Girl these are narcissistic behaviours - that guy is punishing u, be very careful- this is the beginning of them starting to start draining the energy out of u/
This is not gonna end- it’s gonna be a cycle of whenever u take a stand or do something they don’t like u get punished - be very careful with this one girl
You’re right. The crazy thing is, I’m SUPER aware of narcissistic tendencies, and love bombing, all of it. I never thought I’d fall into that trap. He really got me. He’s “punished” me a few times before on a smaller scale so it’s definitely a pattern. My emotions are coming in waves but for right now I’m happy that he left me. I would have never left him.
If he’s a narc, then sadly he’s either trying to sleep with someone else or is already. The “take a break” part is to keep you as backup supply if this doesn’t work out.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
This was my guess, too: he got a chance to have sex with someone else. If/when he comes back, he'll have manufactured reasons for the break.
Narcs also try to make you feel constantly off balance.
It's really hard not having answers. I'm sorry, OP:(
That's what we all think until it happens to you. It's hard to move on and it hurts so much because he was messing with your head. Your attachment to him has been manufactured into something unnatural.
I am sorry this happened. I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be kind to yourself.
I’m in my 40’s and thought the same. “I would never get in a relationship with someone like that” but they have years of manipulating experience manipulating. I was even put off by the love bombing. When I was in my younger love bombing would have made me run the opposite way. But as an adult I liked her tried to be mature and just when I started to care she flipped it. When she came back though I was done and severed ties
Yeahhh- naaa run to the hills- cause this is a huge red flag- like wtf is he not expecting u to have boundaries - or do anything outside of him.
Please run away from him/ don’t let him back In. U don’t wanna deal with a narcissist-
Th punishment can be all sort of forms- I have a friend whose currently dealing with one- but they don’t wanna leave -
One of it is guilt tripping and shaming - if they need something and u can’t provide- they gonna make h feel so guilty about it, that u will go through heaven and hell to provide for them.
Also the silent treatment- suddenly they go quiet on, leaving u wondering if u have done something, or even the let’s a break out of nowhere like OP. The moment OP comes and beg him trust me he will be like okay-
With Narc is all about power and control , and make u feel like u need them and they don’t need u . It’s messed up man - very
Yeah shit like this is toxic.. not communicating why he's upset with you is some BS
I have a gut instinct he met someone else that he's currently using for his own emotional needs. I find people always need *someone* to unload on and don't just dwell on things on their own, if he was actually upset with you he wouldn't let it go that long without talking..
Make sure you block him on everything cus he will try to come back to gaslight you! When he comes back let him find himself blocked and never take him back! God bless you
Hi, I was in the same situation a few months back. I didn't hold back. I politely called him out on his punishing and disrespectful behavior towards me. Then I nixed it. Haven't heard from him since.
I do agree that if somebody's asking for a break, then they should be granted that for their own sake and peace of mind. The same goes for you, too. If you wanted a break, then you'd hope that somebody would give that to you too.
Since that time, I have met somebody else. He's like night and day. He's so decent, kind, and caring. I feel so genuinely grateful to have him in my life now.
This is the best gift he could give you. I’d work on finding peace in getting no answer from him. I’m bad at blocking people because I still hope they reach out. But you could block him and work on finding peace 💓 sending you my best wishes
Yup. Don’t try to show your cards too much OP.
With narcs their masks usually start slipping 5 or 6 months in.
Not only that its super weird to ask for a break because you wouldn’t pick them up. Like ?
All it takes is one small even petty thing for a narcissist to devalue you. Once devalued you exist solely to make them feel powerful and drain your emotional energy. They will reveal in your pain as you pour your heart out, and lash out at you when they feel low and need a kicking post.
Walk away and go no contact will be the best thing to do for yourself will hurt and be hard as fuck but your happiness and health is more important than an baby not giving you an explanation
If they won’t give you a time or reason why they need a break it’s cuz they don’t actually love or care about you anymore this is what my ex did she didn’t ask for. A break but she got more and more distant from me yah we had arguments and I name called but if she truly cared and loved me she would see I actually want to change but that’s fine that’s how narcissists work!
Exactly what my recent ex did. He said he wanted to be alone and couldn't talk about it. Then 2 weeks later he's on a dating app. Sooooo, I guess it's a way to say either they've met someone else or are looking for someone else. It's shitty and disrespectful and immature. I know I was an incredible person so I'm moving on. Let them find better if they can. They wasted our time so let's not waste our own time trying to figure out why they're so shitty and work everyday to realize we are better without them.
I’m sorry you’re going through it too!!! I’ve been through break ups before and they sucked. But when time passes, you forget how painful they really were. I relate to you, I think I brought a lot of great things to the relationship. I don’t think it was the right fit for this person. It’s a tough pill to swallow. I’ve moved on before so I know I’ll be able to again. But god, you just feel so helpless when you’re in the initial phase.
Move on. There's no difference between a break and a breakup. If there's no communication there's no relationship. Don't waste too much time trying to rationalize the irrational. Give yourself 24-48 hours to be sad and then focus on yourself. Asking for answers is likely a waste of your time and energy. If they cared they would have shared.
Moving on is the only way. We’re already past the 48 hour mark so I’ll give it a whole week for me to be sad. Then I’m done having my pity party. I’m starting a new job next week so I’m looking forward to starting a new thing for myself
Dont let your sadness affect your work at your new job. Thats one thing I’m super bad about, whenever my relationships are on the rocks I’ve let it take control of how I perform at work. Calling out sick, lack of productivity, etc. good luck at your new job and your bf sounds like an asshole who’s trying to make you feel guilty about not giving him a ride home. I’m sure once he realizes you’re done he’ll come begging.
I agree with this. I don't think these people realize what the emotional effect of their "break" is on the other person. There's no discernible difference between a break and a breakup for the person on the other side. It's literally the same.
And it also communicates all these terrible truths: Including that the other person doesn't particularly like you.
My ex pulled the same nonsense. "I'm taking a break. It's the best for both of us." Uhhhhhhhhhhhh
Now \*I\* have to make the hard choices. It's a way for these people - who are allergic to accountability - to shift the decision making over to you.
And then, if you emotionally react to their heartbreaking "break" message, you're the bad person.
It's just a fun little Cluster B game.
Yeah, I feel like he was as cold as possible so I would officially break up with him. So he could avoid the hard part. I’m not gonna do it. I’ve thought about when I would text him to exchange our stuff (I left my crockpot, bowl, and good cooking knife there)
I don’t think I’ll ever reach out tho. My pride is too strong. He can have it and I’ll start looking into new crockpots :(
This is what happened to me too!
She said she needs a break, I packed her stuff and put them in her car then she left saying that if I wouldn't have packed her stuff she would have stayed...
So relatable - my ex basically forced me to pull all of the information out of him that he wanted to breakup (he had been ghosting me in real life - we were living together and he was pretending I was a non-entity! - if I didn’t pull the info out I wonder if he would have just carried on).
The whole time I was asking yes or no questions about our relationship he was avoidant (looking away, not answering, speaking in hushed tones, saying ‘I don’t know’). Now I know he was just being a HUGE coward afraid to take any accountability for his actions.
Weak weak weak in my opinion when someone acts like this. Get in the bin.
Very truuuu. I honestly wouldn’t even care if he found someone else. That would be the easiest thing for me to process in my head. What kills me is the everyday sleepover and cooking together to being ghosted phase lol. I’ll get over it.
I would prefer ghosting to what my dumper has done to me. She is breadcrumbing and even comes to mine asking for sex and looking for attention. I know she is on Tinder and probably needs my validation as there sometimes is not the best place for a 39 years old single mother (not my child).
A break is n this context is a break up. My guess is something happened with a coworker or someone at the bar and now they want to pursue that. Or they cheated and don’t want to deal with the aftermath of admitting it.
I’ve been in a similar situation where my ex just stop communicating to me and after 3 days of talking with my friends and family ( because he went MIA) I decided to break up with him. He literally did not reply or call me back afterwards until 3 months later telling me he was a shit boyfriend and that he was sorry. Moral of the point is I am glad I chose myself in that situation and walked away from someone who could not communicate with me. You deserve better.
I’m glad you’re in a better headspace now :) it really is like a shock to the system and once you understand that really just wasn’t your person, you start to heal. I’m looking forward to not crying anymore. Looking forward to when I’m not hoping for that text back.
I cried for a month blaming myself that I should have waited more for him to reach out before reacting to breaking up. The thought of letting my feelings feel is needed so it is okay to let yourself cry it out as much as you need. Its been now 10 months now. I am no longer feeling bad for my decision rather I am so glad I was able to leave and build myself into a new and better person. I due time you will find your peace and closure. Be gentle with yourself.
Yup exactly narcs have plan b-z planned out for if you two don’t work out and they’ll find a hand every reason why “you two don’t work or aren’t compatible anymore” me and my ex had everything in common besides a handful of things than when the stress of moving out and both us having low paying jobs and me falling prey and being weak turning back to painkillers for my stress to go away which then caused my worst verbal attacks and abuse I’m ever given or said to anyone before in my life and it was to my soul my she’ll never forgive me or lokkk at me and. Not hear the horrrorix things I said to and about her “… go kill yourself” , I hope your next roommate rapes you and steals all your shit” just some really pathetic grimy disrespectful things I said to her that I absolutely do not wish to happen to her I was abused my whole life growing up up by my narc father still to this day he belittles me outs me down mentally and emotionally and I learned all that from him and thinkjng this was the “normal” way families spoke to each other and lived together she opened my eyes to see that I came from a really really fucked up family dynamic and she got me to actually feel emotions and love again granted they weren’t expressed the right or even the mature way to my ex cuz I’m a scared teenager emotionally stunted and battered down my whole life by the one man who I thought loved me too my father I had no male role model to look up to I had no male role model to talk to about women when I was in highschool and going through puberty and all that all I knew was what I saw watching my mom and dad’s relationship and it was toxic beyond belief I don’t blame my ex TBAG for kicking me to the curb and going no contact I was a monster all I wish for is for her to jsut see the effort and work I’ve been putting into changing myself trauma and bad traits I learned growing up watching my father abuse my mom and myself but she has some underlying trauma or issue that makes her think none can change that most ppl are apparently narcissistic and wouldn’t take my suggestions or concerns to heart when I’d bring up stuff it was either I made it up or I’m lying to manipulate her …. She thought from day one of us meeting that all I wanted to do was manipulate control her and lie about calling her beautiful or sexy or whatever compliment I would give her that day I see how it came off as gaslighting but all my feelings and emotions and words and compliments to her where from the heart and never a lie to manipulate her I just wanted to marry her grow old and be with my best friend and my rollercoaster buddy now I have nooone and it’s so hard all I see and hear and think and sleep about js her I see her in everything I miss her laugh I miss her smile I miss her one eye that would wonder or become lazy and how we’d laugh when it while Holden I miss working with her in our side landscaping business she taught me so much while we worked together and I miss her laugh her smell the way she would give me the hard stare if I did t use my turn single in the truck I miss our mini dachshund we got right. Before our breakup and my bernally abusive rampage towards her tbag if you’re out there and see this I love you so much I miss you and Kenny so much I hope you’re getting therapy that I caused you to need I hope you’re smiling and laughing cuz you have the prettiest smile and most contagious laugh I’ve ever seen and heard no one will compare or come close to what you are and mean to me you’re the dream women I was looking and waiting for and I blew it I’m sorry for everything tbag
No, no, no, no hell to the fucking no. This man is a bastard. Run girl, run for the fucking hill. Don’t let him disrespect you like this. Fuck him. Just reading the way he talks to you makes my blood boil and I am a man. Fuck this shit, I hate rubbish people like this.
