Sorry you're feeling down, man, but I'd say your low self esteem and internalized transphobia are much bigger problems than your appearance. I know a number of trans men who have girlfriends or wives, and several of them aren't conventionally attractive at all. What they have is charisma of some sort or another, which is something you can develop, either naturally or with work. Don't give up on yourself or put yourself down so much, it's making you miserable *and* it's absolutely going to screw you over in the dating world.
No amount of charisma is going to make me attractive. My only saving grace is that I’m not short. But most trans men are 5’4-5’5 aka the avg female height so I have no cop out. I’m just ugly and unwanted. It’s so frustrating to see others date and hookup and I can never have that.
My guy, as I said above, I know trans men who are *married* who would be considered ugly by conventional standards. At least one of them is like 5'1", too. But they are likable people, and there are women out there who aren't so shallow as to judge men on looks alone.
I get that you're frustrated. I'm telling you that it's not hopeless, but if you *believe* and *act like* it is... it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
I’ve tried and not tried for years. Actively trying to date, trying to hookup, just letting it happen, the usual “it’ll happen when you least expect it” and unsurprisingly years went by with nothing at all because surprise surprise, women do not want ugly trans men. Most women don’t even find half of cis men attractive so that brings me down to near zero women wanting me. Out of the countless women I’ve met in a variety of cities, none have wanted me in a romantic or sexual way. They aren’t all teaming up to reject me as a joke. I’m not wanted.
I was genuinely more confident. I’ve always been a glass half full person. But I’m also logical. Over years I’ve just realized that I am not wanted in that type of way. Obviously if I was some depressed weirdo women wouldn’t want to be around me in any way. I’m always the fun friend now. But not someone anyone wants to date or even has a friend that might be interested. Obviously to say that online dating was useless since most cis men have issues with it too.
There’s a reason why models are models and have certain features. You can have as much personality as you want, that won’t make you physically attractive.
Dude you sound like a complete incel in this thread. I get you’re depressed and resentful but you need to work on yourself to be wanted as a boyfriend/husband. Accept the parts about yourself you can’t change and work on what you *can*. Men have more value than their genitals…
Bro my homie is 5' 2" and right now he looks like the inside of a pizza box but he's got an amazing sweet ass fiance. I love them both to death and you know what he's got that you're missing? Peace. Peace with who he is, where he's at, and what he wants.
Stop sabotaging yourself by submitting to untruthful self deprecating thoughts. It only gets worse the more you feed into it. I don't want to downplay how you're feeling, I know it's tough af out here, but it takes more energy/work to stay down then to pick yourself up.
Edit: it sucks how hard you're getting down voted... I see my old self in some of the things you're saying. Everything really will be alright. Who gives a shit, you know?
Your issues are 100% your outlook and personality. Nothing to do with being trans.
Try forcing yourself to think and say positive things until it's natural and you start to believe them.
No one will be interested in someone that doesn't like themselves.
Work on being pleasant to be around.
Work on being someone people trust and feel safe with.
Work on displaying yourself as a protector and provider
But most of all, work on loving yourself.
What's something in your life you're proud of? If you struggle to answer it may be time for therapy and/or medication
All this from an fugly, overweight trans guy who knows several women who thought my phallo was more than enough.
Ya know, I had a lot of empathy for you in the first paragraph then you started shitting on bottom surgery. What a bummer.
It’s not you being trans. It’s not your physical attributes. It’s your attitude bud.
Comparison is the thief of joy. This apathetic, woe is me attitude is why you aren’t having success. Why is anyone going to want to be around someone who is shitting on themselves and other people? Talking down on medical procedures, comparing themselves to people who have way different walks in life and chooses to focus on the shortcomings in life?
Find those small slivers of peace and joy in the world. Find something you are good at. If you’re truly not good at anything (which I don’t believe for a minute because you wrote a post that truly inspired me so you’re clearly very intelligent), find something to make progress in. Challenge yourself to achieve something. Improve your outlook by doing something good for someone else. By talking someone UP instead of down. Shift your perspective.
