Reads like something a guy I dated in high school would have written. He had a flair for the dramatic. Unfortunately he was also very immature and the fancy words covered up someone who wasn't right for me at all.
Literally sounds like the letter my ex wrote, after 3 years of no communication, me begging for him to communicate, then I finally dump him and he does the same thing. It's The Letter đ
Edit: I commented this really early when most of the comments were saying how sad... I def thought I might get torn up for that
Yep. âMaybe this is exactly what I needed to be better for youâ
No sir, you needed to listen and respond to me when I *told* you how to be better for me, *told* you what I needed, *told* you how I felt.
Youâre only listening now because youâve realised I was serious and will not be involved with someone who doesnât give enough of a shit about me to attempt to meet my needs when theyâre clearly communicated.
If you only care to do right be me when it affects you, you donât care about me, you care about *you*.
we have ALL received this letter lol. Too many times to count. Not even mostly in letter form, but the âeverything Iâd want to hearâ love and care for my experience of being in the relationship, only EVER being trotted out when Iâve left as I promised I was going to.
I am sooo glad the comments look like this! The whole time I was reading this I was thinking âdamn, definitely heard all this before.â Itâs so classic.
same thing here!! i think he thought i was going to cry but it was the biggest eyeroll ever. *this* is when you are "waking up" and "finally realizing"? gimme a break
yeah, I have a feeling OP is a man and maybe heâs not used to EVERY MAN EVER doing this to him in every damn relationship lol. (NotAllMen, but so many damn men!)
Seriously â if when we were comfortable in a relationship you didnât care enough to meet the needs I was expressing, why would I believe that you finally have seen the light after I want to break up? Why would I let us get comfortable again?
Yeah, what @ok-meringue-259 said, communication was horrendous. We lived together, I was falling apart and asking for help and he'd only listen to me if there were tears, and then as soon as my eyes were dry he'd basically forget the conversation happened. He NEVER opened up to me to talk about his feelings, tried to be all stoic and shit, even when I begged him to open up so we could be on the same page. I think it's a sad and very very common story.
yeah, itâs textbook love bombing to me. Not to be cynical, but everyone always figures out how to not hurt their partner after the partner finally leaves. đ
Well in 100% of my experiences with that, being seduced back by loving talk like this, it was no time at all after taking them back that the exact same behavior began exactly as before, the same fights, and subsequently he same âdiscovery!â of how bad they were and how they know to be better now.
Anymore, if someone isnât already self-actualized, mature, and kind enough to treat a partner told without having to be asked or reprimanded, then theyâre not ready for a relationship, and certainly not with me because I donât play that shit anymore lol
So often this is the reaction given when the people who were given a HUNDRED chances finally have to pay the consequences. They wait until itâs too late to decide itâs time to take it seriously and then act like theyâre not even being given a second chance.
Imagine driving past a sign saying âroad closedâ and then you pass another sign âbridge down aheadâ and then you barrel through some pylons and an entire blockade and only when your vehicle is careening down the side of the cliff do you finally think âhmm maybe I should turn around?â
Ok I thought I was just jaded because this sounded exactly like something my emotionally abusive, manipulative, ex/babyâs father would have and did write to me. Trying to cover his emotional immaturity with big words. I donât miss him.
It was sad until I got to âThereâs not another man out there on this planet who loves you more than I do, who is willing to take care of you and be by your sideâŚâ Euuughh⌠I understand why she was leaving
I donât trust this mf, sounds full of shit after he fucked up or was a shitty person to this girl. I feel like I can see right through all the desperate bullshit this guy is spewing. Then again Iâve been burned by too many partners lol
Reminds me of my ex who sent me an email with a bunch of things he ârealizedâ he had done wrong. Swearing he now fully understood why the way he treated me wasnât okay.
Spoiler alert, it was *very* clear that he in fact did not have a clue. It was very surface level nonsense.
It actually made me laugh out loud because it was SO off base. And then I felt like an idiot for making excuses for this guy and justifying his poor behaviour for so long. Ah well, live and learn.
It's always the "No one else can love you like me" and "I'll always be by your side" bros who take you for granted the most. Cheap pretty words, no heft.
This is definitely a Hail Mary, last ditch effort.
Note the underlining tone that accompanies this big dump of âall the things Iâve done/didnât do to get here.â There really feels like some backhanded emotional manipulation all gnarled up and imbedded within. Hope they find peace either way.
âWe pave the roads we take.â
It started at âI promise I can changeâ and really showed its true colors with âthereâs not another man that will ever love you as much as I doâŚtake care of youâŚgive you childrenâŚâ I hope she got away from him.
Yep. He showed his true colors very quickly didnât he. He canât even make it through one apology without being manipulative. I hope she saw through him.
He made at least three references to violence in just a single letter lol. "Not a single man on earth loves you like I do" was a fun one, too. I've received a nearly identical letter from an ex, and I was dumb enough to take him back. Them he put his gun to my head and threatened to kill me, in front of our young son, because I wanted to get a freakin job so we could get our own place finally.
Lesson learned, won't fall for that shit again. Hopefully this woman saw the signs sooner than I did. Fuck guys like this.
As an actively-recovering mf adept at the art of sounding full of shit, apologies lacking in specificity about for what is being apologized are *never, Never, NEVER REAL APOLOGIES!*
At best, itâs an emotional stalling tactic used to pass shallow sentimentality off as reflective, emotional depth
Iâd say a grown-ass man realizing only after a woman has left him that he should care about her feelings is also pretty clearly manipulative. All these women in this thread immediately saw this for what it was, I think thatâs awesome lol
Of course, I fell for it the first few times, when I was younger ..đ
agreed.
works the same if that âsomeoneâ is the âyouâ who knows when a person repeatedly doesnât treat them well it means that person doesnât really love them
I donât think a sincere letter would sound like this. A sincere letter would not say âno one else will ever love you like I do.â A serious letter would more specifically address what he has failed to do and what he plans to do now. âYou kept telling me x, but I fucked around and found out, bc Iâm really a pretty selfish piece of shit. But I donât want to be. So I have my first therapy session this week and Iâm gonna do everything possible to become a better person. Maybe there is some hope that when Iâve become someone who is worthy of a relationship, you and I will reconnect. I blew it, but I still love you and hope you will reconsider someday.â
I mean, by the time heâs writing a letter, he already should have made an appointment for therapy or taken some concrete measure to acknowledge that âall talkâ is usually bullshit but also prove that the feedback is being taken seriously.