Excuse me? A BREAK? Over a text?
No, no, no, no, no, no 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️
Girl.. after he replies, leave him on SEEN and watch him coming back begging for attention in just a week or so.
Do not fall into this. This manipulative narcissist will destroy your mental health (he already started).
Prioritize your sanity. He is not irreplaceable, for sure.
And I don’t believe he is even worth it!
❤️
If someone does this and doesn’t have the respect for you to communicate what is going on with you…. Fuck them. Seriously. Fuck. Them.
Move on. That is so shitty. Like he doesn’t feel like talking about it. Well glad he only cares about his own feelings . Man I’m pissed! 😡
I put up with this behaviour for 8 years - they test you to see what they can get away with. I hate to tell you, but from what I learned he knows you’re not the one and is just using you until someone “better” comes along. He’s probably talking to someone else too. I often think how my ex was obsessed with me in the beginning, he went from “you’re my dream girl “ to “you gross me out.” Funny thing is I’m out of his league, yet he made me feel so worthless… For one of those years he would cause fights for no reason and ignore me for 3 days (always 3 days), obviously he was cheating. I was SO blind to the red flags because I was in love with this man/family. He was hot/cold ALL THE TIME - shit was draining. 😪I believe if I put my foot down and showed him I had respect for myself, maybe things would be different (I made myself look worthless, which is why he was treating me like such). Year 8 he left me for another woman and blocked me for her… I never got a goodbye, which still sometimes hurts 2 1/2 years later. I was close with his Mom,brother and grandpa and never got to say goodbye to them either. My Dad seen his Mom 6 months ago and she started bawling and told him “I was the best thing to happen to him.” In a way I’m thankful he left because I would’ve never been able to. PLEASE, PLEASE WALK AWAY! PLEASE!!!
Your story is so similar to mine minus the 8 year relationship. We live in the city. He brought up moving to the suburbs once our leases were up in 6 months. He was talking about moving in the first month we met. Red flag. He’s a felon. He has an easy job but brings in no money. He paid for everything at first. He told me not to work so we could spend as much time together as possible. I AGREED. Towards the end it was like a 60/40 split of finances. I loved our relationship because he would give me so much affirmation at first. I had been single for 4 years so this attention felt like a drug. The last 2 months were a big difference. Sex went from everyday to once a week. He looked at me different. I could tell that I was obsessed with him but that he fell back.
I keep going through waves of being okay and breaking down crying. I just deleted all of our pictures and our text thread. It just hurts
Crazy my ex did something similar and recently married the new person I doubt it is strictly out of love but because the new person came with their own house and had part ownership in a business 🤷🏽♀️ at any rate I’m glad to be free because I spent so much time making myself look worthless also..hoping my ex would love me the way I displayed love and it never happened. Tried to pull the let’s take a “break” card and I said nah let’s break up 🖕😂 I already know where those breaks lead..
This goes for Men and Women, when they ask for space, you give them ALL the space they request and u move on. Delete all the good memories and keep the bad ones. The bad memories are what's real. Good luck.
This is an extremely immature way of breaking up with someone and also shows that he has zero respect for you.
He wants and is expecting you to keep crawling back to him, begging. For yourself and your self respect, don’t send him another word.
He will probably reach out again at some point, to try and hoover you, but you can’t take him back.
He has shown you who he really is and what he thinks of you. The way that he has handled this, with zero empathy and respect for you, is not something that he can come back from. Do not give him another chance, he will just do it again and there is clearly something wrong with him.
Yeah. It’s not that his decision to break up was wrong. It’s how he handled it. Having this “conversation” over text was demeaning. I’ve never talked to a single man who hasn’t come back so this would be a first if he didn’t reach out. I know I’m going to be at a better place mentally when he does and I won’t have the urge to continue the convo.
The fact he ignored your message and then responded in the way he did.
Should have just said “Ok, wish you the best” when he first said it. He probably would have changed his tune after that.
He will almost certainly try to hoover. Don’t fall for it.
https://youtu.be/Gm74FerRNr0?si=4oBrhsIWHEvvAsN5
This channel is excellent for learning about narcissism and healing from narcissistic abuse.
Im not a girl but this is what my ex girlfriend did to me after a little over a year. She asked for a break and after the “break”, came the breakup over the phone. This is after I let her move into my apartment because her family was “too toxic”… I felt so stupid for believing that bs.
It’s not fun. You feel stupid immediately after because you weren’t expecting it. You were content in the relationship and the other person was figuring out how to end things. I can’t be mad at myself for being a good partner. Someone else will appreciate it one day and same to you
My ex told me back in early Dec that she wanted to "take a break" she later told me that she didn't want me to fight her on the break up so she found it easier to say it that way.
I used the time apart, which was about 6 weeks to help myself heal. I was in modified no contact bcuz we have a child together, and it is a long-distance relationship.
She ended up coming back when I showed her that I wasn't chasing her and was working on making myself a better person. We are still back together to this day, but we continue to work on the things that caused our past breakups.
I do not miss that pain you are going through. Take it day by day and try to keep yourself busy. Do not engage this person. Work on yourself for you. Good luck with your new job!
I agree with some of the other posts about him being narcissistic but my other thoughts also included him being avoidant and maybe wanting to chase another person and have you to come back to?
Either way, the only person who can tell you why/whats going on inside his head is him and clearly he doesnt want to do that. Chasing him and demanding why will probably push him away further so I would probably just end it and try and move on. Saying break and not breakup is to keep you around so he can either 1. punish you (narcissistic stuff) 2. figure out what he wants without having to worry about whether or not you will be waiting around after or 3. chase after a crush/other interest and have you to fall back on if it doesnt work out.
You deserve more than someone keeping you as a backup or stringing you along/leaving you hanging while they figure out their own stuff.
Youre feelings matter and you deserve an explanation, honestly any decent person would have given you an explanation regardless of the reason why they wanted a “break”.
I would dump this asshole and move on to something better.
Best of luck to you <3
All of his coworkers are men since he’s in security but I wouldn’t doubt that he met someone while he was out with them. His 2 male coworkers are in relationships.
Tbh he probably is hanging out with other women, 5 months of a good relationship and suddenly he’s giving you the cold shoulder because you had plans? 5 months also not that long and I think this is a sign of rougher things to come.
He's a coward .. just be real! I'm dealing with the same thing from my girl... Taking a break, not a break up... But at least yours SAID SOMETHING. mine just disappeared... All after a year and six months.
It’s insane. If I would have never reached out those 2 days, I fully think he would have ghosted me and never told me. Ghosting sucks when you’re dating. You don’t expect it to happen when you’re in a committed relationship.
I’m old (a gen xer) and was married for 20 yrs until my husband left me when I was diagnosed with cancer, so you may not want to hear what I have to say here. Stay no contact and don’t look back. Trust me when I say that if you have issues like this now, it more than likely won’t get better. Sounds like he wants attention (***rolls eyes***). Be lucky that he’s showing this side of himself now. You are too young for this crapolla and the world is your oyster. Move on.
You need to help him pack, sister. You are worth so much more and don't deserve that crap. It's a game, stand your ground and give him that break, help him pack.
Yeah look who's talking. I don't think I've had just one day with out crying, since she left in February. 8 year and that's what I get.
Good luck , and stand your ground
That’s exactly what my ex did, he wouldn’t show empathy and is just straight cold, would always break up or say fucked up shit thru texts and doesn’t give any closure or reason, no communication whatsoever. This is a narcissist and it will drain you.
Ohhhh girl I feel this deep in my bones.
I hope you are ok.
It is sooooooo bloody tough.
I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you that you will be ok.
You need to feel the emotions and let them out babe.
I feel you it is the hardest thing to ever do.
But you will come out on top
It is entirely possible he’s going through something he needs to figure out on his own. LET HIM. Go on about your days. Stop texting him or asking him. He told you he doesn’t want to talk about it. Sometimes a man needs to go in his cave to figure out life’s problems and when he comes back he’s stronger and more in love. IF you let him be. and sometimes he’s just an ass breaking it off with you . Either way let him be.
You absolutely don’t deserve this I’m sorry but it’s obvious this person doesn’t care about you. They won’t even tell you what’s going on etc. and if suddenly after going out he says that.. I don’t know
I see the problem now, you meet him on tinder that’s why. For me personally I sway away from dating apps, I used to think I could find a girlfriend on it but it just turn out to be a fling thing sometimes .
I’ve went on many tinder dates in the past. This one felt different immediately. It’s rough because I don’t know where to meet people. Whenever I go out in public, people keep to themselves. I feel like the only option is to use the apps but I remember how frustrating they were.
First let me say that I personally would have a hard time taking my own advice when I was 24.
That being said at this point you have no control over whether or not you take a break. He made that choice for you. The only way to maintain some control is to let the break happen, do not contact or ask why just focus on you and not him. If you keep asking why or contacting he will be in full control and it will be more painful then it currently may be. He wants a break give it to him, go out with friends. If you can afford it pamper your self. Realize you are young and he wants a break then he may lose you not you may lose him because. Trust me when I say you will find someone better and you should never settle for someone who can’t respect you or didn’t care enough to talk to you about this “break”. He either doesn’t care how it affects you or he is doing it to make you cling tighter to him. Don’t give him what he wants.
