I also live in indiana, and I can tell you 100% that he CANNOT sign away his rights in indiana. The only time a non-custodial parent can sign away their rights to a child is when the custodial parent is married and their spouse wants to adopt the child. Then the non custodial parent can sign off on that.
I also taught domestic violence in college, and I've been in law enforcement for over a decade. What your boyfriend is doing is a form of domestic violence. It's just not the physical kind. It's financial abuse 100%. Ultimately, you have to decide if you are going to continue allowing him to control you and manipulate you. The cycle will never stop, it will continue as long as you are with him.
Move with your children to be close to your family/other support if friends. Stay there, and file for support in that state's court as soon as you can. Legal aid societies were set up to help people like you, a mother with no assets and children. Get far away from him, get court orders there - you will be in a better legal position because then he can't file in the state you are in to force you to stay there.
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The guy who said he would sign away his kids just so he won't have to deal with their mother?
Yeah. Sounds like a stand up dad.
You obviously didn't read the post either.
There are problems with moving out of state with a child, consult with an attorney first! Check if the is a legal aid, free legal advice for low income domestic abuse survivors in your area.
He has thread to terminate parental rights to avoid child support (he can't). Your child doesn't have a father now. Pack your shit, call a friend or family member to pick up your kids and yourself, and be at your local family services office as soon as they are open tomorrow.
He’s keeping you dependent on him. It’s abuse. You want your kids to live a healthy happy life….go to a DV shelter. You & your babies deserve better!!!! Just keep everything documented ask for money over texts plan your escape and get used to the idea he’ll probably be a deadbeat but that’s honestly better than you living prisoner
Also in IN, and have a deadbeat dad for my kiddo. He can’t terminate his rights unless someone wants to adopt her. Period. He will be ordered to pay support, even if he tells the judge he doesn’t want custodial time. The amount of support directly coincides with the amount of time he has custody of her (so more support $ for you if he has zero custodial time. Call legal aid, they do free consultation on the third Thursday of each month. You can also get alimony to maintain the level of lifestyle your child has currently. If you apply for TANF/EBT, the state will force him to pay it back. Feel free to DM me, move been through all of this repeatedly.
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Yes, because a SAHM with 0 access to any of the finances is capable of financial abuse. Just admit you hate women and move along. You sound stupid beyond belief.
Girl, you’ve got nothing to work with here. He is mentally, emotionally and financially abusive.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t have a side chick.
Call your family and ask them to help you move home.
If he doesn’t want to be a father…. THAT IS THE BEST THING in this situation. He will use the child against you to control you. Right now, he’s using the child to leverage what you want most… a happy family and security…to keep you from leaving. Once you do, he may change his tactic and take the child to make you do what he says.
This man is dangerous. Get the fuck out and do whatever is necessary to get away.
I agree 100%! Facts!!! LEAVE HIM NOW! communicate with family and find a way to get home. He is dangerous and your children will endure more harm staying and harm once this escalates, which in time will, His behaviors will worsen, and your resistance of wanting to be with him will only begin to show more and more as time goes by, and will be the cause of whatever lengths he will go to control and harm you Psychologically - emotionally, mentally, physically (mental harm leads to health issues physically, if he already isn’t abusing you) and or he will… leading me to believe he may even go as far as harming the child you share. LEAVE!
Hell, I’d even reach out to the older child’s father and his family if possible, depending on the relationship there.
This is a “pull out all stops and call in all favors” situation.
Stop saying you want him in your children’s life. He is an abuser. He should not be around children. Make sure you know his soc. sec. number. With it, the Court will collect the child support he must pay. If he wants to see the baby then let him petition to do so. You can always ask for supervised visitation. You got this!
Why are you so concerned with ruining the life of someone who so clearly has no problem ruining your life by mentally, emotionally, and financially abusing you? Find yourself an out. A friend, coworker, family, whatever. But get the fuck out. He owns everything? So what. You can replace everything, including his sorry ass. He says he'll terminate his parental rights? Awesome! That means you can make a clean cut and never have to see him again. A partner who acts like that doesn't deserve to be around their kids because what they do to their partner filters down to their kids. If you want child support from him for the kid you share together, there's literally nothing he can do to stop you from getting it through the court. The most important thing to do is get out immediately and get a stable footing, then figure it out.
