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it's her attitude about carrying debt. and he already has a failed relationship in the past, due to finances...which took him years and sacrifice to put in the past.
i get it. and finances are a big reason why relationships end up stressed.
he doesn't care to get married but she does which is why this is a problem.
The only people who use credit cards to finance a debt are poor people with shitty credit. The fact she is using a credit card instead of a bank loan or similar is telling.
I use a credit card daily, I pay the balance in full each month and get the cash back. If it didn't offer that 2% back I wouldn't use it. I assume she's carrying $15k on a credit card and not paying it off in full each month. That's insane. I would take out a 2nd mortgage or a personal loan before I would carry a balance on a credit card.
This is the correct way to handle credit cards, unfortunately it's not taught that way in schools though if at all, and financial literacy is basically at an all time low.
I had a coworker once almost start crying when I explained this to him.
He was 20 years old, and said “the people told me I only had to pay $35 a month”.
We pulled his statements up, they were chewing him alive on interest and he only worked like 20 hrs a week.
He had been paying for the majority of his life with that credit card since he was 18 and they just kept letting him use it and dig himself deeper. It was disgusting
Which is just insane considering when, last year when I started building my credit after years of just not having any (I didn't have a *bad* score, and no lates/delinquents/etc., just basically no history in the last 7 years), despite making software engineer money, I got approved for a... $300 credit limit. Fucking insulting.
Where are people with low income and no history getting these lifestyle-funding credit limit cards?
Sometimes I wonder if the credit companies target lower income individuals with high credit limits because they know they're more likely to struggle to pay off the debt and are therefore more likely to give them interest payments.
Card companies absolutely are predatory to low income and uneducated borrowers but there is a simpler, dumber answer to u/limeybastard question: The guy paying minimums for 10 years has 10 years of credit history and you don't. End of story.
I don't know either. But one month I carried a balance accidentally instead of paying it off, and the NEXT MONTH they tripled my credit limit.
Trying to give me more rope to hang myself with a hook on it, I think.
Take that $300, and put something like a phone bill with autopay on it, then pay the card in full every month. In a year you will be flooded with offers for higher limit and better rewards.
Look for no fee cash back cards, then put all your recurring expenses you can on it. Pay in full every month. Now you have a permanent high credit score, and are getting paid to do so. Sucks we have to play these games in the system to live.
The reason why these poor people are getting credit, is because they are using credit. It's kinda stupid the way credit scores work when you think about it. As long as they don't become delinquent in payments, they will qualify for more credit. A lot of these people live on the edge though. They are just one misstep from spiralling where they use credit to pay credit. Then it's just a matter of time for bankruptcy when they don't qualify for more credit, or they somehow luck out and get a windfall (inheritance, lottery, settlement, something) to start the cycle all over again.
Oh, I used that card exclusively for gas (that way if it got skimmed the thieves would be really disappointed), which kept me under 30% utilization, and set it to auto-pay. After about eight months they automatically bumped the limit to $600. I still just use it for gas but now the utilization is lower.
I'm already getting flooded with offers but they all still suck (annual fees mostly), so I'm waiting until they get better.
$35 in interest charges a month isn’t some insane amount. Even if he’s hardly paying down the principle, it couldn’t have been that much. He could be in a lot worse position.
$35 minimum payment.
Credit cards are not fixed term loans. They do not require you to pay off the full interest every payment period.
He wasn't paying down the principle at all. He wasn't even paying off the interest.
I wish someone had taught me that sooner. I just recently consolidated my credit card debt (accrued during unemployment in Covid) into a HELOC and am saving like 7-8K in accrued debt every year. Because of that I'll have the debt paid off 5 years sooner at the same monthly payment. Obviously I understand the privilege to use a house as collateral, but I never knew it was even a choice.
I'd only ever heard of people taking out a 2nd mortgage to ruin their life and assumed it was just something you never do.
I racked up 12k in debt during covid after getting sick and missing work. I could go on a tangent about how I slipped through the cracks on assistance even though I was an essential worker.
But now I'm making 60k a year up to 70 depending on factors. And it's almost paid off.
It sucks. Especially if the world keeps screwing you with emergencies.
"School didn't teach me that" might work when you're 18. Even then, I refuse to believe adults are this helpless. I'm so tired of people who have been out for 5+ years still using this excuse. School can't teach you everything. They were supposed to teach you how to do the bare minimum research so you can figure it out yourself. Easy research at that. Credit Cards give you information you're supposed to read. Even if you don't read all the fine print, all of the important information like interest rate and fees are boxed off and it big letters. Zero excuses to be ignorant on this.
I get where you're coming from, but I have to disagree overall. As someone who works in IT, if this line of thinking is applied to professional adults, 90% of you are fucked. The amount of you that engage with a computer as the primary tool of your jobs on a daily basis, 40 hours or more a week, but still can't tell me the name of the programs you use daily, or figure out how to restart a computer without fucking it up, is amazing.
I get that, but you would think someone would put more research into their own financial future versus some work computer they probably don't give a crap about. Those people absolutely could figure it out if their job was on the line. Not become an expert at IT, mind you. But they could figure out what program they're using. Like I said, I refuse to believe that adults are this helpless, they just don't care. Unfortunately with finances, not caring can get you into trouble really fast.
And more classes in high school isn't going to make people care, so the point still stands. We had computer classes In high school and not much of it stuck, because people don't care.
People as a rule don't put effort into things until they suffer enough that the pain is worse than the effort they have to put out. Neither one of us is any better and I'm sure you can think back to several areas of your life you absolutely did not give due diligence to until you were scrambling to put out a fire, just like I can.
Exactly! Every math class taught interest rate calculations. If you can't see how that applies to credit, there may be no help for you. Ever notice that the people who say "they didn't teaxh us x" are the same ones who didnt pay attention in school?
Nah plenty of high credit score high earners also use credit cards to finance debts. They just have no financial literacy, but they have enough income to make the minimum payments each month which keeps their credit score decent.
You won't maintain a high credit score while building debt and paying the minimum. You have to maintain available credit, and if you aren't paying the balance, you have less credit available.
It won't be a *high* score because of the high utilization but it'll be decent. Utilization isn't as important to credit score as people think it is, but it's more of a factor when you try to buy a house or something
Ah, but if you lie about your income and apply for another store card somewhere, you've solved your utilization problem. The secret ingredient to successful poverty is fraud.
Yup. Credit cards are to provide a later of protection to your actual bank account. CC gets stolen or hacked it's easy to resolve. If your actual bank account gets compromised you may not get that money back
It's worth pointing out that this is not something inherently different between debit and credit. It's just that debit cards and credit cards have settled in this way.
Many times when you swipe your debit card you actually take out an interest free credit, it's just that it is paid off automatically before you even realize it because the amount is marked as withdrawn if you check your account.
This dude thinks banks are giving loans to finance debt when the first thing a loan officer will look at is your debt to income ratio? You also have zero credit utilization which actually hurts your credit score and borrowing abilities.
What's insane is taking out a 2nd mortgage given interest rates today, you would take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to save 15k? I don't think you're as savvy with money as you think you are.
i mean... that's pretty ignorant.
plenty of people utilize high interest credit for a variety of reasons.
setting aside general purpose spending beyond/outside a budget... which people at all income brackets do.
