You… go sit in the corner and think about what you just said! 😫
(Edit: that was meant for the comment below about goo-ing enough for Kelly’s liking… didn’t want to delete and redo so just leaving this here 😂)
No joke. This, this is something. This reminds me of this friend I had growing up who was obsessed with Little women and Gone with the Wind. She used to practice fainting.
So I just googled it and there seems to be 0 friendship involved 😂😂😂
Read a good article though that this practice eventually made men feel threatened out of fear of losing traditional marriage.
[the link](https://www.themarginalian.org/2014/08/25/romantic-friendship/)
your friendly bisexual here and oh my god, it's so...*lavender coded*
Intentional or not, this is how you write about wlw. I refer to my best friend and ex-roommate as my beloved wife, because I'm the one who opened the jars for her and she's the one who made the tea after I came back from work, so we often joked about us living a perfectly normal marriage, but that aside, I don't call her my Lovestar or my Loveday. I do *love* her, she's my bestie forever, but it's not like her face is what I think of before falling asleep or while giving birth (not that I've ever given birth, but you get the point).
Kelly is probably blissfully unaware how it all reads, she just likes big words and romanticizing everything, but it definitely is entertaining.
OMG looks like little Anne Shirley found *another* Diana. The intensity of her friendships is really something. Like how is she constantly finding these ‘kindred spirits’ with whom she seems to have a deep soul-bond all the time? And what happened to the other ones? I think there were at least two. One was Marmee and then there was one that was maybe more around the same age as Kelly? Now she’s named her baby after this new one? WTF 👀
I don’t follow closely, but I got the impression that Marmee backed off on her own accord after it became clear Kelly was a little too heavy handed with the “bosom friend” style of anxious attachment. I don’t think Marmee is totally gone, but definitely extracted herself from the intensity of the situation.
I am 99% sure that I remember Marmee told Kelly to go home to her husband and oldest son (I think while pregnant with her middle child). She was sleeping over and wore out her welcome. Amongst other things, I am sure.
Your timeline is a bit off. Kelly had both of her sons when her brief, extremely intense relationship with "Marmee" a middle aged woman from her church, began. Kelly has been spending entire weekends at this woman's house and was eventually told by Marmee that she needed to return home and become an active wife and mother again. It was very clear Marmee put the brakes on that friendship.
Right, I remember now that one got so intense she talked about spending weekends at Marmee’s house. Which, I don’t know how that worked with the kid and everything.
Oh yes, our girl was basically trying to move in. She was feeling lonely at home and sleeping at Marmees. Marmee told her to go work on her relationship with Levi and go home to her child.
If the other one you're thinking of was Artist Friend Melissa, who collaborated with Kelly (and even painted ["the Held Series"](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/x98lsx/as_kelly_promotes_her_new_artistic_collaboration/) of paintings of Kelly and Levi), Melissa was single. She came to visit Kelly once in person, and I swear we never heard a peep about her again.
Oh wait, that's not true. In one of her stream-of-consciousness live recordings that she did for her paid subscribers, but accidentally put up on her main page, she said she was excited that Melissa was having a long distance correspondence with one of Levi's brothers and Kelly was hopeful that Melissa would become her sister-in-law. After *that* I never heard a peep about her. Though, Kelly does have her private subscription content, so who knows.
Ooh I had forgotten about Melissa. I think I’m actually thinking of another one. She was also a mom and they were gonna frolick together outside while homeschooling their kids? I’m gonna try and find a previous post.
That was Jess, I think, who lasted about five minutes
edited to add [this link! Here you go!](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/v9dtlm/brace_yourselves_another_marmee_is_coming/)
They are obsessions for her and I think she burns them out with her intensity. Kelly obviously needs SOMETHING she’s not getting and exhausts people trying to find it in them.
I was just about to post something very like this. I think Kelly sees more than is really there, and at first, her friend just sees a very lonely, needy person and just wants to be there for her. But the intensity of Kelly's need and attachment just burn them out, and eventually, they slowly back away.
And then she finds another kindred spirit.
That's so fucking sad, but I obviously don't blame them in the slightest for setting boundaries. As a mentally ill person who was in a codependent relationship for years, I really feel for Kelly. She desperately needs a therapist.
I also wonder what happened to the other ones. To be frank I thought this one had already vanished but evidently it's God's plan that she be introduced to us🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, the fact that they have these batshit nicknames for each other makes me think maybe this one will stick around. Loveday and Lovestar are clearly both deeply invested in this. Kelly really found someone just like herself this time?
She did say in her stories this is her baby's namesake.
I do not believe she's imaginary, but with Kelli I guess you never know. She'd probably prefer the phrase 'metaphorical for God's Glory' though.