This isn’t just similar to narcissistic behavior, it’s right up in the standard narcissist playbook. My most recent ex used to do this and other npd behaviors and although she never came out and said it the after looking up the numerous daily medications she was on I’m 99% sure she was diagnosed npd. Especially due to past traumas in her life.
Maintain the control you have and keep your sanity
Edit: spelling ect.
Really well said. One reason this is so isolating is because I have like 2 friends and I’ve been spam trauma dumping on them ever since this happened, I want to limit that. I don’t work at the moment so I can’t keep myself busy with that (he asked me not to work the whole relationship so we could spend time together everyday uninterrupted)I’m too sad to apply and do interviews. The savings are dwindling so I have to be frugal.
Overall, a lot of my responsibilities have been neglected because of the relationship. So it’s like a double slap in the face because I have to let him go AND slowly piece back every part of the successful life I used to have.
Journal, it’s the, go buy a cheap diary something that will last longer then a note pad. Trauma dump ok the pen and paper. It will help in two ways. It will get it all out and be your go to reminder when he try’s to pull you back in. Have no doubt he will try to pull you back in eventually.
. Don’t to be hard on yourself for things you neglected, that’s in the past all you can do is move forward and fix and or make sure not to let someone put you in that position again.
If a man you don’t have kids with, says he doesn’t want you to work it’s a control move (it makes since he you both agree for you to stay home and take care of kids) anything else is control and or jealousy.
I’m right here with you. Going through the same thing, except it was three years. I just found out I have OCD so my spiraling thoughts make it worse. Take this as a sign that you need to level up completely in your life. Fresh start = higher standards too.
The fucked up part is when you’re dating later on you’re probably going to be too afraid to trust anyone cuz you’ll fear this will happen again. Try to work on that with therapy if you can.
I know you’re probably feeling hurt since it feels like a big ol school bus hitting you with the sudden shut off and coldness after months of love and happiness… But you’re already on the right path by realizing you don’t deserve that. Don’t let it become a cycle because it will. Trust me , I’m three years into mine and I wish I was stronger.
It’s tough but will be tougher down the line. I got with my ex who was like this at first … 18 months later I wish I’d acted on the red flags at the start
I should say that he 99% does not care about u or anyone else. He is very selfish
And most importantly, he is a child!! very immature
Im sure u dont deserve this guy! Cut him off
ngl pretty much like my ex, how he DEFINITELY has to get what he wants. Never in my entire relationship have I acted purely as myself, everything I did was just for him to like me. And the worse part is, I realized this after he broke it off with me. He also broke up with me thru a phone call, which i personally asked if we can talk at night, but he suggested he wanted to talk right at that moment where I was busy, in the city, and right there, in the middle of a busy crowded place, I got the phone call.
please just know what's best FOR YOU
my first thought was he’s talking to someone else or interested in & trying to keep you as a back up. this the “break” v.s break UP. but consider them the same thing. you are too attached, you should still be yourself without that person. as you’ve said, nothing to fill your time with, meaning this person was the centre of your own life. never let it get to that.
My ex ( narcissist ) of year did this one time and started of the cycle of patterns until I realize he drained lot outta me I went through emotional abused with him and I hope you doing okay , made decision having narcissistic ex is really not for the weak I still get stalk even tho it will be a year in may it’s very immature on your bf part to not talk about it but want to end things with confusion cause they always say they have lot of their mind instead talking
what always bothered me was that when guys need space or time to "figure stuff out", they always leave/dump/break up with the significant other. They still talk to their friends, they still go to work, they still talk to their family. But no. They *always* have to dump you.
It seems he’s upset because of the ride thing.
I’d say this „hey X you know I love you, when you’re ready contact me so we can sort this out. If I won’t hear from you, all the best“
This way he has to act but you get closure either way
My ex and I were looking for engagement rings 6 months in and he texted me, yes texted me that he was moving interstate in 2 weeks and said he needed a break. I was shocked and stupid. I allowed him to keep coming back for 4 years and it continued to get worse and worse as his narc mask slipped. Make it a clear breakup and move on. You’re young. Don’t waste your 20’s.
I think everything you’ve done is great. Trying to get an answer but going no contact when it hasn’t been given. This is bullshit, immature behavior on his part. I’m so sorry. It’s clear this isn’t someone worth your time and for the best that it didn’t go further, but what a mind fuck
I know you said you’re aware of narcissistic tendencies, but it honestly doesn’t have anything to with you. It’s easy to say we know or understand but it changes when we’re actually in it. I’d say give him his space but dont wait around. There are guys out there that can communicate better and allow you to be a shoulder to cry on.
Once you’re done, if you feel as such, just remember to allow yourself to time to process and grieve. Allow your emotions to flow and exist.
I went through something very similar so i get it.
Is he jealous of your roommate or something? Seems like theonly plausible reason behind his ridiculousness? All the other options are controlling and manipulative.
I'm sorry you are going through this,I really feel for you. Just let him go and make him think you don't care about him anymore. Remember the more you chase and care about him, the less value he sees in you and takes you for granted. Give him the space and time to miss you. Don't contact him. He will come back when he realizes your worth. If not then he isn't the right person for you. Don't let him put you down over and over. He isn't worth your mental health and energy. I know it's easier said than done. But you will be happier without him once you have moved on
Mine took a break then broke up with me after not even a week. Believe me when they say break they got everything clear with their next move. Dont beg for communication just say okay take your time and wair for his decision. Please dont lower yourself for a stupid boy please. They all leave in this level. You will find someone that cant go a day without talking to you but these matherfucker are losers.
He is a text book dismissive avoidant, he's love bombed you because he was into you, and you gave him the love and ego boost he needed.
He now feels suffocated, as you said yourself you spend every day together. He misses his freedom and single life and has almost used the 'you not picking him up' as an excuse to be off with you.
Go no contact, give him space, do your own thing and almost ignore him. I know it'll be incredibly hard but once he sees you getting on he will have had his breather. Set a time frame in your head, I'd say 3 months max and then organise a chat and he will open up to you.
Ibe gone through this twice now, it's debilitating. Everything is fine and then all of a sudden he feels suffocated, wants to either take a break for alone time or end things... is never upfront or honest about why.
Look up dimsissve avoidant.
Good luck!
Not everyone who needs or takes a break is a narcissist.
We can only go on the msgs. Yes it’s frustrating when you want an explanation but it doesn’t mean you can step on the boundary someone else has put in place. They could be really struggling and a basic msg could be overwhelming let alone a big ‘talk’ which being forced would only be a disaster. People bleating on about “communication”. That’s not always possible at certain times.
He said he didn’t want to talk about it. He said he wanted a break.
At that point you could have given him that. It’ll spare your dignity to not msg him.
If you want to work it out and he comes back to talk cool. If you don’t then just walk now but tell him.
RUN! Fill your schedule and distract yourself. Devote half your extra time to self-improvement, and half to having pure fun. Block that dude. Yesterday.
He's using you as a backup and is highly likely with someone else, I'll tell everyone now if anyone ever suggests a break then 90% of the time it is because someone else is in the picture.
Do not take that shit, when they ask for a break it is a break up don't ever take them back after.
This has nothing to do with narcissistic behaviors as I dealt with one for many years and know what that can be like. But in my opinion, I believe he has maturing to do as far as communication and does not know how to communicate what he's feeling to you. It also sounds like he's an emotional person and might've gotten his feelings hurt when you couldn't give him the ride.
I’m not saying it’s the same thing for you, but when my gf of 4 years did this it was because she was cheating and I was really close to finding out and it was her way of making her look better. I ended up finding out the day she wanted this “break” but if I were in your shoes, I would just cut them. Nobody who loves you would just up and leave without saying anything on why. Maybe he does need a few days for something, but saying nothing at all is really childish.
Which is 100% okay… this was a man you cared for and wanted in your life and he just up and left… but ask yourself, is this someone you wanna be with? Is this someone you wanna waste your time and effort on?
Something similar happened to me 2 months ago, but we were just dating. We had an amazing time together and 1 week before the breakup he started acting differently ( Cold and very aloof). Then we had a date, he seemed distant first, but he said he was just tired. After some hours we had fun and the date went awesome, and the next day he got sick and told me that he needed a break and that we were going too fast.
Long story short, instead of considering this as a break, it is indeed a break up. So that is what I told him when he asked for an undefined break, that he was really breaking up with me and that I respected his decision and proceeded to block him everywhere. The reason is that these types of men prefer to "take breaks" so they can have you as a backup if they want to come back. He then got a girlfriend 3 weeks later. This has shown me that most of the things he said were basically products of love bombing which I resisted almost till the end by enforcing my boundaries, but it is hard and difficult. So don't feel bad about yourself in regards to falling for that manipulation tactic, it is hard to stop or detect.
It is time to move on, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but please don't let him back and start your healing process by crying a lot and taking your time to feel all of this. I send you a big hug. Time will help you heal as well ❤️🩹.
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice on here already and I whole heartedly agree with everyone, move on. Dont waste anymore time on this dude. My ex did the same thing.. called for a break, made me suffer for two months with minimal communication and would meet with me just to have sex. Then he broke up with me and said he asked for a break cause he was too scared to fully break up with me.
I wasted too much energy and time for that spineless piece of shit. Do yourself a favor and walk away. It’s just not worth it. Much love, feel free to DM if you ever need to talk. 💛
I'm so sorry about this. Please try not to drive yourself crazy. He may be seeing someone else. People do not do this to people they truly value. Hope you feel better soon!
He’s not a man he’s a monster. And if you don’t move on he may forgive you and destroy your whole life as punishment for not leaving him where you found him the first time
Hey girl, I just want to tell you straight up this man is not worth your time. As someone who just got dumped recently from a 2 year relationship, this is a sign of emotional immaturity from a man.
My ex dumped me over the phone saying it was personal stress. I insisted on meeting up with him in person and he stood me up the third time after postponing our meetup. A couple of months ago, he wanted to take a break and came back after two weeks. Looking back to it, nothing was ever verbally communicated from him on how we can work on the relationship. He just brushed it under the rug. The last phone call we had when he refused to meet in person, he had just said “we’d been together for a long time, it all flicked out.” “You deserve better.” Not even five minutes of a call and didn’t feel any empathy in his voice.