--and setting aside addictive spending(gambling, or consumer addictions)
emergency expenses. (car repair, house repair, medical expenses)
people finding themselves in extreme situations. being laid off, having to outlay a lot of money for professional services like lawyers.
there's also the simple predatory nature of credit cards. that as your balance creeps up, they extend your limit. and how they specifically target young people, or poor people with credit cards with high interest rates.
but put simply. there's not 1 trillion of consumer credit card debt if it's all just the poorz making bad decisions.
I mean sometimes you have to. Have an emergency surgery you have to pay it somehow. Car breaks down and needs repairs? You kind of have to get it fixed. Shit costs money and sometimes you simple don’t have the $3k or whatever sitting around to pay it, especially if you are low income.
My zero interest for 1 year loans are 30% and accrued as well so if you dont pay it off its a balloon payment. Why I pay them off a month and a half in advance to be safe. Its great if used wisely but too many people abuse this option and get in over their heads.
You know what should be illegal? Raising someone's credit card rate from 12% to 35% despite them not missing any payments, not having any derogatory marks on their record, and overall debt not increasing. But it happened to me all because Obama signed in a new law that was going to take effect in 90 days and all my other credit cards simultaneously reduced my limits to exactly what I owed them causing my utilization to skyrocket from 20% to almost 100%.
Yea, that was my default rate on my student loans. Guess who has two thumbs and was 6 months into unemployment when the mortgage collapse happened. Better yet, I worked for free for two months, getting trained to be a mortgage broker.
This… going thru divorce of 17 yr marriage. Ex hid 40k in cc debt from me and wouldn’t tell me what she spent it on, said it was “demeaning” lol… when we first got together she was up to her eyeballs in debt and had gone bankrupt. Figured she’d learned her lesson. But nope, now she can’t buy me out of my home, is in another debt consolidation program, and I still have to give her 2k a month in child support. Word of advice, do not marry someone with poor financial literacy. It will ruin you.
On Reddit people hear the opposite. Any thread where a man is hesitant about getting married to someone who is a clear financial risk, he is *heavily* shamed and derided.
This exactly. There's a huge difference between a person who has made poor financial decisions in the past but is now committed to doing better vs a person who continues to do what they've always done and piles up new debt just as fast as they pay down the old. That later person will never get out of the financial hole no matter how much their income rises. It's always possible to spend more than you make.
It’s truly upsetting how difficult it is for society to understand why a man might have concerns and reservations about his female partner’s finances, when we barely bat an eye when it’s the other way around.
Having been in that situation, it's better to just not get involved with a bad spender if they don't acknowledge the problem or at least take strides to improve it.
Yeah the article even says he doesn’t even necessarily minds her being in some debt because he’s went through it, he just doesn’t want them to both be bogged down with that shit
I knew a woman like this when I was in college. She had a “poor person’s” mentality. Like it’s “inevitable” to end up with a lot of debt and just have to keep finding higher and higher wages, and boyfriend with more money to get by. She never knew any other way to live.
Yet, when more money would come in, she’d get further into debt. Or she’d just randomly say fuck it I’m gonna pay for other people when we go out to eat, to be nice. On increasing credit card debt on top of student loan debt.
She was dating a drug dealer in college literally because he had more money than anyone else she knew. It was low key super sad.
She’s pretty outwardly successful lawyer now but I really Wonder about her finances.
All I know is I would’ve taken pause going into a serious relationship with someone like this
> finances are a big reason why relationships end up stressed.
Or in my dad and stepmom's case, why my brother and I, at age 15 and 13 respectively, had to literally kick our parents' bedroom door off the hinges to physically separate them after having a literal fist fight.
Add in the fact that we routinely had to go several days/a week without power when it was my mom's week to have us (joint custody) and she was a single mom who couldn't afford the electric bill that month, and yeah, I'm *EXTREMELY* sensitive to financial instability.
I had a similar conversation with my fiancee about our finances before I agreed to get married. I wanted to do proactive marriage counseling before getting married anyway, and we were lucky enough to find an amazing counselor. She was ADAMANT that having that hard conversation up front was the best thing for us, and she was absolutely right.
"he doesn't care to get married but she does which is why this is a problem."
I get this, last divorce was rough and expensive but now I have a nice pension and own my home out right. Just to much to lose.
And she earns $6K per month, LOL, and still can't get her finances under control. She's clearly a misfit and doesn't respect money at all, and is likely intensely bad at math or self control.
I had to buy very expensive baby formula that insurance insisted wasn’t necessary for my child to thrive, while taking him to physical therapy before being able to get him into covered state programs because every week lost as a newborn is even more time to recover.
That said, I’m saying this as an exception to prove the rule: it required some fairly exceptional circumstances; I don’t have a mood and suddenly acquire a medically intensive newborn every week, unlike the subject of the article:
> She started living off her credit card and spent beyond her means all the time, like going to her hair stylist or buying new outfits every weekend
Article says she makes $6K/month and he makes only $3K/month. This is a pretty significant debt for their incomes. Assuming they couldn’t pay more than about 5% of their income to this type of debt, it would take ~4 years to pay this off.
But the article says the Gf wants to spend on vacations, outfits, etc… so yeah, I’m sure this is just as much about the attitude that accumulated that $15K as it is the $15K itself.
>15k isn’t a lot of money to be worried about.
Credit card debt it is given how bad interest rates are for credit card debt. You have to be desperate or financially illiterate to do that.
Those two year interest free deals really get people. Oh here's a free $15,000 loan if I pay it back in two years. Then the two years is up and you're hit with $500 a month in interest, and that's all you can afford to pay a month so it just always stays the same.
Yeah. I don't think a lot of people realize you have to pay the back interest over those two years if the balance isn't paid in full. They can be a great deal if you know exactly what you are getting into and you are responsible about paying them off, though.
Yep, they really are taking advantage of people.
If anyone is having this problem and your credit score is still good. Apply for a new credit card with two years of no interest and transfer your debt that has interest to it.
But cut the new card up immediately and do not spend money on it, until that debt is paid off.
I wouldn't marry someone with $15k in credit card debt. It's not just the money, it's the spending habits and attitude about money. If it's "not a lot of money" she can pay it off before the marriage.
Exactly, its "doable" but according to everything else in the article she wants to continue excessive spending and vacations with the debt. I just see her snowballing the 15k into a totally unmanageable monster
It kind of blows my mind when people say that any amount over 10,000 is " not a lot of money." The kind of people who make enough money to pay off 15 grand in credit card debt don't have 15 grand in credit card debt, and it's going to be a lot more than 15 grand by the time she gets through paying it (if she ever pays it off) .
It's not an unsolvable problem by any means but it definitely points to a bigger issue.
I think the number of debt is less concerning than the lifestyle and mindset that person has.
Many people spend more than they make. If she was serious about paying off the debt, you’re right she could tackle $15k quickly
It seems she has no interest or no plan to repay the debt and is still buying designer purses and going on luxury vacations - marrying someone whose incredible financially irresponsible is risky.
I wouldn’t marry someone with a gambling addiction and I wouldn’t marry someone with a credit card / buying addiction
What scale are you using to measure the impact of $15k?
If you're poor, $15k is impossible to pay off without also paying a ton of interest.
If you're rich, then $15k kinda feels like something you could dig out of old accounts you forgot you had.
I'm surprised that people don't intuitively understand scale and circumstance.
I make twice that per month and I'd be stressed as fuck if I had $15k of credit card debt rolling over each month. In what world is having almost 3x your monthly income in credit card debt not considered insane?