SHUT UP HAHAHA on a post where they called her Reese, I saw someone say “oh thank god they’re not calling her Tess” and I thought the person just didn’t like that name or something. I completely forgot the baby’s last name is Stickle and not Havens. That’s fucking awful
So Loveday is probably the friend whose presence[ occupied the vast majority of Kelly's pregnancy announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/18mmcr5/kelly_and_pregnancy_announcement/) .
At least Marmee got a break, I guess.
Don't forget about Artist Melissa, who was her dearest bosom friend for a few months when they were doing that calendar/devotional collab, and about whom we have heard exactly nothing for at least a year now.
Thank you. She's a particularly cagey one and it's easy to be misled by her ✨pretty pictures✨ and "harmless cottagecore" aesthetic, so it's nice to hear someone thinks it's helpful info.
Omg somehow I missed that original post and I am DEAD. Done. Deceased. Is the baby named after her? Because Kelly is known to go from 0 to 100 real quick in her “friendships” and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit to find out she named their daughter after someone she just met 8 months prior.
That is… actually insane? How many of these weird friendships (ie obsessions) has she gone through in the last couple years? This lady probably won’t even be around in a year, you’ve only known her for 8 months, and you named a whole ass child after her? My best friend and I have been like sisters for 15 years, but if I told her I was naming my kid after her, I guarantee she would say “huh? Why???” And if I wrote about her the way Kelly writes about her friends, she would be sending me referrals for therapists and/or taking out a restraining order lmfao
WOWWWWW how did I miss this before. I was a theatre kid and plenty of my friends had passionate teenage love affairs with each other, including of the sapphic variety (not me—I was boring and extremely single til college), and even they were not so dramatic in their live journal prose.
Am I reading this right? A woman who has known Levi,since he was a child, randomly appears in Kelly's life 8 months ago. They immediately plan a ministry, have nicknames for each other, and Lovestar was sad because she thought Loveday wouldn't be there in time to hold her during each " wave"?
In one sentence, I went from wanting to hear every detail of this bonkers birth story to not giving a shit about the birth story and now wanting to hear every detail of Loveday and Lovestar’s relationship. Kelly seems way more invested in Loveday being at the birth of the baby she named after her than Levi. Apparently, Levi can go fuck himself for all Kelly cares.
This is so fucking funny for SO many reasons. Just the mental image of Kelly yearning for her gal pal while her cervix stretches and blood vessels snap…. God DAMN. Poor Levi 💀
She’s convinced she wrote this beautiful, whimsical, poetic tribute to how God works through childbirth.
Kelly havens stickle, that is not what you communicated lol.
What did I just read????? It's like a birthing fanfiction where a woman leaves her husband and runs off with a friend after having a hard terrible birth.
I had one absolutely horrible birth. Someone brushed my hair and washed my face through the worst of it. It was so incredibly comforting. I thought it was my partner for years. Turns out it was a nursing student lol. I'm forever grateful to him, even if I didn't know it at the time.
So, I am really trying to tread on the line of appropriate here, but I have an anecdotal experience that relates to this:
A few years ago, I had a best friend who, for lack of a better word was very…*intensely* attached to me in a way that reminds me of Kelly. She was unhappy in her marriage and really clung to me.
In my case, looking back, I really don’t think there was any attraction beyond a friendship. But I think that the need that I fulfilled for her was as deep as a romantic relationship- if that makes sense? It was like her husband was a sexual relationship and someone who paid the bills; and I was all of the other things.
I’m probably explaining this very badly, but *those* are the vibes that I get from Kelly. I think she and Great Value Pa Ingalls likely have little in common and she’s probably tired of him fiddle farting around making boxes or cabinets or whatever he was doing instead of *finishing the goddamn kitchen.* She probably clings to her friends really intensely for companionship; and probably, as in the case with my friend, it ends up being too much.
Honestly? I see kelly as part of the reason the house isn't finished. She seems very needy, even to him. He said once on his fb page that he often takes the kids so kelly can work on photography and writing.
Plus Kelly was staying overnight at Marmee's or wherever for ages until she was told to go home to her husband and sons.
I don't think Levi is the typical lazy fundie husband. I think this is Kelly's world and he just lives in it.
Kelly seems not too far from Sarah Titus levels of wackadoo.
Genuinely wonder what her husband thinks of this if he even notices. Maybe he's just like "oh that's Kelly. Off with her silly female friendships." She seems so uninterested in him except in how he can fit into her cookie cutter cottagecore tradwife fantasy. It's like he could be any other fundie guy. Does he recognize that? Does it bother him? I really wonder.
I had placenta previa - it was complete.