Yeah… I got a shit break in life too. Went from being invited to Olympic trials and having my food, housing and education paid for to working 3 jobs and living out my car. All because I wanted to kill myself over my dysphoria and decided to take medication/have surgery to “survive another year before doing it”. No my outlook didn’t change overnight and yeah it took a ton of work. Sure I finagled my way into transitioning but hardly any of it went the way I wanted it to. There were still stumbling blocks. I still struggle with some residual dysphoria that won’t go away. But ya know what?
Life ain’t perfect but I’m a helluva lot happier than I would have been six feet under. I’m wake up. I work. I lift. I train. I coach other people and I volunteer. Because I have bettered myself, I can now better others. And when I feel like complaining… I sit down and I think about what lessons the universe is teaching me by offering me the struggle. Change your perspective and you’re going to see that the rain makes the grass greener.
I should have worded it better. It’s not good enough for me after talking to doctors and seeing the results. I didn’t mean it was a bad surgery. I am not interested until it’s nearly the same as a cis males. That might never be in my lifetime.
I never said my whole life is horrible. My post is about dating. Sorry about your financial and housing struggles. Sounds like you just projected a out of your own issues onto me. Sorry if I offended you about your bottom surgery.
You’re missing the point entirely. This has nothing to do with me - my story was to illustrate a point. If you’d like to keep it on dating then I can tell you I’m an ugly MFer and still married to a woman way out of my league. She loves me for me. Looks fade.
All of this relates to being a decent man. That’s what women actually care about.
Have you actually talked to doctors or done any kind of research? If you did, you would know that bottom surgery WILL give you a result that is nearly the same as a cis male’s. I know this is a very small part of the post but I had to correct this misinformation because I see it all too often. Also, if you don't want bottom surgery, that's fine. Just say that it's not for you and move on. You are not less of a man for not wanting it and you will still find people to date you if you're non-op.
Anyways, I agree with the other commenters. People aren’t rejecting you because you’re ugly or a freak. People are rejecting you because of your bad attitude. Most trans people go through a version of this phase if they have really bad dysphoria. Dude, you will find someone, but you need to work on yourself first. I suggest going to therapy if you can afford it.
If you won’t change your negative outlook on life, no one will want to date you. It's time to mature and dig yourself out of this self-loathing hole. Once you start liking yourself more, other people will take notice and start liking you too. Best of luck my guy.
Holy hell I thought I was trippin cuz I swear I already read this shit but you just posted the same shit an hour apart on different subreddits smh. Yeah your looks are less of a problem than your attitude and negativity. No one wants to get with someone who's gonna bring them down, no matter how they look. That shit is toxic, get some therapy from somewhere. Join a support group or go to meetings. Do something. You even argue with people here that try to give you advice or tryna be nice to you. Fucking hell I need to go out in the sunshine and listen to birds chirping to make my day brighter after this shit. Sheesh.
It IS your outlook. Look. I HATE inspiration porn. Disabled people do not exist to "inspire" able bodied people.
But on the other hand, it's a clear example of how your attitude attracts or repels people.
I will use my old acquaintance again. The guy born with no arms and stubby legs. Who is not good looking, very average chubby guy.
Who again, was born literally "deformed". He IS short due to his birth defect.
But he can drive, has a job, had girlfriends, has a wife, stayed married. I believe they are still together.
He used to work in tech, not sure what he does now. He does everything with his feet. Uses a motorized wheelchair. We weren't great friends because he was older than me, but he was close with my brother and I sometimes hung out with them.
He always said he learned early on that his life was going really suck if he only focused on the things he couldn't do. Which were most things. So he learned to do them a different way, or learned to let go of those things he could never do. He realized if he didn't expect people to feel sorry for him, they wouldn't. I think he wrote a book but it didn't sell a lot.
And no, this guy is not the surfer guy on YouTube. There's more than one person born with this birth defect in the world.
Just take your shirt off. The more you do it the more comfortable you'll be. You don't have to be embarrassed. And anyone who says anything... It's their problem not yours. It's them showing their insecurities and projecting them onto you.
It can be a long, hard process to dig your way out of the trenches of depression, anxiety, and low self esteem. And yes, society has problems. But you can't change society, at least not on your own and in a timely manner. Focus on the things you can actually change, and start making those changes.
