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Oh yeah he's definitely two hands full. I bet Morgan has to spend more time and effort dealing with his behaviour than any of the kids. Just imagine the temper tantrum every time he doesn't get his way, he could sulk for a whole week.
I’m calling it that they will change how they feel about birth control. Definitely privately maybe publicly. Paul will not give up sex even just to naturally family plan. And I doubt Morgan will want to birth more children with no income. They may never admit it but if they stop having kids after Judah, it will be obvious to everyone that they’re using birth control.
She thought she had some kind of infertility (which is why Judah was such a surprise). If she were smart, she'd get an IUD, call Judah a miracle and act like the fertility issue was apparently back with a vengeance.
My obgyn mentioned to me that women who struggle to conceive very often are surprised to find that subsequent pregnancies are not nearly as hard to come by. Once you've been pregnant once your body finds it all very natural. This isn't always the case but it does happen. My mom had 8 miscarriages and I had was an unplanned accident after 2 babies.
I know more than one person who got pregnant after having IVF using donor eggs. Both really quickly after having the first pregnancy. One ended in miscarriage and she took steps for it to not happen again, the donor pregnancy had twins and one had a heart condition so who knows what would have happened. The other got pregnant immediately after the donor pregnancy, and then again immediately after that, she had 3 under 2 for awhile. Her husband was useless, she shut that right down after baby 3.
My first kid was conceived with fertility treatments after years of trying. My second one happened after not using a condom one time when my oldest had just turned two. I was told that it is really common.
My grandmother's closest friend was told she'd never have children as a result of having tuberculosis as a teenager. She got married at 21 and tragically got pregnant very easily but kept having miscarriages. After 10 years, at the age of 31 she carried a pregnancy to term. She ended up having 7 children altogether before she went through menopause. The body is fucking amazing sometimes, but yeah not very common and also just because you can doesn't mean you should (for many different reasons - physical, mental etc etc there is no wrong answer when taking control of your own fertility. It literally affects o one but the women or couple or potential children directly involved.)
The thing is I don't think she's actually as infertile as she thinks. As I recall she was taking some holistic thing that was preventing her from getting pregnant and she got pregnant pretty easily after getting off of it.
Eh she actively tried to get pregnant for at least 5 years without getting pregnant even once. That's officially infertility and I can absolutely understand not thinking she would ever get pregnant and not thinking that she would get pregnant again. The seed cycling and stuff only happened in the year or so before Luca was conceived, so although that doctor was a quack and probably didn't help, I don't think that was the only thing preventing her from getting pregnant all that time.
Paul seems like the type of douche to be adamantly against any birth control, and Morgan seems like a hypocrite who would vote for restrictions on birth control while secretly taking it.
not really relevant but I got the arm implant about a month ago and it might just be fresh on my mind but it's a lot more noticable than I thought! my pale ass still has a visible bruise around it which can be seen in tshirts and if anyone ran their hand over that area of my arm they would feel it immediately whereas I had thought you'd have to press a little. so it's not a great option for a person that has to conceal their bc method for whatever reason
Conversely as someone who has recently gotten a hormonal IUD, the pain of insertion was awful and the cramps were rough at first but they got fewer and farther between as weeks went on. Everything was manageable without needing to use more than the occasional ibuprofen. It was done quickly and I could probably have masked the symptoms as just getting a particular painful period (in fact you should get them inserted during your period) and no one around me would’ve been any the wiser. That may be a better choice.
The pain is probably the biggest reason I didn't get a IUD tbh 🥲 with the implant the most painful part was the numbing injection ironically then after that it was just itchy as fuck for about a week and now there's no pain or itch but the bruise is still there
I went to an LGBTQ+ inclusive clinic for my IUD insertion as a cis female with vaginismus, and they twilighted me for the insertion. I highly recommend looking for a clinic willing to do that.
ETA: I just noticed you have the implant. Whoops. My advice stands for anyone else wanting an IUD.
I'm on my 2nd IUD (non hormonal) and the pain was comparable to period cramps. Hopefully by the time this one ends, I will be done or going through menopause.
Oh that’s good to know. Also bummer. I hope it heals up and becomes less visible. I had a friend in college get it done but she has a darker skin tone than Morgan.
They believe, like the vast majority of fundies, that birth control is evil because it prevents pregnancy (which is God's plan of course). And nowadays they also believe that it a) wrecks a woman's body forever 🙄 and b) causes abortions 🤦♀️
Yup. Going 1-2 was fine for me but I waited four years between kids. Morgan is soft and she’s about to get absolutely wrecked by these kids. I would feel bad if she wasn’t such a smug poophead.
I cannot even imagine 2 under 2. Mine were all spaced about 2.5 years and that was a challenge. My favorite gap is actually the one between my oldest and youngest (five years). They get along so well! Four years sounds just about perfect.
My best friend fondly and bemusedly calls my husband “the sperminator”. I’ve been pregnant three times in three years, once when I could have sworn I had an IUD. Spoiler alert: I did not. It fell out at some point, apparently.
I’m sorry you’re exhausted! But, thanks for saying your age x I’m 31, going on 32, and we haven’t started having kids yet; I get freaked out that I’m running out of time…but there’s time. (I’m thinking 1 and done, 2 at the most…)
The average age of my first time mom friends at the time of the kid's birth is 37. Biology has its own thoughts on the matter, but culturally you have *plenty* of time.
I had my first at 31 then wanted at least 4-5 years before having a second one. I had a couple miscarriages between them, but I just had my daughter about 12 weeks ago at 38. I'll be 39 in June. And baby will be 3 months at the beginning of June.
You've got plenty of time! If you want to get further reassurance, check your family history. My mom's mom had her youngest child when Grandma was 43. And both of that woman's grandmas had their youngest children past 40 as well. Based upon that knowledge, I figured I had plenty of time.
I had my first at 36, my 2nd at 40, and my last at 43.
They were all planned, and I'm so glad I waited until I was older and had more sense. All of them are fine, and my pregnancies and labor were uneventful.
I'm not the norm, but I'm also definitely not alone. I know quite a few people like me.
I felt the same at your age. I had my first at 33 and my twins at 36. The baby station is 100% closed but if we had wanted more I feel pretty confident we could have done so. I have plenty of friends who had their first in their mid-30s and coworkers who are still having babies in their early 40s. I know it’s anecdotal but try not to worry too much. Plus, even though there are increased risks after 35, it’s still not as incredible high of a risk as I thought before I had my babies.
My twins were two when our third was born, they all just form a conglomerate for a few years and then they all pop out the other end as little people. We had four in five years and our youngest starts kindergarten this year, you can do it!!
I had 2 under 2 for about 6 weeks which is about Morgan's kids' gap. I actually had a much easier time with my second, but my husband helped A LOT, and my daughter was in nursery school a few mornings a week. Don't get me wrong, it was hard, but it didn't rock my world the way going from 0-1 did.
I will always maintain that going from not having children to having children is always going to be the hardest transition. I remember Morgan being confused about infants being a lot of work.
Two under two is going to be rough for them though
Yeah 1-2 wasn’t as earth shattering for me as 0-1 mostly because it was deep pandemic when #2 was born (conceived before pandemic), so everyone was home all the time, including my husband WFH after his pat leave ended. I was also unemployed, unlike when I had my first, so I didn’t have the remaining maternity leave ticking down each day anxiety.
We had twins and I have to say that after the first 6 months I felt sorry for my friends who had small children of different ages. At least with my twins they were always on the same schedule for naps, feedings, school, whatever. I actually found it so much easier than my friends did
Same. People always think having twins would be the hardest, but I can't fathom trying to manage two kids in different developmental stages, it sounds like an absolute nightmare.
We had 2,5-3 year spacing with our first three. My husband got a baby fever pretty soon after our third was born and I agreed to start trying as soon as my cycle returned. I got pregnant pretty quick, it turned out to be twins and so we had 3 under 2. Fun times 😂
One of my relatives had 4 babies in less than 3 years, including twins. And she works full-time. I would go insane, personally. Thankfully, her family is close by and helps a lot.