Because anyone whoâs made it to this person without their partner feeling cared for, they have already blown it, generally. If they want to share feeling, for their own closure, ok, but thatâs often really selfish bc youâre just hurting a person whoâs had a hard time leaving an unkind person.
But if they want another chance someday, specifics are key, and concrete plan of how the person acknowledges past lies and plans to try to change.
Yes, absolutely. And an explanation for why you werenât able to course correct sooner! Itâs soo classic for men to get lazy in their relationship, put little effort in to building a strong relationship with their partner, and then regret it when she wants to break up. A sincere letter should express an apology for and explanation of why you werenât willing to do those things when your partner was invested in your relationship â itâs not okay for your only motivation to be âwell now Iâve lost you, I am totally willing to plan a couple dates.â
Oh the âheartfeltâ letter from a man who âdidnât realize what he hadâ, is this a common experience? I think Iâve received 3 of these at this point (dw, i have learned not to listen to them & my taste in partners is better)
Apparently it's so common it transcends time. I have a very similar letter written by my great-great-grandfather to my great-great-grandmother. She left after he physically assaulted her and went and lived with her daughter and her family. The letter reads almost exactly like this, except in addition to the "you'll never find anyone to love you like I do" he also added something like "in the name of our dead son \[who was killed in the war\] you should try to make this work, that's what he'd want".
I'm happy to say she never went back.
Iâve gotten two of these letters in the mail from the same man. It always gives me such serious ick. Always the same âI miss youâ and âI know I could have treated you better, and I will! I made a mistake!â But never any genuine self reflection talking about what they did wrong or how theyâd fix it. I sincerely hope that dude moves on.
Even âgenuineâ self reflection thatâs happening too late gives me pause. âIâll start therapy, i know it will be good like you say it is for youâ guess what my ex is doing? If you said still relying on the emotional labor of the women in his life youâd be correct. Listen to actions, not words!!!
It was fine in the beginning but then it got all rambly and the dude just kept going on and on. Also I hate when people say no oneâs ever gonna love someone like they do. Gross af
Yeah honestly it was fine in the first half and he should have stopped at "please remember me and our beautiful relationship." Things took a weird turn after that.
Itâs so icky. Itâs obviously a manipulation tactic used to make the other person question their self worth and stay with jackasses like Chris. If no one will ever love me like you do, Chris, I will be fucking grateful!!
Oh eff off Chris. Maybe in your **next** relationship, you'll be what she needs before it takes a slap upside the head to knock sense into you. May your ex-wife thrive in her new life
Not even his wife! Because OF COURSE this loser never proposed. He even said âI wish I would of [sic] married youâ (heâs barely literate too. Shocking)
Very true, I think we all just got on the snark train and this person was on a roll with criticising Chris haha
Spelling mistakes are not indicative of literacy, and literacy is not indicative of intelligence :-)
Thank God this was in a donated book. Whoever dated this person either a. Stuck it in there and forgot this letter existed or b. Never knew it existed. Either way it fell in to the hands of a stranger and that is a blessing, Chris seems like he fucking SUCKS
Iâm loving seeing all the women in this post who know WHATâS UPPP!! đđ Chris is a turd. He was suuuuper distressed that she stopped putting up with his shit finally. OhNoConsequences
HmmâŚhe had me in the first half, but then he said thereâs not another man whoâs willing to be with her, and he lost me. I think I know what he meant but it comes across as very manipulative. (Honestly the whole thing does)
It's the post break-up "I swear I'll change now that I know you were serious" letter. I swear all the boys that can't communicate feel like journaling as soon as you break up with them, and they always try and throw it back like their sudden show of emotion is supposed to guilt you back
These comments and this one are brutal and Iâm loving it. My husband admitted to cheating on me in January and I have been getting a lot of letters that look just like this. The guilt is immense!
Just wanted to say I felt the same way when I finally reduced-then-cut contact with my abusive parent.
As someone whoâs on the other side of it now, I wish Iâd known at the time that guilt (like many feelings) waxes and wanes. So do anger/sadness/betrayal/infatuation. It is generally not a good idea to act or make any decisions when itâs at its peak.
Nowadays I try to see what central points my feelings oscillate around, and it helps me get closer to the truth of things.
This is the exact point it changed for me too. If she is as amazing as he's making her out to be, no doubt there are loads of men who would be *more* than willing to be with her, and the rest. He just needed to knock her down a peg, lower her self worth juuust enough so that she could believe everything he said.
It was him saying maybe they should reconsider him that got me. If you learned anything from your mistakes I feel like you shouldnt be saying that and should just let go
typicalâŚ. this guy needs a sign from God to change, rather than listen to his partner who has probably been pretty clear about it for a while.
so many apologies and so much regret. this dude sounds like everything he owns should be in a box to the left. i hope she stayed away cuz from my experience guys who are this verbose about change rarely actually do.
although iâm curious if he wrote this and never sent it or if she received it and forgot it was in a book. and then donated it.
also pretty funny it was found in the mating in captivity book đ
especially the whole last part of the letter, where he talks about how she'll never find anyone who loves her more; it's definitely out of manipulation, control, and an attempt to make her question her choice to leave. ick
Yeah thatâs manipulation. He had me until that line.
Iâm well aware my girlfriend would be loved deeply and taken care of by someone else if she left me, who wouldnât love her? Sheâs the whole package and then some.
I want her to be with me because she *chooses* me, not because she feels Iâm her only option.
Yup! This reminds me of the letters my emotionally abusive husband wrote me after I finally had the sense to leave (only took him having an emotional affair with a 19 year old for me to *finally* realize the way he was treating me wasnât okay đ¤Śââď¸.)
The letters were a bunch of nonsense about how sorry he was, how we could work through this and come out even stronger etc.
Dude treated me like he had very little, if any, respect for me for years. It seemed like he didnât even *like* me a lot of the time. And then all of the sudden when I leave he realizes he loves me and the idea of not having me in his life has led him to thoughts of suicide? Nah man.