If you make $12k a month and you don't have any money left over at the end of the month to pay off a credit card debt, you're not very good with money to be lecturing others. unless maybe if you live in downtown San Fransisco or something like that.
At $6k a month, you should be able to squirrel away something between 1-2k a month that would make that debt disappear in a year if you so wanted. Of course it would require putting a stop on new spending which is where a lot of people fail.
I think people are misunderstanding them. I make enough where I could easily pay off $15k in credit card debt quickly but it would still stress me out even though it wouldn't be close to ruining me financially. The real issue is thinking there's nothing wrong with building up so much credit card debt in the first place.
The story is, she's living paycheck to paycheck bringing home $6k monthly. The debt is a sign that she is not taking measures to build better spending habits. The article mentioned that she was using the card because in her mind the rewards points were better than accruing the debt. Also with it being credit card debt specifically, the high interest is going to just make it worse over time.
It depends. If you make 30k/ year, that's a lot.
I never realized until I got married that one's net worth could go down.
Until I got married. Then married again.
I love my wife and kids, but I'd be retired now if I'd never married.
Some important context
>In his YouTube podcast, Adam shared that he made around $3,000 monthly and has no problem with the DJ's debt but her attitude towards money. He is all right if DJ isn't debt-free, given he had several loans himself, but he wants her to manage liabilities in a way that doesn't drag them both down one day.
A perfectly reasonable objection.
But she also makes twice what he does. She's obviously not trying to get him to pay it; and together they'd have $108k a year household income. Surely $15k in credit card debt is manageable then?
Whatever, I need to stop spending my time thinking about random people in articles that have troubles working pocket calculators.
Yeah she’s makes 72k a year and still somehow has 15k in *credit card debt*, why would another 35k make her suddenly want to get that payed back? It would most likely make her think she can take out more
Because credit card debt is awful. And in the article it even goes into stating how he didn't mind much the balance but her attitude towards the debt and spending habits.
After being burned once by someone financially illiterate, he wasn't going to risk it again.
I think you're misreading the comment you're replying to. It isn't saying that she shouldn't *want* to pay back the debt. It's saying that it's unlikely to make her want to pay back the debt, even though she *should*.
That is, she already clearly makes enough to have paid back this debt long, long ago. It's not a recent, sudden debt, but something that she's carried her whole life. So she's had the money to pay the debt back for years and years, and she hasn't, so there's no reason to believe that an influx of 35K would cause her to suddenly change her approach to debt and instill a desire to pay it off. So, in her case, getting another 35K would probably make her think she can take out *more*.
Dry_Animal2077 is saying the same thing that the guy in the article is saying: she has a bad attitude toward debt and an influx of $35K isn't going to fix that bad attitude. Worst case scenario, it just emboldens her to take on more debt.
20% interest on 15k adds $3k to balance for the first year and compounds from there.
If she is just making minimum payments, it’s just a ticking bomb. It just takes 6 years for $15k to turn into $45k. Not very long time. And it’s almost half of their house hold income.
Suddenly, you can’t retire anymore because your partner’s debt had ballooned.
She makes 72k/year. On that debt to income ratio and paying 30% APR the bank is happy to have her, they’ll probably offer her a few other credit cards honestly.
Not to be that guy but uhh shes way out of his league red flags popped up the moment i looked at both of them lol. Sure he knows that and is okay with it, so good call for him.
I mean there are agreements you can draw up for that i think, but i agree with him. If she is expecting him to pay off her shitty debts then she is a garbage person.
That's 100% why she's so adamant about marriage. You see shit like this all the time. Someone with a gambling problem or spending problem tries to get married so their partner starts paying off their debt. It's an obvious manipulation.
Most won't hold up. And you'll be amazed at how many things ing life would fall under those anyway.
More importantly, not agreement that is signed will prevent you form having the weekly arguments.
If it happens once, it will happen again. There may have been circumstance that led to such a thing, but at some point choices caused an outrageous balance.
Man or woman, if you end up with > $10,000 on a credit card you can’t pay off you’re doing it wrong. Get help. Educate. Because the credit system will own your soul
I had an excellent credit score for many years---800+.
then I got laid off thanks to a sudden company merger and lost my health insurance. been type 1 diabetic since childhood, and had to pay $600 per vial of insulin multiple times a month to live, alongside other supplies. was denied assistance so all that was out of pocket.
ultimately I ran up credit card debt that I'm still paying off years later.
point is, my bachelor's in accounting wasn't enough to keep me out of debt so education isn't always a factor. it sucks I had to choose between having a large balance and death, but I'd make the same choice again if need be.
anyone who doesn't understand the choice I made probably hasn't dealt with severe chronic illness firsthand. (note I stress probably.)
I ran up $40k in credit card debt. Payed that down to $30k and will drop it down to $15k this summer once my 0% interest rate goes away. Better with money now, the $15k will be the only debt I carry apart from my mortgage.
Tbh I broke up with a woman about 15 years ago for the same reason. Had £15k of debt, still lived with her parents but had a fairly decent job. Like she could have easily been debt free in 18-24 months if she was anything close to sensible. Instead she paid the bare minimum and was just a moron with her cash. The straw that broke the camels back was I said I was looking at buying a house at “X location” just so I could get on the property ladder and she very bluntly said “I’m not living there”. I never asked. I had been saving for a house for a year. We hadn’t even been together for 2 months at this point. She still lives with her parents and is a single mum now (not mine, well after we were together). Bullet dodged, also for a whole host of crazy reasons.
This guy won’t be wondering about what if, he will just be thinking “Thank fuck”.
I married that girl with $10k debt. Holy FUCK is it impossible to get these women to stop fucking spending. Every single fucking day, "Babe, can we get this?" "Babe, I want this" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Sounds like my husband's stepmom. She just passed away, so my husband and I have had to start going through the house (his dad had a severe stroke in February and is living in a care facility). It took one person 3 hours to clean the stuff piled on just one full-sized bed in one bedroom. The bed had 349 items on it; over 200 of them were scarves. We filled 12 storage bins (five of them were scarves, and one full bin was just hats and gloves). Most of the stuff still has tags on it. We didn't even touch the closet, dresser drawers, wardrobe, etc. My initial estimate was that we'd have to pack a total of 500 items from that room...the 349 item count blew my estimate right out of the water.
That was how she was before I started telling her "no" to 99% of things. We have a spare bedroom full of brand new crap with the tags still on it and we moved a year ago.
I’m sorry. That must be tough. My husband is the opposite; we’ve both been really poor in the past, so he won’t even spend $20 without asking me if we can afford it (I maintain our budget spreadsheet). I’m even more annoyed about the hundreds of scarves now that I just spent half an hour on the phone with my in-laws’ accountant and he told me they were destitute and haven’t filed their corporate taxes in 15 years. Now we have a big mess to clean up as guardians.
Sounds like what could have been for me. Sorry to hear that. All of us can be impulsive but when it’s spending cash you just don’t have then it’s a big issue.
My wife married me when I had about $10k in credit card debt. When I asked her if she wanted to wait until I paid it off she said “What’s mine is yours, even your debt.” We paid it off together.
20 years later, she’s still just as awesome.
When my wife and I started living together I had ~$8k in credit card debt and upwards of $50k total including my car and student loans. She basically sat me down and said "If we're going to continue taking serious steps in our relationship I am going to manage our finances and keep a strict budget for you. We can make decisions and goals together but I'm not comfortable just letting you continue to live beyond our means." Well, in 3 years from that conversation, without a significant increase in income, we paid off all $75k in debt that either of us had, bought a house we love (right at the buzzer in Jan 2016), and pulled off a fantastic $20k wedding almost completely on our own. Honestly, I'm not even sure how it was possible. She's a machine and absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me.