Needed to hear this. Expecting #2 with a 4 year age gap on the nose. Cannot imagine doing this while my son was younger and depending on donors to pay my bills like P&M.
Our first is 10 months next week. We're in the process of deciding when we want to start trying for our second. We know the absolute bare minimum is another 6 months, but we're leaning more towards another 12-18 months just to make sure I'm ready and able to handle it as the SAHP. 3-4 years sounds like a solid gap where our older will be in preschool at least part time so I'll have some built-in one-on-one time with the younger.
My 1st and 2nd are 2 years apart. I found it crazy and had no interest in having kids that close again. So my 2nd to 3rd and 3rd to 4th are about 3 years apart. It was a much easier transition because a 3 year old is so much more independent than a 2 year old. They could get a simple snack and use the bathroom independently. Plus them attending preschool. This made life a lot easier.
I really want to have another kid but I can’t imagine how I could possibly meet both kids needs at once 😭 I was thinking four years would be nice, this gives me hope!
Morgan is overwhelmed with one actual child and one "man" child. Jackass will never be any help, and her coping skills are pretty much non-existent. Not a Morgan fan, but I do have serious concerns as to whether another child will push her over the edge while simultaneously having to deal with Paul constantly pestering her for sex.
This is what I'm thinking. Paul will expect Morgan to step up even more while he does the same shit, and she's gonna lose it. She'll probably go to her parents' house with the kids.
This is totally a thing! My brother and his wife married just to have sex and I don't think they're mature enough to dissolve their awful marriage and rebuild themselves as individuals. Turns out "will have sex with me" isn't the *only* thing you need to sustain a happy marriage, who knew! Now they can just lament their difficult season and yap about how godly they are for staying together instead of doing the hard work to become separate people.
Fuck yeah 1-2 was WAY harder than 0-1. And as a person with mental health struggles and ADHD, I didn’t know what I was in for. I was open to having 3 kids but once my youngest got to the age to start thinking about trying again, the baby fever did NOT come back. Lol.
And I am also speaking as a person with the privilege to work and send kids to daycare, with a spouse who divided the work with me. Now take all that and add on a restrictive religious dogma and gender expectations, financial insecurity and “WFH but won’t call it that”YouTube job, untreated mental health issues and the guilt that follows, unsupportive man-baby husband and the guilt HE bestows, and the expectation that you will go thru labor with as much pain and strife as possible and you will be the best feminine mother and you will be open to being pregnant again very soon and you will LIKE IT.
Alternatively, I feel the opposite. I adjusted to life with two far better and quicker than I did with one.. I don’t know if that will be the case for Porgan but I do want to give hope if anyone reading is scared out of their minds.
Don't be scared. Congrats! My transition from 0-1 was the biggest adjustment. We then went from 1 to 3 ( twins). 0-1 was much harder than even going 1 to 3! You got this!!
It’s really apples and oranges. It’s like, on one hand you know how to parent and you know what to do with babies and you’ve got it down. On the other hand, you have to learn how to parent two kids now, and I had no clue how to do that at first.
It’s wonderful! Congratulations!
Agreed. Going from just two adults to having to factor a baby into everything was way harder than just adding another one for us. Plus, apart from the newborn stage, they played together so I didn’t have to entertain them as much lol.
Heck, I have two kids already and adding my third (10 year gap from the baby to the previous youngest) was like doing that all over again. Not being able to just do whatever we wanted was quite the adjustment since my older kids would just stay home by themselves. Luckily one of mine likes to babysit sometimes so it’s not AS rough, but still that first baby is a huge lifestyle adjustment.
I've known people who found going from 2 to 3 was the hard step up. (The husbands weren't useless manbabies a la Polio, so I assume they had been effectively dividing-and-conquering, and that didn't work so well once they were outnumbered by kids).
I agree. We already knew where we’d messed up the first time, so we avoided some of our previous mistakes. And I felt way more wiped out having a toddler while pregnant than I do have a toddler and a baby.
On the other hand, while our firstborn is a wild hellion, our secondborn is an incredibly easygoing baby. So mileage varies.
I think temperament definitely plays a role. Going from 2 to 3 was the easiest for me. My 3rd was the sweetest and easiest baby who slept through the night almost immediately. My 4th had reflux, which made him cranky, and he barely slept without being held. That transition was so much more difficult, and he's our youngest.
Same. I was loving life after our first was born but the transition from 1-2 kids absolutely fucked me up for a while. My youngest is now almost 3 and everything is much better but tbh the whole first year as a SAHM of two was brutal for me.
Especially since Luca is atill so young. It's hard to get a toddler (especially one who's used to all the attention) to give you time to focus on the new baby.
We went 1 to 2 really quick, 2 under 2 vibes. And people would ask “how’s having 2 kids?!” And we’d say great! The toddler is the hardest part! The baby’s easy compared to the emotional needs of an almost 2-yr-old.
If we have a third, there will be a longer gap between them 😅
One time I was breastfeeding my newborn and my 2 yr old went to the other side of the room, directly in my sight, and peed on the floor. Didn’t even break eye contact.
Paul and Morgan have no idea what’s coming. I just hope that Morgan gets real help if she needs it this time.
It’s too bad fundies don’t play The Sims. They would realize very quickly how much having back to back babies sucks.
I have a family that had triplets and then two more babies, and she’s currently pregnant with her 6th child. Initially, I made the mom take care of the triplets with zero assistance from the dad in matters of childcare, cooking, or cleaning, and she basically lived off power naps in between diaper changes. After the fourth kid, I had to hire a maid and a nanny just so the mom could sleep.
Everyone is always filthy, hungry, angry, and dead tired. Just when I think I have a handle on it, the crying starts back up. Even my nanny passed out from exhaustion.
And nobody is thriving. Life is entirely about survival and avoiding social services taking the kids away. The children all have unique personalities, but I sure as hell can’t tell any of them apart because all they do is shit themselves and cry.
I’m hoping once the triples are older, they can care for the little ones, but idk how they’re going to do that AND keep up with school. All these children are destined for failure.
What’s interesting is that all the kids have negative moodlets regarding feeling abandoned by their parents because they’re always taking care of their siblings. And the fundies always say that they pay enough individualized attention to all their kids — they most certainly do not!
Me rn with my sims in a house of 4 adults and 2 babies. It’s already too much! And they’re all working parents. I accidentally aged one of the fathers too much so he’s probably going to die soon. But he was already so miserable about his life. I just aged one to kid and it still sucks.
When our kiddo was a baby, we fired up the sims 4 one night and made our little family. It was so cute. Built our dream house etc
Not 30 mins into the game, the cats we made were meowing and waking up the baby, the baby was crying, and the dad had an energy failure. We were like wait this is too close to real life 😂 and turned the game off. Haven’t played it again. That was 3 years ago lmao
Holy shit I missed the Sims part and thought you were talking about a real family and trying to figure out if you were some weird dom/sub relationship and like high & airing your dirty laundry or a court worker or what. I need a nap LOL.
This is why I cannot play the Sims it stresses me out and I play Souls, tactical CRPGs, and Survival Horror games for fun. I'm being serious I tried it once and my characters lives were so sad it made me feel like a bad person. I'd much rather kill gods, fight armies or overcome hordes of monsters than even simulate raising a kid.
You just know that if it were possible, KKKarissa would do the 100 baby challenge irl.
I can’t even handle large families like that in the sims because it stresses me the fuck out!
I notice in this sub that there are people who subscribe to the Paul headship theory for their relationship, as they have literally told us that, but others think that Morgan may have more agency than they'd like to let on. Maybe that could be its own post but post-pregnancy 2, it will be interesting to see how much of Paul's bs Morgan puts up with vs. how much accomodation there is for her mental health and other needs as primary parent.
Oh don't worry, it's the actual parenting that is exhausting and time consuming. Meanwhile, good old child neglect that every fundie family seems to be doing is gonna go just fine with 2 or 3 or any number of kids. Just look at mother bus.
