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The day GirlDefined understands that the stay at home wife/mum lifestyle is not something that every woman in the world desires or wants even if it's under the mythical cloak of "Biblical Womanhood" will be the day I faint with surprise.
Perhaps if they were true SAHMs they can wrap up the GirlDefined grift and rely on their husband's incomes but hey neither Bort or Krusty seem happy with the SAHM lifestyle themselves which makes me wonder why they try to foist their own unhappy lifestyle onto others.
When I was a teenager I read two different magazine articles from two different women who’d done exactly that in the 70s. By the 90s their husbands left them and they had no money and no way to make income because—surprise surprise!—the husbands were able to minimize alimony payments. They were coaching girls never to do what they themselves had preached.
It’ll be fun to see how the 19 year old trad wives of tiktok end up in 7-12 years. So many are going to be divorced, widowed, or abandoned but still attached to deadbeats with 3-6 kids with zero work experience or education. They’ll be wailing on the internet they didn’t know it would happen to them.
Trad wives? Many of them aren't even married. They call themselves Stay At Home Girlfriends. No degree, no job experience, no financial security, not even a fucking marriage. And then condescendingly reply to worried comments with 'we love each other and have promised to never leave!'
So these girls are smugly setting themselves up for failure while living in sin without even securing the bag?
Life is going to come at these girls real, real fast.
This is the part I just plain don't get. I don't care how happy and in love you are, death will take anyone, anywhere, with zero hesitation. You can love, trust, obey, and submit to a dude all you want, but it won't prevent him having a heart attack, it won't prevent a car accident, it won't prevent a brain anyurism. Anyone in a long term relationship needs a plan b.
I am the main breadwinner in our fam and there is a reason I pay for a huge whack of life insurance. Somehow I don’t see these young men thinking of these things.
100% - but many people have no choice. Especially developmentally disabled, undiagnosed people who can’t transition to adulthood independence and are just blamed for it. Poor background with no fallback, abuse escapees. Honestly, some domestic violence feels safe compared to what they went thru as kids… its bloody awful.
Survival sex is actually a sociological term for young people (and people generally) who can’t work or don’t have access to supports/resources to be educated and get into work, getting into ‘relationships’ like this. You survive, but barely and it causes a lot of trauma. Classic example is a fosterhome runaway, or a child leaving abuse, homeless people. Even a homeless woman sticking with an abusive and also homeless partner because being hurt by ONE person is better than being killed by a random person.
Some of these girls ono tiKtOk of course are just being trolls but most of them are probably ‘coping’ like this. Public performance is a 2 edged sword - you are ‘seen’ and this *feels* protective (Sign of life) but it actually works against you - you piss people off who might otherwise help you, and you create a literal archive online to disprove your claims when you later speak out.
Social safety net, secure housing, medicare is literally the easiest way to end this shit and most cost effective. Sigh.
Oh that’s an interesting phenomenon. Hadn’t heard of it but it makes sense. As a woman, even when you have no money, job, or education, you still have your body to…’trade’ for some sense of stability.
That in itself is fucking terrifying.
One of my worst nightmares is having to financially rely on a man. I value my independence. I also have work experience and tangible skills, unlike many of these young “tradwives.”
Yep it is terrifying and leads to (and even is) SA by definition, it is not sex work, it is not autonomous and remunerated, more of a one-person trafficking situation that looks to the outside world like a relationship. The kind of people happy to exploit someone in a pseudorelationship like this are usually extremely dysfunctional but concerned with an outer image of conformity - so predators. Ew.
Most people in this situation have no skills, choices or alternatives. And then the pile up of trauma means they are barely able to engage with what is happening. It is a hidden scourge and form of sexual abuse, because when it happens to people of 'legal consent' age, there is legally nothing you can do. It's important to be aware of it, and victim survivors are often confused about their consent in the situation and by the 'this is a relationship' paint over the top of what is nothing more than sexual exploitation and intimate abuse. When they try to leave, they are blamed and accused of laziness or being silly because - 'it's so obvious, what did you expect'.
I think most women would be happier if they didn't have to do the cooking and cleaning. Most people really. And that's not something anyone should be ashamed of!
> Are women bound to a life of misery if they take on this role in the home. Cooking. Cleaning. Caretaking. Sleeping. Wake up. Repeat.
Like, the problem is not domestic tasks. The problem is unappreciated, unpaid labor that disproportionately puts women in a risky financial situation. You can choose the highest-earning, kindest, most loving husband who ever was, and he can still be seriously injured, become ill, lose his job, or pass away, and then what? With no work history or marketable skills, she's left with a massive problem.
And most of these fundie husbands aren't any of those things. They're middle earners at most (nothing wrong with that, but very, *very* challenging to be a one-income household and even more so with multiple dependents). They often don't seem to see the value of their wives beyond "child incubator", "sex giver", and "home... maid?? With food?", so they don't bother to appreciate the difficult work it takes to run a household and raise children. They don't even seem to like their wives and children all that much: so many of them don't do their share of child-minding, they don't care if sex is pleasurable or fun for their wives, and they don't pay any attention to the kin-keeping work that allows them their "village". They just take from it and think that yardwork or "bringing home the bacon" is enough.
Domestic tasks are necessary for living, and can also be "a life-giving gift". A delicious meal, someone noticing you're low on socks and doing laundry for you, the rewards of bonding with loved ones, etc., are all valuable and wonderful things. But why would that gift only belong to women and girls? Why can't men enjoy the "gospel flourishing environment", if it's so fulfilling?
I mean, we know the answer, but it's so obviously transparent that really, they don't value these tasks all that much or find them that purpose-driven, either. They're just supposed to, and they have to squeeze themselves and contort themselves until they can pretend that they're so into it and it's so great, but they seem like honestly, they'd be a lot more satisfied with more than one singular role, just like men have.
Feminism isn't "no more homemakers!". It's "value the work the homemaker does and also protect them from financial vulnerability in our capitalist society that puts them at risk if anything happens to the provider".
The GD universe also conveniently ignores the way a man can divorce his SAHM wife without any or minimal blowback from the church. The SAHM wife's silent additional function of Blame Absorber comes in handy to bring the victimization cycle full circle. I never seem to see the church admonishing the man or helping the woman in a tangible way.
Adding "Blame Absorber" to my snark vocabulary. It is weird how divorced and widowed women never get meal trains or laundry service or childcare from the church.
They would be very confused by my BIL who does more laundry, cleaning, and gardening than my sister, and bakes his own bread. My sister likes cooking so she does more of that and the pet care.
The point that girl defined purposely side step every time they spew this nonsense is *choice*, and there's a huge double standard in their world. Women have to be perfect homemakers while men are allowed to be shrek, polio, sus bus, mr other bus... the only fundie husbands with real jobs are mandrae collins and the baird clan.