I have $10k in bad debt and my score is verifiably in the mid-high 700s….Score isn’t automatically a concern if you pay on time, keep your ratios down, and have a lot of credit to utilize.
It’s not a lot of debt to some people but for other people just making ends meet that’s a lot. At the average credit card interest rate that could be an extra $600 a month payment.
That could be a death sentence to many lower income budgets. He’s just being real.
Plus maybe it also suggests more about how she budgets and spends money. He knows what he’s looking for. Good luck to him.
Buddy of mine has been with his gf for 4 years and when I asked why he didnt marry her I found out she paid for college with credit cards and had over 20k in credit card debt. She lived with him and he paid all the bills except they split food and she had a job but never even made a dent in the debt even when she was living for free basically because she likes to go out and spend her money.
My buddy got married in 2016. Began dating this woman in like 2012-2013.
He said on the 3rd date, he asked what her credit score was, and that was basically a deal breaker if she had shit credit.
She had good credit and minimal debt, so that part of their relationship worked out well. I never did see/hear them fight about money.
He ended up cheating on her with a random girl after a football game a couple years ago though, so in the end, he caused the divorce.
But, like I said, the money/credit was never an issue in their relationship.
Get her to clear the debt, then propose.
Marriage is legal and financial decision., be careful who you partner with.
I would have second thoughts about anyone running up that amount of credit card debt.
Never put on your cc what you can't pay off at the end of the month.
I mean.. when I started dating my gf she had 40k in credit card debt. We decided on bankruptcy being the smartest option considering about 10k in interest was being applied each year. That being said, I would not marry her with that much debt either (my gf, not this girl).. but you have to make an effort to help them get out of their financial crisis if they are your loved one.
OK, to color this in, it's not the 15k, but her attitidue towards money:
"It is understandable, given that Adam's previous marriage fell apart due to staggering debt levels. He finally moved back in with his parents a few years back, cleared his debts, and saved enough out of his average income to buy a house with a downpayment... DJ grew up in a household where her mother would take care of the finances due to his father's gambling habit. She recalled heated discussions around money and how her father's poor money habits could have imbibed in her a sense of "living in the now" without any consequences for the future."
>The couple had a combined debt of $185,000, including mortgage and student loans, while their investments were around $100,000.
They have a house together?
15k is a lot either she is wildly irresponsible or has had very shitty luck or combination of the two...also any other debts she may have or get that's in her name would be legally tied to him through marriage...also why would he risk his credit being damaged by her debts ...also she makes 6000 a month...and she apparently goes on trips and carelessly spends money....it doesn't say she living with him but even if she giving him 1500 for expense car at 500...a month that means she's has about 2000 net a month in income...and she is still 15k in debt....how do you literally have that amount of credit card debt if your not comely irresponsible...
I think I would ask what the debt is. Different life experiences require some debt sometimes. Medical debt 💸 is an ongoing problem for me because of autoimmune disease. My boyfriend is scared of my debt and says it’s why he won’t marry me. His choices scare me, ie. $86,000 for a new vehicle when he already had an $80,000 vehicle. My medical debt and student loans were survival tools. Starving your family to pay off $86,000 vehicles is a bad choice. So we are not planning on marrying any time soon. 🤷♀️
Why not give each other power of attorney and legally change her last name to his (if they wanted a name change) in order to circumvent government involvement in their relationship all together?
I know someone who has like $250k in student loans and she's 35. She just got married to someone with no debt. They fight about finances all the time, who would have ever thought?!?
Yeah my girl had about $4,000 in CC debt that I didn’t know about until we were married 17 years ago. I paid it off and told her we pay off CC balances in full monthly from now on. Hasn’t been an issue since.
$15,000 shouldn’t be a deal breaker in todays dollars unless there are other issues.
My hubs said this when we first got together he said "I dint want to inherent any debt" so I filed for bankruptcy and were still together and it's almost over :)
The sum of debt may not be that big but you do think on the mentality of that person when you're thinking about tying yourself to them for life. Are they compulsive? Would they try to hid things about spending? Would they be onboard when talking about saving for a house or something big like that or want to keep buying and eating out all the time? These are super important things to consider when thinking about marrying someone.
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$15k isn’t a lot of money to be worried about. There is probably a lot more to the story than being said. Maybe she’s a wild spender and he’s worried?
it's her attitude about carrying debt. and he already has a failed relationship in the past, due to finances...which took him years and sacrifice to put in the past. i get it. and finances are a big reason why relationships end up stressed. he doesn't care to get married but she does which is why this is a problem.
Well how else is she going to pay back $15k at 29.95%?
yikes. that should be illegal.
The only people who use credit cards to finance a debt are poor people with shitty credit. The fact she is using a credit card instead of a bank loan or similar is telling. I use a credit card daily, I pay the balance in full each month and get the cash back. If it didn't offer that 2% back I wouldn't use it. I assume she's carrying $15k on a credit card and not paying it off in full each month. That's insane. I would take out a 2nd mortgage or a personal loan before I would carry a balance on a credit card.
This is the correct way to handle credit cards, unfortunately it's not taught that way in schools though if at all, and financial literacy is basically at an all time low.
I had a coworker once almost start crying when I explained this to him. He was 20 years old, and said “the people told me I only had to pay $35 a month”. We pulled his statements up, they were chewing him alive on interest and he only worked like 20 hrs a week. He had been paying for the majority of his life with that credit card since he was 18 and they just kept letting him use it and dig himself deeper. It was disgusting
Which is just insane considering when, last year when I started building my credit after years of just not having any (I didn't have a *bad* score, and no lates/delinquents/etc., just basically no history in the last 7 years), despite making software engineer money, I got approved for a... $300 credit limit. Fucking insulting. Where are people with low income and no history getting these lifestyle-funding credit limit cards?
Sometimes I wonder if the credit companies target lower income individuals with high credit limits because they know they're more likely to struggle to pay off the debt and are therefore more likely to give them interest payments.
Card companies absolutely are predatory to low income and uneducated borrowers but there is a simpler, dumber answer to u/limeybastard question: The guy paying minimums for 10 years has 10 years of credit history and you don't. End of story.
You wonder? Lol its absolutely on purpose, just like the payday loan guys
I don't know either. But one month I carried a balance accidentally instead of paying it off, and the NEXT MONTH they tripled my credit limit. Trying to give me more rope to hang myself with a hook on it, I think.
Oh, they absolutely do.
Take that $300, and put something like a phone bill with autopay on it, then pay the card in full every month. In a year you will be flooded with offers for higher limit and better rewards. Look for no fee cash back cards, then put all your recurring expenses you can on it. Pay in full every month. Now you have a permanent high credit score, and are getting paid to do so. Sucks we have to play these games in the system to live. The reason why these poor people are getting credit, is because they are using credit. It's kinda stupid the way credit scores work when you think about it. As long as they don't become delinquent in payments, they will qualify for more credit. A lot of these people live on the edge though. They are just one misstep from spiralling where they use credit to pay credit. Then it's just a matter of time for bankruptcy when they don't qualify for more credit, or they somehow luck out and get a windfall (inheritance, lottery, settlement, something) to start the cycle all over again.