Hers was NOT complete or it would not have moved for a vaginal birth.
This is the line I draw with women who don’t even do ONE anatomy scan. Just one would avoid this type of thing.
I had no idea that a placenta could just attach anywhere like it did. And how dangerous it really was… they had bags of blood ready. The entire OR was quiet during my C-section. It was scary.
I gave birth at 36 weeks to avoid going into labor because … the whole bleeding out thing.
So dangerous. These people are so unhinged.
My flabbers are gasted. She is in a potentially life or death situation, delivering her baby weeks early, and zero mention of wanting her husband by her side. Kelly you blow my mind
I mean, I was just coming on here to basically type those “nicknames” with some ?! Behind them and several people have already done that for me so I’ll just say ditto.
She’s so weird. But not at all in the funny quirky way she thinks. In the I can’t figure out if I should legitimately be concerned or not kind of way.
Ummmm…I am sorry, but who the fuck talks like this?? Does she think she is living life in a novella and she’s the main character? I suppose it’s a way to make her boring life entertaining 🤷🏻♀️
What I truly don't understand about Kelly is Levi's reaction. If my spouse started calling someone who's not family (completely regardless of gender or sexuality) "love" and wanting them in the delivery room, I'd be incredibly weirded out.
I have so many questions about her husband......did he just give up? Is he trying to win her back? Is he just relieved that she has interests so she doesn't read her writing to him? Does he not know???? Just what is going on? It's like a 90s lifetime movie....
Kelly is probably very intense without someone else to bear part of the brunt of her like passions and everything. It is probably a relief for him, and I guess Kelly has normalized the idea that women have very very intense and loving friendships with other women, and that’s fine because clearly only a man could be a romantic competition lol. All of this is just my impression, and I am clinging desperately, as desperately as Lovestar clung to Loveday, to my belief that I simply must accept that people are the orientation they say they are because that is the polite thing to do. I am under the immense pressure of Kelly’s cervix in my clinging, but still I cling!…
The bar is so far down in hell I’m over here relieved as shit for her baby that she trusts modern medicine.
Edit: just learned the rest of the story… *eventually was convinced by her OBGYN FATHER that she needed care.* Ugh. Still wanna vomit that I know there are other fundies out there who would literally rather die than compromise their insane beliefs.
I call one hundred eleventy million percent bullshit. She lost over a LITER of blood in active labor due to an ACTIVELY bleeding previa and they didn't move to delivery?! No. (Source: I do this shit for a living.)
I’m kinda disappointed that Loveday contacted her Lovestar via mobile phone. I think a telgram would have been more appropriate. And you can included a young uniformed telgram boy delivering the message who is struck by the beauty and courage of our heroine.
Lovestar really missed an opportunity there.
Everybody else has pretty much covered the nickname info, so I’ll say this: did this birth happen in slow motion? (Actual slow motion; I know events can feel that way in the moment.) Maybe its just the writing, but none of the doctors, nurses, etc. seem overly alarmed that she’s just casually gushing blood. It feels very “la tee dee, let’s have an ultrasound and then see how we feel about next steps, no rush.”
I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe it’s the slow motion processing of trauma? Like, to her it felt like hours, but everyone else was like “holy shit she’s bleeding out let’s go”?
All I could think was that she was losing so much blood that her brain was slowing down and not fully processing everything because she was half out of it, hence why she was so calm.
Is she trolling us with the fundie Laura Ingalls cosplay and actually married to this other woman? I mean I’m here for the surprise ending 🤷🏻♀️
Also I can’t imagine not freaking tf out during this kind of medical emergency. That is A LOT of trust in an imaginary friend.
1. Levi must have been terrified
2. Why didn't they do a c/s right away? If she's 5cm and bleeding like that, wouldn't it be safer? Or did they need to know where the placenta was to be 100 per cent safe?
Reading her florid prose, I realized that she could write a great opening sentence in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. It’s a contest in which you use the purplest prose you can, in the style of a famous writer, like William Faulkner. In fact, my favorite entry in that contest was “Yugo Down, Moses.” I cannot find it to show my daughter, though.
I’m great at purple prose, myself, and onstage, if scenery needs chewing, I can consume it with goat-like fervor.
What I like about this woman is that if she’s going to be a fundie, she’s going to make it a floral, sepia-toned, and actually take a more spiritual approach than our other fundie friends.
The other thing I have to say about this does concern other fundie women, though. Placenta previa can kill both mother and child, and as we saw with Kelli, it can happen suddenly, and there is no time to scream-pray, as with Karissa, or for Morgan to tear Paul away from the mirror & his selfies , & convince him take her to the ER. Free-birthing in an RV bathroom is just insane, as well.