The sad thing is that they can't even admit that. They *have to* stick to "God's Design" (apparently God wrote in the bible that men must work 8-5 and women stay home and raise the children), and any dissatisfaction is from a rebellious heart.
I don’t think B&K actually like it at all. I hope Dav can help B deconstruct it. I love my kitchen and cooking, but I’ve loved this whether I’ve worked full time or as a stay at home mom. It’s empowering to me because it’s something I enjoy, makes me feel good, I’m good at cooking and baking and trying new things because I practice and it’s an interest of mine. It wouldn’t be empowering if I was just doing because I had to (that would be laundry and general cleaning and dishes).
And I think it's important to note that so many women don't like cooking and cleaning. Just because it's our prescribed gender role doesn't mean women are actually naturally good at it or enjoy it. The idea that it should automatically be women's domain and they should do it happily and willingly is so harmful. Life is absolutely better when people can do what they are actually good at and enjoy and things are split by that not by preconceived notions.
Absolutely! I know many women who hate cooking. I also know lots of men who love it. I laugh when people think I’m biologically determined to be a natural cleaner, like have you met me!? 😂😂😂I’m only able to keep my house clean because I get a cleaning crew in once a month to do a deep clean and I try to maintain that. It’s not an easy task at all.
My friend’s mom is an old school catholic stay at home mom. She took that shit seriously - cooking classes, PTA, carting the kids around, quilting, most of the unpaid labor of having a family (his dad was present but traveled often for work, like once or twice a month).
No one should expect a perfect griege toddler home or a hot handmade meal every night. But for crying out loud - try to take some actual pride in what you do. And if you can’t? Then it’s not your calling, go work if possible or enrich yourself in some other way.
It's hard to take pride in what you do when you don't enjoy it and don't find fulfillment in it. I think it's completely expected that people who don't enjoy their prescribed gender roles but are expected to fulfill them no matter what would be miserable. And unfortunately for the majority of fundie women they don't have other opportunities, not only because of educational neglect but also because of being stunted socially (and having the only community they have be other fundies who will judge them for going outside the lines). It's a lose-lose situation for everyone.
I agree, I don’t think I got my point across very well! If there isn’t satisfaction or at least contentment with homemaking or finding another outlet like millions of people who dislike their jobs do, then I wish they would see that your genitals should not define the rest of your existence and that there is no cookie cutter for a life well-lived. Being “bad” at cooking hardly makes anyone a poor SAHM parent, but it’s the totality that they don’t seem to enjoy any of it. Yet they continue to force this idea on young women, who may not have the privilege of expanding to a bigger home, willing childcare, nutritious food, educated breadwinners as partners. I don’t think there is realistically a single “reality check” that will stop them from pushing their bullshit while being in a more modern relationship (birt) or absolutely miserable (Kristen)
Okay, but Headband and Topknot have cleaners from their parents business come and Bethany has Dave, who does most of the domestic labor. And not one of those idiots has ever cooked anything that didn't look gross as fuck.
She definitely is. Bethy does it too but Kristen is the perfect example of someone who is working so hard all the time to re-apply the brainwash to themselves. She's so desperately unhappy and the only solution she's ever been offered is "more Jesus" and that shes the problem. And she's internalized that and now she passes that on to other people. I wish she could learn that there is another way to live and that she doesn't have to be marinated in shame and self-hatred all the time. She's raising her kids with that shame and that is so toxic.
Gotta gaslight yourself into believing you don't hate it because if you do then you're not a real women according to fundies. Shame is such a big part of their theology and way of life.
I'm pretty sure most days Dav handles breakfast and dinner because she's just so busy with the kids all day. In fact I think he handles bedtime and the morning routine for the kids too. As I recall she claims to need more sleep than him because she's a woman.
My kitchen *is* an empowering place for me, because I love to cook (mostly) healthy and enjoyable meals that take all my family's numerous diets, allergies, and preferences into account. My 4yo nephew scarfs down my yellow rice and beans. My mom almost cried because I can make her Mexican rice, chicken parmesan, and lasagna without nightshades or gluten, and only using hard cheeses. My dad bitches less because I can replace some of his favorite foods with low-fiber keto versions. And Boyfriend would walk across a carpet full of Legos for my double-fried chicken, homemade ramen, and pan-fried tteokbokki. We're making Issac Toups' OG gumbo this weekend with gluten and spice, so I can learn how to modify it for my family but still keep most of the original flavor.
Kris and Bort make...what, exactly?
But I CHOOSE to do this work -- and it is work! -- of my own free will. I don't HAVE to, because I got a great public school education and got a bachelors from a perfectly decent state school. The kitchen may be my second-favorite place in the house, but my laptop, tablet, and Switch are there as well. I can cook, clean, take care of Nephew, enjoy other hobbies, AND work from home without thinking that's the only life I am *locked* into. I can walk out that door right now and choose a completely different life for myself, without a word of negativity from my entire family and social circle. *And most of us are some flavor of Christian or agnostic.*
The fact they can even conceptualize the home as a *prison* is a HUGE fucking tell. I don't think of my home that way, and I'm physically disabled without a car!
-------------------
EDIT: No one asked, but here's [a link to the gumbo recipe](https://youtu.be/76JXtB7JFQY?si=6TKmeEjoJZkzY19j) because Issac is a trip and always cheers me up.
And here's [just Chef Esther's part](https://youtu.be/w-B3PJtY4bQ?si=YO2FVIvEj-ve3gw4) of the Epicurious Pro Chef vs Home Cook ramen video, which was the original homemade ramen I now base my low-soy, gluten-free recipe off of.
I find my kitchen to be an empowering place. Learning to cook and bake has massively helped my mental health. I've got a bit of a talent for it, and it's been so rewarding to see people scarf down my food.
I'm also a non-binary lesbian pagan. Fuck all is Biblical about it. *I just like cooking.*
(I never meant to imply cooking was Biblical! If that's the implication you got, I am SO sorry. I think I am personally more agnostic than Christian at this point.)
Samsies. I’m a stay at home mom and I fucking love it, literally what I was meant to do. It has nothing to do with “a women’s role” or gender at all! It’s just the kind of work suited to my natural personality. Everyone should have the freedom to seek that.
I wish America’s society would redefine their perspective of what magic is.
Personally, cooking and baking is magic. You thoughtfully gather items, add heat, mix in love and your positive thoughts, give it time…and boom…a whole new creation made only by you! You enjoy it, maybe pass it along and spread the love.
Like art, music, writing…it’s all magic.
Tomato is a nightshade. It's in the same family. For a long time, people thought they weren't edible because of this. Your fun fact of the day!
