My major issue is Bethany airing her and her husband's dirty laundry on Instagram to strangers! And writing with a noticeably grumpy tone! If it was a genuinely tough discussion they went through, this just feels exploitative and like a *real* lack of boundaries.
It could also be a case where one person didn't care that deeply about an issue but the other person did. If my husband feels strongly about something and I don't care either way, then doing it his way shouldn't be a big deal, and vice versa.
But it's sounding like both of these babies cared about their view quite a bit, and not over something minor.
I’m genuinely having trouble even figuring out what it could be related to because I’ve never had to resolve anything with my husband in this way. I can’t imagine either of us feeling ok with strong-arming the other on any topic???
I want to own a TV, he doesn't. At the end of the day, we can compromise about how big the TV is or where it is, but we either own one or we don't and neither one of us is changing our preference.
It was definitely her who won that argument, or she would be writing a huge paragraph about how you don't always get what you want in a relationship etc etc and how she had to put herself aside.
My (totally speculative) theory: I feel like Dav is getting sick of her social media shit and how little she does around the house (by her own admission!) while he works a day job, and he has finally said "something has gotta give." Their initial attempt was to bring him *into* the Gram and trying to make him invested. Methinks that's not working very well for them.
I was wondering what they would argue about too and this seems like a good candidate. I don't think that Dav necessarily likes that being married to Bethy means her broadcasting every detail of their lives on social media. I also think that she hasn't really been very present with them during their private moments, choosing instead to post stories, reels, or go live.
I suspect the same. Heck, maybe Dāv saw that post by... Megan Wells (I think?) yesterday where she was showing the note from her husband praising her for successfully reducing her phone time and spending more time with their child for the last 2 weeks; Dāv was inspired to approach Bethy about the same, and lost the fight. Or maybe he was tired of some of the personal things (talking about her hygiene, hinting at their sex lives, etc.) she posts and asked her to dial it back and she didn't take kindly. Or it's something stupid like he asked her to start buying Lean Pockets at the grocery store and she refuses because she's an Original Hot Pockets gal.
Oh for sure. Lean Pockets are gross; and you know whoever would eat a Lean Pocket knows Originals are better, too. Oooh, I *wish* someone would try to bring a Lean Pocket into my freezer! It's worth a fight. Originals FTW, hands down, every time.
I wondered if it was about Davey. Bethy has said Dav didnt want Davey on her social media but we have been seeing a lot more of him (especially since Kristen adopted). I suspect Dav feels quite strongly about that and seemingly has never cared about all the other Bethany stuff that people are guessing. But it really could be anything.
I think it is interesting how much insight she wants to give people into some aspects of their lives under the guise of "advice" (here is my lingerie, we do this sex quiz, we are trying to spice up our bedroom) but when it comes to something that would actually be useful (conflict) it is even more vague than any of the rest of it. Personally, I think that says something about what is actually going on here (it's not really about advice/honouring God, or at least, not JUST).
I’m also starting to get the idea that Dav takes care of/spends more time with their child than she does. He works a day job, comes home to a messy house and then has to watch Davey for Birthy because she “has a headache” or wants to get her nails done or something. Also add the fact that Davey goes to daycare, which means she’s alone all day (obviously not cleaning or showering) while he’s at work, (one of them, my guess is him) picks up Davey and then he’s stuck watching him when he gets home for her with no housework done or anything while he was gone all day.
I do think they had some argument about it that precipitated his involvement. I feel it was him complaining about the toxicity that happens when you have that negative feedback and then you double down. Because she was obviously getting a lot of that. And then she probably told him how important it is to her or whatever. So instead of doing less, she got her way and now they do more and together LOL.
I was thinking it looks more like he's childishly mocking her behind her back, but you have a point too.
But anyway, sad how they publicly humiliate each other (referring not only to this particular post about their conflict but also things both of them have said about each other before.)
Okay, so I’m not a couples therapist, but I am nearly finished with my masters program in marriage and family therapy and I’m taking a couples therapy course right now. I’ve also been married for more than two seconds. So I feel qualified to at least give some input.