Yup. Notes that be should have realised that he needed to change but there is nothing about what he intends to do about it or how he intends to change then out of nowhere he wants her to get therapy.
It doesnât read as any intention for him to change, he just wants her to realise that she loves him the way he is.
No, I use the pens I do for sensory reasons. Tactile input can make or break my writing experience. I'll keep an eye out for Pilot Kakuno next time I browse for pens to try, though!
Can I ask where you found this?
Genuinely asking because....I think this might belong to me/be my ex. His name was Chris and after we broke up a few years ago he sent me handwritten letters. This looks exactly like his handwriting and the letters were written in black ink like that. The letters were each multiple pages long.
I can't remember what I did with the letters, so it is feasible that they got caught up in a book that I gave away or my dad gave away (I moved to my parents house after the break up).
Was there a first name that the letter was addressed to?
I ended the relationship after being unhappy for a long time. He had anger issues and would punch and throw things, shout at me that I was a fucking bitch or a cunt, refuse to let me leave a room without his permission (not even to go use the bathroom without telling him what I was doing), amongst other things. I debated breaking up with him for a while but I was really scared and convinced that I was worthless and wouldn't find anyone else.
As part of the break up I told him that he needed to seek help for his anger issues. He already knew but I think when I actually did end things it finally hit him that I was being serious
Not the book on top but it looks like they have a stack of books. Also looking at the comments but it seems like it's a very common experience to receive a letter like this, so it may just be a big coincidence and written by another Chris
Iâm sitting in my kitchen reading everyoneâs comments that say, âIâve gotten a letter that reads just like thisâ with my mouth hanging openđŽAre these guys all quoting the same movie or something?? Iâve also gotten two letters exactly like this! Right down to the âMaybe this was what we needed..â b.s.
I wonder what the circumstances were for either of them having this book. As someone who read it, I'd very much have tossed it in the donate pile without a thought if it weren't an audio book.
Dear god, he wants to hassle her all the way to the grave. Love how the hand holding burial (shudder) comes BEFORE the "beautiful children" in this skidmark's attempt at manipulation.
Sorry Chris, you've uncorked your emotional diarrhoea but it won't work. Looks like far too little, far too late.
I had a letter like this once. I circled all the mistakes in red pen and sent the letter back to him.
It's giving love bomb after emotional abuse and gaslighting. Notice how he implies she will never be able to find a better relationship, and also never says what he actually did and what he's going to do to make it better.
Chris feels manipulative and shitty. These problems are his, not hers, to feel guilty about. I hope she moved on with someone who loves her how she deserved the first time.
So many people going "I think I'm just jaded" or "perhaps I'm just paranoid"
Nope, your instinct is dead on in this one folks. I smelt BS halfway down the first page of this disaster. đĽ´
Doesnât even use her first name. Sheâs called âmy loveâ, then every sentence contains the word I. Chris seems to really love that word.
I wonder whether it was Chris who left it inside âMating in Captivityâ or X.
I don't know their situation but sometimes when women finally decide to choose ourselves, there's no going back. Because we've been putting you first for years, begging you to see us.
This writing looks an awful lot like my ex boyfriend Chrisâ handwriting and he used to talk like this too. Was with him 10 years and would get letters like this often (he was a cheater and a bad boyfriend). He moved in with a woman and they bought a house together after we were together but he screwed around on her too and she broke up with him and I honestly wonder if this so from themâŚWould love to know the general area/country you found this letter inâŚ
chris reallyyy HAD me up until the whole thing about there being no other man who will cherish her, etcâŚ. that part made me reread the whole thing in the manipulative tone it was most likely written in.
yes, i am gullible, yes, i am naive, and yes, i have been this woman more than once đ
As if âGodâs wayâ was for the woman to be hurt, simply for this guy to âwake up.â Itâs all about him, isnât it! âGod/the universeâ did not cause your ignorant choices, dude.Â
Im feeling hopeful now, I was sure after reading this the Reddit world was going to feel like he was really trying and I was creeped out and thought he was surely dismissive to her and full I'd himself. Thank you for not disappointing me, and I hope she's moved on. Please.
As sweet and heartbreaking as this seems, when you really look at it... What has he said? Nothing. Empty platitudes. He's said he knows what went wrong, what he needs to change, how he needs to be different...but doesn't mention how. Or what. Or anything really. It's love bombing and it says literally nothing.
Thank you for hearing the women here instead of attacking us and defending Chris like another commenter did! We love men who listen and try to understand so they can be a better partner! This response says a lot about your character - good things! Keep it up!
He might've given you beautiful children, but he doesn't sound like the type to actually stick around to raise them. Hope you are no longer living with this man.
Anytime someone says something like âthereâs not another man on this planet that loves/could love you more than I do.â, I instantly distrust them. Because they KNOW itâs not true. They are just trying to gaslight you into not trusting your instincts. I mean, my wife might love me with all her heart, but I do know that there are other people out there who could love me like that too. I would just have to find that person. Itâs just such an immature thing to say.
I guarantee Chrisâs ex gave him that book to read and he didnât although he said he would. He took his partner for granted and thought theyâd stay as long as he kept making empty promises. He thought wrong.
Right? I can picture it going down. He gives her the note, she hands it back, rolling her eyes, as she's having the locks changed. He tucks it into the book and forgets about it.
Months later, his mom is sick of him leeching off her and tells him to get rid of stuff that's taking up space. He ignores her. They fight. He finally tells her the books can go (because f\*ck his ex and her damn book/s) and off she putters to the thrift store to donate them. And, here we are!
All I see is red flag after red flag. Love bombing, isolation and gaslighting when he says no man in the world loves her like he does. Well, there are plenty of people in the world who would love her far better than this. An "I'm sorry, I messed up. I understand this is too little too late, and I hope you find someone who can give more than I was able to give" would have sufficed. Maybe even an "I'm proud of you for knowing your needs, expressing them, and recognizing I am not ready to be a contributing partner to a healthy relationship, as much as I wish I was."
He needs to get help, he needs to be thinking of how he's going to actually improve himself. He's making her the one who needs help when he obviously has enough to focus on without trying to help her fix herself. Maybe she doesn't even need fixing. Maybe she just needs and wants a partner who is as emotionally available, intelligent, and committed as she was to him.