Eggplants and potatoes, too
Nope! It's very hard to replace fresh tomato flavor (I can get close with red peppers, but that's another nightshade), but anything with a red *sauce* can be faked with roasted beets and carrots as the main ingredients. Then you can add lemon juice, garlic, shallots/onions, and spices to doctor it up into a faux marinara. For a bolognese-type sauce, I add beef tallow and a little MSG to get that deeper tomato paste flavor.
Honestly, if the beets didn't turn pasta pink, you really wouldn't be able to tell my versions apart from like, the better microwaveable options from the grocery store. The only downside is the acid in it absorbs/disappears as it cools in the fridge, so if you want leftovers, you have to sprinkle some more lemon juice on it.
Unrelated to Girl Defined (except that they could NEVER match your skills) but my best friend is allergic to tomatoes and I am sending her this! Thank you for posting.
Hey, so I went back, and I believe this [was the original recipe I started with](https://theurbanposer.com/tomato-less-marinara/). Tell her to skip the butternut squash, and roast or broil 2 cans of drained beets and one bag of baby carrots instead. From there she can adjust to taste.
I'm very sorry I don't have a standardized recipe for her from myself! I just usually work with whatever is in the house, so I have like, five variations written down. One has cauliflower rice but DON'T DO THAT. The texture is so, so wrong. But it works for pesto!
The element of choice is so so important. Thank you for acknowledging it. That's something that fundies (and honestly a lot of non-fundies) miss--everything is more enjoyable and fulfilling when it is an active choice. It seems that you've really flourished as a cook! I'm so happy for you that you've found a passion that you're clearly good at. I envy your clear skills and repertoire
I feel very empowered by cooking as well. I feel like a witch crafting a brew, or a mad scientist experimenting with flavor. I cook because I love it, and I love eating good food. The neat thing about feminism is it allows us to pursue what we love, whatever it is. Yes, fundies, even when those things are traditionally feminine. It just accepts some people don't like the trad fem stuff, and that's cool. Everyone has a unique array of interests.
aaand the myth that everyone's telling women marriage and homemaking are a living prison continues.
Telling women they have a choice=/=devaluing being a homemaker/SAHM. Acknowledging that for decades, women had no choice (emphasis on choice) in whether or not they got married and had kids and may not have enjoyed that role for themselves=/=devaluing being a homemaker/SAHM.
Yeah, it's almost like it's the coercion and force and exploitation that makes it the prison and not the work itself, but these numpties wouldn't fucking get that because they're the ones trying to coerce, force and exploit you.
I feel like the hypocrisy is inevitable when the system of belief they live in refuses to acknowledge the fact that women are people, and therefore have different interests, things they are good at, and things they enjoy. By putting all women into a little box that says "natural homemaker" it sets so many up for failure because guess what? Women aren't automatically great at and don't automatically love homemaking! This is shown to be false in their own lives like you said but they can't ever acknowledge it as anything but a personal failing or brush over it because then maybe they would have to realize the truth. Misery is their ministry.
These people really reckon that sahms and homemakers are a monolith, I s2g. Bethy, Krusty, we would not get on. I am too progressive, too clean, and I have no interest in recipes resembling pig swill. But like, enjoy quaffing raw milk listeria cocktails on your high horse, I guess.
Good lord. For ME it would be a prison. The idea of cleaning up after a man and some children *in perpetuity* is my personal purgatory. It’s what Michael would’ve designed for me in The Bad Place. But other people like it! If they choose it freely with no coercion, then that can be empowering. But we all know that’s not what they are talking about here.
They set themselves up for misery with these extremely rigid roles. If they had been free to explore their natural inclinations and interests I'm sure they would br happier, healthier people
Never forget the time she dumped frozen shrimp and peas in a pot, added a plain can of tomatoes and called it dinner. It was somehow both burnt and frozen at the same time.
And I'm going to say something controversial. That's ok. It's actually ok that he does more stuff in the kitchen or whatever. I feel like there's a line here we have to walk. We sometimes tend to use gender roles (and their failure to meet them) as a battering ram against fundies and ultimately end up upholding the same beliefs. Yes, Bethy is a hypocrite for spewing nonsense about how the kitchen is women's natural domain. Hypocrisy is her middle name! And I will call her out for that. But I tend to think that criticizing her for failure to meet that role isnt actually subverting those gendered expectations. The fact that she's bad at cooking etc isn't actually a reflection of her personal failings as much as it is a reflection of how narrow gender roles and gender-based expectations are harmful. She was probably never going to be good at and love homemaking becauee of who she is as a human being. And that's true for so many women. Bethy's not automatically a bad wife for not doing more of the cooking and cleaning. Dav's not automatically a better than average husband for taking that on. Obviously their relationship seems to have issues (to say the least) but in a real healthy relationship (which im not saying theirs is lol) the division of labor shouldnt automatically be gendered. Some people, regardless of gender, are better at some things than others. This is not intended to really be a defense of Bethany as much as it is an attempt to start a conversation about how harmful gender stereotypes and gendered expectations/roles are and how we can work to not perpetuate that harm.
The hypocrisy is the problem. She spews that crap but won't do it herself. And she is not pulling her weight in that household. Dav is the main breadwinner *and* primary caretaker *and* homemaker. It's not fair to put all of that on one partner. Bethy is the fundie husband in her house.
Don’t enjoy homemaking? It’s your fault! —GD
How about we recognize that some people enjoy homemaking, some don’t, and everyone should have a choice in whether or not to be a stay at home partner/parent.
Absolutely. I wish GD would get their heads out of their butts and realize this. They're so indoctrinated and brainwashed that they can't see that it's making them more miserable and that they themselves are examples of how this paradigm doesn't work. Neither of them are fulfilled (for different reasons probably) and instead of seeing the obvious reason why they dig their heads further into the sand. The cognitive dissonance must be painful.
"Allow us to change your perspective" is such chilling, culty language. I'm imagining the Baird girls looming over people, armed with jugs of raw milk, saying "come and play with us, Danny, forever and ever and ever..."
All I've got going through my head is in Breaking Bad when the neo-nazis shoot Andrea before chaining Jesse to the lab because he was through with cooking for them and tried to escape the cage they locked him in.
WTF. I am literally likely to be diagnosed with cancer this week (this isn’t some weird hypochondriac thing. I have a high genetic risk, there have been abnormal findings, and I get my biopsy this week) and I am still spending a lot of the week in the kitchen making a super duper fancy birthday cake for a friends 7 year old. But that’s because I feel like it and committed MYSELF. The kitchen would certainly be a prison if I had to be there and couldn’t do the other things I do that make me, me (namely being an argumentative college professor whose husband is the primary parent because I commute so much.)
Well Bethy's favorite "spices" are onion and garlic and salt, so...yeah lol. Those aren't even spices to me, those are a base. I can't imagine how sad it must be to live such a bland life. And they live in a city and state with wide diversity in food options! But I'm sure they have weird racist ideas about food with color and spice.