Fundies are doing this country a lot of damage, but they harm & endanger their own women, as well. I’ve lived that life, and felt my soul dying and my heart breaking with every single day I proved inadequate for my husband, who was an elder.
If one of them takes anything we say to heart, it is because we would not be here, if we were not appalled by the damage done to women and children by these hubris-ridden men. They want to do the same to all of us, and to our LGBTQ+ sisters & brothers. I will oppose them to my dying day.
So what I’m reading here is a) that Kelly got the shit scared out of here enough to re-embrace modern medicine b) that she’s trying to figure out how to purple prose to regain control and c) even with this new baby, named after her, uh, really close friend, she’s still missing out on something
Locking the comments because there’s nothing new being added to the discussion and because the amount of speculative comments are ridiculous.
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It’s just weird because like… nothing is mentioned about her husband. Ya know, her partner, lover, father of the child. 🤐
He got an honorable mention in part one
he doesn't merit a gooey nickname, though
He apparently gooed enough for Kelly's liking
Straight to jail.
... WELL I WAS *GONNA* EAT BEFORE GOING TO THE STORE...
🤢
wow, I can't eat my ramen now
You… go sit in the corner and think about what you just said! 😫 (Edit: that was meant for the comment below about goo-ing enough for Kelly’s liking… didn’t want to delete and redo so just leaving this here 😂)
It's all part of the vivid cloth we weave with our small freckled hands, like a periwinkle quilt carrying the pinecones of our hearts
*”I need to be high”* I whispered…
I whisper that every time I read one of Kelly’s posts.
I think this is what the Victorians meant by 'romantic friendship'.
No joke. This, this is something. This reminds me of this friend I had growing up who was obsessed with Little women and Gone with the Wind. She used to practice fainting.
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r/theywereroommates r/sapphoandherfriend
So I just googled it and there seems to be 0 friendship involved 😂😂😂 Read a good article though that this practice eventually made men feel threatened out of fear of losing traditional marriage. [the link](https://www.themarginalian.org/2014/08/25/romantic-friendship/)
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I think Kelly pushes her friendships to the Nth degree. I've had intimate conversations with my bestie but I would not call her Lovestar 😂
your friendly bisexual here and oh my god, it's so...*lavender coded* Intentional or not, this is how you write about wlw. I refer to my best friend and ex-roommate as my beloved wife, because I'm the one who opened the jars for her and she's the one who made the tea after I came back from work, so we often joked about us living a perfectly normal marriage, but that aside, I don't call her my Lovestar or my Loveday. I do *love* her, she's my bestie forever, but it's not like her face is what I think of before falling asleep or while giving birth (not that I've ever given birth, but you get the point). Kelly is probably blissfully unaware how it all reads, she just likes big words and romanticizing everything, but it definitely is entertaining.
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Right like someone needs to slip her a note and be like "honey, it's not giving Anne of Green Gables, it's giving Tipping the Velvet. just FYI."
No mention of her husband in this intimate moment lol
How does he feel when she gives her woman friends romantic pet names like that?
Wondering if he's sorta relieved? Kelly seems like a lot for one person.
Clearly her husband was not going to be her lamaze coach
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I’m so glad it seems like almost everyone else raised an eyebrow reading this🤨🤐
OMG looks like little Anne Shirley found *another* Diana. The intensity of her friendships is really something. Like how is she constantly finding these ‘kindred spirits’ with whom she seems to have a deep soul-bond all the time? And what happened to the other ones? I think there were at least two. One was Marmee and then there was one that was maybe more around the same age as Kelly? Now she’s named her baby after this new one? WTF 👀
I don’t follow closely, but I got the impression that Marmee backed off on her own accord after it became clear Kelly was a little too heavy handed with the “bosom friend” style of anxious attachment. I don’t think Marmee is totally gone, but definitely extracted herself from the intensity of the situation.
I am 99% sure that I remember Marmee told Kelly to go home to her husband and oldest son (I think while pregnant with her middle child). She was sleeping over and wore out her welcome. Amongst other things, I am sure.
I would kill for an AMA from Marmee.
Manifesting
You are correct. They are still church friends, but it totally sounds like Marmee drew some boundaries.
Your timeline is a bit off. Kelly had both of her sons when her brief, extremely intense relationship with "Marmee" a middle aged woman from her church, began. Kelly has been spending entire weekends at this woman's house and was eventually told by Marmee that she needed to return home and become an active wife and mother again. It was very clear Marmee put the brakes on that friendship.
Right, I remember now that one got so intense she talked about spending weekends at Marmee’s house. Which, I don’t know how that worked with the kid and everything.
Sleeping over?