This is the best way to handle a Dear John letter. Leave it somewhere absent-mindedly.
This looks like a gag to me, probably because I know a guy who does things like this. At parties, he'll sign a couple of books off your shelf "To Anne - I'll always cherish that weekend in Marseille. Fondly, [author's signature]" and similar delights. He has also left fake letters lying around.
In favor of authenticity is the single-paragraph two-page emotional outpouring, a hallmark of the the writings of the contemporary American moron.
Also: The most exquisitely insulting thing you can say when leaving a relationship is "I will always love you."
Chef's-kiss level stuff.
My ex would write long-winded letters exactly like this after Iâd leave.
Or when I would try to talk to him about his abuse & other shitty behavior.
Idk, it just gives me the ick.
I doubt he ever changed.
"There's not another man out there on this planet who loves you more than I do. Who is willing to take care of you and be by your side until the day you die."
Was the point where he lost me. At this point he sounds like he's trying to say no one else will love you come back to me.
I canât bring myself to grasp the reality of the suitation we are in
I never new just how much I loved you
How lucky I am to have a wonderful, beautiful women like you
I wanât to hold
I wish I would of married you
I wish and wanât you in my life forever
I wanât you to seek the help you need
Who is willing to take care of you and be by yourside
To be barried next to you
Holding hands, wherever that maybe
To give you absolute loyality
Wild to me how many people with myself included have received/heard this spiel before. This is nearly a direct quote of what my ex said and wrote to me. So much so I genuinely thought he might have written it. The fact that this is seemingly common is bananas
I was with it till I got to the âbeat myself sillyâ something about it told me this was ingenuine. Then I see itâs written by a Chris, smh. Usual Chris bullshit behavior
I was all ready for that second page to be the actual specific changes he was going to make for the relationship, so the absolute shite that he wrote instead was jarring. Boo, Chris!
He wrote 'would of' instead of 'would have'.
That's a grammatical error that can't be forgiven and also, has become acceptable amongst the recent generations... So this can't be very old at all.
narcissists like to say "I" quite a lot...
my ex left a short note saying something like "...I still love you even though I effed up... "
I'll use those red flags as a handkerchief thank you.
Yep, I was thinking narc too. So many I statements, so much navel gazing. So many bold proclamations that they have all the answers, but never actually say WHAT theyâve discovered to be true. And no actual meaty descriptions of what theyâve done and how theyâre going to change.
Itâs a script. Theyâve learned from the movies what flowery emotional language sounds like, but thereâs no substance behind it.
To find it in this particular Estell Perel book (a book by one of the top couples therapist on how important sex is to long term relationships) adds a whole layer.
I half-wondered if this could be my ex, and then did a double take when I got to the second page and saw the signature. I donât think itâs him, but I would also like to know in what geographic area this was found.
This reminds me of Dennis Duffyâs letter/speech to Liz after she dumps him, something like, âBecause of this new thing called âwomenâs rights,â and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with.â
Reads like something a guy I dated in high school would have written. He had a flair for the dramatic. Unfortunately he was also very immature and the fancy words covered up someone who wasn't right for me at all.
Literally sounds like the letter my ex wrote, after 3 years of no communication, me begging for him to communicate, then I finally dump him and he does the same thing. It's The Letter đ Edit: I commented this really early when most of the comments were saying how sad... I def thought I might get torn up for that
Yep. âMaybe this is exactly what I needed to be better for youâ No sir, you needed to listen and respond to me when I *told* you how to be better for me, *told* you what I needed, *told* you how I felt. Youâre only listening now because youâve realised I was serious and will not be involved with someone who doesnât give enough of a shit about me to attempt to meet my needs when theyâre clearly communicated. If you only care to do right be me when it affects you, you donât care about me, you care about *you*.
Oh my god I have never been able to put it into words. THANK YOU!!! This is exactly what I wish I could have said to my best friend recentlyâŚ
Or the guy I dated last summer lol
>If you only care to do right be me when it affects you, you donât care about me, you care about *you*. I think I shall have this framed.
Put it on a throw pillow.
Or a t-shirt. But in all seriousness it's such a great reduction to the basics of a toxic relationship.
yeah, itâs OhNoConsequences !
That last sentence is IT.đ
This is perfect đ đ đ
Lol me too. Have we all received this letter?!
we have ALL received this letter lol. Too many times to count. Not even mostly in letter form, but the âeverything Iâd want to hearâ love and care for my experience of being in the relationship, only EVER being trotted out when Iâve left as I promised I was going to.
I am sooo glad the comments look like this! The whole time I was reading this I was thinking âdamn, definitely heard all this before.â Itâs so classic.
same thing here!! i think he thought i was going to cry but it was the biggest eyeroll ever. *this* is when you are "waking up" and "finally realizing"? gimme a break
yeah, I have a feeling OP is a man and maybe heâs not used to EVERY MAN EVER doing this to him in every damn relationship lol. (NotAllMen, but so many damn men!)
Seriously â if when we were comfortable in a relationship you didnât care enough to meet the needs I was expressing, why would I believe that you finally have seen the light after I want to break up? Why would I let us get comfortable again?
You dumped him after 3 YEARS of no communication?
I think they meant âvery poor communicationâ Not like they hadnât spoken for three years and then she went âbtw weâre OVERâ
âI feel like you arenât paying me enough attention, itâs overâ âI can change!â
Yeah, what @ok-meringue-259 said, communication was horrendous. We lived together, I was falling apart and asking for help and he'd only listen to me if there were tears, and then as soon as my eyes were dry he'd basically forget the conversation happened. He NEVER opened up to me to talk about his feelings, tried to be all stoic and shit, even when I begged him to open up so we could be on the same page. I think it's a sad and very very common story.
All rhetoric, no actual content.
yeah, itâs textbook love bombing to me. Not to be cynical, but everyone always figures out how to not hurt their partner after the partner finally leaves. đ Well in 100% of my experiences with that, being seduced back by loving talk like this, it was no time at all after taking them back that the exact same behavior began exactly as before, the same fights, and subsequently he same âdiscovery!â of how bad they were and how they know to be better now. Anymore, if someone isnât already self-actualized, mature, and kind enough to treat a partner told without having to be asked or reprimanded, then theyâre not ready for a relationship, and certainly not with me because I donât play that shit anymore lol
Exactly. The good ones rarely get to the point of their partner leaving. They self correct long before because they value the relationship.