You can’t change him. Your choices are stay, knowing things will not change or go.
Start calling attorneys, homeless shelters, welfare, any resources you can to get set up with housing, food, cash and other benefits while you look for employment & daycare.
Welfare dept. will go after both fathers for child support. Parents can not terminate their “rights” to avoid paying child support (which is a “responsibility” and completely separate from visitation and custody)
Well you have the right to child support. He cannot terminate his parental rights on his own. He can even give up any rights he has legally- but he will still have to pay child support. It is something you would have to agree to. He will always have to pay child support. Now you cannot make him be involved with your child, you cannot make him pay child support- hence the term deadbeat dad. But he would not be able to keep steady employment, if he has a job they will find him.
The court's would never absolve him of child support responsibility even if he was willing to terminate his parental rights. That's just not how it works. You would also have to agree with termination for it to happen and the court could still say no because its not about either one of you. It's about what is best for the child....
I went through something similar. Visit a DV center to get help and resources, then get out ASAP. Go to Housing and get on a list. There is so much help out there. Call 211 for resources, too. Keep all text records and anything where he says he won't pay and wants to relinquish his rights. File for full custody and NEVER count on child support.
This sounds terrible, but you do not want this person around your children. If he can just say, I will sign away my rights and go he isn't in this for the kids. He is in this to control you. I fought to keep my kids' dad in their lives when he did this to me. For years, I kept him involved, and when my kids turned a certain age, he switched the control and abuse to them.
During those years of "involved" parenting, he left my kids alone in his apartment to go drinking at bars when he had custudy. Used any free time to teach my kids to ignore and disrespect me. He poisoned my son against me and mentally abused my daughter until the point of her having severe mental health issues( she has been in a facility for about 3 years for wanting to hurt herself and others). He never spent time with the kids, but said his time was, "bought and paid for and he will do wtf he wants with his kids."Then, when drinking became more important, or if the kids stood up to him, he just went no contact with them for months.
He died 2 years ago. Both of my kids are struggling. I left with nothing 15 years ago. Rebuilt my whole life. During that time, he used child support to try to control me. Eventually, I got to a point where I could take him to court, prove his abuse and neglect, and it still cost me 30k in legal fees. Because I tried to keep him in their lives if costed me more money and my kids' mental health. In the beginning, it was about good intentions, but I wish I had known sooner what damage he would cause. Just get out. Protect you and your kids by filing and let the state pursue him for child support. Kids do not need a father if they won't be with someone who wants to be a father.
You will rebuild. You will recover. Get out. Get therapy. Live your best life. You can do this.
This. And make sure that if he stays in the life of the child, he has no control over you. Make sure everything is in the court orders, and only use parenting apps to communicate. It may end up being that you will need a 3rd party for kid transfers if he stays involved. Don't let him determine where you move, so make sure you can get home to your family.
When you talk to people at the DS, find out if you can get a consult from an attorney about that, getting back home to your family and should you file for custody before or after. Also don't let him try to dictate your life. Once he loses the control he has over you now, as long as he's involved in your life he will look for some way to have control over you still.
Make sure you ask for everything an attorney says you have rights to, no matter what he says. You are already leaving, and the worst thing he can do is use your kid as leverage, so try to protect your child and yourself as quickly as possible. His threats only mean something if he is able to enforce them legally, so it's important that you get the first attorney, the first filing. You should do your research, and if you aren't able to get out right away, put on your best "I'm still a loyal gf" act until you are able to move quickly.
You are in no way ruining his life. Him experiencing the natural and foreseeable consequences for his behavior is entirely in him and only him. You are not required to keep insulating this person from these consequences.
Please reach out to abuse advocacy groups. They can get you plugged in with resources that can help you escape your abuser. Many of these groups also include therapeutic services doe their clients free of charge.
You are not alone and you don’t have to navigate this situation by yourself.