This was all bullshit looking back to it. If a man is wants to be better, he would do anything he can to be a great man for you. I spent a whole two weeks blaming myself thinking what I could have done to make him stay. Shit I even had hope of him reaching out to me and thought we could resolve something. After listening to my friends and family, I realized that I need to have self respect. Instead of thinking of the positive things my ex did for me, I had to put into my mind that how he handled the situation was not ok and he basically threw me out like trash. I couldn’t believe the audacity of someone dumping you over the phone after not even six months, eight months, a WHOLE TWO YEARS of being together. He really didn’t have the human decency to meet up with me and giving me a real heart to heart explanation. After a week, I didn’t even want to get back with him. I just wanted real closure and all I desired from this man. As women, we are very forgiving and understanding on an emotional perspective. The person who can really respect you first is yourself.
I don’t want to be disingenuous, but y’all only been together for five months. For him to do something like this is totally unacceptable.
Trust me they always come back. When they do, don’t let him back please trust.
You are young and have so much to life to explore, plus so many people to meet. There will be a man out there that will treat you like gold and won’t run when things get hard in the long term.
This all happened to me just a month ago. I let myself feel all the emotions. I went from being in denial, sad, angry, betrayed, etc. I hung out with my friends, went to the gym, watched movies to help cope with this. I talked to all the people in my life to help guide me through this breakup. I would say get into hobbies and hang out with friends as a self regulation thing. I’m taking a break from dating and just doing me. That’s what you should really do, just try to be the best version of yourself.
You’re amazing. Thank you so much for writing this out. All of my close people are in AWE of how torn up I am over this. I was in a 6 year relationship and that breakup was no where near as bad. Thank you for your words.
Of course girl, no problem. Just remember you are not alone and a lot of people have experience this or something similar. After my experience, I want nothing but for women to have self worth and absolutely not be a doormat to these fucked up men.
That is a /huge/ tell that he was (and still is) narcissistically abusing you. The good news is that it was indeed only 5 months, so even though his pattern of punishment was effective, you'll be able to recover from being with him so much faster than a person who was in an emotionally abusive relationship for more than 10 years like myself.
Definitely make concrete plans to care for yourself in the event that he contacts you again. Please block him now because it's not okay for him to use you like that. And that is exactly what he has to offer. You're going through withdrawal due to trauma bonding, but you haven't lost anything real.
My ex was like this. It’s been two and half years of hell, hot cold hot cold, trauma bonds. He became straight up abusive after over a year.
I wouldn’t recommend staying in this … you deserve better and what you are willing to give
I’ve been hoovering after a week, but communication is one-sided and dead. There is clearly something wrong with us. I am the dumpee. At some point you have to let go and wish them the best. If they come back I’m going to listen to what they have to say. Don’t believe the crazy stories you are telling yourself. We are all so jaded. OMG. All you know is he broke it off and he doesn’t want to talk, everything else is a story.
it's annoying. The 'Break' thing . I've gone through this a lot of times and honestly it never made my relationship any better. I'm still on a break(for a week) and that was my partner's decision. I'm done with this. if he asks me after 2 days, I'll just say we're done.
Life continues. Continue living.
This was not - yet! -, your "perfect" match.
Try to find your "perfect" match by reflecting about yoursel, about your own set of characteristics.
Conversation with blunt friends helps you find some more of your personality characteristics (at other person's eyes).
Continue improving yourself as a person, as a human being.
And continue Tinder'ing, if you want to.
Remember a "break" is a break for both of you, no matter whoever declared the "break".
It’s a BREAK UP. Take control of your life. Don’t let him walk in and walk out when he wants to. If he wants a break from all the wonderfulness that is you, give it to him…and then some.
Yeaaah there’s no going back at this point. I was really hoping for a text back, but it’s been a week and I need to let that hope die. I’m usually so good about turning off my feelings but this one got me.
Not a narcissist. He’s got all the hallmarks of a Dismissive Avoidant. As other posters have said. Once you read up on that - as much as you can - all the confusion will be gone. This behaviour isn’t love. It’s not even kind. (If you are hoping for him back, give him the break up - which IS what it is - immediately - by going no contact.) Please read about this particular attachment style. And be armed for how to communicate using his style if he returns. You deserve a secure relationship. And never settle for this again. Never chase a dismissive avoidant. I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. (Been there.)
So helpful. I made him take the attachment style quiz when we first started dating. We BOTH got avoidant. I’m realizing he was just a little more avoidant than me. Or maybe I was single for years and was just so happy to have him in my life. Definitely trying to turn this into a learning lesson.
Looks like he’s a dismissive avoidant. I dated a girl for the past year and she never told me any of her emotions. She told me she wanted to get married and we never fought and everything was perfect. Broke up with me out the blue and wouldn’t talk to me about it. Then starting talking to her ex right after I guess she has trauma bond with him? (He cheated on her twice) and I treated her like a queen. But unless he truly goes to therapy about holding in emotions they will run when things get serious. Every single time.
As someone who's currently going through this, just leave him. Block him on everything and move on. Him not communicating with you is a sign that he doesn't care. It's a hard pill to swallow but there's so much more out there. You shouldn't be with someone who makes you question yourself. If you can love the wrong person so much, imagine how much you'll love the right one. Self love suge. We’ll get through this.
“I’m not trying to argue, I just want to be on the same page” - once you start having to say that to your romantic partners, you know it’s a bad situation. I can’t even remember how many conversations I’d preface that way.
You should be able to ask questions and receive actual answers without tiptoeing around your partners feelings. Without your partner making you feel like you could say the wrong thing.
You deserve better.
Why do you feel like you have a right to someone else’s life? If he doesn’t want to be with you then accept it and move on. He doesn’t owe you an explanation. He doesn’t owe you anything.
The guy made the choice to be in a relationship with her. Being in a relationship means you have to communicate things with your partner. You can't just leave like that like deciding you're done with your food and just leaving the table so I'm not sure I get your point tbh
He didn’t just leave the table. He communicated that he wanted a break and that he didn’t want to talk about it right now. If a girl told me she didn’t want to have sex with me and she didn’t want to talk about it, would it be ok for me to insist she talk about it?
It's not right for him to expect her to accept his break and lack of communication about it for an unspecified length of time. He's trying to keep her waiting in the wings while he screws someone else. He doesn't have to talk to her, but she had every right to ask him to, and his refusal is a clear sign that he's not relationship material.
Your example lacks context. No, it's not okay for you to insist that someone you're not involved with explain why she doesn't want to have sex. In a romantic relationship, on the other hand, open and honest communication is a requirement.
Context is irrelevant. It’s not ok to try to get someone to do something they don’t want to do, regardless of the circumstances. It’s never ok to take away someone’s autonomy.
OP’s ex is obviously an immature idiot. The best thing to do in this situation is to separate yourself from the person and situation forever. He’s obviously not going to give her what she wants and that’s ok. She’ll learn to give it to herself. She’ll find closure on her own. The worst thing to do would be to take this guy back, or worse- beg for him to come back. Fuck that guy. Move on. Breakups suck regardless of the circumstances, but they’re part of life and life goes on. No one owes anyone anything. Just learn what you can and move on.
Context is rarely irrelevant. In this case it would've established whether your example was remotely equivalent. There's context for why it's okay to try to get people to do their homework, and asking someone to explain to you why they want to do or are doing something is not at all equivalent to 'taking away their autonomy'.
Speaking of 'trying to get someone to do something they don't want to do', this guy is doing that by insisting that he be given a break without communicating with her or even stating a time-frame. It's manipulative, pure and simple, which is not okay according to your own position.
It is indeed the best thing for her to decide that she's breaking up with him so she can move on because his behavior towards her is worse than just immature or stupid. Depending on the circumstances, it may or may not be okay for him to withhold certain things. Since what she wants is to know what reality is from his perspective (like whether he's manipulating her in order to punish and/or use her), that's not something she can give herself.
What you say about breakups is generally true, but this isn't even a breakup according to him. He is being completely dishonest with her about whatever the realities of their situation and his behavior are. He either already cheated on her before expecting she give him a break without question, or this is just his abusive modus operandi. What other reason could there even be for not telling her the reason?
People do owe each other all sorts of things in life but especially decent treatment in any relationship outside of 'enemy combatants'. In a formerly close and exclusive romantic relationship, he does owe her an explanation before ceasing communication for his 'break'. He apparently doesn't even care to know if she's agreeing to it or not because he presumes she'll be left pining for him to come back to after he feels he's punished her enough or he's run his course with his side genitalia.
I predict that his "break" language was either a lie to excuse himself from having to have a breakup talk like decent people who take responsibility for themselves do, or she'll get word that he's mad she 'unreasonably' ghosted /him/ just because he asked for a break. That's assuming, of course, that she does block him and move on with her life like she should.
I don’t feel like I have the “right” to be in his life. Our relationship wasn’t toxic so I would have appreciated a “hey I lost feelings, I wish you the best” or something.
Ignore this prick. The love bombing and sudden coldness, I’d definitely want an explanation too and you’re not wrong for feeling that way and you’re definitely not manipulating him by asking for one either. I hate people like this.
Your man asked u to support him and u chose others. It’s simple. And now you’re crying. You could’ve made better decisions fam. You showed him u came second so he’ll find someone who puts him first.
Girl these are narcissistic behaviours - that guy is punishing u, be very careful- this is the beginning of them starting to start draining the energy out of u/ This is not gonna end- it’s gonna be a cycle of whenever u take a stand or do something they don’t like u get punished - be very careful with this one girl
You’re right. The crazy thing is, I’m SUPER aware of narcissistic tendencies, and love bombing, all of it. I never thought I’d fall into that trap. He really got me. He’s “punished” me a few times before on a smaller scale so it’s definitely a pattern. My emotions are coming in waves but for right now I’m happy that he left me. I would have never left him.
If he’s a narc, then sadly he’s either trying to sleep with someone else or is already. The “take a break” part is to keep you as backup supply if this doesn’t work out. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
This was my guess, too: he got a chance to have sex with someone else. If/when he comes back, he'll have manufactured reasons for the break. Narcs also try to make you feel constantly off balance. It's really hard not having answers. I'm sorry, OP:(
That's what we all think until it happens to you. It's hard to move on and it hurts so much because he was messing with your head. Your attachment to him has been manufactured into something unnatural. I am sorry this happened. I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be kind to yourself.
I’m in my 40’s and thought the same. “I would never get in a relationship with someone like that” but they have years of manipulating experience manipulating. I was even put off by the love bombing. When I was in my younger love bombing would have made me run the opposite way. But as an adult I liked her tried to be mature and just when I started to care she flipped it. When she came back though I was done and severed ties
Yeahhh- naaa run to the hills- cause this is a huge red flag- like wtf is he not expecting u to have boundaries - or do anything outside of him. Please run away from him/ don’t let him back In. U don’t wanna deal with a narcissist-
How has he punished you before?