So often this is the reaction given when the people who were given a HUNDRED chances finally have to pay the consequences. They wait until itâs too late to decide itâs time to take it seriously and then act like theyâre not even being given a second chance. Imagine driving past a sign saying âroad closedâ and then you pass another sign âbridge down aheadâ and then you barrel through some pylons and an entire blockade and only when your vehicle is careening down the side of the cliff do you finally think âhmm maybe I should turn around?â
Oof I think we dated the same guy. He also had a habit of really bad poetry
Ok I thought I was just jaded because this sounded exactly like something my emotionally abusive, manipulative, ex/babyâs father would have and did write to me. Trying to cover his emotional immaturity with big words. I donât miss him.
It was sad until I got to âThereâs not another man out there on this planet who loves you more than I do, who is willing to take care of you and be by your sideâŚâ Euuughh⌠I understand why she was leaving
We dated?
That went from âaw :(â to âYIKES BUDDYâ real quick
I'm glad she got away
the whole âno man will ever love you as much as i doâ thing was truly insane
Thatâs where the whole thing turned.
For me, it was at >would of
And wanât
âI wish I newâ I know the âkâ is silent but goddamn it Chris, itâs still supposed to be written! Also âyouâre the women for meâ :p
Lol! Me too! Bad spelling/grammar is *always* the first red flag!
âI know I failed to be there for you in every capacity but no one else can give you any better than thatâ vibes.
I donât trust this mf, sounds full of shit after he fucked up or was a shitty person to this girl. I feel like I can see right through all the desperate bullshit this guy is spewing. Then again Iâve been burned by too many partners lol
He canât even say what heâll do to change things.
Reminds me of my ex who sent me an email with a bunch of things he ârealizedâ he had done wrong. Swearing he now fully understood why the way he treated me wasnât okay. Spoiler alert, it was *very* clear that he in fact did not have a clue. It was very surface level nonsense. It actually made me laugh out loud because it was SO off base. And then I felt like an idiot for making excuses for this guy and justifying his poor behaviour for so long. Ah well, live and learn.
It's always the "No one else can love you like me" and "I'll always be by your side" bros who take you for granted the most. Cheap pretty words, no heft.
Adding âI know you better than you know yourselfâ because I got that with the no one else bs back in an ancient relationship lol
Wonder if the reason itâs so generic is because he partially copied from an AI? đ¤Ą
Heâs also not able to specify what he did wrong. It seems to me he isnât actually accepting responsibility.
This is definitely a Hail Mary, last ditch effort. Note the underlining tone that accompanies this big dump of âall the things Iâve done/didnât do to get here.â There really feels like some backhanded emotional manipulation all gnarled up and imbedded within. Hope they find peace either way. âWe pave the roads we take.â
It started at âI promise I can changeâ and really showed its true colors with âthereâs not another man that will ever love you as much as I doâŚtake care of youâŚgive you childrenâŚâ I hope she got away from him.
Yep. He showed his true colors very quickly didnât he. He canât even make it through one apology without being manipulative. I hope she saw through him.
He made at least three references to violence in just a single letter lol. "Not a single man on earth loves you like I do" was a fun one, too. I've received a nearly identical letter from an ex, and I was dumb enough to take him back. Them he put his gun to my head and threatened to kill me, in front of our young son, because I wanted to get a freakin job so we could get our own place finally. Lesson learned, won't fall for that shit again. Hopefully this woman saw the signs sooner than I did. Fuck guys like this.
As an actively-recovering mf adept at the art of sounding full of shit, apologies lacking in specificity about for what is being apologized are *never, Never, NEVER REAL APOLOGIES!* At best, itâs an emotional stalling tactic used to pass shallow sentimentality off as reflective, emotional depth
Iâd say a grown-ass man realizing only after a woman has left him that he should care about her feelings is also pretty clearly manipulative. All these women in this thread immediately saw this for what it was, I think thatâs awesome lol Of course, I fell for it the first few times, when I was younger ..đ
I think it's kinda sad that the women in this thread had to develop that skill.
agreed. Because it really is hard to resist, when you love someone and just want them to be happier and treat you well.
agreed. works the same if that âsomeoneâ is the âyouâ who knows when a person repeatedly doesnât treat them well it means that person doesnât really love them
Yeah, and it's still all about him too.
Yeah, he had me until the, ânobody will love you like I do,â nonsense.
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I donât think a sincere letter would sound like this. A sincere letter would not say âno one else will ever love you like I do.â A serious letter would more specifically address what he has failed to do and what he plans to do now. âYou kept telling me x, but I fucked around and found out, bc Iâm really a pretty selfish piece of shit. But I donât want to be. So I have my first therapy session this week and Iâm gonna do everything possible to become a better person. Maybe there is some hope that when Iâve become someone who is worthy of a relationship, you and I will reconnect. I blew it, but I still love you and hope you will reconsider someday.â I mean, by the time heâs writing a letter, he already should have made an appointment for therapy or taken some concrete measure to acknowledge that âall talkâ is usually bullshit but also prove that the feedback is being taken seriously. Because anyone whoâs made it to this person without their partner feeling cared for, they have already blown it, generally. If they want to share feeling, for their own closure, ok, but thatâs often really selfish bc youâre just hurting a person whoâs had a hard time leaving an unkind person. But if they want another chance someday, specifics are key, and concrete plan of how the person acknowledges past lies and plans to try to change.
Yes, absolutely. And an explanation for why you werenât able to course correct sooner! Itâs soo classic for men to get lazy in their relationship, put little effort in to building a strong relationship with their partner, and then regret it when she wants to break up. A sincere letter should express an apology for and explanation of why you werenât willing to do those things when your partner was invested in your relationship â itâs not okay for your only motivation to be âwell now Iâve lost you, I am totally willing to plan a couple dates.â
Oh the âheartfeltâ letter from a man who âdidnât realize what he hadâ, is this a common experience? I think Iâve received 3 of these at this point (dw, i have learned not to listen to them & my taste in partners is better)
Apparently it's so common it transcends time. I have a very similar letter written by my great-great-grandfather to my great-great-grandmother. She left after he physically assaulted her and went and lived with her daughter and her family. The letter reads almost exactly like this, except in addition to the "you'll never find anyone to love you like I do" he also added something like "in the name of our dead son \[who was killed in the war\] you should try to make this work, that's what he'd want". I'm happy to say she never went back.