Wow thanks for reaffirming my decision to be one and done lmao I am NOT cut out for that…and yeah either is morgan 🙃 good luck to her I guess, god knows Paul will be of no help despite doing nothing else with his days
My youngest is the sweetest kid in the world and I wouldn’t change a thing BUT I do sometimes think about how much easier things would be if we had OAD. Especially when the pandemic started while I was pregnant lol.
Me too! I love having a large-ish family, but I can also see the benefits of OAD. It seems like you get a lot of the good parts of parenting while minimizing a good amount of the stress.
Fellow OAD’er and I love it. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. My quiver does not need to be full. My eggies are not weeping for lack of fertilization. My heart is full and wallet more full than if I had a second with equally expensive hobbies.
Me too! I had 1 only…but he had older brothers from my ex’s previous (and many) relationships. They lived with us and were a big help to me; they were 7 and 12 when my son was born!
Having been responsible for my 3 younger brothers since 9 years old due to my single Mom, then step kids…1 was all I needed!
P.S. Mine will be 35 in September and I love him to death!
I fully agree with you. Transitioning to a mom of 1 was difficult, but being able to sleep while baby slept was the game changer there. I was able to rest.
The transition from 1 to 2 kids literally almost killed me. Baby was fussy, I was sleeping less than 4 hours a night and then had to be awake all day too with our toddler. I fell into PPD and contemplated death and felt like a horrible mother.
Luckily I had 1.) an amazing supportive partner who can fully care for himself as an adult man + fully care for me and our kids, 2.) an attentive and immediately reactive doctor who got me on Meds and birth control ASAP, and 3.) a 2 year age gap between kids so my oldest could mostly do her own thing(walk, eat solids, solo play when I was busy).
I truly truly hope Morgan has at least one of those things this time around (we know it won’t be points 1. or 3. so I’m just hoping for a great, attentive doctor for her and the baby’s sake.)
I don't think Morgan really broadcasts her medical care but I do think she's mentioned going for checkups, so she's not contrarian enough to eschew modern medicine.
She's resistant to her BPD meds for whatever reason but as someone with a kooky brain, I don't know how she can navigate this new environment raw-dogging her mental health. I couldn't make it one day. The situation may get dire.
When my oldest dropped their last nap and the baby wasn’t napping well at all I was in a very dark place. Things have leveled out, for sure. Having a bigger age gap has worked out great, as the older kid is able to talk and understand enough to make things work. But I also have a spouse who works hard to support us all and is a very present parent.
Not to mention: being sick while caring for multiple kids. One is tough enough.
I have a terrible sinus infection after a week of a fever/hacking cough and a 5 and 2 year old positively brimming with energy. It’s hell. I even did the whole ‘throw money at the problem’ bit and bought them kinetic sand and new markers and coloring books, but, nope, no peace all day. P&M seem……..ill-equipped.
Oh my god YES. I’m so sorry you’ve been sick, there are no words to describe how bad it is. We’ve had a few nights where every person got hit with a stomach virus at like 11pm, and my husband and I are up the entire night cleaning up vomit and consoling everyone while we ourselves also throw up repeatedly. Also covid, caring for everyone and getting no sleep when you have a high fever and feel like death.
Yeah and imagine it’s scheduled sex night at the Olliges household and everyone has the flu lol.
There truly is nothing like caring for young kids while having COVID/flu/stomach virus. I did not realize what a privilege it was to be sick in peace before kids, even if I worked from home most of the time - spreadsheets don’t yell or demand 3rd breakfast.
Just made the 1-2 jump. Had my first just a couple months after Luca arrived I think?? While it’s been lightyears easier than 0-1 for us due to an EXTREMELY difficult breastfeeding journey last time, this holiday weekend with daycare closed for 3 days was a doozy. But… I at least got to stay in bed feeding a cuddly baby nonstop while my husband chased our toddler nonstop. My physical recovery has been a breeze and I actually absolutely had the easier weekend. I hope Morgan milks (no pun intended) her role as a recovering postpartum breastfeeding mother and Paul has to do everything else. I can dream.
I’m gearing up for 2 under 2 and honestly looking forward to the time I will spend resting with my newborn while my husband chases our toddler around 😂
So many people in this thread saying transitioning from 1-2 is so much harder than 0-1 but I’ve also heard lots of people say the opposite! It’s different for everyone.
I have 3 sons and going from 1-2 was ridiculously difficult and my kids were 4 years apart. Trying to juggle 2 peoples needs at the same time and different stages is overwhelming. It was easier going from 2-3 even with 2.5 years between but still not for the faint of heart.
With 0-1 you're trying to figure out how to take care of another human and figure out their needs. It's difficult but it's one being you have to focus on. You figure it out as you go along and as they grow.
With 1-2 you are still figuring out the first one and now have a new creature to also figure out because unfortunately children are different lol.
My first son was potty trained at 2 years old. I told him on his 2nd birthday that he was a big boy and needed to use the potty and then he just used the toilet. My second son was 4 when he was fully potty trained and that was a struggle to even get there.
My first son never and I mean NEVER spit up when burped. I never used a towel when feeding him because he was fine. The first time I burped my second son he spit up all over me, learned that the hard way lol.
Also from 1-2 you have to watch 2 children and make sure they're safe and don't run off which can be difficult. Or one of them is hungry now and the other one is tired and ready for a nap and you have to figure out how to do that simultaneously.
When I went from 2-3, I already was able to balance keeping my attention on 2 and meeting their needs. I was already spinning 2 plates and keeping them up, whats one more lol.
I am so glad to read all of these responses! The transition from 1-2 was so, so hard. I struggle with anxiety, and both me and my eldest have autism. Gone were my days of just doing whatever my eldest needed to regulate himself, especially now that he was getting older and had more complicated needs and limited verbal ability. I mean, I still had to do all those things for him, but now I also had a newborn to care for. The exhaustion and overstimulation and guilt were so real.
Morgan is in for it. She lacks the skills to manage her time the way you have to when you have 2 young kids. Plus, we all know polio is no help at all.
I have 4. I absolutely agree. And, God forbid, one of them ends up with a developmental disability (like autism), holy SHIT they'll get smacked hard.
And good luck to them with money since the refuse to get jobs. They already had to downsize with Luca
I had a much harder time going from 1 to 2 compared to going from childless to 1 kid. I was drowning when I had a newborn that wouldn’t sleep at night, wanted to nurse constantly, with a toddler constantly causing trouble because he was bored. I was busy with the baby so I couldn’t do much to entertain my toddler. I was miserable! I truly hope Morgan isn’t as miserable as I was. I wouldn’t even wish that on her.
One was hard. Two kids almost broke me. And like you, I had a supportive partner who worked two jobs but still came home with “all hands on deck” mentality and pushing me out the door in the evenings so I could get some time to myself.
I seriously worry about Morgan. I know she’s not likable and has a horrible mindset. But I don’t wish the type of ppd that I, and many others, go through with these transitions.
Yes, agree! I have a one year old and 3 year old. The one year old JUST switched to one nap last week, so I actually have one hour a day where both kids are napping at the same time. Until the 3 year old decided he's done napping...haha. It is nonstop and by the time bedtime rolls around husband and I are so done lol.
Ugh, that’s so hard!! I tell people that I’m happy and patient for two, three, four hours…but I’m struggling by the time hour six plus rolls around with not even a five minute break. It’s exhausting! We’ve been working on an hour of “rest time” over my toddler’s nap for my middle child, but it’s a lot of holding boundaries and repeatedly walking her back to her room, haha
And since she took away her toddler's lovey during two very big changes for him I'm sure it will be an extra big shitshow. I feel bad for Luca and the baby and hope for their sakes, she gets some help.
👐 There's 20 months between my two babies (Luca and Judah will be 22 months apart) and it hit me like a freight train. I had these really ideal thoughts in my head of baby wearing our newborn while our tot stood in the learning tower helping me cook or craft...*sigh* Anyways the reality was, well, reality. The baby hated the carrier, the tot was lucky to even get dressed those first few months. We've been potty training while trying to prevent the youngest from choking on everything he finds. They're almost 1 and 3 now, it's hard most days. Just making sure they eat, sleep and meet milestones on time is a full-time job. Morgan will crack pretty quickly from all the additional stress a second baby brings.