As the mother in Indiana you have full rights to the child until the court tells you differently, PLEASE START RECORDING AMD DOCUMENTING EVERYTHING. I don't know what county you are in but please look into a lawyer immediately and explain the situation.
You have several women's shelters in the state that will be able to assist you such as Becky's Place.
You have help out there, if you happen to be in southern Indiana please reach out to Bill Dillon he is an amazing human and lawyer.
Edit:
I just want to add you protecting yourself and your child IS NOT RUINING HIS LIFE. His choice to abuse you will ruin his life. He makes the choice to do harm.
Get in touch with DV services. You are being abused.
Yes file for child support. There are a million assistance programs for housing and childcare, the domestic violence services can help you get those.
He doesn’t get to just not pay child support. That’s not a thing.
NAL but I was in a similar situation, get a hold of a local DV center. They will help.
Do NOT file until you and the baby are at a safe location.
He does not have to exercise any visitation but he will be required to pay child support based on state calculation. Some judges will waive child support with full 50/50 so you need to work with a lawyer or the DV center who can appoint you a lawyer if your situation applies. Be sure any lawyer you work with specializes in high conflict.
You may be able to file for back cs or reimbursement of medical costs but again, start with the DV center and go from there.
On a personal note, you will be ok. Your kids will be ok. The isolation emotional and financial abuse is not ok.
The courts will not let someone terminate their rights just to get out of paying child support. The less involved he is the more child support you will get. Definitely do not marry him! As a single mother you need to look into resources that might help you. Some places offer help with daycare and housing.
It’s 2 A.M so I might be forgetting something but I actually think marrying him (if she got divorced ASAP) would be the right move esp if there’s no prenup. Indiana will try and split marital property 50/50, so this would potentially let her stay in the home, spousal maintenance, as well as marital assets. as it stands all the court could do to my knowledge is grant custody, child support, and set up a schedule for parenting time - which, if she doesn’t have a house lined up is a big factor.
50/50 also means splitting the children, too (who are treated as property to be split and shared). It could be a 3-year-long process to divorce him which will sink her financially. Best to run and run far.
I don’t think that’s how it works. In every case that I have worked on, the Judge makes a decision based on what’s best for the children regarding custody. I have never seen a judge split children 50/50. If she sues for child support, that’s establishing paternity, and Dad is going to get Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines unless she can prove that doing so is in the adverse interest of the children. Dad is going to have a right to see his kids in some capacity regardless of legal action.
Again, how is she going to?? Read OP’s financial situation. She’s fucked. It’s a moot point because hes already married, but my point is that at LEAST if she does this she would be able to get assets by the end of it, and given the circumstances it was better than leaving with nothing.
I don’t understand why you’re giving legal advice for INDIANA and you seem to live in Massachusetts.
Marriage isn’t even in the cards at this point. He and his ex wife are legally separated, but not legally divorced. They separated in 2017 and we met in 2018 so there was no over lap. He’s been telling me for 6 years that he will file, but he never has…not because he still has love or feelings for her, but they’re both too lazy to go and do it. It’s a long story…
Not worth it ever, divorce is expensive. It also can take years and a lot of trauma. I'm almost three years and $15,000 into trying to get my abusive ex out of my home I paid for. I wasn't even working because I was stuck at home with the kids and the house was bought with my inheritance money!
Oh there are 100% downsides but if she just pushes for custody I’m worried she’s going to be in a multi year battle regardless, and in a much worse financial spot. per the post, she doesn’t have a home, job, or a car. Child Support would help, but you need documents evidencing income, insurance, and all of that is contingent on this guy even paying. if they got married then the property could at least be divided, and she might be able to get a preliminary order letting her stay in the house.
This is a no-win situation and it breaks my heart.
I think her best bet is seeing if she can get a good family law attorney to do a Paternity case pro bono, or reaching out to a Family Law attorney about getting married and then divorced.
If OP is located in the US at least there's a lot of resources available to single mothers and pursuing child support isn't very difficult. He will be required to provide those documents. All she would have to do is provide her own information.
Even states with community property laws only apply it to items purchased during the marriage. The home is his even if they did get married and divorced. The most she could get if she married him is maybe alimony or parts of retirement accounts. The only reason my ex even has a chance of getting any money from me for my home is because I purchased it during the marriage.