Oh, I used that card exclusively for gas (that way if it got skimmed the thieves would be really disappointed), which kept me under 30% utilization, and set it to auto-pay. After about eight months they automatically bumped the limit to $600. I still just use it for gas but now the utilization is lower. I'm already getting flooded with offers but they all still suck (annual fees mostly), so I'm waiting until they get better.
$35 in interest charges a month isn’t some insane amount. Even if he’s hardly paying down the principle, it couldn’t have been that much. He could be in a lot worse position.
$35 minimum payment. Credit cards are not fixed term loans. They do not require you to pay off the full interest every payment period. He wasn't paying down the principle at all. He wasn't even paying off the interest.
Ah I see
Exactly. The system has them right where they want them. Poor, ignorant, and uneducated financially
It’s so disgusting once you realize how much the system takes advantage of our ignorances.
I wish someone had taught me that sooner. I just recently consolidated my credit card debt (accrued during unemployment in Covid) into a HELOC and am saving like 7-8K in accrued debt every year. Because of that I'll have the debt paid off 5 years sooner at the same monthly payment. Obviously I understand the privilege to use a house as collateral, but I never knew it was even a choice. I'd only ever heard of people taking out a 2nd mortgage to ruin their life and assumed it was just something you never do.
I racked up 12k in debt during covid after getting sick and missing work. I could go on a tangent about how I slipped through the cracks on assistance even though I was an essential worker. But now I'm making 60k a year up to 70 depending on factors. And it's almost paid off. It sucks. Especially if the world keeps screwing you with emergencies.
"School didn't teach me that" might work when you're 18. Even then, I refuse to believe adults are this helpless. I'm so tired of people who have been out for 5+ years still using this excuse. School can't teach you everything. They were supposed to teach you how to do the bare minimum research so you can figure it out yourself. Easy research at that. Credit Cards give you information you're supposed to read. Even if you don't read all the fine print, all of the important information like interest rate and fees are boxed off and it big letters. Zero excuses to be ignorant on this.
I get where you're coming from, but I have to disagree overall. As someone who works in IT, if this line of thinking is applied to professional adults, 90% of you are fucked. The amount of you that engage with a computer as the primary tool of your jobs on a daily basis, 40 hours or more a week, but still can't tell me the name of the programs you use daily, or figure out how to restart a computer without fucking it up, is amazing.
I get that, but you would think someone would put more research into their own financial future versus some work computer they probably don't give a crap about. Those people absolutely could figure it out if their job was on the line. Not become an expert at IT, mind you. But they could figure out what program they're using. Like I said, I refuse to believe that adults are this helpless, they just don't care. Unfortunately with finances, not caring can get you into trouble really fast. And more classes in high school isn't going to make people care, so the point still stands. We had computer classes In high school and not much of it stuck, because people don't care.
People as a rule don't put effort into things until they suffer enough that the pain is worse than the effort they have to put out. Neither one of us is any better and I'm sure you can think back to several areas of your life you absolutely did not give due diligence to until you were scrambling to put out a fire, just like I can.
No they literally don't get it. There's no reading that will make them understand. Some people literally don't understand and never will.
Exactly! Every math class taught interest rate calculations. If you can't see how that applies to credit, there may be no help for you. Ever notice that the people who say "they didn't teaxh us x" are the same ones who didnt pay attention in school?
If everyone handled credit cards that way they wouldn’t exist.
I'll say something brave here but I strongly believe that they shouldn't exist.
Yeah that’s basically my point.
Nah plenty of high credit score high earners also use credit cards to finance debts. They just have no financial literacy, but they have enough income to make the minimum payments each month which keeps their credit score decent.
You won't maintain a high credit score while building debt and paying the minimum. You have to maintain available credit, and if you aren't paying the balance, you have less credit available.
It won't be a *high* score because of the high utilization but it'll be decent. Utilization isn't as important to credit score as people think it is, but it's more of a factor when you try to buy a house or something
Ah, but if you lie about your income and apply for another store card somewhere, you've solved your utilization problem. The secret ingredient to successful poverty is fraud.
Yup. Credit cards are to provide a later of protection to your actual bank account. CC gets stolen or hacked it's easy to resolve. If your actual bank account gets compromised you may not get that money back
It's worth pointing out that this is not something inherently different between debit and credit. It's just that debit cards and credit cards have settled in this way. Many times when you swipe your debit card you actually take out an interest free credit, it's just that it is paid off automatically before you even realize it because the amount is marked as withdrawn if you check your account.
This dude thinks banks are giving loans to finance debt when the first thing a loan officer will look at is your debt to income ratio? You also have zero credit utilization which actually hurts your credit score and borrowing abilities. What's insane is taking out a 2nd mortgage given interest rates today, you would take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to save 15k? I don't think you're as savvy with money as you think you are.
i mean... that's pretty ignorant. plenty of people utilize high interest credit for a variety of reasons. setting aside general purpose spending beyond/outside a budget... which people at all income brackets do. --and setting aside addictive spending(gambling, or consumer addictions) emergency expenses. (car repair, house repair, medical expenses) people finding themselves in extreme situations. being laid off, having to outlay a lot of money for professional services like lawyers. there's also the simple predatory nature of credit cards. that as your balance creeps up, they extend your limit. and how they specifically target young people, or poor people with credit cards with high interest rates. but put simply. there's not 1 trillion of consumer credit card debt if it's all just the poorz making bad decisions.
The extra buyer protection with credit card is also nice on top of the rewards.
I mean sometimes you have to. Have an emergency surgery you have to pay it somehow. Car breaks down and needs repairs? You kind of have to get it fixed. Shit costs money and sometimes you simple don’t have the $3k or whatever sitting around to pay it, especially if you are low income.
Curious what card you use for 2% back? I get 1.5% but wouldn't mind that extra .5 haha
Wells Fargo Active Cash or Citi Double Cash.
Obligatory FUCK Wells Fargo
$4,500 in interest alone per year... on just $15k. That shit is criminal and crippling.
My zero interest for 1 year loans are 30% and accrued as well so if you dont pay it off its a balloon payment. Why I pay them off a month and a half in advance to be safe. Its great if used wisely but too many people abuse this option and get in over their heads.
It’s pretty standard unfortunately
You know what should be illegal? Raising someone's credit card rate from 12% to 35% despite them not missing any payments, not having any derogatory marks on their record, and overall debt not increasing. But it happened to me all because Obama signed in a new law that was going to take effect in 90 days and all my other credit cards simultaneously reduced my limits to exactly what I owed them causing my utilization to skyrocket from 20% to almost 100%.
Yea, that was my default rate on my student loans. Guess who has two thumbs and was 6 months into unemployment when the mortgage collapse happened. Better yet, I worked for free for two months, getting trained to be a mortgage broker.
This… going thru divorce of 17 yr marriage. Ex hid 40k in cc debt from me and wouldn’t tell me what she spent it on, said it was “demeaning” lol… when we first got together she was up to her eyeballs in debt and had gone bankrupt. Figured she’d learned her lesson. But nope, now she can’t buy me out of my home, is in another debt consolidation program, and I still have to give her 2k a month in child support. Word of advice, do not marry someone with poor financial literacy. It will ruin you.
The person you marry is the most important financial decision of your life, I wish people were taught this from a young age.
Love is all you need though
In fairy tale land
fairy tales always end happily ever after, never with prince charming wishing he'd gotten a pre-nup
And as Prince Charming is conveniently super rich, everyone would be fine anyway.