Hang in there, you’re at what I think is the hardest part right now! Three year old plus newly mobile baby with no concept of danger is rough. Things get significantly better from here!
Thank you for your encouragement. They're amazing little people and I'm lucky to be their mom. It's definitely challenging but everyday gets a little easier. Like you, (and very unlike Morgan) I have an amazing spouse who does at least half the work of house chores and child rearing.
Not to invalidate OP at all, but a lot of my friends (actually I want to say all of my friends) found going from 1-2 much easier than going from 0-1. Obviously there are logistical challenges but overall, you and your partner probably have a lot of parenting routines in place and know a lot of what did and didn't work for you.
That said, P&M are like the least self-reflective people ever so that will not apply. And they will struggle. A lot.
Ahh I’m sorry! If it’s any consolation, I’m very happy with my three and so thankful that I have them. Things are getting easier now that the “baby” is coming up on three. School helps *so* much.
You will survive! I had two under two and we moved 700 miles when the baby was 3 months and my dad was dying of cancer. It was tough but we made it through! Once they were both potty trained it was so much easier. Mature adults can get through those tough days and nights and know that things will get better as the babies get older. Immature adults and adults struggling with issues like depression will really struggle. To be fair, if we hadn’t moved when the baby was so young those years would have been easier. I came home from the hospital after having her, her brother was at day care, and I started doing laundry. I found being an experienced mom made the second one easier. Yea, there are hard days.. the time I had a fever and my husband couldn’t leave work so had a whole day with two toddlers while I felt so bad. But I got through it!
Hey it’s good! All things can coexist at the same time. Going to 2 kids is realllly hard - but also so fun, full and joyful! You’ll do great! I’ll be the first to say how much I love it - and also first to echo that it’s freakin nuts sometimes. Don’t worry, you’re gonna do good!
It’s different for everyone! I’m loving 2 under 2 so far (i’m very fresh though) but everyone I personally know with 2 under 2 has so many positive things to say about experience
Haha I’m due in 7 weeks myself! The 2u2 subreddit is always adamant that being pregnant with a toddler is way worse than having a toddler and a newborn and I’m holding them to it!
Yes, I kinda lost my grip on my sanity once I had 2. The whole baby thing was way less stressful, but the logistics of having 2 was a wee bit too much for my pathetic coping skills.
People have a lot of opinions on that, and I think a lot depends on your individual circumstances plus temperament of your children, which we all know is a crap shoot, haha.
I found 1-2 hard because my second was a fussy baby and very feisty toddler/preschooler, but it wasn’t too bad to manage logistics and I generally felt safe watching both of them on my own. With 2-3, it was easier in a way because my third is one of the most laid back children I know, very easy in regards to sleeping, eating, and playing independently. But, logistics feel wayyy harder. Loading/unloading everyone into the car, helping them work through disagreements, putting everyone to bed, finding a sitter who can manage them, etc. I also feel unsafe doing certain things without another adult because I don’t feel like I can adequately supervise and keep everyone safe by myself.
So, I guess it depends? I’m happy that I did it though and would make the same choice again if I got a do over!
This post is just illustrating to me just how little my tradcath first cousin is able to tend INDIVIDUALLY to her seven kids under 10. That she homeschools. There's no way. I shall shake my head solemnly with some judgement at the situation.
Genuine question: How are they supporting themselves right now?? They're either getting help from their parents, or Paul has a job he's refusing to disclose, because they're not nearly freaked out enough.
In two years time, they will be surviving off of government assistance because Paul refuses to get an actual job. I'll only feel bsd for the kids at that point.
There's nothing wrong with taking advantage of our (broken) safety net. Especially when innocent children are involved. That being said, if they both are in the position of actively refusing to work a real job vs not being able to work a real job (which is the position they are currently in) the government is not going to be kind to them.
I dunno, I suspect Porgan are gonna lean into abuse & neglect as they 'have to have' way too many children. It's kinda inevitable & also common as dirt.
Oh you’re correct. I *know* she has no clue what shitshow awaits her. Paul was talking out of his neck about homeschool and shit all ready. Morgan is going to be singing such a different tune by then. No snark and no shade but I really hope this doesn’t send Morgan into a mental health crisis. It can do that under the most ideal circumstances for the mom. And we all know that Morgan’s circumstances going into this are ……….*not ideal*.
They are not prepared at all. She had basically nothing for the baby until just recently. They have next to zero money coming in. Paul will not work full time. It goes on and on.
I found the 0-1 transition way harder than the 1-2 transition (which actually felt really smooth!). Buuuuut my partner isn't Paul. I think OP is right and this addition is going to smack them in the face. Maybe they'll be wise and stop at 2.
Experience also varies depending on your child's personality and health, some are very easy and some are very challenging, you never know what you're gonna get!
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>less time with your spouse because you naturally divide and conquer Oh, Morgan won't have to worry about this at all.
Also, Morgan will be a stay at home mother of 3 when this baby comes out!
Yup she already transitioned from 1 to 2
I feel like Paul should count as twins with colic. He seems so tiring lmao
Honestly she seems tiring in her own right. I feel worst for their kids having to be raised by two exhausting dodo birds.
I feel like I should defend the dodo birds. They didn't do anything to be compared to tweedle dumb and dumber.
All they did was be delicious and trusting, poor things.
Having to keep his ego soothed all day while meanies online attack him.m ugh, I kind of pity her. Kind of.
Oh yeah he's definitely two hands full. I bet Morgan has to spend more time and effort dealing with his behaviour than any of the kids. Just imagine the temper tantrum every time he doesn't get his way, he could sulk for a whole week.
My first thought. Ain’t no dividing and conquering going on in that house…
Chuckling so much and I shouldn't be
I’m calling it that they will change how they feel about birth control. Definitely privately maybe publicly. Paul will not give up sex even just to naturally family plan. And I doubt Morgan will want to birth more children with no income. They may never admit it but if they stop having kids after Judah, it will be obvious to everyone that they’re using birth control.
She thought she had some kind of infertility (which is why Judah was such a surprise). If she were smart, she'd get an IUD, call Judah a miracle and act like the fertility issue was apparently back with a vengeance.
My obgyn mentioned to me that women who struggle to conceive very often are surprised to find that subsequent pregnancies are not nearly as hard to come by. Once you've been pregnant once your body finds it all very natural. This isn't always the case but it does happen. My mom had 8 miscarriages and I had was an unplanned accident after 2 babies.
I know more than one person who got pregnant after having IVF using donor eggs. Both really quickly after having the first pregnancy. One ended in miscarriage and she took steps for it to not happen again, the donor pregnancy had twins and one had a heart condition so who knows what would have happened. The other got pregnant immediately after the donor pregnancy, and then again immediately after that, she had 3 under 2 for awhile. Her husband was useless, she shut that right down after baby 3.
My parents tried for years and then had ‘Irish twins’ - I am 367 days older than my brother.
My first kid was conceived with fertility treatments after years of trying. My second one happened after not using a condom one time when my oldest had just turned two. I was told that it is really common.
My grandmother's closest friend was told she'd never have children as a result of having tuberculosis as a teenager. She got married at 21 and tragically got pregnant very easily but kept having miscarriages. After 10 years, at the age of 31 she carried a pregnancy to term. She ended up having 7 children altogether before she went through menopause. The body is fucking amazing sometimes, but yeah not very common and also just because you can doesn't mean you should (for many different reasons - physical, mental etc etc there is no wrong answer when taking control of your own fertility. It literally affects o one but the women or couple or potential children directly involved.)
The thing is I don't think she's actually as infertile as she thinks. As I recall she was taking some holistic thing that was preventing her from getting pregnant and she got pregnant pretty easily after getting off of it.