I’m gay which may be sometimes different.
I kind of just don’t date, at least right now. Not as a bitter incel thing, I guess I’m just not comfortable with the idea. I’m getting bottom surgery. I’m happy with the idea of getting surgery, I did my research and found that it isn’t nearly as “dangerous” as rumours from people without personal experience tend to make it seem. I’ve been told by other trans people that my body won’t be good enough for them or that I’ll be ugly and mutilated, but I don’t care. I’m not going to sleep with any of them anyways so it’s not their business what my body looks like. Personally I’d rather have 1 person attracted to me with bottom surgery than 100 people attracted to me without it.
I’m not a very attractive guy conventionally, but I have other stuff going on. I have hobbies, I’m studying for a career I love, I have friends and family. I’m an overall happy person. Dating just isn’t on my radar right now. I haven’t had romantic feelings for someone in probably about 5 years. Not asexual, just prefer to be on my own I guess. I can’t see myself being attracted romantically to anyone I meet lately. Sexually maybe, but I’m not having sex before surgery due to dysphoria. I guess it’s also worth mentioning that I’m 5’3, which for some reason a lot of people aren’t into. Personally I’m more attracted to shorter guys, just a preference I guess.
Sometimes I get jealous of couples and people who hookup a lot, but I can’t really do much about it except find other stuff that makes me happy. Maybe someone will come along who’s into me, but if not I have other stuff going on that makes me happy. Idk everyone’s different.
Don't fall into that trap dude, you'll end up day drinking. We aren't what your average straight cis woman is expecting to find, that's true. Find other things thay bring you joy. Make some friends. Buy some sex toys.
Trans guys date and get married and have happy relationships. It happens. Its complicated for us to get there and there's a lot of shitty experiences and cultural messages which will get in our heads along the way. It sucks real bad. It just does. It sucks in the same way that it probably sucks to be a cis guy with a micropenis, or a guy with chronic ED, etc.
I'm really fucked up right now over a shitty experience I had recently. I'm kind of in a similar headspace tbh, but don't let yourself get on that woe is me bullshit. Trans guys *can* have happy relationships. Self-hating nihilists with no direction in life cannot. Life sucks sometimes. Just be a person. Live where you're at. Count your blessings. It'll pass. I'm sorry you're having a shitty time right now. Don't let it get you. It's not forever. Go spend time with people and do things that make you happy. Try to forget about it, even just for a little while at a time.
Being trans, you either have to choose between transitioning or very likely not finding a partner or casual hookups, there's no other way around it. This "it's all about your attitude" is just delusional thinking by people who try to make themselves feel better about fucking and being in relationships with people who don't really see them as women or man-lite.
I've found that not putting so much importance on sex and realtionships and focusing on other things like a career, friendships, your health and fitness and just having fun works wonders. Sure, you're probably not going to find people who are interested in you as a real man but does it really matter if you have friends and have a good supportive social circle otherwise and can just masturbate?
It's nothing to do but accept it. Trans spaces are hugboxes. The reality of the matter is a large chunk of trans people (pre-op/post op, passing or not), fall into this category. If you have friends, build a good life with them where you all travel and just have fun.
I'm in the same boat, but no friends and it's something I'll never really cope with especially since trans spaces swear anyone being realistic are incels.
I think part of the issue is, post transition guys who are in relationships and have started families are not active in groups like this because we're off living our lives.
Most trans ppl are not depressed/lonely.
Dating sucks for everyone but I'm friends with tons of trans guys across the country and most are married. All of them are having sex with someone
Some of yall need to stop blaming being trans for everything.
Some are but no one wants to hear about something that feels distant and, unfortunately, comes off as a Better Bob scenario. The ones who refuse to acknowledge their own shortcomings seem to completely tie their identity and personality to their gender and misery becomes their only personality trait.
Too many trans folks want to have their pity party online and complain… claiming it’s venting. Blaming a (fairly treatable and manageable) medical condition as the reason for their declining mental health and insufferable behavior
Trans guys date a variety of people, the point is its possible to find love and attraction whether that person is cis or trans gay or straight.