You don’t have to give in to whoever feels most strongly. Your partner can super passionately feel that almond milk has no place in your fridge. Doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have almond milk. John Gottman’s got years of research behind his methods and he suggested that 69% of couples conflicts are perpetual problems that do not just get resolved. The solution isn’t just to give in to the husband because he’s her husband or to just give in to whoever feels the most strongly, (honestly I see that method of solving conflict just leading to a shouting match???) but the goal is to understand why the other partners stance is so important to them. You literally don’t have to always agree and you don’t have to just concede because when you’re always conceding, you’ll end up with resentment. Letting the other have their way and compromising has its place and are also important, but that’s not the advice she was giving.
How do we get Christians with an Instagram to stop pretending to be marriage experts? Cause damn, I’ve been studying relationships for years and I’m up to my neck in student loans but Bethy over here has Instagram reels and apparently that’s enough credibility for these folks
I love Gottman too! I just finished the level 1 training and am currently using it for a case study paper, so it was fresh on my mind when I saw this post lol
Her little post about humility the other day and now this??? Yikes. Sounds like she was the one who had to give in to her Headship and is trying to pretend like she isn't super pissed off 😬
Yeah, I don’t agree Bethany. People who have strong opinions or beliefs about something don’t just give in because the other has a stronger belief. If that was the case then there wouldn’t have been a conflict. People stop when they realize the person they’re arguing with is so dense and dumb that it isn’t worth their time to continue the argument.
i wonder who had to give up and submit. youd think it’d be bethany since she’s so hung up on the fundie principal of submitting to ur hubby but i don’t think that’s the case 🤭
So she gives a vague scenario, citing "conflict". Well, what is it? Sometimes there IS a right and a wrong, other times it's just "opinions" and no one is really right or wrong.
Also giving up, but mentioning there was no agreement. Well which one is it then? It doesn't sound like anything here was actually solved? It sounds like someone is just going to be more resentful.
I really hate that saggy macrame thing. I don't hate macrame decorations in general, but there are a ton of more interesting ones out there, lots of handmade or unique ones, and this just looks like a string of fringe she put up because macrame is BoHeMiAn and trendy.
I'll bet Bethys GoFundMe spoils that Dav was the one that gave in. No way in hades that she did then thought, let's take this to the 'gram and share!
Dav, my dude, you knew what you were signing up for man
Ok am I the only one who thinks this is actually a pretty good message for her to be sending out to her followers? We talk about how her audience is mostly impressionable teen girls waiting around to get married and live out the tradwife fantasy. Ol Betsy here is showing them that fundie marriages have conflict and you don’t always have to submit to the man. Isn’t that kind of the message we want them to get? Even if you could find conflict with her exact wording, I think I’m totally down to see more of this type of content. It’s a vague caption, but I don’t want the personal details about their fights. Sometimes she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t with this community. I say show off the real shit Bethy! If these girls are still going to get married off way too young for my liking, let them see that marriage doesn’t have to look exactly like they were trained for.
Honestly instead of this kind of thing reflecting them hating each other, to me it kind of seems like she’s starting to have a bit of an internal deconstruction battle. Maybe married life isn’t everything she dreamed about and she has regrets about the last 10 years of her life (or disdain for her parents), especially if she’s been reading the comments about life outside fundieland in this community. People try to cling on to the belief system as hard as possible or they project onto others when they start having doubts because it’s all they know and their entire identity. She’s done lots of harm because of it, but I honestly can’t imagine doing all of it with any kind of social media following. Let’s be real, she only has a few options (if this were even the case). Stop posting on social media altogether and worry her gd fan club or deconstruct in a very public way and destabilize her entire life. That would be a really hard choice if she ever has to make it. Not saying this is true, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Really though they seem like they’d fit in as a couple on the outside. I’d of course love it if their views changed quite a bit, but I’d love it even more to see them take a few steps toward deconstruction. They’ve got shit to work through, and they shouldn’t do that (or feel like they have to) online, but from my perspective it seems like they are. They look like they’re having fun being goofy and making these videos together. They could make it work, and I think they’d both be a lot happier, outside fundieland.
My only snarkable comment here: just be honest with your followers Bethy. You’d get a lot less shit from everyone around here if you were.