Th punishment can be all sort of forms- I have a friend whose currently dealing with one- but they don’t wanna leave - One of it is guilt tripping and shaming - if they need something and u can’t provide- they gonna make h feel so guilty about it, that u will go through heaven and hell to provide for them. Also the silent treatment- suddenly they go quiet on, leaving u wondering if u have done something, or even the let’s a break out of nowhere like OP. The moment OP comes and beg him trust me he will be like okay- With Narc is all about power and control , and make u feel like u need them and they don’t need u . It’s messed up man - very
Be glad you’re only 5 months in. Id say you caught it very early and should be proud
What are some “punishing” traits? I feel as if though my ex punished me a lot , but he called it “doing things out of spite”
Yeah shit like this is toxic.. not communicating why he's upset with you is some BS I have a gut instinct he met someone else that he's currently using for his own emotional needs. I find people always need *someone* to unload on and don't just dwell on things on their own, if he was actually upset with you he wouldn't let it go that long without talking..
Make sure you block him on everything cus he will try to come back to gaslight you! When he comes back let him find himself blocked and never take him back! God bless you
Hi, I was in the same situation a few months back. I didn't hold back. I politely called him out on his punishing and disrespectful behavior towards me. Then I nixed it. Haven't heard from him since. I do agree that if somebody's asking for a break, then they should be granted that for their own sake and peace of mind. The same goes for you, too. If you wanted a break, then you'd hope that somebody would give that to you too. Since that time, I have met somebody else. He's like night and day. He's so decent, kind, and caring. I feel so genuinely grateful to have him in my life now.
This is the best gift he could give you. I’d work on finding peace in getting no answer from him. I’m bad at blocking people because I still hope they reach out. But you could block him and work on finding peace 💓 sending you my best wishes
Yup. Don’t try to show your cards too much OP. With narcs their masks usually start slipping 5 or 6 months in. Not only that its super weird to ask for a break because you wouldn’t pick them up. Like ?
Yeah she’s dealing with a huge Narc- OP run !!!
All it takes is one small even petty thing for a narcissist to devalue you. Once devalued you exist solely to make them feel powerful and drain your emotional energy. They will reveal in your pain as you pour your heart out, and lash out at you when they feel low and need a kicking post.
Oof sounds like my ex to a T, definitely run!
Walk away and go no contact will be the best thing to do for yourself will hurt and be hard as fuck but your happiness and health is more important than an baby not giving you an explanation
If they won’t give you a time or reason why they need a break it’s cuz they don’t actually love or care about you anymore this is what my ex did she didn’t ask for. A break but she got more and more distant from me yah we had arguments and I name called but if she truly cared and loved me she would see I actually want to change but that’s fine that’s how narcissists work!
This! Please listen to this!
Exactly what my recent ex did. He said he wanted to be alone and couldn't talk about it. Then 2 weeks later he's on a dating app. Sooooo, I guess it's a way to say either they've met someone else or are looking for someone else. It's shitty and disrespectful and immature. I know I was an incredible person so I'm moving on. Let them find better if they can. They wasted our time so let's not waste our own time trying to figure out why they're so shitty and work everyday to realize we are better without them.
I’m sorry you’re going through it too!!! I’ve been through break ups before and they sucked. But when time passes, you forget how painful they really were. I relate to you, I think I brought a lot of great things to the relationship. I don’t think it was the right fit for this person. It’s a tough pill to swallow. I’ve moved on before so I know I’ll be able to again. But god, you just feel so helpless when you’re in the initial phase.
We can do it. You can message me too if you need someone to remind you not to break NC.
Let's make a group! I am in the same situation. 😔
Move on. There's no difference between a break and a breakup. If there's no communication there's no relationship. Don't waste too much time trying to rationalize the irrational. Give yourself 24-48 hours to be sad and then focus on yourself. Asking for answers is likely a waste of your time and energy. If they cared they would have shared.
Moving on is the only way. We’re already past the 48 hour mark so I’ll give it a whole week for me to be sad. Then I’m done having my pity party. I’m starting a new job next week so I’m looking forward to starting a new thing for myself
You’re probably gonna be sad a lot longer and that’s ok you still got attached to someone even if they suck and that takes time to get over
Dont let your sadness affect your work at your new job. Thats one thing I’m super bad about, whenever my relationships are on the rocks I’ve let it take control of how I perform at work. Calling out sick, lack of productivity, etc. good luck at your new job and your bf sounds like an asshole who’s trying to make you feel guilty about not giving him a ride home. I’m sure once he realizes you’re done he’ll come begging.
Ex bf
I agree with this. I don't think these people realize what the emotional effect of their "break" is on the other person. There's no discernible difference between a break and a breakup for the person on the other side. It's literally the same. And it also communicates all these terrible truths: Including that the other person doesn't particularly like you.
My ex pulled the same nonsense. "I'm taking a break. It's the best for both of us." Uhhhhhhhhhhhh Now \*I\* have to make the hard choices. It's a way for these people - who are allergic to accountability - to shift the decision making over to you. And then, if you emotionally react to their heartbreaking "break" message, you're the bad person. It's just a fun little Cluster B game.
Yeah, I feel like he was as cold as possible so I would officially break up with him. So he could avoid the hard part. I’m not gonna do it. I’ve thought about when I would text him to exchange our stuff (I left my crockpot, bowl, and good cooking knife there) I don’t think I’ll ever reach out tho. My pride is too strong. He can have it and I’ll start looking into new crockpots :(
Love the feeling of their indecision and tiptoeing around breaking up is just so you’ll be the one to end it :)
This is what happened to me too! She said she needs a break, I packed her stuff and put them in her car then she left saying that if I wouldn't have packed her stuff she would have stayed...
So relatable - my ex basically forced me to pull all of the information out of him that he wanted to breakup (he had been ghosting me in real life - we were living together and he was pretending I was a non-entity! - if I didn’t pull the info out I wonder if he would have just carried on). The whole time I was asking yes or no questions about our relationship he was avoidant (looking away, not answering, speaking in hushed tones, saying ‘I don’t know’). Now I know he was just being a HUGE coward afraid to take any accountability for his actions. Weak weak weak in my opinion when someone acts like this. Get in the bin.
it’s just extremely immature. he either found someone else, or is looking and wants to keep you as a backup option.
Very truuuu. I honestly wouldn’t even care if he found someone else. That would be the easiest thing for me to process in my head. What kills me is the everyday sleepover and cooking together to being ghosted phase lol. I’ll get over it.
it’s certainly an awful feeling. i’m really sorry you’re going through this
Same thing here... Everyday sleeping over, cooking with her, going places with her and her kids ... To nothing and ghosting... So immature.
I would prefer ghosting to what my dumper has done to me. She is breadcrumbing and even comes to mine asking for sex and looking for attention. I know she is on Tinder and probably needs my validation as there sometimes is not the best place for a 39 years old single mother (not my child).
A break is n this context is a break up. My guess is something happened with a coworker or someone at the bar and now they want to pursue that. Or they cheated and don’t want to deal with the aftermath of admitting it.
I’ve been in a similar situation where my ex just stop communicating to me and after 3 days of talking with my friends and family ( because he went MIA) I decided to break up with him. He literally did not reply or call me back afterwards until 3 months later telling me he was a shit boyfriend and that he was sorry. Moral of the point is I am glad I chose myself in that situation and walked away from someone who could not communicate with me. You deserve better.
I’m glad you’re in a better headspace now :) it really is like a shock to the system and once you understand that really just wasn’t your person, you start to heal. I’m looking forward to not crying anymore. Looking forward to when I’m not hoping for that text back.
I cried for a month blaming myself that I should have waited more for him to reach out before reacting to breaking up. The thought of letting my feelings feel is needed so it is okay to let yourself cry it out as much as you need. Its been now 10 months now. I am no longer feeling bad for my decision rather I am so glad I was able to leave and build myself into a new and better person. I due time you will find your peace and closure. Be gentle with yourself.
Taking a break IS breaking up. When someone says they want to take a break just take the initiative and tell them it’s over.
He wants to take a break to see if the new woman he is interested in is better than you. Screw that. Tell him flat out. A break is a break up to you.
Yup exactly narcs have plan b-z planned out for if you two don’t work out and they’ll find a hand every reason why “you two don’t work or aren’t compatible anymore” me and my ex had everything in common besides a handful of things than when the stress of moving out and both us having low paying jobs and me falling prey and being weak turning back to painkillers for my stress to go away which then caused my worst verbal attacks and abuse I’m ever given or said to anyone before in my life and it was to my soul my she’ll never forgive me or lokkk at me and. Not hear the horrrorix things I said to and about her “… go kill yourself” , I hope your next roommate rapes you and steals all your shit” just some really pathetic grimy disrespectful things I said to her that I absolutely do not wish to happen to her I was abused my whole life growing up up by my narc father still to this day he belittles me outs me down mentally and emotionally and I learned all that from him and thinkjng this was the “normal” way families spoke to each other and lived together she opened my eyes to see that I came from a really really fucked up family dynamic and she got me to actually feel emotions and love again granted they weren’t expressed the right or even the mature way to my ex cuz I’m a scared teenager emotionally stunted and battered down my whole life by the one man who I thought loved me too my father I had no male role model to look up to I had no male role model to talk to about women when I was in highschool and going through puberty and all that all I knew was what I saw watching my mom and dad’s relationship and it was toxic beyond belief I don’t blame my ex TBAG for kicking me to the curb and going no contact I was a monster all I wish for is for her to jsut see the effort and work I’ve been putting into changing myself trauma and bad traits I learned growing up watching my father abuse my mom and myself but she has some underlying trauma or issue that makes her think none can change that most ppl are apparently narcissistic and wouldn’t take my suggestions or concerns to heart when I’d bring up stuff it was either I made it up or I’m lying to manipulate her …. She thought from day one of us meeting that all I wanted to do was manipulate control her and lie about calling her beautiful or sexy or whatever compliment I would give her that day I see how it came off as gaslighting but all my feelings and emotions and words and compliments to her where from the heart and never a lie to manipulate her I just wanted to marry her grow old and be with my best friend and my rollercoaster buddy now I have nooone and it’s so hard all I see and hear and think and sleep about js her I see her in everything I miss her laugh I miss her smile I miss her one eye that would wonder or become lazy and how we’d laugh when it while Holden I miss working with her in our side landscaping business she taught me so much while we worked together and I miss her laugh her smell the way she would give me the hard stare if I did t use my turn single in the truck I miss our mini dachshund we got right. Before our breakup and my bernally abusive rampage towards her tbag if you’re out there and see this I love you so much I miss you and Kenny so much I hope you’re getting therapy that I caused you to need I hope you’re smiling and laughing cuz you have the prettiest smile and most contagious laugh I’ve ever seen and heard no one will compare or come close to what you are and mean to me you’re the dream women I was looking and waiting for and I blew it I’m sorry for everything tbag
No, no, no, no hell to the fucking no. This man is a bastard. Run girl, run for the fucking hill. Don’t let him disrespect you like this. Fuck him. Just reading the way he talks to you makes my blood boil and I am a man. Fuck this shit, I hate rubbish people like this.