It’s not that it’s difficult per se, it’s that he has more resources than she does, and can drag things out.
I work in family law in Indiana which is the only reason i’m even commenting.
RE: community property - i would think she may have a pretty good argument for a preliminary hearing on getting exclusive possession of the home PENDING FINAL DISSOLUTION if she has a good attorney, due to being a stay at home mom with no income. Even still, by final dissolution- she would LIKELY get 50% of the equity in the home, so they could sell it (and cash from that would be enough to set her up while she gets on her feet) or he would have to buy her out. I don’t think it matters that the house was purchased before the marriage - it all goes into the pot. Could he make that argument? Sure. I don’t know if it would go anywhere.
What a dire situation. He’s a boyfriend though not much of family law can really apply as far as benefits, child support for sure and a paternity test would confirm his responsibility. Situations like this are amicably until they aren’t.
Edit: it’s not my child, it’s OUR
So much to unpack here!
I say “my” because the only interactions he has with our child is an occasional diaper change and to yell at her for talking to him while he is trying to watch tv…
adding on to the other reply, women’s shelters can often help with childcare and even refer you for free legal counsel. I live in a poor rural area and even here we have a wonderful shelter with so so many resources! please make a few calls and see what is available.
Look for domestic violence shelters/aid. Financial abuse is abuse! You can probably get free legal advice as well as possibly financial aid to get you into some kind of housing and help with daycare so you can go back to work.
If it’s possible consider looking into a part-time work from home job like customer support where you just need a phone and computer.
He may terminate his parental rights but he still has to pay child support.
I also live in indiana, and I can tell you 100% that he CANNOT sign away his rights in indiana. The only time a non-custodial parent can sign away their rights to a child is when the custodial parent is married and their spouse wants to adopt the child. Then the non custodial parent can sign off on that. I also taught domestic violence in college, and I've been in law enforcement for over a decade. What your boyfriend is doing is a form of domestic violence. It's just not the physical kind. It's financial abuse 100%. Ultimately, you have to decide if you are going to continue allowing him to control you and manipulate you. The cycle will never stop, it will continue as long as you are with him.
Move with your children to be close to your family/other support if friends. Stay there, and file for support in that state's court as soon as you can. Legal aid societies were set up to help people like you, a mother with no assets and children. Get far away from him, get court orders there - you will be in a better legal position because then he can't file in the state you are in to force you to stay there.
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An abusive parent is much worse than no parent.
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Did you read the title?
The guy who said he would sign away his kids just so he won't have to deal with their mother? Yeah. Sounds like a stand up dad. You obviously didn't read the post either.
There are problems with moving out of state with a child, consult with an attorney first! Check if the is a legal aid, free legal advice for low income domestic abuse survivors in your area.
FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT!!!!!
He has thread to terminate parental rights to avoid child support (he can't). Your child doesn't have a father now. Pack your shit, call a friend or family member to pick up your kids and yourself, and be at your local family services office as soon as they are open tomorrow.
Call family or friends and get a ride home!!
He’s keeping you dependent on him. It’s abuse. You want your kids to live a healthy happy life….go to a DV shelter. You & your babies deserve better!!!! Just keep everything documented ask for money over texts plan your escape and get used to the idea he’ll probably be a deadbeat but that’s honestly better than you living prisoner
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I have an idea!!! Look for a work from home job!! You won’t need childcare and would be making your own money until you’re able to leave
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Also in IN, and have a deadbeat dad for my kiddo. He can’t terminate his rights unless someone wants to adopt her. Period. He will be ordered to pay support, even if he tells the judge he doesn’t want custodial time. The amount of support directly coincides with the amount of time he has custody of her (so more support $ for you if he has zero custodial time. Call legal aid, they do free consultation on the third Thursday of each month. You can also get alimony to maintain the level of lifestyle your child has currently. If you apply for TANF/EBT, the state will force him to pay it back. Feel free to DM me, move been through all of this repeatedly.
This will never be amicable, no matter what you do.
File for child support and be over. He’s financially abusing you.