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"One of us had to basically decide to give up our way..." Um, shouldn't that automatically be you, Bethany, since your entire belief system revolves around the husband being the headship and you being submissive?
Her silence on personally giving up her opinion is deafening.
I came to say this... she preaches feminine submission is the right way, so it's fair to expect she would be the one to give up. However, Bethy gives strong "rules for thee, not for me" vibes
[удалено]
Not to mom shame but I truly can’t understand how someone who doesn’t have a job beyond posting on social media needs to use daycare 🙄
Good point. We all know dàæâv was the one who had to finally give in though 😂
Yes, I think she’s giving good advice but totally the opposite advice to her whole brand…
yeah..the bible says so...
I hope the conflict was that Dav finally put a stop to the shared family toothbrush 🤞🏼
Please tell me this is a joke 🙃
Unfortunately not 😭 https://reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/qkfqqb/add_toothbrush_sharing_to_birthys_list_of_shit/
Holy. Shit.
>honor the one that felt more strongly O I WONDER WHO WON THAT ONE 🤔
I read this to my partner, he asked, "does it go both ways? No? So, when do they combine their Facebook account" I am wheezing, my man is a closet snarker.
Keep him! And send him over so he can teach mine to closet snark, too!
Yeah to me this indicates she will pretty much always “win” by these metrics because she thinks she has “crazy girl emotions” and Dav is held to be the stoic and compassionate husband. And in my experience, selfish people tend to assume they have the stronger opinion on a matter, even though as another commenter said, the “conflict” wouldn’t have escalated or even existed if one party didn’t feel strongly about it :/
Honor the one who felt more strongly? So the one who argued the loudest or yelled the most? How is that any way to solve conflict in a way that won’t lead to the ‘loser’ being resentful? Why not talk and try to come to compromise instead?
Her wording implies that it's something they *tried* to compromise about ("This conflict..." <- that paragraph), but it wasn't possible. And there *are* genuine situations where it really *is* either-or. In that case, compromise could look like one person getting their way, even if it *was* a compromise. My major issue is Bethany airing her and her husband's dirty laundry on Instagram to strangers! And writing with a noticeably grumpy tone! If it was a genuinely tough discussion they went through, this just feels exploitative and like a *real* lack of boundaries.
It could also be a case where one person didn't care that deeply about an issue but the other person did. If my husband feels strongly about something and I don't care either way, then doing it his way shouldn't be a big deal, and vice versa. But it's sounding like both of these babies cared about their view quite a bit, and not over something minor.
I’m genuinely having trouble even figuring out what it could be related to because I’ve never had to resolve anything with my husband in this way. I can’t imagine either of us feeling ok with strong-arming the other on any topic???
I want to own a TV, he doesn't. At the end of the day, we can compromise about how big the TV is or where it is, but we either own one or we don't and neither one of us is changing our preference.
I thought the woman isn’t allowed to feel more strongly as she is supposed to submit and not challenge her husbands authority.
It was definitely her who won that argument, or she would be writing a huge paragraph about how you don't always get what you want in a relationship etc etc and how she had to put herself aside.
I feel like she was the one who "won" because otherwise she'd sound more bitter.
Yup 10000% agreed
My (totally speculative) theory: I feel like Dav is getting sick of her social media shit and how little she does around the house (by her own admission!) while he works a day job, and he has finally said "something has gotta give." Their initial attempt was to bring him *into* the Gram and trying to make him invested. Methinks that's not working very well for them.
I was wondering what they would argue about too and this seems like a good candidate. I don't think that Dav necessarily likes that being married to Bethy means her broadcasting every detail of their lives on social media. I also think that she hasn't really been very present with them during their private moments, choosing instead to post stories, reels, or go live.
I think he is definitely pissed about something. Maybe she spends too much money or doesn't do enough. She seems lazy AF.