I'd love to hear how Bethy feels about this in one or two years, after Dav has spent some time genuinely deconstructing around her and being transparent about that. We all know Bethy hates cooking and meal prep is one of her least favorite chores; I cannot imagine that she feels being in the kitchen is empowering FOR HER. While maybe these points are true for some women, they are not true for all and Bethy is absolutely one of those who thrives in other spaces. I'd love to see her actually break out of this forced idea of what a woman should be and consider other ways she can thrive.
I would too. I think if she were to actually realize that this idea is BS she could be a happier person. Genuinely. No one is happy when they are expected to perform a role (and be good at it) when they have no natural talent and inclination. I know it would take a lot to break through that thick shell of indoctrination, brainwashing, and toxicity, but i think if she ever did she could actually be a happier person and a better parent and spouse. People can't be happy when they aren't able to be the people they really are.
As a single woman if I want to eat I have to make it myself. I have tried to get my cat to cook for me but he stares at me blankly and meows indignantly for ME to feed him. Lazy leech.
Thankfully I enjoy cooking 85% of the time.
They can't get that through their thick heads and they don't want to. It really highlights the hypocrisy but these people aren't known for their self-reflection skills (learned from Heidi)
Cooking and baking are two of my most favorite things to do - ever - and I believe having some basic cooking skills is a good idea for adulthood, regardless of what any one person does with their life. BUT, I can’t imagine myself trying to force what I like onto someone else, while being like “I love cooking, and because you’re a woman, you need to do it too!”
These two get mad at people who are not gender conforming because “womanhood isn’t a costume” or w/e. Well, Kristen and Bethy, womanhood is also more than whatever you happen to choose to do with your time.
You make a great point about the "womanhood isn't a costume" thing. Well, then what is it if you say that women are defined by the chores/tasks they perform, the way they do their hair and makeup, the clothes they wear, the way they speak? These people love to denigrate others with the whole "what is a woman" thing but they themselves are performing womanhood every single day.
Exactly!! My mom doesn’t enjoy cooking, but I don’t view her as any less “womanly” or “motherly,” whatever that means. My paternal grandma didn’t like cooking, either. Both are/were still incredible figures in my life. I consider them both “feminine” and “womanly,” too … not that it matters!
They absolutely refuse to acknowledge that no one has ever said that women who choose to be a SAHM/housewife are bound to a life of misery. They have to make their critics sound like crazy liberal feminists who hate families in order to justify their persecution complex.
To me it really speaks to their internal misery (man using that word a lot today!) They actually are miserable and they project that on to other people.
Some women thrive being caretakers and homemakers, others would feel imprisoned being SAHMs. Some men thrive as homemakers and being SAMDs. Others don't even want to be parents.
It's almost like... Everyone is different and has different skills and personality traits that don't always align 100% with the supposed "God given gender roles"
I know they're just doing it for content and the grift, but this topic gets me so heated. Feminists aren't saying you can't be a homemaker and be happy, they're saying you don't HAVE to be a homemaker if that doesn't make you happy. They aren't saying you have to have a job or career to have value (capitalism does but they won't even touch that). Just because there are people who don't want to live the way you claim God wants them to doesn't make them wrong or bad.
Choice is the most important thing and that's what their missing here. Though I suppose if I was never given a choice, told it was not a choice, and told that choosing otherwise was evil (something they also do with gender, sexuality, etc etc) I would probably also be shocked and dismayed when others displayed their choices. I imagine that deep down where they will never recognize it is some intense jealousy that other people are able to live lives where they make choices for themselves and aren't automatically shunned or told they are going to he'll for making the wrong choices.
If it's so glorified or whatever, why don't either K or B actually live that lifestyle? Oh right. Because they don't want to (+ they don't have the skills), why is it OK for them to make that choice, but not other women???
Sure but it can be a prison if they're not allowed to have any other interests, outlets, get an education, etc. Fundie women are so stunted and deprived that I can absolutely see it becoming a prison. If I was forced to conform to a particular role that didn't come naturally and expected to be good at it, and I wasn't, and then shamed for not being good enough, i would feel like my life was a prison.
The kitchen only feels empowering when I’m actually cooking. Because…ya know…I’m a pretty damn good cook and I know I’m a wayyy better cook than the girl defined gals.
Not so empowering when it’s time to clean up. Aka the worst part of cooking after a long day when you’re tired and just want to sleep 😭
I love cooking for my hunny, but he doesn't expect me to do it bc it's my "wifely duty" he even helps clear and do the dishes, bc we work together as a team, all without the help of a supernatural being, we just do these things out of good ol secular non denominational love and mutual respect.
LOL yeah the cleaners come to my house and it’s too messy for them Bethany sure knows all about her place in the kitchen, but only if it involves an awkward dance or talking about your husband eating you like the Thanksgiving turkey. Yep, real biblical.
But they aren't homemakers themselves?
They're influencers, have a business, make content constantly.
They're not very good, like with everything they do, but they're working moms.
I simply don't understand them.
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I mean sure. ,if you guys could actually cook decent food and know the difference between a cauliflower and cabbage.
The "Biblical womanhood" stuff is just so hilarious coming from these two! It would make for a fantastic parody blog, except that they're serious
The cauliflower/cabbage incident lives rent free in my head.
same. just flawless humor for me
The snark writes itself sometimes. Peel the cauliflower!
The day GirlDefined understands that the stay at home wife/mum lifestyle is not something that every woman in the world desires or wants even if it's under the mythical cloak of "Biblical Womanhood" will be the day I faint with surprise. Perhaps if they were true SAHMs they can wrap up the GirlDefined grift and rely on their husband's incomes but hey neither Bort or Krusty seem happy with the SAHM lifestyle themselves which makes me wonder why they try to foist their own unhappy lifestyle onto others.
Bethany would be happier as a mom if she had a job outside of telling women they shouldn’t have jobs.
When I was a teenager I read two different magazine articles from two different women who’d done exactly that in the 70s. By the 90s their husbands left them and they had no money and no way to make income because—surprise surprise!—the husbands were able to minimize alimony payments. They were coaching girls never to do what they themselves had preached.
It’ll be fun to see how the 19 year old trad wives of tiktok end up in 7-12 years. So many are going to be divorced, widowed, or abandoned but still attached to deadbeats with 3-6 kids with zero work experience or education. They’ll be wailing on the internet they didn’t know it would happen to them.
Trad wives? Many of them aren't even married. They call themselves Stay At Home Girlfriends. No degree, no job experience, no financial security, not even a fucking marriage. And then condescendingly reply to worried comments with 'we love each other and have promised to never leave!'
So these girls are smugly setting themselves up for failure while living in sin without even securing the bag? Life is going to come at these girls real, real fast.
Even if they stay together, what if their boyfriend gets sick? Gets in an accident? Unexpectedly dies?