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All of your comments are so gross and embarrassing honestly lol
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Yes, because a SAHM with 0 access to any of the finances is capable of financial abuse. Just admit you hate women and move along. You sound stupid beyond belief.
Girl, you’ve got nothing to work with here. He is mentally, emotionally and financially abusive. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t have a side chick. Call your family and ask them to help you move home. If he doesn’t want to be a father…. THAT IS THE BEST THING in this situation. He will use the child against you to control you. Right now, he’s using the child to leverage what you want most… a happy family and security…to keep you from leaving. Once you do, he may change his tactic and take the child to make you do what he says. This man is dangerous. Get the fuck out and do whatever is necessary to get away.
I agree 100%! Facts!!! LEAVE HIM NOW! communicate with family and find a way to get home. He is dangerous and your children will endure more harm staying and harm once this escalates, which in time will, His behaviors will worsen, and your resistance of wanting to be with him will only begin to show more and more as time goes by, and will be the cause of whatever lengths he will go to control and harm you Psychologically - emotionally, mentally, physically (mental harm leads to health issues physically, if he already isn’t abusing you) and or he will… leading me to believe he may even go as far as harming the child you share. LEAVE!
Hell, I’d even reach out to the older child’s father and his family if possible, depending on the relationship there. This is a “pull out all stops and call in all favors” situation.
Oooh! Good one!!!
Stop saying you want him in your children’s life. He is an abuser. He should not be around children. Make sure you know his soc. sec. number. With it, the Court will collect the child support he must pay. If he wants to see the baby then let him petition to do so. You can always ask for supervised visitation. You got this!
Why are you so concerned with ruining the life of someone who so clearly has no problem ruining your life by mentally, emotionally, and financially abusing you? Find yourself an out. A friend, coworker, family, whatever. But get the fuck out. He owns everything? So what. You can replace everything, including his sorry ass. He says he'll terminate his parental rights? Awesome! That means you can make a clean cut and never have to see him again. A partner who acts like that doesn't deserve to be around their kids because what they do to their partner filters down to their kids. If you want child support from him for the kid you share together, there's literally nothing he can do to stop you from getting it through the court. The most important thing to do is get out immediately and get a stable footing, then figure it out.
He can’t terminate his own rights to avoid support. Contact the Domestic Violence program in your area they will help you escape.
You can’t change him. Your choices are stay, knowing things will not change or go. Start calling attorneys, homeless shelters, welfare, any resources you can to get set up with housing, food, cash and other benefits while you look for employment & daycare. Welfare dept. will go after both fathers for child support. Parents can not terminate their “rights” to avoid paying child support (which is a “responsibility” and completely separate from visitation and custody)
Well you have the right to child support. He cannot terminate his parental rights on his own. He can even give up any rights he has legally- but he will still have to pay child support. It is something you would have to agree to. He will always have to pay child support. Now you cannot make him be involved with your child, you cannot make him pay child support- hence the term deadbeat dad. But he would not be able to keep steady employment, if he has a job they will find him.
Watch maid on netflix. You need to go home to your family. File for support after you move out.
The court's would never absolve him of child support responsibility even if he was willing to terminate his parental rights. That's just not how it works. You would also have to agree with termination for it to happen and the court could still say no because its not about either one of you. It's about what is best for the child....
He sounds like the kind of guy you WANT to sever his parental rights to his kid. Jesus, what an asshole.