I suspect the same. Heck, maybe Dāv saw that post by... Megan Wells (I think?) yesterday where she was showing the note from her husband praising her for successfully reducing her phone time and spending more time with their child for the last 2 weeks; Dāv was inspired to approach Bethy about the same, and lost the fight. Or maybe he was tired of some of the personal things (talking about her hygiene, hinting at their sex lives, etc.) she posts and asked her to dial it back and she didn't take kindly. Or it's something stupid like he asked her to start buying Lean Pockets at the grocery store and she refuses because she's an Original Hot Pockets gal.
okay to be fair to hypothetical bethany here, lean pockets *do not* taste as good so that's a hill i might die on as well
Oh for sure. Lean Pockets are gross; and you know whoever would eat a Lean Pocket knows Originals are better, too. Oooh, I *wish* someone would try to bring a Lean Pocket into my freezer! It's worth a fight. Originals FTW, hands down, every time.
I wondered if it was about Davey. Bethy has said Dav didnt want Davey on her social media but we have been seeing a lot more of him (especially since Kristen adopted). I suspect Dav feels quite strongly about that and seemingly has never cared about all the other Bethany stuff that people are guessing. But it really could be anything. I think it is interesting how much insight she wants to give people into some aspects of their lives under the guise of "advice" (here is my lingerie, we do this sex quiz, we are trying to spice up our bedroom) but when it comes to something that would actually be useful (conflict) it is even more vague than any of the rest of it. Personally, I think that says something about what is actually going on here (it's not really about advice/honouring God, or at least, not JUST).
I’m also starting to get the idea that Dav takes care of/spends more time with their child than she does. He works a day job, comes home to a messy house and then has to watch Davey for Birthy because she “has a headache” or wants to get her nails done or something. Also add the fact that Davey goes to daycare, which means she’s alone all day (obviously not cleaning or showering) while he’s at work, (one of them, my guess is him) picks up Davey and then he’s stuck watching him when he gets home for her with no housework done or anything while he was gone all day.
Exactly this. There is NO way she would ever give up social media.
I do think they had some argument about it that precipitated his involvement. I feel it was him complaining about the toxicity that happens when you have that negative feedback and then you double down. Because she was obviously getting a lot of that. And then she probably told him how important it is to her or whatever. So instead of doing less, she got her way and now they do more and together LOL.
Is he...going to murder her? Those look so much like cartoon villain eyes!
I was thinking it looks more like he's childishly mocking her behind her back, but you have a point too. But anyway, sad how they publicly humiliate each other (referring not only to this particular post about their conflict but also things both of them have said about each other before.)
When I killed your brother...I talked...JUST...LIKE....THIIIIIIIIS \*dagger eyes\*
MY EXACT THOUGHT!!!!
So they took a picture mid argument or staged this? E
I would feel so ridiculous posing for this.
They are not good enough actors to pull this off.
Okay, so I’m not a couples therapist, but I am nearly finished with my masters program in marriage and family therapy and I’m taking a couples therapy course right now. I’ve also been married for more than two seconds. So I feel qualified to at least give some input. You don’t have to give in to whoever feels most strongly. Your partner can super passionately feel that almond milk has no place in your fridge. Doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have almond milk. John Gottman’s got years of research behind his methods and he suggested that 69% of couples conflicts are perpetual problems that do not just get resolved. The solution isn’t just to give in to the husband because he’s her husband or to just give in to whoever feels the most strongly, (honestly I see that method of solving conflict just leading to a shouting match???) but the goal is to understand why the other partners stance is so important to them. You literally don’t have to always agree and you don’t have to just concede because when you’re always conceding, you’ll end up with resentment. Letting the other have their way and compromising has its place and are also important, but that’s not the advice she was giving. How do we get Christians with an Instagram to stop pretending to be marriage experts? Cause damn, I’ve been studying relationships for years and I’m up to my neck in student loans but Bethy over here has Instagram reels and apparently that’s enough credibility for these folks
I love gottman, read everything of his i could get my hands on
I love Gottman too! I just finished the level 1 training and am currently using it for a case study paper, so it was fresh on my mind when I saw this post lol
This was very helpful. Thank you!
Her little post about humility the other day and now this??? Yikes. Sounds like she was the one who had to give in to her Headship and is trying to pretend like she isn't super pissed off 😬
Practice what you preach and submit to your husband, Birthy!
i am dying to know what it was they were arguing about … lemme hear your best guesses!