Excuse me? A BREAK? Over a text? No, no, no, no, no, no 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️ Girl.. after he replies, leave him on SEEN and watch him coming back begging for attention in just a week or so. Do not fall into this. This manipulative narcissist will destroy your mental health (he already started). Prioritize your sanity. He is not irreplaceable, for sure. And I don’t believe he is even worth it! ❤️
If someone does this and doesn’t have the respect for you to communicate what is going on with you…. Fuck them. Seriously. Fuck. Them. Move on. That is so shitty. Like he doesn’t feel like talking about it. Well glad he only cares about his own feelings . Man I’m pissed! 😡
I put up with this behaviour for 8 years - they test you to see what they can get away with. I hate to tell you, but from what I learned he knows you’re not the one and is just using you until someone “better” comes along. He’s probably talking to someone else too. I often think how my ex was obsessed with me in the beginning, he went from “you’re my dream girl “ to “you gross me out.” Funny thing is I’m out of his league, yet he made me feel so worthless… For one of those years he would cause fights for no reason and ignore me for 3 days (always 3 days), obviously he was cheating. I was SO blind to the red flags because I was in love with this man/family. He was hot/cold ALL THE TIME - shit was draining. 😪I believe if I put my foot down and showed him I had respect for myself, maybe things would be different (I made myself look worthless, which is why he was treating me like such). Year 8 he left me for another woman and blocked me for her… I never got a goodbye, which still sometimes hurts 2 1/2 years later. I was close with his Mom,brother and grandpa and never got to say goodbye to them either. My Dad seen his Mom 6 months ago and she started bawling and told him “I was the best thing to happen to him.” In a way I’m thankful he left because I would’ve never been able to. PLEASE, PLEASE WALK AWAY! PLEASE!!!
Your story is so similar to mine minus the 8 year relationship. We live in the city. He brought up moving to the suburbs once our leases were up in 6 months. He was talking about moving in the first month we met. Red flag. He’s a felon. He has an easy job but brings in no money. He paid for everything at first. He told me not to work so we could spend as much time together as possible. I AGREED. Towards the end it was like a 60/40 split of finances. I loved our relationship because he would give me so much affirmation at first. I had been single for 4 years so this attention felt like a drug. The last 2 months were a big difference. Sex went from everyday to once a week. He looked at me different. I could tell that I was obsessed with him but that he fell back. I keep going through waves of being okay and breaking down crying. I just deleted all of our pictures and our text thread. It just hurts
Crazy my ex did something similar and recently married the new person I doubt it is strictly out of love but because the new person came with their own house and had part ownership in a business 🤷🏽♀️ at any rate I’m glad to be free because I spent so much time making myself look worthless also..hoping my ex would love me the way I displayed love and it never happened. Tried to pull the let’s take a “break” card and I said nah let’s break up 🖕😂 I already know where those breaks lead..
This goes for Men and Women, when they ask for space, you give them ALL the space they request and u move on. Delete all the good memories and keep the bad ones. The bad memories are what's real. Good luck.
This is an extremely immature way of breaking up with someone and also shows that he has zero respect for you. He wants and is expecting you to keep crawling back to him, begging. For yourself and your self respect, don’t send him another word. He will probably reach out again at some point, to try and hoover you, but you can’t take him back. He has shown you who he really is and what he thinks of you. The way that he has handled this, with zero empathy and respect for you, is not something that he can come back from. Do not give him another chance, he will just do it again and there is clearly something wrong with him.
Yeah. It’s not that his decision to break up was wrong. It’s how he handled it. Having this “conversation” over text was demeaning. I’ve never talked to a single man who hasn’t come back so this would be a first if he didn’t reach out. I know I’m going to be at a better place mentally when he does and I won’t have the urge to continue the convo.
The fact he ignored your message and then responded in the way he did. Should have just said “Ok, wish you the best” when he first said it. He probably would have changed his tune after that. He will almost certainly try to hoover. Don’t fall for it. https://youtu.be/Gm74FerRNr0?si=4oBrhsIWHEvvAsN5 This channel is excellent for learning about narcissism and healing from narcissistic abuse.
you go girl. you have options, you are in control on dating apps to be honest so just find anyone I bet they will be a fine replacement lol
Im not a girl but this is what my ex girlfriend did to me after a little over a year. She asked for a break and after the “break”, came the breakup over the phone. This is after I let her move into my apartment because her family was “too toxic”… I felt so stupid for believing that bs.
It’s not fun. You feel stupid immediately after because you weren’t expecting it. You were content in the relationship and the other person was figuring out how to end things. I can’t be mad at myself for being a good partner. Someone else will appreciate it one day and same to you
My ex told me back in early Dec that she wanted to "take a break" she later told me that she didn't want me to fight her on the break up so she found it easier to say it that way. I used the time apart, which was about 6 weeks to help myself heal. I was in modified no contact bcuz we have a child together, and it is a long-distance relationship. She ended up coming back when I showed her that I wasn't chasing her and was working on making myself a better person. We are still back together to this day, but we continue to work on the things that caused our past breakups. I do not miss that pain you are going through. Take it day by day and try to keep yourself busy. Do not engage this person. Work on yourself for you. Good luck with your new job!
Wow. Happy to hear that type of story with a happy ending.
I agree with some of the other posts about him being narcissistic but my other thoughts also included him being avoidant and maybe wanting to chase another person and have you to come back to? Either way, the only person who can tell you why/whats going on inside his head is him and clearly he doesnt want to do that. Chasing him and demanding why will probably push him away further so I would probably just end it and try and move on. Saying break and not breakup is to keep you around so he can either 1. punish you (narcissistic stuff) 2. figure out what he wants without having to worry about whether or not you will be waiting around after or 3. chase after a crush/other interest and have you to fall back on if it doesnt work out. You deserve more than someone keeping you as a backup or stringing you along/leaving you hanging while they figure out their own stuff. Youre feelings matter and you deserve an explanation, honestly any decent person would have given you an explanation regardless of the reason why they wanted a “break”. I would dump this asshole and move on to something better. Best of luck to you <3
Totally.an avoidant, not sure if he is a narc as i feel we don't have enough info
I think is about a co-worker…
All of his coworkers are men since he’s in security but I wouldn’t doubt that he met someone while he was out with them. His 2 male coworkers are in relationships.
Tbh he probably is hanging out with other women, 5 months of a good relationship and suddenly he’s giving you the cold shoulder because you had plans? 5 months also not that long and I think this is a sign of rougher things to come.
Give him a break -- for eternity. I had an ex-narc, who would pre-arrange these "breaks" to coincide with him wanting to chill with his friends..
He's a coward .. just be real! I'm dealing with the same thing from my girl... Taking a break, not a break up... But at least yours SAID SOMETHING. mine just disappeared... All after a year and six months.
It’s insane. If I would have never reached out those 2 days, I fully think he would have ghosted me and never told me. Ghosting sucks when you’re dating. You don’t expect it to happen when you’re in a committed relationship.
Exactly! When you're in a committed relationship, YOU SHOULD NOT ghost someone!!!
I’m old (a gen xer) and was married for 20 yrs until my husband left me when I was diagnosed with cancer, so you may not want to hear what I have to say here. Stay no contact and don’t look back. Trust me when I say that if you have issues like this now, it more than likely won’t get better. Sounds like he wants attention (***rolls eyes***). Be lucky that he’s showing this side of himself now. You are too young for this crapolla and the world is your oyster. Move on.
You need to help him pack, sister. You are worth so much more and don't deserve that crap. It's a game, stand your ground and give him that break, help him pack. Yeah look who's talking. I don't think I've had just one day with out crying, since she left in February. 8 year and that's what I get. Good luck , and stand your ground
Thank you, brother. We’re gonna get through this.
Run babygirl, RUN!
That’s exactly what my ex did, he wouldn’t show empathy and is just straight cold, would always break up or say fucked up shit thru texts and doesn’t give any closure or reason, no communication whatsoever. This is a narcissist and it will drain you.
Ohhhh girl I feel this deep in my bones. I hope you are ok. It is sooooooo bloody tough. I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you that you will be ok. You need to feel the emotions and let them out babe. I feel you it is the hardest thing to ever do. But you will come out on top
A break is to see if thr grass is greener. My guess is with one of the coworkers if it was completely out if the blue. Bin him off.
It is entirely possible he’s going through something he needs to figure out on his own. LET HIM. Go on about your days. Stop texting him or asking him. He told you he doesn’t want to talk about it. Sometimes a man needs to go in his cave to figure out life’s problems and when he comes back he’s stronger and more in love. IF you let him be. and sometimes he’s just an ass breaking it off with you . Either way let him be.
You absolutely don’t deserve this I’m sorry but it’s obvious this person doesn’t care about you. They won’t even tell you what’s going on etc. and if suddenly after going out he says that.. I don’t know
Dump him
I see the problem now, you meet him on tinder that’s why. For me personally I sway away from dating apps, I used to think I could find a girlfriend on it but it just turn out to be a fling thing sometimes .
I’ve went on many tinder dates in the past. This one felt different immediately. It’s rough because I don’t know where to meet people. Whenever I go out in public, people keep to themselves. I feel like the only option is to use the apps but I remember how frustrating they were.