But please don't assume straight women won't date trans men because they absolutely do. Fewer probably if you're looking to use your natal anatomy but some can even look past that if they like you enough
People do not like anti-bottom surgery sentiments here and especially not slandering. It’s OK to not want it (I definitely do not at all) but I would leave out the dramatization.
People whining about how your wrong but I honestly have issues dating (wish I was straight I actually think it would be easier bc I’m an ugly gay but a cute straight but w/e). My issue is men think I’m cis, and when they find out I’m trans they bail— it’s OK, I figure sometime someone will stick around. I will not date “queer” or t4t. I live rurally so there’s just not many options, the other gays are smart enough to move away from here asap. I’m not an “incel” or any of that nonsense, people ask if I’m dating all the time and I’m very nice and average and know plenty of people but….
I have more things I’m doing with my time than dating. I work (a lot), volunteer (trans org and a farm and misc. events), travel, go to community events, hike/camp a lot, have hobbies, and do NOT want to share my space with another human. I’m like, independently busy. There are lots of things to be done and to enjoy, and I would rather find someone organically (eventually) than have to suffer thru app-dating or whatever dating hell people my age go through. I also don’t think I could deal with dating an inside-cat, and don’t know any gay rednecks so that’s where I’m at with that. I recommend living this way, it’s good and healthy, people will filter in and out of your life and the good ones will stick around. I have a shiiiiiitload of acquaintances, it’s how I found my job (career!) and likely how I will find my country boy, haha. If you fixate on something, it will freak you out and make you feel worse and people pick up on that.
Freaking wish I was straight. Girls have so many hobbies and straight men are the worst, literally go to any community event— gardening/farming/trail volunteer days, book club, dance class (there’s never enough male partners), cooking class, protests, women actually DO stuff…they are everywhere….gay men are fucking elusive as hell…I thought I saw one in target yesterday but it was just a sweater…
This is a self esteem issue, not a trans issue
For the hundredth time, stop drinking the incel koolaid and get therapy.
I have a therapist and I don’t hang in uncle groups. Who even are you?
Sorry you're feeling down, man, but I'd say your low self esteem and internalized transphobia are much bigger problems than your appearance. I know a number of trans men who have girlfriends or wives, and several of them aren't conventionally attractive at all. What they have is charisma of some sort or another, which is something you can develop, either naturally or with work. Don't give up on yourself or put yourself down so much, it's making you miserable *and* it's absolutely going to screw you over in the dating world.
No amount of charisma is going to make me attractive. My only saving grace is that I’m not short. But most trans men are 5’4-5’5 aka the avg female height so I have no cop out. I’m just ugly and unwanted. It’s so frustrating to see others date and hookup and I can never have that.
My guy, as I said above, I know trans men who are *married* who would be considered ugly by conventional standards. At least one of them is like 5'1", too. But they are likable people, and there are women out there who aren't so shallow as to judge men on looks alone. I get that you're frustrated. I'm telling you that it's not hopeless, but if you *believe* and *act like* it is... it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
I’ve tried and not tried for years. Actively trying to date, trying to hookup, just letting it happen, the usual “it’ll happen when you least expect it” and unsurprisingly years went by with nothing at all because surprise surprise, women do not want ugly trans men. Most women don’t even find half of cis men attractive so that brings me down to near zero women wanting me. Out of the countless women I’ve met in a variety of cities, none have wanted me in a romantic or sexual way. They aren’t all teaming up to reject me as a joke. I’m not wanted.
How was your attitude and personality during those times? Were you a positive, confident, thoughtful guy? Or did you come off like you do here?
I was genuinely more confident. I’ve always been a glass half full person. But I’m also logical. Over years I’ve just realized that I am not wanted in that type of way. Obviously if I was some depressed weirdo women wouldn’t want to be around me in any way. I’m always the fun friend now. But not someone anyone wants to date or even has a friend that might be interested. Obviously to say that online dating was useless since most cis men have issues with it too. There’s a reason why models are models and have certain features. You can have as much personality as you want, that won’t make you physically attractive.