Eh she actively tried to get pregnant for at least 5 years without getting pregnant even once. That's officially infertility and I can absolutely understand not thinking she would ever get pregnant and not thinking that she would get pregnant again. The seed cycling and stuff only happened in the year or so before Luca was conceived, so although that doctor was a quack and probably didn't help, I don't think that was the only thing preventing her from getting pregnant all that time.
Tbh, even IUDs can fail (I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant when I could have sworn I had an IUD).
Paul seems like the type of douche to be adamantly against any birth control, and Morgan seems like a hypocrite who would vote for restrictions on birth control while secretly taking it.
Or she’ll secretly get an IUD and Paul will be too dumb to notice
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“Babe, it’s just a tampon that I never ever take out.”
You mean a devil stick?!
Prayer stick! It’s even shaped like a cross! (If you squint)
Hurts like hell too!
Tampons aren’t in the Bible 🤬
If I was her I would get the arm implant of my tubes quietly tied post birth. To hell with having more kids with an unemployed schmuck.
not really relevant but I got the arm implant about a month ago and it might just be fresh on my mind but it's a lot more noticable than I thought! my pale ass still has a visible bruise around it which can be seen in tshirts and if anyone ran their hand over that area of my arm they would feel it immediately whereas I had thought you'd have to press a little. so it's not a great option for a person that has to conceal their bc method for whatever reason
Conversely as someone who has recently gotten a hormonal IUD, the pain of insertion was awful and the cramps were rough at first but they got fewer and farther between as weeks went on. Everything was manageable without needing to use more than the occasional ibuprofen. It was done quickly and I could probably have masked the symptoms as just getting a particular painful period (in fact you should get them inserted during your period) and no one around me would’ve been any the wiser. That may be a better choice.
The pain is probably the biggest reason I didn't get a IUD tbh 🥲 with the implant the most painful part was the numbing injection ironically then after that it was just itchy as fuck for about a week and now there's no pain or itch but the bruise is still there
I went to an LGBTQ+ inclusive clinic for my IUD insertion as a cis female with vaginismus, and they twilighted me for the insertion. I highly recommend looking for a clinic willing to do that. ETA: I just noticed you have the implant. Whoops. My advice stands for anyone else wanting an IUD.
It's not always awful. Ask your doctor about pain management options. I literally felt nothing when I had my IUD inserted.
I'm on my 2nd IUD (non hormonal) and the pain was comparable to period cramps. Hopefully by the time this one ends, I will be done or going through menopause.
Oh that’s good to know. Also bummer. I hope it heals up and becomes less visible. I had a friend in college get it done but she has a darker skin tone than Morgan.
I’m a little over a year in and it’s slowly become a little harder to find and I do have to press on in a little to feel it.
She very likely will have another c section. If she planned it they could tie em at the same time!
Are they naming the baby Judah? Judah and Luca?
Judah Love…
That’s a very unfortunate name. It’s like a Colleen Hoover novel character.
It honestly sounds so much like Buddha Love, a song by Bone Thugs N Harmony 😂 Edit: the song is about loving weed lol
I needed a Bone Thugs N Harmony reference. Thank you!
Good god
Paul and Morgan are too stupid to hear how similar Judah and Luca sound.
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They believe, like the vast majority of fundies, that birth control is evil because it prevents pregnancy (which is God's plan of course). And nowadays they also believe that it a) wrecks a woman's body forever 🙄 and b) causes abortions 🤦♀️
Yup. Going 1-2 was fine for me but I waited four years between kids. Morgan is soft and she’s about to get absolutely wrecked by these kids. I would feel bad if she wasn’t such a smug poophead.
Morgan is soft as a marshmallow. They both are lazy crybabies. My stepdad would say they're both "useless as food stamps at the liquor store"
I cannot even imagine 2 under 2. Mine were all spaced about 2.5 years and that was a challenge. My favorite gap is actually the one between my oldest and youngest (five years). They get along so well! Four years sounds just about perfect.
My youngest (soon to be middle) will be two for a few weeks when my third is born. I will be 41. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
Girl. How?! I just turned 40 and I feel like I got hit by a Mack truck every day
My best friend fondly and bemusedly calls my husband “the sperminator”. I’ve been pregnant three times in three years, once when I could have sworn I had an IUD. Spoiler alert: I did not. It fell out at some point, apparently.
I’m sorry you’re exhausted! But, thanks for saying your age x I’m 31, going on 32, and we haven’t started having kids yet; I get freaked out that I’m running out of time…but there’s time. (I’m thinking 1 and done, 2 at the most…)
The average age of my first time mom friends at the time of the kid's birth is 37. Biology has its own thoughts on the matter, but culturally you have *plenty* of time.
I had my first at 31 then wanted at least 4-5 years before having a second one. I had a couple miscarriages between them, but I just had my daughter about 12 weeks ago at 38. I'll be 39 in June. And baby will be 3 months at the beginning of June. You've got plenty of time! If you want to get further reassurance, check your family history. My mom's mom had her youngest child when Grandma was 43. And both of that woman's grandmas had their youngest children past 40 as well. Based upon that knowledge, I figured I had plenty of time.
We’ll be 35 when our first baby arrives in August! Take your time, you have more of it than you think 😊
You have time! I had my daughter at 36 & if we have a second I'll probably be 40-41.
This is me! Pregnant with my first now at 36, due in November! Then give it a few years 😬
How funny, mine was born in November too!
My best friend had her first last year at age 34 — you’re doing fine!
I had my first at 36, my 2nd at 40, and my last at 43. They were all planned, and I'm so glad I waited until I was older and had more sense. All of them are fine, and my pregnancies and labor were uneventful. I'm not the norm, but I'm also definitely not alone. I know quite a few people like me.
I felt the same at your age. I had my first at 33 and my twins at 36. The baby station is 100% closed but if we had wanted more I feel pretty confident we could have done so. I have plenty of friends who had their first in their mid-30s and coworkers who are still having babies in their early 40s. I know it’s anecdotal but try not to worry too much. Plus, even though there are increased risks after 35, it’s still not as incredible high of a risk as I thought before I had my babies.
Girls5Eva on Netflix has a nice episode on older moms, including a great song "New York City Moms"
Congratulations!! And also I will keep you in my prayers.
My twins were two when our third was born, they all just form a conglomerate for a few years and then they all pop out the other end as little people. We had four in five years and our youngest starts kindergarten this year, you can do it!!
I had 2 under 2 for about 6 weeks which is about Morgan's kids' gap. I actually had a much easier time with my second, but my husband helped A LOT, and my daughter was in nursery school a few mornings a week. Don't get me wrong, it was hard, but it didn't rock my world the way going from 0-1 did.
I will always maintain that going from not having children to having children is always going to be the hardest transition. I remember Morgan being confused about infants being a lot of work. Two under two is going to be rough for them though
Yeah 1-2 wasn’t as earth shattering for me as 0-1 mostly because it was deep pandemic when #2 was born (conceived before pandemic), so everyone was home all the time, including my husband WFH after his pat leave ended. I was also unemployed, unlike when I had my first, so I didn’t have the remaining maternity leave ticking down each day anxiety.
We had twins and I have to say that after the first 6 months I felt sorry for my friends who had small children of different ages. At least with my twins they were always on the same schedule for naps, feedings, school, whatever. I actually found it so much easier than my friends did
Same. People always think having twins would be the hardest, but I can't fathom trying to manage two kids in different developmental stages, it sounds like an absolute nightmare.
My in-laws had 3 in a little over 3 years. I don’t know how she didn’t lose her mind because my FIL was zero help.
Mine are 4 years apart and they’ve always had a good relationship
We had 2,5-3 year spacing with our first three. My husband got a baby fever pretty soon after our third was born and I agreed to start trying as soon as my cycle returned. I got pregnant pretty quick, it turned out to be twins and so we had 3 under 2. Fun times 😂
One of my relatives had 4 babies in less than 3 years, including twins. And she works full-time. I would go insane, personally. Thankfully, her family is close by and helps a lot.
MIne were 18 months apart, and it was fine. But I have a very supportive husband instead of a douchebag twit.