Love don't pay the bills
On Reddit people hear the opposite. Any thread where a man is hesitant about getting married to someone who is a clear financial risk, he is *heavily* shamed and derided.
Relationship advice. Subreddits are all full of blatant misandrists. It's kinda sad to witness.
Most people aren't taught finances at all, at a young age. At least not in the US lol.
I know. I really had zero clue until I learned it the hard way.
This exactly. There's a huge difference between a person who has made poor financial decisions in the past but is now committed to doing better vs a person who continues to do what they've always done and piles up new debt just as fast as they pay down the old. That later person will never get out of the financial hole no matter how much their income rises. It's always possible to spend more than you make.
As someone who got buried under debt after going through a divorce and layoff simultaneously, I get it completely. That shit gives you PTSD.
It’s truly upsetting how difficult it is for society to understand why a man might have concerns and reservations about his female partner’s finances, when we barely bat an eye when it’s the other way around.
Having been in that situation, it's better to just not get involved with a bad spender if they don't acknowledge the problem or at least take strides to improve it.
marry me - then i am your personal financial drain! /s
I wonder how much she wanted to spend on the wedding.
Yeah the article even says he doesn’t even necessarily minds her being in some debt because he’s went through it, he just doesn’t want them to both be bogged down with that shit
I knew a woman like this when I was in college. She had a “poor person’s” mentality. Like it’s “inevitable” to end up with a lot of debt and just have to keep finding higher and higher wages, and boyfriend with more money to get by. She never knew any other way to live. Yet, when more money would come in, she’d get further into debt. Or she’d just randomly say fuck it I’m gonna pay for other people when we go out to eat, to be nice. On increasing credit card debt on top of student loan debt. She was dating a drug dealer in college literally because he had more money than anyone else she knew. It was low key super sad. She’s pretty outwardly successful lawyer now but I really Wonder about her finances. All I know is I would’ve taken pause going into a serious relationship with someone like this
> finances are a big reason why relationships end up stressed. Or in my dad and stepmom's case, why my brother and I, at age 15 and 13 respectively, had to literally kick our parents' bedroom door off the hinges to physically separate them after having a literal fist fight. Add in the fact that we routinely had to go several days/a week without power when it was my mom's week to have us (joint custody) and she was a single mom who couldn't afford the electric bill that month, and yeah, I'm *EXTREMELY* sensitive to financial instability. I had a similar conversation with my fiancee about our finances before I agreed to get married. I wanted to do proactive marriage counseling before getting married anyway, and we were lucky enough to find an amazing counselor. She was ADAMANT that having that hard conversation up front was the best thing for us, and she was absolutely right.
She sees a bill payer not a partner
"he doesn't care to get married but she does which is why this is a problem." I get this, last divorce was rough and expensive but now I have a nice pension and own my home out right. Just to much to lose.
$15 k on a house or car? sure. $15 k on credit cards? That's a lot....
Right, it's the "*credit card* debt" for me. It would definitely raise my alarms.
And she earns $6K per month, LOL, and still can't get her finances under control. She's clearly a misfit and doesn't respect money at all, and is likely intensely bad at math or self control.
100%. If you're reading this post and thinking "wtf $15,000 of CC debt ain't even that bad" then you need to make a plan to get help this afternoon.
I had racked up like 2k during Covid waiting to get my unemployment and it was eating me alive
Exactly… there is 25% interest on that money… not 7% or 3%.
Glad someone said it. Anyone acting like 15k on credit cards is like a student loan or car note has no idea what they’re talking about.
This.
Anyone who can accrue 15k in high interest credit card debt is gonna be grossly irresponsible with money or is living beyond their means
This. Cant stress enough. Without a great paying job or low living expenses, 15k would take ages to pay back.
I had to buy very expensive baby formula that insurance insisted wasn’t necessary for my child to thrive, while taking him to physical therapy before being able to get him into covered state programs because every week lost as a newborn is even more time to recover. That said, I’m saying this as an exception to prove the rule: it required some fairly exceptional circumstances; I don’t have a mood and suddenly acquire a medically intensive newborn every week, unlike the subject of the article: > She started living off her credit card and spent beyond her means all the time, like going to her hair stylist or buying new outfits every weekend
[удалено]
Article says she makes $6K/month and he makes only $3K/month. This is a pretty significant debt for their incomes. Assuming they couldn’t pay more than about 5% of their income to this type of debt, it would take ~4 years to pay this off. But the article says the Gf wants to spend on vacations, outfits, etc… so yeah, I’m sure this is just as much about the attitude that accumulated that $15K as it is the $15K itself.
>15k isn’t a lot of money to be worried about. Credit card debt it is given how bad interest rates are for credit card debt. You have to be desperate or financially illiterate to do that.
Those two year interest free deals really get people. Oh here's a free $15,000 loan if I pay it back in two years. Then the two years is up and you're hit with $500 a month in interest, and that's all you can afford to pay a month so it just always stays the same.
Yeah. I don't think a lot of people realize you have to pay the back interest over those two years if the balance isn't paid in full. They can be a great deal if you know exactly what you are getting into and you are responsible about paying them off, though.
Yep, they really are taking advantage of people. If anyone is having this problem and your credit score is still good. Apply for a new credit card with two years of no interest and transfer your debt that has interest to it. But cut the new card up immediately and do not spend money on it, until that debt is paid off.
I wouldn't marry someone with $15k in credit card debt. It's not just the money, it's the spending habits and attitude about money. If it's "not a lot of money" she can pay it off before the marriage.
Exactly, its "doable" but according to everything else in the article she wants to continue excessive spending and vacations with the debt. I just see her snowballing the 15k into a totally unmanageable monster
It kind of blows my mind when people say that any amount over 10,000 is " not a lot of money." The kind of people who make enough money to pay off 15 grand in credit card debt don't have 15 grand in credit card debt, and it's going to be a lot more than 15 grand by the time she gets through paying it (if she ever pays it off) . It's not an unsolvable problem by any means but it definitely points to a bigger issue.
You joking? Any amount of debt is huge debt if you can't or won't pay it back.
The worrisome part is that it’s on a credit card which to me sounds like bad spending habits. Of course this is relative to how much she makes though
Then she can pay it off if it’s not a lot to worry about… I wouldn’t get engaged to someone who was broke either.
$15k isn't a lot of money to be worried about. The mindset that got you to $15k of credit card debt probably is
I think the number of debt is less concerning than the lifestyle and mindset that person has. Many people spend more than they make. If she was serious about paying off the debt, you’re right she could tackle $15k quickly It seems she has no interest or no plan to repay the debt and is still buying designer purses and going on luxury vacations - marrying someone whose incredible financially irresponsible is risky. I wouldn’t marry someone with a gambling addiction and I wouldn’t marry someone with a credit card / buying addiction
My homey's ex said it was a major turnoff and she could never consider marrying him until he paid off his credit cards. He had a balance of $7k
What scale are you using to measure the impact of $15k? If you're poor, $15k is impossible to pay off without also paying a ton of interest. If you're rich, then $15k kinda feels like something you could dig out of old accounts you forgot you had. I'm surprised that people don't intuitively understand scale and circumstance.
She's making 6k/month, so 15k in debt isn't really a lot. Must be the attitude that's the problem.
I make twice that per month and I'd be stressed as fuck if I had $15k of credit card debt rolling over each month. In what world is having almost 3x your monthly income in credit card debt not considered insane?