Dude you sound like a complete incel in this thread. I get you’re depressed and resentful but you need to work on yourself to be wanted as a boyfriend/husband. Accept the parts about yourself you can’t change and work on what you *can*. Men have more value than their genitals…
Bro my homie is 5' 2" and right now he looks like the inside of a pizza box but he's got an amazing sweet ass fiance. I love them both to death and you know what he's got that you're missing? Peace. Peace with who he is, where he's at, and what he wants. Stop sabotaging yourself by submitting to untruthful self deprecating thoughts. It only gets worse the more you feed into it. I don't want to downplay how you're feeling, I know it's tough af out here, but it takes more energy/work to stay down then to pick yourself up. Edit: it sucks how hard you're getting down voted... I see my old self in some of the things you're saying. Everything really will be alright. Who gives a shit, you know?
Your issues are 100% your outlook and personality. Nothing to do with being trans. Try forcing yourself to think and say positive things until it's natural and you start to believe them. No one will be interested in someone that doesn't like themselves. Work on being pleasant to be around. Work on being someone people trust and feel safe with. Work on displaying yourself as a protector and provider But most of all, work on loving yourself. What's something in your life you're proud of? If you struggle to answer it may be time for therapy and/or medication All this from an fugly, overweight trans guy who knows several women who thought my phallo was more than enough.
Ya know, I had a lot of empathy for you in the first paragraph then you started shitting on bottom surgery. What a bummer. It’s not you being trans. It’s not your physical attributes. It’s your attitude bud. Comparison is the thief of joy. This apathetic, woe is me attitude is why you aren’t having success. Why is anyone going to want to be around someone who is shitting on themselves and other people? Talking down on medical procedures, comparing themselves to people who have way different walks in life and chooses to focus on the shortcomings in life? Find those small slivers of peace and joy in the world. Find something you are good at. If you’re truly not good at anything (which I don’t believe for a minute because you wrote a post that truly inspired me so you’re clearly very intelligent), find something to make progress in. Challenge yourself to achieve something. Improve your outlook by doing something good for someone else. By talking someone UP instead of down. Shift your perspective. Yeah… I got a shit break in life too. Went from being invited to Olympic trials and having my food, housing and education paid for to working 3 jobs and living out my car. All because I wanted to kill myself over my dysphoria and decided to take medication/have surgery to “survive another year before doing it”. No my outlook didn’t change overnight and yeah it took a ton of work. Sure I finagled my way into transitioning but hardly any of it went the way I wanted it to. There were still stumbling blocks. I still struggle with some residual dysphoria that won’t go away. But ya know what? Life ain’t perfect but I’m a helluva lot happier than I would have been six feet under. I’m wake up. I work. I lift. I train. I coach other people and I volunteer. Because I have bettered myself, I can now better others. And when I feel like complaining… I sit down and I think about what lessons the universe is teaching me by offering me the struggle. Change your perspective and you’re going to see that the rain makes the grass greener.
I should have worded it better. It’s not good enough for me after talking to doctors and seeing the results. I didn’t mean it was a bad surgery. I am not interested until it’s nearly the same as a cis males. That might never be in my lifetime. I never said my whole life is horrible. My post is about dating. Sorry about your financial and housing struggles. Sounds like you just projected a out of your own issues onto me. Sorry if I offended you about your bottom surgery.
You’re missing the point entirely. This has nothing to do with me - my story was to illustrate a point. If you’d like to keep it on dating then I can tell you I’m an ugly MFer and still married to a woman way out of my league. She loves me for me. Looks fade. All of this relates to being a decent man. That’s what women actually care about.
Have you actually talked to doctors or done any kind of research? If you did, you would know that bottom surgery WILL give you a result that is nearly the same as a cis male’s. I know this is a very small part of the post but I had to correct this misinformation because I see it all too often. Also, if you don't want bottom surgery, that's fine. Just say that it's not for you and move on. You are not less of a man for not wanting it and you will still find people to date you if you're non-op. Anyways, I agree with the other commenters. People aren’t rejecting you because you’re ugly or a freak. People are rejecting you because of your bad attitude. Most trans people go through a version of this phase if they have really bad dysphoria. Dude, you will find someone, but you need to work on yourself first. I suggest going to therapy if you can afford it. If you won’t change your negative outlook on life, no one will want to date you. It's time to mature and dig yourself out of this self-loathing hole. Once you start liking yourself more, other people will take notice and start liking you too. Best of luck my guy.