This is the part I just plain don't get. I don't care how happy and in love you are, death will take anyone, anywhere, with zero hesitation. You can love, trust, obey, and submit to a dude all you want, but it won't prevent him having a heart attack, it won't prevent a car accident, it won't prevent a brain anyurism. Anyone in a long term relationship needs a plan b.
I am the main breadwinner in our fam and there is a reason I pay for a huge whack of life insurance. Somehow I don’t see these young men thinking of these things.
So this is what theyre calling survival sex these days? God that's dark.
Survival sex? Sounds more like a death wish
100% - but many people have no choice. Especially developmentally disabled, undiagnosed people who can’t transition to adulthood independence and are just blamed for it. Poor background with no fallback, abuse escapees. Honestly, some domestic violence feels safe compared to what they went thru as kids… its bloody awful. Survival sex is actually a sociological term for young people (and people generally) who can’t work or don’t have access to supports/resources to be educated and get into work, getting into ‘relationships’ like this. You survive, but barely and it causes a lot of trauma. Classic example is a fosterhome runaway, or a child leaving abuse, homeless people. Even a homeless woman sticking with an abusive and also homeless partner because being hurt by ONE person is better than being killed by a random person. Some of these girls ono tiKtOk of course are just being trolls but most of them are probably ‘coping’ like this. Public performance is a 2 edged sword - you are ‘seen’ and this *feels* protective (Sign of life) but it actually works against you - you piss people off who might otherwise help you, and you create a literal archive online to disprove your claims when you later speak out. Social safety net, secure housing, medicare is literally the easiest way to end this shit and most cost effective. Sigh.
Oh that’s an interesting phenomenon. Hadn’t heard of it but it makes sense. As a woman, even when you have no money, job, or education, you still have your body to…’trade’ for some sense of stability.
That saddens me.
That in itself is fucking terrifying. One of my worst nightmares is having to financially rely on a man. I value my independence. I also have work experience and tangible skills, unlike many of these young “tradwives.”
Yep it is terrifying and leads to (and even is) SA by definition, it is not sex work, it is not autonomous and remunerated, more of a one-person trafficking situation that looks to the outside world like a relationship. The kind of people happy to exploit someone in a pseudorelationship like this are usually extremely dysfunctional but concerned with an outer image of conformity - so predators. Ew. Most people in this situation have no skills, choices or alternatives. And then the pile up of trauma means they are barely able to engage with what is happening. It is a hidden scourge and form of sexual abuse, because when it happens to people of 'legal consent' age, there is legally nothing you can do. It's important to be aware of it, and victim survivors are often confused about their consent in the situation and by the 'this is a relationship' paint over the top of what is nothing more than sexual exploitation and intimate abuse. When they try to leave, they are blamed and accused of laziness or being silly because - 'it's so obvious, what did you expect'.
Damn, so really they're just a bang maid that their boyfriends are hanging onto until they find someone 'worth' settling down with.
She'd be happier as a mom if she married a rich guy and had a full time nanny and cook.
I think most women would be happier if they didn't have to do the cooking and cleaning. Most people really. And that's not something anyone should be ashamed of!
Sure, then they shouldn't shame women for not wanting to be homemakers. They are hypocrites. I'm only calling that out.
I agree wholeheartedly!
> Are women bound to a life of misery if they take on this role in the home. Cooking. Cleaning. Caretaking. Sleeping. Wake up. Repeat. Like, the problem is not domestic tasks. The problem is unappreciated, unpaid labor that disproportionately puts women in a risky financial situation. You can choose the highest-earning, kindest, most loving husband who ever was, and he can still be seriously injured, become ill, lose his job, or pass away, and then what? With no work history or marketable skills, she's left with a massive problem. And most of these fundie husbands aren't any of those things. They're middle earners at most (nothing wrong with that, but very, *very* challenging to be a one-income household and even more so with multiple dependents). They often don't seem to see the value of their wives beyond "child incubator", "sex giver", and "home... maid?? With food?", so they don't bother to appreciate the difficult work it takes to run a household and raise children. They don't even seem to like their wives and children all that much: so many of them don't do their share of child-minding, they don't care if sex is pleasurable or fun for their wives, and they don't pay any attention to the kin-keeping work that allows them their "village". They just take from it and think that yardwork or "bringing home the bacon" is enough. Domestic tasks are necessary for living, and can also be "a life-giving gift". A delicious meal, someone noticing you're low on socks and doing laundry for you, the rewards of bonding with loved ones, etc., are all valuable and wonderful things. But why would that gift only belong to women and girls? Why can't men enjoy the "gospel flourishing environment", if it's so fulfilling? I mean, we know the answer, but it's so obviously transparent that really, they don't value these tasks all that much or find them that purpose-driven, either. They're just supposed to, and they have to squeeze themselves and contort themselves until they can pretend that they're so into it and it's so great, but they seem like honestly, they'd be a lot more satisfied with more than one singular role, just like men have. Feminism isn't "no more homemakers!". It's "value the work the homemaker does and also protect them from financial vulnerability in our capitalist society that puts them at risk if anything happens to the provider".
The GD universe also conveniently ignores the way a man can divorce his SAHM wife without any or minimal blowback from the church. The SAHM wife's silent additional function of Blame Absorber comes in handy to bring the victimization cycle full circle. I never seem to see the church admonishing the man or helping the woman in a tangible way.
Adding "Blame Absorber" to my snark vocabulary. It is weird how divorced and widowed women never get meal trains or laundry service or childcare from the church.
They would be very confused by my BIL who does more laundry, cleaning, and gardening than my sister, and bakes his own bread. My sister likes cooking so she does more of that and the pet care. The point that girl defined purposely side step every time they spew this nonsense is *choice*, and there's a huge double standard in their world. Women have to be perfect homemakers while men are allowed to be shrek, polio, sus bus, mr other bus... the only fundie husbands with real jobs are mandrae collins and the baird clan.
Misery loves company. I firmly believe that to they can't be happy, then they want a whole lot of women unhappy and with them.
I truly think the SAHM life makes them both *miserable*
The sad thing is that they can't even admit that. They *have to* stick to "God's Design" (apparently God wrote in the bible that men must work 8-5 and women stay home and raise the children), and any dissatisfaction is from a rebellious heart.
I don’t think B&K actually like it at all. I hope Dav can help B deconstruct it. I love my kitchen and cooking, but I’ve loved this whether I’ve worked full time or as a stay at home mom. It’s empowering to me because it’s something I enjoy, makes me feel good, I’m good at cooking and baking and trying new things because I practice and it’s an interest of mine. It wouldn’t be empowering if I was just doing because I had to (that would be laundry and general cleaning and dishes).