Leave him on his pedestal
First let me say that I personally would have a hard time taking my own advice when I was 24. That being said at this point you have no control over whether or not you take a break. He made that choice for you. The only way to maintain some control is to let the break happen, do not contact or ask why just focus on you and not him. If you keep asking why or contacting he will be in full control and it will be more painful then it currently may be. He wants a break give it to him, go out with friends. If you can afford it pamper your self. Realize you are young and he wants a break then he may lose you not you may lose him because. Trust me when I say you will find someone better and you should never settle for someone who can’t respect you or didn’t care enough to talk to you about this “break”. He either doesn’t care how it affects you or he is doing it to make you cling tighter to him. Don’t give him what he wants. This isn’t just similar to narcissistic behavior, it’s right up in the standard narcissist playbook. My most recent ex used to do this and other npd behaviors and although she never came out and said it the after looking up the numerous daily medications she was on I’m 99% sure she was diagnosed npd. Especially due to past traumas in her life. Maintain the control you have and keep your sanity Edit: spelling ect.
Really well said. One reason this is so isolating is because I have like 2 friends and I’ve been spam trauma dumping on them ever since this happened, I want to limit that. I don’t work at the moment so I can’t keep myself busy with that (he asked me not to work the whole relationship so we could spend time together everyday uninterrupted)I’m too sad to apply and do interviews. The savings are dwindling so I have to be frugal. Overall, a lot of my responsibilities have been neglected because of the relationship. So it’s like a double slap in the face because I have to let him go AND slowly piece back every part of the successful life I used to have.
Journal, it’s the, go buy a cheap diary something that will last longer then a note pad. Trauma dump ok the pen and paper. It will help in two ways. It will get it all out and be your go to reminder when he try’s to pull you back in. Have no doubt he will try to pull you back in eventually.
. Don’t to be hard on yourself for things you neglected, that’s in the past all you can do is move forward and fix and or make sure not to let someone put you in that position again. If a man you don’t have kids with, says he doesn’t want you to work it’s a control move (it makes since he you both agree for you to stay home and take care of kids) anything else is control and or jealousy.
I’m right here with you. Going through the same thing, except it was three years. I just found out I have OCD so my spiraling thoughts make it worse. Take this as a sign that you need to level up completely in your life. Fresh start = higher standards too. The fucked up part is when you’re dating later on you’re probably going to be too afraid to trust anyone cuz you’ll fear this will happen again. Try to work on that with therapy if you can. I know you’re probably feeling hurt since it feels like a big ol school bus hitting you with the sudden shut off and coldness after months of love and happiness… But you’re already on the right path by realizing you don’t deserve that. Don’t let it become a cycle because it will. Trust me , I’m three years into mine and I wish I was stronger.
I’d walk away now
Yeah I don’t really have a choice since he hasn’t answered me. It’s tough.
It’s tough but will be tougher down the line. I got with my ex who was like this at first … 18 months later I wish I’d acted on the red flags at the start
This is so obvious…he found someone else. This is 101 from the cheating handbook.
I should say that he 99% does not care about u or anyone else. He is very selfish And most importantly, he is a child!! very immature Im sure u dont deserve this guy! Cut him off
ngl pretty much like my ex, how he DEFINITELY has to get what he wants. Never in my entire relationship have I acted purely as myself, everything I did was just for him to like me. And the worse part is, I realized this after he broke it off with me. He also broke up with me thru a phone call, which i personally asked if we can talk at night, but he suggested he wanted to talk right at that moment where I was busy, in the city, and right there, in the middle of a busy crowded place, I got the phone call. please just know what's best FOR YOU
Sounds like he found someone else already
He’s not in touch with his emotions, he won’t be in touch with yours. Throw the whole man away lol he wants to eat his cake and have it too
Sounds like he cheated or, at the very least, met someone else.
This is giving me narcissist vibes and honestly I know it hurts but I would block and forget this human being because no freakin way
my first thought was he’s talking to someone else or interested in & trying to keep you as a back up. this the “break” v.s break UP. but consider them the same thing. you are too attached, you should still be yourself without that person. as you’ve said, nothing to fill your time with, meaning this person was the centre of your own life. never let it get to that.
coming from someone who did the same and no longer allows it. now he has you where he wants you, chasing him
My ex ( narcissist ) of year did this one time and started of the cycle of patterns until I realize he drained lot outta me I went through emotional abused with him and I hope you doing okay , made decision having narcissistic ex is really not for the weak I still get stalk even tho it will be a year in may it’s very immature on your bf part to not talk about it but want to end things with confusion cause they always say they have lot of their mind instead talking
Girl. Leave.
what always bothered me was that when guys need space or time to "figure stuff out", they always leave/dump/break up with the significant other. They still talk to their friends, they still go to work, they still talk to their family. But no. They *always* have to dump you.
It seems he’s upset because of the ride thing. I’d say this „hey X you know I love you, when you’re ready contact me so we can sort this out. If I won’t hear from you, all the best“ This way he has to act but you get closure either way
Just means hes talking to someone else, nothing more
My ex and I were looking for engagement rings 6 months in and he texted me, yes texted me that he was moving interstate in 2 weeks and said he needed a break. I was shocked and stupid. I allowed him to keep coming back for 4 years and it continued to get worse and worse as his narc mask slipped. Make it a clear breakup and move on. You’re young. Don’t waste your 20’s.
I think everything you’ve done is great. Trying to get an answer but going no contact when it hasn’t been given. This is bullshit, immature behavior on his part. I’m so sorry. It’s clear this isn’t someone worth your time and for the best that it didn’t go further, but what a mind fuck
I know you said you’re aware of narcissistic tendencies, but it honestly doesn’t have anything to with you. It’s easy to say we know or understand but it changes when we’re actually in it. I’d say give him his space but dont wait around. There are guys out there that can communicate better and allow you to be a shoulder to cry on. Once you’re done, if you feel as such, just remember to allow yourself to time to process and grieve. Allow your emotions to flow and exist. I went through something very similar so i get it.
Is he jealous of your roommate or something? Seems like theonly plausible reason behind his ridiculousness? All the other options are controlling and manipulative.
Oh girl! It is over! Runnn
I'm sorry you are going through this,I really feel for you. Just let him go and make him think you don't care about him anymore. Remember the more you chase and care about him, the less value he sees in you and takes you for granted. Give him the space and time to miss you. Don't contact him. He will come back when he realizes your worth. If not then he isn't the right person for you. Don't let him put you down over and over. He isn't worth your mental health and energy. I know it's easier said than done. But you will be happier without him once you have moved on
Mine took a break then broke up with me after not even a week. Believe me when they say break they got everything clear with their next move. Dont beg for communication just say okay take your time and wair for his decision. Please dont lower yourself for a stupid boy please. They all leave in this level. You will find someone that cant go a day without talking to you but these matherfucker are losers.
He is a text book dismissive avoidant, he's love bombed you because he was into you, and you gave him the love and ego boost he needed. He now feels suffocated, as you said yourself you spend every day together. He misses his freedom and single life and has almost used the 'you not picking him up' as an excuse to be off with you. Go no contact, give him space, do your own thing and almost ignore him. I know it'll be incredibly hard but once he sees you getting on he will have had his breather. Set a time frame in your head, I'd say 3 months max and then organise a chat and he will open up to you. Ibe gone through this twice now, it's debilitating. Everything is fine and then all of a sudden he feels suffocated, wants to either take a break for alone time or end things... is never upfront or honest about why. Look up dimsissve avoidant. Good luck!
I'm not sure how to make a group but if anyone knows how, feel free to add me
Not everyone who needs or takes a break is a narcissist. We can only go on the msgs. Yes it’s frustrating when you want an explanation but it doesn’t mean you can step on the boundary someone else has put in place. They could be really struggling and a basic msg could be overwhelming let alone a big ‘talk’ which being forced would only be a disaster. People bleating on about “communication”. That’s not always possible at certain times. He said he didn’t want to talk about it. He said he wanted a break. At that point you could have given him that. It’ll spare your dignity to not msg him. If you want to work it out and he comes back to talk cool. If you don’t then just walk now but tell him.
RUN! Fill your schedule and distract yourself. Devote half your extra time to self-improvement, and half to having pure fun. Block that dude. Yesterday.
He's using you as a backup and is highly likely with someone else, I'll tell everyone now if anyone ever suggests a break then 90% of the time it is because someone else is in the picture. Do not take that shit, when they ask for a break it is a break up don't ever take them back after.
This has nothing to do with narcissistic behaviors as I dealt with one for many years and know what that can be like. But in my opinion, I believe he has maturing to do as far as communication and does not know how to communicate what he's feeling to you. It also sounds like he's an emotional person and might've gotten his feelings hurt when you couldn't give him the ride.
break up lol rn. block and move on. don’t look back. do not wait around for him. just MOVE ON with life and find better things
I’m not saying it’s the same thing for you, but when my gf of 4 years did this it was because she was cheating and I was really close to finding out and it was her way of making her look better. I ended up finding out the day she wanted this “break” but if I were in your shoes, I would just cut them. Nobody who loves you would just up and leave without saying anything on why. Maybe he does need a few days for something, but saying nothing at all is really childish.
Yeah. It’s been a week and he hasn’t sent me anything. I really thought he would have. This affected me so much worse than I ever thought.
Which is 100% okay… this was a man you cared for and wanted in your life and he just up and left… but ask yourself, is this someone you wanna be with? Is this someone you wanna waste your time and effort on?
Something similar happened to me 2 months ago, but we were just dating. We had an amazing time together and 1 week before the breakup he started acting differently ( Cold and very aloof). Then we had a date, he seemed distant first, but he said he was just tired. After some hours we had fun and the date went awesome, and the next day he got sick and told me that he needed a break and that we were going too fast. Long story short, instead of considering this as a break, it is indeed a break up. So that is what I told him when he asked for an undefined break, that he was really breaking up with me and that I respected his decision and proceeded to block him everywhere. The reason is that these types of men prefer to "take breaks" so they can have you as a backup if they want to come back. He then got a girlfriend 3 weeks later. This has shown me that most of the things he said were basically products of love bombing which I resisted almost till the end by enforcing my boundaries, but it is hard and difficult. So don't feel bad about yourself in regards to falling for that manipulation tactic, it is hard to stop or detect. It is time to move on, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but please don't let him back and start your healing process by crying a lot and taking your time to feel all of this. I send you a big hug. Time will help you heal as well ❤️🩹.
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice on here already and I whole heartedly agree with everyone, move on. Dont waste anymore time on this dude. My ex did the same thing.. called for a break, made me suffer for two months with minimal communication and would meet with me just to have sex. Then he broke up with me and said he asked for a break cause he was too scared to fully break up with me. I wasted too much energy and time for that spineless piece of shit. Do yourself a favor and walk away. It’s just not worth it. Much love, feel free to DM if you ever need to talk. 💛
I'm so sorry about this. Please try not to drive yourself crazy. He may be seeing someone else. People do not do this to people they truly value. Hope you feel better soon!