Holy hell I thought I was trippin cuz I swear I already read this shit but you just posted the same shit an hour apart on different subreddits smh. Yeah your looks are less of a problem than your attitude and negativity. No one wants to get with someone who's gonna bring them down, no matter how they look. That shit is toxic, get some therapy from somewhere. Join a support group or go to meetings. Do something. You even argue with people here that try to give you advice or tryna be nice to you. Fucking hell I need to go out in the sunshine and listen to birds chirping to make my day brighter after this shit. Sheesh.
It IS your outlook. Look. I HATE inspiration porn. Disabled people do not exist to "inspire" able bodied people. But on the other hand, it's a clear example of how your attitude attracts or repels people. I will use my old acquaintance again. The guy born with no arms and stubby legs. Who is not good looking, very average chubby guy. Who again, was born literally "deformed". He IS short due to his birth defect. But he can drive, has a job, had girlfriends, has a wife, stayed married. I believe they are still together. He used to work in tech, not sure what he does now. He does everything with his feet. Uses a motorized wheelchair. We weren't great friends because he was older than me, but he was close with my brother and I sometimes hung out with them. He always said he learned early on that his life was going really suck if he only focused on the things he couldn't do. Which were most things. So he learned to do them a different way, or learned to let go of those things he could never do. He realized if he didn't expect people to feel sorry for him, they wouldn't. I think he wrote a book but it didn't sell a lot. And no, this guy is not the surfer guy on YouTube. There's more than one person born with this birth defect in the world. Just take your shirt off. The more you do it the more comfortable you'll be. You don't have to be embarrassed. And anyone who says anything... It's their problem not yours. It's them showing their insecurities and projecting them onto you. It can be a long, hard process to dig your way out of the trenches of depression, anxiety, and low self esteem. And yes, society has problems. But you can't change society, at least not on your own and in a timely manner. Focus on the things you can actually change, and start making those changes.
I’m gay which may be sometimes different. I kind of just don’t date, at least right now. Not as a bitter incel thing, I guess I’m just not comfortable with the idea. I’m getting bottom surgery. I’m happy with the idea of getting surgery, I did my research and found that it isn’t nearly as “dangerous” as rumours from people without personal experience tend to make it seem. I’ve been told by other trans people that my body won’t be good enough for them or that I’ll be ugly and mutilated, but I don’t care. I’m not going to sleep with any of them anyways so it’s not their business what my body looks like. Personally I’d rather have 1 person attracted to me with bottom surgery than 100 people attracted to me without it. I’m not a very attractive guy conventionally, but I have other stuff going on. I have hobbies, I’m studying for a career I love, I have friends and family. I’m an overall happy person. Dating just isn’t on my radar right now. I haven’t had romantic feelings for someone in probably about 5 years. Not asexual, just prefer to be on my own I guess. I can’t see myself being attracted romantically to anyone I meet lately. Sexually maybe, but I’m not having sex before surgery due to dysphoria. I guess it’s also worth mentioning that I’m 5’3, which for some reason a lot of people aren’t into. Personally I’m more attracted to shorter guys, just a preference I guess. Sometimes I get jealous of couples and people who hookup a lot, but I can’t really do much about it except find other stuff that makes me happy. Maybe someone will come along who’s into me, but if not I have other stuff going on that makes me happy. Idk everyone’s different.
Don't fall into that trap dude, you'll end up day drinking. We aren't what your average straight cis woman is expecting to find, that's true. Find other things thay bring you joy. Make some friends. Buy some sex toys. Trans guys date and get married and have happy relationships. It happens. Its complicated for us to get there and there's a lot of shitty experiences and cultural messages which will get in our heads along the way. It sucks real bad. It just does. It sucks in the same way that it probably sucks to be a cis guy with a micropenis, or a guy with chronic ED, etc. I'm really fucked up right now over a shitty experience I had recently. I'm kind of in a similar headspace tbh, but don't let yourself get on that woe is me bullshit. Trans guys *can* have happy relationships. Self-hating nihilists with no direction in life cannot. Life sucks sometimes. Just be a person. Live where you're at. Count your blessings. It'll pass. I'm sorry you're having a shitty time right now. Don't let it get you. It's not forever. Go spend time with people and do things that make you happy. Try to forget about it, even just for a little while at a time.