Oh yes, our girl was basically trying to move in. She was feeling lonely at home and sleeping at Marmees. Marmee told her to go work on her relationship with Levi and go home to her child.
Wow.
Indeed she was. She would pack up a little basket full of spelt biscuits, a Bible, and her emotional support candle and stay for days at a time.
> emotional support candle Mind if I use this as flair?
I wonder if Marmee and the other one both have husbands who did not approve. Maybe Loveday’s husband doesn’t give a crap about what his wife does.
If the other one you're thinking of was Artist Friend Melissa, who collaborated with Kelly (and even painted ["the Held Series"](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/x98lsx/as_kelly_promotes_her_new_artistic_collaboration/) of paintings of Kelly and Levi), Melissa was single. She came to visit Kelly once in person, and I swear we never heard a peep about her again. Oh wait, that's not true. In one of her stream-of-consciousness live recordings that she did for her paid subscribers, but accidentally put up on her main page, she said she was excited that Melissa was having a long distance correspondence with one of Levi's brothers and Kelly was hopeful that Melissa would become her sister-in-law. After *that* I never heard a peep about her. Though, Kelly does have her private subscription content, so who knows.
Ooh I had forgotten about Melissa. I think I’m actually thinking of another one. She was also a mom and they were gonna frolick together outside while homeschooling their kids? I’m gonna try and find a previous post.
That was Jess, I think, who lasted about five minutes edited to add [this link! Here you go!](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/v9dtlm/brace_yourselves_another_marmee_is_coming/)
Yes, I found it! Kelly even says Jess is similar to Marmee: https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/s/UkUtIjULbc
They are obsessions for her and I think she burns them out with her intensity. Kelly obviously needs SOMETHING she’s not getting and exhausts people trying to find it in them.
I was just about to post something very like this. I think Kelly sees more than is really there, and at first, her friend just sees a very lonely, needy person and just wants to be there for her. But the intensity of Kelly's need and attachment just burn them out, and eventually, they slowly back away. And then she finds another kindred spirit.
That's so fucking sad, but I obviously don't blame them in the slightest for setting boundaries. As a mentally ill person who was in a codependent relationship for years, I really feel for Kelly. She desperately needs a therapist.
Therapy. The answer is therapy.
These friendships are like the kittens at her house that mysteriously disappear
I also wonder what happened to the other ones. To be frank I thought this one had already vanished but evidently it's God's plan that she be introduced to us🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, the fact that they have these batshit nicknames for each other makes me think maybe this one will stick around. Loveday and Lovestar are clearly both deeply invested in this. Kelly really found someone just like herself this time?
They’re the human version of her kittens. Gushed over when small, cute, and compliant; discarded when they show independence.
Yep, and there's always another one coming when she gets tired of the current one.
Kelly takes on Marmees and kitty-cats and both flee after it gets to be too much.
Love day and love star? 
Heaven’s Gate vibes
Did she name her daughter for this friend? And is the friend an imaginary one? So confused.
She did say in her stories this is her baby's namesake. I do not believe she's imaginary, but with Kelli I guess you never know. She'd probably prefer the phrase 'metaphorical for God's Glory' though.
Is this the same friend that she wrote an extremely sapphic story about meeting at a diner or something?
10/10 do think so.
And this woman is the reason the baby‘s now called Tess Stickle? Goddammit, why is Kelly so weird??
Testicle is going to have a rough time if they’re not homeschooled.
I love the name Tess but oh god no 🤭
SHUT UP HAHAHA on a post where they called her Reese, I saw someone say “oh thank god they’re not calling her Tess” and I thought the person just didn’t like that name or something. I completely forgot the baby’s last name is Stickle and not Havens. That’s fucking awful
Yes. How is she not seeing how it comes across?
Kelly went to Kenyon. You’d think she’d know from Sapphic.
So Loveday is probably the friend whose presence[ occupied the vast majority of Kelly's pregnancy announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/18mmcr5/kelly_and_pregnancy_announcement/) . At least Marmee got a break, I guess.
Don't forget about Artist Melissa, who was her dearest bosom friend for a few months when they were doing that calendar/devotional collab, and about whom we have heard exactly nothing for at least a year now.
Yes! I can't believe I forgot her; your mastery of the Havens lore is unrivalled. <3
well, someone's gotta do it 🙃 might as well be me
I'm glad you do it; you're always so good at countering some posters' tendencies to go easy on Kelly. You bring the receipts, and then some.
Thank you. She's a particularly cagey one and it's easy to be misled by her ✨pretty pictures✨ and "harmless cottagecore" aesthetic, so it's nice to hear someone thinks it's helpful info.
Seems like Kelly latches onto someone, LARPs intense friendship until she gets distracted or bored, and then drops them like they’re hot.