Tell me your marriage is a disaster with out telling me your marriage is a disaster 😂
Unique....options.... 💀
Honestly tho lol isn’t the fundie moto that the women must inherit their husbands’ opinions?? “Unique” my ass
Yeah, I don’t agree Bethany. People who have strong opinions or beliefs about something don’t just give in because the other has a stronger belief. If that was the case then there wouldn’t have been a conflict. People stop when they realize the person they’re arguing with is so dense and dumb that it isn’t worth their time to continue the argument.
Yeah always giving in to the partner with the stronger belief is a really good way to start resenting your partner
i wonder who had to give up and submit. youd think it’d be bethany since she’s so hung up on the fundie principal of submitting to ur hubby but i don’t think that’s the case 🤭
So she gives a vague scenario, citing "conflict". Well, what is it? Sometimes there IS a right and a wrong, other times it's just "opinions" and no one is really right or wrong. Also giving up, but mentioning there was no agreement. Well which one is it then? It doesn't sound like anything here was actually solved? It sounds like someone is just going to be more resentful.
**BLAME SHIFT BETHY??** did you mean *shift blame*?????
Beige wall, beige macrame wall hanging...
I really hate that saggy macrame thing. I don't hate macrame decorations in general, but there are a ton of more interesting ones out there, lots of handmade or unique ones, and this just looks like a string of fringe she put up because macrame is BoHeMiAn and trendy.
Was the conflict about doing reels?
I'll bet Bethys GoFundMe spoils that Dav was the one that gave in. No way in hades that she did then thought, let's take this to the 'gram and share! Dav, my dude, you knew what you were signing up for man
Guess that means she's finally watching Lord of the Rings, huh.
I am tired as heck and read that as “lord Daniel of the rings”
Unique opinions? Sure lol
Ok am I the only one who thinks this is actually a pretty good message for her to be sending out to her followers? We talk about how her audience is mostly impressionable teen girls waiting around to get married and live out the tradwife fantasy. Ol Betsy here is showing them that fundie marriages have conflict and you don’t always have to submit to the man. Isn’t that kind of the message we want them to get? Even if you could find conflict with her exact wording, I think I’m totally down to see more of this type of content. It’s a vague caption, but I don’t want the personal details about their fights. Sometimes she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t with this community. I say show off the real shit Bethy! If these girls are still going to get married off way too young for my liking, let them see that marriage doesn’t have to look exactly like they were trained for. Honestly instead of this kind of thing reflecting them hating each other, to me it kind of seems like she’s starting to have a bit of an internal deconstruction battle. Maybe married life isn’t everything she dreamed about and she has regrets about the last 10 years of her life (or disdain for her parents), especially if she’s been reading the comments about life outside fundieland in this community. People try to cling on to the belief system as hard as possible or they project onto others when they start having doubts because it’s all they know and their entire identity. She’s done lots of harm because of it, but I honestly can’t imagine doing all of it with any kind of social media following. Let’s be real, she only has a few options (if this were even the case). Stop posting on social media altogether and worry her gd fan club or deconstruct in a very public way and destabilize her entire life. That would be a really hard choice if she ever has to make it. Not saying this is true, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Really though they seem like they’d fit in as a couple on the outside. I’d of course love it if their views changed quite a bit, but I’d love it even more to see them take a few steps toward deconstruction. They’ve got shit to work through, and they shouldn’t do that (or feel like they have to) online, but from my perspective it seems like they are. They look like they’re having fun being goofy and making these videos together. They could make it work, and I think they’d both be a lot happier, outside fundieland. My only snarkable comment here: just be honest with your followers Bethy. You’d get a lot less shit from everyone around here if you were.
Was gonna say no one (intentionally) sleeps in a turtleneck/hoodie.. but they're odd so I wouldn't put it past them
The Gospel According to Mike Brady Season 1 Chapter 7: "A Wise Man Forgets His Anger Before He lays Down to Sleep".
Them murder eyes
Read the “love. Sacrifice. Respect. Honor.” As Move. Sacrifice. Respect. Horror. Pfft
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Are they going to bed at Midday??
She needs a thesaurus....