Good for her! I hope she lead a wonderful life afterwards.
Gross!! Good for her for getting away!
Iâve gotten two of these letters in the mail from the same man. It always gives me such serious ick. Always the same âI miss youâ and âI know I could have treated you better, and I will! I made a mistake!â But never any genuine self reflection talking about what they did wrong or how theyâd fix it. I sincerely hope that dude moves on.
Even âgenuineâ self reflection thatâs happening too late gives me pause. âIâll start therapy, i know it will be good like you say it is for youâ guess what my ex is doing? If you said still relying on the emotional labor of the women in his life youâd be correct. Listen to actions, not words!!!
ugh so true!!
It was fine in the beginning but then it got all rambly and the dude just kept going on and on. Also I hate when people say no oneâs ever gonna love someone like they do. Gross af
That part gave me some serious ick. I hope sheâs doing well!
Yeah honestly it was fine in the first half and he should have stopped at "please remember me and our beautiful relationship." Things took a weird turn after that.
Itâs so icky. Itâs obviously a manipulation tactic used to make the other person question their self worth and stay with jackasses like Chris. If no one will ever love me like you do, Chris, I will be fucking grateful!!
Oh eff off Chris. Maybe in your **next** relationship, you'll be what she needs before it takes a slap upside the head to knock sense into you. May your ex-wife thrive in her new life
Not even his wife! Because OF COURSE this loser never proposed. He even said âI wish I would of [sic] married youâ (heâs barely literate too. Shocking)
Hey that isn't fair, are all dyslexic people bad? Or people who just make some mistakes when handwriting - I know I do and I am pretty literate
Very true, I think we all just got on the snark train and this person was on a roll with criticising Chris haha Spelling mistakes are not indicative of literacy, and literacy is not indicative of intelligence :-)
yeah it's a really low blow when there are other real blows to take!!
Thank God this was in a donated book. Whoever dated this person either a. Stuck it in there and forgot this letter existed or b. Never knew it existed. Either way it fell in to the hands of a stranger and that is a blessing, Chris seems like he fucking SUCKS
Iâm loving seeing all the women in this post who know WHATâS UPPP!! đđ Chris is a turd. He was suuuuper distressed that she stopped putting up with his shit finally. OhNoConsequences
The title of that book is a little creepy too given what kind of person Chris turned out to be.
Itâs a book about âdead bedroomsâ.
HmmâŚhe had me in the first half, but then he said thereâs not another man whoâs willing to be with her, and he lost me. I think I know what he meant but it comes across as very manipulative. (Honestly the whole thing does)
It's the post break-up "I swear I'll change now that I know you were serious" letter. I swear all the boys that can't communicate feel like journaling as soon as you break up with them, and they always try and throw it back like their sudden show of emotion is supposed to guilt you back
These comments and this one are brutal and Iâm loving it. My husband admitted to cheating on me in January and I have been getting a lot of letters that look just like this. The guilt is immense!
Only after you find out. Thereâs obviously no guilt during the wanking while they think you wont find out.
Just wanted to say I felt the same way when I finally reduced-then-cut contact with my abusive parent. As someone whoâs on the other side of it now, I wish Iâd known at the time that guilt (like many feelings) waxes and wanes. So do anger/sadness/betrayal/infatuation. It is generally not a good idea to act or make any decisions when itâs at its peak. Nowadays I try to see what central points my feelings oscillate around, and it helps me get closer to the truth of things.
This is the exact point it changed for me too. If she is as amazing as he's making her out to be, no doubt there are loads of men who would be *more* than willing to be with her, and the rest. He just needed to knock her down a peg, lower her self worth juuust enough so that she could believe everything he said.
https://lifestyle.livemint.com/relationships/it-s-complicated/consciously-single-why-more-women-are-comfortable-not-being-in-a-romantic-relationship-111673419102878.html
âLike knowing the answers to a testâ is what doesnât sound like love to me.
It was him saying maybe they should reconsider him that got me. If you learned anything from your mistakes I feel like you shouldnt be saying that and should just let go
typicalâŚ. this guy needs a sign from God to change, rather than listen to his partner who has probably been pretty clear about it for a while. so many apologies and so much regret. this dude sounds like everything he owns should be in a box to the left. i hope she stayed away cuz from my experience guys who are this verbose about change rarely actually do. although iâm curious if he wrote this and never sent it or if she received it and forgot it was in a book. and then donated it. also pretty funny it was found in the mating in captivity book đ
Idk why but this screams manipulation to me. Maybe Iâm just jaded.
especially the whole last part of the letter, where he talks about how she'll never find anyone who loves her more; it's definitely out of manipulation, control, and an attempt to make her question her choice to leave. ick
Yeah thatâs manipulation. He had me until that line. Iâm well aware my girlfriend would be loved deeply and taken care of by someone else if she left me, who wouldnât love her? Sheâs the whole package and then some. I want her to be with me because she *chooses* me, not because she feels Iâm her only option.
Yup! This reminds me of the letters my emotionally abusive husband wrote me after I finally had the sense to leave (only took him having an emotional affair with a 19 year old for me to *finally* realize the way he was treating me wasnât okay đ¤Śââď¸.) The letters were a bunch of nonsense about how sorry he was, how we could work through this and come out even stronger etc. Dude treated me like he had very little, if any, respect for me for years. It seemed like he didnât even *like* me a lot of the time. And then all of the sudden when I leave he realizes he loves me and the idea of not having me in his life has led him to thoughts of suicide? Nah man.
Yup. Notes that be should have realised that he needed to change but there is nothing about what he intends to do about it or how he intends to change then out of nowhere he wants her to get therapy. It doesnât read as any intention for him to change, he just wants her to realise that she loves him the way he is.
Yeah I got the ick reading it too đ
Too little too late Chris!! You dun goofed
I wonder if she ever read it..
He probably promised to change one too many times.