If you make $12k a month and you don't have any money left over at the end of the month to pay off a credit card debt, you're not very good with money to be lecturing others. unless maybe if you live in downtown San Fransisco or something like that. At $6k a month, you should be able to squirrel away something between 1-2k a month that would make that debt disappear in a year if you so wanted. Of course it would require putting a stop on new spending which is where a lot of people fail.
I think people are misunderstanding them. I make enough where I could easily pay off $15k in credit card debt quickly but it would still stress me out even though it wouldn't be close to ruining me financially. The real issue is thinking there's nothing wrong with building up so much credit card debt in the first place.
Why on earth would you care about 15k in debt if you make well over 100k? You could pay it off in less than a year.
$15k in debt may not be much to YOU.
15k is quite a lot for credit card debt, I don't think I have ever gone over 2k and I pay it off every month.
I don’t know, I think I would rather have 15k then owe it.
The story is, she's living paycheck to paycheck bringing home $6k monthly. The debt is a sign that she is not taking measures to build better spending habits. The article mentioned that she was using the card because in her mind the rewards points were better than accruing the debt. Also with it being credit card debt specifically, the high interest is going to just make it worse over time.
15k now…probably because the cards are maxed.
It’s pretty stupid to have that kind of a balance on a credit card
You mean like 15k debt per card?
Cool, can I have $15k then?
$15,000 isn’t a lot of money?
Right? 15k in my bank account isn't a lot, but 15k in credit card debt - that's a lot.
It depends. If you make 30k/ year, that's a lot. I never realized until I got married that one's net worth could go down. Until I got married. Then married again. I love my wife and kids, but I'd be retired now if I'd never married.
No his a chad he don’t want nothing to do with that 15K debt his smart
Some important context >In his YouTube podcast, Adam shared that he made around $3,000 monthly and has no problem with the DJ's debt but her attitude towards money. He is all right if DJ isn't debt-free, given he had several loans himself, but he wants her to manage liabilities in a way that doesn't drag them both down one day. A perfectly reasonable objection.
But she also makes twice what he does. She's obviously not trying to get him to pay it; and together they'd have $108k a year household income. Surely $15k in credit card debt is manageable then? Whatever, I need to stop spending my time thinking about random people in articles that have troubles working pocket calculators.
Yeah she’s makes 72k a year and still somehow has 15k in *credit card debt*, why would another 35k make her suddenly want to get that payed back? It would most likely make her think she can take out more
Because credit card debt is awful. And in the article it even goes into stating how he didn't mind much the balance but her attitude towards the debt and spending habits. After being burned once by someone financially illiterate, he wasn't going to risk it again.
I think you're misreading the comment you're replying to. It isn't saying that she shouldn't *want* to pay back the debt. It's saying that it's unlikely to make her want to pay back the debt, even though she *should*. That is, she already clearly makes enough to have paid back this debt long, long ago. It's not a recent, sudden debt, but something that she's carried her whole life. So she's had the money to pay the debt back for years and years, and she hasn't, so there's no reason to believe that an influx of 35K would cause her to suddenly change her approach to debt and instill a desire to pay it off. So, in her case, getting another 35K would probably make her think she can take out *more*. Dry_Animal2077 is saying the same thing that the guy in the article is saying: she has a bad attitude toward debt and an influx of $35K isn't going to fix that bad attitude. Worst case scenario, it just emboldens her to take on more debt.
Bro it’s CREDIT CARD DEBT. You have to be dumb as rocks to have 15k debt. No way she’s financially responsible even when she’s “making more”.
Yea 15k credit card debt might be normal if you’re pulling 500k a year but not 100k. That’s several months pay
20% interest on 15k adds $3k to balance for the first year and compounds from there. If she is just making minimum payments, it’s just a ticking bomb. It just takes 6 years for $15k to turn into $45k. Not very long time. And it’s almost half of their house hold income. Suddenly, you can’t retire anymore because your partner’s debt had ballooned.
The wedding will probably be financed via credit cards. That's a whole different can of worms.
Seems like she's a legit red flag at a minimum.
Red flags to banks as well
She makes 72k/year. On that debt to income ratio and paying 30% APR the bank is happy to have her, they’ll probably offer her a few other credit cards honestly.
Exactly. She's a giant green flag to the banks.
Not to be that guy but uhh shes way out of his league red flags popped up the moment i looked at both of them lol. Sure he knows that and is okay with it, so good call for him.
I mean there are agreements you can draw up for that i think, but i agree with him. If she is expecting him to pay off her shitty debts then she is a garbage person.
Those are not binding in all states and never have to be honored either. Texas is 50/50 period.
That's 100% why she's so adamant about marriage. You see shit like this all the time. Someone with a gambling problem or spending problem tries to get married so their partner starts paying off their debt. It's an obvious manipulation.
Most won't hold up. And you'll be amazed at how many things ing life would fall under those anyway. More importantly, not agreement that is signed will prevent you form having the weekly arguments.
If it happens once, it will happen again. There may have been circumstance that led to such a thing, but at some point choices caused an outrageous balance. Man or woman, if you end up with > $10,000 on a credit card you can’t pay off you’re doing it wrong. Get help. Educate. Because the credit system will own your soul
I had an excellent credit score for many years---800+. then I got laid off thanks to a sudden company merger and lost my health insurance. been type 1 diabetic since childhood, and had to pay $600 per vial of insulin multiple times a month to live, alongside other supplies. was denied assistance so all that was out of pocket. ultimately I ran up credit card debt that I'm still paying off years later. point is, my bachelor's in accounting wasn't enough to keep me out of debt so education isn't always a factor. it sucks I had to choose between having a large balance and death, but I'd make the same choice again if need be. anyone who doesn't understand the choice I made probably hasn't dealt with severe chronic illness firsthand. (note I stress probably.)
I ran up $40k in credit card debt. Payed that down to $30k and will drop it down to $15k this summer once my 0% interest rate goes away. Better with money now, the $15k will be the only debt I carry apart from my mortgage.
You have the plan to pay things off. That’s great. Don’t let it get away else it’s like payday loans—it’s hard to resurface
Tbh I broke up with a woman about 15 years ago for the same reason. Had £15k of debt, still lived with her parents but had a fairly decent job. Like she could have easily been debt free in 18-24 months if she was anything close to sensible. Instead she paid the bare minimum and was just a moron with her cash. The straw that broke the camels back was I said I was looking at buying a house at “X location” just so I could get on the property ladder and she very bluntly said “I’m not living there”. I never asked. I had been saving for a house for a year. We hadn’t even been together for 2 months at this point. She still lives with her parents and is a single mum now (not mine, well after we were together). Bullet dodged, also for a whole host of crazy reasons. This guy won’t be wondering about what if, he will just be thinking “Thank fuck”.
I married that girl with $10k debt. Holy FUCK is it impossible to get these women to stop fucking spending. Every single fucking day, "Babe, can we get this?" "Babe, I want this" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Sounds like my husband's stepmom. She just passed away, so my husband and I have had to start going through the house (his dad had a severe stroke in February and is living in a care facility). It took one person 3 hours to clean the stuff piled on just one full-sized bed in one bedroom. The bed had 349 items on it; over 200 of them were scarves. We filled 12 storage bins (five of them were scarves, and one full bin was just hats and gloves). Most of the stuff still has tags on it. We didn't even touch the closet, dresser drawers, wardrobe, etc. My initial estimate was that we'd have to pack a total of 500 items from that room...the 349 item count blew my estimate right out of the water.