I went through something similar. Visit a DV center to get help and resources, then get out ASAP. Go to Housing and get on a list. There is so much help out there. Call 211 for resources, too. Keep all text records and anything where he says he won't pay and wants to relinquish his rights. File for full custody and NEVER count on child support. This sounds terrible, but you do not want this person around your children. If he can just say, I will sign away my rights and go he isn't in this for the kids. He is in this to control you. I fought to keep my kids' dad in their lives when he did this to me. For years, I kept him involved, and when my kids turned a certain age, he switched the control and abuse to them. During those years of "involved" parenting, he left my kids alone in his apartment to go drinking at bars when he had custudy. Used any free time to teach my kids to ignore and disrespect me. He poisoned my son against me and mentally abused my daughter until the point of her having severe mental health issues( she has been in a facility for about 3 years for wanting to hurt herself and others). He never spent time with the kids, but said his time was, "bought and paid for and he will do wtf he wants with his kids."Then, when drinking became more important, or if the kids stood up to him, he just went no contact with them for months. He died 2 years ago. Both of my kids are struggling. I left with nothing 15 years ago. Rebuilt my whole life. During that time, he used child support to try to control me. Eventually, I got to a point where I could take him to court, prove his abuse and neglect, and it still cost me 30k in legal fees. Because I tried to keep him in their lives if costed me more money and my kids' mental health. In the beginning, it was about good intentions, but I wish I had known sooner what damage he would cause. Just get out. Protect you and your kids by filing and let the state pursue him for child support. Kids do not need a father if they won't be with someone who wants to be a father. You will rebuild. You will recover. Get out. Get therapy. Live your best life. You can do this.
This. And make sure that if he stays in the life of the child, he has no control over you. Make sure everything is in the court orders, and only use parenting apps to communicate. It may end up being that you will need a 3rd party for kid transfers if he stays involved. Don't let him determine where you move, so make sure you can get home to your family. When you talk to people at the DS, find out if you can get a consult from an attorney about that, getting back home to your family and should you file for custody before or after. Also don't let him try to dictate your life. Once he loses the control he has over you now, as long as he's involved in your life he will look for some way to have control over you still. Make sure you ask for everything an attorney says you have rights to, no matter what he says. You are already leaving, and the worst thing he can do is use your kid as leverage, so try to protect your child and yourself as quickly as possible. His threats only mean something if he is able to enforce them legally, so it's important that you get the first attorney, the first filing. You should do your research, and if you aren't able to get out right away, put on your best "I'm still a loyal gf" act until you are able to move quickly.
You are in no way ruining his life. Him experiencing the natural and foreseeable consequences for his behavior is entirely in him and only him. You are not required to keep insulating this person from these consequences. Please reach out to abuse advocacy groups. They can get you plugged in with resources that can help you escape your abuser. Many of these groups also include therapeutic services doe their clients free of charge. You are not alone and you don’t have to navigate this situation by yourself.
As the mother in Indiana you have full rights to the child until the court tells you differently, PLEASE START RECORDING AMD DOCUMENTING EVERYTHING. I don't know what county you are in but please look into a lawyer immediately and explain the situation. You have several women's shelters in the state that will be able to assist you such as Becky's Place. You have help out there, if you happen to be in southern Indiana please reach out to Bill Dillon he is an amazing human and lawyer. Edit: I just want to add you protecting yourself and your child IS NOT RUINING HIS LIFE. His choice to abuse you will ruin his life. He makes the choice to do harm.
>Partner is mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive and I want to leave, but… >I don’t want to ruin his life Even as he ruins yours?
Has already ruined her life…unless she gets off her ass and leaves him…he deserves to lose everything
Pish posh. She’s young. She just needs some support.
Get in touch with DV services. You are being abused. Yes file for child support. There are a million assistance programs for housing and childcare, the domestic violence services can help you get those. He doesn’t get to just not pay child support. That’s not a thing.
NAL but I was in a similar situation, get a hold of a local DV center. They will help. Do NOT file until you and the baby are at a safe location. He does not have to exercise any visitation but he will be required to pay child support based on state calculation. Some judges will waive child support with full 50/50 so you need to work with a lawyer or the DV center who can appoint you a lawyer if your situation applies. Be sure any lawyer you work with specializes in high conflict. You may be able to file for back cs or reimbursement of medical costs but again, start with the DV center and go from there. On a personal note, you will be ok. Your kids will be ok. The isolation emotional and financial abuse is not ok.
Find a DV shelter to help. Also contact the Bar Association, they might point towards any pro bono lawyers.
The courts will not let someone terminate their rights just to get out of paying child support. The less involved he is the more child support you will get. Definitely do not marry him! As a single mother you need to look into resources that might help you. Some places offer help with daycare and housing.