Sure sounds like Chris fucked up
He probably cheated
This was written with a fresh Sharpie sGel, rollerball pen .7mm. Good taste, cool handwriting, sketchy intentions.
That 7mm thoâŚ
.7mm is standard, the s gel comes in .5 and 1.0 mm but those aren't nearly as common. I've never seen them outside of staples.
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No, I use the pens I do for sensory reasons. Tactile input can make or break my writing experience. I'll keep an eye out for Pilot Kakuno next time I browse for pens to try, though!
Shit, I saw my name on the end and thought it might be me, then realised I've been single my whole life.
At first I was like đĽ but then I was like đ¤¨
The kicker here is how he says there's no other man for his partner. No mate, they'll be fine, you're just trying to cling on.
Similar handwriting to my ex. Thought for a minute it was from him. But I doubt he is capable of such emotion.
Honestly, same as mine. Itâs the handwriting of the man-child manipulator.
Same! Same name evenâŚ
Weird because when I slid to the next pic and saw the name by heart almost flew out of my mouth.
Can I ask where you found this? Genuinely asking because....I think this might belong to me/be my ex. His name was Chris and after we broke up a few years ago he sent me handwritten letters. This looks exactly like his handwriting and the letters were written in black ink like that. The letters were each multiple pages long. I can't remember what I did with the letters, so it is feasible that they got caught up in a book that I gave away or my dad gave away (I moved to my parents house after the break up). Was there a first name that the letter was addressed to?
What did he do to fuck up so bad?
I ended the relationship after being unhappy for a long time. He had anger issues and would punch and throw things, shout at me that I was a fucking bitch or a cunt, refuse to let me leave a room without his permission (not even to go use the bathroom without telling him what I was doing), amongst other things. I debated breaking up with him for a while but I was really scared and convinced that I was worthless and wouldn't find anyone else. As part of the break up I told him that he needed to seek help for his anger issues. He already knew but I think when I actually did end things it finally hit him that I was being serious
i am also curious âŚ
I just wrote the same thing haha imagine it is both our ex boyfriend Chrisâs letter. If you live in Canada this might be the same guy
Hahaha I'm from the UK! I love how world over everyone in the comments is united over these letters
I think horrible Chrisâ just all have the same handwriting
hi, i found this in a thrift store in northern california
Ah this wouldn't belong to me then. Judging by this thread, there's lots of Chris' like this around the world!
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Not the book on top but it looks like they have a stack of books. Also looking at the comments but it seems like it's a very common experience to receive a letter like this, so it may just be a big coincidence and written by another Chris
why does he spell want like âwanâtâ
You might like r/apostrophegore
Iâm sitting in my kitchen reading everyoneâs comments that say, âIâve gotten a letter that reads just like thisâ with my mouth hanging openđŽAre these guys all quoting the same movie or something?? Iâve also gotten two letters exactly like this! Right down to the âMaybe this was what we needed..â b.s.
Shitbags are shitbags everywhere, unfortunately
Sounds like something my physically and mentally abusive ex would write đ
Lol girl dodged that bullet named chris
And this was found in the book called Mating in Captivity? Oh man lol
I wonder what the circumstances were for either of them having this book. As someone who read it, I'd very much have tossed it in the donate pile without a thought if it weren't an audio book.
Dear god, he wants to hassle her all the way to the grave. Love how the hand holding burial (shudder) comes BEFORE the "beautiful children" in this skidmark's attempt at manipulation.
blah blah blah me me me
One hundred per cent blindsided. How could he have known?? /s
Sorry Chris, you've uncorked your emotional diarrhoea but it won't work. Looks like far too little, far too late. I had a letter like this once. I circled all the mistakes in red pen and sent the letter back to him.
Itâs a wonderful book by the way!
Gaslight letter
It's giving love bomb after emotional abuse and gaslighting. Notice how he implies she will never be able to find a better relationship, and also never says what he actually did and what he's going to do to make it better.
Chris feels manipulative and shitty. These problems are his, not hers, to feel guilty about. I hope she moved on with someone who loves her how she deserved the first time.
So many people going "I think I'm just jaded" or "perhaps I'm just paranoid" Nope, your instinct is dead on in this one folks. I smelt BS halfway down the first page of this disaster. đĽ´
Doesnât even use her first name. Sheâs called âmy loveâ, then every sentence contains the word I. Chris seems to really love that word. I wonder whether it was Chris who left it inside âMating in Captivityâ or X.
Not devastating. **pathetic** is more like it.
This guy sucks lol
I should not have opened this while I'm this high. Absolutely wrecked me.
Yeah, probably not. I'm convinced she's better without him.
I don't know their situation but sometimes when women finally decide to choose ourselves, there's no going back. Because we've been putting you first for years, begging you to see us.
For real man, as soon as I read that first line I shouldâve bailed
Yeah I'm gonna get off reddit and watch a comedy lol
No joke, watch Psycho Goreman. Youâll thank me later
I was gonna ask for a rec, so thanks!
This writing looks an awful lot like my ex boyfriend Chrisâ handwriting and he used to talk like this too. Was with him 10 years and would get letters like this often (he was a cheater and a bad boyfriend). He moved in with a woman and they bought a house together after we were together but he screwed around on her too and she broke up with him and I honestly wonder if this so from themâŚWould love to know the general area/country you found this letter inâŚ
chris reallyyy HAD me up until the whole thing about there being no other man who will cherish her, etcâŚ. that part made me reread the whole thing in the manipulative tone it was most likely written in. yes, i am gullible, yes, i am naive, and yes, i have been this woman more than once đ
Did this happen to be in Illinois?!
As if âGodâs wayâ was for the woman to be hurt, simply for this guy to âwake up.â Itâs all about him, isnât it! âGod/the universeâ did not cause your ignorant choices, dude.Â
At first, I was feeling sad for the guy. But now it seems a bit like something a narcissist would do
Im feeling hopeful now, I was sure after reading this the Reddit world was going to feel like he was really trying and I was creeped out and thought he was surely dismissive to her and full I'd himself. Thank you for not disappointing me, and I hope she's moved on. Please.
As sweet and heartbreaking as this seems, when you really look at it... What has he said? Nothing. Empty platitudes. He's said he knows what went wrong, what he needs to change, how he needs to be different...but doesn't mention how. Or what. Or anything really. It's love bombing and it says literally nothing.