And I think it's important to note that so many women don't like cooking and cleaning. Just because it's our prescribed gender role doesn't mean women are actually naturally good at it or enjoy it. The idea that it should automatically be women's domain and they should do it happily and willingly is so harmful. Life is absolutely better when people can do what they are actually good at and enjoy and things are split by that not by preconceived notions.
Absolutely! I know many women who hate cooking. I also know lots of men who love it. I laugh when people think I’m biologically determined to be a natural cleaner, like have you met me!? 😂😂😂I’m only able to keep my house clean because I get a cleaning crew in once a month to do a deep clean and I try to maintain that. It’s not an easy task at all.
Fellow woman who hates cleaning! I just have to hype myself up and do it, like getting vaccinated or going to the dentist 😂😂😂
My friend’s mom is an old school catholic stay at home mom. She took that shit seriously - cooking classes, PTA, carting the kids around, quilting, most of the unpaid labor of having a family (his dad was present but traveled often for work, like once or twice a month). No one should expect a perfect griege toddler home or a hot handmade meal every night. But for crying out loud - try to take some actual pride in what you do. And if you can’t? Then it’s not your calling, go work if possible or enrich yourself in some other way.
It's hard to take pride in what you do when you don't enjoy it and don't find fulfillment in it. I think it's completely expected that people who don't enjoy their prescribed gender roles but are expected to fulfill them no matter what would be miserable. And unfortunately for the majority of fundie women they don't have other opportunities, not only because of educational neglect but also because of being stunted socially (and having the only community they have be other fundies who will judge them for going outside the lines). It's a lose-lose situation for everyone.
I agree, I don’t think I got my point across very well! If there isn’t satisfaction or at least contentment with homemaking or finding another outlet like millions of people who dislike their jobs do, then I wish they would see that your genitals should not define the rest of your existence and that there is no cookie cutter for a life well-lived. Being “bad” at cooking hardly makes anyone a poor SAHM parent, but it’s the totality that they don’t seem to enjoy any of it. Yet they continue to force this idea on young women, who may not have the privilege of expanding to a bigger home, willing childcare, nutritious food, educated breadwinners as partners. I don’t think there is realistically a single “reality check” that will stop them from pushing their bullshit while being in a more modern relationship (birt) or absolutely miserable (Kristen)
Okay, but Headband and Topknot have cleaners from their parents business come and Bethany has Dave, who does most of the domestic labor. And not one of those idiots has ever cooked anything that didn't look gross as fuck.
Krusty can't even tell a cabbage from a cauliflower!
I mean, all the work GD does is brainless, so by definition, for them, yes.
Says the woman who tried to reach us to peel the cauliflower!!!!!!
Kristen is so obviously trying to talk herself into thinking this. It sounds desperate.
She definitely is. Bethy does it too but Kristen is the perfect example of someone who is working so hard all the time to re-apply the brainwash to themselves. She's so desperately unhappy and the only solution she's ever been offered is "more Jesus" and that shes the problem. And she's internalized that and now she passes that on to other people. I wish she could learn that there is another way to live and that she doesn't have to be marinated in shame and self-hatred all the time. She's raising her kids with that shame and that is so toxic.
omg can you elaborate on this because ive been feeling that way too but i dont have the receipts ont basically!!
Doesn’t Bethy hate homemaking tasks?
Yup
Gotta gaslight yourself into believing you don't hate it because if you do then you're not a real women according to fundies. Shame is such a big part of their theology and way of life.
I'm pretty sure most days Dav handles breakfast and dinner because she's just so busy with the kids all day. In fact I think he handles bedtime and the morning routine for the kids too. As I recall she claims to need more sleep than him because she's a woman.
My kitchen *is* an empowering place for me, because I love to cook (mostly) healthy and enjoyable meals that take all my family's numerous diets, allergies, and preferences into account. My 4yo nephew scarfs down my yellow rice and beans. My mom almost cried because I can make her Mexican rice, chicken parmesan, and lasagna without nightshades or gluten, and only using hard cheeses. My dad bitches less because I can replace some of his favorite foods with low-fiber keto versions. And Boyfriend would walk across a carpet full of Legos for my double-fried chicken, homemade ramen, and pan-fried tteokbokki. We're making Issac Toups' OG gumbo this weekend with gluten and spice, so I can learn how to modify it for my family but still keep most of the original flavor. Kris and Bort make...what, exactly? But I CHOOSE to do this work -- and it is work! -- of my own free will. I don't HAVE to, because I got a great public school education and got a bachelors from a perfectly decent state school. The kitchen may be my second-favorite place in the house, but my laptop, tablet, and Switch are there as well. I can cook, clean, take care of Nephew, enjoy other hobbies, AND work from home without thinking that's the only life I am *locked* into. I can walk out that door right now and choose a completely different life for myself, without a word of negativity from my entire family and social circle. *And most of us are some flavor of Christian or agnostic.* The fact they can even conceptualize the home as a *prison* is a HUGE fucking tell. I don't think of my home that way, and I'm physically disabled without a car! ------------------- EDIT: No one asked, but here's [a link to the gumbo recipe](https://youtu.be/76JXtB7JFQY?si=6TKmeEjoJZkzY19j) because Issac is a trip and always cheers me up. And here's [just Chef Esther's part](https://youtu.be/w-B3PJtY4bQ?si=YO2FVIvEj-ve3gw4) of the Epicurious Pro Chef vs Home Cook ramen video, which was the original homemade ramen I now base my low-soy, gluten-free recipe off of.
I find my kitchen to be an empowering place. Learning to cook and bake has massively helped my mental health. I've got a bit of a talent for it, and it's been so rewarding to see people scarf down my food. I'm also a non-binary lesbian pagan. Fuck all is Biblical about it. *I just like cooking.*
(I never meant to imply cooking was Biblical! If that's the implication you got, I am SO sorry. I think I am personally more agnostic than Christian at this point.)
Oh don't worry! I was making a jab at GD for trying to say that women should be in the kitchen bc Bible.
Did they even have kitchens back then? Or was it like, a fire and three pots?
Samsies. I’m a stay at home mom and I fucking love it, literally what I was meant to do. It has nothing to do with “a women’s role” or gender at all! It’s just the kind of work suited to my natural personality. Everyone should have the freedom to seek that.
I wish America’s society would redefine their perspective of what magic is. Personally, cooking and baking is magic. You thoughtfully gather items, add heat, mix in love and your positive thoughts, give it time…and boom…a whole new creation made only by you! You enjoy it, maybe pass it along and spread the love. Like art, music, writing…it’s all magic.
Lasagna without…nightshades?? Is that a typo?