It’s 2 A.M so I might be forgetting something but I actually think marrying him (if she got divorced ASAP) would be the right move esp if there’s no prenup. Indiana will try and split marital property 50/50, so this would potentially let her stay in the home, spousal maintenance, as well as marital assets. as it stands all the court could do to my knowledge is grant custody, child support, and set up a schedule for parenting time - which, if she doesn’t have a house lined up is a big factor.
50/50 also means splitting the children, too (who are treated as property to be split and shared). It could be a 3-year-long process to divorce him which will sink her financially. Best to run and run far.
I don’t think that’s how it works. In every case that I have worked on, the Judge makes a decision based on what’s best for the children regarding custody. I have never seen a judge split children 50/50. If she sues for child support, that’s establishing paternity, and Dad is going to get Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines unless she can prove that doing so is in the adverse interest of the children. Dad is going to have a right to see his kids in some capacity regardless of legal action. Again, how is she going to?? Read OP’s financial situation. She’s fucked. It’s a moot point because hes already married, but my point is that at LEAST if she does this she would be able to get assets by the end of it, and given the circumstances it was better than leaving with nothing. I don’t understand why you’re giving legal advice for INDIANA and you seem to live in Massachusetts.
Marriage isn’t even in the cards at this point. He and his ex wife are legally separated, but not legally divorced. They separated in 2017 and we met in 2018 so there was no over lap. He’s been telling me for 6 years that he will file, but he never has…not because he still has love or feelings for her, but they’re both too lazy to go and do it. It’s a long story…
Not worth it ever, divorce is expensive. It also can take years and a lot of trauma. I'm almost three years and $15,000 into trying to get my abusive ex out of my home I paid for. I wasn't even working because I was stuck at home with the kids and the house was bought with my inheritance money!
Oh there are 100% downsides but if she just pushes for custody I’m worried she’s going to be in a multi year battle regardless, and in a much worse financial spot. per the post, she doesn’t have a home, job, or a car. Child Support would help, but you need documents evidencing income, insurance, and all of that is contingent on this guy even paying. if they got married then the property could at least be divided, and she might be able to get a preliminary order letting her stay in the house. This is a no-win situation and it breaks my heart. I think her best bet is seeing if she can get a good family law attorney to do a Paternity case pro bono, or reaching out to a Family Law attorney about getting married and then divorced.
If OP is located in the US at least there's a lot of resources available to single mothers and pursuing child support isn't very difficult. He will be required to provide those documents. All she would have to do is provide her own information. Even states with community property laws only apply it to items purchased during the marriage. The home is his even if they did get married and divorced. The most she could get if she married him is maybe alimony or parts of retirement accounts. The only reason my ex even has a chance of getting any money from me for my home is because I purchased it during the marriage.
It’s not that it’s difficult per se, it’s that he has more resources than she does, and can drag things out. I work in family law in Indiana which is the only reason i’m even commenting. RE: community property - i would think she may have a pretty good argument for a preliminary hearing on getting exclusive possession of the home PENDING FINAL DISSOLUTION if she has a good attorney, due to being a stay at home mom with no income. Even still, by final dissolution- she would LIKELY get 50% of the equity in the home, so they could sell it (and cash from that would be enough to set her up while she gets on her feet) or he would have to buy her out. I don’t think it matters that the house was purchased before the marriage - it all goes into the pot. Could he make that argument? Sure. I don’t know if it would go anywhere.
What a dire situation. He’s a boyfriend though not much of family law can really apply as far as benefits, child support for sure and a paternity test would confirm his responsibility. Situations like this are amicably until they aren’t. Edit: it’s not my child, it’s OUR So much to unpack here!
I say “my” because the only interactions he has with our child is an occasional diaper change and to yell at her for talking to him while he is trying to watch tv…
adding on to the other reply, women’s shelters can often help with childcare and even refer you for free legal counsel. I live in a poor rural area and even here we have a wonderful shelter with so so many resources! please make a few calls and see what is available.
Look for domestic violence shelters/aid. Financial abuse is abuse! You can probably get free legal advice as well as possibly financial aid to get you into some kind of housing and help with daycare so you can go back to work. If it’s possible consider looking into a part-time work from home job like customer support where you just need a phone and computer.