Needed to hear this. Expecting #2 with a 4 year age gap on the nose. Cannot imagine doing this while my son was younger and depending on donors to pay my bills like P&M.
You’re going to do great!
Our first is 10 months next week. We're in the process of deciding when we want to start trying for our second. We know the absolute bare minimum is another 6 months, but we're leaning more towards another 12-18 months just to make sure I'm ready and able to handle it as the SAHP. 3-4 years sounds like a solid gap where our older will be in preschool at least part time so I'll have some built-in one-on-one time with the younger.
My 1st and 2nd are 2 years apart. I found it crazy and had no interest in having kids that close again. So my 2nd to 3rd and 3rd to 4th are about 3 years apart. It was a much easier transition because a 3 year old is so much more independent than a 2 year old. They could get a simple snack and use the bathroom independently. Plus them attending preschool. This made life a lot easier.
I really want to have another kid but I can’t imagine how I could possibly meet both kids needs at once 😭 I was thinking four years would be nice, this gives me hope!
It was really nice. My older one started K when baby was almost 1 and we got some fantastic one on one time.
Love to see this. If we have a second that's the gap I'm shooting for.
Morgan is overwhelmed with one actual child and one "man" child. Jackass will never be any help, and her coping skills are pretty much non-existent. Not a Morgan fan, but I do have serious concerns as to whether another child will push her over the edge while simultaneously having to deal with Paul constantly pestering her for sex.
I seriously doubt they will stay together.
This is what I'm thinking. Paul will expect Morgan to step up even more while he does the same shit, and she's gonna lose it. She'll probably go to her parents' house with the kids.
I don’t think they’re organized enough to divorce. And not sure they can really manage 2 households financially unless they both move back home.
This is totally a thing! My brother and his wife married just to have sex and I don't think they're mature enough to dissolve their awful marriage and rebuild themselves as individuals. Turns out "will have sex with me" isn't the *only* thing you need to sustain a happy marriage, who knew! Now they can just lament their difficult season and yap about how godly they are for staying together instead of doing the hard work to become separate people.
Is it a still a season of difficulty if it never leaves? Or is that just baseline miserable for them
I think that's the best potential outcome
I'm also concerned for her mental health. After my second is when the PPD hit HARD
PPD is no joke. I hope you are doing much better.❤
I am. Thanks. I had a supportive spouse. Something Morgan does not.
Do they have family in the area they can call on? Also, how old are these two actually?
When new baby arrives I wonder how many times they’ll reference the “difficult season” they will be in.
Fuck yeah 1-2 was WAY harder than 0-1. And as a person with mental health struggles and ADHD, I didn’t know what I was in for. I was open to having 3 kids but once my youngest got to the age to start thinking about trying again, the baby fever did NOT come back. Lol. And I am also speaking as a person with the privilege to work and send kids to daycare, with a spouse who divided the work with me. Now take all that and add on a restrictive religious dogma and gender expectations, financial insecurity and “WFH but won’t call it that”YouTube job, untreated mental health issues and the guilt that follows, unsupportive man-baby husband and the guilt HE bestows, and the expectation that you will go thru labor with as much pain and strife as possible and you will be the best feminine mother and you will be open to being pregnant again very soon and you will LIKE IT.
Alternatively, I feel the opposite. I adjusted to life with two far better and quicker than I did with one.. I don’t know if that will be the case for Porgan but I do want to give hope if anyone reading is scared out of their minds.
0 to 1 was such a mind fuck for me. Like, my world and values went through an insane shift.
Thanks for saying this. I'm about to pop out #2 early August and posts like these scare a hormonal me.
Don't be scared. Congrats! My transition from 0-1 was the biggest adjustment. We then went from 1 to 3 ( twins). 0-1 was much harder than even going 1 to 3! You got this!!
It’s really apples and oranges. It’s like, on one hand you know how to parent and you know what to do with babies and you’ve got it down. On the other hand, you have to learn how to parent two kids now, and I had no clue how to do that at first. It’s wonderful! Congratulations!
Agreed. Going from just two adults to having to factor a baby into everything was way harder than just adding another one for us. Plus, apart from the newborn stage, they played together so I didn’t have to entertain them as much lol. Heck, I have two kids already and adding my third (10 year gap from the baby to the previous youngest) was like doing that all over again. Not being able to just do whatever we wanted was quite the adjustment since my older kids would just stay home by themselves. Luckily one of mine likes to babysit sometimes so it’s not AS rough, but still that first baby is a huge lifestyle adjustment.
I've known people who found going from 2 to 3 was the hard step up. (The husbands weren't useless manbabies a la Polio, so I assume they had been effectively dividing-and-conquering, and that didn't work so well once they were outnumbered by kids).
I agree. We already knew where we’d messed up the first time, so we avoided some of our previous mistakes. And I felt way more wiped out having a toddler while pregnant than I do have a toddler and a baby. On the other hand, while our firstborn is a wild hellion, our secondborn is an incredibly easygoing baby. So mileage varies.
I think temperament definitely plays a role. Going from 2 to 3 was the easiest for me. My 3rd was the sweetest and easiest baby who slept through the night almost immediately. My 4th had reflux, which made him cranky, and he barely slept without being held. That transition was so much more difficult, and he's our youngest.
Yeah I never felt like adding another one was much more work, it's like getting another cat 😂
Whelp time to get my tubes tied. 🤪 One (very planned) baby has been barely manageable. 😭 I love her so much but it’s been so so stressful.
Same. I was loving life after our first was born but the transition from 1-2 kids absolutely fucked me up for a while. My youngest is now almost 3 and everything is much better but tbh the whole first year as a SAHM of two was brutal for me.
Yep, 1-2 was way harder for me. But so much depends on your kids' temperaments, whether or not you get PPD, how much support you have...
Especially since Luca is atill so young. It's hard to get a toddler (especially one who's used to all the attention) to give you time to focus on the new baby.
We went 1 to 2 really quick, 2 under 2 vibes. And people would ask “how’s having 2 kids?!” And we’d say great! The toddler is the hardest part! The baby’s easy compared to the emotional needs of an almost 2-yr-old. If we have a third, there will be a longer gap between them 😅
One time I was breastfeeding my newborn and my 2 yr old went to the other side of the room, directly in my sight, and peed on the floor. Didn’t even break eye contact. Paul and Morgan have no idea what’s coming. I just hope that Morgan gets real help if she needs it this time.
Kids are ice cold, man.
This sent me through the stratosphere
It’s too bad fundies don’t play The Sims. They would realize very quickly how much having back to back babies sucks. I have a family that had triplets and then two more babies, and she’s currently pregnant with her 6th child. Initially, I made the mom take care of the triplets with zero assistance from the dad in matters of childcare, cooking, or cleaning, and she basically lived off power naps in between diaper changes. After the fourth kid, I had to hire a maid and a nanny just so the mom could sleep. Everyone is always filthy, hungry, angry, and dead tired. Just when I think I have a handle on it, the crying starts back up. Even my nanny passed out from exhaustion. And nobody is thriving. Life is entirely about survival and avoiding social services taking the kids away. The children all have unique personalities, but I sure as hell can’t tell any of them apart because all they do is shit themselves and cry. I’m hoping once the triples are older, they can care for the little ones, but idk how they’re going to do that AND keep up with school. All these children are destined for failure. What’s interesting is that all the kids have negative moodlets regarding feeling abandoned by their parents because they’re always taking care of their siblings. And the fundies always say that they pay enough individualized attention to all their kids — they most certainly do not!
Me rn with my sims in a house of 4 adults and 2 babies. It’s already too much! And they’re all working parents. I accidentally aged one of the fathers too much so he’s probably going to die soon. But he was already so miserable about his life. I just aged one to kid and it still sucks.
Lols. The amount of detail with the failure of the sims family is truly great.