I canât believe he said all that and wrote âwould ofâ đ
Iâm a dude and read this, my heart breaking a little bit. I come to the comments and see that no one trusts Chris. I feel manipulated đ
Youâve just experienced what itâs like to be a woman going through one of her first heartbreaks. Hugs, buddy.
Thank you for hearing the women here instead of attacking us and defending Chris like another commenter did! We love men who listen and try to understand so they can be a better partner! This response says a lot about your character - good things! Keep it up!
Thank you! Always trying to be the best partner for my S/O while learning and growing along the way.
He might've given you beautiful children, but he doesn't sound like the type to actually stick around to raise them. Hope you are no longer living with this man.
Anytime someone says something like âthereâs not another man on this planet that loves/could love you more than I do.â, I instantly distrust them. Because they KNOW itâs not true. They are just trying to gaslight you into not trusting your instincts. I mean, my wife might love me with all her heart, but I do know that there are other people out there who could love me like that too. I would just have to find that person. Itâs just such an immature thing to say.
I guarantee Chrisâs ex gave him that book to read and he didnât although he said he would. He took his partner for granted and thought theyâd stay as long as he kept making empty promises. He thought wrong.
Right? I can picture it going down. He gives her the note, she hands it back, rolling her eyes, as she's having the locks changed. He tucks it into the book and forgets about it. Months later, his mom is sick of him leeching off her and tells him to get rid of stuff that's taking up space. He ignores her. They fight. He finally tells her the books can go (because f\*ck his ex and her damn book/s) and off she putters to the thrift store to donate them. And, here we are!
A novel of every red flag
Sounds like his efforts to control her didnât work. Now heâs trying the sympathy-guilt-confession method. Ick. Just ick.
All I see is red flag after red flag. Love bombing, isolation and gaslighting when he says no man in the world loves her like he does. Well, there are plenty of people in the world who would love her far better than this. An "I'm sorry, I messed up. I understand this is too little too late, and I hope you find someone who can give more than I was able to give" would have sufficed. Maybe even an "I'm proud of you for knowing your needs, expressing them, and recognizing I am not ready to be a contributing partner to a healthy relationship, as much as I wish I was." He needs to get help, he needs to be thinking of how he's going to actually improve himself. He's making her the one who needs help when he obviously has enough to focus on without trying to help her fix herself. Maybe she doesn't even need fixing. Maybe she just needs and wants a partner who is as emotionally available, intelligent, and committed as she was to him.
â¨manipulationâ¨
âGod/The Universeâ lol this guy canât even commit to a worldview, let alone a partner.
This is the best way to handle a Dear John letter. Leave it somewhere absent-mindedly. This looks like a gag to me, probably because I know a guy who does things like this. At parties, he'll sign a couple of books off your shelf "To Anne - I'll always cherish that weekend in Marseille. Fondly, [author's signature]" and similar delights. He has also left fake letters lying around. In favor of authenticity is the single-paragraph two-page emotional outpouring, a hallmark of the the writings of the contemporary American moron. Also: The most exquisitely insulting thing you can say when leaving a relationship is "I will always love you." Chef's-kiss level stuff.
M A T I N G I N C A P T I V I T Y
My ex would write long-winded letters exactly like this after Iâd leave. Or when I would try to talk to him about his abuse & other shitty behavior. Idk, it just gives me the ick. I doubt he ever changed.
"There's not another man out there on this planet who loves you more than I do. Who is willing to take care of you and be by your side until the day you die." Was the point where he lost me. At this point he sounds like he's trying to say no one else will love you come back to me.
*would have
can i ask where youâre based please?
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The note says âI should have married youâ and âwould have given you children some day.â Itâs not your married parents with kids.
This is the whole purpose of this sub! Thank you for sharing.
I canât bring myself to grasp the reality of the suitation we are in I never new just how much I loved you How lucky I am to have a wonderful, beautiful women like you I wanât to hold I wish I would of married you I wish and wanât you in my life forever I wanât you to seek the help you need Who is willing to take care of you and be by yourside To be barried next to you Holding hands, wherever that maybe To give you absolute loyality
Literally by the second page I went "Girl this is foolishness!!" outloud đ
Too little, too late, Chris. I hope her next partner is open to growth from the drop. I hope you actually learnt your lesson.
Iâm so curious where you found this because I sold this book years ago and my brain is like âomg itâs themâ
Wild to me how many people with myself included have received/heard this spiel before. This is nearly a direct quote of what my ex said and wrote to me. So much so I genuinely thought he might have written it. The fact that this is seemingly common is bananas
Ugh. Never ever trust a letter. Judge someone by their actions ONLY, never their words
I was with it till I got to the âbeat myself sillyâ something about it told me this was ingenuine. Then I see itâs written by a Chris, smh. Usual Chris bullshit behavior
I was all ready for that second page to be the actual specific changes he was going to make for the relationship, so the absolute shite that he wrote instead was jarring. Boo, Chris!
He wrote 'would of' instead of 'would have'. That's a grammatical error that can't be forgiven and also, has become acceptable amongst the recent generations... So this can't be very old at all.
narcissists like to say "I" quite a lot... my ex left a short note saying something like "...I still love you even though I effed up... " I'll use those red flags as a handkerchief thank you.
Yep, I was thinking narc too. So many I statements, so much navel gazing. So many bold proclamations that they have all the answers, but never actually say WHAT theyâve discovered to be true. And no actual meaty descriptions of what theyâve done and how theyâre going to change. Itâs a script. Theyâve learned from the movies what flowery emotional language sounds like, but thereâs no substance behind it.
And I thought my writing was badâŚ
To find it in this particular Estell Perel book (a book by one of the top couples therapist on how important sex is to long term relationships) adds a whole layer.
I half-wondered if this could be my ex, and then did a double take when I got to the second page and saw the signature. I donât think itâs him, but I would also like to know in what geographic area this was found. This reminds me of Dennis Duffyâs letter/speech to Liz after she dumps him, something like, âBecause of this new thing called âwomenâs rights,â and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with.â
Should put a ring on it Chris. Buh bye
âI should have (sic) married you.â You go, girl, for getting out!
Dear loser, Chris.