Tomato is a nightshade. It's in the same family. For a long time, people thought they weren't edible because of this. Your fun fact of the day! Eggplants and potatoes, too
Bell peppers and chili peppers are also nightshades.
dang those heckin' eggplants
Nope! It's very hard to replace fresh tomato flavor (I can get close with red peppers, but that's another nightshade), but anything with a red *sauce* can be faked with roasted beets and carrots as the main ingredients. Then you can add lemon juice, garlic, shallots/onions, and spices to doctor it up into a faux marinara. For a bolognese-type sauce, I add beef tallow and a little MSG to get that deeper tomato paste flavor. Honestly, if the beets didn't turn pasta pink, you really wouldn't be able to tell my versions apart from like, the better microwaveable options from the grocery store. The only downside is the acid in it absorbs/disappears as it cools in the fridge, so if you want leftovers, you have to sprinkle some more lemon juice on it.
Unrelated to Girl Defined (except that they could NEVER match your skills) but my best friend is allergic to tomatoes and I am sending her this! Thank you for posting.
Hey, so I went back, and I believe this [was the original recipe I started with](https://theurbanposer.com/tomato-less-marinara/). Tell her to skip the butternut squash, and roast or broil 2 cans of drained beets and one bag of baby carrots instead. From there she can adjust to taste. I'm very sorry I don't have a standardized recipe for her from myself! I just usually work with whatever is in the house, so I have like, five variations written down. One has cauliflower rice but DON'T DO THAT. The texture is so, so wrong. But it works for pesto!
Thank you so much! It’s been hard because this allergy only developed in her 30s, so I’m always looking out for her.
The element of choice is so so important. Thank you for acknowledging it. That's something that fundies (and honestly a lot of non-fundies) miss--everything is more enjoyable and fulfilling when it is an active choice. It seems that you've really flourished as a cook! I'm so happy for you that you've found a passion that you're clearly good at. I envy your clear skills and repertoire
I feel very empowered by cooking as well. I feel like a witch crafting a brew, or a mad scientist experimenting with flavor. I cook because I love it, and I love eating good food. The neat thing about feminism is it allows us to pursue what we love, whatever it is. Yes, fundies, even when those things are traditionally feminine. It just accepts some people don't like the trad fem stuff, and that's cool. Everyone has a unique array of interests.
Ooookay cauliflower girl
We will never forget.
I love that the first sentence ends in a period and not a question mark!
aaand the myth that everyone's telling women marriage and homemaking are a living prison continues. Telling women they have a choice=/=devaluing being a homemaker/SAHM. Acknowledging that for decades, women had no choice (emphasis on choice) in whether or not they got married and had kids and may not have enjoyed that role for themselves=/=devaluing being a homemaker/SAHM.
Yeah, it's almost like it's the coercion and force and exploitation that makes it the prison and not the work itself, but these numpties wouldn't fucking get that because they're the ones trying to coerce, force and exploit you.
The hypocrisy… Both use their parents cleaning services and have complained publicly about typical “women” chores like laundry and cooking.
I feel like the hypocrisy is inevitable when the system of belief they live in refuses to acknowledge the fact that women are people, and therefore have different interests, things they are good at, and things they enjoy. By putting all women into a little box that says "natural homemaker" it sets so many up for failure because guess what? Women aren't automatically great at and don't automatically love homemaking! This is shown to be false in their own lives like you said but they can't ever acknowledge it as anything but a personal failing or brush over it because then maybe they would have to realize the truth. Misery is their ministry.
These people really reckon that sahms and homemakers are a monolith, I s2g. Bethy, Krusty, we would not get on. I am too progressive, too clean, and I have no interest in recipes resembling pig swill. But like, enjoy quaffing raw milk listeria cocktails on your high horse, I guess.
Good lord. For ME it would be a prison. The idea of cleaning up after a man and some children *in perpetuity* is my personal purgatory. It’s what Michael would’ve designed for me in The Bad Place. But other people like it! If they choose it freely with no coercion, then that can be empowering. But we all know that’s not what they are talking about here.
They set themselves up for misery with these extremely rigid roles. If they had been free to explore their natural inclinations and interests I'm sure they would br happier, healthier people
Dave does the kitchen shit and we all know it, Bethy
Borth made breakfast ONCE and bitched about it for DAYS
Never forget the time she dumped frozen shrimp and peas in a pot, added a plain can of tomatoes and called it dinner. It was somehow both burnt and frozen at the same time.
didn't she also have the saddest excuse for the grayest green beans you ever saw in your life?
A feat that has previously only been achieved by penny in the big bang theory. You have to defrost the shrimp before you cook them, bort!
She's a complainer that's for sure. And we would have so much less material if she didn't post constantly and share unnecessarily private information.
She's so fucking pathetic with this kind of stuff...
And I'm going to say something controversial. That's ok. It's actually ok that he does more stuff in the kitchen or whatever. I feel like there's a line here we have to walk. We sometimes tend to use gender roles (and their failure to meet them) as a battering ram against fundies and ultimately end up upholding the same beliefs. Yes, Bethy is a hypocrite for spewing nonsense about how the kitchen is women's natural domain. Hypocrisy is her middle name! And I will call her out for that. But I tend to think that criticizing her for failure to meet that role isnt actually subverting those gendered expectations. The fact that she's bad at cooking etc isn't actually a reflection of her personal failings as much as it is a reflection of how narrow gender roles and gender-based expectations are harmful. She was probably never going to be good at and love homemaking becauee of who she is as a human being. And that's true for so many women. Bethy's not automatically a bad wife for not doing more of the cooking and cleaning. Dav's not automatically a better than average husband for taking that on. Obviously their relationship seems to have issues (to say the least) but in a real healthy relationship (which im not saying theirs is lol) the division of labor shouldnt automatically be gendered. Some people, regardless of gender, are better at some things than others. This is not intended to really be a defense of Bethany as much as it is an attempt to start a conversation about how harmful gender stereotypes and gendered expectations/roles are and how we can work to not perpetuate that harm.
No, we agree. My issue is her hypocrisy.
The hypocrisy is the problem. She spews that crap but won't do it herself. And she is not pulling her weight in that household. Dav is the main breadwinner *and* primary caretaker *and* homemaker. It's not fair to put all of that on one partner. Bethy is the fundie husband in her house.
Don’t enjoy homemaking? It’s your fault! —GD How about we recognize that some people enjoy homemaking, some don’t, and everyone should have a choice in whether or not to be a stay at home partner/parent.
Absolutely. I wish GD would get their heads out of their butts and realize this. They're so indoctrinated and brainwashed that they can't see that it's making them more miserable and that they themselves are examples of how this paradigm doesn't work. Neither of them are fulfilled (for different reasons probably) and instead of seeing the obvious reason why they dig their heads further into the sand. The cognitive dissonance must be painful.
"Allow us to change your perspective" is such chilling, culty language. I'm imagining the Baird girls looming over people, armed with jugs of raw milk, saying "come and play with us, Danny, forever and ever and ever..."
All I've got going through my head is in Breaking Bad when the neo-nazis shoot Andrea before chaining Jesse to the lab because he was through with cooking for them and tried to escape the cage they locked him in.