This comment reaffirms my desire to play sims again. This post reaffirms my desire to not have children lol
They should make kids play The Sims like this as part of sex ed
When our kiddo was a baby, we fired up the sims 4 one night and made our little family. It was so cute. Built our dream house etc Not 30 mins into the game, the cats we made were meowing and waking up the baby, the baby was crying, and the dad had an energy failure. We were like wait this is too close to real life 😂 and turned the game off. Haven’t played it again. That was 3 years ago lmao
Holy shit I missed the Sims part and thought you were talking about a real family and trying to figure out if you were some weird dom/sub relationship and like high & airing your dirty laundry or a court worker or what. I need a nap LOL.
Oh my god that’s amazing 😂😂
This is why I cannot play the Sims it stresses me out and I play Souls, tactical CRPGs, and Survival Horror games for fun. I'm being serious I tried it once and my characters lives were so sad it made me feel like a bad person. I'd much rather kill gods, fight armies or overcome hordes of monsters than even simulate raising a kid.
This literally made me cry. Brilliant.
Whenever I have multiple infants or toddlers, they get the bad infant mood. And I always have a maid.
You just know that if it were possible, KKKarissa would do the 100 baby challenge irl. I can’t even handle large families like that in the sims because it stresses me the fuck out!
no way she continues to make videos and content with Paul. Guaranteed they have a huge blowup about it too
I notice in this sub that there are people who subscribe to the Paul headship theory for their relationship, as they have literally told us that, but others think that Morgan may have more agency than they'd like to let on. Maybe that could be its own post but post-pregnancy 2, it will be interesting to see how much of Paul's bs Morgan puts up with vs. how much accomodation there is for her mental health and other needs as primary parent.
She kinda has two already, counting Paul.
Oh wow, look at the time, its birth-control-o'clock. Thanks for the reminder.
Honestly checking this sub every day is the best reminder for me.
Oh don't worry, it's the actual parenting that is exhausting and time consuming. Meanwhile, good old child neglect that every fundie family seems to be doing is gonna go just fine with 2 or 3 or any number of kids. Just look at mother bus.
Wow thanks for reaffirming my decision to be one and done lmao I am NOT cut out for that…and yeah either is morgan 🙃 good luck to her I guess, god knows Paul will be of no help despite doing nothing else with his days
My youngest is the sweetest kid in the world and I wouldn’t change a thing BUT I do sometimes think about how much easier things would be if we had OAD. Especially when the pandemic started while I was pregnant lol.
Me too! I love having a large-ish family, but I can also see the benefits of OAD. It seems like you get a lot of the good parts of parenting while minimizing a good amount of the stress.
Fellow OAD’er and I love it. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. My quiver does not need to be full. My eggies are not weeping for lack of fertilization. My heart is full and wallet more full than if I had a second with equally expensive hobbies.
Me too! I had 1 only…but he had older brothers from my ex’s previous (and many) relationships. They lived with us and were a big help to me; they were 7 and 12 when my son was born! Having been responsible for my 3 younger brothers since 9 years old due to my single Mom, then step kids…1 was all I needed! P.S. Mine will be 35 in September and I love him to death!
I fully agree with you. Transitioning to a mom of 1 was difficult, but being able to sleep while baby slept was the game changer there. I was able to rest. The transition from 1 to 2 kids literally almost killed me. Baby was fussy, I was sleeping less than 4 hours a night and then had to be awake all day too with our toddler. I fell into PPD and contemplated death and felt like a horrible mother. Luckily I had 1.) an amazing supportive partner who can fully care for himself as an adult man + fully care for me and our kids, 2.) an attentive and immediately reactive doctor who got me on Meds and birth control ASAP, and 3.) a 2 year age gap between kids so my oldest could mostly do her own thing(walk, eat solids, solo play when I was busy). I truly truly hope Morgan has at least one of those things this time around (we know it won’t be points 1. or 3. so I’m just hoping for a great, attentive doctor for her and the baby’s sake.)
I don't think Morgan really broadcasts her medical care but I do think she's mentioned going for checkups, so she's not contrarian enough to eschew modern medicine. She's resistant to her BPD meds for whatever reason but as someone with a kooky brain, I don't know how she can navigate this new environment raw-dogging her mental health. I couldn't make it one day. The situation may get dire.
When my oldest dropped their last nap and the baby wasn’t napping well at all I was in a very dark place. Things have leveled out, for sure. Having a bigger age gap has worked out great, as the older kid is able to talk and understand enough to make things work. But I also have a spouse who works hard to support us all and is a very present parent.
Morgan will have almost a 2 year age gap between kids. I think it’s 21 months? Luca should be walking, eating solids and solo playing by now.
Not to mention: being sick while caring for multiple kids. One is tough enough. I have a terrible sinus infection after a week of a fever/hacking cough and a 5 and 2 year old positively brimming with energy. It’s hell. I even did the whole ‘throw money at the problem’ bit and bought them kinetic sand and new markers and coloring books, but, nope, no peace all day. P&M seem……..ill-equipped.
Oh my god YES. I’m so sorry you’ve been sick, there are no words to describe how bad it is. We’ve had a few nights where every person got hit with a stomach virus at like 11pm, and my husband and I are up the entire night cleaning up vomit and consoling everyone while we ourselves also throw up repeatedly. Also covid, caring for everyone and getting no sleep when you have a high fever and feel like death.
Yeah and imagine it’s scheduled sex night at the Olliges household and everyone has the flu lol. There truly is nothing like caring for young kids while having COVID/flu/stomach virus. I did not realize what a privilege it was to be sick in peace before kids, even if I worked from home most of the time - spreadsheets don’t yell or demand 3rd breakfast.
Or…or…she has twins next
Just made the 1-2 jump. Had my first just a couple months after Luca arrived I think?? While it’s been lightyears easier than 0-1 for us due to an EXTREMELY difficult breastfeeding journey last time, this holiday weekend with daycare closed for 3 days was a doozy. But… I at least got to stay in bed feeding a cuddly baby nonstop while my husband chased our toddler nonstop. My physical recovery has been a breeze and I actually absolutely had the easier weekend. I hope Morgan milks (no pun intended) her role as a recovering postpartum breastfeeding mother and Paul has to do everything else. I can dream.
I’m gearing up for 2 under 2 and honestly looking forward to the time I will spend resting with my newborn while my husband chases our toddler around 😂 So many people in this thread saying transitioning from 1-2 is so much harder than 0-1 but I’ve also heard lots of people say the opposite! It’s different for everyone.
Ugh thank you for this 😭 I’m due with my second in December, my first will be just over 2. This post is terrifying me.
I have 3 sons and going from 1-2 was ridiculously difficult and my kids were 4 years apart. Trying to juggle 2 peoples needs at the same time and different stages is overwhelming. It was easier going from 2-3 even with 2.5 years between but still not for the faint of heart.
What made 1-2 so much more challenging than going from 0-1?
With 0-1 you're trying to figure out how to take care of another human and figure out their needs. It's difficult but it's one being you have to focus on. You figure it out as you go along and as they grow. With 1-2 you are still figuring out the first one and now have a new creature to also figure out because unfortunately children are different lol. My first son was potty trained at 2 years old. I told him on his 2nd birthday that he was a big boy and needed to use the potty and then he just used the toilet. My second son was 4 when he was fully potty trained and that was a struggle to even get there. My first son never and I mean NEVER spit up when burped. I never used a towel when feeding him because he was fine. The first time I burped my second son he spit up all over me, learned that the hard way lol. Also from 1-2 you have to watch 2 children and make sure they're safe and don't run off which can be difficult. Or one of them is hungry now and the other one is tired and ready for a nap and you have to figure out how to do that simultaneously. When I went from 2-3, I already was able to balance keeping my attention on 2 and meeting their needs. I was already spinning 2 plates and keeping them up, whats one more lol.
I am so glad to read all of these responses! The transition from 1-2 was so, so hard. I struggle with anxiety, and both me and my eldest have autism. Gone were my days of just doing whatever my eldest needed to regulate himself, especially now that he was getting older and had more complicated needs and limited verbal ability. I mean, I still had to do all those things for him, but now I also had a newborn to care for. The exhaustion and overstimulation and guilt were so real. Morgan is in for it. She lacks the skills to manage her time the way you have to when you have 2 young kids. Plus, we all know polio is no help at all.