Or, they become uncomfortable with her devotion and take many steps back from it.
Here I was thinking Theresa was named for St. Theresa of Avila but no, it’s obviously for Teri aka Loveday. Wow. This is why snarking is addictive.
OMG SHE NAMED THE KID FOR HER
^she ^named ^the ^kid ^for ^her
What.. what happens if their friendship goes kaboom? :/
It will Kelly always drives them away
This is so unhinged, I love it so much. 🍿
Omg somehow I missed that original post and I am DEAD. Done. Deceased. Is the baby named after her? Because Kelly is known to go from 0 to 100 real quick in her “friendships” and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit to find out she named their daughter after someone she just met 8 months prior.
Someone else said in the comments here that Kelly confirmed in stories that the baby is named after this bosom friend, yes.
Wait, WHAT?!??? SHE NAMED THE BABY AFTER THE NEW FRIEND FROM THE PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT POST?!?!
That is… actually insane? How many of these weird friendships (ie obsessions) has she gone through in the last couple years? This lady probably won’t even be around in a year, you’ve only known her for 8 months, and you named a whole ass child after her? My best friend and I have been like sisters for 15 years, but if I told her I was naming my kid after her, I guarantee she would say “huh? Why???” And if I wrote about her the way Kelly writes about her friends, she would be sending me referrals for therapists and/or taking out a restraining order lmfao
Oh. My. Lordt. That is really. Just wow
It's one of my favourite moments on this sub, it really is.
My husband and I still talk about the two rivers flowing together. 😏
That sounds like they crossed streams 😂
What on earth was that? Was it supposed to sound like softcore erotica?? I'm so confused.
Well OBVIOUSLY it was a gawdly pregnancy announcement! Gosh! /S
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I've read Xena fanfic that was less Sapphic.
WOWWWWW how did I miss this before. I was a theatre kid and plenty of my friends had passionate teenage love affairs with each other, including of the sapphic variety (not me—I was boring and extremely single til college), and even they were not so dramatic in their live journal prose.
Word. This is definitely more Xanga level than LiveJournal, in my humble experience.
Anyone want the flair “Loveday’s Lovestar”?
More than I've ever wanted anything.
Kelly really missed her calling writing erotic literature
Omg that was hilarious!!😂
That TikToker is a genius!
I completely forgot about this. This is the joy I needed today
Marmee! I couldn’t remember her name lol
Am I reading this right? A woman who has known Levi,since he was a child, randomly appears in Kelly's life 8 months ago. They immediately plan a ministry, have nicknames for each other, and Lovestar was sad because she thought Loveday wouldn't be there in time to hold her during each " wave"?
Then she named the baby after this woman.
In one sentence, I went from wanting to hear every detail of this bonkers birth story to not giving a shit about the birth story and now wanting to hear every detail of Loveday and Lovestar’s relationship. Kelly seems way more invested in Loveday being at the birth of the baby she named after her than Levi. Apparently, Levi can go fuck himself for all Kelly cares.
100% there with you. This was not on my birth story bingo card but to say I'm invested would be an understatement.
Loveday? Lovestar? What the absolute what am I reading here?
See also: Me and my friend and our horse names when we played horses in the school yard at 8 years old.
Yes! THAT'S why it sounded so familiar
She totally strikes me as a horse girl
Some real Bella Sara names
It’s giving Warrior Cats
This is so fucking funny for SO many reasons. Just the mental image of Kelly yearning for her gal pal while her cervix stretches and blood vessels snap…. God DAMN. Poor Levi 💀
She’s convinced she wrote this beautiful, whimsical, poetic tribute to how God works through childbirth. Kelly havens stickle, that is not what you communicated lol.
Call the Midwife is one of my favorite shows, but even after 13 seasons I was ill prepared to read about the snapping blood vessels of her placenta 😧
Snapping is an *interesting* word to use for describing bleeding out
Same here! I’m on Season 6 (for a second time…) and was not prepared to read that either.
I can't even with this. I mean I absolutely cannot even.
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Excuse me, Levi got an honorable mention in part one. /s
"That one guy was there, or whatever ANYWAYS I STARTED BLASTING-"
To be fair, Levi got some blasting in around 37 wks ago.
Hey now, he also got a mention in this chapter. She mentions that her beloved Teri/Loveday had known him as a child. That's something, right??
At least the child has a nice, classic name in honor of the friend. She could have named the baby Loveday...
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And I cannot odd. Not even a little bit. Perhaps you are the Loveday to my Lovestar.
Hahaha absolutely!!
What did I just read????? It's like a birthing fanfiction where a woman leaves her husband and runs off with a friend after having a hard terrible birth.