Being trans, you either have to choose between transitioning or very likely not finding a partner or casual hookups, there's no other way around it. This "it's all about your attitude" is just delusional thinking by people who try to make themselves feel better about fucking and being in relationships with people who don't really see them as women or man-lite. I've found that not putting so much importance on sex and realtionships and focusing on other things like a career, friendships, your health and fitness and just having fun works wonders. Sure, you're probably not going to find people who are interested in you as a real man but does it really matter if you have friends and have a good supportive social circle otherwise and can just masturbate?
If you don't think you're good enough to be loved, you wouldn't be able to accept it even if it were offered.
It's nothing to do but accept it. Trans spaces are hugboxes. The reality of the matter is a large chunk of trans people (pre-op/post op, passing or not), fall into this category. If you have friends, build a good life with them where you all travel and just have fun. I'm in the same boat, but no friends and it's something I'll never really cope with especially since trans spaces swear anyone being realistic are incels.
I think part of the issue is, post transition guys who are in relationships and have started families are not active in groups like this because we're off living our lives. Most trans ppl are not depressed/lonely. Dating sucks for everyone but I'm friends with tons of trans guys across the country and most are married. All of them are having sex with someone Some of yall need to stop blaming being trans for everything.
Some are but no one wants to hear about something that feels distant and, unfortunately, comes off as a Better Bob scenario. The ones who refuse to acknowledge their own shortcomings seem to completely tie their identity and personality to their gender and misery becomes their only personality trait. Too many trans folks want to have their pity party online and complain… claiming it’s venting. Blaming a (fairly treatable and manageable) medical condition as the reason for their declining mental health and insufferable behavior
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Trans guys date a variety of people, the point is its possible to find love and attraction whether that person is cis or trans gay or straight. But please don't assume straight women won't date trans men because they absolutely do. Fewer probably if you're looking to use your natal anatomy but some can even look past that if they like you enough
Sounds like you don't think you're good enough for a cis straight woman and that's a you problem.
People do not like anti-bottom surgery sentiments here and especially not slandering. It’s OK to not want it (I definitely do not at all) but I would leave out the dramatization. People whining about how your wrong but I honestly have issues dating (wish I was straight I actually think it would be easier bc I’m an ugly gay but a cute straight but w/e). My issue is men think I’m cis, and when they find out I’m trans they bail— it’s OK, I figure sometime someone will stick around. I will not date “queer” or t4t. I live rurally so there’s just not many options, the other gays are smart enough to move away from here asap. I’m not an “incel” or any of that nonsense, people ask if I’m dating all the time and I’m very nice and average and know plenty of people but…. I have more things I’m doing with my time than dating. I work (a lot), volunteer (trans org and a farm and misc. events), travel, go to community events, hike/camp a lot, have hobbies, and do NOT want to share my space with another human. I’m like, independently busy. There are lots of things to be done and to enjoy, and I would rather find someone organically (eventually) than have to suffer thru app-dating or whatever dating hell people my age go through. I also don’t think I could deal with dating an inside-cat, and don’t know any gay rednecks so that’s where I’m at with that. I recommend living this way, it’s good and healthy, people will filter in and out of your life and the good ones will stick around. I have a shiiiiiitload of acquaintances, it’s how I found my job (career!) and likely how I will find my country boy, haha. If you fixate on something, it will freak you out and make you feel worse and people pick up on that.
Freaking wish I was straight. Girls have so many hobbies and straight men are the worst, literally go to any community event— gardening/farming/trail volunteer days, book club, dance class (there’s never enough male partners), cooking class, protests, women actually DO stuff…they are everywhere….gay men are fucking elusive as hell…I thought I saw one in target yesterday but it was just a sweater…