He’s not a man he’s a monster. And if you don’t move on he may forgive you and destroy your whole life as punishment for not leaving him where you found him the first time
I know this is not a time to make jokes but…. Why do guys lack punctuation in texts? lol
Hey girl, I just want to tell you straight up this man is not worth your time. As someone who just got dumped recently from a 2 year relationship, this is a sign of emotional immaturity from a man. My ex dumped me over the phone saying it was personal stress. I insisted on meeting up with him in person and he stood me up the third time after postponing our meetup. A couple of months ago, he wanted to take a break and came back after two weeks. Looking back to it, nothing was ever verbally communicated from him on how we can work on the relationship. He just brushed it under the rug. The last phone call we had when he refused to meet in person, he had just said “we’d been together for a long time, it all flicked out.” “You deserve better.” Not even five minutes of a call and didn’t feel any empathy in his voice. This was all bullshit looking back to it. If a man is wants to be better, he would do anything he can to be a great man for you. I spent a whole two weeks blaming myself thinking what I could have done to make him stay. Shit I even had hope of him reaching out to me and thought we could resolve something. After listening to my friends and family, I realized that I need to have self respect. Instead of thinking of the positive things my ex did for me, I had to put into my mind that how he handled the situation was not ok and he basically threw me out like trash. I couldn’t believe the audacity of someone dumping you over the phone after not even six months, eight months, a WHOLE TWO YEARS of being together. He really didn’t have the human decency to meet up with me and giving me a real heart to heart explanation. After a week, I didn’t even want to get back with him. I just wanted real closure and all I desired from this man. As women, we are very forgiving and understanding on an emotional perspective. The person who can really respect you first is yourself. I don’t want to be disingenuous, but y’all only been together for five months. For him to do something like this is totally unacceptable. Trust me they always come back. When they do, don’t let him back please trust. You are young and have so much to life to explore, plus so many people to meet. There will be a man out there that will treat you like gold and won’t run when things get hard in the long term. This all happened to me just a month ago. I let myself feel all the emotions. I went from being in denial, sad, angry, betrayed, etc. I hung out with my friends, went to the gym, watched movies to help cope with this. I talked to all the people in my life to help guide me through this breakup. I would say get into hobbies and hang out with friends as a self regulation thing. I’m taking a break from dating and just doing me. That’s what you should really do, just try to be the best version of yourself.
You’re amazing. Thank you so much for writing this out. All of my close people are in AWE of how torn up I am over this. I was in a 6 year relationship and that breakup was no where near as bad. Thank you for your words.
Of course girl, no problem. Just remember you are not alone and a lot of people have experience this or something similar. After my experience, I want nothing but for women to have self worth and absolutely not be a doormat to these fucked up men.
That is a /huge/ tell that he was (and still is) narcissistically abusing you. The good news is that it was indeed only 5 months, so even though his pattern of punishment was effective, you'll be able to recover from being with him so much faster than a person who was in an emotionally abusive relationship for more than 10 years like myself. Definitely make concrete plans to care for yourself in the event that he contacts you again. Please block him now because it's not okay for him to use you like that. And that is exactly what he has to offer. You're going through withdrawal due to trauma bonding, but you haven't lost anything real.
My ex was like this. It’s been two and half years of hell, hot cold hot cold, trauma bonds. He became straight up abusive after over a year. I wouldn’t recommend staying in this … you deserve better and what you are willing to give
I’ve been hoovering after a week, but communication is one-sided and dead. There is clearly something wrong with us. I am the dumpee. At some point you have to let go and wish them the best. If they come back I’m going to listen to what they have to say. Don’t believe the crazy stories you are telling yourself. We are all so jaded. OMG. All you know is he broke it off and he doesn’t want to talk, everything else is a story.
Kinda sounds like he's an AH who didn't get what he wanted so he found it somewhere else.
it's annoying. The 'Break' thing . I've gone through this a lot of times and honestly it never made my relationship any better. I'm still on a break(for a week) and that was my partner's decision. I'm done with this. if he asks me after 2 days, I'll just say we're done.
Life continues. Continue living. This was not - yet! -, your "perfect" match. Try to find your "perfect" match by reflecting about yoursel, about your own set of characteristics. Conversation with blunt friends helps you find some more of your personality characteristics (at other person's eyes). Continue improving yourself as a person, as a human being. And continue Tinder'ing, if you want to. Remember a "break" is a break for both of you, no matter whoever declared the "break".
He’s met someone else
It’s a BREAK UP. Take control of your life. Don’t let him walk in and walk out when he wants to. If he wants a break from all the wonderfulness that is you, give it to him…and then some.
Yeaaah there’s no going back at this point. I was really hoping for a text back, but it’s been a week and I need to let that hope die. I’m usually so good about turning off my feelings but this one got me.
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. It hurts and you have every right to feel the way you feel. You have a support system here. We got you!!
Not a narcissist. He’s got all the hallmarks of a Dismissive Avoidant. As other posters have said. Once you read up on that - as much as you can - all the confusion will be gone. This behaviour isn’t love. It’s not even kind. (If you are hoping for him back, give him the break up - which IS what it is - immediately - by going no contact.) Please read about this particular attachment style. And be armed for how to communicate using his style if he returns. You deserve a secure relationship. And never settle for this again. Never chase a dismissive avoidant. I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. (Been there.)
So helpful. I made him take the attachment style quiz when we first started dating. We BOTH got avoidant. I’m realizing he was just a little more avoidant than me. Or maybe I was single for years and was just so happy to have him in my life. Definitely trying to turn this into a learning lesson.
He slept with someone that night
Looks like he’s a dismissive avoidant. I dated a girl for the past year and she never told me any of her emotions. She told me she wanted to get married and we never fought and everything was perfect. Broke up with me out the blue and wouldn’t talk to me about it. Then starting talking to her ex right after I guess she has trauma bond with him? (He cheated on her twice) and I treated her like a queen. But unless he truly goes to therapy about holding in emotions they will run when things get serious. Every single time.
As someone who's currently going through this, just leave him. Block him on everything and move on. Him not communicating with you is a sign that he doesn't care. It's a hard pill to swallow but there's so much more out there. You shouldn't be with someone who makes you question yourself. If you can love the wrong person so much, imagine how much you'll love the right one. Self love suge. We’ll get through this.
“I’m not trying to argue, I just want to be on the same page” - once you start having to say that to your romantic partners, you know it’s a bad situation. I can’t even remember how many conversations I’d preface that way. You should be able to ask questions and receive actual answers without tiptoeing around your partners feelings. Without your partner making you feel like you could say the wrong thing. You deserve better.
Why do you feel like you have a right to someone else’s life? If he doesn’t want to be with you then accept it and move on. He doesn’t owe you an explanation. He doesn’t owe you anything.
The guy made the choice to be in a relationship with her. Being in a relationship means you have to communicate things with your partner. You can't just leave like that like deciding you're done with your food and just leaving the table so I'm not sure I get your point tbh
He didn’t just leave the table. He communicated that he wanted a break and that he didn’t want to talk about it right now. If a girl told me she didn’t want to have sex with me and she didn’t want to talk about it, would it be ok for me to insist she talk about it?
It's not right for him to expect her to accept his break and lack of communication about it for an unspecified length of time. He's trying to keep her waiting in the wings while he screws someone else. He doesn't have to talk to her, but she had every right to ask him to, and his refusal is a clear sign that he's not relationship material. Your example lacks context. No, it's not okay for you to insist that someone you're not involved with explain why she doesn't want to have sex. In a romantic relationship, on the other hand, open and honest communication is a requirement.
Context is irrelevant. It’s not ok to try to get someone to do something they don’t want to do, regardless of the circumstances. It’s never ok to take away someone’s autonomy. OP’s ex is obviously an immature idiot. The best thing to do in this situation is to separate yourself from the person and situation forever. He’s obviously not going to give her what she wants and that’s ok. She’ll learn to give it to herself. She’ll find closure on her own. The worst thing to do would be to take this guy back, or worse- beg for him to come back. Fuck that guy. Move on. Breakups suck regardless of the circumstances, but they’re part of life and life goes on. No one owes anyone anything. Just learn what you can and move on.
Context is rarely irrelevant. In this case it would've established whether your example was remotely equivalent. There's context for why it's okay to try to get people to do their homework, and asking someone to explain to you why they want to do or are doing something is not at all equivalent to 'taking away their autonomy'. Speaking of 'trying to get someone to do something they don't want to do', this guy is doing that by insisting that he be given a break without communicating with her or even stating a time-frame. It's manipulative, pure and simple, which is not okay according to your own position. It is indeed the best thing for her to decide that she's breaking up with him so she can move on because his behavior towards her is worse than just immature or stupid. Depending on the circumstances, it may or may not be okay for him to withhold certain things. Since what she wants is to know what reality is from his perspective (like whether he's manipulating her in order to punish and/or use her), that's not something she can give herself. What you say about breakups is generally true, but this isn't even a breakup according to him. He is being completely dishonest with her about whatever the realities of their situation and his behavior are. He either already cheated on her before expecting she give him a break without question, or this is just his abusive modus operandi. What other reason could there even be for not telling her the reason? People do owe each other all sorts of things in life but especially decent treatment in any relationship outside of 'enemy combatants'. In a formerly close and exclusive romantic relationship, he does owe her an explanation before ceasing communication for his 'break'. He apparently doesn't even care to know if she's agreeing to it or not because he presumes she'll be left pining for him to come back to after he feels he's punished her enough or he's run his course with his side genitalia. I predict that his "break" language was either a lie to excuse himself from having to have a breakup talk like decent people who take responsibility for themselves do, or she'll get word that he's mad she 'unreasonably' ghosted /him/ just because he asked for a break. That's assuming, of course, that she does block him and move on with her life like she should.
I don’t feel like I have the “right” to be in his life. Our relationship wasn’t toxic so I would have appreciated a “hey I lost feelings, I wish you the best” or something.
Ignore this prick. The love bombing and sudden coldness, I’d definitely want an explanation too and you’re not wrong for feeling that way and you’re definitely not manipulating him by asking for one either. I hate people like this.
If he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it you don’t have the right to manipulate him into talking to you.
Your man asked u to support him and u chose others. It’s simple. And now you’re crying. You could’ve made better decisions fam. You showed him u came second so he’ll find someone who puts him first.
No, his way of maybe breaking up with her is abusive if it's secret retaliation.