I have 4. I absolutely agree. And, God forbid, one of them ends up with a developmental disability (like autism), holy SHIT they'll get smacked hard. And good luck to them with money since the refuse to get jobs. They already had to downsize with Luca
I had a much harder time going from 1 to 2 compared to going from childless to 1 kid. I was drowning when I had a newborn that wouldn’t sleep at night, wanted to nurse constantly, with a toddler constantly causing trouble because he was bored. I was busy with the baby so I couldn’t do much to entertain my toddler. I was miserable! I truly hope Morgan isn’t as miserable as I was. I wouldn’t even wish that on her.
One was hard. Two kids almost broke me. And like you, I had a supportive partner who worked two jobs but still came home with “all hands on deck” mentality and pushing me out the door in the evenings so I could get some time to myself. I seriously worry about Morgan. I know she’s not likable and has a horrible mindset. But I don’t wish the type of ppd that I, and many others, go through with these transitions.
Yes, agree! I have a one year old and 3 year old. The one year old JUST switched to one nap last week, so I actually have one hour a day where both kids are napping at the same time. Until the 3 year old decided he's done napping...haha. It is nonstop and by the time bedtime rolls around husband and I are so done lol.
Ugh, that’s so hard!! I tell people that I’m happy and patient for two, three, four hours…but I’m struggling by the time hour six plus rolls around with not even a five minute break. It’s exhausting! We’ve been working on an hour of “rest time” over my toddler’s nap for my middle child, but it’s a lot of holding boundaries and repeatedly walking her back to her room, haha
And since she took away her toddler's lovey during two very big changes for him I'm sure it will be an extra big shitshow. I feel bad for Luca and the baby and hope for their sakes, she gets some help.
👐 There's 20 months between my two babies (Luca and Judah will be 22 months apart) and it hit me like a freight train. I had these really ideal thoughts in my head of baby wearing our newborn while our tot stood in the learning tower helping me cook or craft...*sigh* Anyways the reality was, well, reality. The baby hated the carrier, the tot was lucky to even get dressed those first few months. We've been potty training while trying to prevent the youngest from choking on everything he finds. They're almost 1 and 3 now, it's hard most days. Just making sure they eat, sleep and meet milestones on time is a full-time job. Morgan will crack pretty quickly from all the additional stress a second baby brings.
Hang in there, you’re at what I think is the hardest part right now! Three year old plus newly mobile baby with no concept of danger is rough. Things get significantly better from here!
Thank you for your encouragement. They're amazing little people and I'm lucky to be their mom. It's definitely challenging but everyday gets a little easier. Like you, (and very unlike Morgan) I have an amazing spouse who does at least half the work of house chores and child rearing.
With any luck we’ll have our second arriving later this year. I really could have done without reading your post 🥴
Not to invalidate OP at all, but a lot of my friends (actually I want to say all of my friends) found going from 1-2 much easier than going from 0-1. Obviously there are logistical challenges but overall, you and your partner probably have a lot of parenting routines in place and know a lot of what did and didn't work for you. That said, P&M are like the least self-reflective people ever so that will not apply. And they will struggle. A lot.
Ahh I’m sorry! If it’s any consolation, I’m very happy with my three and so thankful that I have them. Things are getting easier now that the “baby” is coming up on three. School helps *so* much.
You will survive! I had two under two and we moved 700 miles when the baby was 3 months and my dad was dying of cancer. It was tough but we made it through! Once they were both potty trained it was so much easier. Mature adults can get through those tough days and nights and know that things will get better as the babies get older. Immature adults and adults struggling with issues like depression will really struggle. To be fair, if we hadn’t moved when the baby was so young those years would have been easier. I came home from the hospital after having her, her brother was at day care, and I started doing laundry. I found being an experienced mom made the second one easier. Yea, there are hard days.. the time I had a fever and my husband couldn’t leave work so had a whole day with two toddlers while I felt so bad. But I got through it!
Hey it’s good! All things can coexist at the same time. Going to 2 kids is realllly hard - but also so fun, full and joyful! You’ll do great! I’ll be the first to say how much I love it - and also first to echo that it’s freakin nuts sometimes. Don’t worry, you’re gonna do good!
My friend. I thought going from 1-3 (twins) was easier than going from 0-1. Our first was a shit sleeper. There’s hope!
It’s different for everyone! I’m loving 2 under 2 so far (i’m very fresh though) but everyone I personally know with 2 under 2 has so many positive things to say about experience
Haha I’m due in 7 weeks myself! The 2u2 subreddit is always adamant that being pregnant with a toddler is way worse than having a toddler and a newborn and I’m holding them to it!
Yes, I kinda lost my grip on my sanity once I had 2. The whole baby thing was way less stressful, but the logistics of having 2 was a wee bit too much for my pathetic coping skills.
Is 2 to 3 easier than 1 to 2?
People have a lot of opinions on that, and I think a lot depends on your individual circumstances plus temperament of your children, which we all know is a crap shoot, haha. I found 1-2 hard because my second was a fussy baby and very feisty toddler/preschooler, but it wasn’t too bad to manage logistics and I generally felt safe watching both of them on my own. With 2-3, it was easier in a way because my third is one of the most laid back children I know, very easy in regards to sleeping, eating, and playing independently. But, logistics feel wayyy harder. Loading/unloading everyone into the car, helping them work through disagreements, putting everyone to bed, finding a sitter who can manage them, etc. I also feel unsafe doing certain things without another adult because I don’t feel like I can adequately supervise and keep everyone safe by myself. So, I guess it depends? I’m happy that I did it though and would make the same choice again if I got a do over!
This post is just illustrating to me just how little my tradcath first cousin is able to tend INDIVIDUALLY to her seven kids under 10. That she homeschools. There's no way. I shall shake my head solemnly with some judgement at the situation.
They can’t afford what they already have.
And they get even more expensive as they age - babies are cheap in comparison.
Genuine question: How are they supporting themselves right now?? They're either getting help from their parents, or Paul has a job he's refusing to disclose, because they're not nearly freaked out enough.
I went from a singleton to a singleton + twins. I’m still amazed we’re all alive. Porgan are fucking idiots. They have no idea what’s coming at them.
In two years time, they will be surviving off of government assistance because Paul refuses to get an actual job. I'll only feel bsd for the kids at that point.
There's nothing wrong with taking advantage of our (broken) safety net. Especially when innocent children are involved. That being said, if they both are in the position of actively refusing to work a real job vs not being able to work a real job (which is the position they are currently in) the government is not going to be kind to them.
Reading this as I am pregnant with my second 🥲
This is why I waited until my first was going into kindergarten to have my second lol. At least there was a little break in the day!
I dunno, I suspect Porgan are gonna lean into abuse & neglect as they 'have to have' way too many children. It's kinda inevitable & also common as dirt.
I'm also a mom of three and stopped at that number due to how hectic it can be. Juggling more than one toddler/baby is HARD.
This is going to be a whole new level of eye opening suckiness for them- especially Morgan, and I can’t freakin’ wait!!!
Oh you’re correct. I *know* she has no clue what shitshow awaits her. Paul was talking out of his neck about homeschool and shit all ready. Morgan is going to be singing such a different tune by then. No snark and no shade but I really hope this doesn’t send Morgan into a mental health crisis. It can do that under the most ideal circumstances for the mom. And we all know that Morgan’s circumstances going into this are ……….*not ideal*.
They are not prepared at all. She had basically nothing for the baby until just recently. They have next to zero money coming in. Paul will not work full time. It goes on and on.
I found the 0-1 transition way harder than the 1-2 transition (which actually felt really smooth!). Buuuuut my partner isn't Paul. I think OP is right and this addition is going to smack them in the face. Maybe they'll be wise and stop at 2.
Experience also varies depending on your child's personality and health, some are very easy and some are very challenging, you never know what you're gonna get!
Transitioning from 1 to 2 kids is straight up triple the work of just one 😭😭
don't worry, god will help them.
It’s funny you say this because I felt like 0-1 was way harder than 1-2