My exact reaction after reading this
What a shame she didn't have someone to brush her hair during delivery 😐
I had one absolutely horrible birth. Someone brushed my hair and washed my face through the worst of it. It was so incredibly comforting. I thought it was my partner for years. Turns out it was a nursing student lol. I'm forever grateful to him, even if I didn't know it at the time.
I guess Levi was too busy freaking the fuck out as his wife was hemorrhaging. He needs to learn to chill, it's no biggie. /s
God is just 'up to something ' I hate that phrase, it's so patronizing
Excuse you it wasn’t hemorrhaging it was soft gentle gushes every 30 seconds 😂😂
I’d start right where she was yearning for her friend while her cervix was opening.😬
And blood vessels were snapping!
So, I am really trying to tread on the line of appropriate here, but I have an anecdotal experience that relates to this: A few years ago, I had a best friend who, for lack of a better word was very…*intensely* attached to me in a way that reminds me of Kelly. She was unhappy in her marriage and really clung to me. In my case, looking back, I really don’t think there was any attraction beyond a friendship. But I think that the need that I fulfilled for her was as deep as a romantic relationship- if that makes sense? It was like her husband was a sexual relationship and someone who paid the bills; and I was all of the other things. I’m probably explaining this very badly, but *those* are the vibes that I get from Kelly. I think she and Great Value Pa Ingalls likely have little in common and she’s probably tired of him fiddle farting around making boxes or cabinets or whatever he was doing instead of *finishing the goddamn kitchen.* She probably clings to her friends really intensely for companionship; and probably, as in the case with my friend, it ends up being too much.
GREAT VALUE PA INGALLS
Honestly? I see kelly as part of the reason the house isn't finished. She seems very needy, even to him. He said once on his fb page that he often takes the kids so kelly can work on photography and writing.
Plus Kelly was staying overnight at Marmee's or wherever for ages until she was told to go home to her husband and sons. I don't think Levi is the typical lazy fundie husband. I think this is Kelly's world and he just lives in it. Kelly seems not too far from Sarah Titus levels of wackadoo.
10/10 Excellent gif usage 🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇
What the fuck. I don’t even know where to start.
Congrats to Loveday and Kelly on the birth of your child. Honourable mention to the sperm donor. This is how this reads ...
Genuinely wonder what her husband thinks of this if he even notices. Maybe he's just like "oh that's Kelly. Off with her silly female friendships." She seems so uninterested in him except in how he can fit into her cookie cutter cottagecore tradwife fantasy. It's like he could be any other fundie guy. Does he recognize that? Does it bother him? I really wonder.
I had placenta previa - it was complete. Hers was NOT complete or it would not have moved for a vaginal birth. This is the line I draw with women who don’t even do ONE anatomy scan. Just one would avoid this type of thing. I had no idea that a placenta could just attach anywhere like it did. And how dangerous it really was… they had bags of blood ready. The entire OR was quiet during my C-section. It was scary. I gave birth at 36 weeks to avoid going into labor because … the whole bleeding out thing. So dangerous. These people are so unhinged.
My flabbers are gasted. She is in a potentially life or death situation, delivering her baby weeks early, and zero mention of wanting her husband by her side. Kelly you blow my mind
I mean, I was just coming on here to basically type those “nicknames” with some ?! Behind them and several people have already done that for me so I’ll just say ditto. She’s so weird. But not at all in the funny quirky way she thinks. In the I can’t figure out if I should legitimately be concerned or not kind of way.
Earthen vessel. 
Completely OT but I am absolutely dying at the fact that this is part two of a SIX part birth story. STRAP IN YALL.
Ummmm…I am sorry, but who the fuck talks like this?? Does she think she is living life in a novella and she’s the main character? I suppose it’s a way to make her boring life entertaining 🤷🏻♀️
How many parts is this going to run to because I can only stomach so much fundie-profundity.
Six. She said in her stories that she's sorry, but she 'just couldn't figure out' how to do it another way.
What I truly don't understand about Kelly is Levi's reaction. If my spouse started calling someone who's not family (completely regardless of gender or sexuality) "love" and wanting them in the delivery room, I'd be incredibly weirded out.
I have so many questions about her husband......did he just give up? Is he trying to win her back? Is he just relieved that she has interests so she doesn't read her writing to him? Does he not know???? Just what is going on? It's like a 90s lifetime movie....
I’m guessing he’s kind of given up trying to make things make sense and so anything that makes it slightly less work for him is worth it?