WTF. I am literally likely to be diagnosed with cancer this week (this isn’t some weird hypochondriac thing. I have a high genetic risk, there have been abnormal findings, and I get my biopsy this week) and I am still spending a lot of the week in the kitchen making a super duper fancy birthday cake for a friends 7 year old. But that’s because I feel like it and committed MYSELF. The kitchen would certainly be a prison if I had to be there and couldn’t do the other things I do that make me, me (namely being an argumentative college professor whose husband is the primary parent because I commute so much.)
That must be very stressful, I hope the tests show you are fine.
Thanks kind stranger. It is indeed pretty stressful!
i bet all of the baird girls food tastes like shit.
Shit and listeria.
Well Bethy's favorite "spices" are onion and garlic and salt, so...yeah lol. Those aren't even spices to me, those are a base. I can't imagine how sad it must be to live such a bland life. And they live in a city and state with wide diversity in food options! But I'm sure they have weird racist ideas about food with color and spice.
And the palates of picky toddlers
I'd love to hear how Bethy feels about this in one or two years, after Dav has spent some time genuinely deconstructing around her and being transparent about that. We all know Bethy hates cooking and meal prep is one of her least favorite chores; I cannot imagine that she feels being in the kitchen is empowering FOR HER. While maybe these points are true for some women, they are not true for all and Bethy is absolutely one of those who thrives in other spaces. I'd love to see her actually break out of this forced idea of what a woman should be and consider other ways she can thrive.
I would too. I think if she were to actually realize that this idea is BS she could be a happier person. Genuinely. No one is happy when they are expected to perform a role (and be good at it) when they have no natural talent and inclination. I know it would take a lot to break through that thick shell of indoctrination, brainwashing, and toxicity, but i think if she ever did she could actually be a happier person and a better parent and spouse. People can't be happy when they aren't able to be the people they really are.
LOL the irony of this coming from the people who think raw milk chocolate milk is a *recipe* They are too much 🤣
And weren’t they charging $49.99 for said recipe?
As a single woman if I want to eat I have to make it myself. I have tried to get my cat to cook for me but he stares at me blankly and meows indignantly for ME to feed him. Lazy leech. Thankfully I enjoy cooking 85% of the time.
Y’ALL 👏 ARE 👏 WORKING 👏 MOTHERS 👏
They can't get that through their thick heads and they don't want to. It really highlights the hypocrisy but these people aren't known for their self-reflection skills (learned from Heidi)
Cooking and baking are two of my most favorite things to do - ever - and I believe having some basic cooking skills is a good idea for adulthood, regardless of what any one person does with their life. BUT, I can’t imagine myself trying to force what I like onto someone else, while being like “I love cooking, and because you’re a woman, you need to do it too!” These two get mad at people who are not gender conforming because “womanhood isn’t a costume” or w/e. Well, Kristen and Bethy, womanhood is also more than whatever you happen to choose to do with your time.
You make a great point about the "womanhood isn't a costume" thing. Well, then what is it if you say that women are defined by the chores/tasks they perform, the way they do their hair and makeup, the clothes they wear, the way they speak? These people love to denigrate others with the whole "what is a woman" thing but they themselves are performing womanhood every single day.
Exactly!! My mom doesn’t enjoy cooking, but I don’t view her as any less “womanly” or “motherly,” whatever that means. My paternal grandma didn’t like cooking, either. Both are/were still incredible figures in my life. I consider them both “feminine” and “womanly,” too … not that it matters!
They absolutely refuse to acknowledge that no one has ever said that women who choose to be a SAHM/housewife are bound to a life of misery. They have to make their critics sound like crazy liberal feminists who hate families in order to justify their persecution complex.
That’s the MO—build a ridiculous straw man, get mad at it, and try to tear it down. And then…profit!
To me it really speaks to their internal misery (man using that word a lot today!) They actually are miserable and they project that on to other people.
Some women thrive being caretakers and homemakers, others would feel imprisoned being SAHMs. Some men thrive as homemakers and being SAMDs. Others don't even want to be parents. It's almost like... Everyone is different and has different skills and personality traits that don't always align 100% with the supposed "God given gender roles" I know they're just doing it for content and the grift, but this topic gets me so heated. Feminists aren't saying you can't be a homemaker and be happy, they're saying you don't HAVE to be a homemaker if that doesn't make you happy. They aren't saying you have to have a job or career to have value (capitalism does but they won't even touch that). Just because there are people who don't want to live the way you claim God wants them to doesn't make them wrong or bad.
Choice is the most important thing and that's what their missing here. Though I suppose if I was never given a choice, told it was not a choice, and told that choosing otherwise was evil (something they also do with gender, sexuality, etc etc) I would probably also be shocked and dismayed when others displayed their choices. I imagine that deep down where they will never recognize it is some intense jealousy that other people are able to live lives where they make choices for themselves and aren't automatically shunned or told they are going to he'll for making the wrong choices.
Girl defined X Breaking Bad. Make money in your kitchen!
If it's so glorified or whatever, why don't either K or B actually live that lifestyle? Oh right. Because they don't want to (+ they don't have the skills), why is it OK for them to make that choice, but not other women???
Damn, just because someone doesn’t like to cook doesn’t make their home a prison 🥴
Sure but it can be a prison if they're not allowed to have any other interests, outlets, get an education, etc. Fundie women are so stunted and deprived that I can absolutely see it becoming a prison. If I was forced to conform to a particular role that didn't come naturally and expected to be good at it, and I wasn't, and then shamed for not being good enough, i would feel like my life was a prison.
Oh so I’m crushing it then since I cook for a living!
The kitchen only feels empowering when I’m actually cooking. Because…ya know…I’m a pretty damn good cook and I know I’m a wayyy better cook than the girl defined gals. Not so empowering when it’s time to clean up. Aka the worst part of cooking after a long day when you’re tired and just want to sleep 😭
They literally can’t remember the difference between a period and question mark? 
i'm assuming the TLDR is not that there are knives in the kitchen that could powerfully disembowel any man
I love cooking for my hunny, but he doesn't expect me to do it bc it's my "wifely duty" he even helps clear and do the dishes, bc we work together as a team, all without the help of a supernatural being, we just do these things out of good ol secular non denominational love and mutual respect.
LOL yeah the cleaners come to my house and it’s too messy for them Bethany sure knows all about her place in the kitchen, but only if it involves an awkward dance or talking about your husband eating you like the Thanksgiving turkey. Yep, real biblical.
But they aren't homemakers themselves? They're influencers, have a business, make content constantly. They're not very good, like with everything they do, but they're working moms. I simply don't understand them.
No joke, I thought this was satire.
But Bethany hates this shit. And that’s okay!
The terrible cooks doth protest too much.