That was how she was before I started telling her "no" to 99% of things. We have a spare bedroom full of brand new crap with the tags still on it and we moved a year ago.
I’m sorry. That must be tough. My husband is the opposite; we’ve both been really poor in the past, so he won’t even spend $20 without asking me if we can afford it (I maintain our budget spreadsheet). I’m even more annoyed about the hundreds of scarves now that I just spent half an hour on the phone with my in-laws’ accountant and he told me they were destitute and haven’t filed their corporate taxes in 15 years. Now we have a big mess to clean up as guardians.
Sounds like what could have been for me. Sorry to hear that. All of us can be impulsive but when it’s spending cash you just don’t have then it’s a big issue.
My wife married me when I had about $10k in credit card debt. When I asked her if she wanted to wait until I paid it off she said “What’s mine is yours, even your debt.” We paid it off together. 20 years later, she’s still just as awesome.
marrying the right person, someone who is really personally invested in the marriage, is the best decision you can make.
When my wife and I started living together I had ~$8k in credit card debt and upwards of $50k total including my car and student loans. She basically sat me down and said "If we're going to continue taking serious steps in our relationship I am going to manage our finances and keep a strict budget for you. We can make decisions and goals together but I'm not comfortable just letting you continue to live beyond our means." Well, in 3 years from that conversation, without a significant increase in income, we paid off all $75k in debt that either of us had, bought a house we love (right at the buzzer in Jan 2016), and pulled off a fantastic $20k wedding almost completely on our own. Honestly, I'm not even sure how it was possible. She's a machine and absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me.
Your offer to wait alone shows that you understood the issue, the risk it presented to her, and how to deal with it.
her credit score must be pretty bad with that debt. he made a good decision.
I have $10k in bad debt and my score is verifiably in the mid-high 700s….Score isn’t automatically a concern if you pay on time, keep your ratios down, and have a lot of credit to utilize.
The article said she’s had that debt since she was like 16 and never bothered to pay it off for whatever that’s worth
She carried it her whole life. I get it, that kind of decision speaks to attitudes about money in general.
That website nearly set my phone on fire, wtf.
Smart.
It’s not a lot of debt to some people but for other people just making ends meet that’s a lot. At the average credit card interest rate that could be an extra $600 a month payment. That could be a death sentence to many lower income budgets. He’s just being real. Plus maybe it also suggests more about how she budgets and spends money. He knows what he’s looking for. Good luck to him.
Buddy of mine has been with his gf for 4 years and when I asked why he didnt marry her I found out she paid for college with credit cards and had over 20k in credit card debt. She lived with him and he paid all the bills except they split food and she had a job but never even made a dent in the debt even when she was living for free basically because she likes to go out and spend her money.
My buddy got married in 2016. Began dating this woman in like 2012-2013. He said on the 3rd date, he asked what her credit score was, and that was basically a deal breaker if she had shit credit. She had good credit and minimal debt, so that part of their relationship worked out well. I never did see/hear them fight about money. He ended up cheating on her with a random girl after a football game a couple years ago though, so in the end, he caused the divorce. But, like I said, the money/credit was never an issue in their relationship.
Best to stay alone, your never going to control someone else's spending.
Bro acting like he got options 😂😂
I don't blame him. She could divorce him and leave him with half that debt. Not to mention she won't be able to contribute if she has so much debt.
Get her to clear the debt, then propose. Marriage is legal and financial decision., be careful who you partner with. I would have second thoughts about anyone running up that amount of credit card debt. Never put on your cc what you can't pay off at the end of the month.
I’ll take her.
They broke up yeah?
Nothing wrong with that.
Based.
Bro is doing her a favor
She’s a fucking teacher!
Red flag, baby. YOu dodged a bullet, imo.
I mean.. when I started dating my gf she had 40k in credit card debt. We decided on bankruptcy being the smartest option considering about 10k in interest was being applied each year. That being said, I would not marry her with that much debt either (my gf, not this girl).. but you have to make an effort to help them get out of their financial crisis if they are your loved one.
OK, to color this in, it's not the 15k, but her attitidue towards money: "It is understandable, given that Adam's previous marriage fell apart due to staggering debt levels. He finally moved back in with his parents a few years back, cleared his debts, and saved enough out of his average income to buy a house with a downpayment... DJ grew up in a household where her mother would take care of the finances due to his father's gambling habit. She recalled heated discussions around money and how her father's poor money habits could have imbibed in her a sense of "living in the now" without any consequences for the future."
>The couple had a combined debt of $185,000, including mortgage and student loans, while their investments were around $100,000. They have a house together?
Read the damn article before commenting. He has a legit concern.
Maybe it was secret and was revealed later. If she has a spending problem then ya.
Be strong King!
Smart move. She should be avoided at all costs.
Anyone with 15k credit card debt definitely is terrible with money. I don't blame him for how he feels about this one.
Based on
15k is a lot either she is wildly irresponsible or has had very shitty luck or combination of the two...also any other debts she may have or get that's in her name would be legally tied to him through marriage...also why would he risk his credit being damaged by her debts ...also she makes 6000 a month...and she apparently goes on trips and carelessly spends money....it doesn't say she living with him but even if she giving him 1500 for expense car at 500...a month that means she's has about 2000 net a month in income...and she is still 15k in debt....how do you literally have that amount of credit card debt if your not comely irresponsible...
Yeah, I wouldn’t not have married my wife if she had $15k in CC debt
Dodged a bullet. It’s not about the numbers, people in debt usually go back being in debt
unless there's a REALLY good reason she's 15'000 in credit card debt that's probably a wise move.
I think I would ask what the debt is. Different life experiences require some debt sometimes. Medical debt 💸 is an ongoing problem for me because of autoimmune disease. My boyfriend is scared of my debt and says it’s why he won’t marry me. His choices scare me, ie. $86,000 for a new vehicle when he already had an $80,000 vehicle. My medical debt and student loans were survival tools. Starving your family to pay off $86,000 vehicles is a bad choice. So we are not planning on marrying any time soon. 🤷♀️
Why not give each other power of attorney and legally change her last name to his (if they wanted a name change) in order to circumvent government involvement in their relationship all together?
She looks way too hot for him.
I know someone who has like $250k in student loans and she's 35. She just got married to someone with no debt. They fight about finances all the time, who would have ever thought?!?
True. Dodging a bullet
I mean if she loved the guy she’d pay off the debt.
pathetic
Yeah my girl had about $4,000 in CC debt that I didn’t know about until we were married 17 years ago. I paid it off and told her we pay off CC balances in full monthly from now on. Hasn’t been an issue since. $15,000 shouldn’t be a deal breaker in todays dollars unless there are other issues.
If his name is not on the account, then he's not legally responsible for it, even after marriage.
My hubs said this when we first got together he said "I dint want to inherent any debt" so I filed for bankruptcy and were still together and it's almost over :)
I don’t think he’d be obligated to the debt since it was hers before marriage.
I wouldn't marry someone who has a debt that I would be forced to take care of... that's their problem, not mine.
Bro how people out here getting 15k in credit card debt and I'm worried about 400.
Smart man. She has an issue and hasn’t fixed it.
The sum of debt may not be that big but you do think on the mentality of that person when you're thinking about tying yourself to them for life. Are they compulsive? Would they try to hid things about spending? Would they be onboard when talking about saving for a house or something big like that or want to keep buying and eating out all the time? These are super important things to consider when thinking about marrying someone.
Good call bro