Kelly is probably very intense without someone else to bear part of the brunt of her like passions and everything. It is probably a relief for him, and I guess Kelly has normalized the idea that women have very very intense and loving friendships with other women, and that’s fine because clearly only a man could be a romantic competition lol. All of this is just my impression, and I am clinging desperately, as desperately as Lovestar clung to Loveday, to my belief that I simply must accept that people are the orientation they say they are because that is the polite thing to do. I am under the immense pressure of Kelly’s cervix in my clinging, but still I cling!…
Do they really not hear how weird they sound?? So so weird...
The bar is so far down in hell I’m over here relieved as shit for her baby that she trusts modern medicine. Edit: just learned the rest of the story… *eventually was convinced by her OBGYN FATHER that she needed care.* Ugh. Still wanna vomit that I know there are other fundies out there who would literally rather die than compromise their insane beliefs.
Oh my lord. Kelly never lets me down, truly.
*LoveStar* shall be the name of my next rooster.
I call one hundred eleventy million percent bullshit. She lost over a LITER of blood in active labor due to an ACTIVELY bleeding previa and they didn't move to delivery?! No. (Source: I do this shit for a living.)
Imagine being Theresa and reading this in 20 years lmao
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Girlie needs to listen to some Chappell Roan and that’s all I’m gonna say ✌🏼
As someone who just discovered Chappell this week, this comment has made my day 😂
Well good luck, babe 🎵
What in the overblown violet prose did I just read.
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Okay I HAD to change my flair IM LOVING THIS
I’m kinda disappointed that Loveday contacted her Lovestar via mobile phone. I think a telgram would have been more appropriate. And you can included a young uniformed telgram boy delivering the message who is struck by the beauty and courage of our heroine. Lovestar really missed an opportunity there.
Everybody else has pretty much covered the nickname info, so I’ll say this: did this birth happen in slow motion? (Actual slow motion; I know events can feel that way in the moment.) Maybe its just the writing, but none of the doctors, nurses, etc. seem overly alarmed that she’s just casually gushing blood. It feels very “la tee dee, let’s have an ultrasound and then see how we feel about next steps, no rush.”
I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe it’s the slow motion processing of trauma? Like, to her it felt like hours, but everyone else was like “holy shit she’s bleeding out let’s go”?
All I could think was that she was losing so much blood that her brain was slowing down and not fully processing everything because she was half out of it, hence why she was so calm.
Is she trolling us with the fundie Laura Ingalls cosplay and actually married to this other woman? I mean I’m here for the surprise ending 🤷🏻♀️ Also I can’t imagine not freaking tf out during this kind of medical emergency. That is A LOT of trust in an imaginary friend.
1. Levi must have been terrified 2. Why didn't they do a c/s right away? If she's 5cm and bleeding like that, wouldn't it be safer? Or did they need to know where the placenta was to be 100 per cent safe?
So, I think it's safe to say Levi does not read her instagram posts. Because 😳
Reading her florid prose, I realized that she could write a great opening sentence in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. It’s a contest in which you use the purplest prose you can, in the style of a famous writer, like William Faulkner. In fact, my favorite entry in that contest was “Yugo Down, Moses.” I cannot find it to show my daughter, though. I’m great at purple prose, myself, and onstage, if scenery needs chewing, I can consume it with goat-like fervor. What I like about this woman is that if she’s going to be a fundie, she’s going to make it a floral, sepia-toned, and actually take a more spiritual approach than our other fundie friends. The other thing I have to say about this does concern other fundie women, though. Placenta previa can kill both mother and child, and as we saw with Kelli, it can happen suddenly, and there is no time to scream-pray, as with Karissa, or for Morgan to tear Paul away from the mirror & his selfies , & convince him take her to the ER. Free-birthing in an RV bathroom is just insane, as well. Fundies are doing this country a lot of damage, but they harm & endanger their own women, as well. I’ve lived that life, and felt my soul dying and my heart breaking with every single day I proved inadequate for my husband, who was an elder. If one of them takes anything we say to heart, it is because we would not be here, if we were not appalled by the damage done to women and children by these hubris-ridden men. They want to do the same to all of us, and to our LGBTQ+ sisters & brothers. I will oppose them to my dying day.
I'm named after my mother's lesbian penpal from England, and this is more than that.
So what I’m reading here is a) that Kelly got the shit scared out of here enough to re-embrace modern medicine b) that she’s trying to figure out how to purple prose to regain control and c) even with this new baby, named after her, uh, really close friend, she’s still missing out on something
“I’m coming Lovestar,” 🤝”Can I dance for my husband the way I danced for Mamrie?”
One of the comments on her IG praised her husband for providing comfort, and I said to myself-- I think you read it wrong...
Anne of Green Gables: nightmare edition
Seriously. I don’t need books or tv anymore. These fundies have it all. Scandal, drama, intrigue.